Sorry – have been really busy – these are not new reviews but you haven’t seen them. When I did last week’s blog, I stuck to the reviews that Ralph had seen so we could have a cohesive blog – but these are the ones left out from last week because I’ve been behind on viewing – hopefully these reviews will tide you over till my next current blog – DIGITAL COUCH.
THE BOYFRIEND SHIRT
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I have been having trouble for a long time with BLOGSPOT links - until i figure out why it's not working - I realy would like people to check out this link so please cut and past and let me know what you think:
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BLACK TO THE FUTURE (VH1)
Is a WE LOVE THE 70s type pop-culture riff with tons of talking heads – only this show focuses on all things black. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Jesse Jackson, Lionel Richie, Different Strokes, Eddie Murphy’s PARTY ALL THE TIME recording – all the great moments of black pop culture history is presented here and frankly – after watching all those other talking head shows which VH1 seems to specialize in – this one was really good. Focusing on black-only pop culture gave the show an edge and a focus. The comics were hilarious – although Hal Sparks is now sporting a scary rock star hair-do – other than that – this is really one to watch. There are too many things that fly by to really talk about – but this is a four parter that really works.
Grade: B +
ER is winding down with its last few episodes. It's been great to see some familiar faces, and Noah Whylie is particularly good in these episodes as Dr. Carter. Looking forward to seeing more familiar faces as the long running series finally comes to an end.
To everyone who witnessed Steve Harvey and his wife talking about the book they wrote about their love on the Oprah Winfrey show – let me know if you’re planning mass suicide. I might join you - because this was the worst spectacle of pseudo-celebrity ass kissing I’ve ever seen.
SPECTACLE (SUNDANCE)
Elvis Costello is really the best. He sings, he writes, he plays – and he has great questions and insights and a genuine curiosity for all his guests and a true pure love of music. I sometimes wish they’d sing some more familiar tunes instead of playing to the obscure crowd as I don’t know half the songs he’s reeling off – but when something magical happens – like Elvis and Lou Reed singing “Perfect Day” or Elvis singing “Border Song” to an astonished Elton John – this show is alive and pumping. This is a show that needs a first season soundtrack out ASAP. Truly, first rate.
Grade: A
SKINS (BBC DVD)
I had heard so much about this BBC show about the real lives of young adults – I thought I was in for a treat. I was and I wasn’t. It’s good and very watchable – but unlike what I was hoping for – which was realism – it’s really over the top and actually wickedly funny – just not what I was expecting. That said – there are some amazing scenes and some really clever stuff going on here – and the young actors are miraculous and the whole thing has sort of a TRAINSPOTTING vibe. I just don’t think it has the gravity to make you love it. It’s missing a bit of heart - although I’m only in the middle of series 1. Each episode focuses on a different kid – I particularly loved the girl with the eating disorder who kept getting strange texts to her cell that would say “EAT!” Even better was this weird tracking shot of her fingers running down a stairs banister…maybe you had to see it…anyway – if this gets much better I’ll let you know. There’s a little too much “clever comedy” for its good that keeps it from getting to the next level. So far…
Grade: B -
UPDATE: Started watching Disc 2 and it’s getting much better and much deeper.
SNUFF: A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT KILLING ON CAMERA (DVD)
Revolting and fascinating, this docu attempts to explore the “myth” of onscreen killing. It’s mostly talking heads with a few really disturbing shots here and there – they even include the entire segment from the end of a 75’ film called “SNUFF.” SNUFF was notorious back in the day for purporting to really kill someone at the end of the film. I remember renting SNUFF with some friends when it came out on VHS - we all were very freaked out at that ending. As the film – which is LAUGHABLE, ends, the “director” starts telling the actress how great she was and it leads to a supposedly impromptu make out session on the bed while the crew packs up. Suddenly – the director turns violent, and with the help of the crew, he kills and literally guts the woman. Now, I have to tell you – back in the day – me and all my friends were completely freaked and convinced we had seen a murder. It didn’t seem possible – and at the time – I should’ve realized that the PARTY CENTER in Brooklyn on Ralph Avenue – a candy, party supply and VHS rental shop would probably not have rented an actual on screen killing to a bunch of young boys. And yet, I always remembered that scene for being completely realistic for it’s time and just plain real. This docu begins early on by showing the entire sequence. 20 years later – I feel a bit snookered. The ending is actually so fake – so obviously fake – that I’m embarrassed I fell for it. Anyway – the film – while just mostly talking heads with some truly disturbing violent shots scattered throughout – is quite entertaining, disturbing and while some of the talking heads don’t really seem qualified to speak on the subject of SNUFF films – we do get a pretty full bodied idea of what a SNUFF film supposedly is. SNUFF is not nessessarily the act of just killing on camera – serial killers have been doing that for years. But a true SNUFF film in the commercial sense means somebody is murdered on camera for profit from the sick people who want to watch it. The film debates whether snuff is real or an urban myth. The answer – I don’t know. It probably doesn’t exist in the massive way some might think – but according to these folks and some news accounts – it exists. I will skip the Russian Child Porn Snuff ring – truly – one of the – I can’t even say. You can always see the movie if you’re interested in knowing about it – but it was apparently real and – wow. As horrifying as that was, there was nothing more horrifying to me than the last 10 minutes of the film, which had adult film producer Marc Rosen give a fully realistic account of the day he went to a LA hotel to meet some distributors who had something “outrageous” they wanted him to distribute. Marc sullenly gives a description of what he saw and starts to cry from the memory of this tape he was shown 20 plus years ago. I can’t recommend this film to anyone – but if you ever had a curiosity about the subject – this film offers a LOT of answers.
Grade: B +
And as far as the 1975 notorious classic SNUFF, For those interested – here is the trailer – probably creepier than anything in the actual movie:
GO HERE
I WAS A TEENAGE IDOL (VH1)
This is turning into a really good show. That kid from Baywatch is insane. Chris Atkins is cool. UPDATE:
I just watched the finale and not only did they try to give all the guys some decent hook ups for the future, some of them even got countdown shows on VH1 – maybe it won’t lead anywhere – but I think we’ll be seeing some of the people featured on this show. I liked the upbeat nature of this and I liked the camaraderie in the house as opposed to the feuding train wrecks that usually happens in these reality shows – I wouldn’t mind seeing another edition of this. Very enjoyable and somewhat cathartic in a way.
Grade: B -
AMATEUR PORN STAR KILLER (DVD)
DIG COUCH NOTE: Regardless of my reviews, these are squalid, hard to get through films and work in the very genre they set out to – but not much else. My deepest warning against watching these unless you have an intense curiosity. – DIG COUCH
Okay, not only did I never think I’d ever review a title like this for my site, but I never thought I’d be giving it a POSITIVE review. The truth is – this is a squalid, depressing little tape that has somehow spawned 2 sequels (I have seen neither – yet) – but it’s insanely real, if a bit overly artistic (I know – it sounds crazy.) The 73 minute film is basically this dude who picks up this girl in his car while he videotapes from either the worst video camera ever to exist, or we’re watching a copy of a copy of a copy – and sometimes the quality jumps from decent to horrendous to just plain annoyingly arty (or what the filmmaker thinks comes off as arty – is actually completely annoying and takes you out of the movie.) What’s left however, is an insanely gripping and mesmerizing 70 minutes of this dude talking this young girl into…well – the title says it all. But that’s all it is – the movie never leaves this shot. And that is the pull of it. And the acting – mostly improv – of the director/star and the girl – is absolutely real and believable – and as it goes on – this becomes one of the creepiest things I’d ever seen. But undeniably alive and raw.
Grade: B
UPDATE:
I watched Part 2. It’s much creepier. Maybe even evil. They offer two dvds – one is the FILM version (more pretense) – the other dvd is simply called THE KILLER’S SNUFF CUT with EVIDENCE marked on the disc – I chose that one just to see how far he would go with this premise. The same killer is back, and he goes much further with the premise this time around. It’s starker, darker, meaner – and much more sexually graphic – and violent. This does not make for feel-good watching – but as an absorbing piece of scripted reality, this is the real deal and you will need many showers and perhaps therapy after watching this.
Grade: B +
Someone just gave me part 3 – I’m extremely hesitant to watch. The only saving grace is its called THE FINAL CHAPTER.
JON BRION at LARGO (3 FRIDAY NIGHTS AGO)
I love Jon Brion – but I didn’t love this 3 hour fest that STARTED at 10 30 and went until the wee hours – with only 2 recognizable songs played the entire night. (Although – I slept through at least 4 songs – so maybe he did something awesome while I was sleeping.) He brought on a merry band of entertainers popular in the indie music world and they basically jammed. Frankly, for the money my friend Adam S. paid for me to attend this, I would’ve preferred some format to the show and maybe some real entertainment – instead it reminded me of being at your friends house when everyone else is drunk and on drugs except you – and they have musical instruments. The only instrument I needed was a gun – for Jon Brion, for my buddy Adam, and then of course for my mouth.
Grade: D +
THE VISITOR (DVD SCREENER)
Richard Jenkins is awesome in a film that somehow was generic, slow and predictable. Not to say it didn’t have some fine offbeat moments, but the only reason to watch this is for Jenkins wonderful performance as a stiff businessman trying to loosen up.
Grade: C -
THE BARBERA WALTERS SPECIAL (ABC)
The Jonas Brothers. Insipid. Ann Hathaway. Insiped. Mickey Rourke. Inspired – and insane.
Grade: eh. Barbera doesn’t ask anything remotely interesting anymore, so – who cares?
FAMILY GUY (FOX)
A stellar outing that saw their paralyzed cop friend in need of 20,000 dollars – Peter’s answer – rob Lois’ dad for millions. There was WAY too much going on in this episode to recount every funny laugh out loud moment – but this was a superlative outing for the show and a reminder of just how great this show could be.
Grade: A
UPDATE: While I was sick I watched MANY FAMILY GUY episodes on TOON. Watching a bunch of them, I have to say that there is a undeniable quality to them that is undeniable. When you are sick in bed and these shows are making you laugh out loud – you know it’s a classic. I saw the one where Stewie goes to High School to prove he’s cool. I saw Brian discover he has a 15 year old troublesome son. I saw Brian the dog nearly seduce Peter’s wife. And I saw Peter get a stroke from eating 80 greasy hamburgers. If you can’t tell – I fucking LOVE this show.
