Sarah, Sarah, Sarah!

THE SARAH SILVERMAN SHOW (COM)
Clocked in with her best show to date. Sarah goes for an AIDS test, only to jump the gun and decide she has the disease before getting the results. One of the many, great, sublime moments had Sarah, post test, passing the mustard to her sister and commenting sadly, "So yellow." This was laugh out loud funny and uniquely different from EVERYTHING on the air currently. No wonder Comedy Central picked up the show for 2 more 7 episode seasons after just airing 2 episodes and getting 1.7 million viewers (huge for Comedy Central.) And of course - who predicted this: THE DIGITAL COUCH. But seriously, watch this latest episode. It's genius from beginning to end. Sarah has never been better, funnier or more confident. And the stuff with Laura Silverman and her boyfriend cop gets funnier every week. If you haven't noticed, I kind of like this show.
Grade: A +

30 ROCK (NBC)
Tracey Jordan gets some depth in an almost funny storyline with Alec Baldwin, and Liz is called the C word in a less then hilarious outing.
Grade: B -


THE OFFICE (NBC)
Continues it's D.I.H. (Descent into Hell) as they display subtle, nimble humor (the presentations given by Michael and BJ Noveck,) and display huge gaps of credibility (not only that Jim was pretending to be a Vampire, but Dwight was buying into it.) The documentary crew has all but dissapeared as a result of the increasingly out of place absurdities in a show that's supposed to be about everyday life at an office.

There are major creative problems here and after a great first season, a stellar 2nd season - THE OFFICE AMERICA has now just about hit the rails in this latest episode. The shame here is that this was one of the best comedies on tv up until this year. But characters like Dwight and Angela and their over the top acting styles have rendered both characters useless. And the show has realy increased its reliance on sitcom-like plots and devices. Any day now they'll add a laugh track. They might as well. That Pam is back with Roy - and he would be SUCH an obvious asshole - and that she would so obviously be not into it - is bad writing.

They could've been clever and had Roy grow a bit. But anyone watching will quickly realize that this love triangle is becoming awfully easy to call. Can this show be saved? Maybe. But it's currently showing no signs of life.

And this season, the 3rd, is when many great shows have their ABBY ROAD season. This was not one of them.
Grade: C -


HOWARD TV: ON DEMAND:
BEETLEJUICE DEPRESSED
BeetleJuice, usually so full of life and anger, found himself in the studio, suicidaly depressed (speculation was that he was upset he had to leave Sean's house and go back to living with his mother.) It was a rare display of the beating heart that is the very soul of the Stern show. A strangely serious episode that was very reassuring in it's message.
Grade: A

ARTIE'S BIG SCORE
Just a discussion of Artie hooking up in Vegas that had me laughing from beginning to end. Artie is just this great funny tragic figure. The fact that his sex life is now fodder for great comedy only adds to the tragedy.
Grade: B +

SAL'S MARITAL CONFFESSIONS (RADIO SHOW ONLY)
As harrowing and painful as any Ingmar Bergman film on the subject of Marriage. Sal plays audio tapes he secretly recorded at home during a picture taking session. It sounds like suburban hell. How Sal has sex is something that I've never heard of in my life.
Grade: A

JEFF, THE VOMIT GUY
Paris Gables was beautiful. What she did over Jeff, the vomit guy, was not. I don't want to really describe here what happened - I don't want to ruin anyone's day. If you really want to know - ask me in the COMMENTS SECTION. But as compelling as Paris was, it was Jeff, The Vomit Guy who stole the show with his Woody Allen-esque delivery, his uncompromising look at various sexual acts, and his general good humored demeanor. Completely vile. And hilarious. Grade: B +


HOWARD MARRIAGE RAP
Very funny considering Howard has recently proposed to longtime girlfriend Beth O. Personally, I'm happy about it - and this blog wishes Howard and Beth the absolute best in their marital life. However, hearing Howard rant about marriage in the old KROQ tapes, saying, just 2 years ago, that to be married in this day and age "you'd have to be fucking retarded" - that is the best wedding gift of all. The King of All Media is FINALLY getting some well deserved shit and those tapes that he fought so hard for are now here to bite him right in his ass. It's an absolute delight hearing Howard cringe, and I think this new twist to Howard's life will add a whole new chapter to this never ending soap opera that in now better then ever. If you've ever thought about subscribing to Sirious Radio, it's the least money you'll ever spend on some of the truly best entertainment ever. For Howard Stern fans, this is nirvana.
Grade: A +

If you don't recieve the HOWARD STERN show - you have no excuse. Go HERE:
http://shop.sirius.com/


LOST (ABC)
An episode with most of the characters we love and none of THE OTHERS. The problem is it now seems a bit quaint compared to what else is going on at the other island. Nonetheless, this show is very much back on creative track and I'm glad they seem to have some surprises in store for us.
Grade: B


THE REAL WORLD: DENVER (MTV)
Even though I'm somewhat bored at this point by the mostly retarded cast, I do like Stephen and I kind of like David (even though he's the guy that broke up Lance and whatshisname!) - but this was the furthest MTV ever went in showing an actual gay relationship without pretense or bullshit.
Grade: B


THE BAD GIRL'S CLUB (OXYGEN)
Foget the REAL WORLD. These girls are fucking CRAZY.
Grade: A


THE WHITE RAPPER SHOW (VH1)
Dwindles down to 5 rappers - my money was on Persia, and now that she's bounced - I don't think I care who wins.
Grade: C +


ELLEN w/JENNIFER HUDSON (Synd)
Had Jennifer Hudson. Let's talk about Mrs. Hudson for a moment. I love her. I think she's beautiful, has a great voice, bubbly personality - however, I've now watched about 8 different interviews with her where she does the same exact thing - she thanks God, she makes some really horrible jokes, (the extent and scope of her bad jokes and quips and asides cannot be minimized - she's a borderline SNL sketch) and she can't believe what's happening to her!

I think she's had an incredible year - but does she have any depth? Does she have any interesting insight as to her journey? Can she be that simple? I still love her, but maybe time to take her off the talk show circuit till she has something to say. And I'm not picking on her - it's impossible to pick on someone who's probably going to have a Grammy, a Golden Globe and an Oscar within two weeks.


