THE DIGITAL COUCH

Happy New Year!

2011-01-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

Some new reviews:

TRUE GRIT (In Theaters.)
Great western directed by the Cohen brothers. Matt Damon is terrific, Jeff Bridges is outstanding as Rooster Cogburn, and the young girl who I've never seen before is more than adequate in the role. While slow at times, GRIT builds to a rousing ending, improves on the John Wayne film, and hues closely to the original book the material was based on. Good stuff and a perfect popcorn film.
Grade: A -

COMPANY MEN (In Theaters)
John Wells (E.R., The West Wing, etc.) tries his hand at theatrical writing and directing. Here the subject is high-level exectutives in trouble. The economy is hitting rock bottom and suddenly guys used to making 200,0000 a year find themselves having to beef up their resumes. Ben Affleck is very good here, if not terribly likable. Kevin Costner is great, though we could've done without the awful Boston accent (present only for the first few scenes before mysteriously dissapearing.) The wives are great, Tommy Lee Jones is solid...yet something here is missing. It's a bit cold and the ending is a bit forced, but overall, it's solid.
Grade: B -

TALES FROM THE SCRIPT (Instant Netflix)
Talking heads film chock full of screenwriters from old to new talking about their experiences in Hollywood with candor and honesty. Interesting, but gets old fast. And...we've heard it all before.
Grade: C -

INSIDE (2007 horror film - DVD)
I rented this from Netflix not knowing what to expect. Here's the deal - gory as hell, a horrific, terribly tragic and borderline offensive story, and the whole thing is an import from France. I loved it. It's violent in ways you wouldn't believe, but the first half hour is a real nail-biter, and the next hour is an exersise in gore, yet it all hangs together nicely, the performances are terrific, and this is definitely not for the squeamish.
Grade: B +

Recent Movies Xmas 2010

2010-12-26T18:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I haven't posted in months, but here are some quick hits of stuff you should check out:

The Walking Dead (AMC / Amazon Download / Itunes)
Okay, so you can pretty much get any content in a variety of ways. That said, please check out the 6 part Walking Dead series from Frank Darabount based on a great graphic novel. It's a great show, the zombies and situations would make George A. Romero proud, and it's just been renewed for at least 2 more seasons. This was simply one of the best plesures of the entire year in television.
Grade: A (Despite a weak final episode)

Sons Of Anarchy (F/X)
Usually a monstrous fan, but thought the 3rd season went far astray in the trip to Ireland searching for Jax's kid. If the convuloluted plot didn't throw you, we're sure Charlie Huhan's fading accent did. The season somehow ended on a high note, but boy did this feel like a wasted season.
Grade: C -

Tiny Furniture (MOVIE - NOT OUT YET)
I was lucky enough to see a xcreener of this family drama about a SoHo NYC family that reeks a bit of money and their inate dysfunction. The lead actress was a bit plump, and everything else about this was also right on the money and seemingly real. One of my very favorite films of the year.
Grade: A

THE FIGHTER (In Theaters)
Based on a true story (HBO did a documentary that included the drug-addicted brother now played rather broadly by Christian Bale) this rousing fight drama stars Mark Wahlburg as an up and coming fighter constantly undone by his dope-addicted brother, played well by Christian Bale. Great story but too much of this play strictly by the numbers and so it never trancends itself to become great, it's merely very good.
Grade: B -

More to come!

THE 2010 VMA awards (snore)

2010-09-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

2010 VMAS (MTV)
Hmm.....Chelsea Handler has 1 or 2 good lines. The rest was pure shit. Truly. I like Chelsea but boy was she out of her element. Her jokes fell really flat, she stumbled over almost every one of her punchlines, and I think she thought the public was much more into her than they were. Blah.

The La Lo thing was kind of both expected and lame. I love Lindsay, but that wasn't the sketch to get things rolling.

Who would've thought the Emmy show would be more spontaneous than the VMAs?

And what about Taylor Swifts RIDICULOUS forelorn song about "growing up" and her apparant "rape" by Kanye at last year's awards shows. Enough already. For her to sit and sing like she was Tori Amos about some traumatic event....please. That better be the last of it. We con't care anymore. Really.

Some of the music was good. I applaud Gaga's meat suit. I can't really remember much else except hating myself for loving Justin Bieber's bit.

But there was a real lack of humor and fun to this that was totally the most unexpected part of the night. Who knew the VMAs could be such a bore.

Congrats Chelsea! You did it!

Grade: D -

George Romero Would Be Proud

2010-09-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

Man Vs. Zombies (Twitter)

The best, starkest zombie story on the web, follow Gus' Tweets. He's the only survivor of a zombie holocaust and his Tweets are sharp, funny and very much in the pocket of the genre.

Any reader of this blog knows just how well I love all things Zombie, and this site has made my daily list. Somehow, with its stark, evocative imagry, mysterious pictures and intriguing storyline, this just might be one of the best zombie stories being told. And telling it through Twitter is both bold and ingenius and reinvigorates the genre in a way that makes me love it again.

And everytime you think it's jokes, suddenly things get very serious and dark.

Bravo.

Check it out and start from the beginning.
Truly a brilliant, creepy original.
A +

Man vs. Zombies

After-Lost Thoughts and Nick Santora, part 2!

2010-08-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

After-Lost thoughts.

So after all my grumbling about the Lost finale, I re-watched it with ABC’s “annotations.” Those are the informative subtitles that explain what the hell is going on. It had been sitting on my DVR and I thought I'd give it one more whirl. Not only did I like the finale much better the second time around, but like many series endings, it played much better without the sky-high expectations that had dogged it since day one. In fact, I actually had a new appreciation of it and found myself both moved and thankful it wasn't just an answer to every question the series ever posed.

Rather than a mythology defining episode that tried to address every question, the finale frankly left many, if not most burning questions unanswered. Instead the show went for the emotional jugular. In retrospect, I don’t know what I expected, but re-watching, while it certainly contained an endless amount of logic and storytelling flaws, it still worked profoundly well.

In the end, there might have been one too many intrigues for the show to answer anyway. Ultimately, I think people, myself included, wanted to see our core characters happy and resolved. And in that sense, this was satisfying.

But, since this is most likely the last time I’ll ever talk about LOST on this blog, here were my quibbles with the finale:

1.) Why did Michael seem to be the only one not happy with the news that he was dead? (Everybody else seemed to know it and be thrilled about it the moment they were told.)

2.) How in God’s name would Sayid end up for eternity with Shannon when Nadia was his clear love? (This seemed to be just a way to cram in an elder cast member.)

3.) The agonizing final shot over the credits seemed to go a long way in suggesting that the whole thing never happened and that the purgatory was not just for a time, but existed the entire time. Then came news that ABC execs just chose that shot for the Lost to News transition? I’m sorry, I actually don’t believe the very final shot of the show was left to chance. There is something more to this story that we’ll probably never find out. That said, if this were true, why re-run the shot during the repeat after they had declared…ah forget it.

Jimmy Kimmel did an excellent job hosting the post-Lost finale show. He did a great question and answer section with Mathew Fox, and the parodies were right on the money all month long leading to the finale. Particularly excellent: the commercial parody of Connect Four with the Man in Black and Jacob, and the final scene that parodied The Sopranos.

LOST: Finale re-graded: B +

Jimmy Kimmel Live: Aloha to LOST: A

Jimmy Kimmel Live has been on fire this season. From the Twitter Rap bit to the brilliantly inspired Mac-Book episode, to the recent Expendables spoof, Kimmel is the best reason to stay up late these days.
Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC)
Grade: A

Endings and Network Television
That particular two-week period of television had an interesting impact on the future of network television.

In the same week, you had the Lost ending, the 24 ending and the final episode of American Idol to feature Simon Cowell as a judge. At the same time, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, True Blood and The Closer are all example of off-network programming that has become the talk of the town. Even after all the spectacular web failures, programming online will persist and expand beyond viral videos. Old fucks like me don’t like watching a movie on the computer, but my 11 year old niece doesn’t do it any other way.

What does this all mean for the big 4 networks? Frankly, I think there will always be a place for network television and event programming that cable simply can’t do and the internet doesn’t have the setup for. I think it’s entirely possible that 2 of the 4 major networks might someday fold into one, and if that happens you can say you read it here first. But it would make me sad as I like the idea of network television and grew up on it. When I was a kid, ABC, CBS, NBC and even FOX - those names meant something to me and each network had a very specific identity.

The big task now is to have a non-reality scripted programming hit. Modern Family is a great show, but it’s still no Seinfeld. And the great hour dramas seem to keep coming from cable and pay-tv (The Sopranos, Damages, The Shield, Nip/Tuck, The Wire, Deadwood, Oz.) Lost and 24 were unique in that way, too.

I guess we’ll see what happens. I just can’t believe there are no great serialized dramas on network television anymore. With all the re-boots in the movies, why not re-start Wiseguy, Hill Street Blues or even Twin Peaks?

I guess at this point those shows would be on HBO.

These are interesting times.

George A. Romero's Survival Of The Dead (In theaters and PS2)
Wow. The distribution says it all I guess. Who would've thought that perhaps the very final chapter of Romero's zombie saga would premiere on PS2? Maybe that's a sign of the times, but readers of this blog know just how much of a zombie fan, particularly a George A. Romero Zombie fan I am, so writing this review is nothing short of heartbreaking. But it must be said. This man has lost his mojo. If you’re at all into these movies, you know that the new zombie trilogy is like the new Star Wars for zombieheads. Who did it worse? That’s a question best left for others, but I will say this. Land Of The Dead was a misguided if at least worthy film. It was more DAY than DAWN, but it had some kind of plot and point of view. In truth, it was pretty much some great nuggets and moments in a sea of shit, but someone out there did a fan-edit that nearly saved the entire film. I prefer the fan-edited version that does away with all the groaning humor and erases money as a motivating factor. Still, at its core its still the same shitty Land Of The Dead. Then came Diary Of The Dead. This seemed promising. It was the first time in 30 years Romero was doing an indie zombie film and one had high hopes for this, in the way of his original masterpiece Night Of The Living Dead.

After a particularly rousing opening, the kids with the camera POV didn’t work very well due to some bad acting, some really bad dialogue and Romero’s deep misunderstanding of “those crazy kids on the net!” Lastly, (although I hear he’s making yet another) we have “Survival Of The Dead.” Which, for the first time is almost a sequel in that characters who made a brief appearance in DIARY are given the leads here.

What to say about this movie? I don't know. I think if you took the central story out, a take on the Hatfields and the McCoy's (I swear I'm not making this up) this could've been cool. Reviewing this almost makes no sense. It is what it is. And that isn't much. That said, I will probably watch any Romero zombie film that he shoots till the day I die. Maybe he'll rediscover himself at some point but....I don't know. I don't even know what to make of this film, much less the ridiculously pretentious final shot.

Still, Romero is the master, and just as Bob Dylan puts out some really shit CDs in between the good ones, I'm still hoping for Romero to knock one of these out of the park.

The Seth McFarlane 1 1/2 Animated Sunday Show (American Dad, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show)(Fox)
What better way to enjoy a Sunday evening with The Simpsons, followed by 90 minutes of Seth McFarlane's hijacking of Sunday night. American Dad, Family Guy and The Cleveland Show are all such reliable laugh getters that I'm starting to wish Seth could take over as showrunner on The Simpsons and maybe pump some new life into that veteran show. While The Simpsons can still come up with a great episode here and there, these days it plays more like an appetizer to the real Sunday night main course.

Losing It with Jillian (NBC)
Jillian, the lithe, angry trainer from The Biggest Loser, gets her own hour here in which she travels to new cities to scream at and belittle mostly minorities about their eating habits. After everybody cries, she comes back in 5 weeks to find the people who were yelled out lost 25 pounds because NBC told them to. Despite all this, I love it. Fat people losing weight never gets old.
Grade: B

88 Minutes (HBO)
Truly ludicrous. I could go on about the insane plot twists, the first-rate cast reduced to acting this out, Pacino's hammy performance, the insanity of the last ten minutes, the fact that this is called 88 minutes but lasts almost 2 hours, but then, you haven't quite lived till you've seen this film.
Grade: It's so bad it's good.

Face/Off (DVD)
A highly over-looked and slightly over-cooked piece of cinema from the late 90s when Travolta was still super-interesting after his Pulp Fiction turn. Nicholas Cage is terrific largely playing Travolta, and while the plot might be ludicrous, it somehow works as long as you don't ask too many questions. Overlong by about 20 minutes, this John Woo directed wannabe epic has a mighty score, some dynamite scenes, echoes of every film he's ever done, and stands as the sole project he's directed in America that comes close to the kind of films he made in Hong Kong.
Grade: B +

Big Brother (CBS – summer 2010)
A lot of fun this summer. I loved the mean redhead, can't get enough of the intelligence-challenged Enzo, and think they got it right this year casting-wise. Who will win? Tough to say since they got rid of Rachel who was my first bet, but Brendon seems to have been coated in Teflon. We'll see, but for the moment I'll go with Brendon if he can turn things around. Some might say he's playing like a chump, others might recognize he's playing a brilliant game.
Grade: B

Drawn Together Movie:The Movie! (DVD)
After 3 increasingly funny and outrageously profane seasons, Comedy Central mysteriously and quietly cancelled this animated half hour. I loved this show, and I liked the wrap-up movie that we never thought was coming. While not as fun as the series, this is a nice way to get some closure, and the DVD is chock full of extras that answer almost every question about the movie, the future, and the actors playing the roles. (Is that innocent Cree Summers from "A Different World" voicing the dirtiest character on TV, Foxxxy Brown?)

And the extras, including the 3D controversy, is plenty reason to check out this disc and say goodbye forever to these strange, disgusting and mostly hilarious characters
Series Grade: A
Finale Grade: B +

NICK SANTORA interview: part 2!
We talk about The Sopranos "Watching Too Much Television."

When we first started our interview with Nick, we covered how he went from being a Brooklyn lawyer to someone trying to break into TV writing. This time around, I get a very somber Nick as his great pilot, Breakout Kings, was not picked up for pilot season for an order. (Things have since changed, but at the time of this article, things for Breakout Kings seemed very dim.)

We pick up the story and dive right into one of this blog's favorite subjects: The Sopranos. Nick penned the very popular 4th season episode "Watching too much television" which had Adrianna planning to marry Chris so she could have an excuse not to testify against him, Tony & Co. planning a major HUD related scam to cheat the lower-income neighborhood out of housing money, but this episode is easily best known for the beat-down that occurred when Tony finally extrapolated from the news that his politico buddy, Zelman, was living with his ex-girlfriend, Irena. The scene that ended that episode is still one of the most talked about moments from the series and I got a chance to discuss the episode in detail with Nick, who was nice enough to give me the time even though he had many things going on. As usual, our conversation took place while Nick was driving around to various meetings and commitments.

Digital Couch: Welcome back, Nick. My readers enjoyed your last interview very much and I thought it was a nice buildup to talk about what went into you getting to write on one of this blog's all time favorite shows, and one of the best episodes to boot. Thanks for submitting to this again.

Nick Santora: No problem. My pleasure. If your readers want some Sopranos talk, I'm happy to provide it.

DC: Great. So, I know you're a busy man. Let's dive right in. Last we left off, you get a call and it's your agent telling you that you're meeting with David Chase, who had read your screenplay Slip & Fall, which later became your best-selling novel. What happens next?

Nick: I had to take this meeting with David Chase. I was practicing law in Brooklyn at the time. Around the corner from Silvercup Studios in Queens, where they filmed the show, was a parking lot and I remember sitting in that parking lot and being so nervous to get out of the car. Eventually I get out and start walking around to get to Chase’s office and I remember having this exact specific thought “Whatever happens in the next hour will dictate the rest of my life.”

I knew writing a Sopranos would change my life as I knew it. I also knew there were a million ways to not get the job, so I decided going in to 100 percent be myself and not pretend to be some slick writer because at the time I wasn’t really a writer; I was a lawyer with an office over a pizza place in Brooklyn. And I knew that Chase probably liked me as a writer because he enjoyed the screenplay's subject of a man who was naïve, who was essentially me.

DC: What was that day like, knowing you had a meeting with David Chase?

Nick: A stressful element was that the day I was supposed to meet with David I was supposed to be in court. I was told by one of the partners that I couldn’t get out of court. And I just said “I’m going.” He said “No, you’re going to court.” I stood my ground, and said “I quit.” So I left work that day thinking I no longer had a legal career. I called my wife and said “I no longer have a job anymore.” After the meeting with David, I called my office the next day and they gruffly said “come back to work.”

DC: Good thing. But let's get back to the meeting with David Chase.

Nick: The offices for The Sopranos were so much cooler and hipper than the pizza joint. I was led into a large writer’s room at a huge table where I met David Chase and Terry Winter, who later became a friend. Winter really is the nicest guy ever. Mitch Burgess and Robin Greene were in the room. And David Chase was in the room.

I sat across from David. There's this huge table but David sat right next to me. We started talking and it was crazy because it was the height of Sopranos popularity and he was telling me how much he loved my script. He asked me what I felt about The Sopranos. I told him the truth, that is was the best show on TV. He said “I hope you don’t like the characters because these guys are sociopaths. You have to write them as bad guys and killers, don’t get tricked into romanticizing them.” I told him “I won’t if I get the job.”

He smiles and said “in your screenplay there’s a character whose smile is real but then turns on the hero on a dime, and that's the world of the Sopranos.” We talked for a while. He was very concerned as to whether I would have the time to write the script with my legal practice. I said I will have more than enough time because I had a couple of weeks off for Christmas, but the truth was I just didn’t know if I had even had a job left for me. But I was scared to tell him about that because I didn’t want him to think I was a flake who quits a job over a meeting.

DC: So then what happens?

Nick: He thanks me for my time. They all said goodbye. During the meeting Terry didn’t say too much but we talked later and I found out that what we had in common is that he, in a past life, was a personal injury defense attorney and we knew a lot of the same people and I admired Terry because the only thing more horrible and boring than being a plaintiff’s personal injury lawyer was working for the insurance companies like he did and he found a way out too.

I left that meeting and went back home to my apt. in New York that I shared with my wife, but I wasn’t confident about the job because I couldn’t see Chase hiring an attorney who hadn't written television before. I started getting depressed because I thought I should’ve done something different in the meeting. I started getting into a dark, depressed place that night. My wife and I took a walk that night in the freezing cold. When we got back my agents called. I said “what’s up guys?” They said “Congrats. You got the job!"

I lost it. I pumped my fist in the air, my dog went nuts, my wife and I got in the car and drove to my parents house and went in and told them I didn’t get the job to goof with them, then I told them the good news. Called a few of my friends – everyone was so happy for me. That was one of the best feelings about the whole experience. True happiness for me from people who cared about me.

A few days later I was supposed to go through the beat sheet with the staff about what the episode would be. At this point, I’m back at work at my law firm like George Costanza – all was forgotten and forgiven. Then I was at court with all these motions and later that afternoon I was supposed to leave for David Chase. The judge showed up late and now it was time to go to Silvercup. So I pulled the judge’s court clerk aside and said “look man, you gotta help me and call my case.’ He said “I can’t play favorites.” I told him I had a big thing – he didn’t care. I begged him. He couldn’t do anything for me. I said “I’ll be completely honest with you: I have a meeting with the creator of the Sopranos." He says “are you lying? That's my favorite show." Next thing I know, they call my case, I rush from Brooklyn to Queens and next thing you know – I'm at Silvercup Studios.

Now I’m with the rest of the team. That was very interesting to me because it was the first time I had actually seen a beat sheet and I was surprised how lean it was. It was just bullet points like “Tony and the gang welcome Paulie back from prison,” “guys sit in the steam room and talk about the Hud scam,” etc. Then we talked in depth about the scenes and where the characters were headed and they gave me those episodes that hadn't aired yet. It was very top secret – signed disclosure forms. I just couldn’t wait to hand those scripts back to Silvercup so they knew I didn’t lose them.

Then I went off to write, and that weekend I started writing the script in my in-laws basement in NJ – my wife wanted to spend the weekend with her parents and my father in law had a nice quiet basement office.

DC: At this point, and for readers of this blog, it’s time for Sopranos geek-out time:
Okay, you said you had a basic beat sheet. One of the most memorable things about the episode is the way Tony beat Zelman with that belt. Where did that idea come from?

Nick: The idea of Tony going after Zelman at the end of the episode was in the beat sheet, and later in the day the idea was floated in the room but 10 years ago, not sure who came up with the belt idea specifically. But the idea of Tony going after Zelman was not my idea – all the credit goes to the Sopranos team. But when I wrote the script, I wanted Zelman to be naked, and the actor refused to be naked.

Writing it was exhilarating but halfway though the first scene when I typed in the name TONY and hit ENTER, I realized I was about to start putting words in Tony’s mouth, and I remember thinking “holy shit, I’m a guy with no produced writing credits in his in-laws basement and I’m about to start writing dialog for one of the most famous characters in television history." Then I took a deep breath, exhaled and started pounding the keys.

DC: Tony always walked the line between being likable and monstrous. But we'd never seen him be quite that petty and horrible before (that I could think of.) How did you feel about him beating Zelman?

Nick: My feeling is that it was in character with what Tony would do…when I was in my meeting with Chase, and he told me Tony would go after Zelman, I remember I said out loud, to myself: “this is going to be cool.” Chase mimicked me and laughed. He was getting a kick out if the excited kid lawyer.

DC: Was it the song "oh, girl" that set Tony off?

Nick: I don’t think it was only the song. One way or another, Tony would’ve found another reason to beat the shit out of the guy. But the song was the trigger.

DC: In Sopranos mythology, everyone always talks about the fact that when Zelman first talked about Irena, we saw some shots of him putting on his belt. The same belt he'd later beat Zelman with over this very issue. Was that in the script?

Nick: It wasn't. John Patterson directed the episode, but he’s unfortunately since passed and I'm not sure about the evolution of that sequence.

DC: I always thought after the beating that Irena wanted to leave with Tony. It looked like she wasn't sure what to do at the end.

Nick: That was performance and the director. I just had Tony leave them.

DC: How did you feel about the doomed romance between Furio and Carmella?

Nick: That was fun because it was a slow build but it had a great payoff in the season finale when it all came out.

DC: Anything big in the script that didn't get filmed?

Nick: The original C story was AJ having a crush on a girl at school and he gets a big sty in his eye and he gets teased for it and there was this whole parallel story about how Tony deals with Irena not being his – but Chase decided not to do that AJ storyline. I was already working on The Guardian when he made this decision so they came up with a new C story that dealt with Adrianna and that lead to one of the biggest honors of my career, sharing screen credit with Terry Winter.

DC: Do you remember some of your lines that made you happy to watch play out?

Nick: Oh, it was so long ago. I liked the line about Paulie getting laid in prison all the time. I also remember writing “Buy land, ‘cause God ain’t makin’ any more of it,” and Tony’s toast to the federal government, amongst others.

DC: What was one of the most surprising things about the experience for you?

Nick: The thing that really came across to me is how great the show's writers and producers are because every day they had created these underlying subliminal themes in the episode: no matter how hard you try 2you can’t get out of this world once you’ve made that choice. I thought that was all over my episode. That idea, that theme. You see with Irena, with Zelman and especially with Adrianna. But even Tony can’t get out of this world if you look at what he eventually did…..you can’t get away from the nature of that business.

DC: Was there anything very differently shot from your original intention?

Nick: No. The director did such a great job, I was just really honored. And writing that type of material was great. That HUD thing, the circle of corruption has so many victims. People don’t even realize that they’re victims of organized crime. People don't think that every slice of pizza you buy is jacked up 20 percent because the owner has to give something for protection. Details like that are what made The Sopranos such a great show. Because we liked these guys, but they were absolutely corrupt.

DC: So you finish the script, hand it in - then what?

Nick: After writing it and being done, right before Christmas 2001, that’s when I decided to give full time writing a chance. I got my bonus check from my law firm that Christmas and as soon as it cleared, I quit. It was so liberating. Then I went out to L.A. to look for writing work while my wife stayed in New York to finish up her job.

I was out here 16 days and the day my wife flew out to L.A. to spend a few days with me, I got the call that I'd been hired by the CBS show The Guardian, so me and my wife got to celebrate that together.

DC: So how long after you handed in your Sopranos script did it air?

Nick: Nine months later or so; I was working on The Guardian when it aired. We were in L.A. My wife and I invited our new friends in LA to our apartment for a huge Italian dinner for our Sopranos episode. We invited 12 people to sit in the tiny apartment to watch it. My wife cooked all day; pasta and meatballs, red wine. We were planning on watching the West Coast feed with our friends, but we had DIRECT TV and it just came on via the East Coast feed as we were getting ready for the party. So we just said "oh, crap, we can watch this earlier than everyone else," so my wife and I sat on the couch and we watched the episode by ourselves before everyone came over.

It was weird. The moment the credit came up and I saw my name on the screen, I started crying. So many people thought it was insane to leave a steady job and even though it turned out well, so many people told me I was crazy, stupid. People told me it was impossible to break into this business when you didn’t know anybody. I just felt this complete and utter release of pressure – after that aired I felt like I had proven to myself that I could do it. Just an incredibly emotional release. My wife was asking me what was wrong – I said “I’m just so damn happy.” It was such a cathartic moment – I’m so thankful to David Chase and Terry Winter, who was so great during the whole episode – just a prince. During the writing he had given me his home number, cell, etc. He said, “call if you have questions. I want this to be a good experience for you.”

The Guardian was a great situation, full 22 episodes were ordered but we wound up doing 23 and as a staff writer I wrote a whole bunch of scripts scripts and they wound up promoting me in a year to co-producer.

After The Sopranos aired, a lot of people who hadn’t been in touch with me for a long time saw my credit and reached out and expressed congratulations. I got a huge boost of confidence. I’ll always be able to say that I had a tiny tiny part/membership card to an exclusive club for a brief moment of time and that’s something I’ll always be proud of.

DC: What was James Gandolfini like?

Nick: He’s larger than life, he’s a physical presence and I’m not a small guy. He just kind of grumbled past and Terry says “Hey Jim, this is Nick Santora. He was the writer on the episode.” He goes “how you doing Nicky?” That was it. But I got to write for one of the great American actors of our generation.

DC: When's the last time you saw the episode?

Nick: Maybe nine years? I rarely get to go back and see my old work.

DC: Thanks again for the time. I thought it was one of the best episodes of the series and it was great to hear about it. Thanks again.

Next up: Prison Break and beyond!

Hot Tub Time Machine! Bronson! And more!

2010-07-21T15:10:00.000-07:00

TVBronson (DVD)
Nicolas Winding Refn, who made the absolutely brilliant Pusher trilogy, directs a film about Britain’s most known jailed criminal, Charles Bronson. I liked this film a lot, but it’s a huge departure in tone from Pusher. This is a lyrical, downbeat and sometimes hard to follow folly of a man who doesn’t know who he really is, and is happiest destroying his own life by getting into endless fights and crime sprees. I did not come away from this film loving it, but I did admire the filmmaking. Next up for Nicolas Winding Refn: supposdedly a reboot of Wonder Woman.
Grade: C +

TV's Greatest Surprises (CBS)
A pretty fun trip down memory lane and Jeff Probst did a very nice job hosting. Some of the clips were odd choices to say the least, but all were entertaining on some level.
Grade: B

Taken (HBO)
Liam Neeson is afraid to let his daughter (played by the worst actress of the moment, Maggie Grace (Shannon from Lost), go overseas because as a former government spy Liam has seen it all and doesn’t trust his girl being alone overseas. He relents, and a day later she calls him just as she is being kidnapped for sale in the white-slave prostitution market. He knew it!
Snarky remarks aside, this gets pretty great once Liam is in motion. SPOILER ALERT:
Why doesn’t anyone care about the girl that died?
Grade: B

Jesse James on NIGHTLINE (ABC)
Pathetic. Not only did he start the interview by claiming that he first thought Sandra Bullock was some “Hollywood bitch” before he met her. Then he met her and discovered she really had some smarts in her!

Then he started crying about child abuse he suffered that has since been refuted.
My guess: Jesse James has some nice guy persona that shield the fucking asshole that he really is – and this interview proved what a moron he is.

You had it all, Jesse. But as Elvis Costello and Bob Dylan before him once said” You threw it all away.”
For a tattooed Nazi.
Jesse James: F

Hot Tub Time Machine (DVD)
One of the real surprises in the last few months of onscreen comedy, Hot Tub looks and feels like an 80s movie with a modern sensibility. John Cusack’s presense only intensifies the 80s feel, and Craig Robinson just keeps getting better and funnier in every role. This is not a picture-perfect clever time-travel film that pays so much attention to the minute details of time-travel so much as it pays attention to the emotional core of these characters, and still has quite a few 80s suprises up its sleeve. There are some real belly laughs, Chevy Chase makes a memorable cameo, and the cast gels together wonderfully. The unrated version is what I watched. Completely profane, and I loved it.
Grade: B +

2012 (DVD)
I rented this and blasted the sound, ready to give myself over to a two hour world-ending bonanza. What I got instead was John Cusack running around and a lot of miserable scenes to accompany the destruction. This had to be one of the most poorly plotted and routine action pictures I have ever seen. Every other scene was “just because this man is a janitor, that does not mean he doesn’t deserve to live!” I wanted to love this because there is a great film to be made about the end of the world. This is about as far from it as you can get. The funniest thing about this film is that whenever it’s about to get interesting, the director would cut to something else. There is so much bad in this film, so little good, that I have nothing to really say except avoid this unless you like just-okay special effects.
Grade: D

Cabin Fever

2010-07-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

Cabin Fever (IFC)
I finally caught this genuine creepfest of a horror film. The first scary movie directed by Eli Roth, this was the film that caught the eye of Quentin Tarantino who later would lend his name to HOSTEL, the torture-porn masterpiece Roth later wrote and directed. As for this movie, five friends take up in a remote woods cabin for a weekend getaway. What they encounter are very strange rednecks and flesh eating diseases. None of the horror comes from expected places and the film builds genuine tension. If the last 20 minutes get a little haywire, it's still quite a nice balancing act the director keeps for an extended eerie time. Far from a perfect film, this is a pretty terrific creepy rental.
Grade: B -

Friday The 13th, Orphan & The Last House On The Left remake.

2010-06-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

Orphan (Horror (2009) (DVD)
One of the most wretched films I'll ever love. This 2 hour creepfest is a true bad movie masterpiece grounded heavily by a terrific set of performances by the parents, a twisted performance by the lead little girl playing the orphan, an absolutly ludicrous plot that will astonish and inspire some weird sense of awe, and basic good filmaking. As much as I despise the horrifying things that happen to the kids in this, I loved every second of it.
Grade: B +

Friday The 13th (2009 Remake HBO)
Terrible, terrible remake/reboot of the 80s film which spawned more than 10 sequels. The truth is, aside from a 2 minute nonsensical opening which referred to the opening film, there is absolutely nothing original about this. Bad script, bad direction and very bad kills. Worst of all, I can't see what really seperates this from any of the bad sequels, with the one exception that this might be the very worst of them all. BORING!
Grade: F

The Last House On the Left (DVD - 2009 remake)
Another huge surprise. Get the unrated version for all the nastiness in a well-mounted and very well acted film about a gang of hooligans who do the unthinkable to a pair of young women in the woods, then accidentily look for shelter in the home of the parents of one of the missing girls. This is a porn-torture film and particularly grisly in its unedited form, but also glorious in its ideas of retribution. Very well staged and actually improves on the Wes Craven classic from which this is inspired by.
Grade: A

The Dead Set, Breaking Bad, Confessions of a Superhero

2010-06-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

The Simpsons (Fox)
I know this has not been a great season, but I recently caught the episode where Homer and Chief Wiggum get caught up in a bromance. Loved it. Wish the rest of the season was like that. More on The Simpsons and Sunday night on Fox coming.

The Dead Set (BBC)
A great 5 part half hour series from the BBC. It begins as a behind the scenes look at yet another variation of Big Brother. Only then Zombies come. And the cameras stay on. As weird as this sounds, it was terrific.
Grade: A -

Confessions Of A Superhero (IFC)
One of my recent favorite documentaries, Confessions tells the story about the superheroes of Hollywood Blvd. The wanna-be actors (I say that lovingly) who dress up as super heroes and go out on Hollywood Blvd. and shill for money by taking pics with tourists. While I kind of liked the guy that played Superman, fell in crazy love with the bombshell, albeit delusional gal who plays Wonder Woman, I was completely disturbed by the guy that dons the Batman outfit. Listening to him in his Batman suit describing a murder he might have committed - it doesn't get more surreal than that.
Grade: A

Breaking Bad (2nd season DVD)
Still going through, still LOVING this.

True Beauty, Irene In Time, The Bachelorette, Breaking Bad.

2010-06-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

True Beauty (ABC)
A new show in which the gorgeous young contestants think that they're on some kind of beauty/reality show. But there are hidden cameras and they are really being tested on their "inner beauty." I love the idea of this show, and its fun to watch beautiful people be total assholes, but something about the setup keeps this from really testing these people. They end up faced with these weird setups where you don't even blame them for doing the wrong thing. Making this a bit more interesting is the presence of Beth O., also known as the wife of Howard Stern. She's beautiful and fun and seems unusually nice, and her presence here is quite a welcome relief from the usual TV stiff. I like this show, but I think by the end it gets kind of hokey. At least it did last season.
Grade: B -

Irene In Time (Drama 2009 DVD)
I LOVE Henry Jaglom movies. Last Summer In The Hamptons is one of my very favorite films. That said, this one is a total failure. It's about these women and their daddy issues, but every conversation is an emotional catharsis, none of the improv seems remotely believable, and the lead actress gives a twitchy, disturbing performance that is hard to watch.
Grade: D

The Bachelorette (ABC)
I find her completely annoying and I loved the initial weirdness with the Weatherman and that older, aggressive angry guy. But now that he's gone, it's already a bit ho-hum. And the Bachelorette herself is a real bore.
Grade: C

Starting Out In The Evening (HBO)
Frank Langella is a famous author and Lauren Ambrose is a pretty young student doing a paper on him. Langella is solid as a rock here, but its a badly overly written role, with every writer cliché in the book present. Lauren is even more annoying here than in 6 FEET UNDER. She plays this girl like she's Woodward in All The President's Men. It's a really badly observed acting job. There is also some hokum involving some ludicrous and boring plotline about Langella's daughter, and by the time this thing rolls around to the end...it's not good. Only worth it if you are a Frank Langella completist, and he is good here but un-served by the production.
Grade: D +

Breaking Bad (2nd season DVD)
I'm in the middle and will report back once I'm finished, but so far, so great.

New Reviews.

2010-05-28T09:14:00.000-07:00

Jimmy Kimmel killed on a very entertaining HOLLYWOOD SALUTES MATT DAMON.

HOUSE, MD (Fox) (Season Finale)
Best. Season Finale. Ever.
Huddy!

HIGH LIFE (DVD)
I've never even heard of this movie but ended up watching it last week. Timothy Olyphant stars in this C-grade heist movie elevated mightily by Olyphant's performance as a junkie thief.
Grade: C +

TWO BROTHERS (DVD)
If you haven't seen this film about two tigers seperated at birth, it's a gem.
Grade: A

BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: RAW & UNCUT Vol. 1 (DVD)
Sort of the southern-fried version of Stern, without Howard's wit or charm. Just an upped anti on grossness. Kind of like a slightly dirtier Jack-Ass. This is some of his "best" bits from his radio show. Some of it is funny, some tedious, and most too racy to describe. I like Bubba, but I only have room in my heart for one radio guy.
Grade: B -

UNAMI BURGER (La Brea Avenue)
Best burger I have ever had. It's about 8 bucks a burger and about as good as it gets. I'll go so far to say that in a lot of ways, it redefines what you want in a hamburger. The menu has 100 burgers listed, but I would go for the original.
Grade: A

24 (Fox) Season Finale
I love 24. Completely. They've had some off seasons, but this one caught fire once they decided it was the last network run. From the time of Hassan's death, to the shooting at Jack's apt., to Jack's IRON MAN suit and abduction of the ex-president brilliantly played by Gregory Itzkin, this has been an insanely tense and exciting season. Despite the Dana insanity and some despite Freddie Prinze Jr.'s bad New York accent. Michael Madson did a great turn guest-starring, and this thing was on fire right up until...the final hour. Sorry, no spoilers but taking your man out of mostly all the action right at the top and pivoting the final hour on Cherry Jones' (who was superb) President...didn't feel right. It was frustrating to not have Jack driving the final hour. And the last few seconds was as cheesy as it gets. That said, the conversation with both the President and Chloe were great and cathartic, and this was one of the most kick-ass shows to ever be on television. It will be missed.
Final season grade: B +
Overal grade: A

AMERCAN IDOL (Season Finale) Fox
I could care less about this season's Idols. Really. But the final episodes had Simon leaving and presented Paula Abdul in a return visit to the show. She looked great and her taped bit was heartfelt. But that live performance - what a fucking doozy. Look it up on YouTube under "awkward." Boy can she not speak. And the Peter Cetera-less Chicago segment, oh well. Simon will be missed and I suspect I will migrate to the new show, as the idea of Randy and Ellen leaves me cold. Ellen by the way, was fucking horrible.

DAMAGES (F/X)
I never reviewed the finale, but this was a top-notch season and a great, if really overstuffed finale. I'm glad that they found a way to fund a 4th season.
Grade: A

DOWN IN THE VALLEY (DVD)
Some unwatchable mess about some porn thing in the valley. Yuck.
Grade: F

The end of LOST! (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) Season Finale of CELEB APPRENTICE (Winner revealed in review)

2010-05-24T01:25:00.001-07:00

LOST (ABC) (Final Episode)
I don't have much to say. On the ho-hum side. I was expecting and hoping for something more. The show seems to have satisfied some viewers and really aliented another batch. I'm somewhere in between. The 2 1/2 hour finale didn't really bother with most of the nagging questions posted by long time Lost addicts, like the Dharma Initiative, why the women were losing their babies, etc. Instead focusing on a silly fight between the Locke Monster and Jack. I guess I was okay with the sideways world being a sort of purgatory, but the episode actually begged more questions than it answered. Was the island real at all? Was the entire thing a dream? Or just the sideways world part? Is Ben choosing to be a ghost the rest of his life? I mean - I'm not kidding. There are literally hundreds of questions I have, but I'm sure they're all explainable. Did this have an emotionally satisfying ending? I guess it did. The Sopranos might've left a lot of loose ends, but for the most part, you knew where the central relationships stood. This was like...I don't know. I had settled in for a fantastic night of mind-bending television and thought this was one of the weaker episodes in a way than many I'd seen before it. It relied so heavily on the super-natural that I'm not sure I quite connected with it. I am a TV geek and sure I could do 9 pages on this, but the finale left me so cold, I think I'm just kind of over it.