DEEPER THROAT (SHOWTIME)A variation on last year’s hard R-rated DEBBIE DOES DALLAS AGAIN, once again we have a half hour Showtime series that chronicles the remaking of a classic porn film while telling comical stories about the industry and the zany characters that inhabit it. I remember last year’s DEBBIE got very cloying at the end and seemingly either scripted or very tightly produced to get certain results. Credit Showtime with going a little further in the unscripted department this time around. Although that scene with Steve Hersch and his wife in bed might as well have been accompanied by a laugh track. What’s really and truly special about this show – one of the things that made DEBBIE as fun as it was despite its flaws – is the weekly depiction of the artistic porn director, Paul Thomas. He’s great. He simply has the very worst creative instincts every single time around, but because he’s picked up a pretentious Hollywood vibe and way of speaking – he gets away with it all the time because it SOUNDS like he knows what he’s doing. Seeing his boss yell at him over the script for DEEPER THROAT (P.T. thought it should be re-imagined as a fairy tale) was bracing – although – I think Hersch went over the top for the cameras. But this one seems to have a bit more bite than DEBBIE did, and I’ll definitely be watching to see this unfold. I just realized I didn’t mention the bit about the girls who come in to audition to be the new Linda Lovelace. It was pretty funny – all these porn chicks came to show that they have the particular “talent” this role needs. Of course, they needed to demonstrate it with a huge sex toy. And then Showtime would always cut away, which kind of – I mean – I don’t know why they felt the need to censor themselves on that – but that’s the problem with these shows about porn – they want to be lighthearted about a very dark subject matter. It’s literally a show that dwells on the comedy aspect of it (which isn’t really funny since it’s being overproduced with cloying, unfunny music.) The fiery blonde New York girl was hilarious about her skills, and I should mention that they auditioned Sasha Grey, who’s been in porn since she’s 18, and has also been a big staple in articles that cite her age and her mature attitude. She’s even going to be starring in a Soderbergh film in the next few months. Go figure. After the camera spends five minutes with her – you tend to think this very smart girl could do just about anything. She was pretty funny in a way the show is not. She was talking about the fact that “DEEP THROAT” “probably has absolutely nothing to do with Watergate.”
Grade: B
UPDATE: Watched ep 2 – and wouldn’t you know it – we are back to FULLY SCRIPTED PROGRAMMING. At its worst. Sorry, I wanted to love this – but you don’t need to script – just shoot what happens and edit it. Must we get non-actors delivering bad jokes with the worst line readings. It’s almost like a porn except without the sex. Brianna Banks, one of Vivid’s biggest stars is featured in this ep and truly sounded like a man – it was a little scary. And again, we spend just a bit of time with Sascha Grey, who honestly should just have her own show. She’s everything this show is not – smart, funny, ironic – Why, if she wasn’t in porn, I might just be forced to make an honest woman of that ms. Grey. And together, we’d forget about her porno past and start fresh….and then Seinfeld will come back for another season along with a 2 hour finale movie version of HILL STREET BLUES!
(more on the SEINFELD situation later.)
I LOVE MONEY 2 (VH1)
Ridiculous and yet – so very watchable. My money (I think) is on The Entertainer – he gotta get out of his mother’s house! But this show is undeniably fun if not terribly cohesive – actually it’s a mess, but a good kind of mess. Buddha must be stopped.
VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA (DVD)
The Woodman, since marrying his daughter, has stepped out and stepped it up. No longer making sophisticated films about NYC, after a string of almost shitty movies, now makes great films with international locales. This latest, about two best friends on vacation in Barcelona, takes a wild turn when they meet Javier Bardeem – a romantic Spanish artist who, after initially coming on to them for sex, ends up in a truly unique friendship with both of them – he beds one and falls for the other. He and one of the ladies are living in bliss until Penelope Cruz, who one the Oscar for her role (she’s THAT good) as Javier’s ex shows up. This is a great slice of life among the rich, eccentric and talented and it has that air about it that sort of makes you feel like you’re in that lifestyle as you watch it. Woody Allen is an amazing director and if you think he’s not relevant anymore, check out this film, which is both low-key and one of the best of the year.
Grade: A -
THE AMAZING RACE (CBS)
I don’t usually watch this but my friend MIKE WHITE and his dad are on this year – so – I have to watch and I’m enjoying what I’m seeing – this is a class act among reality shows – if a bit frantic and at times hard to follow. Still – it has a great format and Mike and his dad are kicking ass! Grade: B -
LISA LAMPONELLI (HBO)
I loved Lisa when I first became aware of her on the PAM ANDERSON. I like Lisa on the Stern show. But let’s face it – I’ve now seen her COM CENTRAL hour and now her brand new HBO hour. I’m sorry – I know she’s the hot comic of the moment – but she hasn’t changed her act in years, and her act is as thin as she is not. It’s literally the same shtick every single time – she uses the N word frequently – in fact – she slags everyone but believe me, that’s not the problem. If you want to see someone being controversial AND funny – look to Sarah Silverman – if you want to see someone just hoping that the controversial words will bring laughter – here comes Lisa Lamponelli – who not only goes for it with gusto on the racist diatribes – but she doesn’t have any real material behind it. She kind of fashions herself as the female Andrew Dice Clay – only – let’s face it – Dice used to be KILLER FUNNY – love him or hate him – he has a Point Of View to his craft and told a story. Lamponelli should just stick to short sets, the Stern show, the Kimmel show – roasts – she’s great. But for a full hour - I didn’t laugh once. And the crux of her act seems to be “Look how wild I am.” Seriously – half her stories have to do with people finding her offensive. Lisa – let me give you a little advice in that department – the idea is to go out and BE funny and controversial if you have to – THEN OTHER PEOPLE talk about it – when YOU TALK ABOUT it during your act and you pat yourself on the belly for being so “crazy” – it comes off as pathetic. Truly. Sorry – I once considered Lisa one of the best comics out there – these hour specials have exposed her as a true one trick pony. And the one trick is REALLY OLD.
Grade: D
KURT COBAIN: THE MAN & HIS WORDS (IFC)
Ok, I got the title wrong and I’m too lazy too look It up – but it plays all the time on IFC. A great docu with hours of audio recordings from Kurt himself who I think was writing a book and the dialog is played out over images that were important to Kurt’s life. Slow moving but completely moving – I loved it.
Grade: B +
THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXY)
More of the same. Trashy and wild, but somehow not as interesting as seasons past. Yet, this episode that took place in Cancun was pretty wild – even for this show’s standards. Throughout the episode it seemed that some horrifying incident was being foreshadowed, as clouds gathered around the two AMBERS. After a wild wet bikini contest, in which two of our Bad Girls were in and lost to a totally foxy local (sorry, but all the bad girls this season – especially the two in the contest – looks like they have put on 40 pounds each. They’re still lovely – but they ain’t winning no bikini contest – not in America – as they both said was the problem – and not anywhere. After screaming about losing the contest (which the audience voted on) one of the girls complained that she was yelled out for throwing ice – something she claims she didn’t do, somehow the anger turned towards the brighter Amber of the two Ambers. Allyeah, who I truly believe is actually mentally retarded – not just joking – she’s really in need of some help, goaded them into a fight with the Ambers and the hour ended with a disturbing street fight that left one of the Ambers laying in the street half-dead (seemingly.) I can’t wait till next week.
Grade: B -
ONE MAN, ONE CUP (THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET)
Someone evil forwarded this to me. Not only can I not even come close to describing what I saw in print – but I will say this – it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in all my life – and I don’t know yet that I’ll ever be able to un-see it. Help me. God help me. And all of humanity.
DISTURBIA (HBO)
Catch this – it’s a DJ CARUSO directed variation of Hitchcock’s REAR WINDOW that really works. I liked this a lot, even if it is light as air.
Grade: B –
SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL (SHOWTIME)
Had their season final – this is a show that pretends to know about hooking – they may know some high end details – but the shame here is that it’s a wasted opportunity to really give some insight into the prostitution world with a scripted show – and it’s so concerned with being light and romantic – it has some nice moments here and there – but otherwise, you can skip this one.
Grade: C -
Saw Valerie Bertonelli recently on the RACHEL RAY show. Watching those two together - completely nauseating.
OSCAR UPDATE: I was reminded of the ghastly IN MEMORIUM section – where they decided fancy camera angles were more important than seeing the actual footage and names of the people who died – shameful.
NIP/TUCK: 5th Season Finale’ (F/X)
SO even Sean’s new “crazy” girl – a completely unrealistic portrait of anyone if there ever was one. Vampires, psychos, cryogenics, murder, porn – it was all packed into the last episode of the next to last season of this once flawless show. Now the show is all flaw.
Grade: D
CLASSIC ALBUMS: JOHN LENNON – PLASTIC ONO BAND (VH1 CLASSIC)
What a great testament to awesome music, inspired writing and creation, the love affair between John and Yoko – a woman that tore the world in half. And in the midst of all that, the nuts and bolts that went into making such an amazing album (that might be my favorite in his catalogue – and I love them all but that one – very special CD.) Highly highly recommended.
Grade: A
I will be back with new reviews just as soon as I can - Digital Couch out
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2009/03/23
THE LOST BLOG: E.R., Black 2 Future, Skins, Spectacle, Amateur Porn Sex Killer, Jon Brion, Deeper Throat, Bad Girls Club, Nip/Tuck
Sorry – have been really busy – these are not new reviews but you haven’t seen them. When I did last week’s blog, I stuck to the reviews that Ralph had seen so we could have a cohesive blog – but these are the ones left out from last week because I’ve been behind on viewing – hopefully these reviews will tide you over till my next current blog – DIGITAL COUCH.
By the way - if you want to get the GREATEST female shirt around - seriously - go here.
this is a BOYFRIEND shirt - which is a man-style shirt made for woman and frankly - they are SEXY as HELL.
BLACK TO THE FUTURE (VH1)
Is a WE LOVE THE 70s type pop-culture riff with tons of talking heads – only this show focuses on all things black. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Jesse Jackson, Lionel Richie, Different Strokes, Eddie Murphy’s PARTY ALL THE TIME recording – all the great moments of black pop culture history is presented here and frankly – after watching all those other talking head shows which VH1 seems to specialize in – this one was really good. Focusing on black-only pop culture gave the show an edge and a focus. The comics were hilarious – although Hal Sparks is now sporting a scary rock star hair-do – other than that – this is really one to watch. There are too many things that fly by to really talk about – but this is a four parter that really works.
Grade: B +
ER is winding down with its last few episodes. It's been great to see some familiar faces, and Noah Whylie is particularly good in these episodes as Dr. Carter. Looking forward to seeing more familiar faces as the long running series finally comes to an end.
To everyone who witnessed Steve Harvey and his wife talking about the book they wrote about their love on the Oprah Winfrey show – let me know if you’re planning mass suicide. I might join you - because this was the worst spectacle of pseudo-celebrity ass kissing I’ve ever seen.
SPECTACLE (SUNDANCE)
Elvis Costello is really the best. He sings, he writes, he plays – and he has great questions and insights and a genuine curiosity for all his guests and a true pure love of music. I sometimes wish they’d sing some more familiar tunes instead of playing to the obscure crowd as I don’t know half the songs he’s reeling off – but when something magical happens – like Elvis and Lou Reed singing “Perfect Day” or Elvis singing “Border Song” to an astonished Elton John – this show is alive and pumping. This is a show that needs a first season soundtrack out ASAP. Truly, first rate.
Grade: A
SKINS (BBC DVD)
I had heard so much about this BBC show about the real lives of young adults – I thought I was in for a treat. I was and I wasn’t. It’s good and very watchable – but unlike what I was hoping for – which was realism – it’s really over the top and actually wickedly funny – just not what I was expecting. That said – there are some amazing scenes and some really clever stuff going on here – and the young actors are miraculous and the whole thing has sort of a TRAINSPOTTING vibe. I just don’t think it has the gravity to make you love it. It’s missing a bit of heart - although I’m only in the middle of series 1. Each episode focuses on a different kid – I particularly loved the girl with the eating disorder who kept getting strange texts to her cell that would say “EAT!” Even better was this weird tracking shot of her fingers running down a stairs banister…maybe you had to see it…anyway – if this gets much better I’ll let you know. There’s a little too much “clever comedy” for its good that keeps it from getting to the next level. So far…
Grade: B -
UPDATE: Started watching Disc 2 and it’s getting much better and much deeper.