GREY'S ANATOMY (ABC)
Still watching the first season dvd - which keeps getting better - but the relationship between Isaah Washington and Sandra Oh? Completely ridiculous and out of nowhere - and even worse - it doesn't even work - it actually works against the show. I'll be curious to see where this goes. Everyone tells me Season 2 is where GREY'S really gets meaty.


STUDIO 60 (NBS)
Wow - a whole hour where Matt Perry wore his hat backwards (to signify crazy, reckless youth) and had flashbacks to when he met Harriet and started writing her fantastic sketches. I withstood about 9 minutes of this before deleting.
So long, Studio 60 - it was ok while it lasted, but let's be real - it had no business being on the air.
Grade: D
UPDATE: I recently read a bunch of good things about this episode - so bear that in mind - though I suspect I'd hate it even more if I had continued.


DR. PHIL on LETTERMAN (CBS)
The 2 guys don't like each other - but rather then lead to sparks, it lead to boredom with an air of uncomfortablity.


Drew Barrymore on LETTERMAN (CBS)
No birthday surprise for Dave this time around. Drew is sucking in her cheeks and straightening her hair to show how "serious"she's gotten. I pray WORDS & MUSIC makes less then 30 dollars.


THE WEDDING CRASHERS (DVD)
Watched again - this time watched the UNCORKED edition, which takes a first rate comedy and gives it some more character and some dirtier jokes. This is a GREAT comedy - with a razor sharp script courtesy of the brilliant Steve Faber.
Grade: A +


I LOVE NY (VH1)
Not as outragous this week. But always compellingly trashy.


THE SURREAL LIVE (VH1)
Ron Jeremy made bad, pathetic sex jokes for a full hour. CC left and the whole affair was pretty stupid.
Grade: C -


ROCKY BALBOA: THE BEST OF ROCKY (CD)
A bit of a shame. Bill Conti created a wonderful, moving score for the last film in this beloved series, and instead, they release a lovely collection of oldies mostly culled from ROCKY 1, a few cuts from 2 & 3, (EYE OF THE TIGER, BURNING HEART) - the rock songs of the Bill Conti-less ROCKY 4, where Rocky ended the Cold War. (No Easy Way Out - Heart's On Fire.) And the horrid GO FOR IT scored by Bill Conti for the excrecable ROCKY 5. Still - as far as best of's go - this one's pretty great, collecting almost all of the key tracks from all the films. Yet I'd like the opportunity to enjoy the final score - especially the new ROCKY theme that was a tribute to Maynard Ferguson, who scored a huge hit in the 70s with his version of GONNA FLY NOW with his towing Sax front and center. Maynard was supposed to come in and put his sax into the GONNA FLY NOW for the finale, but he died too soon. On another ROCKY BALBOA note, I heard that a part was created for MR. T to reprise CLUBBER LANG as a sports commentator. I wonder if this was an idea that didn't get used or if there's footage that could turn up on the dvd.
Grade: A
But for the non-release of the new Bill Conti score:
Grade: F



ON THE STREETS: The Lives Of Adolescent Sex Trade Workers
Truly heartbreaking and completely riveting at the same time, it's literary dynamite.
Grade: A +


THE POLICE TOUR
Was excited about this until I saw their re-worked ROXANNE at the Grammys and I remembered that Sting likes to fuck up existing Police songs into sounded like they came out of a blender. Fucking Sting. He even looks like an asshole.


THE SECRET (DVD)
I can't tell you much about "the law of attraction," but then again, I'm a good secret keeper. Will this disc, touted by many as having the powers to completely change your life, completely change your life? Hmmm...I don't know - but it's an interesting theory and I am going to try it. If I notice I become more succsessful then in my wildest dreams, I'll let you know.


I promised you more shite about Catherine McFuckFace - here it is letter to the editor from last week's EW in something called:
FADING McPheever: "In one short article, Kat McPhee managed to alienate fans of Celine Dion ("She's not really what you hear - it's all studio smoke and mirrors") MeatLoaf ("I thought he was a total joke and that Ashton Kutcher was PUNKING me - he's grotesque") Justin Timberlake ("will NEVER overcome his cheesy boy band roots - he's a joke.") and fellow IDOL contestant Rubin Studderd ("I would NEVER that guy's albums.") I sort of liked her on IDOL, but who ever thought she was this self-centered?"

The DIGITAL COUCH says: I think all of our McPhever is fading.

BAM'S UNHOLY UNION (MTV)I love Bam. I love Jackass. I love Bam in Jackass. I don't really like VIVA LA BAM- though I do like WILDBOYS (Steve 0 and Chris Pontiaus) - however - this show - is complete and utter shit. It comes as close as any "reality" show could possibly come to being completely scripted and fully contrived by producers to the point where you go from "scene" to "scene." You can literally imagine the outline in your head that the writers came up with - and Bam's mother is funny when she's being real - not putting it on for the cameras. This must have seemed like a good idea - but it's deadly bad. It's as scripted as HOGAN KNOWS BEST and only about a tenth as entertaining. And HOGAN KNOWS BEST ain't that entertaining.
Grade: F


AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
Not much to say, except that I was suprised by the amount of people that were cut. I can't berleive they kept that completely ridiculous "Hips Don't Lie" girl with her insane accent and her superstar demeanor. Or maybe she's just good television.
Grade: B -

My friend Diane's SURF REPORT has had some really tasty IDOL centric stuff - so, reprinted from her FANTASTIC newsletter, which you can sign up for by going here:
thesurfreport@gmail.com (tell diane to add you to the list!)
It's a great daily wrap up of the new shows, reviews, what to look for - and Diane is a GREAT writer - I highly reccomend it.

Here is the scandalous American Idol article:
Controversies Spotlight Idol's Tom Lowe
BY NIKKI FINKE
The latest controversy: 28-year-old ex-British boy-band'er Tom Lowe is the target of not just one but four controversies, which is a rarity even for that Fox show. Allegations include that Lowe is too successful, or too well-connected, to compete fairly on the show. Then there's the report this runner-up "Britain Choirboy of the Year" posed nude (with all the appropriate places covered) for a trendy British magazine. A college interview presents him as the first "out" gay American Idol contestant.