Grade: I have no idea. I don't know what to make of it. I liked the series so much for the most part, I guess in time I might have a different take on the finale. For now, I'm kind of frustrated with it. I suppose in some ways it makes sense even though the show broke most of the rules it had set up itself....and the last shots suggested that there was no Island life, yet someone said that you saw the shelters they had built....so, again. I guess my grade is just a sigh and a shrug.

That said, I loved a lot of what I saw these last few seasons, and I think sometimes the momementum and forward motion of a show is far better than its conclusion. At no point would I suggest this was bad like the Seinfeld finale (the worst of all time perhaps) but this was more of a big fat mediocre disappointment. I keep saying I'm done and writing more, because I think this one of those debates best left in cyberspace to the real Lost-heads. For me, as someone who has seen every episode, I was hoping for something that moved me and blew my mind, I didn't get that here, but there was some closure and the dog lived. So I guess...I'm just going to stop. I really don't know what to say. I just know this, great final episodes make you re-evaluate a series and want to go back and watch the whole thing again. The Sopranos did that. Cheers did that. Prison Break did such a good finale that it redeemed any negativity about the final season. That Lost would enter that group of fine endings seemed a foregone conclusion.

It's funny, the other night when Evangaline Lilly went on Letterman the other night, Letterman said the only ending that would make him happy would be one in which the whole thing was declared a dream. An appalled Lilly (who also announced she doesn't watch tv - what an intellectual!) said "That is the least imaginative thing I've ever heard." Was she trying to send a message to her producers, or was she watching a different show?

Either way, Lost provided us with years of good television, and some of the hours were ridiculously good. I just think the final batch of episodes being a match between a smoke monster (who you can apparently kill by throwing him on a rock) and Jack, because they were fighting over...a light in the island under the rocks I think....I don't know.

Moving on.

UPDATE: I wrote that last night in the heat of dissapointment. Now that the ending has sunk in somewhat, I'm much more forgiving and started looking at Lost as a whole series instead of one episode.

That said, Lost really was a breathrough network show. There may never be anything again like it, and while I might not have liked all the choices they ultimately made, I still think the ambition here is not to be ignored and will probably never be duplicated. The truth was, I think we all wanted an emotional ending and not something caught up in answering every question posed along the way. I'm not sure I'm really...moved by the answer, and I have some burning questions I would like answered that I felt could've been resolved last night, but I wonder with this final piece of the puzzle how Lost will eventually settle in my mind.

I'm withholding a final grade till I get a chance to see it again.

THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (ABC)
This was a pretty good year. We all know who won and if you don't, you can look it up. Sufice it to say that I thought while the wrong person won, it was clearly a case of the popular thing happening. It seems like the audience wrote the ending. And what the fuck was Cyndi Lauper singing? Could she have picked anything more obscure? Brett was fantastic on the show, but I don't think Holly Robinson could've been beat by anything but Brett becoming a national hero, which is exactly what happened. It was no accident that Snapple gave both winners the exact amount of money.
Grade: B

Kick ass! 24: The end is coming.

2010-05-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

KICK ASS (In Theaters)
Part superhero mythos, part Superbad, and lots of Tarantino inspired "Kill Bill" mayhem, this is a truly super-violent display of both tone and film-making bravado. The hero of this, Kick-Ass, is an average teenager who just wants to do something amazing. There are so many spoilers here that I don't want to give too much away. I'll leave it at this - the actors here are top notch. Particularly the kids. And especially that little girl who plays Nicholas Cage's (Cage is excellent here) daughter. I kind of loved this movie, even though while it presented its superheroes in somewhat realistic light, the bad guys and scenarios were a lot more by-the-book than you'd expect. I kind of need to see a sequel. (Although I don't quite know if this made enough money to warrant one.)
Grade: B +

24 (Fox)
With all the hype surrounding the LOST finale, not enough attention has been paid to the closing out of one of our greatest modern action hours, 24. No spoilers here, but the last 4 or 5 eps have been truly dazzling and is serving as a masterfully satisfying finish to what is sure to become a great film franchise. Jack has never been more ruthless and haunted. And the twists keep piling up. I fucking love it.
Grade: A

FRAT HOUSE (HBO DOC)
This is a banned docu that I got a chance to see (a friend had the original tape from HBO - I think it aired once.) Let me save you all the trouble. It is good filmmaking. Very good. I just don't think you're going to see anything much here that will surprise you. People are aware of just how crazy pledging a frat can be, and there is nothing here that calls for public outcry. Still pretty fun if you haven't seen it, and if you have no idea what goes on in these pledge weeks, by all means seek this out. But honestly, this was just okay.
Grade: C

DO I DRINK TOO MUCH (BBC DOC)
A fascinating docu by a guy who always had seen himself as a "regular" drinker. He starts to go to doctors to see what the alcohol is doing to him. He takes part in a variety of tests administered in offices to see what effects alcohol have on him. This is probably easy to find on the internet, and if you ever wondered about the effects of alcohol, seek this out.
Grade: B

The Breathing Technique (A Magazine)
Sorry. Can't remember the magazine, but I read about this technique and actually tried it - and it actually worked! The next time you're feeling stressed out and anxiety is over-taking you, try this: put your thumb lightly under your right nostril, and then breathe in through your left nostril deeply 30 times. You may not make it all the way to 30, but think about the process while it's happening and I swear, there are all kinds of reasons why this happens, but I'mn not a doctor and I don't even remember where I read about this. But - this will actually give you a physiological change that will mellow you the fuck out!
Grade: A

30 ROCK (NBC)
Jack choosing between Julianne Moore and Avery is ridiculous. Julianne Moore is one of my all time favorite actresses. But this is not a good role for her, the accent is truly beyond cheesy or cute, and Avery is every man's fantasy and the actress playing her is hilarious. So give us a break. And I still really like this show, even if its gotten too surreal for its own good.

WHITE POWER (DOCUMENTARY)
Another BBC docu on a subject and frankly, all these docs on white power are usually about the same. Very grim, depressing and rather boring subject matter. The skinheads or nazis or whoever is talking is usually really fucking super size dumb. We get it. It's not good to be a nazi. Point taken.
Grade: D

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (DVD)
I recently saw this again on DVD just to catch the "alternate endings." There are no extras here. Just a chilling film perfect for a rental and of the 3 existing endings (one which is not on the dvd) I have no idea which I prefer. I think I wish they never showed the alternate endings so I can just have one idea of what happened. If you see this, stick with one or the other, but looking at the other endings exposes the whole docu feel of this subtle creep fest.
Grade: B +

PORT OF CALL: THE BAD LT. (DVD)
This was one of my favorites of the year. I just looked at the DVD and am sad to report there are NO extras whatsoever. Still a great movie.
Grade: A

Howard Stern, 24, and Nick Santora (Sopranos, Prison Break) interview.

2010-05-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

The Howard Stern Radio Show (Sirius Satellite Radio)
Has been better than ever. Without the sorely missed Artie, Howard has somehow brought the show to another level, and he and Robin are now center stage again. It's certainly a different show from the one he and Artie were doing, but the last few weeks of shows have been as good as they've ever been. The Willie Nelson interview was a standout. The couple that won the million bucks was also superb. If only Fred would talk a bit more and am I the only one that thinks bringing back Jackie Martling would not be the worst thing to ever happen?

Conan O'Brien was kind of great on 60 MINUTES.

FACES (DVD)
I love John Casavetes films. I watched over an hour of this and needed aspirin. I'm sure at the time (the 60s) this made a lot of sense. I didn't get it.

SNL: Betty White (NBC)
Not only did Betty White come through, but SNL came through with one of its better episodes of the season. Bringing back a lot of the past female players was a great idea, but Betty stole the show. Truly.
Grade: A

FAMILY GUY 150th (Fox)
A full half hour of just Stewie and Brian in a locked vault. No cutaways, no gimicks, almost like a 28 minute stage play. That said, some of this was as absolutely profane and vile as the show ever gets. I loved every minute of it. I hope this runs forever. The dance numbers that followed were fun, but that original episode was a real winner.
Grade: A

24 (Fox)
The clock is ticking and with every episode, this gains more and more momentum. What started out as routine as become one of the best seasons of the entire run. This last episode that had Jack deciding on Dana's fate was completely gripping and
suprising. The stuff between Jack and Chloe is superb and I even have to say - Freddie Prinze Jr. is terrific in this. Wow, I said it.
Grade: A

MEET NICK SANTORA:
Nick Santora is a writer who’s written some of this blog’s favorite subjects. His first produced work was the great 4th season Sopranos episode “Watching too much television” which had Tony & Co. subverting HUD funds and ended with Tony giving Assemblyman Zelman a beat down with his belt for having the audacity to date Tony’s ex-girlfriend. It was one of the great 4th season episodes. From there Nick went on to write and produce The Guardian and Law & Order. He also created and executive produced the reality show Beauty & The Geek. He then began on season 1 of one of this blog’s favorite all time shows “Prison Break” and stayed on all the way through all four seasons. He even penned the series swan song “The Final Break.”

Along the way he wrote a National best-selling novel and – oh yeah – he used to be a lawyer in Brooklyn. He’s also a great guy and a friend of mine, so I asked him if he wouldn’t mind me barraging him with questions about his life and career. The following is part one of a four part interview. I caught up with Nick as he was getting lost between the 101 and 405 trying to get to Burbank to do a final mix on the edit of his brand new pilot “Breakout Kings” which he co-created with Prison Break showrunner, Matt Olmstead.

These are heady times for Nick as he awaits word from Fox over his pilot, but despite the stress and anxiety of prepping a pilot, Nick was nice enough to grant these interviews and I thought the shows he worked on were of particular interest to readers of this blog:

NICK SANTORA INTERVIEW PART I

Digital Couch: So, where do we start? Sly Stallone said that before Rocky, he was as low as one could be in this business and you kind of weren’t even in the business when you started. Can you take us through that as best you can?

Nick: I was a lawyer in Manhattan. I worked for Sullivan and Cromwell, one of the most prominent law firms in the world. I was doing so much paper pushing I knew I’d never get into a courtroom and actually litigate, so I switched my place of business, and went from a huge high-end firm to a firm with five lawyers literally located above a pizza place in Brooklyn. I went from dealing with Fortune 500 companies to guys who got hurt on construction sites or slipped and fell in supermarkets.

On the whole, I was a very unhappy person. I was in my mid-20s, I was a lawyer, and by the time I got to my late 20s and saw 30 approaching I was miserable. My wife one morning comes out of the bathroom - she saw me in my boxers and wearing a shirt sitting on the edge of the bed, not getting ready for work – I had been there for an hour. I looked at her and said “it’ll get better.” I was talking about my depression over this existence I had chosen and felt stuck in. My wife answered “it better.”

The truth is, I was in a constant cloud of misery. I was looking down the barrel of 30 more years of practicing law, which is the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to write.
When I was 6 years old, I wrote a poem and I remember what it felt like to put words together and see how they “fit” in place…to me that was an electrifying experience and to this day I remember that poem:

I Would Like To Be An Orange
By Nick Santora (at 6 years old)

I would like to be an orange.
To have some orange skin.
I would like to be an orange.
To have a lovely grin.

I would like to be an orange.
To be washed and to be dried.
I’m always an orange.
I’m an orange inside.

DC: Nick, that was beautiful.

Nick: Dude, I don’t even like fucking oranges. But it started the idea of putting words together for me. I remember it so well because I still get that feeling everyday where you think you pick the right word…it’s a chemical release in my brain. It feels like you’re high – a natural high. All through my life I would write stories. Back when I was dating my wife and I was broke, (Law School and the loans added up to being poor) I would write novellas for her as gifts. But even though I wanted to write, I felt that I owed my family a law degree since they had put up the funds to get me a very expensive education. In fact, I was the first male Santora to graduate college.

DC: Sounds great, but also sounds like a bit of a burden.

Nick: A heavy burden. Anyway, so now I’m in law for a living, I’m hating it and miserable and I felt like she’d (my wife) eventually catch my misery and leave me because I’m such a sad-sack bastard. And I wouldn’t blame her.

A few days later, I’m in Manhattan and I’m covering a few motions that are being dealt with at he same time. I’m running from courthouse to courthouse. I’m worried that one of my cases would get marked off the court calendar because maybe I’d be late. And while I’m running , this blind woman on the corner says “would somebody help me cross the street?” So, I blow past this woman like she’s a statue, I’m half-way across the street…now this becomes a major moment in my life. Here I am, running around, literally ignoring a disabled person who’s asking for help to get to a job I fucking hate. I wondered what my mom would think if she could see me right now? So go back, grab the woman, and she keeps thanking me and I’m thinking “I have to make a change.”

My wife and I were planning a vacation. I asked her if I could take the last week of my time off and just stay home and try my hand at writing a screenplay. My wife said “Absolutely! Stop talking about it and finally write something.”

So I had that last week off. Took out my wife to dinner that Friday night, went to bed early, then Saturday morning, I sat down at our shitty kitchen table and really shitty computer in our completely shitty apartment, and I started to write. I started Saturday morning and finished around midnight the next Sunday. Nine straight days of writing and I finished a script called “Slip & Fall.”

I was so naïve. I figured I finished a script, now some agent’s going to want to represent me. See, the thing is, in California, everyone has a script. From the taxi driver to the doorman to the executives, everybody has a script. New York is a little different (at the time.) Back then in New York, nobody wrote screenplays at that time. So I went online thinking I’ll search for an agent. I typed in “screenplay agent.” What came up was a screenplay competition that had agents showing up at it.

There was also a film festival portion, and then a competition for unproduced screenplays. The directions on the contest were not to send a script but rather a synopsis. So I did. A few days later I got a call saying they’d like to read the script. But the guy from the contest said “we get hundreds and we only pick about 20 or so.” So I send it and figure that’s the end of it.

A few weeks later, I get a call saying “you’re in the competition.” I’m such a rube, I go out to Nordstroms with my wife and buy a new suit and tie that I couldn’t afford, so I can make a spiffy showing at the competition. I get there, all the other writers are dressed like slobs and now because of my suit, they think I’m an agent. So I’m getting scripts handed to me by writers, I’m getting cornered by writers, but eventually I get to pitch the judges my script and by the time I realized what was going on I realized I had somehow blown this opportunity to mix it up with agents all over this fucking suit I had worn.

A few weeks later, I’m alone in the office working on a motion and my phone rings. It’s the film festival. “Congats, we’re going to announce tomorrow that you won best screenplay.” I say “great, what do I win?” The person says to me “You win your life is going to change.”

Sure enough, I started getting calls from agencies. I signed with United Talent Agency and within a few months they got me a job writing for a show that had a 13 episode script order for a show called AT END OF DAY which was an original series for A&E. I remember the day I was supposed to start writing it. September 11, 2001.

The guy who hired me, the showrunner, Mark Rosner, called and said “you don’t have to worry. I can find someone else. I don’t expect you to finish this script with what’s going on in New York.” My response was “I want to do this more than ever.” The tragedy pointed out that any day could be your last, and I wanted this. The show didn’t get picked up, but that script did two things for me, it showed my agents that I could do the job and got me into the Writer’s Guild.

The showrunner called my agent and said “he did a great job! You should work for this guy.” A few months later I’m still doing law, and the agents call and say I have to take a meeting. I say “I can’t just pick up and take off to LA anytime there’s a possible job.” The agent said “Trust me, you want to take this meeting, and it’s in New York.”

I though a minute and said “It’s not…”

My agent replied “Yes, the meeting is with David Chase. The show is The Sopranos.”

To be continued:

New Meatloaf and Lopez Tonight!

2010-04-28T22:40:00.001-07:00

Meatloaf: Be Cool Teddy Bear (AUDIO CD) *Early review!
Readers of this blog know how much I worship Meatloaf. I love the guy. Bat I & II were among the best CDs ever made, and even Bat III had moments of greatness, if not real cohesiveness. I've been to many Meatloaf shows, but the one I went to a few years back in San Diego made me realize something - Meat's getting old. In his 60s now, that voice, at least on stage, can't really do what it used to. Truth be told, his vocals have really fallen apart live.

The studio is a much different story. I don't know what tools they use, but Meatloaf can definitely belt it out old-school style in the studio and easily sounds like the Meat of years ago.

That is what's so frustrating about writing this review. Here we have Meatloaf, ready and super-game to do something truly different, and he does. To some seriously mixed results. I'm not saying one couldn't like this CD, and I'm sure it will find its fans...but something really doesn't work here. The production is better than it’s been in years. His songs have a musicality I've not heard from him in forever. (Bat III was great - but it relied heavily on his age-old formula. A formula I love.)

Produced by Rob Cavallo, who does the Green Day albums among others, here was a case of a truly great producer, great musicians and best of all, Cavallo has always idolized Meatloaf and wanted to make a great album with him.

The CD supposedly is a concept album about a dying soldier dreaming of all the things he'll never have...but I defy anyone to find that thread in the songs or lyrics. Although there is certainly a particular style and a unification of sound here, the concept completely eluded me, as I'm sure it will most.

Okay, so is the CD any good? Yes and no. It SOUNDS good. It has a nice production value and Meat's voice sounds stronger than it has any right to and game enough to handle all kinds of lyrical patterns we've never heard from him. And yet, that's part of the problem.

We just want a great Meatloaf album. Which usually means soaring pianos, melodramatic lyrics about lost love and most of all - a sense of humor about the proceedings.

As I write this, I'm giving it a 3rd listen. It rocks harder than most Mead CDs, and again, not really a good thing. That said, there are some moments here that work. I think this might be the very first time an entire CD goes by without any Steinman tracks. (Maybe there were one or two others, but I honestly can't think of any. Possibly that one right before Bat III.)

Backstory: Meat and Steinman did Bat I together, then fought and parted. But in the 5 or so subsequent Meat CDs, Meatloaf often turned to the Steinman back catalogue for some guaranteed winners on each CD. Great Meatloaf songs without Steinman involved in some way are a rarity, but they do exist. (I'd Lie For You, Piece Of The Action, Hot Patootie (RHPS) and Blind as a Bat are all non-Steinman penned, but heavily Steinman influenced.)
Here it's all guest-stars and behind the scenes names that...I don't know. Kara Dioguardi from American Idol is here, singing and penning one tune. Hugh Laurie, who plays HOUSE is here playing piano on the CD's arguably best cut, the Springsteen-esque If I Can't Have You (it's no Springsteen.) He even duets with Jack Black on one tune that's instantly forgettable and…I mean – what the fuck? He’s now doing flat out parody and not knowing it? It reminds me of Eddie Murphy trying to be a singer with PARTY ALL THE TIME (that actually wasn’t bad.)

And that's the problem with the entire CD, its just way too forgettable. Meatloaf sings well, the music sounds good and well-produced, yet this might be the very first Meatloaf CD ever that I have not found one song to cling to. It sounds very generic with that great voice trapped in songs that never take off. Again, there are moments were you can see how this might've worked, but sadly, it really doesn't. And since he usually takes at least 3/4 years between CDs, this is a massive disappointment. Just way too much electric guitar, just so much noise when all we really want is a piano, Meatloaf and Jim Steinman.

Here is my suggestion for the next Meatloaf CD. If you can't patch things up with Steinman, do a BEST OF BAT: UNPLUGGED with stripped, slowed down versions of hits like Bat out of Hell and Anything For Love.

I love Meatloaf. I had such high hopes. But it's hard to review these songs because they are just so unsubstantial I wouldn't know where to begin.

If you have to listen to a few cuts, I'd go with If I Can't Have You (at least it tries) and the CD closer Elvis In Vegas just might grow on me....I don't know. This is...really disappointing.

Grade: C -

UPDATE: I just saw on AMAZON that with the release of HANG COOL TEDDY BEAR (a line from a Russ Meyer film written by Roger Ebert) will come a 2nd CD of a new Meatloaf concert - so, there is now some justification to buy the "deluxe" version of this...I guess. I'll let you know how that concert CD is once I get it.

ONE MORE THOUGHT: I really do love Meatloaf. It'd be great if he can pull one more CD off with Jim Steinman, but if not, what's good here is that its very clear that Meat can pull off complicated vocals in a studio setting. Now with the right mix of writers and producers (not catch of the day people - I love Jack Black, but his mere presence here doesn't represent anything good) - but, and call me crazy, I think the NEXT Meatloaf CD is going to rock in a good way. And for whatever its worth, some people might love this disc as its a lot more grounded than the previous work, so - please support Meat and buy this CD so he's encouraged to record more. That's it on Meatloaf for a while.

Hachi: A Dog's Tale (DVD)
Direct to DVD (and PPV) this is a very famous story about an Akido dog found at a train station by Richard Gere. Directed by Lasse Halstron, this is not your average straight-to-video. With the exception of a slightly annoying framing device, which kind of works but just feels unnecessary, this might be a classic on the order of Old Yeller. Even thinking about the story, which frankly, I don't want to get into because anything said here will be a spoiler, just know that this is not your average dog movie, it's unusually concerned with the relationship with Gere and the dog, it is true, and there are scenes in the last 40 minutes that you will remember forever.

This is not perfect, as there are some basic questions here that go unanswered. (Like - the dog always goes to the train station and nobody ever seems concerned that something will happen to him....) - but it doesn't matter, because the vast majority of this not only works, it works so well you may never forget certain images.

We should all be so lucky to one day have a dog like Hachi. I love him, and I loved this movie.

That said, there is much subtlety here, so don't expect something grand like the overblown movie version of Marley & Me (this is a much better film.) This is a real movie from a real director in which one of the two actors here happens to be a dog.

Grade: A (A must-see.)

UPDATE: It's been a few days and I can't stop thinking about some of the images and scenes in this movie. I'm giving it a rare upgrade:
Grade: A + (despite some flaws) because what works here works so well. For contrast, see MARLY & ME to see how NOT to do a dog movie. (I recently watched it again with my friend Gail and like it even more. It's a really small subtle movie so I don't want to overhype, but this is the real deal.)

I was watching Eddie Murphy on Letterman the other night and remembering how great he used to be and how cool he always seemed. It was a very funny interview and Murphy was as open as he could be, avoiding the obvious. It almost made me think he can put together another stand up special if he wasn't so hung up about his past.

Speaking of late night, well, Leno is back and unfunny as ever. Truly. Only now it’s with confidence!

Conan, as I'm sure you've heard, is going to TBS. But in order to do that, he had to push George Lopez of LOPEZ TONIGHT! back an hour. Lopez was only to happen to have a reconizable lead in.

In fact, truth be told, by reading this blog, you know what a TV freak I am, yet I honestly had NO IDEA Lopez even had a late night show.

Look, for my money, it's Kimmel and Letterman. With Letterman as the elder statesman who runs the job like a pro, and Jimmy taking the talk show into the next century. The two shows are different enough that it's great to have both of them around. I think Jimmy's monologue is the best in television and his bits are always top-notch and best of all, he really has a way with his guests. Unlike Conan or Jay, he's a real listener and a gifted ad-libber. He and Letterman have it going on.

I don't particularly like Craig Ferguson, but at least I get it. He's a funny man. He has some good instincts. He was very funny on Drew Carrey, but c'mon - I'd rather take a bullet in the head than watch the full hour. He can only try so hard.

Then there's Conan, who frankly, I never got, and I suspect his TBS show will get some attention and then die a very painfully slow death.

And then where does that leave George Lopez?

LOPEZ TONIGHT! (TBS)
As far as George Lopez goes, the only think I ever really knew about him is that he was on a truly middle-of-the-road sitcom, that Sandra Bullock would occasionally come on and literally do pratfall all over the set. (At the time, Sandra was determined, to ugly comic non-effect) that she was the next Lucille Ball and that her "whacky" falls were knee-slapping comedy incarnate. She was also quite proud of herself for finding Lopez in a sea of comedians and putting her name behind him. (They could remake the whole thing as The Other Blind Side.) But the truth is that show wasn’t bad, Lopez was a sympathetic character and the supporting cast was quite good, if not particularly memorable.

At some point after 4 or 5 unremarkable seasons and really not remembering even one episode even though I somehow had watched quite a few, Lopez disappears from the market, and then shows up occasionally as a super-funny guest on Jimmy Kimmel's show. (I'm not going to say the man is unfunny nor not talented. His shtick seems to work for the first few minutes and he’s a better guest than host.)

Ok, now to the late night show – Lopez Tonight!

Right off the bat, his audience appears to be the size of Staples Center. I'm not kidding. There are like, THOUSANDS of audience members. It's weird. They sometimes cut to the back row and it seems like a Dodger game. Then George Lopez appears to be un-miked - so it sounds like he's SCREAMING to be heard by everyone. Maybe that's his thing, but he's constantly SCREAMING his jokes. Oh, and those jokes. Those terrible, wretched fucking jokes, delivered by a panting, desperate screaming man who stumbles over 90 percent of the punchlines. What an opening. He and his jokes both seem exhausted.

Then he might have some insanely bad bit, he'll bring on his guests...he had Benjamin Bratt one night, you would've thought he was bringing on Brad Pitt the way he carried on. And he's so nervous around his guests the banter is as forced as a hostage negotiation. I feel bad for the guests who have to fake laugh their way through the whole thing. And Lopez says some very...strange stuff. He said to Bratt many times during that interview "Look at you, all tall and skinny - I'm so jealous!" He did this like 8 times. Was he fishing?

I will tell Lopez what The Godfather once said "Be a man! Be a man!"

Oh, and here is the breakdown of almost every single Lopez joke:
Here is how WHITE people do it.
Here is how LATINOS do it.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

He had on Jennifer Lopez the other night, you would've thought he was bringing on the Queen of England. Lopez himself seemed shocked he had on a big guest, and again, he was weird about how – he told this very complicated and bungled story of he and J.Lo and friends at some charity function and mentioned how they all got bad looking at the end of the night but J. Lo always looks great. Why is this man always fishing for compliments? You’re a comedian. Relax. It’s okay that you look like a fucking monster.

Anyway - what else can I say. This is either the worst show in the history of late night (and I'm including the Magic Hour and the Chevy Chase show) or the best, I guess depending on what you're on at the time you're watching it.

Stone cold sober, this show gets a:
Grade: F -

16 & Pregnant (MTV)
Great show. Huge bummer. The girls are great, in that they were so crazy to get pregnant at such a young age, but in most cases, from what I've watched, the pregnancy really forces them to get their shit together. It's the guys here that are unbelievably awful. The whole thing is a little too depressing for me. But in its way, it's an important show for the MTV audience. It's real, gritty and not soft soaped. Class from the people that brought us JERSEY SHORE? I guess so.
Grade: B

SNL: Ryan Phillipe
Dead on arrival. One of their very worst. Ryan was game - the cast was lame.
Grade: D -

SNL: Gabourey Sidibe
After a lively opening, this went from worse to worse. Sidibe was lively, but apparently thinks that loud and obnoxious equals funny. The sketches were ghastly.
Grade: D -

SNL: The 2000s: Ups and Downs.
Not quite as good as the previous decade wrap ups somehow, which all seemed more documentary like. This felt more like a greatest hits episode of the last year, but that said, there was some great stuff here. Particularly the Lonely Island talking about their evolution on the show through Andy Samberg and how the digital shorts going viral made such a huge impact in how SNL has been interpreted in the age of YouTube.
Grade: B

SoberHouse (Vh1)
You're still the one I love, still the one I care for...
Grade: A

The Animal Review.

2010-04-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

THE ANIMAL REVIEW (in bookstores and Amazon.com)
(click HERE to order book!)

The Animal Review reminds me of my own blog, if my own blog were actually witty and funny on a line by line basis. But instead of reviewing film and television, the genius writing team of Jake Lentz and Steve Nash have chosen to review animals as if they were objectively gradable.

They gave the Panda an F which landed them in a lot of mock hot water, as they pointed out the national obsession with Pandas disinterest in mating and their "refusal to act like real bears."

They give the King Cobra an A +, since, as the writers put it "like you're going to be the one to give King Cobra an A -. Yeah, good luck with that one."

Not only is this hilarious but educational in the best way, you don't realize you're being educated because you're laughing too hard. This is literally the best thing I've read in ages.

I will tell you from a jaded media sponge who sees and watches everything, this book made me laugh out loud and hope for a second book. I even went and bought copies through Amazon for all my friends. It's probably the most original take on the role of a critic I've ever seen, and I urge all my readers to go out and buy this immediately.
Grade: A +

LOST (ABC)
I know I've been really giving LOST a hard time, but I have to say the last few episodes have been pretty good. The one with Hurley was actually great, and this week has been good as well with things finally coming to a head. Although...if I had to nitpick:
SPOILERS AHEAD: IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE LAST 2 WEEKS OF LOST, DO NOT READ

1.) Last week the Locke Monster threw a torch into the well and we never heard it land. He then through Desmond into the well, leading us to believe Desmond was dead and setting up Locke Monster as a real piece of shit. This week, to accomidate story, not only was Desmond fine in that well, but the well appeared to be about 4 feet deep and easily able to climb out of.
2.) They said Clair had the same disease that Sayid now has - that she died and came back and turned evil (pointed out by her big bad floppy makeup-room nightmare hair that is clearly some kind of fright wig that LOST producers didn't realize looked like a bad Halloween joke.) Okay, so Clair has this disease that Sayid the emotionless killer now has. The problem, Clair, after getting yelled at by a few cast members, now seems perfectly fine. So again, the mythology seems to bend for story convenience at every turn.

That said, I was completely impressed by the fact that they managed to tie the scene from the mental hospital with Hurley and Libby in from season 2 with the curent storyline. I was convinced that it was a huge error back then that went very far in suggesting that the entire thing was in Hurley's mind - but they have explained that very long gestating sore point of storytelling, and even though I didn't care for a lot of the direction, the finale is starting to really pick up steam and I'm kind of somewhere in between on it now. I can't say I'm not looking forward to the finale, although I'm not sure my original predictions are correct. I have a bit more to say about LOST but I'm going to wait a few more episodes and see how this last leg develops.
Final Season Grade So Far: B + (and climbing)

STANLEY KUBRICK: BOXES (Sundance)
A great documentary in a sea of documentaries about the late, great director, this tale revolves around the Kubrick estate and is narrated mostly by his brother. It seems Kubrick had about a million ideas on everything from TV to movies to building new types of everyday equipment. He kept all the ideas, scripts, notes, prototypes - in these boxes. And this fascinating 90 minute doc goes through the boxes and it doing so, treads over the director's life.
Grade: B

KITCHEN NIGHTMARES (Fox)
I've already written enough about this show, but let me say a few more things about maybe one of the best reality shows ever. First of all, I fucking HATE Hell's Kitchen. That show outlived its usefulness after about 2 seasons. But in this, it has this great formula where Chef Ramsey, a natural reality TV star if there ever was one, go into the resturaunt in question and taste their best dishes. This segment usually ends with the Chef either throwing up or pulling the food apart to reveal the ingredients like a 5 year old. Then he screams at everybody till they come around and usually, by the 3rd act, the owners, who are ready to fist fight Ramsey initially are hugging him and thanking him for completely re-doing his restaurant. I was at Dupar's last night on Ventura, famous for their pies and I was thinking hmmm......I could pull a Chef Ramsey in this place. It's just the greatest. I don't normally give such a high grade to these shows, and I'm sure we're all being manipulated by editing, but....
Grade: A

24 (Fox)
The last hours have proved to really perk up this initially dreary installment. The killing of Hassan, the promotion of Chloe, Jacks ill-fated romance (with a woman who had sex just a few hours earlier with a bad guy!), the return of Logan, they are really going balls-out on this finale and I am loving it. I know some of the turns are a bit wonky, but 24 has never been the most accurately detailed show - just one of the funnest. And these final hours have given the writers the freedom to really do everything they want, and suddenly this show is great again. If only it all didn't pivot around the Peace Talks! Still....
Grade: A

(I know it seems like I'm loving everything these days, but hey, I don't try to watch shows I don't like!)

I have more coming up.

Stay tuned.

I have a full review of the DAMAGES season finale on its way.

And check out THE ANIMAL REVIEW!

I LOVE SARAH JANE

2010-04-13T07:53:00.001-07:00

I LOVE SARAH JANE (SUNDANCE)
This was a great 15 minute short about a British trio of families living in a post apocolyptic world with zombies. As amped up as that sounds, it's small, subtle and quite moving. I wish George A. Romero could still pull some drama out of the genre he created, but he'd be wise to team up with whoever was responsible for this film.
Grade: A

By the way, I have seen the 3rd film in George Romero's latter day trilogy "Survival Of the Dead."

Since I was shown an early cut, I wanted to see a final cut before I review it. But an early review is coming - maybe as early as next week.

For those of us who were into the DEAD films of Romero, Land Of The Dead, Diary of the Dead and now, Survival of the Dead - this is like the new Star Wars trilogy for Zombie freaks. Unfortuntely, we're been just as dissapointed. Frankly, I liked the 2004 remaked of DAWN OF THE DEAD better than the new Romero Zombie films.

UNDERCOVER BOSS (CBS)
I still like it, I just think it's completely predictable. The same experience happens every single week. They need to mix it up a bit more for next season.

Adam Lambert Unplugged (MTV)
I loved Lambert on Idol. Here he just reprises some of those tunes and a few new ones, but it's a bore. Adam sings well, but somewhere along his road to fame, something cool was lost somehow.
Grade: C -

SOUTH PARK has been outragously funny this season. They have not had one sub-par episode yet. Who knew in its 15th year the show would be on fire? The recent Facebook themed ep, "YOU HAVE ZERO FRIENDS" was the bomb.

DAMAGES is coming to a conclusion. Last night they had their penultimate episode. What a great season. Martin short is fantastic as I've said earlier, but I wasn't crazy about the twist that storyline took, and frankly, the storytelling in the final leg is pushing credibility, but I love it nonetheless and can't wait for the finale - in what will probably end up being the series finale, as DAMAGES can't seem to get enough veiwers to warrant another year. Too bad, since its easily one of the finest dramas on TV.

Speaking of which, Hugh Larie did a great job directing himself on HOUSE, M.D. last night. They actually had some fun with the traditional "bottle" episode.

Damages, Idol and Lost.

2010-04-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

DAMAGES (F/X)
What a fantastic season. I think there are 2 left, but last week I started unspooling these from the DVR. Glenn Close is more brilliant than ever as Patty Hewes. Rose Byrne...still not so much. But less seen and therefore, more effective thise season. She's not a terribly good actress, but the staff seems to have found a better way to posit her into the action this year. Although did we REALLY need her adoption story line in the 3rd leg of this? Also, Ted Danson is back as Arthur Frobisher. It's an incredibly self-reflexive storyline that really pushes the limit of how much your remember season 1 - which is not a great thing to do when you're only in season 3. That said, Danson is good in the role (even though the whole storyline is really dodgy) - it just kind of works. And I do wish they'd do away with the dream sequences. I really don't know why TV can't get over the fucking dream sequence. We don't care. Honestly. But getting back to the show, while all the actors, especially Tate Donavin, are excellent - and we have some all stars here, from Lily Tomlin's cold turn as mom, Cambell Scott as the son and even Uncle Jun himself, Dominick Chianese as a money launderer - special merit must be given to the best performance of the season: Martin Short as the family lawyer.

I've always loved Martin short from SCTV, to his one solid SNL year, to many of his great insane film roles. And yes, the last few years....not so much. But as this lawyer, Short not only does away with every single comic trick he's developed, he has created an entirely new persona, and maybe one of the most intriguing ones on modern television. He's that good. By underplaying the entire thing, he's brought it to life and given this sad sack the kind of empathy we need to care about him - even though he's kind of a horrible guy. It's Emmy worthy and nothing short of brilliant. Martin Short is stealing the show by not stealing the show.

As for DAMAGES itself, this could be the last season (most likely.) If it is, they are going out on a sky-high note, and bringing back Danson for the end would turn out to be a stroke of luck/genius.

Sesaon 2 really wobbled, season 3 is rock solid. Better than ever.
Grade: A

AMERICAN IDOL (ABC)
I don't really get it this year. I like the guy with the acoustic guitar who did STRAIGHT UP and FOREVER (Andrew Garcia I think?) and some of the girls are okay - but honestly, between Ellen's god-awful jokes and Randy's pathetic "you went too far, now I'm gonna crack-up" laugh when she tells them - to Carla trying to create intrigue by cozying up to Simon, blech. The only compelling thing left here is the end of the doomed love story thats playing out. Soon to be dashed lover Ryan Seacrest occasionally trying to draw fire from Simon since this is Simon's last season. Ryan clearly feels betrayed and it shows. How pathetic and yet wonderful for tv. Thank God there is some drama going on here.
Grade: C -

UPDATE: Ruben and Clay from season 2 are going on tour together! Does anybody really need to see that show?

Well, I actually do.

LOST (ABC)
One of the most compelling dramas on TV has now become the most ambitious, and the drama is suffering from the ambition.

While there is SO much to criticize these days on LOST, and I am talking some REALLY loopy mythology that only makes sense in a writer's room after 4 days of no sleep...there is much to admire.

The ambition and scope of it is admirable, and the acting is top-notch. Especially since most of the actors are having to play year 6 on the island, as well as newly formed characters as part of a flash-sideways (although to be honest...those flash-sideways are supposed to be from the FIRST plane ride - meaning that those flash-sideways are REALLY, flashbacks!)

Anyway, the hour about Ben Linus being a teacher was kind of great, the hour where the Richard Alpert character kills a doctor to get medicine for his wife...not so much. I kind of loved the fact that he sees a doctor who just happens to be evil, who has a potion to cure his wife even though he had never examined the wife, and that this doctor expected a million dollars for the potion from Richard - even though they clearly lived in a poor hovel. Lastly, after Richard gets the potion, he has no idea how to use it so apparantly she just needs to drink it. And the self-reflexive jokes don't help any. And there are plenty of them. Usually delivered by Hurley.