SNUFF: A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT KILLING ON CAMERA (DVD)
Revolting and fascinating, this docu attempts to explore the “myth” of onscreen killing. It’s mostly talking heads with a few really disturbing shots here and there – they even include the entire segment from the end of a 75’ film called “SNUFF.” SNUFF was notorious back in the day for purporting to really kill someone at the end of the film. I remember renting SNUFF with some friends when it came out on VHS - we all were very freaked out at that ending. As the film – which is LAUGHABLE, ends, the “director” starts telling the actress how great she was and it leads to a supposedly impromptu make out session on the bed while the crew packs up. Suddenly – the director turns violent, and with the help of the crew, he kills and literally guts the woman. Now, I have to tell you – back in the day – me and all my friends were completely freaked and convinced we had seen a murder. It didn’t seem possible – and at the time – I should’ve realized that the PARTY CENTER in Brooklyn on Ralph Avenue – a candy, party supply and VHS rental shop would probably not have rented an actual on screen killing to a bunch of young boys. And yet, I always remembered that scene for being completely realistic for it’s time and just plain real. This docu begins early on by showing the entire sequence. 20 years later – I feel a bit snookered. The ending is actually so fake – so obviously fake – that I’m embarrassed I fell for it. Anyway – the film – while just mostly talking heads with some truly disturbing violent shots scattered throughout – is quite entertaining, disturbing and while some of the talking heads don’t really seem qualified to speak on the subject of SNUFF films – we do get a pretty full bodied idea of what a SNUFF film supposedly is. SNUFF is not nessessarily the act of just killing on camera – serial killers have been doing that for years. But a true SNUFF film in the commercial sense means somebody is murdered on camera for profit from the sick people who want to watch it. The film debates whether snuff is real or an urban myth. The answer – I don’t know. It probably doesn’t exist in the massive way some might think – but according to these folks and some news accounts – it exists. I will skip the Russian Child Porn Snuff ring – truly – one of the – I can’t even say. You can always see the movie if you’re interested in knowing about it – but it was apparently real and – wow. As horrifying as that was, there was nothing more horrifying to me than the last 10 minutes of the film, which had adult film producer Marc Rosen give a fully realistic account of the day he went to a LA hotel to meet some distributors who had something “outrageous” they wanted him to distribute. Marc sullenly gives a description of what he saw and starts to cry from the memory of this tape he was shown 20 plus years ago. I can’t recommend this film to anyone – but if you ever had a curiosity about the subject – this film offers a LOT of answers.
Grade: B +
And as far as the 1975 notorious classic SNUFF, For those interested – here is the trailer – probably creepier than anything in the actual movie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggP5cG1gLqg
I WAS A TEENAGE IDOL (VH1)
This is turning into a really good show. That kid from Baywatch is insane. Chris Atkins is cool. UPDATE:
I just watched the finale and not only did they try to give all the guys some decent hook ups for the future, some of them even got countdown shows on VH1 – maybe it won’t lead anywhere – but I think we’ll be seeing some of the people featured on this show. I liked the upbeat nature of this and I liked the camaraderie in the house as opposed to the feuding train wrecks that usually happens in these reality shows – I wouldn’t mind seeing another edition of this. Very enjoyable and somewhat cathartic in a way.
Grade: B -
AMATEUR PORN STAR KILLER (DVD)
DIG COUCH NOTE: Regardless of my reviews, these are squalid, hard to get through films and work in the very genre they set out to – but not much else. My deepest warning against watching these unless you have an intense curiosity. – DIG COUCH
Okay, not only did I never think I’d ever review a title like this for my site, but I never thought I’d be giving it a POSITIVE review. The truth is – this is a squalid, depressing little tape that has somehow spawned 2 sequels (I have seen neither – yet) – but it’s insanely real, if a bit overly artistic (I know – it sounds crazy.) The 73 minute film is basically this dude who picks up this girl in his car while he videotapes from either the worst video camera ever to exist, or we’re watching a copy of a copy of a copy – and sometimes the quality jumps from decent to horrendous to just plain annoyingly arty (or what the filmmaker thinks comes off as arty – is actually completely annoying and takes you out of the movie.) What’s left however, is an insanely gripping and mesmerizing 70 minutes of this dude talking this young girl into…well – the title says it all. But that’s all it is – the movie never leaves this shot. And that is the pull of it. And the acting – mostly improv – of the director/star and the girl – is absolutely real and believable – and as it goes on – this becomes one of the creepiest things I’d ever seen. But undeniably alive and raw.
Grade: B
UPDATE:
I watched Part 2. It’s much creepier. Maybe even evil. They offer two dvds – one is the FILM version (more pretense) – the other dvd is simply called THE KILLER’S SNUFF CUT with EVIDENCE marked on the disc – I chose that one just to see how far he would go with this premise. The same killer is back, and he goes much further with the premise this time around. It’s starker, darker, meaner – and much more sexually graphic – and violent. This does not make for feel-good watching – but as an absorbing piece of scripted reality, this is the real deal and you will need many showers and perhaps therapy after watching this.
Grade: B +
Someone just gave me part 3 – I’m extremely hesitant to watch. The only saving grace is its called THE FINAL CHAPTER.
JON BRION at LARGO (3 FRIDAY NIGHTS AGO)
I love Jon Brion – but I didn’t love this 3 hour fest that STARTED at 10 30 and went until the wee hours – with only 2 recognizable songs played the entire night. (Although – I slept through at least 4 songs – so maybe he did something awesome while I was sleeping.) He brought on a merry band of entertainers popular in the indie music world and they basically jammed. Frankly, for the money my friend Adam S. paid for me to attend this, I would’ve preferred some format to the show and maybe some real entertainment – instead it reminded me of being at your friends house when everyone else is drunk and on drugs except you – and they have musical instruments. The only instrument I needed was a gun – for Jon Brion, for my buddy Adam, and then of course for my mouth.
Grade: D +
THE VISITOR (DVD SCREENER)
Richard Jenkins is awesome in a film that somehow was generic, slow and predictable. Not to say it didn’t have some fine offbeat moments, but the only reason to watch this is for Jenkins wonderful performance as a stiff businessman trying to loosen up.
Grade: C -
THE BARBERA WALTERS SPECIAL (ABC)
The Jonas Brothers. Insipid. Ann Hathaway. Insiped. Mickey Rourke. Inspired – and insane.
Grade: eh. Barbera doesn’t ask anything remotely interesting anymore, so – who cares?
FAMILY GUY (FOX)
A stellar outing that saw their paralyzed cop friend in need of 20,000 dollars – Peter’s answer – rob Lois’ dad for millions. There was WAY too much going on in this episode to recount every funny laugh out loud moment – but this was a superlative outing for the show and a reminder of just how great this show could be.
Grade: A
UPDATE: While I was sick I watched MANY FAMILY GUY episodes on TOON. Watching a bunch of them, I have to say that there is a undeniable quality to them that is undeniable. When you are sick in bed and these shows are making you laugh out loud – you know it’s a classic. I saw the one where Stewie goes to High School to prove he’s cool. I saw Brian discover he has a 15 year old troublesome son. I saw Brian the dog nearly seduce Peter’s wife. And I saw Peter get a stroke from eating 80 greasy hamburgers. If you can’t tell – I fucking LOVE this show.
DEEPER THROAT (SHOWTIME)
A variation on last year’s hard R-rated DEBBIE DOES DALLAS AGAIN, once again we have a half hour Showtime series that chronicles the remaking of a classic porn film while telling comical stories about the industry and the zany characters that inhabit it. I remember last year’s DEBBIE got very cloying at the end and seemingly either scripted or very tightly produced to get certain results. Credit Showtime with going a little further in the unscripted department this time around. Although that scene with Steve Hersch and his wife in bed might as well have been accompanied by a laugh track. What’s really and truly special about this show – one of the things that made DEBBIE as fun as it was despite its flaws – is the weekly depiction of the artistic porn director, Paul Thomas. He’s great. He simply has the very worst creative instincts every single time around, but because he’s picked up a pretentious Hollywood vibe and way of speaking – he gets away with it all the time because it SOUNDS like he knows what he’s doing. Seeing his boss yell at him over the script for DEEPER THROAT (P.T. thought it should be re-imagined as a fairy tale) was bracing – although – I think Hersch went over the top for the cameras. But this one seems to have a bit more bite than DEBBIE did, and I’ll definitely be watching to see this unfold. I just realized I didn’t mention the bit about the girls who come in to audition to be the new Linda Lovelace. It was pretty funny – all these porn chicks came to show that they have the particular “talent” this role needs. Of course, they needed to demonstrate it with a huge sex toy. And then Showtime would always cut away, which kind of – I mean – I don’t know why they felt the need to censor themselves on that – but that’s the problem with these shows about porn – they want to be lighthearted about a very dark subject matter. It’s literally a show that dwells on the comedy aspect of it (which isn’t really funny since it’s being overproduced with cloying, unfunny music.) The fiery blonde New York girl was hilarious about her skills, and I should mention that they auditioned Sasha Grey, who’s been in porn since she’s 18, and has also been a big staple in articles that cite her age and her mature attitude. She’s even going to be starring in a Soderbergh film in the next few months. Go figure. After the camera spends five minutes with her – you tend to think this very smart girl could do just about anything. She was pretty funny in a way the show is not. She was talking about the fact that “DEEP THROAT” “probably has absolutely nothing to do with Watergate.”
Grade: B
UPDATE: Watched ep 2 – and wouldn’t you know it – we are back to FULLY SCRIPTED PROGRAMMING. At its worst. Sorry, I wanted to love this – but you don’t need to script – just shoot what happens and edit it. Must we get non-actors delivering bad jokes with the worst line readings. It’s almost like a porn except without the sex. Brianna Banks, one of Vivid’s biggest stars is featured in this ep and truly sounded like a man – it was a little scary. And again, we spend just a bit of time with Sascha Grey, who honestly should just have her own show. She’s everything this show is not – smart, funny, ironic – Why, if she wasn’t in porn, I might just be forced to make an honest woman of that ms. Grey. And together, we’d forget about her porno past and start fresh….and then Seinfeld will come back for another season along with a 2 hour finale movie version of HILL STREET BLUES!
(more on the SEINFELD situation later.)
I LOVE MONEY 2 (VH1)
Ridiculous and yet – so very watchable. My money (I think) is on The Entertainer – he gotta get out of his mother’s house! But this show is undeniably fun if not terribly cohesive – actually it’s a mess, but a good kind of mess. Buddha must be stopped.
VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA (DVD)
The Woodman, since marrying his daughter, has stepped out and stepped it up. No longer making sophisticated films about NYC, after a string of almost shitty movies, now makes great films with international locales. This latest, about two best friends on vacation in Barcelona, takes a wild turn when they meet Javier Bardeem – a romantic Spanish artist who, after initially coming on to them for sex, ends up in a truly unique friendship with both of them – he beds one and falls for the other. He and one of the ladies are living in bliss until Penelope Cruz, who one the Oscar for her role (she’s THAT good) as Javier’s ex shows up. This is a great slice of life among the rich, eccentric and talented and it has that air about it that sort of makes you feel like you’re in that lifestyle as you watch it. Woody Allen is an amazing director and if you think he’s not relevant anymore, check out this film, which is both low-key and one of the best of the year.
Grade: A -
THE AMAZING RACE (CBS)
I don’t usually watch this but my friend MIKE WHITE and his dad are on this year – so – I have to watch and I’m enjoying what I’m seeing – this is a class act among reality shows – if a bit frantic and at times hard to follow. Still – it has a great format and Mike and his dad are kicking ass! Grade: B -
LISA LAMPONELLI (HBO)
I loved Lisa when I first became aware of her on the PAM ANDERSON. I like Lisa on the Stern show. But let’s face it – I’ve now seen her COM CENTRAL hour and now her brand new HBO hour. I’m sorry – I know she’s the hot comic of the moment – but she hasn’t changed her act in years, and her act is as thin as she is not. It’s literally the same shtick every single time – she uses the N word frequently – in fact – she slags everyone but believe me, that’s not the problem. If you want to see someone being controversial AND funny – look to Sarah Silverman – if you want to see someone just hoping that the controversial words will bring laughter – here comes Lisa Lamponelli – who not only goes for it with gusto on the racist diatribes – but she doesn’t have any real material behind it. She kind of fashions herself as the female Andrew Dice Clay – only – let’s face it – Dice used to be KILLER FUNNY – love him or hate him – he has a Point Of View to his craft and told a story. Lamponelli should just stick to short sets, the Stern show, the Kimmel show – roasts – she’s great. But for a full hour - I didn’t laugh once. And the crux of her act seems to be “Look how wild I am.” Seriously – half her stories have to do with people finding her offensive. Lisa – let me give you a little advice in that department – the idea is to go out and BE funny and controversial if you have to – THEN OTHER PEOPLE talk about it – when YOU TALK ABOUT it during your act and you pat yourself on the belly for being so “crazy” – it comes off as pathetic. Truly. Sorry – I once considered Lisa one of the best comics out there – these hour specials have exposed her as a true one trick pony. And the one trick is REALLY OLD.
Grade: D
KURT COBAIN: THE MAN & HIS WORDS (IFC)
Ok, I got the title wrong and I’m too lazy too look It up – but it plays all the time on IFC. A great docu with hours of audio recordings from Kurt himself who I think was writing a book and the dialog is played out over images that were important to Kurt’s life. Slow moving but completely moving – I loved it.
Grade: B +
THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXY)
More of the same. Trashy and wild, but somehow not as interesting as seasons past. Yet, this episode that took place in Cancun was pretty wild – even for this show’s standards. Throughout the episode it seemed that some horrifying incident was being foreshadowed, as clouds gathered around the two AMBERS. After a wild wet bikini contest, in which two of our Bad Girls were in and lost to a totally foxy local (sorry, but all the bad girls this season – especially the two in the contest – looks like they have put on 40 pounds each. They’re still lovely – but they ain’t winning no bikini contest – not in America – as they both said was the problem – and not anywhere. After screaming about losing the contest (which the audience voted on) one of the girls complained that she was yelled out for throwing ice – something she claims she didn’t do, somehow the anger turned towards the brighter Amber of the two Ambers. Allyeah, who I truly believe is actually mentally retarded – not just joking – she’s really in need of some help, goaded them into a fight with the Ambers and the hour ended with a disturbing street fight that left one of the Ambers laying in the street half-dead (seemingly.) I can’t wait till next week.
Grade: B -
ONE MAN, ONE CUP (THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET)
Someone evil forwarded this to me. Not only can I not even come close to describing what I saw in print – but I will say this – it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in all my life – and I don’t know yet that I’ll ever be able to un-see it. Help me. God help me. And all of humanity.
DISTURBIA (HBO)
Catch this – it’s a DJ CARUSO directed variation of Hitchcock’s REAR WINDOW that really works. I liked this a lot, even if it is light as air.
Grade: B –
SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL (SHOWTIME)
Had their season final – this is a show that pretends to know about hooking – they may know some high end details – but the shame here is that it’s a wasted opportunity to really give some insight into the prostitution world with a scripted show – and it’s so concerned with being light and romantic – it has some nice moments here and there – but otherwise, you can skip this one.
Grade: C -
Saw Valerie Bertonelli recently on the RACHEL RAY show. Watching those two together - completely nauseating.
OSCAR UPDATE: I was reminded of the ghastly IN MEMORIUM section – where they decided fancy camera angles were more important than seeing the actual footage and names of the people who died – shameful.
NIP/TUCK: 5th Season Finale’ (F/X)
SO even Sean’s new “crazy” girl – a completely unrealistic portrait of anyone if there ever was one. Vampires, psychos, cryogenics, murder, porn – it was all packed into the last episode of the next to last season of this once flawless show. Now the show is all flaw.
Grade: D
CLASSIC ALBUMS: JOHN LENNON – PLASTIC ONO BAND (VH1 CLASSIC)
What a great testament to awesome music, inspired writing and creation, the love affair between John and Yoko – a woman that tore the world in half. And in the midst of all that, the nuts and bolts that went into making such an amazing album (that might be my favorite in his catalogue – and I love them all but that one – very special CD.) Highly highly recommended.
Grade: A
By the way - if you want to get the GREATEST female shirt around - seriously - go here.
this is a BOYFRIEND shirt - which is a man-style shirt made for woman and frankly - they are SEXY as HELL.
BLACK TO THE FUTURE (VH1)
Is a WE LOVE THE 70s type pop-culture riff with tons of talking heads – only this show focuses on all things black. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Jesse Jackson, Lionel Richie, Different Strokes, Eddie Murphy’s PARTY ALL THE TIME recording – all the great moments of black pop culture history is presented here and frankly – after watching all those other talking head shows which VH1 seems to specialize in – this one was really good. Focusing on black-only pop culture gave the show an edge and a focus. The comics were hilarious – although Hal Sparks is now sporting a scary rock star hair-do – other than that – this is really one to watch. There are too many things that fly by to really talk about – but this is a four parter that really works.
Grade: B +
ER is winding down with its last few episodes. It's been great to see some familiar faces, and Noah Whylie is particularly good in these episodes as Dr. Carter. Looking forward to seeing more familiar faces as the long running series finally comes to an end.
To everyone who witnessed Steve Harvey and his wife talking about the book they wrote about their love on the Oprah Winfrey show – let me know if you’re planning mass suicide. I might join you - because this was the worst spectacle of pseudo-celebrity ass kissing I’ve ever seen.
SPECTACLE (SUNDANCE)
Elvis Costello is really the best. He sings, he writes, he plays – and he has great questions and insights and a genuine curiosity for all his guests and a true pure love of music. I sometimes wish they’d sing some more familiar tunes instead of playing to the obscure crowd as I don’t know half the songs he’s reeling off – but when something magical happens – like Elvis and Lou Reed singing “Perfect Day” or Elvis singing “Border Song” to an astonished Elton John – this show is alive and pumping. This is a show that needs a first season soundtrack out ASAP. Truly, first rate.
Grade: A
SKINS (BBC DVD)
I had heard so much about this BBC show about the real lives of young adults – I thought I was in for a treat. I was and I wasn’t. It’s good and very watchable – but unlike what I was hoping for – which was realism – it’s really over the top and actually wickedly funny – just not what I was expecting. That said – there are some amazing scenes and some really clever stuff going on here – and the young actors are miraculous and the whole thing has sort of a TRAINSPOTTING vibe. I just don’t think it has the gravity to make you love it. It’s missing a bit of heart - although I’m only in the middle of series 1. Each episode focuses on a different kid – I particularly loved the girl with the eating disorder who kept getting strange texts to her cell that would say “EAT!” Even better was this weird tracking shot of her fingers running down a stairs banister…maybe you had to see it…anyway – if this gets much better I’ll let you know. There’s a little too much “clever comedy” for its good that keeps it from getting to the next level. So far…
Grade: B -
UPDATE: Started watching Disc 2 and it’s getting much better and much deeper.
SNUFF: A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT KILLING ON CAMERA (DVD)
Revolting and fascinating, this docu attempts to explore the “myth” of onscreen killing. It’s mostly talking heads with a few really disturbing shots here and there – they even include the entire segment from the end of a 75’ film called “SNUFF.” SNUFF was notorious back in the day for purporting to really kill someone at the end of the film. I remember renting SNUFF with some friends when it came out on VHS - we all were very freaked out at that ending. As the film – which is LAUGHABLE, ends, the “director” starts telling the actress how great she was and it leads to a supposedly impromptu make out session on the bed while the crew packs up. Suddenly – the director turns violent, and with the help of the crew, he kills and literally guts the woman. Now, I have to tell you – back in the day – me and all my friends were completely freaked and convinced we had seen a murder. It didn’t seem possible – and at the time – I should’ve realized that the PARTY CENTER in Brooklyn on Ralph Avenue – a candy, party supply and VHS rental shop would probably not have rented an actual on screen killing to a bunch of young boys. And yet, I always remembered that scene for being completely realistic for it’s time and just plain real. This docu begins early on by showing the entire sequence. 20 years later – I feel a bit snookered. The ending is actually so fake – so obviously fake – that I’m embarrassed I fell for it. Anyway – the film – while just mostly talking heads with some truly disturbing violent shots scattered throughout – is quite entertaining, disturbing and while some of the talking heads don’t really seem qualified to speak on the subject of SNUFF films – we do get a pretty full bodied idea of what a SNUFF film supposedly is. SNUFF is not nessessarily the act of just killing on camera – serial killers have been doing that for years. But a true SNUFF film in the commercial sense means somebody is murdered on camera for profit from the sick people who want to watch it. The film debates whether snuff is real or an urban myth. The answer – I don’t know. It probably doesn’t exist in the massive way some might think – but according to these folks and some news accounts – it exists. I will skip the Russian Child Porn Snuff ring – truly – one of the – I can’t even say. You can always see the movie if you’re interested in knowing about it – but it was apparently real and – wow. As horrifying as that was, there was nothing more horrifying to me than the last 10 minutes of the film, which had adult film producer Marc Rosen give a fully realistic account of the day he went to a LA hotel to meet some distributors who had something “outrageous” they wanted him to distribute. Marc sullenly gives a description of what he saw and starts to cry from the memory of this tape he was shown 20 plus years ago. I can’t recommend this film to anyone – but if you ever had a curiosity about the subject – this film offers a LOT of answers.