There are headlines how he's had influential helpers -- so influential that the British press alleges one of them may be Simon Cowell himself, and the Boston Herald says the other is the Massachusetts Tourism Board. But there's also another issue: just what, exactly, is American Idol supposed to be? Is it an obvious avenue for finding undiscovered talent (like Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood)? Or is it a shrewd method of banking on a sure thing (like Taylor Hicks, who'd already put out an album pre- Idol). And what about the show's forced notion of "wholesomeness"?

Contestant Lowe by age 18 was already an accomplished singer and a one-time British teen heartthrob. The former Take That backup vocalist on the group's 1995 UK tour followed that up with a UK hit two years later as part of the boy-band North and South, featured in a British kids TV series No Sweat. That group hit No. 7 on the UK singles chart with "Man Not a Boy", but despite the hype, sales were disapppointing and the band broke up in 1999. Lowe also had some acting success on London's West End -- the equivalent of Broadway -- landing leads in Les Miserables and Cats under the name "Tom Lucas". From there, he traveled to Harvard University where, as Thomas P. Lowe, he graduated in East Asian studies in 2005.

At Harvard, he became something of a campus legend, first competing for the title of Mr. Harvard in which contestants were "parading in bathing suits, shaking scantily-clad behinds to the tunes of Britney Spears, and performing a racy striptease," described the Harvard Crimson student newspaper. Then, "in his subdued mohawk and slight trace of black eyeliner", he was a wannabe rock-star in the campus band "Tommy and the Tigers," according to the paper, which noted that Lowe's costume choices included a pink lounge suit.

In a 2005 interview with the Crimson, Lowe appears to out himself. "Harvard allows me to dress however I want, wear my hair however I want, sleep with whomever I want," he said. He announces plans to move to New York to meet with talent agents and "sees himself playing a British rock star on The O.C. or Desperate Housewives. In the latter show, Lowe predicts he will take part in 'a gay love affair with Teri Hatcher's boyfriend. He'll meet me and decide that he is questioning his sexuality. He'll fall for my British accent.'"

The next ruckus to surround him: when the Boston Herald reported in December 2006 that Massachusetts taxpayers footed the bill for a $60,000 six-month contract to star Lowe, then an aspiring Idol contestant, in a $400,000 Web-TV video tourism promo.

The Herald reported that tourism board critics wondered why Lowe was signed up for such a long period of time in the first place. Talk about a lucky break. Then his Tourism Board bosses approached the Boston Red Sox and next thing Lowe was belting out the "The Star-Spangled Banner" in Fenway Park.

Looking blond and buff, Lowe auditioned for Idol 6 in Seattle, and immediately established himself as one of the best singers. He was called "the best-kept secret" on the Internet when he sang the Luther Vandross soul classic "Always and Forever". Though the Seattle auditions were kinda lousy, Lowe's solid one wasn't aired on Fox. (It did on ITV2 in the UK on January 19th. It's here on YouTube.)

One reason why: during his audition, Lowe was asked by judge Randy Jackson, "Simon ever try to sign your band? Replied Lowe: "No, but I believe Simon was working for BMG at the same time I was there." Jackson looked like he'd unearthed a secret. " Well, Simon," he asked. "Small world," an embarrassed-looking Cowell answered. "Small world," Jackson repeated. Immediately, the British press ran headlines how "the fix is in" on American Idol 6 and accused Cowell of planting the British pop star who was once signed to his record company. Certainly Lowe's singing ability and good looks were reason enough to move him to Hollywood. Meanwhile, the Internet began buzzing about Lowe's having "outed" himself in the Harvard Crimson.

Audiences won't find out whether Tom Lowe moves into the semifinalist round until Wednesday. But already reports are circling that Lowe didn't make it into the top 24 contestants. So did all these controversies hurt Lowe's Idol chances? You think?

Also from Diane's newsletter - remember how I didn't understand what was going on with THE GRAMMYS decision to have this weird vote thing where someone got to sing with Justin Timerlake? Diane's newsletter answered the question: Apparantly, CBS ran the contest for a month online, and the girl that got picked was a girl who was turned down on-air on IDOL. I still thought it was a really dumb idea to make the Grammys a game show.

I had a really nice post,

But my AOL shut down and I lost everything - since I don't have time to re-do - here is the aborted post in it's aborted form:

THE GRAMMYS (CBS)
LIKED:POLICE REUNION - did not like Sting's horrible take on the song - but that's his thing - to take classics and make them unrecognizable - can't wait for the tour.
Best perf of the nite: Knarle's Barkely doing a stellar version of CRAZY.
The American Idol thing was shockingly stupid.
Does Jaime Foxx actually now think he IS Ray Charles?
Carrie Underwood is much better then I ever thought.
That HOTEL CALIFORNIA cover sounded really good.


INVINCIBLE (DVD)
Part RUDY, part THE ROOKIE - no parts original. But Marky Mark is good and so is Greg Kinear as the coach who takes a chance on him.
Grade: B -

JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR (MAX)
Good music, harrowing story, film debut of singing porn actor PAUL THOMAS.
Grade: B +

BACHELOR PARTY (MAX)
I had forgotten it ended with a bad car chase.
Grade: B -


STERN TV - ON DEMAND
THE FAT GUYS
Artie, Benjy and the rest of the heavyweights in the cast all step on the scale (Mostly shirtless) to see who the true heavyweight it. It was no surprised that Arite won with 296 pounds - the shocker are the other weights. Benjy (who could not look more absolutely horrifying naked) was almost 260 and a good 3 inches shorter then Artie. Between his man breast and horrible skin rashes - this was disturbing. Scott Salem, the engineer - 256 pounds! Tim Sabean, the very seldom heard show manager - 254! And he pulled Artie's pants down! Howard lifted his shirt and shocked the casual viewer with how in shape he is.
All in all, another hilarious outing for the gang.
Grade: A

30 ROCK (NBC)
Valentine's Day. Liz gets flowers - Isabell Rosalinni thinks she can act funny. She can't.
Grade: B -


EXTRAS (HBO)
The best. Better then ever. Only one epsode left - maybe forever?Grade: A

THREE TIMES (DVD)I tried to watch this foreign romance THREE TIMES. It put me to bed THREE TIMES.