That said - I really like LOST and admire the direction its gone in, even as they've taken away the possibility of death from most of the characters, making the drama a bit toothless. (I have also grown very weary of SUN and her bad angry acting which seems to get worse every season. She's sometimes okay, but when her character is forced to be angry - oh, boy. And she hit her head on a coconut tree and forgot English? Yikes.)

For the moment though, I am goign to leave this to the last few episodes to find out if this ending really ties it all up in a satisfying way. Here's hoping.
Grade: ???

South Park, Kate Perry, The Office, 30 Rock, Grey Gardens & Celeb Apprentice

2010-04-05T11:47:00.001-07:00

Kate Perry: Unplugged (MTV)
The absolutely luminous Kate Perry kicks this off with a great re-working of I KISSED A GIRL and goes on to thoughtfuly talk about her new songs, some old song, her life and her artistic process. She's beautiful, she's great and she's funny. And while I'm not super familiar with all the cuts on her debut CD, I love the acoustic treatment she gives them here.
Grade: B

THE OFFICE (NBC)
I love Ed Helms. I think he's the best thing to happen to this show.

GREY GARDENS (HBO)
I know this won all kinds of awards and stuff, but I'm at a loss. Drew Barrymore could not have been more affected. The makeup was horrible. It didn't work. Sorry, really didn't work for me. I gave up after an hour.
Grade: D

30 ROCK (NBC)
Having a very good season. That said, I wish they'd stick more to real office situations and stay less with the more surreal aspects of the show, which sometimes threaten to take over the entire enterprise.
Grade: B +

THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (NBC)
Another great installment with just the right amount of lunacy, Brett Michaels is really coming off as quite the befuddled character out of his ROCK OF LOVE element, and who knew Cyndi Lauper was so crazy/awesome? Sharon Osbourne is surprisingly grounded and ex-Governer Rob Blagojevich is really a scream. I think this is going to be a great edition.
Grade: B +

V (NBC)
Still getting into it...grade forthcoming.

JUSTIFIED (F/X)
Wow, what a difference a few episodes make. While I found the pilot somewhat pedestrian, the following two episodes have been fantastic, and as far as a fun action/adventure hour with some adult dialog and always good acting - look no further.
Grade: B +

MODERN FAMILY (ABC)
While I like this show more and more, some eps are just not up to snuff. Like the one I watched last night with guest star Ed Norton.

SOUTH PARK (COM CEN)
"Scrotum McBoogerBalls"
Fantastic.
"KFC weed episode (forgot the name)"
Unbelievable. The sight of those men jumping along on their balls.....
This is not the best show ever made. It's just a great show having a (so far) unbelievable season.
Grade: A

ARCHER

2010-04-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

HOME DEPOT STORY (CNBC)
I started catching a few of these CNBC docs that take huge businesses and try to figure out what they did right. A lot of them have similar stories in the rags-to-riches sense, but I really liked this edition, I just don't have much to review.

REM: THIS IS NOT A DOCUMENTARY (IFC)
A set the guys did live in....I forget. This was a brush up for the Olympic Stadium CD they did and also they were running through their new CDs set lest. Frankly, I LOVE REM - and I didn't know one song on this thing. If you liked that CD they released at the time of this, you'll probably love this show.

ARCHER (F/X)
Really funny, but very tied to its spy-game genre. If you're not hip on spy films, I suspect you may not appreciate just how well done this is. I am a fan and a lot of this made me laugh out loud.

The Lovely Bones, Undercover Boss and Parnormal Activity.

2010-03-20T18:20:00.000-07:00

I am in a real rush so these will not be fully fleshed out. But, for the record - can you fucking BELIEVE this Sandra Bullock/Jesse James shit? Unusual to the say the least. Anyway, on to my cutting edge reviews:

THE LOVELY BONES (DVD Screener)
Better than you might think, this kind of bombed at the box office. Peter Jackson has a great book to rely on here for source material, and the actress playing the young murdered girl (no spoilers - it happens really fast) is both beautiful and evokes the entire idea of wasted youth and people cut down just as they're starting to grow. So does this film make a great rental? Maybe not, but a pretty good one; especially if you have the time. With lots of unexpected twists and great performances, particularly from Stanley Tucci, this is a meaty film with a lot of ambition. Where Jackson really goes wrong is in his handling of the dreamscape sequences from the book. At its heart, the story is a pulpy gritty tale of a girl raped and murdered and somehow, she's around in some sort of purgatory to try and help her family figure out who murdered her (sort of.) What Jackson does is get lost in this visual dreamscapes to the point of where - it almost looks insanely fun to get killed because you get to hang out in a wonderland of snow and magic, while your family grows closer and blossoms. That said, this is still very effective in parts and while not any kind of classic, a story well told, that could've used a 20 minute chop.
Grade: C +

UNDERCOVER BOSS (CBS)
One of my favorite new reality shows, this is the biggest his CBS has had in forever. No wonder. It's that good. The bosses of huge, reconizable companies go undercover to see what's up and meet the people who really work for them on the front lines. Is it partly manipulated and scripted? Completely. Every worked the boss comes into contact with usually has an AMAZING story, they all know they're on film so there is no real UNDERCOVER aspect to this as everyone is probably on their best behavior (Do I really believe that if you went undercover in a Los Angeles 7-11 that the worst thing that would happen is a light bulb would be out? Not bloodly likely - since I knew of a 7-11 that was in close proximity to the one on the TV show - that store's biggest issue is that you could walk in and literally purchase crack-cocaine from the clerk.)

Still, it's an informative, uplifting hour and as long as they stick to big companies (they're starting to get into companies I've never even heard of) this a realy interesting bit of reality tv - which is to say- they pull back the curtain a tad - but not enough to really show anything.
Grade: B

ARCHER (F/X)
I've only seen the pilot thus far but I must say - it was really funny and offbeat. Looks like another winner for F/X.
Grade: B +

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (DVD Screener)
NO SPOILERS! Suffice it to say this is a study in tension. It's 90 minutes long and if you watch it straight through, I promise a satisfying pay off. And yes, I liked it better than Blair Witch. The non-actors (or rather - actors we've just not ever heard of) are almost pitch-perfect and their banter does sort of lull you into thinking they're not really onto anything. The payoffs here are small, but it works in a big way.
Grade: A -

24 (FOX)
Kind of a dreary season, but with news that it's the final season, suddenly every episode feels very vital.
UPDATE: Hold on the 24 movie franchise, NBC might pick this up for a 9th season.
PS: Freddie Prinze - on this show - fucking sucks.

SOBER HOUSE (VH1)
Nothing compares, nothing compares....to you.
Grade: A

SOUTH PARK (COM CEN) Season Premiere
South Park opens with maybe one of the best eps in its 14 seasons. The subject was rich celebs cheating on their spouses. Laugh out loud funny and of course, very thoughtful on its subject. When this show is on its game - there is nothing better.
Grade: A
Bonus Episode:
Woodland Critters Special
I saw this old ep for the first time the other night - no spoilers and I'm too pressed for time - but it's about Stan coming across a bunch of seemingly harmless woods critters and trying to help them. From there the show gets insane.
Grade: A

JUSTIFIED (F/X)
Wasn't nuts about the pilot, Walton Goggons should be ashamed of himself at this point. How many times is he going to play a dumb hillbilly? And the story didn't really work that well. That said, I love the lead, Tim Olyphant and the supporting cast is pretty excellent. I think this should get much better. And since I have high hopes for this show, I'm going to reserve my grade.

BAD GIRLS REUNION (Part 1) (OXY)
Da bomb. Can't wait for part 2. Nathalie is a HO!
UPDATE: Part 2 was just as insane, and Flo might be the sickest
girl in the house...no, has to be Nathalie.
Perez Hilton does a great job holding the reunion
together.
Grade: A (for lovers of trash TV only)

DR. OZ (Syndicated)
I love this show. They just rush too fast through the subjects. Slow down, Oz. Give an important topic more than 2 minutes. We won't tune out. Every episode seems like he's racing to get to the next segment.

CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (NBC/CNBC)
I just started watching this but so far, I fucking love it. Great cast and I love Cyndi Lauper.

Kimmel was great on Letterman the other night.

Sorry for the short reviews, but my time was limited this week.

GET HIM TO THE GREEK first full review.

2010-03-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

GET HIM TO THE GREEK (Preview Screening)
I was a huge fan of FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL. It was probably my favorite comedy in the last few years. (Or one of them anyway.) Because this is a work-in-progress, I will keep this short and sweet. While I was very encouraged early on to learn that while this film had SARAH MASHALL's director writing and directing this time around, I was completely heartbroken to learn that while Jonah Hill has a starring role in this, he's not the same character he was in SARAH MARSHALL. Watching the movie, you kind of get over that really quick. (Although he easily could've been that guy.) In fact, there are quite a few faces from the earlier movie and its fine if a tad distracting. But Jonah Hill is great here, it might be his best work to date. Russel Brand plays Aldo Snow this time around with a lot more complexity and dimension, and the dark and weirder sequences this film gets into kept constantly suprising me. This is not a mild comedy, this is a great hilarious comedy that I suspect will be a huge hit and I'm happy to report might even make a screen star out of a way funnier than expected P. Diddy. I know they're still editing and what I watched will most likely end up being some sort of "director's cut" on the dvd, I saw enough to know that this movie is a huge winner and if you liked the earlier movie, this one is a must see. If you haven't seen the earlier movie, this stands alone as one of the wilder comedies I've seen in years.
While it's unfair to grade this based on the workprint I was shown, I'm going to go out on a limb and reward this early cut with:
Grade: A

THE KING OF COMEDY (DVD)
Just recently rewatched this 1983 absolute gem from Martin Scorsese. Somehow, in the middle of world reknowned classics like Taxi Driver and Raging Bull, Scorsese and DeNiro, as Rupert Pupkin, shot this in NYC 27 years ago right before a WGA strike threatened to close all production. This is as good as the aforementioned films and perhaps even darker in its implications. I'm not going to bother with much of a synopsis of this film - if you haven't seen it yet, just see it. Rupert Pupkin (played to absolute perfection by DeNiro) is an awful comic who has never even taken the stage, yet dreams of having a close entertainment friendship with Jerry Langford (Jerry Lewis - playing a dark variation on Johnny Carson.) Jerry Lewis gives arguably the performance of his life (the actor gave the film a lot of tips on celeb life and this is truly an underlooked performance) and DeNiro could not be better as a showbiz nut who is so far gone he can't seperate fantasy from reality anymore. The only possible component here that doesn't quite play as well as it did is perhaps Sandra Bernhard, who is certainly fine, but a bit over the top and frankly, a bit too much like herself here in her solo scenes with Jerry. That aside, this may be the very best film about show biz I've ever seen, and one of Scorsese's absolute greatest. And for all the praise I just heeped, keep in mind this is an extremely small film whose pleasure come not in huge set pieces but in a low key knowledge of certain types of show biz animals. It holds up better than ever and if for some reason you've skipped it, correct that.
Grade: A +

SNL has been okay the last few weeks, but Zach Galfanakas has been their best guest host in 2 years. His opening bit on the piano 2 weeeks ago was pitch perfect.

THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXY)
Wow. Things really heated up in the last batch of episodes. This might be the most insane bunch of ladies since the first season. I never want it to end! If you like these types of reality shows, this one is the bomb!
Grade: B +

The End of Nip/Tuck - John Casavetes

2010-03-12T12:46:00.000-08:00

Sorry, have to make these very quick.

Nip/Tuck (Season finale) F/X
Even though Nip/Tuck had slid right off the rails the last few seasons, the final season had plenty of closure and the kind of adult themes and situations that made us love it in the first place. I thought the last hour was particularly good, penned by series creator Ryan Murphy. It paid small tributes to greatness past, like bringing back the Famke Jansson character (although nobody mentioned in both episodes that Matt was interested in running off with Famke who was...a post-op man.) Although I'm not sure he actually knew that (although I think he did,) it does seem like something somebody would've mentioned as the final storyline with Matt running off with a transexual.

I thought it was very smart to set that final cast dinner over Art Garfunkle's ALL I KNOW which closed out season 2, which was the best season finale they ever did and was never lived up to again. I was almost looking/hoping for a return of the Carver, but sort of glad they didn't go there.

All in all, I liked the final season, enjoyed the final episode and appreciated the irony in Matt's storyline and the inevitable conclusion to the Christion/Troy relationship.

At this point this show won't quite be missed (way too many off the wall storylines to preserve its legacy as one of the greats - which it had the potential to become) but this was certainly memorable and for the first 2 seasons, it really was the bomb. The finale sort of acknowledged many of those attributes and I tip my hat to this show and the amount of balls shown per episode (not literally.)
Grades:
1st season: A -
2nd sesason A
3rd season B +
4 - through 6 - C +/C -
Final Season B
Season Finale B +

THE MARRIAGE REF's debut was unwatchable. The second episode - detestable. I don't quite get it. Seinfeld, get it together, dude. There is nothing believable nor compelling about your stupid new reality show. A + talent compiled for a F - execution.
Blah.
Grade: F
UPDATE: I watched another one. This had a panel of Larry David, Ricky Gervais and Madonna. And the whole thing was unwatchable because of the ridiculous squabbles they portray and the absolute intolerable personality of the host. A bona fida diaster. The A list panel always go away looking like idiots for both taking part ina nd trying to mix it up in such an awful setting having to make jokes about things nobody on the planet would relate to. Not even good payoffs or reactions to the final decision the "judge" makes by the couple. A fucking 4 alarm disaster.
Revised Grade: F -

Killing of A Chinese Bookie (Director's cut)
Improves on the original 2 1/2 hour cut in some ways. This version had a completely reworked and had tons of new scenes and a much shorter running time. I loved this version as I did the original, but the original felt more docu like with all that extra scenery and I liked the setup with Cosmo much more in the older cut than the newer one. Even still, both versions are great Scorsesee like street operals of desperation and grit.
KILING OF A CHINESE BOOKIE (Orig. Cut) A
KILLING OF A CHINES BOOKIE (Dir. Cut) A -

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno is back. He sent out Ross the intern the other night to do something with celebs. This whole enterprise really sucks.
Jay sucks.

I also think Conan's twitter account is funnier than all the seasons of his tv show combined.

Woman Under the Influence (IFC)
Another great John Casavetes film this time starting Peter Falk and Gena Rowlands as a mentally unstable couple trying (without much success) to keep it together. While the opening would have you think she's the crazy one, by the time we're mid-way though, I thought both of them needed to be institutionalized. By the way, top notch acting and directing. She's so good (Oscar nominated) that you will as if you are watching a documentary, not a film. She really is that good. Falk is pretty excellent as well, but Gena Rowlands is a revelation in this film.
Grade: A +

Am I crazy or from a distance, do Ellen Degeneres and Chef Gordon Ramsey look roughly the same?

The New Dominoes Pizza
Good, dependable...frankly, a lot like their old pizza. I couldn't tell the diference for whatever its worth.

The end of Nip/Tuck and Rocky III. Oh, and Oscar talk.

2010-03-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

They just ran the Oscars, so what better time to discuss the late 80s classic ROCKY III?

Actually, I will get to that, but I do want to spend a minute talking about the Oscars.

I'll make this brief, but I thought overall it was a damn fine show with an incredibly slow middle. I guess I was okay with the idea that they'd cut the nominated film song segments, but only to be replaced with REALLY bad musical segments? Like the retarded opening Neil Patrick Harris had us endure? (I love NPH, but c'mon!)

Alec Baldwin was fun. He didn't seem to have much in the way of actual material, but he's so likable it was just nice to have him up there. Steve Martin...making "THE JERK" references...oh, boy. The two of them together...I don't know. ABC should have Jimmy Kimmel host the Oscars. I've been saying that for years and I promise he'd be better than the last five years of hosts put together, but I digress.

I don't have that much to say about the show really, except that my favorite film of the year, WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE was a complete shut out from nominations and my other favorite film of the year INGLORIOUS BASTERDS did well with the supporting actor category but I thought QT's screenplay would take it home.

The ten nominated films thing didn't seem to really matter ultimately as the whole night was really posited between two films: Avatar and The Hurt Locker. I loved Avatar for what it was - an incedible movie going experience that was like taking an LSD trip but without the flashbacks. Hurt Locker was a real movie and incredibly well made, but frankly it left me cold so, I had no real dog in this race (as Mel Gibson likes to say.)

The IN MEMORIAM section is usually the most moving, and for the 2nd year in a row, Oscar really fucked it up. Last year they didn't bother to train a camera on the images so it looked like it was coming through on a shakey cell phone. This year there was more of James Taylor than the people. Don't get me wrong, I love James Taylor. But I see a lot of him. When it comes to Oscar night, I want moving music and dead people.

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE swung back with their perennial AFTER THE OSCARS special and it had an ingenius openening "The Handsome Men's Club" and a great guest in Robert Downey Jr. and a particularly inspired segment with Christoph Waltz that paid tribute to the weirdest thing I've ever seen on Youtube. (the segment truly had balls and had the advantage of being a very knowing inside joke.) Go to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyGJXLxtVEo
for the handsome man club segment and go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUbGcRJUDu0
for the Der Humpink piece (my favorite moment of the night.)

I'll say it again. ABC, have Kimmel host the Oscars.

ROCKY III
I watched this recently and had sort of a new take on it, since it has really been years since I'd really watched it. III is an iconic entry in the series as most people remember EYE OF THE TIGER and the Mr. T. stuff; but there was more to this than that. III was really a departure from Rocky and Rocky II in that it presented an entirely different Rocky. He was still a bit dopey and a very nice guy, but this time around, Rocky was chiseled and lean, better looking (a point they even make in the film about the character's use of plastic surgery) and Rocky seemed so on top of things philosophically he was miles away from the palooka we fell in love with in the original. Micky tells him early on "you got civilized, kid." I guess that's true. The relationship between Rocky and Mickey in this installment had truly crossed trainer/athlete into father and son territory. Lots of 80s style shots of Rocky on a bridge, thinking very intensely while the music swelled. Then there's the major re-tooling of the whole thing, with the introduction of Apollo Creed as Rocky's new trainer and best friend (frankly, they're almost lovers here.)

As I write this, I realize I can probably talk for hours on this film as it was such a game changer in the Rocky franchise. This one also had the unspoken idea that it was going to be the final chapter. That worked to its success thinking that this was the final part of the story. But for all the innovation in the movie, there are many steps backwards. Paulie has gone from a realistic Fishtown bum into a comic, fangless pain in the ass who, by the way, is unbelievably racist throughout the film. His entire comeuppance for his rampant racism after he tells Rocky point blank "I don't like these people." Rocky looks at him and says "Maybe they don't like you." Paulie then says "What did I do?"

Hilarious!

Even worse, after a disastrous training session with Apollo, Adrian comes to give Rocky the "let's go get 'em" speech that is present in every Rocky film to send Rocky's training into overdrive. This one is paricularly painful to watch. Having Adrian yell "what's the truth, damnit!" and Rocky yelling back "You want me to break this down for you. I'm afraid, dammit! I'm afraid!" After she tells him its okay to be afraid, Stallone's precision dialoge actually let's Rocky say "I REALLY love you."

Still, most of this film works exceedingly well, and while its not up to the grit and vigor of the first two masterpieces, it's certainly a finely tuned machine that not only goes through the formula, but invents some of it on the way. The fights are great but...am I the only one who realizes in the film that Clubber Lang kind of kills Mickey? (and whoever thought the Mick was Jewish! Oy vey!)

The movie doesn't make much of Rocky's transition from living in a tiny house to owning an insanely expansive mansion, it just kind of accepts it. I know there was something else about this film that I wanted to point out and I'm not remembering it...

Maybe I'll figure it out tomorrow, when I review the director's cut of KILLING OF A CHINESE BOOKIE and the NIP/TUCK finale. I just spent way too much time on Rocky III and I need to get out and go train to some hard thumping Survivor!

Eye of the tiger!

GRADES:
OSCARS: B -
ROCKY III: A -
KIMMEL LIVE AFTER THE OSCARS: A +

Ellen on IDOL

2010-03-04T10:32:00.001-08:00

I have to make this quick today, but Ellen is so bad on Idol.

She feels she has to make a joke everytime they throw to her. Her jokes about the sexual tension between her and Simon are truly awful. In fact, she has yet to say one single funny thing since she got there, and her critiques of the singers could simply not be worse or less consistent. Paula might have been bat-shit crazy, but how much do you miss that moment of unscripted insanity and the great chemistry between her and Simon?

With Simon set to leave Idol and Paula sitting by him on X FACTOR next Fall, it appears to me that IDOL will fall and X FACTOR will become the show.

Ellen Degeneres is not funny, not a good talk show host, and the worst judge to ever sit in that chair.

It's over, dawg.

The Bad Girls Club

2010-03-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

BAD GIRLS CLUB (Oxygen)
The first year was really good. Second year was good as well. By the third year I'd started to tire of the format.

This year: Gold!

Maybe the weirdest, strangest most retarded batch of bad girls ever! Natalie who "runs LA" is one of the ugliest (inside and out) and boldest creations the show has ever produced. When she bragged in the first episodes about hanging out with Chris Brown, one of the other girls said "why would I want to hang out with the guy that beat the hell out of Rhianna?" Natalie informed her that Rhianna had that beating coming to her. I knew we had hit gold.

Then there's Amber, who appears insane in many ways, and on top of everything, is an outragous bi-sexual and homophobe.

We have Flo, who appears to have a switch in her head that actually makes her go homicidal. Now that her ankle has healed up, I'm afraid for everyone's lives, including my own.

That new weird girl "miss piggy" who gets naked, eats a lot and makes bird noises when trying to calm down, was never better when she was asked to stay out of some confrontation and she replied "I'm not that bitch." Later in the series, while we thought she was pretty tame, she let them know that if she is to be made fun of "she'll choke a bitch to death."

It's endless. From the girl with the weird lips (who I think is pretty) who finally stands up for herself and then stumbles repeatedly over "trailer trash" to Kate, who I genuinly liked until she hooked up with Natalie and now she's busy ragging on everyone and spitting on people and exploring carnal desires with other ladies..this might be the best season ever.
Grade: A

On the same note, those promos for the Bad Girls dating show look positively dreadful. There is only one Bad Girl that I recognize and they only run her promos. Seems like it's going to suck.

Speaking of sucking, how bad is Ellen Degenerous with her awful jokes on IDOL? Insanely bad.

MOON and MODERN FAMILY

2010-02-23T13:06:00.000-08:00

MOON (DVD)
I finished Moon. It's kind of a variation on 2001 except it all takes place in the cockpit of a spaceship. After a slow start, the central story emerges, but frankly, its so specific that I don't really want to go into detail. Any talk of the plot is a spoiler. That said, Sam Rockwell is great and Keven Spacey is perfect as the voice of the ship's computer. I have some quibbles, but this is really good.
Grade: B

I am really starting to like MODERN FAMILY. I don't love it, nor does it induce belly laughs. But there is a very good feeling I get from it. I love the actors and the writing is very good and I like it more and more with each episode.

I LOVE Windows 7. My computer crashed and it's a real disaster that I'll bitch about more in a future entry, but I was forced to buy a new desktop. I got an ASUS which is superfast and I love the new Windows application (even if it does not support my all time favorite music jukebox, MusicMatch. There is a downloadable Yahoo version that you can find online, but its just not the same...To be continued.

The New WE ARE THE WORLD and those new Leno promos

2010-02-20T19:26:00.000-08:00

WE ARE THE WORLD (25 years later)
In support of Haiti, the new generation of singers spent a few days laying down tracks for this 25 year follow up to the original Michael Jackson classic. What's different? Well, they have some great new singers who belt out this old song like Jennifer Hudson who couldn't sound better, Josh Groban, also excellent...

And that's where the praise stops. Pretty much everything else about this is just horrible. From the awful new lyrics, to the shots of Haiti that are shown over some singer's entire segments so we don't even know who's singing, to the ghastly inclusion of MJ, to the horrifying rap segment, to the overuse of Autotune (a good idea for one line, not 20), to the insipid inclusion of Randy "Dog" Jackson...where does it all end? On top of everything, whenever I go to Youtube to take a look at it, I'm mistreated to a 4 minute discourse by the most overrated self satisfied performer in history - Jaimee Fox, discussing Haiti and looking very serious before we get to hear him belt out his auto-tuned ego. In fact, they should've just called this whole thing EGO. But it's fucking rubbish. Really. Haiti reportedly saw this and said "yeah, no thanks."
Grade: F -

MOON (DVD Screener)
Okay, only half way though - but so far, so great. Will give a fuller review when I finish.

FUNNY GAMES (German version)
I rewatched this over the weekend and thought this was truly a horrifying masterpiece and the woman who plays the wife might be the best actress of all time - yet I don't know her name.

If you're thinking about seeing this, don't even consider watching the American version.
Grade: A

TAXI DRIVER (DVD)
With Shutter Island news all over the dial, I ended up watching this classic with the girlfriend over the weekend. This is really where it all started (I loved Mean Streets) but Taxi Driver is an outright masterpiece. It plays so well its like a great song. The shots, the acting, the dialoge, the action sequences - this is truly the most nimble work DeNiro's ever done and the direction by Marty here is just like..something that would never happen again. Until RAGING BULL. And then KING OF COMEDY. And GOODFELLAS. Even CASINO had it. I know a lot of you liked THE DEPARTED. Not me. I don't think Marty's made a good film since Casino. Starting with CAPE FEAR, it almost seems like the man has forgot his craft. Although I might go see Shutter Island this weekend just to make sure.

But if you want to know where the genius came in, it was with TAXI DRIVER. That scene of DeNiro watching American Bandstand, pointing his gun at the young black couple on TV while Jackson Browne's LATE FOR THE SKY plays...that is where every great movie/music sequence was born.
Grade: A +

Drag Me To Hell (DVD)
Sam Raimi, more in EVIL DEAD mode here than SPIDERMAN, crafts a clever modern horror yarn that works just fine for the 2 hours it plays. But since I watched it last week and cannot remember anything about it nor who was even it it....I'd say that isn't a great sign. But I remember sort of liking it while it was on.
Grade: C +

AMERICAN IDOL is getting exciting again. Next week the top 24 start, and I like the contestants this year. I don't even mind Ellen nearly as much as I thought I would...though she is truly unfunny. Sorry, but it's true. Her "humor" is....I don't know what the fuck it is. It ain't funny.

It apperas that the all the hoopla surrounding Howard Stern stepping in for Simon Cowell on American Idol may not be so accurate. I liked the idea, and thought Stern would've been great, and Howard clearly had a great time having fun with it on the air, calling Ellen a "fake shitheat" and Ryan Seacrest a "total tool" and said he'd bring back Dunkleman! He also said he'd smack Randy Jackson in the mouth if he heard "dog" ever again leave his lips. And this is the least of what he said. What he went on to say about Fantasia would have to be heard to be believed, but I wouldn't repeat it here.

In any case, I do think Idol is exploring the possibility of Stern, though Cowell, in a statement, said Howard would be out of his depth since he has no musical background. But then Cowell went on to say that he thought it could work with Perez Hilton, so...maybe Simon could give a shit less what happens to Idol and a lot more concern of his is reserved for next year's THE X FACTOR which he and Paula Abdul will judge and Mr. Cowell will own. In fact, Simon saying Stern bad...Perez (also with no musical experience) good....sounds like Simon might want his old show to die once X Factor comes on. In fact, I think I like that theory.

I saw the new Leno promos. Everyone is saying that NBC and Leno are dissing Cocan with the "Get back" theme...but, as much as I think Leno is the Antichrist, the actual lyrics are "Get back to where you ONCE belonged" I do not think discredits Conan so much as the whole idea that his show was taken away. But again, the man lost money for the network and that was not going to cut it. And he had a great lead in...wasn't it...Leno? Hmmmm...Conan didn't really have a chance with that setup. I mean, Conan wasn't funny, but then again, neither is Leno. So clearly success in that hour has nothing to do with actual comedy.

Speaking of Coco, did you see those weird pictures of him kissing a dolphin? First of all, dolphins held captive now kind of turns my stomach ever since watching The Cove, secondly, why does he look 80 years old with an afro? What a strange looking picture. It makes me think Conan was under a lot more hair and makeup than we ever thought.

By the way, I don't know if I believe he'll ever get a proper late night show again. Fox is talking about how they don't want to lose money on the show like NBC did, and how the affiliates don't really want it, and how they might put him on F/X four nights a week with a weekend version of the show.

Um...why didn't he take the 12:05 show again?

Lastly, I've recently been watching episodes of the late Judd Apatow show UNDECLARED. This was basically a half hour version of FREAKS AND GEEKS which got cancelled the year before. Judd thought he'd score with a similar setup in a half hour harder comedy version. First of all, FREAKS was one of the best 17 hours of produced television EVER. That was an A + show and if you haven't seen it, rent or buy. Immediately. It's that good.

UNDECLARED is a different beast. It start Jay Baruchnal and Charlie Hunan (who now stars as Jax on one of my favorite shows SONS OF ANARCHY) however here Hunan sports his real English accent and shows a real flair for comedy. Seth Rogan also graduated from GEEKS to this show as both an actor and a writer and lots of familiar Apatow faces flood this thing (which only lasted 18 eps - 1 more than FREAKS but since it was a half hour, it still doesn't beat GEEK's running time.)

Anyway, I'm in the middle of the run and while the first few shows were just okay with signs of good things to come, I just watched an episode that was so hilarious about Jay taking a job in the cafeteria that was as funny a half hour as anything I've seen in forever, so I look forward to unspooling the rest of these.

How bad does the new REAL WORLD: WASHINGTON suck? I ditched it after only 3 episodes and those were nearly impossible to take. Bad, boring casting.

I sort of like the new CELEB FIT CLUB even though I barely recognize anyone on it, and CELEB REHAB is winding down with a spate of eventless episodes. (I really liked SOBER HOUSE - what happened to that show.)

Couch out.

The Strangers, Meatloaf 1979, Art Of Being Straight, Lesbian Vampire Killers

2010-02-15T00:22:00.000-08:00

My apologies. My main computer is still down so I'm doing this still from my netbook. Please excuse what are bound to be many typos, misuses of words and general shoddiness. But my belief is that you'd rather have the reviews with errors rather than nothing at all. I should get my computer back this week.

THE STRANGERS (DVD)
I know this was based on a true story about some home invaders and a young couple. I don't know just how fact-based this is, so I'll just review this as a suspense yarn on its own terms. Liv Tyler and (I think) Scott Speedman (I might be dead wrong - it could be an actor I've never heard of) play a young couple who are staying in his dad's beautiful but remote cabin when the door is knocked upon by a young woman seemingly lost and asking if "Tamara" is home. Pretty creepy setup and the film spends a good bit of time making you invest in the two lead characters. The problem is that the director takes far too much time in the cat & mouse between the hunters and the hunted, and everything is pointed at by an eerie, completely over the top score that indicates everything that's about to happen. Other than that, this is a decent rental, Liv Tyler is pretty believable as is the other lead who I can't quite place, but this is no FUNNY GAMES, the German film that was remade a few years ago into a slightly less successful American made version directed by the same guy. Funny Games got it right. This one has its moments with the same material, but ultimately is both a drag and anti-climactic. The most interesting parts of this are thrown away in the last 8 minutes or so. But not bad if you're looking for a decent thrill.
Grade: C

MEATLOAF Original UK Tour 1979 (DVD)
http://www.amazon.com/Bat-Out-Hell-Original-Tour/dp/B002N7W3O4/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1266221091&sr=8-16
A real treat for Meatloaf fans, this is the real deal. A mostly full concert from the original BAT era. (Well, the set list here includes most of BAT I including Bat Out Of Hell, All Reved Up, 2 out of 3, Paradise by the Dashboard Light; but leaves out Heaven Can Wait and For Crying Out Loud.) Were they included in the original show? I doubt it, since he didn't often do CRYING back in the day and HEAVEN was also a no-show in a lot of those early concerts. That said, this is a heavenly document of a German show taped for Rockaplast that, all things considered, looks and sounds fantastic. The video is crisp and clean and the audio is surprisingly layerer for its time. To see Meat on the vocals and Jim Steinman on the piano - that is really a treat for Meat fans. Mostly the only shows available are STORYTELLERS, MELBOURNE and 3 BATS LIVE; all post 1990 shows. There is a VHS around called BAT PICTURE SHOW which has some live stuff and of course, you can scour the internet and find plenty of stuff, but for a high end DVD edition of the early stuff, this is probably about as good as its going to get.
Grade: A

THE ART OF BEING STRAIGHT (DVD)
This felt like amateur hour. Bad acting and directing doubled up with pretentious music and out of date concepts like "can I tell my friends that I might be gay?" And this film doesn't even bother to wrestle with anything real - it's all superficial and badly done and really...the film is too fucking hokey to really review properly. Avoid at all costs.
Grade: F

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell (DVD)
I know there are a lot of Tucker Max fans out there. I used to be one of them though I quickly grew weary of the guy. For the uninitiated, Tucker Max is a 20something who grew to fame in the mid 90s based on his seemingly never ending sex stories. The stories were always outragous and always went for it in terms of every bodily function you can imagine. You can still read the stories online as I know Tucker still has a website up full of the old classic stories. But frankly, I hated this fucking film. The guys were truly an unlikable bunch of women haters and the filmaker seems to think that Tucker is some kind of genius because he talks a lot. They mistake being verbose with being smart. This movie is the opposite of anything remotely smart. Some of the dialog is okay but frankly, I'm a guy who loves these down and dirty sex comedies...and I hated this. Badly directed and poorly written, this has nothing going for it except for some very badly staged outragous sex scenarios. And frankly, the best ones didn't even make it into the movie. This film needed nimble direction, and all it got was a sledgehammer.
Grade: F

LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS (DVD)
Unwatchable after 10 minutes. I turned it off. That bad.

I thought the Octamom made a great contestant on JIMMY KIMMEL's recent DATING GAME segment that saw Ms. Suleman question 3 lucky men who were trying for a date with the recently svelte Octomom. Jimmy made a fantastic host and made me think there is a spin off potential here.

THE COVE (DVD)
Fantastic documentary about the practice of killing dolphins in Japan. Just how Japan goes about its quest to kill one of natures most intelligent beings is as gross as this movie is inspiring. It's a must see and after seeing this, I actually texted and became web-involved in trying to save the dolphins. Either way, this is a breathtaking documentary. And terribly upsetting.
Grade: A

Celeb Rehab & 24 plus: my pick for site of the year!

2010-02-12T14:13:00.000-08:00

I love this site:
http://www.facebook.com/MunchieTalentAgency?ref=ts#!/MunchieTalentAgency?ref=ts

In other news...
My computer is down. Writing this from Stir Crazy on Melrose (the best damn sandwiches on the block) in fact.
STIR CRAZY
6917 Melrose Avenue
Los Angeles, CA
Best coffee, best sandwiches & desserts and free wi-fi.

I'm in a bit of a crisis with my computer down. Seems I might new a new
mother board - whatever that means.

In the meantime, I'm using my Asus Eee Pc Netbook (if you go for a netbook, I highly reccomend this one - which I believe is the only 12" display on the market. I had one in December but it was the 10" and I found it impossible to type on. I'm a huge fan of this model You plug it in for 2 hours and get like, 7 hours of usage, it instantly looks for a wi-fi signal as soon as you turn it on and has a built in cam and mike.

I started watching DR. DREW'S CELEB REHAB (VH1) and Kari Ann from the sex edition episodes is on this one as well. And she's twice the bitch. I've never seen a character like her before, so please - let VH1 develop a whole hour around this hateful character. I would love it. Dennis Rodman appears to be out of his mind and so far in denial that when Dr. Drew informed him that he might end up with Alheimer's in a few years from the drinking, Rodman's response was "It'll sort itself out." McKenzie Phillips is quite the dramatic actress and of course very vocal, but you would have to have a heart of stone not to feel something for all these people. Amber Smith, who I think is literally addicted to everything and has been on every single edition of this show, arrived this week to talk about her many addictions. Not only do you have all that, you also get Heidi Fleiss, who looks like she has had some seriuosly unfortunate plastic surgery on her lips that is mind-bending you have to see it to believe it, and her former lover Tom Sizemore, who is truly bizarre and weird and comes complete with his own crazy girlfriend, Monroe, who snuck drugs into the rehab clinic on Tom's first night. She came back to visit him and brought oxycontin. How about a reality show on that crazy couple?
And of course, there is depth here and real viewpoints on addiction and much of this is quite sobering, and tey have truly lined up an all star cast - except for the girl from Americas Top Model that I can barely remember. But this might be the best edition yet.
Grade: A

24 (Fox)
With the exception of some subplots we could care less about, (the President's ground-breaking talks, a woman at CTU and her ex-lover) the central storyline with Jack and Renee Walker is fantastic, if completlely far fetched. Still, this show still does the trick and the last few eps have been pretty great. When Jack made that deal and spoke perfect german...it was kind of great.
Grade: B+

Don't forget to visit:
http://www.facebook.com/MunchieTalentAgency?ref=ts#!/MunchieTalentAgency?ref=ts

Hilarious A+ site.

Dig Couch out.

Howard TV rules.

2010-02-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd say that. I recently started watching a bunch of shows and they are, as always, top notch. And hilariously profane. The idea that he might take over IDOL is pretty fantastic, even if I think somehow it just can't happen. Especially after Howard's tirade yesterday about former Idol stars. I can't even repeat what he said about them here.

Jay Leno is on my TV right now from last night. He's crowing about that Superbowl commercial. He's so happy he connected with Dave. He's always come off as a dog that wants his belly rubbed, but last night he was just downright pathetic. It's the first time in a year he hasn't been seen as a villain, so I guess he'll feed off this for a decade. Don't worry, he's now doing a mind-numbing interview with an actress I don't recognize and cracking up at whatever she's saying.

The Late Shift, part 2.

2010-02-08T12:17:00.000-08:00

The Late Night Discussion.
There is so much to discuss, and yet I think it's all been discussed to death. The late night situation has been analyzed, gone over and talked about so much I'm not sure what's left to say.