Grade: B +
And as far as the 1975 notorious classic SNUFF, For those interested – here is the trailer – probably creepier than anything in the actual movie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggP5cG1gLqg
I WAS A TEENAGE IDOL (VH1)
This is turning into a really good show. That kid from Baywatch is insane. Chris Atkins is cool. UPDATE:
I just watched the finale and not only did they try to give all the guys some decent hook ups for the future, some of them even got countdown shows on VH1 – maybe it won’t lead anywhere – but I think we’ll be seeing some of the people featured on this show. I liked the upbeat nature of this and I liked the camaraderie in the house as opposed to the feuding train wrecks that usually happens in these reality shows – I wouldn’t mind seeing another edition of this. Very enjoyable and somewhat cathartic in a way.
Grade: B -
AMATEUR PORN STAR KILLER (DVD)
DIG COUCH NOTE: Regardless of my reviews, these are squalid, hard to get through films and work in the very genre they set out to – but not much else. My deepest warning against watching these unless you have an intense curiosity. – DIG COUCH
Okay, not only did I never think I’d ever review a title like this for my site, but I never thought I’d be giving it a POSITIVE review. The truth is – this is a squalid, depressing little tape that has somehow spawned 2 sequels (I have seen neither – yet) – but it’s insanely real, if a bit overly artistic (I know – it sounds crazy.) The 73 minute film is basically this dude who picks up this girl in his car while he videotapes from either the worst video camera ever to exist, or we’re watching a copy of a copy of a copy – and sometimes the quality jumps from decent to horrendous to just plain annoyingly arty (or what the filmmaker thinks comes off as arty – is actually completely annoying and takes you out of the movie.) What’s left however, is an insanely gripping and mesmerizing 70 minutes of this dude talking this young girl into…well – the title says it all. But that’s all it is – the movie never leaves this shot. And that is the pull of it. And the acting – mostly improv – of the director/star and the girl – is absolutely real and believable – and as it goes on – this becomes one of the creepiest things I’d ever seen. But undeniably alive and raw.
Grade: B
UPDATE:
I watched Part 2. It’s much creepier. Maybe even evil. They offer two dvds – one is the FILM version (more pretense) – the other dvd is simply called THE KILLER’S SNUFF CUT with EVIDENCE marked on the disc – I chose that one just to see how far he would go with this premise. The same killer is back, and he goes much further with the premise this time around. It’s starker, darker, meaner – and much more sexually graphic – and violent. This does not make for feel-good watching – but as an absorbing piece of scripted reality, this is the real deal and you will need many showers and perhaps therapy after watching this.
Grade: B +
Someone just gave me part 3 – I’m extremely hesitant to watch. The only saving grace is its called THE FINAL CHAPTER.
JON BRION at LARGO (3 FRIDAY NIGHTS AGO)
I love Jon Brion – but I didn’t love this 3 hour fest that STARTED at 10 30 and went until the wee hours – with only 2 recognizable songs played the entire night. (Although – I slept through at least 4 songs – so maybe he did something awesome while I was sleeping.) He brought on a merry band of entertainers popular in the indie music world and they basically jammed. Frankly, for the money my friend Adam S. paid for me to attend this, I would’ve preferred some format to the show and maybe some real entertainment – instead it reminded me of being at your friends house when everyone else is drunk and on drugs except you – and they have musical instruments. The only instrument I needed was a gun – for Jon Brion, for my buddy Adam, and then of course for my mouth.
Grade: D +
THE VISITOR (DVD SCREENER)
Richard Jenkins is awesome in a film that somehow was generic, slow and predictable. Not to say it didn’t have some fine offbeat moments, but the only reason to watch this is for Jenkins wonderful performance as a stiff businessman trying to loosen up.
Grade: C -
THE BARBERA WALTERS SPECIAL (ABC)
The Jonas Brothers. Insipid. Ann Hathaway. Insiped. Mickey Rourke. Inspired – and insane.
Grade: eh. Barbera doesn’t ask anything remotely interesting anymore, so – who cares?
FAMILY GUY (FOX)
A stellar outing that saw their paralyzed cop friend in need of 20,000 dollars – Peter’s answer – rob Lois’ dad for millions. There was WAY too much going on in this episode to recount every funny laugh out loud moment – but this was a superlative outing for the show and a reminder of just how great this show could be.
Grade: A
UPDATE: While I was sick I watched MANY FAMILY GUY episodes on TOON. Watching a bunch of them, I have to say that there is a undeniable quality to them that is undeniable. When you are sick in bed and these shows are making you laugh out loud – you know it’s a classic. I saw the one where Stewie goes to High School to prove he’s cool. I saw Brian discover he has a 15 year old troublesome son. I saw Brian the dog nearly seduce Peter’s wife. And I saw Peter get a stroke from eating 80 greasy hamburgers. If you can’t tell – I fucking LOVE this show.
DEEPER THROAT (SHOWTIME)
A variation on last year’s hard R-rated DEBBIE DOES DALLAS AGAIN, once again we have a half hour Showtime series that chronicles the remaking of a classic porn film while telling comical stories about the industry and the zany characters that inhabit it. I remember last year’s DEBBIE got very cloying at the end and seemingly either scripted or very tightly produced to get certain results. Credit Showtime with going a little further in the unscripted department this time around. Although that scene with Steve Hersch and his wife in bed might as well have been accompanied by a laugh track. What’s really and truly special about this show – one of the things that made DEBBIE as fun as it was despite its flaws – is the weekly depiction of the artistic porn director, Paul Thomas. He’s great. He simply has the very worst creative instincts every single time around, but because he’s picked up a pretentious Hollywood vibe and way of speaking – he gets away with it all the time because it SOUNDS like he knows what he’s doing. Seeing his boss yell at him over the script for DEEPER THROAT (P.T. thought it should be re-imagined as a fairy tale) was bracing – although – I think Hersch went over the top for the cameras. But this one seems to have a bit more bite than DEBBIE did, and I’ll definitely be watching to see this unfold. I just realized I didn’t mention the bit about the girls who come in to audition to be the new Linda Lovelace. It was pretty funny – all these porn chicks came to show that they have the particular “talent” this role needs. Of course, they needed to demonstrate it with a huge sex toy. And then Showtime would always cut away, which kind of – I mean – I don’t know why they felt the need to censor themselves on that – but that’s the problem with these shows about porn – they want to be lighthearted about a very dark subject matter. It’s literally a show that dwells on the comedy aspect of it (which isn’t really funny since it’s being overproduced with cloying, unfunny music.) The fiery blonde New York girl was hilarious about her skills, and I should mention that they auditioned Sasha Grey, who’s been in porn since she’s 18, and has also been a big staple in articles that cite her age and her mature attitude. She’s even going to be starring in a Soderbergh film in the next few months. Go figure. After the camera spends five minutes with her – you tend to think this very smart girl could do just about anything. She was pretty funny in a way the show is not. She was talking about the fact that “DEEP THROAT” “probably has absolutely nothing to do with Watergate.”
Grade: B
UPDATE: Watched ep 2 – and wouldn’t you know it – we are back to FULLY SCRIPTED PROGRAMMING. At its worst. Sorry, I wanted to love this – but you don’t need to script – just shoot what happens and edit it. Must we get non-actors delivering bad jokes with the worst line readings. It’s almost like a porn except without the sex. Brianna Banks, one of Vivid’s biggest stars is featured in this ep and truly sounded like a man – it was a little scary. And again, we spend just a bit of time with Sascha Grey, who honestly should just have her own show. She’s everything this show is not – smart, funny, ironic – Why, if she wasn’t in porn, I might just be forced to make an honest woman of that ms. Grey. And together, we’d forget about her porno past and start fresh….and then Seinfeld will come back for another season along with a 2 hour finale movie version of HILL STREET BLUES!
(more on the SEINFELD situation later.)
I LOVE MONEY 2 (VH1)
Ridiculous and yet – so very watchable. My money (I think) is on The Entertainer – he gotta get out of his mother’s house! But this show is undeniably fun if not terribly cohesive – actually it’s a mess, but a good kind of mess. Buddha must be stopped.
VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA (DVD)
The Woodman, since marrying his daughter, has stepped out and stepped it up. No longer making sophisticated films about NYC, after a string of almost shitty movies, now makes great films with international locales. This latest, about two best friends on vacation in Barcelona, takes a wild turn when they meet Javier Bardeem – a romantic Spanish artist who, after initially coming on to them for sex, ends up in a truly unique friendship with both of them – he beds one and falls for the other. He and one of the ladies are living in bliss until Penelope Cruz, who one the Oscar for her role (she’s THAT good) as Javier’s ex shows up. This is a great slice of life among the rich, eccentric and talented and it has that air about it that sort of makes you feel like you’re in that lifestyle as you watch it. Woody Allen is an amazing director and if you think he’s not relevant anymore, check out this film, which is both low-key and one of the best of the year.
Grade: A -
THE AMAZING RACE (CBS)
I don’t usually watch this but my friend MIKE WHITE and his dad are on this year – so – I have to watch and I’m enjoying what I’m seeing – this is a class act among reality shows – if a bit frantic and at times hard to follow. Still – it has a great format and Mike and his dad are kicking ass! Grade: B -
LISA LAMPONELLI (HBO)
I loved Lisa when I first became aware of her on the PAM ANDERSON. I like Lisa on the Stern show. But let’s face it – I’ve now seen her COM CENTRAL hour and now her brand new HBO hour. I’m sorry – I know she’s the hot comic of the moment – but she hasn’t changed her act in years, and her act is as thin as she is not. It’s literally the same shtick every single time – she uses the N word frequently – in fact – she slags everyone but believe me, that’s not the problem. If you want to see someone being controversial AND funny – look to Sarah Silverman – if you want to see someone just hoping that the controversial words will bring laughter – here comes Lisa Lamponelli – who not only goes for it with gusto on the racist diatribes – but she doesn’t have any real material behind it. She kind of fashions herself as the female Andrew Dice Clay – only – let’s face it – Dice used to be KILLER FUNNY – love him or hate him – he has a Point Of View to his craft and told a story. Lamponelli should just stick to short sets, the Stern show, the Kimmel show – roasts – she’s great. But for a full hour - I didn’t laugh once. And the crux of her act seems to be “Look how wild I am.” Seriously – half her stories have to do with people finding her offensive. Lisa – let me give you a little advice in that department – the idea is to go out and BE funny and controversial if you have to – THEN OTHER PEOPLE talk about it – when YOU TALK ABOUT it during your act and you pat yourself on the belly for being so “crazy” – it comes off as pathetic. Truly. Sorry – I once considered Lisa one of the best comics out there – these hour specials have exposed her as a true one trick pony. And the one trick is REALLY OLD.
Grade: D
KURT COBAIN: THE MAN & HIS WORDS (IFC)
Ok, I got the title wrong and I’m too lazy too look It up – but it plays all the time on IFC. A great docu with hours of audio recordings from Kurt himself who I think was writing a book and the dialog is played out over images that were important to Kurt’s life. Slow moving but completely moving – I loved it.