I don't know what Chris Elliot was trying to do on LETTERMAN the other night, but it was funny.


SNL: (Forrest Whittaker) (NBC)
Continues it's tradition of taking actors I love and making them into actors I hate.


HIGH ON CRACK STREET (HBO)
Long lost HBO docu.
Grade: A

SARAH SILVERMAN SHOW (COM)
Continues it's quest to be the most original show on tv with another fine episode, this one higlighting the hijinks of her gay neighbors. Steve Agee, who plays the couple's other half, is a real find. Their storyline this week with the karate was great. I'd try to describe this week's ep, but it defies description. Just watch if you want to see the funniest new show on TV. And keep your eyes peeled for a quickie cameo by a late-nite fixture whose name rhymes with PAL.
Grade: A

American Dad (Fox)
Used to be funnier.
Grade: C

FAMILY GUY (Fox)
Funnier then ever. Peter stops drinking, so he could start crack.
Grade: A

Sorry - I had better reviews but the server shut down and I lost everything. You'll get a better one on Friday.

By the way -

THE NEW BILLY JOEL SONG:
Kind sucks.
He's dressed ridiculously like Sinatra, and sings ridiculously like Tony Bennet.
Billy, you're great.
Just be your self.

And apparantly, a lot of people are hating Katherine McFuckFace - she did a bunch of interviews and tv appearances in support of her new CD, and alienated a whole new crop of people. I'll try to find the article for Thursday.

Also coming Thu: The twisted tale of the movie that made only 30 bux! (Written, directed and produced by my buddy!)

Sorry this blog got screwed up - write a letter to AOL!

The Return of LOST and: The PIANO MAN RETURNS (sort of)

EXCLUSIVE: Billy Joel Shares Love Song for His Wife (NEW SONG FROM THE PIANO MAN!!!) (interview reprinted w/out permission from http://www.people.com/ )
By Liza Hamm

In 2005, Billy Joel, 57, wrote a ballad for his wife Katie Lee Joel, 25, to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. Now, he's releasing that song, "All My Life," as a single – and PEOPLE has the exclusive first listen. (Click here to hear the song.) In honor of the occasion, the Piano Man spoke to PEOPLE about the makings of a great love song. "It's not a typical "Billy Joel song." I thought it would be great for Tony Bennett. I hope he does it, anyway. I recorded it with a full orchestra – a real old-fashioned session just like they did in the '50s. And I dressed like Frank Sinatra. I took on a whole other persona. Why try a different kind of music?I was always a little wary of being termed a balladeer. [But] at this point in my life, I don't care. I don't think a love song is substantial if it's all candy. There's a good deal of regret in this song. I have regrets in my life. Anyone who says they don't have regrets hasn't really lived. Are you a fan of Valentine's Day?It depends. When you're in love, it's great. When things aren't going well, it's a bah humbug day."

Joel also shared his five favorite love songs:1) "Whole Lotta Love," Led Zeppelin: "It's a slamming hot love song."2) "One for the Road," Frank Sinatra: "Even when I was a kid and heard that song, I got it."3) "Symphony No. 6," Beethoven: "You can hear that he was passionately in love when he wrote that."4) "In My Life," the Beatles: "I don't know why. It's like being in love. You don't know why. You just are."5) "Lay, Lady, Lay," Bob Dylan: "It's very languorous and he is such a great songwriter."

DIGITAL COUCH SAYS:
Well, this doesn't happen too often - a new Billy Joel song. The first one since 1991's RIVER OF DREAMS. That's 16 years. Long time. So last night, I thought I'd check the site a day early (it was supposed to come out today (Friday.) And I kind of stopped everything I was doing and sat down to listen to the first original Billy Joel song in 16 years. I don't think it's fair to share my impression of it just yet - rather, go to the link if you're interested - it's the PEOPLE web site - and scan down and hit PLAY - cou can't miss it and it's ez. I'll do a review of the song for Monday's blog.
Go HERE for the link to hear the new BILLY JOEL song:
http://www.people.com/people/static/h/package/billyjoel/


LOST (ABC)
LOST returns to the schedule with a very tight, well crafted episode that went pretty far in explaining a lot about THE OTHERS. I'm still anxious to get back to the Island with the characters we love, this was a pretty good way back into the show, which really seemed to be falling apart a few months ago. Still, someone should probably tell Sawyer to stop acting like a typical action hero with the typical action-comedy lines that went out with Schwarzenegger. His bad quips during and after the action have GOT to go. Otherwise - an impressive return. Although - didn't the communications guy say he sailed on his boat for 2 days and didn't see anything? That's why he returned. You'd think he would've seen the other Island. Or I could be thinking about it too much.
Grade: B +


THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXYGEN)
My God - this show is da bomb. I just watched the one hour pilot and was blown away by how entertaining this is. Put together by the same producers who do REAL WORLD, this is the same idea, except all the girls in the house are HOT young strippers, models, nasty socialites - really bad girls. Far too much goes on in any given episode to give a proper run down, but just watch this when you get the chance. It's utterly addicting - and these girls - truly - are mentally insane.
Grade: A

I just came across this other review of BAD GIRLS and felt compelled to reprint it here - it does better justice to the Ripsy drunken incident:

Why did I just discover this show? It debuted a couple of week’s ago on the Oxygen network and it seriously is going to sweep the Emmy’s next year. The premise is taking 7 “bad girls” aka drunk hos and putting them up in a Los Angeles house and giving them lots of booze. It’s The Real World without annoying gays and homophobic frat dudes.
The greatest moment ever in TV history comes when Ripsi drinks a whole bottle of Tequila and starts attacking Kerry (the bad girl of country music) for absolutely no reason. She honestly chokes the ho and tries to kill her! The other girls rip Ripsi off of Kerry and put her down on the sofa. Ripsi passes out for about twenty seconds and suddenly gets up and starts throwing apples at the windows. She takes her fury upstairs and starts attacking a sleeping girl named Jodie (the wannabe Pamela Anderson.) I mean Jodie is sleeping and minding her own business when Ripsi tries to tear her weave out and punches her in the eye! She passes out and wakes up not remembering a thing! I mean…
I’m telling you…this show is the stuff dreams are made of! This clip is long, but it’s worth every minute. Ripsi deserves an Oscar and a Grammy.