Let's get beyond who's funnier: Jay or Conan. They both induce comas. Conan seems like a better guy to know. Jay appears to be a weasel. In fact, Jay befriended Howard Stern about 10 years ago and then stole Stuttering John Melendez from the Stern show. For what, you ask? So Stuttering John could hold up a coffee cup when Jay tried to banter with him. The truth is, John was fine as the announcer. He didn't stutter and he was rather generic. Big deal. John, who worked at the Stern show for peanuts, got a huge raise by working for Jay. But the reason he worked for peanuts is because John started there as an intern and eventually made himself a fixture. He wasn't making any less than anyone there in his possession by any means. This is not my guess but pretty much the facts as I know them.

Jay, who had befriended Howard, decided that he needed Stuttering John to be the Tonight Show announcer. Instead of talking to Howard about it, he negotiated for John behind his supposed friend's back, taking a vital cast member away from the Stern show so that he could live in obscurity on Jay's show.

Howard was happy for John and nobody involved begrudged John getting a high profile job nor making some decent money. What was amazing was that Leno did this all behind Howard's back. For what? They were friends and they should've talked about it. But that is Jay in a nutshell.

Anyway, this subject has been picked over so much I don't know what I can really add to it except to say what I think is true. The 10 PM thing didn't work at all for a number of reasons. A, I don't think that's the time for the Jay Leno show. Could a great, innovative network variety show exist and do well? I think so. But it ain't gonna be from Leno. Leno's success exists in some part due to the fact that he'd been with the Tonight show forever and at 11:30 at night, that's an audience he might know something about. Or he was the lucky guy at the right time. Stephen King recently did an article about Leno, saying that he's not edgy and does his middle of the road political jokes with a "take my wife, please" Vegas lowbrow vibe. I think that sums up Leno's shtick pretty well.

That said, I never thought Conan was going to work in that time slot. Frankly, I think Conan should've taken the 12:05 slot and been happy to continue working. I like Conan's show better, and while I don't think Conan ever developed much as an interviewer or even a funny man (he works way too hard to sell those mediocre jokes) he seems like the better human being somehow. But this is network TV and if you don't bring the ratings, that's that. Conan was never going to win any new fans. He basically did his 12:30 show at 11:30. He didn't need to worry about the edge, but for once, he needed to worry about being funny. At 11:30, he was neither. Not to say the show did not have its moments, and I do love Andy Richter, but Conan just seems too....I don't know. Everybody seems to forget the horrible late night Fox show with John Stewart hosting. Stewart found his niche on Comedy Central. I wish Coco the same.

Back to Leno, he's all set to go back to 11:35 and re-take the reigns of the Tonight Show. Okay. Whatever. The main thing is that 10 PM dramas will be back and writers and directors can go back to work and there can be a bit more development around town. Leno said on Oprah that he didn't realize he was taking jobs away from prime time "until I hit the air." Dude, shut the fuck up. Really I could do 25 pages on what a shithead I think Leno is, but watch that Oprah and Leno actually does it all by himself.

As expected, these late night wars have brought out the best in everyone. Conan finally had some teeth (and even some ratings.) Leno become momentarily interesting to watch as his "nice guy" image (one I never bought into) revealed him to be a vane, contemptuous man. And Jay, stop fucking talking about how you don't spend your Tonight Show money but you only spend the money you make on the road. We get it, you're richer than all of us. I know that might not have been your point, but that's the one we take. Shut the fuck up about all your money and your cars. I promise you nobody is interested.

Letterman has never been better than when he's sniping away at Jay, and Jimmy Kimmel has been masterful. First doing an hour AS Jay, (Jimmy was brilliant, Chevy Chase - that night's guest, seemed out to lunch), then the next night, on Leno's own show, Kimmel did the 10@10 segment and literally shredded Mr. Leno on his own show. Leno, who as Kimmel recently pointed out "used to be a comedian" did nothing but act like a hurt ex lover who walked away with crabs. Then he whined on Oprah that he was sucker-punched, but frankly, Jimmy was right there. All Jay had to do was fire back and that, my friends, is called comedy. Something Jay still doesn't get after 30 years. One Superbowl commercial (way more surprising than actually, you know: funny) does not a rehabilitated reputation make.

So, even though Jay and Dave get to have it out all over again in March when Jay resumes, frankly, I think Jay is over. I hope the public rejects him and the late night race boils down to the two funniest men in the race: Dave and Jimmy.

And yeah, I still have no idea what the fuck Craig Ferguson is talking about.

BIG FAN (DVD Screener)
An interesting variation on The King Of Comedy, Patton Oswalt does his best big screen work ever as a football fanatic who has an unfortunate encounter with a Giants player he worships. Halfway through this you think you know where its going, but the screenplay is snakier than that and its third act is wholly original and deserved.
Grade: B +

DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004 remake)
Watched this over the weekend again. Had been a few years and since I recently saw the original DAWN (one of my all time favorites) I thought it'd be interesting to see how this holds up. This is probably one of the very few times something like this has worked so well. Go with the unrated director's cut. More gore and character stuff, and a slightly better film than the R rated cut that plays on cable. This film has quite a bit of NIGHT, DAWN and even a little DAY in it, but it works like gangbusters and is actually a bit more scary than the orginal (which felt documentary like) and poses a lot more moral questions than the original did as well. (If you're into zombie politics.) The DVD comes loaded with great extras like missing scenes, and interesting commentary...everything but almost any acknowledement towards George Romero, which I found kind of curious.
Grade: A -
(still not so sure about that final credit roll, but no spoilers)

I liked the Doritos ad "Keep your hands off the Doritos, and mama" the best of all the Superbowl ads.

I'm glad KITCHEN NIGHTMARES is back. I kind of love that show. (Reportedly this is the last season.)

I finally started unspooling MODERN FAMILY (ABC) off my DVR...good show. Not belly laugh inducing but smart and rather warm.

I need to watch a few more LOSTs before I can really say what I think of the new season. But...in the season premiere, Locke turned into the Smoke Monster and bullets bounced off him. And he's not really Locke. Then he turned to Ben and said "I hate for you to see me this way."

Maybe some things are better left unsaid.

THE HURT LOCKER (DVD)
This is a crafty, extremely well made film. Most I know loved it, but I must say, after seeing it twice, I have no problem admitting that this is a really good film, but it's not as good as I had hoped. I found it a bit slow, and for all of the human element, a bit unmoving. But well done. Just not the masterpiece I'd been led to believe it to be.
Grade: B

TESTAMENT (1983 - DVD)
I watched this old chestnut recently. About a family who survives a nuclear war in a small town. This was slower than I had remembered, but still effective and expertly done. And no special effects except for maybe some make up and a bright light, yet it tells a chilling story of war that all the CGI in the world couldn't improve. The DVD has a nice 20 years later docu on it reuniting all the cast members.
Grade: B +

Finally, if you want a great look at the late night mess and where it actually started, look no further than the great HBO movie THE LATE SHIFT (on DVD.) Actors I've never heard of do an uncanny Jay and Dave, and Betty Thomas, who would go on to direct some of my favorite films (including PRIVATE PARTS) does a superb job here.

THE LATE SHIFT (DVD)
Grade: A +

Have a great week. Since I've been posting pretty regularly, I wil include all the posts since my last bigger blog so that the readers who only check from the mailing list don't miss one morsel of my juicy words.

Sorry there have been no new posts as of late. Unusually busy week.

But, thinking NIP/TUCK is sliding off a bit for its final season. This last episode with them having to bury a body again...not so much. Though I still think they're doing a better than expected final season.

Rewatched SALVADOR. What a great film. Maybe the best Oliver Stone movie ever?

Loving BORED TO DEATH. (I have one more to go.)

The GRAMMYS were weak.

DISTRICT 9 got a bunch of best pictures noms. Don't forget, you read it here first when I believe that recieved a big fat A PLUS from me. Great film.

More to tell.
Planning a really full post on Wed./Thu.
Stay tuned.
Sorry for the delay.

LOST (ABC)
I wanted to watch it. I watched the recap hour. Here's what I love about the show: almost everything. Except; if I'm to nitpick with the setup, here's what I still don't get:
1.) Why they ever returned to the Island. Besides Sun, who wants to see her husband alive, Jack seemed to return over a drinking problem. Hurely I still can't figure out. Kate returns because she thinks she may not be a good mother...folks, these are not reasons to return to an Island that is literally trying to kill you.
2.) They kind of LOST me with the whole idea of Jacob. It's a bit too out-there for me...but I will definitely put my quibbles away, enjoy the final season and allow the show to answer these questions in time. I do love LOST very much and I'm glad this is the final season so that they can go out in style and dignity, unlike say....(take your pick.)

24 (Fox)
I just watched the 4 hour two night premiere. Here are my quick thoughts. I think Freddie Prinze Jr. reminds me of when they brought The Rick Schroeder into NYPD Blue. Only Freddie seems to be humble about it and can actually act. "The Rick" was as fucking horrible as his bad NY accent. The idea that every major character would relocate to NYC on their own independant of each other just in time to join in on an adventure that starts the day they're all their...is kind of fucking ridiculous. That said - don't ask me why but it sorta works. Turning last year's Renee Walker's meek Federal Agent into a lunatic who's now somehow inexplicably had years and years of undercover training and serious ties into the Russian mob....I don't know. The whole thing really had a predictable vibe. How many shows start off with the Prez and some foreign national leader having "Historic talks" that can bring world peace? I also liked when Jack heard Renee Walker was going to be in the building (Because everyone is coming to NY by accident to go on an adventure together!!!) he tells Chloe "Don't let her know I'm in the building." She was in that building no more than 5 seconds before Jack came out and said "Hello." What a hiding job!

But again, this is 24, and just when you count it out, hour 4 suddenly got real interesting. Even though it had sort of a week beginning, I'm liking where this is going (I think) and looks like I'm jumping back in again. And Jack's daughter still can't act. Not even a little. But Jack Baeur, this is one of those times where the actor has so inhabited the role, he can make a lot of this work. I'm hoping for good things for what might be 24's last season run. (Although, if I'm going to predict here at all....I think next season will be its last and designed as such, as this series has frankly earned a wham bang final season.)
Grade: B + (there is lots of good will here)

Okay, there is a lot more here but cutting and pasting is taking too much time...if you want to see what you missed, just keep clicking on OLDER POSTS.

Digital Couch out.

and follow the Digital Couch on Twitter!
http://twitter.com/TheDigitalCouch

I LOVE THIS SITE!

2010-02-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

Sorry there have been no new posts as of late. Unusually busy week.

But, thinking NIP/TUCK is sliding off a bit for its final season. This last episode with them having to bury a body again...not so much.

Rewatched SALVADOR. What a great film. Maybe the best Oliver Stone movie ever?

Loving BORED TO DEATH. (I have one more to go.)

The GRAMMYS were weak.

DISTRICT 9 got a bunch of best pictures noms. Don't forget, you read it here first when I believe that recieved a big fat A PLUS from me. Great film.

More to tell.
Planning a really full post on Wed./Thu.
Stay tuned.
Sorry for the delay.

Sorry, Haven't watched LOST yet.

2010-02-03T10:02:00.000-08:00

LOST (ABC)
I wanted to watch it. I watched the recap hour. Here's what I love about the show: almost everything. Except; if I'm to nitpick with the setup, here's what I still don't get:
1.) Why they ever returned to the Island. Besides Sun, who wants to see her husband alive, Jack seemed to return over a drinking problem. Hurely I still can't figure out. Kate returns because she thinks she may not be a good mother...folks, these are not reasons to return to an Island that is literally trying to kill you.
2.) They kind of LOST me with the whole idea of Jacob. It's a bit too out-there for me...but I will definitely put my quibbles away, enjoy the final season and allow the show to answer these questions in time. I do love LOST very much and I'm glad this is the final season so that they can go out in style and dignity, unlike say....(take your pick.)

24 (Fox)
I just watched the 4 hour two night premiere. Here are my quick thoughts. I think Freddie Prinze Jr. reminds me of when they brought The Rick Schroeder into NYPD Blue. Only Freddie seems to be humble about it and can actually act. "The Rick" was as fucking horrible as his bad NY accent. The idea that every major character would relocate to NYC on their own independant of each other just in time to join in on an adventure that starts the day they're all their...is kind of fucking ridiculous. That said - don't ask me why but it sorta works. Turning last year's Renee Walker's meek Federal Agent into a lunatic who's now somehow inexplicably had years and years of undercover training and serious ties into the Russian mob....I don't know. The whole thing really had a predictable vibe. How many shows start off with the Prez and some foreign national leader having "Historic talks" that can bring world peace? I also liked when Jack heard Renee Walker was going to be in the building (Because everyone is coming to NY by accident to go on an adventure together!!!) he tells Chloe "Don't let her know I'm in the building." She was in that building no more than 5 seconds before Jack came out and said "Hello." What a hiding job!

But again, this is 24, and just when you count it out, hour 4 suddenly got real interesting. Even though it had sort of a week beginning, I'm liking where this is going (I think) and looks like I'm jumping back in again. And Jack's daughter still can't act. Not even a little. But Jack Baeur, this is one of those times where the actor has so inhabited the role, he can make a lot of this work. I'm hoping for good things for what might be 24's last season run. (Although, if I'm going to predict here at all....I think next season will be its last and designed as such, as this series has frankly earned a wham bang final season.)
Grade: B + (there is lots of good will here)

McDonald's Iced Coffee Revealed!

2010-02-02T08:41:00.001-08:00

So, I went into Mickey D's to get myself my favorite new drink: the large sugar-free vanilla coffee.

I always thought it was too good to be true. Full of vanilla and coffee and cream....so instead of going to the drive-thru I went into the store. They have a pump with the syrup in it. I counted 7 pumps into my coffee. By the time they brought the coffee to me, it was a third full of this syrup.

Anyway, here are the official numbers, but I'd bet they're double.
Nutrition Facts
McDonald's Sugar-Free Vanilla Coffee
Serving Size: 1 large drink (32 ounces)

Amount per Serving
Calories 120 Calories from Fat 99
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 11g 17%
Saturated Fat 0g 0%
Sodium 0mg 0%
Total Carbohydrate 21g 7%
Dietary Fiber 0g 0%
Protein 0g 0%
Est. Percent of Calories from:
Fat 82.5% Carbs 70.0%
Protein 0.0%

And frankly, that's probably a lie. That's probably like - 2 pumps
and not the actual 7 they give it.

This thing is almost ALL FAT.
And by God, it is the best coffee drink
I've ever had.

But no more.

I wish I didn't know.

Yesterday I was happy.

The Grammys and SNL

2010-02-01T15:43:00.000-08:00

Saturday Night Live /w Jon Hamm
A tad funnier than usual, which is not saying that much, but Jon Hamm is definitely the real thing. And a rare thing. A guest host who can not only hold his own with the cast but who can shine as brighty as they. By the way, Seth Myers is terrible. He always has been, and I suspect he always will. But I've at least grown used to him. The pain that comes every time I see that fucking Bobby Moynihan doing some lame bit (this week he did a piss poor parody of Snookie from Jersey Shore. It was as generic and hackeneyed as he is unfunny - which is saying a LOT.) Why is SNL trying so fucking hard to make Moynihan appear funny? This has been goign on for 4 years. He fucking sucks. He's the very worst. Do they need a fat guy that bad? Look, I don't know the man. Perhaps he's a very nice guy. Maybe in person he's hilarious. But on the show, every time he walks on screen any semblence of comedy comes to a screeching halt. What the fuck is going on over there? Enough already.
Grade: C -(Jon Hamm gets an A for coming out unscathed.)

THE GRAMMYS (CBS)
Stephen Colbert, usually hilarious, was a really lame host. The whole thing was pretty lame, actually. I mean, does Taylor Swift really deserve album of the year? I turned the whole thing off after 1 hour. Truly a fucking joke. I really like Lady Gaga, I like Beyonce', but, I don't know. The whole telecast just seems like its getting more and more irrelevant.
Grade: D

THE ICEMAN and ICED COFFEE

2010-01-31T14:28:00.000-08:00

THE ICE MAN & ICED COFFEE

THE ICE MAN (HBO)
Is a one hour interview conducted with a 30 year hitman for hire who managed some of the most impressive numbers in hitman history. It is a fascinating account of one man's journey thought killing people as a means to make some money. I only watched the first hour and since there are two more specials on this dvd, I'll withold my review for when I've seen the whole thing - but wow. This guy has personally killed over 100 people and his accounts of the scenes are truly chill inducing. At the time, not only was he this spectacular killing machine, but he also has a wife and beautiful family. It's crazy and I can't wait to watch the next 2 interviews.

What exactly is it they are putting in McDonald's sugar-free vanilla coffee? It is the most delicious, caffeinnated drink I've ever had and seems to posess addictive qualities on par with crack cocaine. I feel good when I drink it. Too good. I can't stop.

I believe McDonald's is doing something with their iced coffe because it tastes unusually caffeinne heavy and unusually good. This will be part of next week's undercover special. I usually get it at the drive-thru, but this week, I'm going in and going under.

They might actually be putting some crack in that mother fucker.

American Idol and Bored To Death

2010-01-29T09:14:00.000-08:00

Jay Leno was pathetic on Oprah yesterday, but that is going to be the subject of an essay on late night I'll put out sometime next week. Now that things are winding down I feel like I can do a proper review of the messy, fascinating fiasco.

BORED TO DEATH (HBO)
I watched the first few episodes of this and gave it an A. I watched a few more. I fucking love it. It feels like a smart, funny and sometimes moving independant film. Only it's a half hour and pitch perfect. They veered into some weird territory with the Ted Danson bi-sexuality thing...I thought that was a rare mistep. (Ted's character implied he would have some gay sex, hired a male prostitute, then of course never had sex - just talked pop culture all night with the guy.) But I love this show and think its one of the best half hours HBO has ever produced.
Grade: A +

AMERICAN IDOL has been okay....I really wish they would not set you up for who's going to go through and who's not - maybe the worst case of over editing ever seen. That said, this season has been good and there have been some really memorable characters, most notably the "Pants on the ground" guy. Although Jimmy Fallon, usually unwatchable on his boring chat fest, turned that song into something Neil Young might've done in the 70s and rocked the house with the re-work of the song and his uncanny impression. I don't think Fallon belongs at the center of any late night show, but he earned a few points with this frightengly good Neil Young impression.
Go here to see it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2WfUzNYPwo

But back to IDOL. Some of the guest judges (most) have been snoozes, but there were three that deserve comment. Kate Perry, just because there is something so real and lovely about her, I wish it were here and not Ellen becoming a permanent judge. April Levigne - I know, I probably mangled her name but fuck her. I don't like her, don't really like her shitty music and REALLY didn't like her sour puss attitude on the show. Turning down people left and right that were good. What does she think? I don't know - she came off really bad and gross and angry. Then there's NPH. Neil Patrick Harris. Oh, boy. It was almost as if NPH said to himself "I'm goign to be on Idol. I need to really be on, mix it up with Simon, be hilarious..." And wow - was he on. And boy did it turn me off. He tried to go in there and just be one of the gang and I appreciate the showmanship I guess, but I really love it when someone who is guesting on their to both assertive and themselves. I got the feeling NPH was doing what he thought we wanted to see him do. Ever since he hosted the Emmys and got touted as genius - even though it was one of the safest hosting jobs I've ever seen (not that I think NPH has the ability to be dangerously comic), but if ever there was an overrated guy around, it's gotta be Neil Patrick Harris. The strange thing is I really like him most of the time - I just wish he didn't believe his own press so much.

For the record, I really like the "Barney" chick with the whip.

Fantasia For Real and Frank The Entertainer

2010-01-27T20:57:00.001-08:00

FRANK THE ENTERTAINER (VH1)
I don't know. This seemed like the usual reality VH1 fare. Frank is a reasonably charming guy. His parents are real Italian loving New Yorkers; yet as I was watching, I felt life slipping away. I can only take so much of these shows. This one seemed good and if I had all the time in the world I'd probably give it more of a chance, but I just couldn't do it.

FANTASIA:FOR REAL (VH1)
Kind of the same reaction. I love Fantasia. I love her singing voice, I love her helium infused speaking voice. Her drama is kind of fun and she's a real talent. The show is put together nicely enough but again - life might be a bit too short for this one.

NIP/TUCK and other musings...

2010-01-26T14:36:00.000-08:00

NIP/TUCK (F/X) (final season)
Who knew that Nip/Tuck's final season would be so fucking good? Mind you, this is not the brilliant show it was during its first 2 seasons and even through much of season 3...but this show had gone so far off the rails in seasons up till now (I think we're at 8 or something) that the idea that the show would present a final batch of terrific episodes seemed impossible.

That said, while not quite the show it once was, Nip/Tuck, so far at least, is ending its run in grand style. With superb storylines, amazing actors from the guest stars (particularly the guy who tried suicide by bridge last week) and finally getting to the natural conclusion of the Christian/Sean storyline. While all the stuff with Kember will always be a bit cartoonish because of the insane way they've kept her on the show, for a show that had gone so far off course, I like how they're wrapping things up and for a show like this, it feels comfortably grounded.

I don't know what the final batch will bring, but so far:
Grade: B +

FAMILY GUY: BLUE HARVEST (DVD)
I recently rewatched the BLUE HARVEST edition of FAMILY GUY (The Star Wars episode) and not only is at as funny as I remember it, but the disc comes with a great commentary track, an interview with George Lucas and even an animotronic version of the entire episode (the episode with bare audio and sketches that would later become the show.) It's also an expanded edition that features a few great gags not in the TV version.
Grade: A

I like SECRETS OF ASPEN (VH1) but not enought to stick with it.

I fucking loved the JERSEY SHORE wrap up and reunion episode. Ronny and Sammi even had a last, great fight during the reunion that was cruel and unusual. (By the way, is it me or did Ronnie really fatten up.) I love this group and hope MTV does a lot more with them - as I'm sure they will.

I'm prepping an essay on the late-night shennanigans that isn't quite ready yet.

Haven't seen the new 24, Damages, or even the last batch of BORED TO DEATH yet. All on my DVR.

Besos.

Elvis Costello "Spectacle"

2010-01-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

Elvis Costello Spectacle (Sundance)
There was a show on TRIO called MUSICIANS about 4/5 years ago. It was probably the best show ever for music fans of the singer/songwriter variety. They had a guy like James Lipton (seriously) who interviewed a group every week about their songs, lives, etc. Throughout the hour, the group would get on stage and run through an acoustic set of their big hits and favorite deep cuts. I think it ran a year or so and - well, we all know what happened to Trio. In case you don't, the entire channel got canceled. It was probably my favorite non-network channel of all time.

For more info on TRIO, go here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trio_(TV_network)
(for some reason, the page makes no mention of MUSICIANS. In fact, I have not been able to find any info on that show since it aired. Too bad someone hasn't put together a DVD of the performances or the episodes.)

This brings me to the newly svelte Elvis Costello's SPECTACLE. I guess because this show reminds me a lot of that other show I used to love.

This is in that same category. Not only does Elvis have guests who talk about their music and run through some hits and covers, but Elvis Costello himself is one of my top 5 artists of all time. So not only do you get these artists doing great versions of their own songs in an acoustic setting (the POLICE episode had amazing stuff in it) but you also get the bands doing covers of Elvis songs, Elvis doing their songs, and at least every episode has an Elvis tune sung by the man himself.

Last season was great - an hour with Elton John, The Police, James Taylor, Elvis doing "Carpetbaggers" with She and Him....great stuff indeed. But last year the guests sometimes were a bit too eclectic, and the song choices a bit too obscure. Don't get me wrong. I loved it last season, but this season Elvis has hit the show out of the park.

He's had U2, an incredible episode where the man himself was interviewed by Mary Louise Parker and ran though insanely good versions of his own songs like "Town Cryer," "Brilliant Mistake," "I Threw It All Away," and "So Like Candy." Those are some of the best deep cuts Elvis has. Then when I thought he couldn't top that - well, he didn't. He brought on Lyle Lovett and put the world to sleep.

But the following week he had on Bruce Springsteen who not only proved a great interview (Bruce is a very tough interview but this really worked because of Elvis' brand of asking the questions that music fans want to hear) but ran through an acoustic set that included a beautiful version of "Wild Billy Circus Story," "The River," and "New York City Serenade." Elvis did an amazing version of "She's The One."

Part 2 airs next week.

It's a shame Elvis claims this is the last season. I would've like this to go on forever. I would've liked to see The Eels, a retrospective on Elliot Smith, Prince, Billy Joel...I can't believe he's ending it.

The Springsteen wrap up is tonight I believe and that's it. But a job well done and as far as musicians and their music, it doesn't get much better than this.

SPECTACLE: A +

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The Final Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien

2010-01-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

THE TONIGHT SHOW with Conan O'Brien

In his entire run on late night, Conan has made me laugh maybe half a dozen times. I've always admired and laughed from some of the bits. But I never really found the guy funny. In fact, I always found him way too overbearing, working WAY too hard to sell his jokes, his unending and completely unwarranted self deprecation (how many hair jokes at his own expense can we endure.) In fact, self-deprecation might have been Coco's downfall. He always, always, always went for that joke. If a guest said "I chopped down a tree in the forest" Conan would go on to say "That's me, just a tree in a forest - nobody cares" followed by a series of wacky faces he calls comedy. In fact, I suspect Conan's comic "mania" is what kept him in place so long, and also never allowed him to mature as a talk show host.

I know a lot of people loved Conan and personally, I hear he's the real deal. A great guy in a sea of show biz is a rare find indeed and although I've never met the man, I have no trouble believing Conan is an especially kind human being. Not funny, but kind.

In any case, the last week of shows had its moments. The bit with costing NBC all kinds of money was pretty good, and some of his anti NBC and Leno barbs were great. But let's face it - after 15 years or so on the air, Conan could never do a good interview. Never.

Anyway, I watched the final episode...and what can I say? Nothing special. He didn't do any great bits. His guests were largely uninspired. Tom Hanks was funny for about one minute. While a big name, what the fuck was he doing there as a final guest? Plugging some movie? Then you had Steve Carrel - the hidden big surprise that was supposed to wow us in a bit that went over like a lead balloon. (I love Steve Carrel - but the bit really didn't work.) Lastly, you had Will Ferrell - one of the funniest guys in showbiz. And he sang. There was a nugget of comedic inspiration there - but it never took flight. It just went on and on.

The two best things about the finale: Conan's speech about not being cynical. That was actually pretty great and insightful. The other great thing was the joke Conan pitched out as a premise for a show - The Andy Richter show with Conan as his second banana. I know they were kidding, but boy, I'd watch that show. Andy Richter is funny.
Grade: C -

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Just a reminder:

2010-01-22T14:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight - Conan O'Brien's last episode.

Also try and catch the Costello SPECTACLE with Bruce Springsteen over the weekend on Sundance if you can - it's amazing.

Ironically, the late night wars have brought out the best in everybody - from Letterman to Kimmel to Leno to Conan - unfortunately, Feguson still sucks.

THE DARK END OF THE STREET - A film about black tar heroin

2010-01-21T03:12:00.000-08:00

It's 3:AM. I can't sleep because I finished watching this old HBO docu a few hours ago called:

THE DARK END OF THE STREET (HBO)
It's maybe the grittiest of all the HBO docs that they did in the 90s and somehow haven't done for a while. I'll eventually review all of them as I like to go back and look at these - but this one was so dark I found it surprising HBO even aired it in the first place. I don't think its been on their air in over 8 years. Luckily I had a DVD that I'd recently converted to AVI so I can watch stuff off a small 320 Gig drive that I plug into my computer.

Anyway, the docu is about 2 years in the lives of Black Tar heroin users in the mid 90s. Harrowing does not begin to describe the plight of these young people searching for a vein to stick a needle in. Lots of shots of the junkies using the veins in their necks, they prostitute themselves for drug money, even after one of them learns they have AIDS. One girl in her 20s goes to jail for 7 months for dealing. She has huge plans for parenthood and becoming an adult when she gets out. Eight hours after getting out she's high again...and that's one of the more savory stories.

These things are kind of hard to take, but compelling and fascinating. Docs don't get any realer than this, and the soundtrack and editing and pure filmmaking on display here is seriously about as clear as you can get on this subject of young junkies.

This is the only place I know of on the web right now to find it, along with many other superb HBO docs. But this one is really the bomb in every way.
Grade: A +
Get it here:
http://www.bst.com/241R2X

AMERICAN IDOL with no Paula...

2010-01-20T10:04:00.000-08:00

AMERICAN IDOL (Fox)
IDOL opened up last week. I finally sat down and FF my way through the first few eps. I think I need to review IDOL in 3 parts - the auditions, the Hollywood stuff, and the competition. As far as the auditions, Ellen is not there yet (I find Ellen pretty annoying on her own show - I'm sure I'll hate her on Idol but I'm keeping an open mind.)

Kara has come into her own and still sounds like an idiot. Her exchange with that weird dude "you need a spanking" sounded like Kara wanted to sleep with the guy. Their treatment of that guy singing "Pants on the ground" was kind of shameful - but the guy was about 55 years old and sand a terible version of his own song.

For a stellar version of PANTS ON THE GROUND, check out this clip from the usually cringe-worthy JIMMMY FALLON show. One thing Fallon does right is his impression of Neil Young. Check it out here - sorry - still don't know how to add links. I wish someone would write in and tell me so this is still a cut and paste job.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2WfUzNYPwo

Fallon is not a good talk show host but he does a mean Neil Young impression. Thanks to the Stern Show for tipping me off about this.

Back to Idol, I thought they did what they do every year since season 3. They forecast the auditions. If they run a bunch of goofy footage of someone you know they're going to suck. If they run a whole taped piece with shots of the persons family and video of the person singing when they were 5, believe me - they're going to make it to Hollywood. They have overedited all the joy out of these auditions.

The beauty of seasons 1 & 2 were that people were just walking in and singing and you kind of got a fly-on-the-wall vibe where anything could happen. Now you know just by the over-enunciating in Ryan Seacrest's voice if the person will make it or not "this gentlemen sure knew how to creep Kara out."

As far as Paula not being there; it's sad to see some of that miserable tension gone, but in all honesty, I think where you'll really miss her is during the live shows when she can't hide her insanity and Simon can't hide his delight in her retardation.

This is supposedly Simon's last year as he leaves next season to launch the American version of THE X FACTOR (allegedly with Paula at his side.)

But I love IDOL and yet, still find these auditions both nessessary and grueling. And yeah, I know that by the time they audition for the judges, they've already been seen twice by associate producers who think the judges will have fun with them. I don't care. I still love the show and kind of like that we have to wait for January every year to watch it.

THE AUDITIONS: B

Recent Ramblings...

2010-01-19T11:51:00.000-08:00

NIP/TUCK is shaping up to be a really good final season. Both eps I've seen have been fairly grounded, deep, emotional...maybe they can pull this final season out. The characters have somehow become vital again as we get our last few episodes of them.

SECRETS OF ASPEN (VH1) traffics in all the stereotypes it can handle - cheap women with big bank accounts, friendships turned frenemy, overtly over the top gay male best friends, gossip, innuendo, sex...all in a neat little half hour. I really wanted to hate this show - but 3 eps in and...if not exactly hooked, I like it. God help me.

THE GOLDEN GLOBES (NBC) was a let down. Ricky Gervais, increasingly unfunny in his public appearances, was the host but somehow a no-show as he appeared onstage very little and when he did - made only the tiniest of contributions. Monique looked like she really was that mother in Precious when she took the stage. James Cameron had a long speech for his AVATAR win. I mean, I really kind of love AVATAR, but best Drama? That Scorsese thing was interminable and DeNiro was just plain weird. I don't remember much else about the broadcast.

I watched the first half of BIG FAN and I'm a big fan.

Still a fan of TOUGH LOVE, but it's already getting a bit old. I don't know if I can hack a 3rd season.

Speaking of which, I've recently given the heave-ho to BIGGEST LOSER (NBC.) I love the show, but after 7 seasons, I get it. Fat people need to lose weight or they die. It's an hour too long and it just seems like the same show every week at this point. So, with respect, it's out.

Jimmy Kimmel did a fantastic Leno impression last week on his show and then later skewered Leno on Leno's own 10@10 segment, but I'll address all that - and the late night stuff in Saturday's full blog.

Until then...

Adventureland, Bored to Death and the morality of Fan Edits.

2010-01-06T12:04:00.000-08:00

I have been posting reviews throughout the week for daily visitors. To make sure you don't miss one exciting word, I will include the daily reviews towards the bottom of the weekly blog.

As you've probably noticed, I've changed the look of the blog. In order to have some more features, (like a search) I needed to change the template. If you hate this one, let me know. It'll continue to evolve.

Also, don't forget THE DIGITAL COUCH is now on TWITTER. Join for updates, mini-reviews and a notice each time I post. THE DIGITAL COUCH on TWITTER can be found at:
http://twitter.com/TheDigitalCouch

AVATAR
James Cameron has saved the movie biz. I know this because as much as I love going to the movies, its usually too much of a pain in the ass to do it. I usually see DVDs or screeners. I have to admit - as much as I loved BASTERDS, it was the first QT film I did not go see on the big screen (and I was very sorry after I saw that brilliant film.)

AVATAR presents a problem for The Digital Couch Potato. You simply can't watch it on TV or even in HD or even in HD 3D because NOTHING will give you the theater experience. So me and my girlfriend went and saw this thing Wednesday night at the Hollywood Cineramadome. The son of a bitch figured a way to get me to go shell out money for movies, popcorn, m&ms (try putting M&Ms in your popcorn - you won't be sorry.)

The thing is, the movie delivered. I'm not going to do some kind of in depth review of something that's already been reviewed and analyzed a million times. But, it's really fucking good. In some ways spectacular.

The 3D is really insane. It's not a cheap gimmick. It's just the visual language of the movie, and as that, you get used to it pretty quick. But the novelty wearing off works in the film's favor, because just when you're used to it, something visually amazing happens that you can't believe. The forest alone was worth the money and the effort.

The story is quite serviceable. Far from great, it works on a very basic level, has enough going for it to sustain the film. The acting is fine. I never heard of the lead actor but I liked him. Sigourney Weaver is a nice, stabilizing presence, and what the fuck is up with Stephen Lang? Not to really nitpick - but if I were, why was Lang's General so unlikable? Cameron as of late has a thing for paper villains. Billy Zane in TITANIC and now this hateful General for hire. The thing about a paper villain is - you just light them on fire. Had he given some humanity to the bad guys, this might have worked on a much more human level instead of a mostly visceral one. Let's not forget, as great as TITANIC looked, the reason people cried their eyes out was for the tragedy, not the special effects.

That said, there is tons of originality in the movie, and like I said - it really does work fine. There are some plot holes you can drive a truck through and Cameron's occasional ear goes tin with lines like "We're not in Kansas anymore." (Would people still use that expression 200 years from now?)

SPOILER ALERT: DON'T READ AHEAD IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE.

The big problem here is that he sets up a storyline which leads to an incredible battle between the Aliens and the greedy humans who want the precious metals in the ground the aliens live on. So - then why were the Avatars created in the first place if they were always going to do exactly what they wanted anyway?

That question aside - and there are some other really big potholes - Cameron really delivers in the final battle sequence and I promise it's like nothing I've ever seen on film. I left that theater in a state of wonder and awe. And four pounds heavier from the popcorn and M&Ms.

Despite anything negative I've said, you just really go see this. It won't change your life, but this is an event not to be missed and will probably change the way movies are thought of and made. Once again, James Cameron has rewritten the rule book and this four year labor of love and money demands to be seen.
Grade: A -

ADVENTURELAND (DVD)
Very good film set in the 80s. Jesse Eisenberg finds out that he won't be going on that European vacation after all since his father loses his job. So as his summer vacation before Grad school becomes a job at the local crappy amusement park Pittsburgh. Eisenberg is really good here (he's good in ZOMBIELAND as well.) Ryan Reynolds comes off as a less retarded Dane Cook and Martin Star (Freaks & Geeks) shines as Eisenberg's new buddy. Kristen Stewart is also kind of perfect as the girl who Eisenberg likes - although Eisenberg goes a long way on confidence. How he's hooking up with all these hot girls is a bit inexplicable but never less than somehow believable because the character is so interesting and sweet.

Everybody is good here, the direction and writing by Greg Motolla excellent, and this was something I put on to fall asleep to - then stayed up till 3:AM watching it. Bill Hader and Kristin Wiig, whom I normally love in almost everything they do - seem a bit out of place here as their SNL sketch sensibilities seem to go against the naturalism of the entire rest of the piece. That said, by the end of the movie you sort of buy their characters, but they definitely seem to be directing themselves. It seems like this project needed some comedy names but I think those roles might have been better served by real character actors. Nonetheless, pretty great flick that manages to capture those early 20s moments of unease and romantic yearning. The other thing I like about this is that its not completely depressing. There is actually a nice optimism that runs through this film that is quite a change from the current crop of bummers out there.
Grade: B +

Brick City (A&E)
A 5 part A & E on the criminal element in Newark, NJ. Sprawling and audacious, it often feels like THE WIRE's documentary cousin. You also get to see hard working cops and politicians really trying to make a difference. Highly recommended.
Grade: A

BORED TO DEATH (HBO)
A great new show from HBO, this sat on my DVR for months before I took a look. This offbeat series stars Jason Schwartzman as Jonathan Ames, who makes his fantasy life of reading mystery novels into something real by taking on private detective work (unlicensed) through a Craigslist ad in Brooklyn, N.Y. What a great funny actor Schwartzman continues to become, and Ted Danson is pitch perfect as his agent/enabler. I've only seen the first two, but based on the super specific humor and the outrageous set up, I'll go out on a limb here.
Grade: A

Johnny Depp's Rolling stone article "MY FAVORITE THINGS" gets my vote for the most pretentious moment of the year. Hands down.

I just saw the trailer for the new Romero "SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD." Not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, the action looks about on par with some of his better DEAD stuff, but all these bad Irish accents all over the thing...I don't' know. These new DEAD films, for horror fans, are the equivalent of the new STAR WARS trilogy for Lucas fans. Both horrible.

I've learned recently about something called FAN EDITS. Where super bored but technically ambitious and sometimes very creative fans re-edit the original cut of a film on their computer and distribute the new version out to the fans.

I'm going to try and throw a few links on here. If they don't work just cut and paste. BLOGSPOT refuses to make adding links easy.

Okay - just tried to put a link on. I don't know why it's not hot so just cut and paste till I figure this out.

For the new Romero trailer 2009 Zombie film, go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAPABAYczkE

For a trailer of the fan-edit version of LAND OF THE DEAD (that film sucked, but this fan edit actually looks interesting. I will review it if I can get my hands on it.)