Grade: B +
THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXY)
More of the same. Trashy and wild, but somehow not as interesting as seasons past. Yet, this episode that took place in Cancun was pretty wild – even for this show’s standards. Throughout the episode it seemed that some horrifying incident was being foreshadowed, as clouds gathered around the two AMBERS. After a wild wet bikini contest, in which two of our Bad Girls were in and lost to a totally foxy local (sorry, but all the bad girls this season – especially the two in the contest – looks like they have put on 40 pounds each. They’re still lovely – but they ain’t winning no bikini contest – not in America – as they both said was the problem – and not anywhere. After screaming about losing the contest (which the audience voted on) one of the girls complained that she was yelled out for throwing ice – something she claims she didn’t do, somehow the anger turned towards the brighter Amber of the two Ambers. Allyeah, who I truly believe is actually mentally retarded – not just joking – she’s really in need of some help, goaded them into a fight with the Ambers and the hour ended with a disturbing street fight that left one of the Ambers laying in the street half-dead (seemingly.) I can’t wait till next week.
Grade: B -
ONE MAN, ONE CUP (THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET)
Someone evil forwarded this to me. Not only can I not even come close to describing what I saw in print – but I will say this – it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in all my life – and I don’t know yet that I’ll ever be able to un-see it. Help me. God help me. And all of humanity.
DISTURBIA (HBO)
Catch this – it’s a DJ CARUSO directed variation of Hitchcock’s REAR WINDOW that really works. I liked this a lot, even if it is light as air.
Grade: B –
SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL (SHOWTIME)
Had their season final – this is a show that pretends to know about hooking – they may know some high end details – but the shame here is that it’s a wasted opportunity to really give some insight into the prostitution world with a scripted show – and it’s so concerned with being light and romantic – it has some nice moments here and there – but otherwise, you can skip this one.
Grade: C -
Saw Valerie Bertonelli recently on the RACHEL RAY show. Watching those two together - completely nauseating.
OSCAR UPDATE: I was reminded of the ghastly IN MEMORIUM section – where they decided fancy camera angles were more important than seeing the actual footage and names of the people who died – shameful.
NIP/TUCK: 5th Season Finale’ (F/X)
SO even Sean’s new “crazy” girl – a completely unrealistic portrait of anyone if there ever was one. Vampires, psychos, cryogenics, murder, porn – it was all packed into the last episode of the next to last season of this once flawless show. Now the show is all flaw.
Grade: D
CLASSIC ALBUMS: JOHN LENNON – PLASTIC ONO BAND (VH1 CLASSIC)
What a great testament to awesome music, inspired writing and creation, the love affair between John and Yoko – a woman that tore the world in half. And in the midst of all that, the nuts and bolts that went into making such an amazing album (that might be my favorite in his catalogue – and I love them all but that one – very special CD.) Highly highly recommended.
Grade: A
2009/03/05
Special Guest Couch Dweller: Ralph Cirella.
So, I've been sick for weeks and I just got over this nasty flu. While I was sick I watched a ton of stuff so this blog is packed - and at some point in the last year or so, my friend Ralph Cirella (Howard Stern Show) and I discussed him being a guest critic as he's one of my friends who watches almost as much as I do - and me being sick - this seemed like a good time to do it. Ralph is famous on the Stern show as much for being Howard's stylist as for his often snarky opinions (to put it really mildly.)
What I did not expect is that this guest critic's main target of criticism would be me, personally.
Thanks, Ralph.
I just got the U2 CD – have only heard it a few times thus far, but I'm starting to really like it. The third track, "Moment Of Surrender" is as good as anything the band has ever recorded. It's a gorgeous, seven minute track which now adds a near-epic to the U2 catalog.
RALPH SAYS:
I dont know about the new album, but they were GREAT on LETTERMAN.... it really looked/felt like a special event, the director did an AMAZING JOB... I have it on good authority they added a few cameras and he worked closely with BONO to make it work.
take a look if u missed it...
http://lateshow.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/live/index/php/979638.phtml?play=1
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (NBC)
Rock hosted and Ray LaMontague sang. For the record, I’m a huge LaMontague fan – but not of the stuff he sang last night nor so much his latest CD, which shies away from his usual depressing but great sounding records (check out his ALL THE WILD HORSES which is on the RESCUE ME soundtrack – amazing.) Let’s talk about THE ROCK for a minute. He’s okay in movies – he was amusing the first time he hosted. But now he’s become that guy – that truly unfunny guy working and sweating to make you laugh – and it’s become really embarrassing that somehow Dwayne “Rock” Johnson is now supposed to always be some kind of comedian. Really. It’s enough. He was a disaster at the Grammys and now he was a disaster on SNL. We like THE ROCK – let’s not drag him into this supposed idea that he’s a hilarious man, shall we? I mean, I really do like the Rock – he’s really genial. But when did he get the reputation of a seasoned comedian? Also – the rest of the show – without THE ROCK – sucked as well – so, anyway you sliced it – SNL has started one of their better years with a run of really bad episodes. There was literally not one funny sketch on this mother fucker. Not a one.
Grade: D -
RALPH SAYS:
kind of agree.....the opening sketch was REALLY GOOD (and THE ROCK is much more then OKAY in movies and VERY GOOD with comedy) but the rest of the show BLEW... including the usually funny UPDATE... i REALLY miss AMY POHLER and PLEASE keep
J. TIMBERLAKE out of the bldg
...now theres a guy whos NOT FUNNY!
theres been ALOT to like about the show this year
RALPHGRADE: GRADE B- (SEASON OVERALL)
LOST (ABC)
(CAUTION – SPOILERS AHEAD - MAJOR SPOILERS)
I finally caught up on the last batch of 7 or 8 eps of LOST. Before I say anything else – these episodes are truly a pleasure to watch. TV at its finest in many ways. Having an ending in sight has clearly allowed the writers and producers to tell and end the story the way they want to. I have some quibbles, but first let me say what I think is RIGHT about the ABC drama in it’s 5th and next to last season.
Every episode is now answering more questions than asking. We are getting closure and for the most part, the answers seem right and (mostly) ingenious. We finally get Sawyer as a full fledged action hero, and it’s a good fit. We get a bunch of the survivors (The Oceanic 6) on dry land, we get Ben as a (seemingly) good guy – which he plays astonishingly well. Although we don't know the truth of his war with Charles Whitmore – I’m riveted by the feud.
Daniel Faraday is the best new character in the history of the series. RIP Charlotte – who (SPOILER AHEAD) – even though time-travel proved to rough for her system – in my own humble opinion – I thought Charlotte – or rather the actress that played her – was truly one of the most exquisite woman ever on prime time. Her eyes…okay, this is clearly another conversation. And a great character that I was sorry to see go – although with LOST – you never know who’ll pop back up again. (Thank God they finally answered the WALT question this very last episode.)
And while I”ve LOVED the time traveling back and forth angle – let’s talk about the few things that aren’t quite working. First of all, not for a minute did I buy the BAD SUN plot – Sun as this revenge seeking – tough talking mama who’s out to kill Ben and having these – really insipid conversations with Whitmore complete with bad “B” dialog (Remember the scene where she was detained at the airport and she was screaming at Whitmore “Why did you do this? Was is it YOU who put me in this room!!!” Really bad – seriously – thank God Jin’s alive and we don’t have to endure “Killer Sun” anymore. Also – 2 episodes ago – things got REALLY woozy and the mythology almost got seriously fucked. The idea that they would go to that house with this woman (Faraday’s mom) and she had all the answers while she sat there in that ridiculous outfit with this absolutely nonsensical explanation of how to get them back to the island – I half expected her to say “Just tap your shoes and say “There’s no place like the Island. There’s no place like the Island.” Seriously – Faraday’s mom and her whole persona and her whole way to get them back to the island – not good. An awful key moment in a mostly stellar season.
Also – I’m still not sure – why in the fuck do they all want to go back there? Ok, I can see Sun wanting to retrieve her husband after her brief career as a laughable 84 pound assassin. (Boy, did that dialogue not serve the actress well.) Oh – I almost forgot – Sawyer slapping Farraday was as unexpected as it was AWESOME. But – getting back to the Island – why? Why would the doctor want to go back? Or Kate? (maybe Kate has a thing left for Sawyer – but that still would not really explain her going back.) Hurley? Well – I still don’t think they have a great fix on his character so – I never really understand any of his motivations. Sayid and Desmond – in a million years they would never go back – to save “THE OTHERS” this weird radial group of hippies that wanted them dead. So – therein lies the problem for me – I absolutely LOVE the storytelling – but can’t really put my finger on why exactly the survivors would want to go back beyond Ben telling them “Because the Island needs you.”
I just watched the most recent episode “Les Flour” which was a completely Sawyer-centric episode and slowed things down considerably to lesieurly tell the story of what Sawyer’s been doing for the last 3 years. Really, the ep was a complete let down and I was rather bored with Sawyer’s storyline – as much as I like the actor in that role and even though the twist ending was cool – it lacked any real moments. Again – a pretty rare misstep in an otherwise amazing season.
Despite my quibbles, LOST is as alive as ever, and once again, one of the big events of the TV season.
Grade: A
RALPH SAYS:
TOTALLY AGREE....your much more analytical then me though,
I don’t dig too deep with this show, I like to sit back and enjoy
the ride. The show is SMART, FUN, SURPRISING and ALWAYS ENTERTAINING.... I'm amazed at how they can write FLASH-BACKS... FLASH FOWARDS and now TIMESHIFTING...a CONFUSING mess that ALWAYS sorts itself out and satisfies on MANY LEVELS.
MUST SEE and a MUST SEE in real time, quite a feat these days
RALPHGRADE: A+
WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (ABC)
If you haven’t seen this – this is a great show from the ABC news division. They stage these tense incidents with actors to see if people watching would jump in. (Like a woman yelling at her nanny and being racist.) Unfortunately – some of the setups are as old as a bad Candid Camera segment – usually about half the show is relevant and great and the other half sucks out loud – but tune in – there is fun to be had here.
Grade: B -
RALPH SAYS:
dont watch this show....I dont care what anyone else would do,
most people are STUPID
SOBER HOUSE (VH1)
I’m a huge fan of this show – and I realize why it’s more exciting than CELEB REHAB – because in this show – you get the celeb, you get the addiction, the rehab AND the relapses! But I have to say – there are a few things in this show that are beginning to feel – don’t laugh when you read this – but exploitive. The whole thing with Seth on his crack run was frightening and real I’m sure – but the SCOOBY GANG in their van going around looking for Seth – highlighted by a trip to a porn star’s home who they woke up (I think her name was Jessie Jane) – and when she did wake up sporting a black eye, an uncharacteristically compassionate Andy Dick asked “Did Seth give you that, baby?” I mean – this was probably the apex of insanity. And there is some weird incestuous bent to all the relationships. Mary Carrey’s boyfriend is this major douche (at least how he’s being edited) named David – and everybody in the house seems to both know him and somehow work for him. It’s weird and they don’t bother to explain all the connections and what David’s actual connection to Seth is. And Dr. Drew bringing Rodney King back to where he was beaten – I’m sure it was cathartic for Mr. King – but it felt like something that should’ve been done with the cameras off. Still – it’s unbelievably compelling. And even if it can be exploitive and ridiculous – within every episode something really great/horrifying happens (after Seth was MIA for a few days, Steve, the heavy set dude who’s the bodyguard of the house finally found him in a depressing hotel room. After they reunited, Steve said “I love this guy – he’s a fool like me.”
It’s that kind of humanity that goes a LONG way in redeeming the more exploitive moments.