The Ripsi fight really does have to be seen to be believed. Ripsi is drunk and doing yoga - the next thing you know, she's drunk and angry and fighting the entire house - you gotta watch this here: now Ripsi and her friend, Zara, were drunk, doing Yoga, then suddenly Ripsi starting attacking this girl KERRI, screaming "You're so beautiful and perfect and a hider!" - she was mad at Kerri and Jodi (who she fights later) for being pretty. This clip (they didn't post the whole thing yet) picks up after the initial attack and they throw the drunken Ripsi in the pool - it only gets crazier from there.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vZT8NTGP3kU


UPDATE: I got sucked in and watched like - 7 of these half hours. It's even better than I suspected.
The saga of Zara/Tomak/Aimee has to be seen to be believed. Ripsy's drunken tirade belongs in DAWN OF THE DEAD and is one of the most entertaining things I've ever seen on a reality show.
Revised Grade: A +


I watched Conceited MchPhee on Kimmel last nite. I just hate her so much I could barely stand it. She is so full of herself - she's a disrespectful young girl. She made fun of Meatloaf and other Idol contestants in the past - thinks she's just the bomb, says she don't need IDOL to be famous - and on Jimmy's show made fun of Dane Cook's haircut. Not that Dane Cook is any genius, (far from it) but at least he struggled to become well known. And he is a genius at manipulating MY SPACE to make the world believe he's funny.

The psuedo commercial for BABE RUTH on Kimmel's show the same show was hilarious. Probably funnier then any SNL commercial parody all year.


STUDIO 60 (NBS)
Part 2 of "the harriet dinner" kind of renegged on everything I liked about part 1. Not a great finish. The idea that the Asian guy spoke English the whole time was insulting, as was the general direction of this whole thing. And I don't think I could bare one more shot of a lovelorn Mathew Perry. In fact, if they run with that shot again - I might die.
Grade: D

THE OFFICE (NBC)
Phyliss' wedding episode. Mostly very funny. This ep felt a little different in that the humor was a bit more subtle. Whenever this show is subtle, it reminds me of the much better, funnier and heartfelt BBC version - but last night the humor was small - so the laughs were big.
Grade: B +

40 GREATEST REALITY MOMENTS (vh1)
Pretty fun rundown of the last 10 years in reality tv. Certainly not nessessary viewing, but if u're truly bored, this could be the ticket.
Grade: C


PRARIE HOME COMPANION (DVD)
Boy, could I not get into this movie. Lindsey Lohan is torn between being good and REALLY sucking - but the movie is just (I think) mainly for fans of....I'm not sure. I guess Robert Altman.


AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
I'm ready for the competition to start. But that one contestant at the end where they brought her back was a nail-biter.
Grade:B


DATELINE: TO CATCH A PREDATOR (NBC)
Always saliciously great.
Grade: A


THE DESCENT (ON - DEMAND)
I watched a full-screen version of the unedited version of this film with a friend the other nite - this is a great modern day horror film that could've used about 20 minutes edited out of the middle, but nonetheless, the movie is a horror knockout. The last half hour is awesome. Make sure you get the unedited version.
Grade: B +


THE DAKOTA FANNING SKETCH (SNL)
So - I wasn't the only one who loved the DAKOTA FANNING sketch on SNL - POPWATCH, EW's online blog has THIS to say about it:
In case you missed it ('SNL' edition)
reprinted without permission / Feb 5, 2007, 05:26 PM by Whitney Pastorek
The obligatory Saturday Night Live post from me this week goes out to Amy Poehler and her masterful impersonation of Dakota Fanning and what would happen if she were given a talk show. Pynchon references and physical comedy? It quite simply gets no better. Dear SNL: As I know you're listening, please do make this weekly. Thank you.

To see the entire hilarious sketch, go here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=AcNDzrfU0Ss

THE WHITE RAPPER SHOW (vh1)
Eh.
Grade: C


THE JANICE DICKINSON SHOW (Oxygen)
Janice uses the shtick of a Catskills comedian badly, then litearally stands back and waits for a laugh track. Just what I need, an absolute older hottie model who has brain damage and is trying to be Eddie Murphy.
Grade: C -

STUDIO 60's demise and SARAH SILVERMAN'S TRIUMPH!

THE SARAH SILVERMAN SHOW (COMEDY CENTRAL)
Arrived Thursday night at 10 30 on Com Central and I found it to be the most original, unique, laugh out loud funny show that I've seen in I can't remember how long. The setup is sitcom simple - Sarah lives with her younger sister (played by real life sister Laura) and they have 2 next door gay neighbors. Sarah begins a romance with a cop and that's about it. The pilot story was about how Sarah had to watch a show called "Cookie Party" alone, which she said would be "great, terrifying, challening...". There were dozens of great moments of Sarah just kind of playing off her persona - at one point an old black woman she'd never before in the grocery store shows her a picture of her grandchild, whom she says "I love most in the world." Sarah replies "That's 'cause you haven't met me, yet." She does this with both innocence and a knowing smirk letting us all in on her joke. These are funny, great characters and the show itself comes packed with invention, with Sarah singing (like in JESUS IS MAGIC) and extended hilarious animated sequences. This is a very big moment for Sarah and I think this show is going to quickly become known as special. If you don't believe me, check out Sarah's scene with her dog. The dog yawns and Sarah says, "What am I - boring you?" The bizarre argument between the cop and the unseen neighbor seemed to come out of nowhere and was so strangely funny. Right now, there's only an order for six, but my hunch is that THE SARAH SILVERMAN SHOW will be around until Sarah doesn't want to do it anymore. Thank Comedy Central for recognizing something truly special and funny.
GRADE: A +

While I'm already down this road, Sarah was a scream last week during her extended visit to the Stern Radio Show where she talked about everything from hating the sound of her own voice to her strange views on adoption. Great appearance.