Here is the trailer, which gives off a completely different tone and vibe to the original trailer for LAND OF THE DEAD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgkbhjNw0-Q

It's no secret that T4 was not beloved by the sci-fi community. However, the fan-edit version is a hit. Here is a trailer for that (notice the human angle played up and the use of the original terminator music, which was absent in the actual film.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_S2Kx44usk&feature=related

The studios don't seem to have a real problem with these edits, as long as the people getting them show proof of the original DVD purchase - but this is all a little dodgy. And for the most part, 99 percent of these fan edits are for sci-fi movies.

Here is a fan-edit trailer for THE DARK KNIGHT which includes a whole prologue from BATMAN BEGINS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U2H5I4SEIM

What's the morality of this? I'm not sure. I know that even in my favorite movies, there are things I'd love to edit. Take for instance TITANIC. Surely no movie before has come before or since where so much brilliance and so much utter crap co-existed in the same film. So what about cutting down on the early scenes of Leo as an Irish swashbuckler, adding some more dramatic music, making the villain not so boorish....I can see the pull towards reworking your favorite movies. But they MUST have a FAN EDIT indicator on it. From what little I've seen, they play by the rules, not trying to fool anybody but to improve upon the original work. This is the new age. And by God, they say there is a 3 hour fan edit of all the new STAR WARS that makes the original Lucas trilogy look like shit. The funny thing is - Lucas has no problem with it - the company's philosophy seems to be that these fan edits only further entangle the fan with the product.

I am not particularly interested in seeing fan edits because it seems like they are too hard to come by, however - I do have a fan edit of TRUE ROMANCE which supposedly goes back to Tarantino's original structure and that QT himself reportedly likes better than the Tony Scott cut. I will review that at a later date.

And if I manage to get the fan edit of LAND OF THE DEAD I will happily drag out my old review and put it side by side - but otherwise, you start getting into fan edits - I don't know...seems like a dodgy way to devalue the original work. But I haven't seen any yet, so - who knows. The jury is still out with me. I loved ROCKY BALBOA, but boy, if there was ONE CUT I could make....and I like the RENT movie....but it would sure be nice to edit back in the wrongfully cut "Goodbye Love" segment...see where this could all lead?

I would be very curious to hear people's thoughts on this.

In the meantime, here are the reviews I've posted since the last weekly blog:

2010/01/04
CHOKE with Sam Rockwell
CHOKE (HBO)
Chuck Palahniuk wrote a pretty great book. Sam Rockwell gives a pretty admirable performance. Unfortunately, nothing much else goes right in this boring, listless movie. Considering this is about a sex addict and con artist, you'd expect some cheap thrills at the very least. None found here.
Grade: D

2010/01/03
THE KILLING OF A CHINESE BOOKIE (135 minute cut)
THE KILLING OF A CHINESE BOOKIE (IFC)
Directed and written by John Casavetes, the brilliant 70s filmmaker whose movies always seemed improvised, (but were not) this was the 135 minute cut of the film later cut down to a director's polish a year later for re release that ran 108 minutes and is supposedly a real re-interpretation of the footage.

Having never seen this and only one Casavetes film before (HUSBANDS, which is great) I let this sit on my DVR a long time since 135 is a big commitment. Once I started watching, I was completely hooked by the realism in the filmmaking. A lot of people thought Casavetes let his actors improvise. Not true. The confusion lies in the fact that Casavetes allowed his actors to interpret their roles how they wanted to which gave the films an authentic feeling, but he wrote and directed his scripts completely.

THE KILLING reminded me a lot of early Scorsese work like MEAN STREETS and you can see his influence in directors from Abel Ferrara to Quentin Tarantino. This is a slow moving film but never less than compelling. Ben Gazarra plays Cosmo, a strip club owner who gets into a bad gambling debt to the local mob. In order to squash his debt they ask him to kill a Chinese gang lord. The way all this unfolds feels real and never rushed. It also has quiet moments of grim beauty and I find myself looking forward to seeing the director's cut on this. At 135 minutes, there are moments here that you're asking yourself what the fuck you're watching. But that's also the kick of the film. Things don't happen for so long that when they do its like a slap in the face. And the whole thing has a real cinema verite' style that fits the grungy storyline like a glove. Ben Gazarra is, as usual, brilliant.
Grade: A -

Just watched the first few minutes of the new NIP/TUCK season. This is the last season of this wildly uneven show. The first two seasons were kind of brilliant. The third season was pretty cool despite some very wonky reveals, but the thing is that no matter how weird or outright bad the show gets, its never less than interesting. What it lacks in cohesion it makes up for in balls. It's a good thing its ending; as just a glance at the first few scenes makes you forget how very good this show once was.

THE JERSEY SHORE somehow keeps getting better and better. I love it.

Re-watched DAWN OF THE DEAD (1979 version) the other night. Great movie - the US Theatrical version is the way to go. But the opening could still use a 15 minute chop. Fan-edit anyone?

Check out a new band called The XX - XX - great mellow album.

TOUGH LOVE continues to be one of the best reality shows on TV.

Is it just me or did Aquaman seems a little annoyed to be fielding questions about Mexican fish on Kimmel the other night?

Speaking of which, Jimmy had a great interview with Neil Patrick Harris last night. I had no idea that NPH had become the GAY MAN OF THE DECADE.

If you happen to go to The Staples Center, as I did Tuesday night with my friend Darren L., eat at Nate & Al's for a great 25 dollar sandwich. Houston played a good game, but never once had the lead. The Lakers are having an insane season.

Just for shits and grins, this is maybe the most racist ad ever made by the animal cruelty factory known as KFC:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FftZt-Dw_hQ&feature=player_embedded

If you know how badly KFC treats its animals, you'd never eat there again. If you don't know, you should look into it.

Re-watched INGLORIUS BASTERDS over the New Year's weekend - even better than I'd remembered it. A real classic.

DECADES CONTINUED:
The best and worst of 2005:
SON OF THE MASK: unwatchable.
BE COOL (sequel to GET SHORTY) C -
THE UPSIDE OF ANGER: C +
SIN CITY: B
HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY: B -
CRASH: A
STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH: B
BATMAN BEGINS: A
THE HONEYMOONERS REMAKE: F
LAND OF THE DEAD: (we were just talking about you!) D
MARCH OF THE PENGUINS: B
WAR OF THE WORLDS: B -
FANTASTIC FOUR: C
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: D
WEDDING CRASHERS: B
DEVIL'S REJECTS: A +
HUSTLE & FLOW: B +
40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN: A+
HISTORY OF VIOLENCE: B
TWO FOR THE MONEY: B
SAW II: D
JARHEAD: C +
WALK THE LINE: B
RENT: B +
TRANSAMERICA: B -
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: A
KING KONG: C
THE RINGER: B +
THE MATEDOR: B +

Lastly, anybody who reads this blog knows what a huge Howard Stern fan I am, and I was completely shocked to learn of the disturbing events that transpired with Artie over the weekend. If you're a fan of the show I'm sure you've heard and if you're not, it's pretty much all over the net at this point.

Rather than dwell on what happened, I'm wishing Artie the best and hoping that he's able to figure this all out and become healthy again. He's one of the funniest people alive, by all accounts the sweetest guy in the world. I hope he has a speedy and quick recovery.

CHOKE with Sam Rockwell

2010-01-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

CHOKE (HBO)
Chuck Palahniuk wrote a pretty great book. Sam Rockwell gives a pretty admirable performance. Unfortunately, nothing much else goes right in this boring, listless movie. Considering this is about a sex addict and con artist, you'd expect some cheap thrills at the very least. None found here.
Grade: D

THE KILLING OF A CHINESE BOOKIE (135 minute cut)

2010-01-03T14:00:00.001-08:00

THE KILLING OF A CHINESE BOOKIE (IFC)
Directed and written by John Casavetes, the brilliant 70s filmmaker whose movies always seemed improvised, (but were not) this was the 135 minute cut of the film later cut down to a director's polish a year later for re release that ran 108 minutes and is supposedly a real re-interpretation of the footage.

Having never seen this and only one Casavetes film before (HUSBANDS, which is great) I let this sit on my DVR a long time since 135 is a big commitment. Once I started watching, I was completely hooked by the realism in the filmmaking. A lot of people thought Casavetes let his actors improvise. Not true. The confusion lies in the fact that Casavetes allowed his actors to interpret their roles how they wanted to which gave the films an authentic feeling, but he wrote and directed his scripts completely.

THE KILLING reminded me a lot of early Scorsese work like MEAN STREETS and you can see his influence in directors from Abel Ferrara to Quentin Tarantino. This is a slow moving film but never less than compelling. Ben Gazarra plays Cosmo, a strip club owner who gets into a bad gambling debt to the local mob. In order to squash his debt they ask him to kill a Chinese gang lord. The way all this unfolds feels real and never rushed. It also has quiet moments of grim beauty and I find myself looking forward to seeing the director's cut on this. At 135 minutes, there are moments here that you're asking yourself what the fuck you're watching. But that's also the kick of the film. Things don't happen for so long that when they do its like a slap in the face. And the whole thing has a real cinema verite' style that fits the grungy storyline like a glove. Ben Gazarra is, as usual, brilliant.
Grade: A -

THE JERSEY SHORE somehow keeps getting better and better.

Re-watched DAWN OF THE DEAD (1979 version) the other night. Great movie - the US Theatrical version is the way to go. But the opening could still use a 15 minute chop.

Check out a new band called The XX - XX - great mellow album.

TOUGH LOVE continues to be one of the best reality shows on TV.

Re-watched INGLORIUS BASTERDS over the weekend - even better than I'd remembered it. A true classic in every sense of the word.

DECADES EDITION PART III

2009-12-31T10:13:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year's Eve!

If you would like an email alerting you to the large weekly post, just drop me a line with your email at TheDigitalCouch@aol.com

And follow The Digital Couch on Twitter, where you can be alerted to every post:
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Also, I've begun posting small reviews every other day or so, so in order to see all the latest reviews - sign up for twitter to be alerted, or just scroll down after this post to see my latest reviews of HALLOWEEN II and THE JERSEY SHORE.

NEW REVIEWS:

UP IN THE AIR (IN THEATERS)
George Clooney is finally taking the right kind of roles after a very shaky film start. Jason Reitman is an immensely talented filmmaker. He made THANK YOU FOR SMOKING, a fine if not great satire, JUNO, an out and out winner that blended Diablo Cody's ultra hip script with great performances and casting, and now comes this new one. For the first 30 minutes I thought I was in for a real treat. Then the story started. It wasn't about the fact that George Clooney was a guy hired to go around to different companies and fire people while traveling - I kind of loved that. And I loved the opening narration where Clooney explains his job. But then the movie starts, and the job is over and he's stuck with some young actress who's all over the place and by the time this thing is at midway point, I just wanted it to be over. I would've preferred a movie that was about what Clonney did for a living and its affect on him - instead it became about Clooney's need for love. Blech. This coulda been a contender. I know it's getting accolades everywhere, but I just don't get it. Great opening, though. And well directed, it's the story that let me down.
Grade: C +

THIS IS IT (DVD)
Whatever you thought of Michael Jackson, this is a fascinating documentary about his last weeks getting ready for what was to be his final curtain call of concerts in London. I'm sure he would've performed more but it was a great commercial hook to call these the last live shows, and he certainly was prepping them to be a fitting send off. After all the drug use, allegations and rumors and horrifying documentaries, it was sort of cathartic to finally see him just do what he's best at - creating pop music, singing, dancing, working with the crew (those were actually my favorite parts of the movie) when Jackson had fits over the direction here and there - though he always ends every small tirade by saying "that is said with L-O-V-E."" (I realize - what he really might have been best at is keeping the cops at bay - but that's another blog.)

No matter what you thought of Jackson, there is no disputing what a uniquely talented artist he was, and this film not only helps you remember that but is a great glimpse into his creative soul and the performer we lost. A much better film than I was expecting somehow. The funny thing is - I hate those kind of huge spectacle shows. I realize a lot of people get off on the spectacle, but for me, it was more interesting to see him put it all together than to actually experience the show. For my money, I would've paid good money to see Jackson come out with a guitarist and just acoustically run through his biggest hits. And here, in rehearsal, you not only get quite a bit of that, but you realize just what a great singer this man really was.
Grade: B +

BAD LT: PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS (IN THEATERS)
I really liked, if not loved, the 2003 Harvey Keitel version. Reportedly, when Ed Pressman sold the remake rights to Warner Herzog, Abel Ferrar, the director behind the original BAD LT., as well as THE KING OF NY and many other low life classics, said "I hope he burns in hell." Well, Herzog did not burn in hell, instead with Nicholas Cage, he has crafted a new movie related only to that earlier version in very broad plot threads, that is really the sparkplug of the winter movie season.

These films that dwell on subjects like these, murder, drugs, madness...they're not exactly big money makers. So when they do slip through the cracks and actually get made - it's usually a labor of love.

Cage plays a cop who, in the midst of Katrina, nearly breaks his back trying to free a trapped prisoner from drowning. This has left him with a chronic back pain that Vicoden can't really quell - and his quest to score drugs is one of the nasty fun parts of the movie. Also terrific is Eva Mendes as his hooker girlfriend and Val Kilmer is surprisingly subdued in his role as Cage's ex partner. He actually doesn't even look like himself anymore - it's kind of weird.

The first movie was much more spiritual and about deeper issues of the spirit and religion, this is a bit more straight forward and frankly - while I admire the hell out of the original, this is a lot more fun and Cage works hard to keep us liking this utterly corrupted and very complicated guy.

And to see Nic Cage, mr. movie star as of late, crack smoking his way through his role as a crazy corrupt cop in the Big Easy with supporting performance crackling all around him - this is very hard to resist. No spoilers here because I just suggest you see it, but this was one of the more exciting signs of life this movie season.
Grade: A

THE HISTORY OF HOWARD STERN (ACT 3) (Sirius Radio)
Every Holiday season Howard releases a 14 part (or so) radio documentary on his rise to the top. This new one covers the time from the mid to about 2002 (something like that.) For me, what's so great about these are that in my own radio worship of Stern, these were the things I remembered most, when he first got out LA radio and these bits are music to my ears, bringing up a lot of great memories of hilarity. These are also exceedingly well produced and edited and really gave the subscribers a lot of bang for the buck in Howard and Co's absence. There is talk of this being Stern's last year. I don't believe it. I think he's good for another 5, but either way - this is the beginning of the end of the greatest era of radio ever. Go the store, buy the radio, have it installed. It's 15 bucks a month for the funniest radio you'll ever hear. It actually makes your day better and there will be days you won't leave your car because what's going on over the air is too compelling to leave.
Grade: A +

TOUGH LOVE II (VH1)
Just started going through these on my DVR. Love it.

SEX ADDICT REHAB w/Dr. Drew (VH1)
Another winner, though the "celebs" were barely recognizable. Is there ANY addiction left for Amber Smith to have?

DECADES CONTINUED:

Okay, tomorrow is a new year and clearly I have not seen all the new movies yet, but I will continue to review them. In the meantime, here are my final picks - based solely on what I've seen - as the 10 best movies of 2009.

These are all in the A to A+ category.

10 BEST OF 2009:

TWO FILMS TIE FOR FIRST PLACE:

INGLORIUS BASTERDS
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

Both spectacular out of the box creations.

2.) THE BAD LT. PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS

3.) PRECIOUS

4.)TYSON

5.) GOMORRAH

6.) I LOVE YOU, MAN

7.) FUNNY PEOPLE (Despite the wonkiest 3rd act ever, the first 90 minutes were so great I forgive the last act. But not to include this film doesn't work for me.)

8.) THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE

9.) DISTRICT 9

10) TWO LOVERS

BEST & WORST OF DECADES

Moving on, while I certainly can't pick the top 10 for 10 years - I have been going through the decades. Here are some more best and most memorable stinkers from the last few years. I will stop when I get to 2000.

BEST & WORST OF 2006 (in no particular order)

HOSTEL: B +
BIG MOMMAS HOUSE 2: F
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS (remake): F
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING: B
INSIDE MAN: B
BASIC INSTINCT 2: RISK ADDIDCTION : A for unintentional hilarity, F for everything else
UNITED 93: A
ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL: C
THE BREAK UP: D
THE LAKE HOUSE: C +
NACHO LIBRE: D
SUPERMAN RETURNS: D
YOU, ME & DUPREE: C -
CLERKS II: C
TALLEDEGA NIGHTS: A
MIAMI VICE (unwatchable)
CRANK: B +
THE DEPARTED: B + (sorry - great storytelling but not the classic it wants to be)
THE PRESTIGE: B
BABEL: B -
SAW III: F
BORAT: A
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: C - (A rare misstep in the Chris Guest mock dock area)
HAPPY FEET: B -
TENACIOUS D: PICK OF DESTINY: C - (sorry - not nearly as sharp as the series of shorts)
APOCOLYPTO: B (take that, sugar tits)
BLOOD DIAMOND: B +
DREAMGIRLS: A
ROCKY BALBOA: A +
WE ARE MARSHAL: C
NOTES ON A SCANDAL: B
FIND ME GUILTY: B
LAST KING OF SCOTLAND: B +
THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE: C
STRANGERS WITH CANDY: C -
WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR: B +

Will be back for more reviews in the new year.
Drive safe, drink responsibly, easy on the weed and don't OD on X.

If you would like to be notified everytime there is a new posting via email with a link, please just send your email with a note saying DIG COUCH UPDATE to TheDigitalCouch@aol.com

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DIGITAL COUCH NOW ON TWITTER

2009-12-30T10:13:00.000-08:00

YOU CAN NOW FOLLOW THE DIGITAL COUCH ON TWITTER!

sorry - I can't figure out how to include a hot link here - if someone can give me a step by step it would be greatly appreciated.

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Not for nothing...

2009-12-30T09:12:00.000-08:00

SONS OF ANARCHY had a killer 2nd season.

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM had a a great 6th season. Obviuosly, anyone who reads this blog knows what a major SEINFEILD fan I am. I loved the reunion and seeing those actors together again. The funny thing was - I am one of those who thought the original finale of Seinfeld was the very worst episdoe of Seinfeld ever. Ever.

Did this make up for it? Not really. We stil have no real finality for these people, thought it was fun to see scenes written for them and performed in character. And it was a major kick - the way the finale was just put together not for creative reasons but for Larry to get Cheryl back. On the same note - those scenes could've worked as a real finale and its a shame that they were just written as just another episode - although - in some ways maybe that was the better idea. To not try to wrap it all up but just do one killer episode. I had heard that Elaine was a mother now of adopted childred but that a lot of those scenes got cut for time.

It was still a kick, yet the entire season was stolen by Super Dave's telling of the profane joke about the just-married couple. And what about a REAL Seinfeld finale? (I know - never happen.)

I am putting together a future blog that solely discusses series endings. Please let me know if you want your favorite series touched on in the comments section.

THE JERSEY SHORE and DEXTER

2009-12-29T09:58:00.001-08:00

JERSEY SHORE (MTV)
Awesome. Check it out if only to find out about "The Situation." This show makes me laugh out loud, hss some of the best, most original characters in reality and for me - a former resident of Brooklyn, NY - these authentic accents are music to my ears. The show is exceedingly well produced and has a great sense of humor. I actually grew up with people like this, and this show gets it right and the hair-gelled cast is very likable and the vibe here is fun. And addicting. And you really gotta see "the situation." Or "Snickers." Or "Snookie." Just trust me - check this out.
Grade: B +

DEXTER: 4th season (SHOWTIME)
No spoilers here, but bravo to the entire team who rose from the ashes of a middling season 3 (Jimmy Smits was not a good centerpiece for this show) and had an absolutely chilling madman in John Lithgow and completely go-for-the-throat ending. Well done.
Grade: A

DECADES EDITION part II

2009-12-21T09:12:00.000-08:00

THE BEST OF THE YEAR – PART II…

YOU CAN NOW FOLLOW THE DIGITAL COUCH ON TWITTER!
twitter.com/TheDigitalCouch

Now when I see something great/bad/mediocre – you can hear about it as soon as I figure out how to "tweet" from my cell phone.

What a douche I’ve become.

I will have more reviews coming - I had a recent tragedy in my extended family which has kept me away from the TV and the theaters. That said – not only was I able to see a couple of things during the week, but I came across a Word file on my computer from a few months ago, so in addition to some new reviews, here are some vintage COUCH reviews that have not seen the light of day just yet.

By the way, when I say “Sandra Bullock bravely plays a white woman who takes an interest in a young black man…” that is what’s called FUCKING SARCASM.

A lot of people didn’t understand how I could find THE HANGOVER funny, yet overrated. I will explain since I got quite a few emails and much ball busting over that review – yes, THE HANGOVER definitely has its moments along with an ingenious premise. That said – the movie doesn’t make you laugh the way…say SOMETHING ABOUT MARY did, or even SUPERBAD. It’s a clever comedy that somehow got billed as the funniest movie ever – and it’s not. But its funny enough to recommend.

Also - I do these fast and don't do a whole lot of going over them as I think my first impressions are kind of what's real about this blog. That means I have shit spelling and I get actors names wrong or mispell them. To be honest - I could care less how Mariah (100 people told me 1 R her name) spells her name. I do care that her performance in PRECIOUS was awesome - but give me a break. Blogs were made for mispelling.

But there is a review that bothers me – there were two films last week that I reviewed before finishing.

UP
I reviewed and basically dismissed before finishing that last half hour.
I still have yet to look at the last half hour.
But I will.

THE BLIND SIDE
…got a great review from me – unfortunately – the second half of this film goes total wish-fullfillment cheeseball bullshit bordering on fantasy. I know it’s a true story, and the performances are uniformly good, and the first half is particularly good, but Sandra Bullock’s character becomes not only a saint half way through, but a walking 5 camera sitcom with no laugh track. The scene where she just can’t wait on line to fill out a form, then cuts to the front of the line and the guy she cuts says "go ahead - I have to hear this." That was fucking retarded. Sandra Bullock threatening a group of dangerous gang members by telling them about her gun she keeps at home – even more fucking retarded.

Still a good film – but far from the great one I had thought it might be.
THE BLIND SIDE:
NEW GRADE:
C –

FUNNY PEOPLE (DVD)
I rebelled against seeing this film for a long time. Judd Apatow is one of my favorite writer/producer/directors. He made 41 YR. OLD VIRGIN and KNOCKED UP, two fantastic comedies, and was involved in many more of my favorites, like FORGETTING SARAH MARSHAL, SUPERBAD, TALLADEGA NIGHTS and WALK HARD.

Not to mention FREAKS AND GEEKS. One of the best series EVER. (If you don’t believe me, go out and rent the single season 18 episode cycle – truly one of the finest hours ever on the air and perhaps the most realistic depiction of high school since James at 15.)

But calling your movie FUNNY PEOPLE and having it BE about FUNNY PEOPLE…that struck me as a bit…pretentious. But I talked to a friend of mine whom I respect and who’d seen it and he really liked it. Based on his short review, I finally unspooled the copy of it that had been sitting on my coffee table.

I liked the first half of FUNNY PEOPLE so much, that I was giddy. I thought it just might be the greatest film of the year, and one of the best of all time. That is how much I liked where this movie was going. It had the same vibe as ALMOST FAMOUS, but somehow, I related to this even more. The scene where Sandler as a famous comedy standup/actor named George Simmons (never better – truly – the performance of his lifetime) brings Seth Rogan as Ira Wright (also a career best playing against type as a geeky stand up writer) to the MY SPACE gig on his private jet over James Taylor’s “Going to Carolina” is one of 2009’s great movie moments. Later, when Sandler, whose prickish comic is responsible for a dozen clearly horrible hit movies (hilariously depicted here as variation of Sandler’s real life moronic fables – such as MERMAN) ends up bringing home two women well…it just felt very real and very informed. Judd Apatow lived with Sandler during and after college and wrote jokes for him and many other comics, and the film delivers on the kicky sequences of watching them craft jokes and then performing it onstage.

Okay, it’s a bit of an insiders film – but most films are about something. For some reason the people who read your stuff always say “never do a film about the biz” and yet – at the end of the year some of the very best films are always “about the biz.” The two movies the first half of this brought to mind were LENNY, which – if you haven’t seen, you should as Dustin Hoffman brilliantly plays Lenny Bruce and depicts how Lenny got really fucked up by the controversial nature of his act (back then he was dangerous – now his routines seem rather quaint.) The other movie I was thinking of was PUNCHLINE, which was utter garbage. Tom Hanks as a brilliant, (brilliant only because everyone said that – not one funny set was delivered in that film) tortured comedian and Sally Field – oy vey, let’s forget about that horrible fucking movie. (I will ruin it even further – at the end Tom Hanks “bravely” – yes Sal, that is a fucking sarcastic line, - Hanks BRAVELY throws his performance and lets Sally Field win the comedy competition. That was the big ending. They should all be very proud of that piece of shit film.)

Anyway, back to this good one, Jonah Hill and Jason Shwartzman are pitch perfect as Ira’s insecure roommates. The clips from Jason’s NBC TV show “Yo, Teach” are priceless. And frighteningly real. Rounding out the cast – the girl who looks like UGLY BETTY who Ira wants to go out with but Schwartzman, in one of the best lines of the film, gets to first, is really good, if not terribly funny. But she sort of looks and gets the part. I just didn't really buy her as a comic in the Janine Garafalo mode.

Best of all, mostly, the jokes and the routines in this are pretty funny. Most movies about stand ups have them go out there and suck. Not true on SEINFELD and not true here. I actually laughed from the sets (which Apatow had the comic actors write on their own and then filmed them at places like The Improv.)

As Sandler gets worse from his blood disease, he and Ira get closer and this is also one of the most compelling things about this film, which does carry a touch of the Cameron Crowe vibe in the best way.

Not to reveal spoilers here, but allow me to say that the 2nd half of this very long film (I saw a version that was well over 2 hours) takes such a bizarre left turn that the movie – unfortunately – never really recovers. Ira and George go on the road to do some comedy and run into George’s ex – the one that got away (played admirably by Judd’s real life wife, Leslie Mann, an actress who’s done fine supporting work in some of his other films – but here is given too much, and a thankless role at that.) Eric Bana is also in this and while he’s very good, by the time the four of them are duking it out on the lawn – something has gone terribly awry in both the direction and writing and arc of this film.

I get it – Sandler doesn’t learn from his mistakes. But they get into that idea in such a clunky way that – it doesn’t work. And then the messes start piling up. The completely gratuitous scene in which Sandler throws a party and many current comics, actors and rap stars show up and then exchange in some really warmed over ENTOURAGE shit that wasn’t funny the first time around. Case in point: witness the complete bullshit of the Ray Romano/Eminem exchange. Suddenly this perceptive precise film is now presenting a party in which every comic is somehow ON or CLUELESS.

It kind of starts to suck and resemble a bad sitcom in its third leg. Massively disappointing and a true let down that it doesn’t just go down the path it started out on.

That said, the last 10 minutes tidy things up a bit and while I ultimately liked this movie a lot, and hey – sometimes interesting failures are way better than mediocre successes – but what makes this one sad to me is that this came SO CLOSE to being that great movie.

I still highly recommend it, but you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Grade: (with a heavy sigh): B + (based on the first half – but it could’ve been so much more.)

500 DAYS OF SUMMER (DVD)
A very fine, creative screenplay brings to life the story of two people who were probably never meant to be together. Joseph Gordon Levitt plays a greeting cards writer who hooks up with assistant SUMMER, played by Zooey Deschanel (great name) as the two get into a relationship that is at turns sweet and sour. The gimmick here is a good one – the film charts the relationship in 500 days but does so by picking certain days then moving to others – giving it a constant ebb and flow that might not have been so easy to take in a linear narrative.

Here’s the thing – I love Zooey as an actress. I fucking hated her character. She wanted her cake and to eat it, too. Meanwhile, Joey Gordon is reduced to playing the guy who has to go along with all of her madcap whims. And yet – he’d probably be happy doing that – but she won’t give him the one thing he wants – to admit she loves him and that they’re an actual couple, so some of the days are wonderous, some torturous, and some of the dialoge is so movie-centric cutesy that the entire audience is almost invited to cut their writs in unison.

The thing is, the whole setup is designed for you to not like her. The entire romance is played out from the male POV only, and while there are times when Levitt's character is a little insensitive, this is a guy's fuck you letter to some woman who he feels wronged by - it would be curious to see what her POV was but that's not the way this film goes down.

But it’s a good tortured romantic film, the two leads play their roles well and the movie – it’s just kind of frustrating and a bit overdone for my tastes. (Very rarely does a movie get the characters to do “testimonials” about life and have it work. Here – it does not.)

Also – look, I’m a guy, I’ve been in these relationship with the Ice Queen who doesn’t let you in – and those relationships always become all about her. And while this is something that happens often in life – watching it happen is like watching your worst most tortured relationships play out on screen – not that fun. My anxiety started to rise as soon as Zooey lets her mean freak flag fly all over Joey Gordon’s nice guy character who just wants a girlfriend – not a psychological pummeling.

And Zooey/Summer tries WAY too hard to be cute, quirky and funny. Way too hard. As does the film. But kudos to the innovative screenplay and the moments that work - they work really well.
Grade: C +

I THINK I MISSED mentioning TWO OF THE YEAR’S BEST MOVIES.
TYSON (great Tyson documentary that demands to be seen.)
TWO LOVERS

Here are some older reviews I’d never posted:
MY ANTIONIO (VH1)
Antonio seems like a nice, slightly brain damaged fella. The girls here are all hot, and all developmentally slow as well. Antionio’s mother…is one for the books. This show should be fun but somehow it’s….pretty much a bore. Antonio is a bit too serious and self important and like I said, slightly retarded - and the casting doesn’t really make for the kind of lunacy we expect from these types of shows. The presence of Antiono’s ex here is just kind of pathetic and on the mean side. I check out after episode #3.
Grade: D

DADDY’S GIRLS (MTV)
A spin off of RUNS HOUSE – which I’ve never seen. I accidently caught this and found it to be an overly scripted reality show that has no resemblance whatsoever to anything remotely real, or the least bit entertaining.
Grade: D –

BIG BROTHER (CBS)
Another casting nightmare, this usually great peep into the lives of strangers got bogged down in some of the cheesiest cast members since season 1. Another early check out.

TYSON (in theaters)
A must see. Mike Tyson is open, honest and candid – and often quite chilling. His remembrences of a misspent youth and friends who are gone is wrenching, and you havne’t quite lived till you’ve heard Tyson call the woman who sent him to prison (for rap) “that wretched, wretched woman.”
Grade: A

HOWARD TV – your love of this network, a pay cable channel available only on ON DEMAND is dependant upon your love of Stern. I’ve been a listener for over 25 years and show no signs of slowing down. Plus, this channel gets you all the stuff you missed, all the stuff you didn’t see on the original segment, original outrageous programming, and is frequently the funniest thing on TV. If you don’t have the radio show, this is a fantastic optional choice and if you have the radio show, this is a great addition.
Grade: A +

RENT FILMED LIVE ON BROADWAY FINAL NIGHT (DVD)
Maybe just for RENTHEADS, but for those of you who found the Christopher Columbus overblown RENT musical film much too much, this is a very proper way to view what RENT actually was. Unfortunately, the cast, while game, isn’t up to the originals singers who brought this to life. But they’re ok. If you want to see the superb, mostly original cast, you have to rent the overblown movie. If you want to see a great production of the stage play – presented here in its last night of life, rent this.
Grade: B +

UNDERBELLY (season 1)
Based on real events, this Australian import depicts the infamous Carlton Crew – all leading up to the Melbourne street wars. Sort of a less sentimental Sopranos without the sort of character work that show was known for, this is none the less a plot heavy, action packed mob show that is both addictive and satisfying with those with a sweet tooth for multi-storied mob sagas. The first season was a lot of fun and introduced some great characters to the mob show pantheon. I haven’t unveiled season 2 yet, but understand that it’s a prequel. Highly recommended. Choose the subtitles – they help with those thick accents.
Grade: B

JCVD (DVD)
Jean Claude Van Damme stars in the best movie he’s ever made – a crime/thriller/fantasy in which JCVD plays a version of himself caught up in a bank robbery. The plot thickens and Jean Claude gets into acting territory I never thought him capable of – and just a really great movie. Highly recommended.
B +

FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS (2nd season) HBO
Loved the first season. New season – not so much. Somehow everything that was so great for the first season somehow lost it’s sizzle in season….but always entertaining.
Grade: B -

MORE TO LOVE (abc)
Same ABC dating game deal – this time it’s with basically attractive fat people. But these shows have really all become a bore. There is nothing new here, though I suppose its nice to see some reality show that isn’t littered from head to toe with pretty people. The problem, I suspect, is that some of these overweight women are more phsychologically vulnerable than their perfect bodied counterparts on other shows – and I hope exposure on this show doesn’t hurt them more. Still, this is a very progressive effort on ABC’s part to shine a spotlight on the more “real” people – if you will.
Grade: A for effort.
Grade: C for execution.

TUPAC: RESSURECTION (VH1)
They rerun this a lot. It’s great – if you loved Tupac – you’d probably love this loving recreation of his life with his own words and tons of info and images. Tupac, we hardly knew ya’.
Grade: B

COM CENTRAL ROAST OF JOAN RIVERS (COM)Some sucked – some were ok – I don’t know. Jeff Ross was funny – Robin Quivers – whom I love dearly – was not. I remember Alan King being kind of inspired. I think the whole thing was ok – I don’t remember it much – which is not a great sign. I love Joan Rivers – I love these roasts – somehow this one didn’t live up to it’s usual hilarity. I think I sort of remember Gilbert Godfried being pretty funny. He always is.
Grade: B -

THE GREAT BUCK HOWARD(DVD)
Very fine film based on the life of KRESKIN the Magician (who appappeared on Letterman and Johnny Carson a billion times.) Colin Hanks is a law student who chucks it all to go on the road with Buck Henry and his dwindling audience. While I can’t superficially gush about it because frankly, I can’t remember the specific scenes here all that well, I just really liked the tone, the performances and the life lessons imparted to Hanks.
Grade: C +

THE BEATLES REMASTERS
Jimmy Kimmel recently said “there is nobody in the world that can tell the difference between the remasters and the old cds.” He’s pretty close. I’m an audiophile and I can tell you that in a side by side comparison – there is a hair more clarity in the new recordings, the mixes are just a tad punchier – a dallop louder. Maybe. If you don’t listen to them side by side – you probably can't hear the difference. And these “new” remasters sound a lot like the songs they put on the “NUMBER ONES” CD a few years ago. If you really want to experience the Beatles old songs with a truly unique mix – throw the George Martin mixed LOVE onto your 5.1 system – now that is the Beatles Remastered – but then again, never a bad reason to listen to the Beatles.

DECADES
I realized that my BEST (and some of the worst) OF THE DECADES LIST mostly consisted of films from 08’.

This week, I offer you the BEST and WORST in movies of 07’. Or – at least what I remember about it:

DECADES LIST 2007:
THERE WILL BE BLOOD (amazing opening – great film.)
MICHAEL CLAYTON (Clooney starts taking the right roles)
JUNO (which made a star out of everyone, particularly Diablo Cody)
I could not get through 8 minutes of AUSTRALIA!
I loved ALPHA DOG.
NORBIT was hateful and inept.
MUSIC AND LYRICS was charming.
BREACH was tense and terrific. Best husband of Reese Witherspoon performance ever.
RENO 911: MIAMI was funny in spots.
I could not bring myself to watch WILD HOGS. Nor will I bring myself to watch OLD DOGS. (I defy anyone to explain the OLD DOGS poster to me.)
I kind of liked BLACK SNAKE MOAN.
ZODIAC was way too long and not all that exciting.
I didn’t get into 300.
BLADES OF GLORY WAS A LITTLE FUNNIER than you’d expect.
THE LOOKOUT was pretty good.
GRINDHOUSE was fun, but QT’s segment was light years better than the Rodriguez chapter.
DISTURBIA was a bit better than it should’ve been, but Shia is no Tom Hanks.
I never saw SPIDERMAN 3.
Or I don’t remember it.
28 WEEKS LATER was a great zombie movie.
I don’t get the PIRATES movies – sorry.
KNOCKED UP knocked me out. One of the decade’s best.
HOSTEL PART II was a great sequel.
LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD sucked. It took all the charm of the original and made you hate the character.
HAIRSPRAY had a great opening number – don’t remember too much else.
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE should’ve been better.
HOT ROD was unwatchable.
UNDERDOG was detestable.
SUPERBAD was awesome.
ROB ZOMBIE’S HALLOWEEN was pretty cool.
EASTERN PROMISES was solid. Great bathroom fighting scene.
I still can’t get through THE DARJEELING LIMITED.
GONE BABY GONE was very well done and a startling good directing debut from Ben Affleck.
WALK HARD was hilarious.

REVIEWS FOR NEXT BLOG:

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM Season 6 (HBO)

DEXTER Season 4 (SHOWTIME)

SONS OF ANARCHY season 2 (FX)

JULIA & JULIA

THE HURT LOCKER

UP IN THE AIR

THE LOVELY BONES

DISTRICT 9

The last half hour of UP!

And more!

Thanks for stopping by.

The return of the couch! Decades edition. Sort of.

2009-12-12T10:01:00.000-08:00

Part 1.

I haven't seen all the year end films and probably won't - so this is a highly subjective and limited list. None the less, I've seen quite a few films.

In no particular order, here are some of the best things about 2009. And some of the worst. And some in between.

1.) PRECIOUS
It's really bleak. It's pretty dark and it was never meant to be ROCKY. But it's about the best drama I've seen in a long time with such originality that all of its ghetto cliches feel fresh and new. Based on a harrowing true story of a real girl growing up in Harlem in the 80s, precious features out of the box performances by its lead, Gabourey Sidibe as the young girl and as her mother, Monique gives a completely unexpected and lived in performance. Mariah Carrey is shockingly good in her two quick scenes and the direction is quite good, if a little outlandish in some of the quick fantasy sequences that feel completely out of place and amateurishly executed. That very minor quibble aside - this is a must see.