Grade: A
UPDATE: Just watched the ep where Andy Dick makes amends to a lot of people – very sobering and very real. Worst of all was watching Steven Adler completely fall apart.
RALPH SAYS:
NEVER saw this show and from your description I never WILL.
I once saw a few min of CELEB REHAB, JEFF CONWAY was hunched over and feeble, and some CRACKHEAD was trying to score.
I don’t find peoples MISERY entertaining.
DIGITAL COUCH SAYS: Since fucking when?
RALPH SAYS:
I just found it DISTURBING and I'm REALLY SURPRISED that
DR. DREW NEVER gets any heat for this.
DIGITAL COUCH SAYS: Dr. Drew is a very stabilizing presence on this show – without him it’d be lost. If I ever got into this kind of trouble – Dr. Drew would be the first guy I called.
ZACK & MINI MAKE A PORNO (DVD)
How bad does Kevin Smith want to be Judd Apatow? How’s this for starters – he gets 4 or more major players from the Apatow repertory company – he allows them to completely riff on his (what he thinks is) modern relevant script (it’s not) and just improv all the shittiness of the script away. Sorry, Kevin, even Seth Rogan can’t save your ass. Even with these talented actors and an admittedly fun idea, Smith still manages to make one of the worst comedies of the year. There are a couple of funny moments – 3 or 4 maybe – tops – but mostly its Kevin Smith desperately trying to get in on the new Apatow style comedy – a style that has never suited Smith. The truth is – I’m not a fan – so read this with a grain of salt – but besides CLERKS (overrated), I don’t’ think the guy has made one decent movie since. Why doesn’t he just buy a completed film of Apatow’s and stick his name on it? It would be a lot better than this – and by the way – the “porno” they make resembles absolutely nothing related remotely to porn – and it’s as if Smith nor anyone else in this entire movie – including Katie Morgan – the porn star who does those HBO specials – and Traci Lords, looking and sounding real tired – has never seen an actual porn – it’s that bad. The endless deleted scenes are even worse. And you can see every plot twist coming from 40 miles away – the worst. Any movie that can make Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks unappealing deserves a special place in Hell.
Grade: D
RALPH SAYS:
UGH... KEVIN SMITH is a whiny bitch who ALWAYS BLAMES someone else for his MANY failures...I have ZERO interest in his CHATTY, BORING MOVIES.
...and for the record CLERKS was WAY OVERATED!
THE ACADEMY AWARDS (ABC)
Umm….what to say. Hugh Jackman is disturbing. His song & dance routine – really disturbing. Like every year – there were highs and lows. HIGH – the inspired sketch from PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. LOW – Hugh Jackman sitting in Frank Langella’s lap. LOW – Sean Penn beating Mickey Rourke. By the way – I read something hilarious but don’t remember where so I can’t properly attribute it – but it went something like “Sean Penn won for MILK with the EXACT same performance he gave in I AM SAM without the mental retardation.” I kind of agree – Penn WAS great in a good movie – but he played a flawless character with no real arc. Rourke, on the other hand – took us through that guy’s entire life with clear precision – Rourke literally took all the other nominees to school on this one – but what do I know? Anyway – how many years are they NOT going to ask their main man, Jimmy Kimmel, to host this fucking thing? And the past presenters giving their personal notes to the nominees – awkward. Particularly Adrien Brody’s strange, rambling presentation to a mystified Richard Jenkins.
Grade: B –
RALPH SAYS:
B-!!...were u HIGH when u watched this??? this was ABSOLUTELY THE WORST FUCKING broadcast of the show EVER.
I tuned out/zoned out SEVERAL TIMES.
I TOTALLY agree HUGH JACKMAN was disturbing.... starting off with him PRANCING around to that ill-conceived low rent prop extravaganza was more then EMBARRASSING....
yeah I got the attempted joke there, but it wasnt funny.
As for the AWARDS themselves PENN TOTALLY deserved it, he was ACTING.... ROURKE was just playing HIMSELF, BASICALLY.
HATED that SYMPATHY VOTE for LEDGER.
-speaking of the JOKER someone PLEASE tell ANN HATAWAY to stop doing her makeup like a CLOWN!!
I LOVED the 5 PRESENTERS, for me that was the only saving grace of the night, problem is it happened in the first and last half hour....EVERYTHING in between was completely unsatisfying.
RALPHGRADE: a solid D for DULL.
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE! AFTER THE OSCARS (ABC)
Ok, this had a lot to live up to after last year’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck.” And he did it – the Mel Gibson interview was nothing short of genius. From minute one when Mel got out there and Jimmy asked “can I say Shalom?” to Jimmy telling Gibson that he should trademark “Sugartits” (which Mel claims he didn’t actually say – but wished he had) – and the whole thing was just kind of wonderful and gave Mel a chance to re-connect to the public he angered. Who knows if it worked. I don’t think it was really about that – I was genuinely curious about Mel at this point. I don’t know what the deal is with his new beard and such – but 1 – it’s nice to see Mel embracing old age – 2 – Kimmel & Co. worked wonders with it with the near-perfect KFC movie starring Mel Gibson (You Tube it – it’s that funny – you tube the whole interview.)
When things looked like they could not get any funnier – We got a “behind the scenes of the Kimmel Live! Promo” – who knew that the next great comedy team just might be Kimmel & Cruise? Every year Jimmy’s after Oscar show is better than the actual Oscars – when do they give this man the hosting gig? I mean, we’ve had Ryan Seacrest, Howie Mandel, Whoopi Goldberg, Hugh Jackman – who’s next – William Hung? But – back to this hour – awesome.
Grade: A +
RALPH SAYS:
I REALLY enjoyed JIMMYS after show too, esp. the stuff with CRUISE, and the show in general has been really good but...
"GENIUS"-"WONDERFUL" -"KIMMEL and CO. WORKED WONDERS"
STOP embarrassing yourself. You love JIMMY. We get it.
HOWARD TV (ON DEMAND)
Have been catching up a bit on some of these great segments from the greatest radio show in the world:
GARY VS. ARTIE
This was great. Gary was under the impression that Artie did not want him in Afganistan when Artie went to entertain the troops. He might’ve been right but Artie backed off the sentiment – which lead to some GREAT insane stories of Artie losing it overseas. Artie said there was one soldier who he had only known as this very nice guy and at some point the soldier had to get Artie in a headlock and tell him to get back in his room. Artie said he marched.
Grade: A
Gary’s TAKE ME BACK video (aka “hello hello”)
This was a video Gary made I think in the late 80s or early 90s to try and win back his girlfriend. Anyone who’s ever written any kind of “take me back” email or video would relate to this – though they showed the video straight – rather than the segment where Howard auctioned off seats and commented on every line – which is the version which I prefer – still – for pure humiliation grounded in humanity – it doesn’t’ get more humiliating than this – and god bless Gary for having a sense of humor about it.
Grade: A
RALPH SAYS:
A CLASSIC among CLASSICS!!! I'm not sure about that sense of humor though....If GOD didn't bless him with $20,000 (or whatever he got paid for showing it) u would have NEVER seen it!
EAST BOUND & DOWN (HBO)
Nothing less than the hands-down funniest new show in recent memory. The first 2 were stellar and star Danny McBride as a washed up pitcher who’s forced to move back to his home town and live with his brother and his horrified family. There are so many good jokes, so many great moments – Danny gets a job as a substitute teacher and walks into the lunchroom and announces to the faculty “There are four kids raping a 6th grader – awww, I’m just kidding!” The humor is as crass as it gets, Danny is a much of a mess as one person can possibly be. In episode two he agreed – for 200 bucks, to make a guest appearance at a local car dealership run by a wig wearing insane Will Ferrel – who completely humiliated Danny until the former pitcher was forced to take ecstacy and show up at a school dance of which he is faculty. This is fresh, unpredictable writing – every single scene goes in the opposite direction you were expecting and McBride is the best at being the worst. This show is DA BOMB. You can start from the beginning ON DEMAND. Highest recommendation.
Grade: A +
RALPH SAYS:
been on the fence with this one but based on your review i'll def check it out
THE BIGGEST LOSER (NBC)
Ok – Bob literally CRYING about the changing of the teams – leading to a 20 minute montage of Bob, thought tears, remembering the workout moments with his trainees…ok, this is starting to get RETARDED. Bob is fucking CRYING on the show because they split the teams – and Jillian is not far behind. By the way – the show is getting to the point where people have lost even 100 pounds and are starting to look great – that’s the money shot of this show – the weigh ins – not all the other bullshit with the complicated games – believe me. This is really simple - just show us huge giant people losing massive amounts of weight. That’s all we ask. Thank you.
Grade: B -
RALPH SAYS:
UGH...I've NEVER watched this....I HATE when people get rewarded for doing what they should be doing in the first place!
REAL TIME W/ BILL MAHER (HBO)
Maher returns not a moment too soon. I’ve always loved this show – I loved it on ABC before they gave it the ax – but I do have this one negative thing to say. Bill – you are funny, very insightful and often times brilliant. Your interplay with your carefully selected guests is always great. But Bill – as a friend who doesn’t know you – please heed my advice – for GOD’S SAKES – STOP WITH THE FUCKING BITS. What can we do to beg you to stop? THEY ARE NOT FUNNY. Truly not funny. And you trying to make them funny only makes you look lame – keep the show – drop the bits. They are a cancer on your otherwise healthy show. I say this with love – let it go.
Grade: A -
RALPH SAYS:
CONSISTENTLY GREAT and a MUST SEE, ignore the bad bits...just be happy they dont last as long as some of those bad SNL SKITS...
besides, the ALWAYS BRILLIANT NEW RULES makes up for it.
speaking of SNL, check this out, from awhile back but STILL CRACKS ME UP...
http://www.hulu.com/watch/47604/saturday-night-live-digital-short-j-in-my-pants
MR. WOODCOCK (HBO)
Ridiculous. Not funny. Worst of all – in the last 20 minutes – the bad film goes from bad laughs to bad sentiment. There seemed to be something funny in the premise, but it was never realized.
Grade: D
RALPH SAYS:
D?....CMON MAN... that was a funny premise and had its moments...although it did fall apart at the end.
RALPHGRADE: C+
30 ROCK (NBC)
Continues to be one of the funniest shows on network TV – BUT – they have to stay away from the more surreal storylines and stay GROUNDED and about the weekly show they put on and not get into these crazy flights of fancy with…the weird stuff they do in a lot of episodes. Still, even at it’s worst, it’s great.
Grade: B +
UPDATE: Just watched the episode from last Thursday. The best moment of it – and perhaps one of the funniest moments of the season – Jack Donagy explaining, with great pain in his heart, the ending of HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS. That speech alone was worth the price of admission.
Grade: A
RALPH SAYS: I agree, i'm not always so into it when they get too surreal but the OPRAH episode was pretty out there and still an A+ ...u gotta take a shot sometimes with the absurd.
Bottom line: the show is ALWAYS GREAT and BALDWIN is always BRILLANT!...and BRING BACK THE BEEPER KING!!