Lastly, for a great article that originally appeared on Sarah in the NEW YORKER, go here:

http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/articles/051024fa_fact

On the subject of Howard, I recently caught a few of the ON DEMAND SHOWS - these deserve special mention:

SAL HARASSES GARY
I might've talked about this last time and I don't know if it's still available, but it's a perfect storm as Sal, Richard, Howard, Robin, Ralph and the E! crew conspire to make Gary really lose his shit. One of the funniest half hours ever.
GRADE: A +

BIGFOOT & HIS BAND
Bigfoot, the 8 foot whack packer, came in stoned and did a set with his band that had to be seen to be believed. I thought Artie was going to die from a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Truly theatre of the absurd.
GRADE:A

ARTIE'S WEIGHT GAME
Some ball busting fan came in, made a bunch of comparisons regarding Artie and his weight, then made the heavyweight get on the scale - 296 - his highest yet. Cut to the radio show, Artie missed a few days, claiming illness. I hope to God that's what it was - because Artie has been the best addition to the show in five years and he seems like a generally good guy and I hope he pulls it together and takes care of himself. But in the meantime, it's hilarious to see these guys breaking his balls constantly. At the same time, it's depressing because Artie deserves to treat himself better.
Grade: A -

Even though I very recently gave this poorly executed show a decent review for a couple of well done episodes, it seems it may be not enough to save this beleaguered program:
THIS ARTICLE WAS PREPRINTED WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM www.ew.com
The bell tolls for 'Studio 60'
Feb 2, 2007, 05:44 PM by Gary Susman
Is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip back at deaths door? For a while, it appeared the show had been saved from cancellation, thanks to NBC's order for a full season's worth of episodes, a slight uptick in the ratings, and Aaron Sorkin's apparent recognition that his Monday night dramedy needed a change in direction. But this afternoon, there comes a press release from NBC that, if you read between the lines, suggests the series may be gone for good by the end of the month.
The press release announces the March 5 debut of the drama The Black Donnellys in Studio 60's timeslot. Now, that alone doesn't mean that Studio 60 is never coming back. But the same press release also notes that 30 Rock is giving up its space in March to Andy Richter's new comedy, Andy Barker, P.I., but is returning after just one month, on April 19. There's no fixed date for Studio 60 to resume; the release says merely that it "will return later this season on a date to be determined." Well, maybe it will, or maybe it'll come back in the summer to burn off the remaining episodes—or maybe NBC will air them only over the Internet.
Studio 60 gets a lot of flak on EW.com, including some from me in my TV Watch column, prompting some readers to ask why I write about the show every week if I hate it so much. I don't hate it, but I find it incredibly frustrating. All that talent—Sorkin, the blue-chip cast (led by Matthew Perry, pictured)—and all those lofty aspirations, marred by weak execution, lazy writing, dramatic issues that are hard to care about, and a lack of verisimilitude (these characters are comedy professionals, so where's the funny?). There are occasional laughs, and occasional moments of brilliance, but apparently not enough of them to keep people watching. Still, I (and many of you, I'm sure) keep tuning in every week, hoping that this will be the week the show finally lives up to its potential for greatness. Better hurry up, Studio 60; you may have only four more weeks to dazzle us.

DIGITAL COUCH SAYS: Don't count on it.

SNL ( DREW BARRYMORE)
The opening IDOL parody was shamefully bad. Drew's monolauge was okay. The high point came early on, when Amy Poehler did an impression that echoed everything I've said about Dakota Fanning for the last 4 years. Amy was brilliant as the older then her years, robot-like Dakota. She also captured the bullshit hollywood speak that Dakota's been talking since she was 4. I remember when she was in I AM SAM, like 3 years ago (She was about 8) and she said "You turn around and you're working with Sean Penn - I mean, it's like wow - Sean Penn from Fast Times and Bad Boys - this guy is an American treasure! And then you look on your right and you see Robert Duvall - The Great Santini, Godfather - this guy is acting gold." I repeat, she was fucking 8. The rest of the show was just okay - a better entry in a horrible season. The sketches got more and more pathetic, such as the 100 year old sketch where Maya Rudolph impersonate Versaci's daughter for the 1,000th time. I think that sketch started over a decade ago. And Horatio Sanz made a slightly skinnier, unfunny cameo in it. He should've brought back "I'M CAROL!!!"

WEEKEND UPDATE is now completely unwatchable due to fucking unfunny Seth Myers, and all is lost.
Grade: D
Dakota Fanning sketch: A

MEATLOAF LIVE WITH THE MELBOURNE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA (DVD)

This blog has been a bit MEat-Centric as of late - but I did watch this by accident the other day, so suffice to say that if you're a Loaf fan, this is a great addition to Meat's DVD cannon - (But why no official releases from the BAT 1 days (I know they have those shows on film) and a concert from the BAT 2 days (amazing shows.)

Meat's voice is decent, but the songs are needlessly stuffed with little extras to give Meat a chance to catch up vocally - yet it's still a great trip to hear these songs in this setting with a fulaccomplishedhed orchestra behind him. Probably the best moment on the disc is Meatloaf's rendering of BAT OUT OF HELL, which the band adapts to perfectly. This is probably the last time you'll ever hear Meat sounding this good, as it seem the Loaf is only effective these days in-studio. A theory I'll test out personally when I drive to San Diego in 2 weeks with my friend Steven to go see the MEATLOAF: SIEZE THE NIGHT tour - his only stop in CA.
Grade: B

I can't imagine a worse commercial than the one currently airing for MUSIC & LYRICS, the new romantic comedy starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. Not only does it look nauseating, but the ads are in the annoying habbit of having them say a really lame joke then cutting away from it like they just showed us a flash of genius is more irritating then seeiHillaryary Swank "vibing" with the ghetto children in her intolerable FREEDOM WRITERS puff piece currently airing non stop on ON DEMAND.