2.) WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
Completely original and wholly indescribable. The film, about the needs and yearnings of an aggressive young boy, quickly gets to a place where we are stuck for the rest of the movie. Initially it feels like a sentence. About 5 minutes later I realized I was literally in the mind of the boy and taken to a place in film I've never been before. The creatures are CGI marvels, James Gandolfini does some of his best work voicing the main puppet, and while I would not recommend this for kids at all - it's maybe one of the best kids films made for adults ever.

3.) PAUL BLART: MALL COP
Okay - not one of the year's best at all - but a far funnier film than it had a right to be. Kevin James can save almost any material and this had the feel of DIE HARD in a mall - and it all worked really well. I laughed out loud often. (not one of the year's best, just a great rental - but felt I should include this.)

4.) GOMORRAH
Unsentimental, hard, complicated to understand, and ultimately brilliant. Doing away with the kind of mob-sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS the best show ever, this slow burn of multi-story mob tales builds to an overall feeling that - loyalty doesn't mean shit.

5.) I LOVE YOU, MAN
The best Judd Apatow film not directed by Judd Apatow. Paul Rudd and Jason Siegal are just great as new found pals and the supporting cast, particularly Jon Favrau and Jamie Presley, do killer work in this likable comedy.

6.) THE GREAT BUCK HOWARD
Offbeat film that's supposedly about The Amazing Kreskin, I really enjoyed this. Colin Hanks is great and John Malchovich is perfect as the age-addled Buck Howard.

7.) CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE
Outrageous sequel to the outrageous and cult classic original - this film had no right to be funny, fresh and moving. Yet it was all those things. Way better than you'd think. And yes, it made no sense.

8.) TERMINATOR: SALVATION
Part 1 was great. T2 was probably one of the best of the genre. Part 3 sucked hard - this one almost fails to show up. The best thing this film produced was Christian Bale's outragous on set tirade at the sound man who kept stepping into frame during shooting: in fact, the following might be the best thing about 2009 (although - Tiger Woods was caught with 14 women right in time for Christmas) - in the meantime, enjoy one last jaunt through Mr. Bale's words:
...kick your fucking ass. I want you off the fucking set you prick. No, don't just be sorry, think for one fucking second. What the fuck are you doing? Are you professional or not? Do I fucking walk around and rip- no, shut the fuck up Bruce, do I-no! No! Don't shut me up. Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lighs down? In the middle of a scene? Then why the fuck are you walking right through? a-tada-tada like this in the background, what the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about- Hey! It's fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind bryce in the middle of the fucking scene. Gimme a fucking answer. What don't you get about it? ... fuck sake man you're amateur... you've got something to say to this prick? Well somebody's should be watching him and keeping an eye on him. It's the second time that he doesn't give a fuck about what is going on in front of the camera. Alright? I'm trying to fucking do a scene here and I'm going why the fuck is Shane walking in there? What is he doing there? Do you understand? My mind is not in the scene if you're doing that. Stay off the fucking set man, for fuck's set. Right let's go again. Let's not take a fucking minute, let's go again. And let's not have you fucking walking in... You're unbelievable man, you're un-fucking-believable. The number of times you stroll in the fucking background. I've never had a DP behave like this. You don't fucking understand what its like working with actors. That's what that is. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. You wouldn't have done that otherwise. I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass if you don't shut up for a second, alright? I'm gonna go, do you want me to go and trash your lights? Do you want me to fucking trash them? Then why are you trashing my scene? You do it one more time, and I wain't walking back to set if you're still hired... seriously man - you and me, we're fucking done professionally.... fucking ass.

How fucking great is that? If I could live, breathe and work in that - I would. It's that good.

Fucking amateur.

The movie itself was really rubbish, though. A true waste of time.

9.) UP
I have the last half hour to go on this, and aside from the amazing first 20 minutes which show a life, a marriage and a death with unbelievable poetry and wisdom, I never got into the rest of this Pixar film the way some did. Sorry. I didn't really get this one.

10) THE HANGOVER
Kinda funny, but very overrated.

11.) LAND OF THE LOST
Had its moments, but considering the amazing source material - this could've been the best super specific spoof in the world or the coolest action movie ever. Instead, it was a middling Will Ferrel comedy that was saved occasionally by some crude humor courtesy of the always hilarious Danny McBride.

12.) PUBLIC ENEMIES
Considering the director and the star, this was a massive one-note disappointment.

13.) DISTRICT 9
One of the year's best and one of the more unique movies in the sci-fi category. Starts as a documentary then casually morphs into a straight narrative. The special effects are very special and the metaphors actually work the relationship between the two leads was both moving and original.

14.) INGLORIOUS BASTERDS
QT honestly did it again. I would say one of his best, but then - he's only made about 6 films and they're all spectacular. Even JACKIE BROWN, originally kind of dissed in its theatrical release, is amazing if you go back and look at it. I even really liked DEATH PROOF, though that may be the least of his efforts. But getting back to BASTARDS, the cast is great, particularly the Jew Hunter, Brad Pitt is perfect and the last sequence between the theatre owner and the star of the faux film - haunting. The finale is one of the best 15 minutes of 2009. One of the years, and decades, very best. It exists as both a great war film, and firmly a Tarantino film.

15.) THE INFORMANT!
Really good, if not great. But really good. Matt Damon , howeer, is great.

16.) ZOMBIELAND
I love zombie movies and was hoping for more pathos in this - but it remained mostly a comedy throughout and as that, worked just fine. I just felt it could've been so much more. They just announced a 3-D sequel - that should be fun.

17.) THE BLIND SIDE
Like Hilary Swank before her, Sandra Bullock bravely plays a white woman who feels a compassionate need to help a needy young black man. Only this movie, with all its white guilt cliches, is written and directed so well that it all works. And Bullock, who really has found a way to step up her acting game in this film. is pitch perfect. Based on a true story, this is way better than I ever thought it could be.

Ok, so - I promised 10, gave you 17 - and I still have many films to watch.

This is the first part of my year end series and will do a few blogs with the rest of the notable 2009 releases along with my best picks for tv of the year, the year in music, and then I will really fuck up the best of the decade list.

In the meantime, here are some of the best of the decade films:
THE WRESTLER (not just a Mickey Rourke comeback but a great film all on its own)
THE DARK KNIGHT (superhero masterpiece)
WALL.E
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (unrated version - one of my very favorites)
TOWELHEAD (very dark, very good - maybe not a decade best, but one of the years best.)
ROLE MODELS (maybe not best of the decade - but pretty awesome.)

Stay tuned for part 2.

Andy Samberg, Michael Jackson and The Real World

2009-09-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

There is a backlog of things I need to review – so, these are going to be a bit older for a while – but I’ll eventually catch up.

HOT ROD (HBO)
I love Andy Samberg. That said - this is fucking awful.
Grade: D -

MICHAEL JACKSON: STRIPPED PERFORMANCES (ITUNES)
Right after MJ died Mowtown cynically took his most known performances and “stripped” them down to the vocals and bass. As opportunistic as this is – it’s a fantastic disc that highlights the young MJ’s voice to perfection.
Grade: A

CREEPSHOW 2 (HBO)
CREEPSHOW 1 began a partnership between George A. Romero and Stephen King that lasted 12 years, took much of their time and energies, and yielded exactly ONE good film – CREEPSHOW. They then went on to collaborate on about 34 other really shitty projects. (BRUISER anyone?) CREEPSHOW 2, like all of their post CREEPSHOW efforts, is mediocre at best. But of the 34 shitty projects, one of the better ones.
Grade: C -

PUBLIC ENEMY (IN THEATERS)
Depp is game and the shot on video look works in this period piece – but the script never takes flight, the romance doesn’t work at all, and we don’t care about any of these people. As good as Depp is, he never makes us relate to the famous bank robber. Michael Mann can be an expert filmmaker – here he’s just dull.
Grade: C

STASH (STRAIGHT to DVD)
Unwatchable.
F

RECOUNT (HBO)
Great HBO docu-drama about the voting process that showed itself to be insanely flawed during the Bush-Gore face off. If 10 percent of this film is true, the procedures used to count votes are reprehensible. The acting here, is superb. Particularly Kevin Spacey and Dennis Leary.
Grade: B +

REAL WORLD: CANCUN (MTV)
What a season of hookups, threesomes and that certain insanity that only 20 somethings can bring. The REAL WORLD is probably still one of the very best reality shows on tv – as it doesn’t waste time with a stupid competition – it just plays more like a fly on the wall as these seemingly nice people eventually plot to destroy each other. Speaking of which – While the Joey/Aaiya hook up was a surprise – the 3some involving Aiya, Pat, and the hot girl whose name I can’t remember but who showed up with a boyfriend and ended up fucking almost everyone in Cancun – that was a shocker. That girl whose name I can’t think of – she’s really a piece of work. And of course – great TV.
Grade: B

You're F..ing out - I'm F... in!

2009-08-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE! (abc)
Last night's Jake Byrd segment was insanely funny. Check it out on youtube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FPIMMTx6n4
(sorry - don't know how to make this link hot - but cut and paste - this is that funny.)

DATELINE: THE TAKING OF PATTY HEARST (NBC)
Great new docu on the forever fascinating kidnapping of Patty Hearst by the ASL. I’ve never drawn a real conclusion as to what went on there but this hour provided lots of new insight. It's also a story I somehow can't get enough of.
Grade: B

DRIVEN (HBO)
Sly Stallone and Burt Reynolds – written by Sly and Directed by Renny Halan. An older race car driver (stallone) is called out of retirement by his old boss (Burt Reynolds) to stage a comeback on the road.
Written by Stallone.
Directed by Renny Harlen.
Grade: F

AMERICAN TEEN (DVD – Paramount)
Simply the best documentary I’ve seen in forever and the kids are pretty real, smart, straightforward, insecure, self hating and unforgettable. A home run.
Grade: A +

PRIMETIME: THE JACKSONS AFTER MICHAEL (ABC)
AND ALL OTHER VARIOUS JACKSON SPECIALS
I felt bad when I heard about MJ. We share the same b-day (aug 29) and I always felt close to him in some weird way because of that. During the 80s there was no bigger MJ fan than I – I can perfectly moonwalk (I swear.) At this point - there is nothing left to say. Joe Jackson is criminally scary - his mom seems weird - Debbie Rowe is out of her mind - Tito seems criminally stupid "Michael fathered those kids - look in their eyes - that's Michael in their eyes - Eyes don't lie..." But for whatever its worth - the 2 weeks that followed his death I could not get enough of his old CDs. God only knows what he did with those kids - and in death he really achieved something he could never obtain while alive - a bona fide comeback.

PARIS HILTON’S NEW BFF (MTV)
Insanly bad and yet…deliciously good. The premise is so retarded – Paris is so thick – yet someone it works….somehow.
Grade: C –

THE X FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (HBO)
Much better than the reviews had suggested – this was not some big sweeping mythology baiting swan song, but rather an intriguing follow up to the lame duck final episode which had a whole 2 hours of Mulder being taken to court by the FBI over his findings (it was a ridiculously bad ending and completely anti-climactic which put Mulder on the run from the FBI for the rest of his life – it was that bad.) This film handily makes up for the finale’s bullshit and jumps right back into the fray with our favorite subject – Mulder and Scully – it picks up reasonably where the finale left off – it has a so-so X-Files case involving Billy Connolly (only Chris Carter - famous purvert and porn addict - would posit a child molester as his hero - seriously) but it actually does further all the arcs and relationships and includes quite a few sweet surprises for long time X fans. This is not a great movie, but rather a really tasty follow up to a series that had seen its better days long before that final hour rolled. Reccomendded for completists and X fans alike – and for the record – they could make a few more of these and I’d be happy to watch them.

There is still a lot of life left in this franchise, and while I enjoy watching Duchovny get his freak on in CALIFORNICATION, this is clearly the best role he’ll ever have and his chemistry with Gillian Anderson remains a high point in this. I thought the ending could have put a wrap on the entire series as they could've realized this might be their final bow, but frankly, it does not go quite far enough in putting this to bed. I hope there's another one - with a better stand alone story.
Grade: B

PAULA ABDUL NOT ON IDOL?
Say it isn’t so. Though I’ve attacked her many times in this very blog, I’ve come to appreciate her insane brand of criticism and her unpredictable medically prescribed moments of insanity. Basically, she puts on a freak show that we all love watching – without her – it’s just Simon’s trenchant words that mean anything – the new girl Karla is bright but as for the show – she stinks – and Randy is as useless as always, dawg. Simon and Paula have the real chemistry here (and Simon and Ryan – interestingly enough) – and if I were Paula I’d recognize that this is home – take the money and make a drug induced run.

UPDATE: It's official - she's gone. It was fun while it lasted. Be prepared for a few really bad Paula driven competition shows.

MEAGAN WANTS A MILLIONAIRE (vh1)
Meagan is a beautiful and wretched presense. The men here are kind of pathetic and hilarious. Sounds like another winner. The ultimate problem is that of any great movie – Meagan is a great foil but not somebody we care at all about.
Grade: C -

LOLITA (68’ Stanley Kubrick Version)
I really liked this movie. I’d never seen it before – nor the remake, nor read the book. From what I have heard, the book is great and this film could not at the time really portray what was going on in the book. The funny thing is – it works to Kubrick’s advantage – in a weird way – the less he said – the more salacious the impliciation. In fact, by the time this hits the half-way mark, we believe that debauchery is going on that might not even be intended.

That said – there are some problems here – “Lolita” was cast to be not all that young – in the book she was 13 – here she’s cusping 17 and looks quite womanly – although it still works – just does not come off quite as scandalous. I also have to say – I had the entire Peter Sellers character quite wrong – although – even though it was a big reveal – (no spoilers) – there were aspects of it that did not really play out. Still, this is a very sturdy movie with a killer lead performance by James Mason, unafraid to take the role after half of Hollywood had turned it down.
Grade: B +

BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke goes green! C’mon Guys!
Grade: F

RESCUE ME (FX)
Winding down from a VERY high wire and ambitious season with a spate of episodes that seem like after thoughts. This has been such a good season I hope they are planning some big time stuff for the final few eps. Either way, this has been a great year for a 5 year old show that I look forward to coming back again. This was their make it or break it year and they made it – I just hope that they shake off the 22 episode fatigue and go out of season 5 in as much style as they came into it.
Grade: B +

TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
No human nature truth telling, no real life lesssons, just good old fashioned vampire yarns in a creepy, swampy town. And now with its most recents twists – this is better than ever. Sunday's episode was INSANE.
Grade: A +

THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE (DVD)
Yet another example of a film so bad, it’s delicious. Paris Hilton gives this her best shot – which is to say – she’s incompressible bad in this incomprehensibly plotted out film. The actress playing the “nottie” is really the best thing about this – and by HOTTIE – they mean Paris – playing an even dumber version of her public persona, and THE NOTTIE – is CLEARLY beautiful in a film beset by truly tragic lighting and direction problems – in which THE NOTTIE sometimes looks beautiful (her 3rd grade prostetichs don’t really hold the illusion that she’s ugly up very well.)

There are some ok actors in this – the story does have some kind of arc – but this is all very ridiculous – and perfect for a lazy Sunday with popcorn if you’re in the mood for a flim with 100 percent unintentional laughs. My favorite bit has to do with the Nottie – who at the beginning of the film is balding – gets a treatment at a spa and walks out with the nicest head of hair ever seen in the movies. The explanation – they slipped her a little Rogaine at her one hour treatment and it transformed her hair.

It’s that kind of shoddy research (P. Hilton was a producer on this – HUUUUGE), along with the male lead coming to yoga class in tight jeans – which, by the way – nobody batted an eyelash at – that makes this film so sinfully good.

I watched it with one of my best friends in July and we’re still laughing about it. As a real movie – don’t go near it. As something to make fun of and laugh at - highly recommended.
Grade: A/F

EASTBOUND & DOWN (HBO)
I recently caught up with all 6 original HBO eps and I’m convinced this was the comedy event of the tv season. Amazing – and about as funny as television gets – Kenny Powers – you are fucking in. And the guy that plays Stevie – he’s a miracle and maybe the most originally weird character ever in the history of a tv show. And as for April, Power’s ex – enchanting. The rest of the cast is every bit as rock solid and this series, thus far, is one for the record books. Never before have I rooted so hard for such an insane and messed up in every possible way protagonist. One of my favorite lines “I’m in the autumn of my youth and I would just like some peace, quiet and a warm glass of wine.”
Grade: A+

RANDOM FLIPPINGS:
Jay Mohr doing his Chris Walken impression on RACHEL RAY - I did not see the actual impressions - I just saw Mohr with that stupid fucking grin and Rachel say "We're here with Jay Mohr, Chris Walken and Tracey Jordan! (Tracey Jordan is now the go-to impression for no-talents who can't really do impressions) - Jay Mohr is on it!...

Zach uncovering a MURDERER by taking off the person's wig and revealing them to be a man on SAVED BY THE BELL...

The entire new season of BIG BROTHER kind of sucks....these might be the cheeziest characters ever - the fact that they are real people is almost disturbing...

Check out the latest Noel Gallaher (one half of Oasis) club shows on YOUTUBE...

Also check out thhe 2009 PROMS version of NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU on YOUTUBE - Sinead O'Conner gained 30 pounds, a full head of hair and still sings like an angel...

RIP MJ, FARRAH and ED. America's Got Nothin'!

2009-06-27T23:41:00.000-07:00

This is seriuosly behind - I had a guest staying with me in July and then got busy so - while I apologize for the un-timeliness of these reviews - thank goodness I've finally published so you can actually read my thoughtful gems.

AMERICA'S GOT TALENT! (NBC)
Wow - after the Susan Boyle thing blew up here in the states with her famous YOUTUBE clip - NBC must be absolutely convinced that this show is going to blow up here in the states.

I don't think so.

First of all - We like singing competitions - but I don't think we collectively like the oddball talent show quite as much. I like Piers Morgan, I like Sharon Osbourn - but who lit a fire under Hasslehoff's ass this year? He has really taken to being the "Simon" of the group - whereas everybody might love an act - Hasslehoff will say "Now wait a minute - I have a problem. This is for a million dollars - are people really...." and then he looks at the crowd and generally bows to whatever they tell him to do - in other words - he's no Simon.

Just a pathetic shchill who really - I mean - for God's sakes - this is truly the last man in the WORLD you need judging talent. His opinions are as ill fitting as his awesomely bad attire. A total moron - and thank God he's there because without him this would really be boring. But let's move on to the absolute MOST troubling new aspect of this show: Nick Fucking Cannon.

Trying to ape the British formula all the way down to the MC's cutaway reactions - now - in the middle of the acts and the critics - they keep cutting to Nick, who says retarded one-liners like "what am I supposed to do with that" or "Man, we got no talent!" I mean - he's about as bad a host as you can dig up. Truly awful and even more embarresssing than the Hoff - which is pretty embarressing.

I don't know who was on - I can't remember one act. I get it but - I'd simply prefer to wait for Idol than see dudes who juggle fire and Hoff playing to the crowd while they cut away to Nick Cannon doing a poor man's LAUGH IN. Why are we supposed to like Nick Cannon again?
Grade: D -

UPDATE: Blah. I checked out. Even worse.

KATHERINE HEIGEL
on Leterman, Kimmel, etc...
Appears to be a full-on overly entitled monster.
She must be stopped.
Blech.

SICKO (SHOWTIME)
If 1/3 of this is true - then we have the most shameful system of health care ever. It's depressing as Moore trots out professionals in the medical/insurance biz to admit that part of their job was to save money even if it meant people needlessly died. It's an important film and doesn't really offer much in the way of answers - just presents a very ugly problem.
Grade: B

TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Watching the new eps - fucking great. I love this show. Sex, drugs, vampires, sex, gore, vampires - and most of all - really fresh storytelling - I fucking love this. HBO has a serious winner here.
Grade: A

UPDATE: Better than ever - I love this show. Even more than in my other review.

UPDATE: Better than above.

BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke was on a yacht, B—ch! Yes, In one of the absolute rock bottom moments in reality television – or one of the best - depending upon how you look at such things - Brooke’s roommate – and I have to say – in one of the most insanely overly scripted produced and acted half hours in the “reality” biz history – so Brooke’s roommate takes some money from a shady Persian dude for an appearance from her and Brooke on his yacht.

Brooke warns her that it sounds shady but they need the money – so they go – and it quickly turns into a nightmare as these guys seem interested in some kind of rape scenario – gently suggested by VH1 by having one of the guys grab the roommate and smack her on the ass. Ok, enough is enough. At one point they even lock themselves in the room while the Persians are breaking down the door and saying cheesy scripted lines like “Don’t play hard to get!”

Then Brooke and the roommate – in a cliffhanger no less – escape at port to the Bahamas – with no money – what are the going to do, guys!!!!!

Ok – listen – in order to enjoy that you have suspend disbelief entirely. Most girls don’t get lured into a situation like that with a massive camera crew and set up shots. This played like a very bad ABC afterschool special – this show is so bad in fact – it’s maybe the best ever. I don’t know what to say but it’s reached a level of badness that you kind of have to watch.
Grade F/A

UPDATE: It's gotten to spectacular/bad to mostly bad/bad.
Too bad.

GOMORRAH (DVD)
A completely unsentimental journey into the real mafia in Italy with scary, documentary vibe. It's a modern epic crime and the nature of organized crime and loyalty based on a series of articles written in Italy. This is the anti-Sopranos – people get whacked and loyalty is not rewarded and nobody gives a moments hesitation to the carnage. It’s sort of too big and ambitious to really start reviewing every storyline - but it’s one of the best of the year. If you like mob movies – and are ready for something completely devoid of the type of sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS great – the coldness here works like a charm and you cannot help but be mesmerized by the dizzying high wire direction and the ambitious scope of this story. Mafia drama at its very finest.
Grade: A

I know it got good reviews, but I didn’t really get into the new Eminem CD. I did however – strangely enough – enjoy the PRISON BREAK soundtrack recently released – if you’re into the now defunct show – and I was – it’s a mini-masterpiece of tense music to break out of prisons to.

MOOLA (HBO)
An unwatchable mess about…money…or something? With the guy that plays Ethan on LOST and Daniel Baldwin – completely unwatchable. I watched for 40 minutes and had no idea what the fuck was going on.
Grade: F

UNDERDOG (HBO)
A much bigger mess – this time with Jim Belushi. I loved the cartoon – one of my all time favorites. This movie is one of the all time worst – live action and – I can’t even explain how very bad it is. With a score that rips off BATMAN (the Danny Elfman version) and a farting underdog who jokes mostly about his own farts – this is truly an abomination.
Grade: F -

DECEPTION (SHOWTIME) (SPOILER ALERT - I REVEAL THE ENDING)
Another fucking mess – although at least this one has its moments (mostly in the first half hour.) Hugh Jackman plays a conman with a plot too complex to recount and also - it ultimately makes no sense. However, the sex club scam idea is initialy ingenius - and it's the sole original idea in this otherwise god awful movie. The first half hour is sort of intriguing, though. Ewen McGregor also stars in this piece of shit. If you're planning on seeing it - let me save you the trouble. Ewen McGregor is the shy victim who can't get laid in the beginning - and Hugh Jackman plays a guy that only exists in bad movies who gets Ewen laid - than takes advantage of him for some weird reason involving money - then Ewen ultimately discovers that if he cuts his hair and gets a cool jacket - he'll look hot and can fuck anyone he wants.

I swear that's basically this movie.
Grade; D -

The new CAT STEVENS CD – YUSEF is the name he goes by now – is called ROADSLINGER and sounds a lot like old Cat Stevens. Highly recommended – much better than last year’s ANOTHER CUP.

MTV AWARDS (MTV)
The Ben Stiller Tribute was pretty funny. Hayden Pantiere was useless. Miley Cyrus did something or other. She's cute and all - but who told her she was hilariously funny? Why does all her stuff involve her being "hilarious?" She's really not. The Bruno gag with Eminem I guess was funny but scripted. That lovely version of DICK IN A BOX sounded a lot funnier in theory than it did on TV.

But – the real star of the evening was Andy Samberg – who I’m kind of growing to love. He’s the best host they’ve had in ages – did a hilarious parody called “Cool guys don’t look at explosions” and the whole show was far better in general than its been in years – and a huge part of that was Samberg. Check out COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS on YOUTUBE - while you're at it, check out Samberg's MOTHERLOVER unsencored as well on YOUTUBE - I'd link you to it but I simply don't know how.
Grade: B

DAY OF THE DEAD 2008 REMAKE (DVD)
I’m a huge fan of the original Romero DEAD trilogy – Night, Dawn and Day. More than a fan actually - more like a super fan. Day is probably the worst of the three but still pretty damn good. And it gets better with age. Coming off the amazing DAWN - DAY had a tough task and also - had its budget slashed by over half when Romero would not buckle and deliver an R rating (he preferred the unrated ultra gore version - so he had to scale back and deliver a sliver of his original script - a masterpiece by the way (you can read it on DREWS MEAT AND POTATOES site.

While DAY was the least of the three - comparing it to LAND OF THE DEAD OR DIARY OF THE DEAD is like comparing RETURN OF THE JEDI - the least of the original trilogy - to any one of the new, shitty films. Yes - all three new films - each shittier than the one before it.

In fact, most DEAD fans consider the news that Romero is now helming another one – the new Romero DEAD films are sort of like the new STAR WARS. That bad. That said – all of them seem like Shakespeare compared to this ill conceived and badly executed remake. Departing completely from the original story – this concerns – I don’t know – the army and a bunch of zombies. Mena Suveri is so bad in this – I thought I was watching a bad SNL sketch. She is...just so bad you can't believe it - it's as though - as good as she was in AMERICAN BEAUTY - it's like THAT CHARACTER became a bad actress and got this film. Every bit as bad (possibly even worse) is the generally useless Nick Cannon – who seems to have two expressions – and they both look stupid. Directed by Steve Minor – who is a bad horror movie director veteran (He helmed the original FRIDAY and the HALLOWEEN H20 remake) – this is about as bad as it gets. Even the zombie action is badly computer generated and the storylines and just about everything else in here was offensively awful.
Grade: F

MARLEY & ME (DVD)
I loved the book - one of my very favorites. The movie - not so much. Owen Wilson is perfect as dad - but the film itself goes out of its way to clean up the real life messiness of the book. Jennifer Aniston is nothing mnre than a shrew - and despite all this - the last half hour works like a charm.
Grade: C +

I know I'm going back a few weeks - but I simply love YA YA on KIMMEL LIVE! and the bit with the President's dog giving a ghetto handshake was really funny. And a few weeks ago both a skinnier Artie Lange(!) and a still chunky Danny McBride stopped by - both were killer.

SNL: JUST SHORTS (NBC)
Hilarious collection of the DIGITAL SHORTS that have become the shining spot on most SNL episodes – needless to say, Andy Samberg was front and center – hosting and presenting some of his own best work. The digital shorts have quite revitalized this entire franchise and as much as I was initially annoyed with the show seeming to shove Samberg down our throats – his talent won out – he’s a hilarious, awesomely creative dude and my hat is way off to him. Also here were some classics like Eddie Murphy’s brilliant “WHITE LIKE ME” and some other great stuff. Very sad that they showed just the beginning of SEINFELD IN OZ – which was one of my favorites but only got short thrift here.
Grade: A -

SNL: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE (NBC)
Justin was okay – but once again – the show came to life with a GREAT instant classic digital short called MOTHER LOVER. If you haven’t seen it – YOUTUBE it – it’s da bomb.
Episode: C –
MOTHER LOVER - A

SNL: LOST & FOUND IN THE 80s (DVD)
Lof of SNL stuff this week. Moving on, this happened to show up in my Netflix que and turned out be a sort of part 2 of SNL: THE FIRST FIVE YEARS. This one covers the 80s and there is another one that picks up the story in the 90s (which I have to see next.) I gotta say – I’m somebody who has always had a pretty reasonable fascination with SNL – it’s one of the few shows that is garunteed every few years to produce a gaggle of real stars and people that will be relevant in comedy for the next 10 years – and even during the bad episodes there is always something funny. Anyway – this is a GREAT document about the 80s – if a bit out of order (they never really reconcile the seasons, nor admit just how fucking bad Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. were – even though the great Lorne Michaels brought them in when he was asked to come back and run the show after a 4 year absence.) I’ve always been blown away by that one magnificent season that had Billy Crystal, Chris Guest and Martin Short – and then the very next season they all left. That was crazy – and a phenomical season it was. In recent years, Crystal has shown just no evidence at all of ever being funny – so if you doubt that it ever happened – like it was maybe a myth (he’s that showbiz-cringey character now) – check out how funny he was here. (And in SOAP for that matter.) Anyway – the show is very frank about things that went on – a lot about Eddie Murphy – a pumped up slightly deluded Joe Piscopo shows up to talk about his buddy “The Murph” (Yikes) and if you have any interest in this show – this is a must see. Also included on the disc is about another hour of well produced docu not seen on the original NBC telecast.
Grade: A

THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK (SHOWTIME)
Laughable 70s pic starring a mugging Al Pacino as a heroin addict – even more hilarious than it sounds, and a small warning about the monster ham Pacino would later become. Hoo ha!
Grade: C + (I love bad movies)

Wall-E (DVD)
The story kind of moves away from Wall-E towards the end – but overall – this is one of the best Pixar films I’ve ever seen. The first 20 minutes which plays as a silent film with Wall-E basically taking the Buster Keaton role – is truly a marvel. I loved this movie.
Grade: A

THE GOODE FAMILY (FOX)
Very bad. And not in a good way.

Cousin Sal from KIMMEL LIVE! Made his Howard Stern radio debut a few weeks ago with cousin Jimmy and they killed.

How funny is Norm McDonald? He's been killing in everything he's done lately - most recently LETTERMAN and a guest shot on SNL reprising his BURT REYNOLDS for JEAPARDY.

I kind of love all the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT videos - but JESUS is that show overproduced! My God - the segments come complete with their own soundtrack - a billion reaction shots from the two douche bags behind the stage, a segment finishing song – I mean, what the what????

They are remaking one of all time favorite horror films from the 80s – MOTHER’S DAY. Since it’s such a sick and twisted film – and probably the ONLY film to EVER come out of the TROMA TEAM that was actually a “serious” horror film – I can only imagine the damage they will inflict upon it. However – I wish I could see it tomorrow.

24 (FOX)
Some of these reviews are really late – what can I say? Read the really late ones as an after thought – but I have a DVR and I use it. Anyway – great season, loved the Almeda stuff – the Bill stuff – thought it kind of slowed down in the last batch of eps and didn’t love the stuff with his daughter and the risky operation that we know is no risk – but coming off season 6 – season 7 renewed the entire franchise, poked fun at itself in a way that did not wink to the audience, and I hope this show continues.
Season Grade: A –

PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Wow. It’s over. What a crazy, insane four year run Year one was almost like a normal series –year 2 dealt with the aftermath, year 3 was insanely stuck inside a prison that literally resembled the bowels of hell – and season 4 boasted one of their most ludicrous plots yet. Why did this show work so well? How do I count the ways…Wentworth as Michael Scofield was the awesome lead and moral compass, Linc his dumber brother – but who always smartened up when it counted – the great guests of seasons past (Gretchen, Kellerman) – there are no words for the brilliance of the T-Bag character, the sliminess of Michael Rappaport’s character – and frankly – William Fitcher routinely stole the show and became maybe the greatest character on there. Best of all – even though the season went a little bit off the rails at times – it wrapped things up in such a satisfying way that it will have forever secured its legacy in the pantheon of memorable action shows. This show was a little more memorable than most – and the 2 hour finale rocked the fucking house.
Overall Grade: A +

Spaulding Grey’s MONSTER IN A BOX (DVD)
A lot more overproduced and corny than I had remembered it.
Grade: C +

WEST SIDE STORY (CABLE)
I finally saw this for the first time – and all the great things I’d heard about it – they were mostly right. Although for pure spectacle – nothing beats the first 15 minutes.
Grade:B +

THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (NBC)
I don’t remember if I reviewed the last installment or not – but I do know that I loved it, loved Joan, loved the tension – and think that of all the celeb installments – this war between Joan and Annie was a remarkable high bench mark the series will probably never hit again.

AMERICAN IDOL FINALE (FOX)
This has been reviewed too much – but real quick – the Queen and Kiss stuff was great, Cyndi Lapuer’s TIME AFTER TIME with Allison was amazing – yeah, Lambert should’ve won by a mile – but if we are paying attention to tradition – he will go on to have a much bigger career than the likable but bland Kriss Alan. Probably better that Lambert didn’t win as he’ll have a bit more freedom to do his own thing. I think Adam will end up as one of the real Idol winners to go on and have a Kelly/Carrie type of career – he’s that goddamned great.
For what its worth – here’s my choice of best moments of the season:
Danny Gokey:
What Hurts The Most, Hero
Allison:
You can’t Make Me love you
Kris Allen:
She works hard for the money, Falling, Heartless
Matt:
Part Time Lover
Adam Lambert:
Tracks of my Tears, If I can’t Have you, Mad World, too many to count, actually – the fucker is great.

THE DIGITAL COUCH is going on vacation!

(not really – staying in my apartment – but have plans for the next few weeks.)

See you guys in August.

Courage.

YOGURTLAND RULES.

2009-06-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

CELEBRITY PASSWORD (NBC)
I caught some of Jamie Kennedy and Norm McDonald’s episode. Norm was great and smart – getting most of the answers and giving great clues. Kennedy completely fell apart and told a story about how he recently hurt his leg on the street and people wouldn’t help him because they all thought hidden cameras were around and that it was a goof. Okay – there are many things wrong with this story: that show was I THINK in the mid-90s – and while it was one of the better hidden cam shows – it’s at least been ten years. Jamie Kennedy – I don’t know what’s wrong with you – but you are annoying, sir. And you are a big fat LIAR! Now – Norm McDonald seems funnier than ever and more comfortable in his skin these days based on his apparent new ease with performing. He’s killed on a host of talk shows recently and I’m a huge fan. Regis, as always, makes a fine host.
Grade: B -

BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke knows nothing. Her show sucks. The only thing we’re really interested in is the juicy shit going on in the Hogan’s lives – not these insanely scripted and laugh-track contrived plotlines they follow. The episode that featured Brooke on a….EEEKKKK!! a lesbian date!!!! "Oh my God, guys!!!!" That ep proved to be both retarded, insulting and unbelievably homophobic at the same time. Although Brooke learned at the end that some people ARE GAY and THAT’S OKAY. This was like a really bad episode of a government funded program from the mid 70s. Fucking bad.
Grade: F -

SHOWBIZ TONITE (CNN)
Not sure if I got the channel right – but since this was on a news channel – I incorrectly assumed it would have some more legitimacy than Entertainment Tonight – boy, was I off. It makes TMZ seem like NIGHTLINE. The episode I watched devoted a full half hour to their biggest breaking story in months – Jennifer Aniston went on some show and joked about her love life, comparing her love life to her movie titles! And they thought this was coragious, hilarious, endearing, surprising, shocking – they organized an entire panel of experts to discuss the routine, Jen’s life – her gift for satire and comedy – then they went beyond the panel to "experts" to really try and figure out what this routine meant in the bigger picture (nothing.) Although the panal was completely knocked on their asses by this crazy Hollywood development. I repeat - the story was Anniston joked about her love life. They treated this like the story of the decade. Okay, never mind that Anniston is generaly annoying, has a terrible love life because she will only date big time celebs - that is her perogative. Showbiz tonight devoted 3 episodes to this story. And why shouldn't they. SHOWBIZ TONIGHT! is the worst – but in its own insane way – maybe it’s also the best?
Grade: A/F

I'M A CELEBRITY - GET ME OUT OF HERE! (ABC)Spenser Pratt - mean spirited, weird, confrontational – and compellingly good television. He really is the guy you love to hate – though I suspect while he might not have a clue to this – I don’t think the young man has any self-awareness to sit back and appreciate any of this – I think rather he’s found a way to capitalize on who he is – but I don’t think there is a “real” Spenser – I think he’s created this strange persona for himself and that’s just the life he lives. And while you can’t help but hate him as you watch him – and not just for his meanness. For his bad jokes. For his idiotic remarks. For his insane arrogance. Sheer stupidity. For asking Jesus for a double date with Miley Cyrus and then being arrogant about his connection to God when he got it. Yet – the boy is entertaining – I give him that. Much more so than his wife, who's a real bore. Torrie Wilson isn’t very interesting – Jon Solley seems like a nice guy. The two funny girls from BEST WEEK EVER look like they’re about to have a heart attack between every commercial break. Lou Diamond Phillips is WAY too happy to be there. He’s taking this as seriously as a heart attack. The Baldwin brothers are pretty goofy. Daniel is out of his mind. Lastly – after Speidi left for good – the show settled comfortably into what most reality shows often become – a plea for all the world to get Janice Dickkinson into rehab fast – the woman is so far out of her mind I don’t believe she can ever make it back. Somehow I find her more offensive and vulgar than Spenser Pratt – maybe because unlike those clueless kids – she’s a knowing fame whore who says things like “I dated RAMBO, okay – and he’s no Rambo.” (She has to remind everyone she dated Stallone (who called her evil) for a month in the mid 90s. She’s clearly on drugs and/or out her mind from drugs – and she’s a racist and she’s just so horrible – yet again – without her – who would we care to watch on this show. One last note – I like Sanjaya – I think he’s the most unpretentious kid there – and he rocks a Mohawk better than anyone since Mr. T. And he's sweet. If anyone wins – I hope its him.
Grade: B –

Oh, by the way – those two people who host the show – complete tools. He’s a disturbing clone of a puffy Leo DiCaprio – and a complete tool. And she’s an idiot and their banter goes over like a lead balloon. And with every episode - they get more confident and more annoying to watch.

UPDATE: I’ve watched a few – I'm bailing. It takes FOREVER to vote someone out – there are far too many episodes, I fucking HATE Janice – I think she’s a retarded junkie and I’m not kidding about the junkie part. And I don’t actually think she’s retarded – I think she’s just plain fucked up and mean. I love Lou Diamond – I love Sanjaya – I really like Heidi’s sister who’s on the show now. The biggest surprise is how much I like Patty Govoyivich, the wife of the disgraced politician. I don’t know if he’s innocent or guilty – it seems like he is but she is really is his best advocate – talking passionately about him and his innocence and also seeming like one of the realest down to earth good people connected to politics. There is nothing fake about Patty and she is a much better mouth piece for them then her wild eyed husband. The two hosts might be the two most irritating people alive – and the biggest reason for my bailout is probably the casual animal torture disguised as “competitions.” Believe it or not – when these creatures are born, I don’t think they were intended for their life to be a laughing stock to see if Daniel Baldwin can eat it alive. I don’t like animal torture or cruelty and this show traffics way too much in it – so – I’m out of here!

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
Jimmy had this unbelievable clip of Janice on some foreign model type realiy show – it’s so great – she screams at the models in some nonsensical rant, then immediately falls down a spiral staircase and begs for help – Jimmy remarked that if you’re going to fall down a staircase in a place you don’t speak the language – probably best not to ream everybody out 3 minutes beforehand.

Speaking of Kimmel – he recently had on Heather Graham. I always liked Heather as an actress and loved her turn as ROLLERGIRL in BOOGIE NIGHTS. Now that I got to see her interviewed, I can’t stand Heather Graham. She is beautiful – but also quite insane – bragging how her astrology books got her a boyfriend who cooks and has good sex with her. (I wonder what...forget it.) Anyway – she then proceeded to explain her role in THE HANGOVER. Wait a minute – not explain it – but SPOIL THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I haven’t seen it yet – but THE HANGOVER’S gimmick I presume is that the boys go out for a wild night in Vegas, then wake up and all these insane things have happened and they have to figure out the what and why. But don't worry, Heather fills us in on the mystery pretty quickly. I don’t think she understood how the movie unfolded, as she basically explained who she was in the film and why all the things happened – basically exposing every plot twist in the movie. Thanks, Rollergirl. Who knew Heather Graham was so whacky? She's like a heartbeat away from mid-90s (fill in the name of your own favorite insane celeb here.)

NURSE JACKIE (SHOWTIME)
Both my mom and grandmother were nurses – so I know first hand that a lot of this is wishful thinking (Nurse Jackie would never be allowed to talk to the doctors the way she does – she wouldn’t be able to do a LOT of the things she does in a real hospital.) All that aside, this is a terrific show with a superb performance by Edie Falco – not crazy about the fact that they put the priest from SOPRANOS as Falco’s hospital romance – it reeks of stale thinking – but this is a very solid and fun show that makes a compelling half hour with both humor and pathos with one of the best actresses working today at the helm. Also good are the new nurse that Falco works with – thought I’m not quite into the Unit Supervisor – (the one that took the drugs by accident.) Last week after a man died and she coldly came into the room and said “he’s dead – you need to give us the room” – that would never happen in a hospital and it really stretched credibility here. And I don’t quite get Falco’s marriage either – it seems to lack…something. But what works here works so well that I’m quite happy to stick with this show as I’m sure it will only get better with age, Like Falco.
Grade: B +

THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE (In Theaters)
This is one of Steven Soderburgh’s small movies – and probably his best one yet. Sasha Gray – a real life 21 year old porn star (I’ve heard) plays the lead in this – a seemingly cold and beautiful prostitute with an astonishingly upscale client base who support her high-style apartment and generally expensive way of life. Her boyfriend, who she lives with, is a trainer with good clients but constantly trying to find ways to make more money. In the background of this is contant talk about the current state of the economy – as if it were shot a few weeks ago. This is a talky movie – and for all the prostitution – there’s not one real sex scene to be found – mostly talk. And it works really well as both a look into the lives of this prostitute and her relationships, and as metaphor for the sinking economy – as everyone in this starts to sink in their own way – and when it gets right down to it – what is left to sell? Sasha Gray, who has only done porn and returned to porn immediately after this film is astonishingly good as the icy hooker with the live in boyfriend. And although nothing much happens in the way of plot or action, there is movement and through the talk the film continues to gauge our interest and curiosity until the very last frame. This tepidly paced film somehow works really well.
Grade: A

DAISY OF LOVE (VH1)Okay, Daisy seems to be a bit of an idiot who can’t sing – and I tuned out after episode one because somewhere along the line, Daisy started to believe her one liners are just hilarious and I found her insanely irritating. Then a friend of mine who I’ll call “NYC” told me to give the show a second chance – so I did. And I’m glad I did, because as the show goes along – what we did not expect out of Daisy is that she’s kind of a total sweetheart really looking for love – a rarity in this genre – and I like her a lot. And I like some of the guys (12 pack and Chi Chi are standouts) and this is a very well produced hour. Also- MVP on the show goes to Richi Rachman (is that how you spell it) – I love how he really looks out for Daisy and does not appear to be trying to hit on her. He seems like he genuinely cares and there is a depth to this that does not appear in the male version of this show. With Flava and Brett – it seems like they just want to get laid. I think Daisy is looking for love – albeit in all the wrong places.
Grade: B

Rock/Flavor of love CHARM SCHOOL (VH1)
Okay, you would think that the inclusion of Rikki Lake as headmistress would be a great decision since she did so well for years with her own rip off of Jerry Springer’s show. Not so much – she comes off as a bit of gas bag and a phony – Sharon Osbourn was probably the best they ever did in this genre – but I like the girls, the show is slick and well produced and mixing the ROCK OF LOVE GIRLS (aka – the WHITE girls) with the FLAVOR girls (aka – the HOOD girls) proved to be a great move and the show got a lot of mileage out of that combination. This is no HILL STREET BLUES, but as far as these shows go – it’s a pretty good edition.
Grade: B –

GREEN DAY “21st Century Breakdown”Another winner from Green Day – though not quite as crisp as the earlier more inspired AMERICAN IDIOT. Here is another concept album that tries to go one better but ends up being a worthy sequel if not much more. There are about 4 or 5 winners here – and some really shitty stuff to balance it out. There’s one song I could swear is a complete rip off of a song from the GREAT Julian Lennon CD DAY AFTER DAY – but who would know what I’m even talking about? The songs that work here are the ballads – frankly, the punk thing doesn’t quite play for these guys anymore. I think they got too old. What they’re best at now is probably the music they used to hate.
STANDOUTS:
Last Night On Earth (track 7) Last of American Girls (track 10) Restless Heart Syndrome & 21 Guns (tracks 13 & 16)
Grade: B -

RESCUE ME (FX)
Rescue Me has officially shrugged off last years sort of stuck in a rut storytelling and has returned with what might be the best season ever. If you’re not already watching this – you’re probably not going to start – but this show, in its fifth season, is on fire.
Grade: A

BEST WEEK EVER (VH1)
Is still great - Paul F. Thomkins is hilarious. Just thought I'd remind you.

And yes, Yogurtland rules - I said it, and I mean it.

Peace!

Hardcore Swine Flu Porn with Susan Boyle

2009-04-27T08:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry for that title - just trying to get more hits.

Ok - that joke is a month old - it's been a while since I've posted anything.
Today the blog changes. No major changes, but vastly shorter reviews to adjust to my vastly reduced time to spend on this.

I haven't posted for a few weeks due to lots of personal and professional obligations - but I realized I can do this in an easier version - so bear with me while I try to figure out a stream lined version of this that's a little more do-able.

I was actually going to retire the blog (yet again) but - the truth is - there are simply some shows that come along and their so good that I realized - it's not enough for millions to see it on cable - I need to alert my 58 regular blog readers that these shows exist.

Just kidding, the number is much higher. (I think we're in the hundreds these days.)

In any case - Hope u like the new brevity.

PRINCE: AT PAISLY PARK (DOCU) - VH! CLASSICS
This pretended to be a current docu of the Purple One - it was just a bunch of clips and some REALLY old interviews with people like Sheila E. recorded when THE GLAMOUROUS LIFE was still on the charts. No real insight - just an excuse to listen to Prince for an hour - never really a bad thing - unless it's a CD that came out after 1997 - which is the last time he recorded anything worth any merit. (For the record - I think EMANCIPATION is the last batch of decent tunes he's put together. And SIGN OF THE TIMES is the last great CD he made.) Any good recent Prince song is only good if it reminds you of an older, better song - which is too bad, Prince is still one of my heros. You wouldn't know it from this docu.
Grade: C -

ROCK OF LOVE BUS (VH1)
A fire hazzard. The lamest of all the installments. They need to retire this.
Grade: D

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN at the LA SPORTS ARENA (last night - 4.15.09)Well - I guess it's been a while since I've published. Me and my friend Tony B. went to the show - amazing set list - although I never have to hear 10th Ave. Freeze Out again - seriously, I'm good. Same thing with the detestable AMERICAN LAND - which for the life of me - I have no idea how many shows he's let this ridiculous Irish flavored jig close out every show for the last two years. Other than that - this was probably one of the best shows I've ever been to. The news of possible cheating broke out right before the show, which both explained Patty's absense and Bruce's wrenching vocal on DARKNESS when he sang "I lost my money and I lost my wife, those thing don't seem to matter much to me now." He did SPRIRIT IN THE NIGHT, BORT TO RUN, LONESOME DAY - a bunch of tunes from WORKING ON A DREAM - although not my favorite track from the CD - QUEEN OF THE SUPERMARKET should've been on that list. But more importantly - me & Tony B. got to drink beer and stand on the floor section and listen up close to Bruce - doesn't get much better than that.
Grade: A

ADELE was absolutely captivating on LATER WITH CARSON DALY the other night - she delivered a shimmering TO MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE that left the viewer slack jawed. She's the real deal.

Speaking of Carson Daly, I love the new format of his LATER show on NBC. And the Digital Couch congratulaters him on the birth of his baby boy a few months ago.

ELTON JOHN - ME, MYSELF & I (LOGO)
This is really interesting - a fairly informative and well done profile of Sir Elton. They hit upon some really interesting times in his life (like his marriage to Renata in the 80s) and have Elton there talking exclusively about each incident. On the downside - the show did some really lame green-screen business with Elton on a roller coaster, running from monsters - all horribly unwatchable and unbelievably embarressing for Sir Elton, who continues to make compelling CDs (ok - THE CAPTAIN AND THE KID really sucked except for THE BRIDGE - however, SONGS FROM THE WEST COAST and - even better, PEACHTREE ROAD are minor masterpieces from a guy in this biz 30 plus years.) You should catch this - but try not to cringe at the "production."
Grade: B +

REAL LOSER: COUPLES (NBC)
Tim Gunn came by to give the losers a makeover - then the losers met their families and went to watch a movie that starred themselves. Recently, the show has mostly gotten back to what we love best - massively overweight people losing huge amounts of weight and getting to see what they look like thin. The show is emotional, educational (except for those RIDICULOUS on screen ads that tout things like EXTRA gum and some other shite) and really inspirational. There is a man on there who started the show at over 400 pounds and is now 380 - and he's in his late 50s with all kind of medical issues. His son went from 380 to 234 - and the workouts do NOT look easy. This is an example of fine reality TV - however - the two hour running time is a bit much.
Grade: B +

UPDATE: since writing that - the show ended and to my shock - the kid did not win - the blonde woman (Susan?) took home the prize. More importantly - these people lost massive amounts of weight and that's what makes them all winners. I highly reccomend this show to anyone who cares about health.
OVERALL GRADE: A -

SOUTH PARK (COM)
If you watched the "Fishsticks" episode, you know that SOUTH PARK can be as funny as ever - and frequetly is. Also great - the episode where Cartman joins up with pirates, telling them that he "swiped the credit card from me mother!"
Grade: A

PRETTY WICKED (OXY)
I don't get it - it's supposed to be a show about inner beauty, yet all the girls are...anyway - I watched this to the end - lost some brain cells - was kind of entertained - don't remember anything about it except the girls were uniquely weird and fake.
Grade: C

CELEB APPRENTICE (NBC)
Where do I begin? Jesse Jane and the midgets? The outragous alcoholism and subsequent major meltdown of Dennis Rodman? The retardation that is Clint Black? Trump's bullshit about throwing Chloe Kardashian off because she got a DUI? (Don't even get me started on that bit of fuckiing hypocrasy.) The insane fighting between Joan Rivers and Annie the poker player? The strange friendship between Annie and the Playboy model Brandy Roderick? The unbeliavable level of conceit of Annie the poker player "I'm a great cook, a superb wife, a superlative mother and I give a great BJ (I'm not kidding - she said this with no trace of humor.)" Then there is the most compelling love story of the year - Joan and her daughter Melissa - when I watch them together - how do I put this...I feel like I'm still in Brooklyn. And as much humor as the relationship invites - it's rather beautiful and rare. These two adult woman are still very much mother and daughter is both touching and a real stunner. What can I say - CELEB APPRENTICE fucking rules!
Grade: A

UPDATE: I watched the end of THE CELEB APPRENTICE - by now everybody knows that Joan Rivers won and that her fight with Annie the poker player was absolutely spectacular. Annie seemed like a jerk - but Joan was really over the top in her pursuit of getting under Annie's skin. But I have to say - this was the most compelling season in years, the tension between Annie and Joan was truly a unique thing - and Joan became our hero somehow. It boiled down to good versus evil - and we love Joan. I mean, to see this - 70 year old woman??? (I know - it's crazy - she's nearly 70 and while her plastic surgery has made her look a bit freakish - its also part of her whole schtick and the engery and tenacity that Joan displays at her advanced age is nothing short of heroic.) While I think that Annie probably won by most standards, thank God Trump gave the world (and me) the ending they wanted and allowed Joan Rivers to wow as again, 30 years later. I can't imagine Trump will ever top this stellar edition.
Grade: A +

TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: THE HOGAN FAMILY (E!)
A rarity - a TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY that really went for the jugular. The Hogans are a particularly juicy subject, but if you're going to watch this - you must follow it up with the UNBELIEVABLE article on HULK in this month's current ROLLING STONE.
Grade: B

STEVEN WRIGHT/THE LEAVES BLOW AWAY (COM)
Remember when he used to be funny? Remember when he used to say things like "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." He's still saying it. The same joke. 30 years later.
Grade: C -

IMPORTANT THINGS WITH DIMITRI (COM)
Umm....I kind of like the tone of this show - if not quite the execution.
I don't even remember what I saw.
Grade: C

SPARTAN (SHOWTIME)
Criminally ignored political gem from writer/director David Mamet. Kristin Bell is the President’s daughter – she’s been abducted and on her trail is Val Kilmer in an absolutely “I’ll make you completely forget I’m insane” role. His tough performance here ranks among his best. Lending support are a cadre of Mamet regulars, David Paymer, William Macy, and a few more from one of the living masters – David Mamet. The film not only plays as an absolute shoot-em-up to get to the truth, but also serves as a nasty commentary on modern day politics. Not much humor – but this is a sweaty, tough as nails hard ass drama that catches flight early on and doesn’t let up till the very last frame. Highly recommended.
Grade: A

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
(This review is a month old)
Don Rickles was a guest – so in the opening, Kimmel mentions that Don Rickles is going to be on that night – he then says that people have slept there and are going crazy – he then cuts to footage of hot young girls with signs saying “DON WE LOVE YOU AND WANT TO MARRY YOU.” It was Beatlemania! Fantastic bit - also really funny -Jimmy showed a clip of Obama meeting the Queen, then did an insert of them doing a real ghetto handshake. I wish I could link to it but BLOGSPOT refuses to make links easy. (Which is why the links have dissapeared from my blog.)

Speaking of Jimmy, who knew that having Depeche Mode on would force them to close down Hollywood Blvd? I was alive in the 80s - was Depeche Mode THAT fucking big? Jesus Christ - I sort of remember "Master & Servant" - but closing down Hollywood Blvd? That should only happen when Meatloaf performs.

Billy Bob Thorton came on the show and frankly - I thought he'd humbly explain all that insanity he started with the nice guy radio reporter who Billy fucked with in Canada. If you don't know what happened - just YOUTUBE in BILLY BOB RADIO INTERVIEW and listen to Billy Box quicly become Asshole of The Year. So Billy Bob comes on - not only did Billy Bob NOT apologize or humbly explain - he proceeded to boast about his own insanity and proudly wear his asshole-esque personality on his arm. His only concession to the insanity was saying "Is this really news?" Yeah, Billy Bob - when you act like a moron, try to humiliate a nice guy trying to interview you, and then continue to believe you did something good - people are interested in that.

Fuck Billy Bob. Seriously. Fuck him.

Jamie Foxx was on - Wholy Christ - if there has ever been a man more full of himself on the planet - I swear I can't imagine who it is. And Jamie calling himself "the black Howard Stern" to apologize for his remarks about Miley Cyrus - give us all a break, bro. Howard is one of the funniest guys alive - you are one of the most annoying men alive. But - you were pretty good on IDOL with the kids. I'll give you that.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE w/TRACEY MORGAN & Kelly Clarkson (NBC)
Tracey Morgan is HILARIOUS - so, how was his return to the NBC show that made him famous?
Eh.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE /SETH ROGAN & ????? (NBC)
Seth Rogan is one of the funniest guys around. So the show had to be great, right?
Even more eh. (Deep shrug/sigh)

RIGHT AMERICA FEELING WRONGED “OBAMA vs. McCAIN” (HBO)
White people are angry! And embarrassing!

I really loved BLACK TO THE FUTURE on VH1.

NITRO CIRCUS (MTV)
GREAT stunts. Sort of like JACKKASS without the humor or personality.

GONE CONTRY (CMT)
I loved the finale – Tara Conner was aghast because right before the final show she lost her voice – only she has a terrible fucking voice, so it was like losing a horrible apendage. She should've been happy. I don't remember much about this season as it was pretty unmemorable. I don't even remember who won to be honest.

THE EX (Showtime)
Unseen little gem starring Zach Braff and Jason Bateman - small comedy - huge laughs. Highly reccommended.
Grade: B +

ELVIS COSTELLO “MIGHTY LIKE A ROSE” (CD/Digital Download)
I totally forgot how great this CD from the late 90s is – one of Elvis’ later era best. And it holds up like he cut it yesterday.
Grade: A +

Speaking of Costello - his SPECTACLE on SUNDANCE is literally the best music show since "MUSICIANS" on the now defunct .. something channel (I forgot the name - but it was a great weekly acoustic show.) - But SPECTACLE is even better because you get Elvis to sing on many of the tunes. There have been so many highlights already I can't believe there's not a CD out yet - but he and Jenny Lewis singing CARPETBAGGERS, he and Lou Reed doing PERFECT DAY, it goes on and on. This might be the best music show in 30 years, as good as when Johnny Cash has musical guests on to Old Grey Whistle Test - Elvis' show is THAT good. Killer guests and killer sets and great interviews.
Grade: A +

HELL'S KITCHEN (NBC)
I love Chef Ramsey and particularly KITCHEN NIGHTMARES. But frankly, in its 4th or 5th season, this is just starting to seem tired and the beats all seem similar from the week before. This was fun for a while - and I'm sure it's still enjoyable - I'm just over it. I won’t be watching.

E.R. (NBC)“Old Times” – what a trip seeing those names in the opening credits – written and directed by John Wells. Starring George Clooney, Noah Wylie, Eriq LaSalle, Sherry Stringfield, Julia Marguiles - it did feel like old times - and it was a great episode that picked up the Dr. Doug Ross character and the whole 2 hour finale was also really well done. An very respectable ending to a long running show. Extra points for throwing on the old title sequence for the final episode. This is the way a long running show goes out in style.
Grade: A

John Lennon “Plastic Ono Band”After watching CLASSIC ALBUMS I went ahead and listened to this CD in its original song sequence. Awesome.
Grade: A +

TOUGH LOVE (VH1)
The best reality show you're not watching (if you are - you know why I love it so much.)
Grade: B
UPDATE: They did their season finale - it began a little more exciting than it ended - but this was a class act in the reality show world. A rarity.
Overall Grade: B

TWO LOVERS (ON DEMAND)
Great, low key, intensely moody film with Joequin Phoenix playing a suicidal man in Brooklyn living with his parents and romancing two very different women. This is James Grey's 4th film set in Brooklyn and the 3rd time he's used Phoenix - and I'm a huge fan of what seems like an ongoing anthology of Brooklyn.
Grade: B +

HECKLER (Sundance)
I loved this film, and I loathe Jamie Kennedy (he's unbelievably unlikable here - yet since he left his annoying stuff in - he was one of the producers - he gets some credit for recognizing his annoyingness.) But there was some truly great stuff about the nature of criticism, and every great heckling story was either told or had clips to represent it.
Grade: B

DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS (ABC)
Meatloaf was fun with his daughter. Bababooey was even better. Gary really does know his music and I was almost surprised he didn't make it to the million - but to sing in that voice in front of millions...he has guts. It was also fun to see him outside of the Stern show doing something for a charity he really believes in.
Grades:
Meatloaf and his daughter: B
Ba Ba Booey: A

I have some more reviews - but I'll probably put them up next week. Sorry it's been so long. I'm sure I was missed.

JAY MOHR is less funny than ZACK EFFRON. That's saying something.

2009-04-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

DANCING WITH THE STARS (ABC)
They got rid of everyone good – although Steve-O is kind of compelling, but for me - after seeing these guys dance a few numbers - this show always loses steam.

HOUSE (FOX) (SPOILERS)
Had a surprising episode that killed off one of the regulars in a really out of left field way (the actor wasn't even in the hour.) It was a very surprising move and a well written teleplay that also came with a - believe it or not - a GREAT PERFORMANCE by MEATLOAF and Colleen Camp as a dying couple with a mysterious disease. Meatloaf was shockingly good and real. And Hugh Laurie has never been better as one of the guys left wondering by a friend's passing.

LAKEVIEW TERRACE (DVD)
Highly under-rated film that has a lot more to do with race than the ads suggested at the time of its release. The story is about Patrick Wilson and Kerry Washington, an interracial couple (by the way – Patrick Wilson is becoming the bomb – he’s great in HARD CANDY, LITTLE CHILDREN and one of the few bright spots in WATCHMEN.) Sam Jackson gives a truly scary, menacing and original performance. Neil LaBute is a masterful director and he helps elevate this story which has some familiar notes into something very original and tense. Up until the inevitable show down – LaBute and the actors ratchet up the tension quite nicely. A genuinely unique surprise.
Grade: B +

Mike “Boogie” Malin made a GREAT guest appearance on FROM G’s TO GENTS a few weeks ago as I’m just catching up. Boogie can liven up any show and here he did it again. Maybe time to give this guy his own show?

SOUTH PARK (COMEDY CENTRAL)
Has done a spate of shows – THE RING, which concerned Kenny, his new girlfriend, The Jonas Bros. and Chastity rings – THE COON – about a crime fighting Cartman and then an interesting installment that concerned a practice known as Queefing. This is a show in its – I don’t know how many seasons – but the fact that its still ran by the two guys who started it – that it’s still very relavant and funny – this show could go forever. The last quartet of episodes were as fresh as anything they’ve been doing – this show still has the ability to be laugh out loud funny and very often is.
Grade: A -

THE OFFICE (NBC)
Has picked up steam with the new storyline of Michael losing his job – hoping it continues on that road. The storylines of the office with the new boss and Michael's new company are really funny and getting the show out out of the rut it was stuck in. Well done.

I LOVE YOU, MAN (IN THEATERS)
Someone said this is “the best Judd Apatow film that Judd Apatow had nothing to do with.” I’ll go with that. The film certainly has both the Apatow vibe and most of Apatow’s players – but an originality and a sweet comic take on Paul Rudd’s friendship with a never-better Jason Siegal – I laughed pretty much from beginning to end. A tight script and some great direction gives I LOVE YOU, MAN an….
Grade: A +

Speaking of funny, just how unfunny does Zack Efron come off in the ads for 17 AGAIN? Have you seen his facial comic exaggerations? Yikes. Head 4 ze hillz!

It was great to see JOE THE PLUMBER match wits with Bill Maher on HBO’s REAL TIME. All things considered, Maher took it very easy on his grossly outmatched friend. But Joe really does see himself as a politician now – it’s a little scary.

Ben Affleck was hilarious with his former on-screen lover, James Kimmel on KIMMEL LIVE! the other night.

SKINS (BBC)
The more I watch – the more I love.

Not so into the Lady Gaga.

The last batch of THE SIMPSONS – not so much.

JIMMY FALLON (NBC)
I saw him with Jason Siegal – one of the funniest guys around right now. Fallon shut him down.

I saw Fallon with Lady Dita (is that her name – the woman who used to go out with Marylin Manson?) – anyway – I think she’s one of the most beautiful people on earth. Fallon shut her down.

I don’t know what it is – but that show is just….tons of fake enthusiasm and Fallon unfortunately doesn’t seem very curious about the lives of his guests – just if people are laughing at his over rehearsed asides. A good host can sort of do both – be funny while engaging with the guest. I will tune out for the moment but in a few months (if he’s still there) I will check back on Mister Fallon. Right now you should move it along, there’s nothing to see here.

HOUSE (FOX)
Has been on a great roll lately with great episodes and great personal development for the characters. Specifically, the stuff between House and Cuddy, House’s Methadone addiction and the superb work of Jay Karnes from THE SHIELD as a man whose brain damage impacts his ability to filter what thoughts come from his head to his mouth. Instead of the usual stakes of House trying to save someone’s life, in this, he was trying to save someone’s personanal life – knowing that if this man continued to be so bluntly and offensively honest – he would alientate everyone in his life forever – just like House. Karnes could get an Emmy nomination for his perfect performance. Jay has has really been on a roll latealy since THE SHIELD – he was great on SONS OF ANARCHY in a very twisted arc and he was superlative here.
Grade: A

BEST WEEK EVER (VH1)
Is the best weekend wrap up ever. Hands down.
Grade: A

WATCH MEN (IN THEATERS)
I went in cold not knowing anything about these characters or history – I left with the same feeling. While often amazing to look at – I knew nothing of the WATCHMEN and they decided to do the first movie as sort of a “whatever happened to the WATCHMEN” tale. I was lost for the first hour – and then I kind of got into it – but probably just for fans only. The last half tried for real pathos and came close – but it was too little too late.
Grade: C –

Z ROCK is pretty good based on the single episode I saw. Really good, actually. Some great, unexpected moments and dialogue.

UPDATE: I watched another episode and didn't really like it.

ZROCK: TO BE CONT'D...

TRUE BEAUTY (ABC) and PRETTY WICKED (OXY)
BEAUTY was a noble experiment – but ultimaly it felt like the basis of the show was really catching people in bad moments – and the truth is that it felt like people were sort of being peonnilized for these weird setup situations – I don’t know – not a huge fan but it was fun for a minute. They just didn’t have it set up to truly measure inner beauty because that one guy came in second and he was saying he was about to choke out some stranger!

PRETTY WICKED is the truly dumbed down and totally addictive version. These girls are just hateful, mean and insane.

I'm addicted.

Julia Roberts is now fake-laughing her way through Regis, watching her fake-laugh her way through Letterman was tough. Watching her fake laugh on that horrible promo for DUPLICITY where a de-balled Clive Owen says “you’re gaming me!” and Julia goes into that huge fake laugh which she (wrongfully) believes America will embrace – I want to never hear laughter again. Ever.

The SHOCKINGLY UNFUNNY yet RIDICULOUSLY CONFIDENT Jay Mohr was on the detestable and nauseating Hollywood phony Rachel Ray Show doing the 1000th impression of Tracey Morgan and not even doing it well. Jay, all kidding aside - you suck, dude.

For serious dueche chills – check out the horrible Mr. Mohr on THE VIEW cracking the ladies up with his TRACEY MORGAN impression (literally every comic in America – and everyone else not in show biz – does this impression) – then Jay launched into his so-so Chris Walken impression for the 1,424,534,633,345th time – and again – this is impression that about – 89,324,342 comics already do.

Jay – dude, seriously – seriously?

There's No "I" in OFFICE!

2009-03-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

“There’s No “I” In Office: 4293 Meaningless Phrases to Keep Your Coworkers Smiling While Avoiding Actual Conversation – by Jake Lentz and Paul Koehorst (BOOK)
This is one of the funniest books ever about the office place. Lentz and Koehorst have given their all in presenting us with every hilarious meaningless phrase to keep coworkers smiling while not really saying anything. One of the funniest books I’ve read in a LONG TIME. Perfect to pick up and read a few great lines – or to spend an hour with. It makes a great coffee table book, conversation piece and a great gift to anybody about to take or already has an office job – my highest recommendation. I laughed out loud MANY times from this. My highest thumbs up.
Grade: A +

PEARL JAM: “10” Legacy Remaster (and video VH1)
So, after 15 years or so and MANY shitty albums later, Pearl Jam, a GREAT band, decides to celebrate the 15 year anniversary of “10” – their debut CD, by offering up this LEGACY edition – which includes, the original disc, and a newer disc, remixed by their current main producer along with a bunch of extras and demos for songs that never made it to the disc. The new songs are just okay. The real revelation is the remixed CD. Listening to the older version, it sounds a bit stuck in the early 90s musically – a bit too much production – the vocals are kind of cliped - in the remix – you get much more real, ragged vocals, harder mixes for the instruments and an overall hotter sound quality. If you’re a fanatic or a huge fan of that CD, you’ll notice a huge improvement. If you’re a casual fan, you probably wouldn't notice a thing. Still, for this big fan of “10” – this was awesome.
Grade: B +

PEARL JAM: A look back at 10 (VH1)
This was sort of a quick half hour look back at the making of “10” – it seems like it should’ve been included in the package (maybe it was and I didn’t notice) but it’s basically a fluff piece explaining the creation of “10” without really getting into the meat of the package – the remix. But it’s a nice companion piece.
Grade: B -

30 ROCK (NBC)
The show is fine, Balwin is always superb, and Jon Hamm is brilliant, and I was sorry to see his character go. I think they could’ve handled Hamm's exit with a bit more subtlety in the storyline – however – lately subtlety is not 30 ROCK’s strong suit. In fact, the show has gone from low-key funny about a show that could exist, to the alternate universe SEINFELD went to in its final seasons – which is troubling because the show has no reality to it anymore. And sending Tracey Morgan to the moon – that was a bit DEFINITELY stolen from the STERN RADIO SHOW – about 9 months ago they sent “Gary the retard” (an actually mentally handicapped listener and great fan and good sport) into what he thought was space. 30 ROCK probably borrowed the idea –but Stern and Co. did the job better. As far as this great show goes, the more surreal, the more distant and weird it becomes. Every week it seems like they’re not sure what the tone is – I hope they straighten this out soon because when this show is firing on all cylinders, there is nothing better. Still, even at its worst, it’s far better than most.
Grade: B +

THE OFFICE (NBC)
Has anyone noticed that the show is now going completely whole-hog into the BBC version’s storyline? The BBC version did it better – this was sort of clumsy – but definitely gave the show a storyline at least to pursue. I look forward to the Michael Scott Paper Co. with Pam Beasley as head saleswoman.
Grade: B -

THE REAL WORLD: BROOKLYN (MTV)
The thing I always love about THE REAL WORLD – one of the few reality shows that doesn’t get into the whole “competition” and elimination and money prize – which means its basically about how these people simply get along. And every character you start out thinking you know – you realize you’re completely wrong about them and at its best, REAL WORLD really tends to break down stereotypes of what you think someone is. On the other hand – some of these people are EXACTLY who you think they are and there is probably some perverse pleasure in realizing that as well. For this edition they got some youngish, more naïve kids than in seasons past – in other words – they didn’t fill the house with shallow sex addicts this year. These are smart, interesting and thoughtful people. There is a bodybuilder type who seems to be a nice guy. There’s a guy dude (the one who broke the table) who is another example of a gay guy we simply haven’t seen on TV before (and I like his character very much.) There is a VERY weird dude named Chett who dresses metro, seems gay – and yet is a Mourman and quite a bit of a hound. Again – the stereo type goes out the window with this guy – but he IS annoying. He’s also really good at interviewing people and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him hosting some MTV stuff in the future. Then there’s RYAN, the centerpiece of this group of 8 (they went from a half-hour to an hour and gave us another person starting with last year’s edition) a Iraq war veteran who can sing, direct – he’s funny, sometimes gets frightengly mad and angry – and back to his songs – I think he might actually be a star – but what do I know?

The girls aren’t quite as interesting. There’s a HOT black girl who liked the body builder for the first few eps but backed off, and now she stands around looking really hot and mostly stays on the phone for almost the entire production. She also puts on her glasses and tries to speak intelligently when she wants to show her smarts – but she’s kind of an idiot. There’s this girl who’s kind of pretty with tons of tattoos and a real sweetness about her – but she’s also really really fake and tries to hard to be friends with (almost) everybody. There’s a skinny dancer who came out to dance – got into the academy of dance, then turned it down saying she doesn’t like their teaching style – but beyond that – she barely registers on the show. The real wild card is Kaitlin, the show’s first trans-gender female (once male!) who seems to be fairly well – adjusted except that she’s a total slut, she’s broke and she borrowed 1500 dollars from the bodybuilder dude to stay in NYC, then blew most of it gambling in Atlantic City. He/She’s a fucking mess.

Still, I have enjoyed this group and will hope the best for them when this one wraps next week – worst of all Ryan, the singer, has gotten recalled back to the war, so as soon as the show wraps he has to go back and fight for his life. All in all, a pretty interesting edition of THE REAL WORLD – although we BARELY got a chance to know Brooklyn at all! The way they shoot it, you wouldn’t even know it was Brooklyn unless you saw the title.
Grade: B

THE TONIGHT SHOW w/Jay Leno (NBC)
Jay has had some interesting guests of late. Barack – now infamous for its “Special Olympics” crack that Barack threw down. Frankly, I thought the whole thing reeked of Barack wanting to be a guest on a late night talk show and show America that he’s every bit as funny and entertaining as Jay Leno – and frankly, that’s a little scary. I’m a Barack supporter – but I don’t support his trips into late night comedy. Although I must say – he WAS funnier than Jay – but so is my cat, Munchy.

Speaking of Leno, how bad were those new PRINCE songs? Leave it to Jay – Letterman gets U2 for the week, even Conan gets SPRINGSTEEN for a week – who does Leno get? Prince – 20 years after His relevancy ended.

While we’re on the subject of Leno, did anyone happen to see Emma Roberts? She's ten times more annoying than Julia. Her stories about her driving test – I think while Jay Leno openly found them hilarious - because Jay Leno finds everything fucking hilarious – Paul Giamatti looked like he wanted to hang himself.

AMERICAN DAD (FOX)
The Bar Mitvah Heist was very clever, very well plotted and actually snared a very rare win in the FAMILY GUY vs. AMERICAN DAD fight that goes on every Sunday. FAMILY GUY usually wins, but once in a while – DAD hits it out of the park – this one came very close.
Grade: B +

FAMILY GUY (FOX)
Lois became the news anchor for FOX NEWS. It seems like this could’ve been seriously funny – it was seriously just ok.
Grade: B -

WHY IS IT ON TWO SHOWS:
ROCK OF LOVE BUS and CANDY GIRLS there are girls on BOTH SHOWS who keep using the expression “I was thinking O.M.G!” They actually spell the initials instead of saying it. I would say it makes me throw up in my own mouth a little bit every time I hear it, but then I would sound like all of last year’s reality show gals. (My favorite part is how they all say it then mug for the camera as if they’re bringing America something original and smart – only 8 years too late.)

CANDY GIRLS (E!)
Like most E! shows, this one’s premise is as thin as Lindsey Lohan’s waist. This is about an mostly Black/Hispanic model type agency which provides hot girls for videos and parties, etc. There is a modeling aspect to the agency too. Everything is very confused – hard to figure out all the relationships and the loft where some of them live – this thing was edited with a sledgehammer. As far as the “models” – they are typically shallow, thoughtless, selfish, weird, divas, and – unusually – kind of chunky and not really that pretty – for models. Seriously – I initially thought it was a larger woman’s type of show - but it’s relatively harmless, and has no real reason to exist since it lacks and real drama or sense of humor.
Grade: D

PINK FLOYD “WHICH ONE’S PINK?” (VH1 Classic)
I love Pink Floyd – particularly the original lineup. This was a 90 minute attempt to sum up a 30 plus year career with some really mixed results. Some of the best FLOYD stories were missing, and there wasn’t any critical analysis of the band with Waters, without Waters – most questions went glaringly unanswered. However – the nice thing about this docu was that they actually had all the principals talking about the band. I thought it was interesting how Roger Waters, once the notoriously angry man who dismantled the band, was the one who’d like to re-form and do a big tour (that would kind of be like printing money – a PINK FLOYD reunion tour would probably be the biggest thing in 10 years as far as the tour biz goes.) Roger seems to want this very much – and when they asked David Gilmour about a reunion he answered quite quickly “Ain’t never going to happen.”
Fuck.
Grade: B

AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
I still like Scott M., the blind guy, but his CAN’T HURRY LOVE was awful. I loved that DANNY guy doing that acoustic TRACKS OF MY TEARS. That was hot, dawg! Danny Goki did a good song I forget the name of, but his dancing was so bad it scared my cat. By the way – is it just me or does Danny look exactly like Seth Rogan with a little less weight and straight hair. I like how Howard Stern pointed out the other day how Ryan Seacrest is now SO affected that he couldn’t even pronounce CRAYONS in a badly scripted schtick performed badly by Simon and Paula – but Paula does seem as retarded as ever. And I’m not so much into the new judge – although my favorite quote thus far comes from her. After one of the songs she says “I have six words for you – Best Male Performance Of The Entire Freaking Night.” Better still was Kimmel the other night trying to see if Uncle Frank could figure out what was wrong with that sentence. He sort of did – after 30 tries.

STORYTELLERS: KANYE WEST (VH1)
“Michael Jackson – awesome. O.J. Simpson – awesome. What he did – was he not, was he not awesome?” This was Kanye during one of the interludes and as crazy as it sounds – it kind of worked. I don’t think he was saying these people are still awesome – it had to do with what inspired him and what he did find awesome as a young man. He even says “I’m sorry for being such a bitch at awards shows – but what the hell – they ARE awards shows. I didn’t kill anybody at them.” This is probably the best I’ve seen Kanye – humble, funny, awestruck – and brilliant with his music. The songs here are fantastic and Kanye…aweseome.
Grade: B +

THE LOST BLOG: Amatuer Porn Star Killer, Nip/Tuck, Bad Girls Club, THE BOYFRIEND SHIRT

2009-03-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry – have been really busy – these are not new reviews but you haven’t seen them. When I did last week’s blog, I stuck to the reviews that Ralph had seen so we could have a cohesive blog – but these are the ones left out from last week because I’ve been behind on viewing – hopefully these reviews will tide you over till my next current blog – DIGITAL COUCH.