THE OFFICE (NBC)
I obviously want to love this show. It's smart. It's funny - yet it's increasingly so over the top in a format that is not so forgiving. The beauty of the earlier eps and BBC show is that they were subtle. In this version, you have Dwight and Angela doing a bad production of GREASE 2 half the time, bringing the level of the whole enterprise down. Still, the Jim/Pam triangle continues to be compelling, and Steve Carell is more often then not right on the money as Michael.
Grade: C +

30 ROCK (NBC)
Another winner as Alec Baldwin takes Liz Lemon on a date that isn't a date. But then I thought the ep got into weird territory by having Alec's ex show up and be so weird.....Pee Wee Herman guested and was funny for a minute, and Jane whatshername is getting better with every episode. Tracy Morgan's storyline with the hooker party was kind of funny, but I wish they'd make that guy 3 dimensional and put some meat on those bones.
Grade: B +


THE SIMPSONS (FOX)
I won't go into the ep, but suffice it to say, if you think FAMILY GUY, SOUTHPARK and all the other great new animated shows are the way of the future, you're right. But THE SIMPSONS is still really fucking funny and shows no signs of aging.
Grade: B

SOUTH PARK (COM)There was a hilarious SOUTH PARK repeat the other nite where the gang decides to become an agency and represent Token. They buy powersuits and cell phones and it was a real skewering of the representation business.
Grade: B

GENESIS: THE WAY WE WALK (CD)

Parts 1 & 2 - the shorts & the longs.
Released as 2 CDs back about eight years ago, I completely dismissed these CDs as overly produced. I remember SERIOUS HITS, LIVE by Phil Collins and how bad it sucked and how Phil had brought no passion but just these re-created studio perfect versions of his newer hits. But, because you can buy these CDs for about .11 cents a piece on AMAZON USED, I figured what the hell. And boy, was I wrong. The first CD has all the "shorts" - meaning the under 6 minute songs like Mama, That's All, Throwing It All Away, In Too Deep (sadly, no songs from ABACAB are included - like my 2 favorites Old Man On The Corner and No Reply) but just about every other hit is represented here. The shocker was the quality of the performances. Truimpassionedned vocals from Phil Collins make even drivel like INVISIBLE TOUCH sound golden. Then the second disc, THE LONGS, have the full HOME BY THE SEA, DRIVING THE LAST SPIKE, and one of my personal favorites FADING LIGHTS (a 12 minute Genesis masterpiece and the last recorded song ever by Genesis with Phil Collins fronting the band.) These are GREAT versions of these old songs.
Grade: A

THANKS TO MARC FOR POINTING OUT THAT I DIDN'T REALLY GIVE WOLFGANG THE CONCERT PROMOTER HIS DUE IN MY FOLLOWING ARTICLE - MARC SENT ME THIS TEXT THAT SHOULD PUT WHO WOLFGANG IS AND MY RIDICULOUSLY IGNORANT DESCRIPTION OF HIM INTO BETTER CONTEXT:

"Wolfgang was Bill Graham, the man whose genius for bringing performer and audience together shaped the rock concert as we have come to know it. Born Wolfgang Grajonca in Berlin in 1931, he escaped Nazi Germany to grow up in a foster home in the Bronx and anglicized his name at the age of 18. Bill Graham, who would come to be known as the midwife of the modern rock concert, was smart and forward-thinking, an opportunist and a listener, fair and ferociously demanding, and he remembered his roots: in the 1980s he opened a small San Francisco club and named it Wolfgang's."

If you haven't heard about this yet - check out http://concerts.wolfgangsvault.com/Artists.aspx?s=a

NOTE: TO GET TO THE SHOWS, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO REGISTER - IT TAKES 1 MINUTE AND IS WELL WORTH IT - IT'S FREE AND ONE OF A KIND - DG

It's WOLFGANG'S CONCERT VAULTS. Wolfgang was a big concert promoter in the 70s and 80s - he keepsstreamableble archive of great shows at this site. If you know how to record from the stream to your computer (it's not that hard) - you can save these shows forever. (HINT - if you use MUSIC MATCH JUKEBOX, go to RECORDING OPTION, pick SYSTEM MIXER and then put the player volume all the way up - then start the show you want and hit start on your recorder. It'll record whatever sound is in your computer.)

There are some great Bowie shows, a fantastic Tracey Chapman acoustic show, and so much more.
The Phil Collins show is AWESOME. A total A plus. This particular show originally aired on HBO about 14 years ago, but now exists in it's original 2 hour glory. Phil sings every great song from his first 2 cds, FACE VALUE and HELLO, I MUST BE GOING. There are great versions of DONT LET HIM STEAL YOUR HEART AWAY, THE ROOF IS LEAKING, THIS MUST BE LOVE, THRU THESE WALLS and YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
Here's the show:
http://concerts.wolfgangsvault.com/Artists.aspx?s=a

for a GREAT GENESIS show, go here:
http://concerts.wolfgangsvault.com/ConcertDetail.aspx?id=200502622575
But the 2 CDS I just bought are WAY better and more definitive performances. *Genesiseis, not Phil.

You can also stream what's thought of as perhaps the best Springsteen concert ever recorded here:
It's the 3 hour Wonderland show from 78 - amazing.
http://concerts.wolfgangsvault.com/ConcertDetail.aspx?id=3264993

Here's another great Bruce show from the TUNNEL OF LOVE TOUR:
http://concerts.wolfgangsvault.com/player.aspx?ConcertID=51488993&StartTrackID=1

I'm getting real excited about the return of THE SOPRANOS in April.