THE BOYFRIEND SHIRT
If you are a woman and want to drive your man wild, please check out THE BOYFRIEND SHIRT. Go here for details but I think this is the next big thing

I have been having trouble for a long time with BLOGSPOT links - until i figure out why it's not working - I realy would like people to check out this link so please cut and past and let me know what you think:
www.theboyfriendshirt.com

BLACK TO THE FUTURE (VH1)
Is a WE LOVE THE 70s type pop-culture riff with tons of talking heads – only this show focuses on all things black. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Jesse Jackson, Lionel Richie, Different Strokes, Eddie Murphy’s PARTY ALL THE TIME recording – all the great moments of black pop culture history is presented here and frankly – after watching all those other talking head shows which VH1 seems to specialize in – this one was really good. Focusing on black-only pop culture gave the show an edge and a focus. The comics were hilarious – although Hal Sparks is now sporting a scary rock star hair-do – other than that – this is really one to watch. There are too many things that fly by to really talk about – but this is a four parter that really works.
Grade: B +

ER is winding down with its last few episodes. It's been great to see some familiar faces, and Noah Whylie is particularly good in these episodes as Dr. Carter. Looking forward to seeing more familiar faces as the long running series finally comes to an end.

To everyone who witnessed Steve Harvey and his wife talking about the book they wrote about their love on the Oprah Winfrey show – let me know if you’re planning mass suicide. I might join you - because this was the worst spectacle of pseudo-celebrity ass kissing I’ve ever seen.

SPECTACLE (SUNDANCE)
Elvis Costello is really the best. He sings, he writes, he plays – and he has great questions and insights and a genuine curiosity for all his guests and a true pure love of music. I sometimes wish they’d sing some more familiar tunes instead of playing to the obscure crowd as I don’t know half the songs he’s reeling off – but when something magical happens – like Elvis and Lou Reed singing “Perfect Day” or Elvis singing “Border Song” to an astonished Elton John – this show is alive and pumping. This is a show that needs a first season soundtrack out ASAP. Truly, first rate.
Grade: A

SKINS (BBC DVD)
I had heard so much about this BBC show about the real lives of young adults – I thought I was in for a treat. I was and I wasn’t. It’s good and very watchable – but unlike what I was hoping for – which was realism – it’s really over the top and actually wickedly funny – just not what I was expecting. That said – there are some amazing scenes and some really clever stuff going on here – and the young actors are miraculous and the whole thing has sort of a TRAINSPOTTING vibe. I just don’t think it has the gravity to make you love it. It’s missing a bit of heart - although I’m only in the middle of series 1. Each episode focuses on a different kid – I particularly loved the girl with the eating disorder who kept getting strange texts to her cell that would say “EAT!” Even better was this weird tracking shot of her fingers running down a stairs banister…maybe you had to see it…anyway – if this gets much better I’ll let you know. There’s a little too much “clever comedy” for its good that keeps it from getting to the next level. So far…
Grade: B -

UPDATE: Started watching Disc 2 and it’s getting much better and much deeper.

SNUFF: A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT KILLING ON CAMERA (DVD)
Revolting and fascinating, this docu attempts to explore the “myth” of onscreen killing. It’s mostly talking heads with a few really disturbing shots here and there – they even include the entire segment from the end of a 75’ film called “SNUFF.” SNUFF was notorious back in the day for purporting to really kill someone at the end of the film. I remember renting SNUFF with some friends when it came out on VHS - we all were very freaked out at that ending. As the film – which is LAUGHABLE, ends, the “director” starts telling the actress how great she was and it leads to a supposedly impromptu make out session on the bed while the crew packs up. Suddenly – the director turns violent, and with the help of the crew, he kills and literally guts the woman. Now, I have to tell you – back in the day – me and all my friends were completely freaked and convinced we had seen a murder. It didn’t seem possible – and at the time – I should’ve realized that the PARTY CENTER in Brooklyn on Ralph Avenue – a candy, party supply and VHS rental shop would probably not have rented an actual on screen killing to a bunch of young boys. And yet, I always remembered that scene for being completely realistic for it’s time and just plain real. This docu begins early on by showing the entire sequence. 20 years later – I feel a bit snookered. The ending is actually so fake – so obviously fake – that I’m embarrassed I fell for it. Anyway – the film – while just mostly talking heads with some truly disturbing violent shots scattered throughout – is quite entertaining, disturbing and while some of the talking heads don’t really seem qualified to speak on the subject of SNUFF films – we do get a pretty full bodied idea of what a SNUFF film supposedly is. SNUFF is not nessessarily the act of just killing on camera – serial killers have been doing that for years. But a true SNUFF film in the commercial sense means somebody is murdered on camera for profit from the sick people who want to watch it. The film debates whether snuff is real or an urban myth. The answer – I don’t know. It probably doesn’t exist in the massive way some might think – but according to these folks and some news accounts – it exists. I will skip the Russian Child Porn Snuff ring – truly – one of the – I can’t even say. You can always see the movie if you’re interested in knowing about it – but it was apparently real and – wow. As horrifying as that was, there was nothing more horrifying to me than the last 10 minutes of the film, which had adult film producer Marc Rosen give a fully realistic account of the day he went to a LA hotel to meet some distributors who had something “outrageous” they wanted him to distribute. Marc sullenly gives a description of what he saw and starts to cry from the memory of this tape he was shown 20 plus years ago. I can’t recommend this film to anyone – but if you ever had a curiosity about the subject – this film offers a LOT of answers.
Grade: B +

And as far as the 1975 notorious classic SNUFF, For those interested – here is the trailer – probably creepier than anything in the actual movie:
GO HERE

I WAS A TEENAGE IDOL (VH1)
This is turning into a really good show. That kid from Baywatch is insane. Chris Atkins is cool. UPDATE:
I just watched the finale and not only did they try to give all the guys some decent hook ups for the future, some of them even got countdown shows on VH1 – maybe it won’t lead anywhere – but I think we’ll be seeing some of the people featured on this show. I liked the upbeat nature of this and I liked the camaraderie in the house as opposed to the feuding train wrecks that usually happens in these reality shows – I wouldn’t mind seeing another edition of this. Very enjoyable and somewhat cathartic in a way.
Grade: B -

AMATEUR PORN STAR KILLER (DVD)
DIG COUCH NOTE: Regardless of my reviews, these are squalid, hard to get through films and work in the very genre they set out to – but not much else. My deepest warning against watching these unless you have an intense curiosity. – DIG COUCH

Okay, not only did I never think I’d ever review a title like this for my site, but I never thought I’d be giving it a POSITIVE review. The truth is – this is a squalid, depressing little tape that has somehow spawned 2 sequels (I have seen neither – yet) – but it’s insanely real, if a bit overly artistic (I know – it sounds crazy.) The 73 minute film is basically this dude who picks up this girl in his car while he videotapes from either the worst video camera ever to exist, or we’re watching a copy of a copy of a copy – and sometimes the quality jumps from decent to horrendous to just plain annoyingly arty (or what the filmmaker thinks comes off as arty – is actually completely annoying and takes you out of the movie.) What’s left however, is an insanely gripping and mesmerizing 70 minutes of this dude talking this young girl into…well – the title says it all. But that’s all it is – the movie never leaves this shot. And that is the pull of it. And the acting – mostly improv – of the director/star and the girl – is absolutely real and believable – and as it goes on – this becomes one of the creepiest things I’d ever seen. But undeniably alive and raw.
Grade: B

UPDATE:
I watched Part 2. It’s much creepier. Maybe even evil. They offer two dvds – one is the FILM version (more pretense) – the other dvd is simply called THE KILLER’S SNUFF CUT with EVIDENCE marked on the disc – I chose that one just to see how far he would go with this premise. The same killer is back, and he goes much further with the premise this time around. It’s starker, darker, meaner – and much more sexually graphic – and violent. This does not make for feel-good watching – but as an absorbing piece of scripted reality, this is the real deal and you will need many showers and perhaps therapy after watching this.
Grade: B +

Someone just gave me part 3 – I’m extremely hesitant to watch. The only saving grace is its called THE FINAL CHAPTER.

JON BRION at LARGO (3 FRIDAY NIGHTS AGO)
I love Jon Brion – but I didn’t love this 3 hour fest that STARTED at 10 30 and went until the wee hours – with only 2 recognizable songs played the entire night. (Although – I slept through at least 4 songs – so maybe he did something awesome while I was sleeping.) He brought on a merry band of entertainers popular in the indie music world and they basically jammed. Frankly, for the money my friend Adam S. paid for me to attend this, I would’ve preferred some format to the show and maybe some real entertainment – instead it reminded me of being at your friends house when everyone else is drunk and on drugs except you – and they have musical instruments. The only instrument I needed was a gun – for Jon Brion, for my buddy Adam, and then of course for my mouth.
Grade: D +

THE VISITOR (DVD SCREENER)
Richard Jenkins is awesome in a film that somehow was generic, slow and predictable. Not to say it didn’t have some fine offbeat moments, but the only reason to watch this is for Jenkins wonderful performance as a stiff businessman trying to loosen up.
Grade: C -

THE BARBERA WALTERS SPECIAL (ABC)
The Jonas Brothers. Insipid. Ann Hathaway. Insiped. Mickey Rourke. Inspired – and insane.
Grade: eh. Barbera doesn’t ask anything remotely interesting anymore, so – who cares?

FAMILY GUY (FOX)
A stellar outing that saw their paralyzed cop friend in need of 20,000 dollars – Peter’s answer – rob Lois’ dad for millions. There was WAY too much going on in this episode to recount every funny laugh out loud moment – but this was a superlative outing for the show and a reminder of just how great this show could be.
Grade: A

UPDATE: While I was sick I watched MANY FAMILY GUY episodes on TOON. Watching a bunch of them, I have to say that there is a undeniable quality to them that is undeniable. When you are sick in bed and these shows are making you laugh out loud – you know it’s a classic. I saw the one where Stewie goes to High School to prove he’s cool. I saw Brian discover he has a 15 year old troublesome son. I saw Brian the dog nearly seduce Peter’s wife. And I saw Peter get a stroke from eating 80 greasy hamburgers. If you can’t tell – I fucking LOVE this show.

DEEPER THROAT (SHOWTIME)A variation on last year’s hard R-rated DEBBIE DOES DALLAS AGAIN, once again we have a half hour Showtime series that chronicles the remaking of a classic porn film while telling comical stories about the industry and the zany characters that inhabit it. I remember last year’s DEBBIE got very cloying at the end and seemingly either scripted or very tightly produced to get certain results. Credit Showtime with going a little further in the unscripted department this time around. Although that scene with Steve Hersch and his wife in bed might as well have been accompanied by a laugh track. What’s really and truly special about this show – one of the things that made DEBBIE as fun as it was despite its flaws – is the weekly depiction of the artistic porn director, Paul Thomas. He’s great. He simply has the very worst creative instincts every single time around, but because he’s picked up a pretentious Hollywood vibe and way of speaking – he gets away with it all the time because it SOUNDS like he knows what he’s doing. Seeing his boss yell at him over the script for DEEPER THROAT (P.T. thought it should be re-imagined as a fairy tale) was bracing – although – I think Hersch went over the top for the cameras. But this one seems to have a bit more bite than DEBBIE did, and I’ll definitely be watching to see this unfold. I just realized I didn’t mention the bit about the girls who come in to audition to be the new Linda Lovelace. It was pretty funny – all these porn chicks came to show that they have the particular “talent” this role needs. Of course, they needed to demonstrate it with a huge sex toy. And then Showtime would always cut away, which kind of – I mean – I don’t know why they felt the need to censor themselves on that – but that’s the problem with these shows about porn – they want to be lighthearted about a very dark subject matter. It’s literally a show that dwells on the comedy aspect of it (which isn’t really funny since it’s being overproduced with cloying, unfunny music.) The fiery blonde New York girl was hilarious about her skills, and I should mention that they auditioned Sasha Grey, who’s been in porn since she’s 18, and has also been a big staple in articles that cite her age and her mature attitude. She’s even going to be starring in a Soderbergh film in the next few months. Go figure. After the camera spends five minutes with her – you tend to think this very smart girl could do just about anything. She was pretty funny in a way the show is not. She was talking about the fact that “DEEP THROAT” “probably has absolutely nothing to do with Watergate.”
Grade: B

UPDATE: Watched ep 2 – and wouldn’t you know it – we are back to FULLY SCRIPTED PROGRAMMING. At its worst. Sorry, I wanted to love this – but you don’t need to script – just shoot what happens and edit it. Must we get non-actors delivering bad jokes with the worst line readings. It’s almost like a porn except without the sex. Brianna Banks, one of Vivid’s biggest stars is featured in this ep and truly sounded like a man – it was a little scary. And again, we spend just a bit of time with Sascha Grey, who honestly should just have her own show. She’s everything this show is not – smart, funny, ironic – Why, if she wasn’t in porn, I might just be forced to make an honest woman of that ms. Grey. And together, we’d forget about her porno past and start fresh….and then Seinfeld will come back for another season along with a 2 hour finale movie version of HILL STREET BLUES!
(more on the SEINFELD situation later.)

I LOVE MONEY 2 (VH1)
Ridiculous and yet – so very watchable. My money (I think) is on The Entertainer – he gotta get out of his mother’s house! But this show is undeniably fun if not terribly cohesive – actually it’s a mess, but a good kind of mess. Buddha must be stopped.

VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA (DVD)
The Woodman, since marrying his daughter, has stepped out and stepped it up. No longer making sophisticated films about NYC, after a string of almost shitty movies, now makes great films with international locales. This latest, about two best friends on vacation in Barcelona, takes a wild turn when they meet Javier Bardeem – a romantic Spanish artist who, after initially coming on to them for sex, ends up in a truly unique friendship with both of them – he beds one and falls for the other. He and one of the ladies are living in bliss until Penelope Cruz, who one the Oscar for her role (she’s THAT good) as Javier’s ex shows up. This is a great slice of life among the rich, eccentric and talented and it has that air about it that sort of makes you feel like you’re in that lifestyle as you watch it. Woody Allen is an amazing director and if you think he’s not relevant anymore, check out this film, which is both low-key and one of the best of the year.
Grade: A -

THE AMAZING RACE (CBS)
I don’t usually watch this but my friend MIKE WHITE and his dad are on this year – so – I have to watch and I’m enjoying what I’m seeing – this is a class act among reality shows – if a bit frantic and at times hard to follow. Still – it has a great format and Mike and his dad are kicking ass! Grade: B -

LISA LAMPONELLI (HBO)
I loved Lisa when I first became aware of her on the PAM ANDERSON. I like Lisa on the Stern show. But let’s face it – I’ve now seen her COM CENTRAL hour and now her brand new HBO hour. I’m sorry – I know she’s the hot comic of the moment – but she hasn’t changed her act in years, and her act is as thin as she is not. It’s literally the same shtick every single time – she uses the N word frequently – in fact – she slags everyone but believe me, that’s not the problem. If you want to see someone being controversial AND funny – look to Sarah Silverman – if you want to see someone just hoping that the controversial words will bring laughter – here comes Lisa Lamponelli – who not only goes for it with gusto on the racist diatribes – but she doesn’t have any real material behind it. She kind of fashions herself as the female Andrew Dice Clay – only – let’s face it – Dice used to be KILLER FUNNY – love him or hate him – he has a Point Of View to his craft and told a story. Lamponelli should just stick to short sets, the Stern show, the Kimmel show – roasts – she’s great. But for a full hour - I didn’t laugh once. And the crux of her act seems to be “Look how wild I am.” Seriously – half her stories have to do with people finding her offensive. Lisa – let me give you a little advice in that department – the idea is to go out and BE funny and controversial if you have to – THEN OTHER PEOPLE talk about it – when YOU TALK ABOUT it during your act and you pat yourself on the belly for being so “crazy” – it comes off as pathetic. Truly. Sorry – I once considered Lisa one of the best comics out there – these hour specials have exposed her as a true one trick pony. And the one trick is REALLY OLD.
Grade: D

KURT COBAIN: THE MAN & HIS WORDS (IFC)
Ok, I got the title wrong and I’m too lazy too look It up – but it plays all the time on IFC. A great docu with hours of audio recordings from Kurt himself who I think was writing a book and the dialog is played out over images that were important to Kurt’s life. Slow moving but completely moving – I loved it.
Grade: B +

THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXY)
More of the same. Trashy and wild, but somehow not as interesting as seasons past. Yet, this episode that took place in Cancun was pretty wild – even for this show’s standards. Throughout the episode it seemed that some horrifying incident was being foreshadowed, as clouds gathered around the two AMBERS. After a wild wet bikini contest, in which two of our Bad Girls were in and lost to a totally foxy local (sorry, but all the bad girls this season – especially the two in the contest – looks like they have put on 40 pounds each. They’re still lovely – but they ain’t winning no bikini contest – not in America – as they both said was the problem – and not anywhere. After screaming about losing the contest (which the audience voted on) one of the girls complained that she was yelled out for throwing ice – something she claims she didn’t do, somehow the anger turned towards the brighter Amber of the two Ambers. Allyeah, who I truly believe is actually mentally retarded – not just joking – she’s really in need of some help, goaded them into a fight with the Ambers and the hour ended with a disturbing street fight that left one of the Ambers laying in the street half-dead (seemingly.) I can’t wait till next week.
Grade: B -

ONE MAN, ONE CUP (THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET)
Someone evil forwarded this to me. Not only can I not even come close to describing what I saw in print – but I will say this – it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in all my life – and I don’t know yet that I’ll ever be able to un-see it. Help me. God help me. And all of humanity.

DISTURBIA (HBO)
Catch this – it’s a DJ CARUSO directed variation of Hitchcock’s REAR WINDOW that really works. I liked this a lot, even if it is light as air.
Grade: B –

SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL (SHOWTIME)
Had their season final – this is a show that pretends to know about hooking – they may know some high end details – but the shame here is that it’s a wasted opportunity to really give some insight into the prostitution world with a scripted show – and it’s so concerned with being light and romantic – it has some nice moments here and there – but otherwise, you can skip this one.
Grade: C -

Saw Valerie Bertonelli recently on the RACHEL RAY show. Watching those two together - completely nauseating.

OSCAR UPDATE: I was reminded of the ghastly IN MEMORIUM section – where they decided fancy camera angles were more important than seeing the actual footage and names of the people who died – shameful.

NIP/TUCK: 5th Season Finale’ (F/X)
SO even Sean’s new “crazy” girl – a completely unrealistic portrait of anyone if there ever was one. Vampires, psychos, cryogenics, murder, porn – it was all packed into the last episode of the next to last season of this once flawless show. Now the show is all flaw.
Grade: D

CLASSIC ALBUMS: JOHN LENNON – PLASTIC ONO BAND (VH1 CLASSIC)
What a great testament to awesome music, inspired writing and creation, the love affair between John and Yoko – a woman that tore the world in half. And in the midst of all that, the nuts and bolts that went into making such an amazing album (that might be my favorite in his catalogue – and I love them all but that one – very special CD.) Highly highly recommended.
Grade: A

I will be back with new reviews just as soon as I can - Digital Couch out

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THE LOST BLOG: E.R., Black 2 Future, Skins, Spectacle, Amateur Porn Sex Killer, Jon Brion, Deeper Throat, Bad Girls Club, Nip/Tuck

2009-03-23T11:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry – have been really busy – these are not new reviews but you haven’t seen them. When I did last week’s blog, I stuck to the reviews that Ralph had seen so we could have a cohesive blog – but these are the ones left out from last week because I’ve been behind on viewing – hopefully these reviews will tide you over till my next current blog – DIGITAL COUCH.

By the way - if you want to get the GREATEST female shirt around - seriously - go here.
this is a BOYFRIEND shirt - which is a man-style shirt made for woman and frankly - they are SEXY as HELL.

BLACK TO THE FUTURE (VH1)
Is a WE LOVE THE 70s type pop-culture riff with tons of talking heads – only this show focuses on all things black. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Jesse Jackson, Lionel Richie, Different Strokes, Eddie Murphy’s PARTY ALL THE TIME recording – all the great moments of black pop culture history is presented here and frankly – after watching all those other talking head shows which VH1 seems to specialize in – this one was really good. Focusing on black-only pop culture gave the show an edge and a focus. The comics were hilarious – although Hal Sparks is now sporting a scary rock star hair-do – other than that – this is really one to watch. There are too many things that fly by to really talk about – but this is a four parter that really works.
Grade: B +

ER is winding down with its last few episodes. It's been great to see some familiar faces, and Noah Whylie is particularly good in these episodes as Dr. Carter. Looking forward to seeing more familiar faces as the long running series finally comes to an end.

To everyone who witnessed Steve Harvey and his wife talking about the book they wrote about their love on the Oprah Winfrey show – let me know if you’re planning mass suicide. I might join you - because this was the worst spectacle of pseudo-celebrity ass kissing I’ve ever seen.

SPECTACLE (SUNDANCE)
Elvis Costello is really the best. He sings, he writes, he plays – and he has great questions and insights and a genuine curiosity for all his guests and a true pure love of music. I sometimes wish they’d sing some more familiar tunes instead of playing to the obscure crowd as I don’t know half the songs he’s reeling off – but when something magical happens – like Elvis and Lou Reed singing “Perfect Day” or Elvis singing “Border Song” to an astonished Elton John – this show is alive and pumping. This is a show that needs a first season soundtrack out ASAP. Truly, first rate.
Grade: A

SKINS (BBC DVD)
I had heard so much about this BBC show about the real lives of young adults – I thought I was in for a treat. I was and I wasn’t. It’s good and very watchable – but unlike what I was hoping for – which was realism – it’s really over the top and actually wickedly funny – just not what I was expecting. That said – there are some amazing scenes and some really clever stuff going on here – and the young actors are miraculous and the whole thing has sort of a TRAINSPOTTING vibe. I just don’t think it has the gravity to make you love it. It’s missing a bit of heart - although I’m only in the middle of series 1. Each episode focuses on a different kid – I particularly loved the girl with the eating disorder who kept getting strange texts to her cell that would say “EAT!” Even better was this weird tracking shot of her fingers running down a stairs banister…maybe you had to see it…anyway – if this gets much better I’ll let you know. There’s a little too much “clever comedy” for its good that keeps it from getting to the next level. So far…
Grade: B -

UPDATE: Started watching Disc 2 and it’s getting much better and much deeper.

SNUFF: A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT KILLING ON CAMERA (DVD)
Revolting and fascinating, this docu attempts to explore the “myth” of onscreen killing. It’s mostly talking heads with a few really disturbing shots here and there – they even include the entire segment from the end of a 75’ film called “SNUFF.” SNUFF was notorious back in the day for purporting to really kill someone at the end of the film. I remember renting SNUFF with some friends when it came out on VHS - we all were very freaked out at that ending. As the film – which is LAUGHABLE, ends, the “director” starts telling the actress how great she was and it leads to a supposedly impromptu make out session on the bed while the crew packs up. Suddenly – the director turns violent, and with the help of the crew, he kills and literally guts the woman. Now, I have to tell you – back in the day – me and all my friends were completely freaked and convinced we had seen a murder. It didn’t seem possible – and at the time – I should’ve realized that the PARTY CENTER in Brooklyn on Ralph Avenue – a candy, party supply and VHS rental shop would probably not have rented an actual on screen killing to a bunch of young boys. And yet, I always remembered that scene for being completely realistic for it’s time and just plain real. This docu begins early on by showing the entire sequence. 20 years later – I feel a bit snookered. The ending is actually so fake – so obviously fake – that I’m embarrassed I fell for it. Anyway – the film – while just mostly talking heads with some truly disturbing violent shots scattered throughout – is quite entertaining, disturbing and while some of the talking heads don’t really seem qualified to speak on the subject of SNUFF films – we do get a pretty full bodied idea of what a SNUFF film supposedly is. SNUFF is not nessessarily the act of just killing on camera – serial killers have been doing that for years. But a true SNUFF film in the commercial sense means somebody is murdered on camera for profit from the sick people who want to watch it. The film debates whether snuff is real or an urban myth. The answer – I don’t know. It probably doesn’t exist in the massive way some might think – but according to these folks and some news accounts – it exists. I will skip the Russian Child Porn Snuff ring – truly – one of the – I can’t even say. You can always see the movie if you’re interested in knowing about it – but it was apparently real and – wow. As horrifying as that was, there was nothing more horrifying to me than the last 10 minutes of the film, which had adult film producer Marc Rosen give a fully realistic account of the day he went to a LA hotel to meet some distributors who had something “outrageous” they wanted him to distribute. Marc sullenly gives a description of what he saw and starts to cry from the memory of this tape he was shown 20 plus years ago. I can’t recommend this film to anyone – but if you ever had a curiosity about the subject – this film offers a LOT of answers.
Grade: B +

And as far as the 1975 notorious classic SNUFF, For those interested – here is the trailer – probably creepier than anything in the actual movie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggP5cG1gLqg

I WAS A TEENAGE IDOL (VH1)
This is turning into a really good show. That kid from Baywatch is insane. Chris Atkins is cool. UPDATE:
I just watched the finale and not only did they try to give all the guys some decent hook ups for the future, some of them even got countdown shows on VH1 – maybe it won’t lead anywhere – but I think we’ll be seeing some of the people featured on this show. I liked the upbeat nature of this and I liked the camaraderie in the house as opposed to the feuding train wrecks that usually happens in these reality shows – I wouldn’t mind seeing another edition of this. Very enjoyable and somewhat cathartic in a way.
Grade: B -

AMATEUR PORN STAR KILLER (DVD)
DIG COUCH NOTE: Regardless of my reviews, these are squalid, hard to get through films and work in the very genre they set out to – but not much else. My deepest warning against watching these unless you have an intense curiosity. – DIG COUCH

Okay, not only did I never think I’d ever review a title like this for my site, but I never thought I’d be giving it a POSITIVE review. The truth is – this is a squalid, depressing little tape that has somehow spawned 2 sequels (I have seen neither – yet) – but it’s insanely real, if a bit overly artistic (I know – it sounds crazy.) The 73 minute film is basically this dude who picks up this girl in his car while he videotapes from either the worst video camera ever to exist, or we’re watching a copy of a copy of a copy – and sometimes the quality jumps from decent to horrendous to just plain annoyingly arty (or what the filmmaker thinks comes off as arty – is actually completely annoying and takes you out of the movie.) What’s left however, is an insanely gripping and mesmerizing 70 minutes of this dude talking this young girl into…well – the title says it all. But that’s all it is – the movie never leaves this shot. And that is the pull of it. And the acting – mostly improv – of the director/star and the girl – is absolutely real and believable – and as it goes on – this becomes one of the creepiest things I’d ever seen. But undeniably alive and raw.
Grade: B

UPDATE:
I watched Part 2. It’s much creepier. Maybe even evil. They offer two dvds – one is the FILM version (more pretense) – the other dvd is simply called THE KILLER’S SNUFF CUT with EVIDENCE marked on the disc – I chose that one just to see how far he would go with this premise. The same killer is back, and he goes much further with the premise this time around. It’s starker, darker, meaner – and much more sexually graphic – and violent. This does not make for feel-good watching – but as an absorbing piece of scripted reality, this is the real deal and you will need many showers and perhaps therapy after watching this.
Grade: B +

Someone just gave me part 3 – I’m extremely hesitant to watch. The only saving grace is its called THE FINAL CHAPTER.

JON BRION at LARGO (3 FRIDAY NIGHTS AGO)
I love Jon Brion – but I didn’t love this 3 hour fest that STARTED at 10 30 and went until the wee hours – with only 2 recognizable songs played the entire night. (Although – I slept through at least 4 songs – so maybe he did something awesome while I was sleeping.) He brought on a merry band of entertainers popular in the indie music world and they basically jammed. Frankly, for the money my friend Adam S. paid for me to attend this, I would’ve preferred some format to the show and maybe some real entertainment – instead it reminded me of being at your friends house when everyone else is drunk and on drugs except you – and they have musical instruments. The only instrument I needed was a gun – for Jon Brion, for my buddy Adam, and then of course for my mouth.
Grade: D +

THE VISITOR (DVD SCREENER)
Richard Jenkins is awesome in a film that somehow was generic, slow and predictable. Not to say it didn’t have some fine offbeat moments, but the only reason to watch this is for Jenkins wonderful performance as a stiff businessman trying to loosen up.
Grade: C -

THE BARBERA WALTERS SPECIAL (ABC)
The Jonas Brothers. Insipid. Ann Hathaway. Insiped. Mickey Rourke. Inspired – and insane.
Grade: eh. Barbera doesn’t ask anything remotely interesting anymore, so – who cares?

FAMILY GUY (FOX)
A stellar outing that saw their paralyzed cop friend in need of 20,000 dollars – Peter’s answer – rob Lois’ dad for millions. There was WAY too much going on in this episode to recount every funny laugh out loud moment – but this was a superlative outing for the show and a reminder of just how great this show could be.
Grade: A

UPDATE: While I was sick I watched MANY FAMILY GUY episodes on TOON. Watching a bunch of them, I have to say that there is a undeniable quality to them that is undeniable. When you are sick in bed and these shows are making you laugh out loud – you know it’s a classic. I saw the one where Stewie goes to High School to prove he’s cool. I saw Brian discover he has a 15 year old troublesome son. I saw Brian the dog nearly seduce Peter’s wife. And I saw Peter get a stroke from eating 80 greasy hamburgers. If you can’t tell – I fucking LOVE this show.

DEEPER THROAT (SHOWTIME)
A variation on last year’s hard R-rated DEBBIE DOES DALLAS AGAIN, once again we have a half hour Showtime series that chronicles the remaking of a classic porn film while telling comical stories about the industry and the zany characters that inhabit it. I remember last year’s DEBBIE got very cloying at the end and seemingly either scripted or very tightly produced to get certain results. Credit Showtime with going a little further in the unscripted department this time around. Although that scene with Steve Hersch and his wife in bed might as well have been accompanied by a laugh track. What’s really and truly special about this show – one of the things that made DEBBIE as fun as it was despite its flaws – is the weekly depiction of the artistic porn director, Paul Thomas. He’s great. He simply has the very worst creative instincts every single time around, but because he’s picked up a pretentious Hollywood vibe and way of speaking – he gets away with it all the time because it SOUNDS like he knows what he’s doing. Seeing his boss yell at him over the script for DEEPER THROAT (P.T. thought it should be re-imagined as a fairy tale) was bracing – although – I think Hersch went over the top for the cameras. But this one seems to have a bit more bite than DEBBIE did, and I’ll definitely be watching to see this unfold. I just realized I didn’t mention the bit about the girls who come in to audition to be the new Linda Lovelace. It was pretty funny – all these porn chicks came to show that they have the particular “talent” this role needs. Of course, they needed to demonstrate it with a huge sex toy. And then Showtime would always cut away, which kind of – I mean – I don’t know why they felt the need to censor themselves on that – but that’s the problem with these shows about porn – they want to be lighthearted about a very dark subject matter. It’s literally a show that dwells on the comedy aspect of it (which isn’t really funny since it’s being overproduced with cloying, unfunny music.) The fiery blonde New York girl was hilarious about her skills, and I should mention that they auditioned Sasha Grey, who’s been in porn since she’s 18, and has also been a big staple in articles that cite her age and her mature attitude. She’s even going to be starring in a Soderbergh film in the next few months. Go figure. After the camera spends five minutes with her – you tend to think this very smart girl could do just about anything. She was pretty funny in a way the show is not. She was talking about the fact that “DEEP THROAT” “probably has absolutely nothing to do with Watergate.”
Grade: B

UPDATE: Watched ep 2 – and wouldn’t you know it – we are back to FULLY SCRIPTED PROGRAMMING. At its worst. Sorry, I wanted to love this – but you don’t need to script – just shoot what happens and edit it. Must we get non-actors delivering bad jokes with the worst line readings. It’s almost like a porn except without the sex. Brianna Banks, one of Vivid’s biggest stars is featured in this ep and truly sounded like a man – it was a little scary. And again, we spend just a bit of time with Sascha Grey, who honestly should just have her own show. She’s everything this show is not – smart, funny, ironic – Why, if she wasn’t in porn, I might just be forced to make an honest woman of that ms. Grey. And together, we’d forget about her porno past and start fresh….and then Seinfeld will come back for another season along with a 2 hour finale movie version of HILL STREET BLUES!
(more on the SEINFELD situation later.)

I LOVE MONEY 2 (VH1)
Ridiculous and yet – so very watchable. My money (I think) is on The Entertainer – he gotta get out of his mother’s house! But this show is undeniably fun if not terribly cohesive – actually it’s a mess, but a good kind of mess. Buddha must be stopped.

VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA (DVD)
The Woodman, since marrying his daughter, has stepped out and stepped it up. No longer making sophisticated films about NYC, after a string of almost shitty movies, now makes great films with international locales. This latest, about two best friends on vacation in Barcelona, takes a wild turn when they meet Javier Bardeem – a romantic Spanish artist who, after initially coming on to them for sex, ends up in a truly unique friendship with both of them – he beds one and falls for the other. He and one of the ladies are living in bliss until Penelope Cruz, who one the Oscar for her role (she’s THAT good) as Javier’s ex shows up. This is a great slice of life among the rich, eccentric and talented and it has that air about it that sort of makes you feel like you’re in that lifestyle as you watch it. Woody Allen is an amazing director and if you think he’s not relevant anymore, check out this film, which is both low-key and one of the best of the year.
Grade: A -

THE AMAZING RACE (CBS)
I don’t usually watch this but my friend MIKE WHITE and his dad are on this year – so – I have to watch and I’m enjoying what I’m seeing – this is a class act among reality shows – if a bit frantic and at times hard to follow. Still – it has a great format and Mike and his dad are kicking ass! Grade: B -

LISA LAMPONELLI (HBO)
I loved Lisa when I first became aware of her on the PAM ANDERSON. I like Lisa on the Stern show. But let’s face it – I’ve now seen her COM CENTRAL hour and now her brand new HBO hour. I’m sorry – I know she’s the hot comic of the moment – but she hasn’t changed her act in years, and her act is as thin as she is not. It’s literally the same shtick every single time – she uses the N word frequently – in fact – she slags everyone but believe me, that’s not the problem. If you want to see someone being controversial AND funny – look to Sarah Silverman – if you want to see someone just hoping that the controversial words will bring laughter – here comes Lisa Lamponelli – who not only goes for it with gusto on the racist diatribes – but she doesn’t have any real material behind it. She kind of fashions herself as the female Andrew Dice Clay – only – let’s face it – Dice used to be KILLER FUNNY – love him or hate him – he has a Point Of View to his craft and told a story. Lamponelli should just stick to short sets, the Stern show, the Kimmel show – roasts – she’s great. But for a full hour - I didn’t laugh once. And the crux of her act seems to be “Look how wild I am.” Seriously – half her stories have to do with people finding her offensive. Lisa – let me give you a little advice in that department – the idea is to go out and BE funny and controversial if you have to – THEN OTHER PEOPLE talk about it – when YOU TALK ABOUT it during your act and you pat yourself on the belly for being so “crazy” – it comes off as pathetic. Truly. Sorry – I once considered Lisa one of the best comics out there – these hour specials have exposed her as a true one trick pony. And the one trick is REALLY OLD.
Grade: D

KURT COBAIN: THE MAN & HIS WORDS (IFC)
Ok, I got the title wrong and I’m too lazy too look It up – but it plays all the time on IFC. A great docu with hours of audio recordings from Kurt himself who I think was writing a book and the dialog is played out over images that were important to Kurt’s life. Slow moving but completely moving – I loved it.
Grade: B +

THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXY)
More of the same. Trashy and wild, but somehow not as interesting as seasons past. Yet, this episode that took place in Cancun was pretty wild – even for this show’s standards. Throughout the episode it seemed that some horrifying incident was being foreshadowed, as clouds gathered around the two AMBERS. After a wild wet bikini contest, in which two of our Bad Girls were in and lost to a totally foxy local (sorry, but all the bad girls this season – especially the two in the contest – looks like they have put on 40 pounds each. They’re still lovely – but they ain’t winning no bikini contest – not in America – as they both said was the problem – and not anywhere. After screaming about losing the contest (which the audience voted on) one of the girls complained that she was yelled out for throwing ice – something she claims she didn’t do, somehow the anger turned towards the brighter Amber of the two Ambers. Allyeah, who I truly believe is actually mentally retarded – not just joking – she’s really in need of some help, goaded them into a fight with the Ambers and the hour ended with a disturbing street fight that left one of the Ambers laying in the street half-dead (seemingly.) I can’t wait till next week.
Grade: B -

ONE MAN, ONE CUP (THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET)
Someone evil forwarded this to me. Not only can I not even come close to describing what I saw in print – but I will say this – it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in all my life – and I don’t know yet that I’ll ever be able to un-see it. Help me. God help me. And all of humanity.

DISTURBIA (HBO)
Catch this – it’s a DJ CARUSO directed variation of Hitchcock’s REAR WINDOW that really works. I liked this a lot, even if it is light as air.
Grade: B –

SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL (SHOWTIME)
Had their season final – this is a show that pretends to know about hooking – they may know some high end details – but the shame here is that it’s a wasted opportunity to really give some insight into the prostitution world with a scripted show – and it’s so concerned with being light and romantic – it has some nice moments here and there – but otherwise, you can skip this one.
Grade: C -

Saw Valerie Bertonelli recently on the RACHEL RAY show. Watching those two together - completely nauseating.

OSCAR UPDATE: I was reminded of the ghastly IN MEMORIUM section – where they decided fancy camera angles were more important than seeing the actual footage and names of the people who died – shameful.

NIP/TUCK: 5th Season Finale’ (F/X)
SO even Sean’s new “crazy” girl – a completely unrealistic portrait of anyone if there ever was one. Vampires, psychos, cryogenics, murder, porn – it was all packed into the last episode of the next to last season of this once flawless show. Now the show is all flaw.
Grade: D

CLASSIC ALBUMS: JOHN LENNON – PLASTIC ONO BAND (VH1 CLASSIC)
What a great testament to awesome music, inspired writing and creation, the love affair between John and Yoko – a woman that tore the world in half. And in the midst of all that, the nuts and bolts that went into making such an amazing album (that might be my favorite in his catalogue – and I love them all but that one – very special CD.) Highly highly recommended.
Grade: A