REAL WORLD: DENVER (MTV)
A real bunch of retards. Colon liked this guy at OUTWARD BOUND where they work, and the bosses asked them not to date, since they work together. So Colin, even though she barely knows this guy, made this huge deal about the fact that she's never been told not to see anyone and this is horrible. Repeat, they don't even know each other! So this guy then quits his job to date Colon, and Colon is freaking out - saying she can't believe how happy she is. She actually says "Nobody can ever tell me what my heart can do. Nobody can ever tell me what my vagina can do." What? She said it. Nobody tells her vagina anything! This group of idiots aren't even that entertaining. MTV had really better up the casting for the next installment. Ah, the glory days of REAL WORLD HAWAI - seems like it'll never happen again.
Grade: D


THE RETURN OF BILLY JOEL.
Anyone who reads my blog knows how I love Billy Joel. On the 9th of this month, I think on the PEOPLE web site, Billy offers a free mp3 download of his first pop song he's written in 15 years - here's the story along with the link. I can't even think about how it's going to sound - I'm hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.
http://news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=159862007

TOP CHEF! (Bravo) (SPOILERS of FINAL)
Came down to a fiery and nail-biting conclusion last nite. For whatever it's worth, even though I seriously rooted for Marcel, he just kind of fell apart in the end. He lost his fish, screwed up his salad, and wasn't as great with the judges as his finopponentent. As for his opponent, he is such a bore that I can't remember his name. I also thought it was pretty disgusting how anti-Marcel everybody was, and it seems like Ella or Sam should've been in the final against Marcel, not the boring dude who won. If you don't watch this show, you should.
Grade: B +

Not that anyone's asking, but I fucking hate Katherine McPhee. First, she makes fun of Meatloaf to a packed room of reporters for being fat. Now that her cd's out (which i really hope goes nowhere) Meredithith Viera asked her if this is all happening because of IDOL. She said it's happening NOW because of Idol, but if not for the show, she'd still become very popular because it was her destiny one way or the other. Then they showed her a clip of the heavyset guy singing last night on IDOL (he was GREAT) and she laughed. The guy is a brilliant singer, and when they asked McPhee what she thought, all she could muster was "I don't want to be mean." That's true - I guess we all can't all be born beautiful. And why speak if the only thing that pops into your bullemia infected brain is to say something mean. I hope something happens to truly humiliate her this year in a truly vile way. At this point, nobody is more deserving of a Dirty Sanchez.

HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER (DVD)
Re-watched this recently with a buddy - this is a horror film as if shot by Scorsesee circa 1979 - a chilling, realistic must-see.
Grade: A
And a plethora of extras in the new double disc edition with fine new 5.1 mix.

I'm sorry, rewatched THE DEPARTED - I still don't think it's great.

WINDY CITY HEAT (DVD)
Lastly, My friend Corey had not seen my favorite comedy of the last 4 years, WINDY CITY HEAT - the DVD boasts a slightly longer cut with tons of extras - but it's the movie that's the star of this DVD set. Still hands down the funniest movie I've seen in ages.

Grade: A +

Until next time...

a bunch of reviews nobody will care about.

STUDIO 60 (NBS)
Was actually good this week as it seemed to settle into straight romantic-comedy territory. This is something Sorkin does quite well and I like the new direction. But the fact that Harriet did the dolphin voice and now it's all over the internet waiting for the dolphin sketch? That wouldn't even happen on SNL, much less a MAD TV like knock off. But I liked the first of this 2 parter. This could actually be a sign of good things to come on this beleagured show.
Grade: B -

FAMILY GUY (FOX)
Stewie and Brian go looking for Stewie's teddy bear, which Brian accidently gives away. One of the funniest half hours of the year. The sequence with Stewie as he dances with Gene Kelly is astonishing and hilarious. This episode reached some kind of apex and was a stellar outing.
Grade: A

PRISON BREAK (FOX) (Spoilers)
Where 24 is going wrong, PRISON BREAK is going right. The varying stories are starting to get really fun, the conspiracy actually works, and this episode had many genius plot devices. The analyzation of the tape and then the fake out and the figuring out of what they want....An episode that kept topping itself with clever twists and now has a fantastic dark hero in the renegade FBI bad guy from the first season. The video they put on the air, if you're a fan of the show, was astonishing.
Grade: A +


I LOVE NY (VH1)
Another great episode. What can I say - there was a lot of good tv on this week. If you follow this show, you know how crazy it is. This latest was no exception. I'm really starting to like 12 pack, can't believe the sheer lunacy of Boston, and still think they're getting a raw deal by having to be with New York. But this show and the personalities are WILD.
GRADE: A


SHOOTING SIZEMORE (VH1)
Another so-so entry in an interesting story and a very sad man.
Grade: C


SURREAL LIFE GAMES (VH1)
Getting dumb.
Grade: C -


HOGAN KNOWS BEST (VH1)
I realized this weekend that shows like this are really the natural replacement for written half-hour sitcoms. The producers CLEARLY do a lot of meddling to make the stories fall into place - they are heavily edited and the emphasis is really on light comedy and your reaction to these shows usually depend on your tolerance for the subject. The Hogan Family understands this and very astutely doesn't give the audience too much to think about. Instead we get a very amiable, normal family somewhat in which the father happens to be a larger then life superstar (and usually looking fairly miserable) and the oldest daughter is trying to make a big music career happen (which I just don't see happening, with the exception of a few novelty hits - Hogan Jr. just doesn't have it.) It's always a little frightening to see how mother and daugher look alike, sound alike, and Brooke, this might kill you - but you are going to have mom's body within a few short years. All that aside, this is a mostly enjoyable show with no real-life consequences. The Hogans seem to live in a superficial bubble of reality tv. That said, there's never any moments here that feel very real, and the drama is always limited to what Brooke's going to wear for the shoot that night to cover up the fact that she's not model-thin (although the show usually angles it as "too revealing." It's far from essential viewing, but I think a show that will serve as a model as we get more and more of these kinds of shows in the future.
Grade: C

THE NAKED TRUCKER (COM)
I've seen this at LARGO with the two guys, who are pretty funny. Somehow, it doesn't translate to this somewhat lame sitcom. I couldn't get through the whole thing.
Grade: D

BEAUTY & THE GEEK (THE CW)
Has outlived it's usefulness - it's the same exact show every year. I think I'm done.
Grade: C -


THE RINGER (HBO)
I just saw this movie last night on HBO and I guess hadn't realized it was produced by the Farrelly brothers. I remember when it was out in the theater thinking it was too goofy to be any good. Johnny Knoxville plays a guy who fakes being mentally disabled in order to compete in the special olympics. While I figured the movie would be mean spirited about it's subject, it's exactly the opposite. It's hilarious and kind of warm hearted. While no classic, this had me engaged pretty much all the way though - and I don't know if they used real mentally challenged actors, but the players are really good and funny. This was a real underrated gem if you ask me. The direction is good, Knoxville is kind and funny, and the 90 minute running time helps things zip along. Definitely a good diversion.
Grade: B