RALPHGRADE: consistently B+ to A+
CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (ABC)
What can you really say about this show? It’s been on forever – the format is completely the same pretty much every year. I actually prefer this new incarnation with the celebrities as its fun to watch them go after each other. But this first installment was no different from any other – just the celebs have changed. To that end – here is what stuck out in my mind – first of all – I’m rooting for Claudia from DEAL OR NO DEAL – she’s a friend and starred with Jess Zaino on TLC’s late, great series “GIRLS MODERN GUIDE TO LIFE.” That aside – that girl poker player looks pretty tough – thought I’d never heard of her. There are about 4 or 5 people – I don’t know who they are. Scott Hamilton is a weirdo with all his weird enthusiasm. Brandy Roderick (is that her name?) seems like one of these generic model/Playboy types who just…I don’t know. She’s made a living out of being pretty and then wants to be patted on the back for it – I guess.
Joan Rivers has had so much plastic surgery that it’s beginning to get really disturbing and poor Joan looks great from some angles – from others – she really does look like Donald Duck. I like the presence of her daughter, Melissa – they seem to be attached at the hip on every TV project either one of them does – but Joan is clearly the one with the charisma – Melissa seems nice – but she has zero personality on here. Dennis Rodman was his usual weird self – saying and doing little but just sort of being there and getting angry when he’s accused (rightfully so) of doing nothing. Some Monster Truck guy is there who’s lame.
Tom Greene – who I never found funny even when he was hot – comes off as fairly normal and nice – except for the one moment where he tried to be funny and it just got awkward. But hands down – the biggest mess this year was Andrew Dice Clay – the first guy to get kicked off (deservedly so) and just – a total mess. Anyone who reads this blog knows I love Dice and used to think he was the best comic around (he’s still funny when he does his thing both on stand-up and in the Stern studios) but here, on the Trump show, he seemed ill at ease, tired, cranky, petulant, every bit the character he supposedly “plays.” I felt bad for the horrified girl in the office he asked out. Worst of all was him thinking he had an audience of millions – he’d remind them what a great comedian he was – huge mistake. His 40 year old impression of Travolta (he still does the Travolta routine from WELCOME BACK KOTTER – seriously) and a REALLY wonky impression of Stallone that my niece could probably best him on – Dice – stick to the filthy material and it would’ve been nice to see you on here with a decent attitude instead of thinking you’re some kind of diva. He kept referring to the fact that he was bigger than everyone else in the room and that nobody ever sold out Madison Square Garden 3 nights in a row like him. And it’s like – Yeah, Dice – we know that – that was cool. It was also 92’. It’s 17 years later – you’re not the same guy so – act like a human being and instead he acted like a moron and made any Dice fan embarrassed to have once championed him. Throwing him off – that was tricky because he was bound to be more of a train wreck – but maybe Trump had mercy and saved the man from himself. I almost forgot – Donald Trump, Jr. Wow – he’s been around the show for years – he always sounds weird and awkward when he talks – that explanation about what he’s doing with his life by his father – WOW. This guy must be doing nothing but CELEB APPRENTICE. That said – he’s already starting in with the insanity of the hair like his dad. I can’t even describe nor explain what he does with his hair. Dude – cut the hair short and be done with it. Just how psychologically fucked up are you that you are trying to emulate the worst hair-do in the entire planet?
Grade: B –
UPDATE: I heard Dice on the Stern radio show and he had a very credible reason for being such a train wreck on the show – of course, mixed in with a good dose of Dice style self-sabotage.
RALPH SAYS:
DAMN... THAT’S quite the exhaustive review... EDIT MAN, EDIT!
anyway, this was the first time in AWHILE I was interested in the show and it didn't disappoint...although I wish they had kept DICE on a little longer esp. when I heard him explain on THE STERN SHOW why he was such an uncooperative pain in the ASS.
do all the TRUMP men HAVE to have BAD HAIR??
RALPHGRADE: A
NOTE TO JIMMY FALLON:
Dude, stop going around and talking about how your show is going to be so fucking funny because unlike all the other shows, you’re into the internet and Twitter. The fucking guy is running around saying because he’s using TWITTER his show rules. Jimmy Fallon, what in the fuck are you talking about? You don’t need the internet. People aren’t tuning in to see you play with a computer. What people would like is some hard comedy – the kind that makes them laugh. Then, after the monoluage – it usually works best if you actually have some curiosity and enthusiasm about your guests. Get it together. Although – I don’t know – Conan has made a living off not being funny for 15 years and now he’s getting the 11:30 slot, so what do I know? And Leno hasn’t made me laugh in the last 15 years and he’s getting 10:PM – so who knows? I just know that Fallon should shut up already about how the internet is what’s going to separate him from the pack – that may be true – but boy, will it not be in the way you want it to be. I think Fallon’s late night career will turn out worse than his big screen one. Good luck,
UPDATE: I saw a batch of eps. Fallon is really bad. He’s comes out and gives these monologues that he doesn’t seem to believe in. His bits, for the most part – are horrible. And he was supposed to innovate his whole process with TWITTER – instead he’s like – in an SNL sketch almost pretending to be in a bad tv talk show. Deniro interview was a fucking disaster. Cameron Diaz came out and looked great, but Jimmy Fallon has no idea what to ask since all he seems to care about is what people think of him – like because he’s cute and genial everyone’s going to just fall in love with him – despite the fact that he can’t conduct an interview to save his life. He reminds of a girl on a nervous first date. Then he had Drew Barrymore – of course the whole world knows that Fallon is married to Drew’s producing partner – and Drew is every bit as annoying as Tattiana from IDOL. I swear she is. She comes out with this cow-pie grin like everything is just so fucking wonderful in the air she’s in – she was like “Jimmy – you’re like family – you’re the funniest human being I know!!!!!!” And it’s all this fake, pie in the phoney hollwyood shit – yikes.
I know it’s just the beginning – but I’ll be shocked if this works.
RALPH SAYS:
Saw EPISODE 3 (CAMERON DIAZ), I'll say upfront I've NEVER been a fan of FALLONS...at all....cant stand that FAKE, GEE GOLLY, MESSY HAIRED, nice guy act he does (see SANDLER, SAMBERG).
Trying so hard to be likeable makes him TOTALLY UNLIKABLE...
one step above DANE COOK in the comedy world.
All that being said I obviously wasn’t expecting much
...and he didn't disappoint.
HOSTING a talk show is CLEARLY a role he’s not cut out for...
DURING the UNFUNNY monologue he appeared NERVOUS and UNSURE....Then it was on to some VERY LAME bits...BROMANCE NOVEL covers and THE WORST, some ill conceived celebrity feud thing with audience members that i cant even EXPLAIN
(which is supposed to be a recurring bit...lets hope not!)
His interview with CAMERON DIAZ was HORRIBLE...
he was LISPING, MUMBLING and talking over her answers.
(*NOTE to FALLON...it helps if u let the guest talk, esp. after u ask them a question) Then as you mention, he tries way too hard to be "with it" and reads questions for her that people submitted from TWITTER...and TERRIBLE ones at that.
UGH!....HOW LAME and DESPERATE...
you cant think of any questions yourself?!
The one and only HIGH POINT was the DANCE OFF with DIAZ...
FUN and GOOFEY...they should have just done that the entire show!
...the good news is it CANT get ANY WORSE!
RALPHGRADE... NONE...DO OVER!
I’ve been seeing the promos for DUPLICITY, in which Julia Roberts plays a brilliant, scheming woman to Clive Owen’s equally slippery character. There are shots of Roberts being “brilliant” and other shots of her resurrecting her thousand watt smile and laugh – I don’t know about you guys, but it made me throw up in my mouth.
RALPH SAYS:
YEAH...LOOKS AWFUL..... like one of those trailers you'd see in a movie for a fake movie...yaknow?? ... and speaking of BAD MOVIES dont waste your time/money on....
STEP BROTHERS...couple funny moments but WAY too over the top and GRATUITOUS... there appeared to be no script, and they just let those guys loose to do whatever the F they wanted.
RIGHTEOUS KILL... DUMB PREDICTABLE story that doesnt come close to living up to the potential of these two LEGENDARY ACTORS.... one of them alone in this would be bad enough, but to bring them together for such a useless piece of shit is a CRIME!
STREET KINGS (HBO)... WOW....TOTAL SHIT!
cant imagine how upset i'd be if i actually paid to see that mess
On more POSITIVE NOTES just saw LAST CHANCE HARVEY...
GOOD SUNDAY AFTERNOON LOVE STORY.
also check out BODY of LIES...DICAPRIO NEVER disappoints.
On the TV front STOP with all that REALITY CRAP man and get into some quality programming like...
BSG
continues to be the best show on television.
Z-ROCK
ROCKERS at NIGHT...KIDS PARTY BAND by DAY....
good guest stars and awkward situations.
24
GREAT CAST* and storylines...yeah, ALOT of the same notes but EVERY EPISODE is SOLID....a wkly MINI-MOVIE
*except for the ALWAYS ANNOYING GARAFALO
SHOOT HER JACK... PLEASE!!!
FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
as good as ever... I want to live in that town... GO PANTHERS!
BIG BANG THEORY
gets a little too GEEKY sometimes, but can be VERY FUNNY
NEW ADVENTURES of OLD CHRISTINE
ALWAYS makes me laugh out loud...almost as good as 30 ROCK
FRINGE
another GREAT CAST and VERY WELL WRITTEN...
INTRIGUING SUBPLOT
THANKS for having me....CIRELLA OUT!
What I did not expect is that this guest critic's main target of criticism would be me, personally.
Thanks, Ralph.
I just got the U2 CD – have only heard it a few times thus far, but I'm starting to really like it. The third track, "Moment Of Surrender" is as good as anything the band has ever recorded. It's a gorgeous, seven minute track which now adds a near-epic to the U2 catalog.
RALPH SAYS:
I dont know about the new album, but they were GREAT on LETTERMAN.... it really looked/felt like a special event, the director did an AMAZING JOB... I have it on good authority they added a few cameras and he worked closely with BONO to make it work.
take a look if u missed it...
http://lateshow.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/live/index/php/979638.phtml?play=1
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (NBC)
Rock hosted and Ray LaMontague sang. For the record, I’m a huge LaMontague fan – but not of the stuff he sang last night nor so much his latest CD, which shies away from his usual depressing but great sounding records (check out his ALL THE WILD HORSES which is on the RESCUE ME soundtrack – amazing.) Let’s talk about THE ROCK for a minute. He’s okay in movies – he was amusing the first time he hosted. But now he’s become that guy – that truly unfunny guy working and sweating to make you laugh – and it’s become really embarrassing that somehow Dwayne “Rock” Johnson is now supposed to always be some kind of comedian. Really. It’s enough. He was a disaster at the Grammys and now he was a disaster on SNL. We like THE ROCK – let’s not drag him into this supposed idea that he’s a hilarious man, shall we? I mean, I really do like the Rock – he’s really genial. But when did he get the reputation of a seasoned comedian? Also – the rest of the show – without THE ROCK – sucked as well – so, anyway you sliced it – SNL has started one of their better years with a run of really bad episodes. There was literally not one funny sketch on this mother fucker. Not a one.
Grade: D -
RALPH SAYS:
kind of agree.....the opening sketch was REALLY GOOD (and THE ROCK is much more then OKAY in movies and VERY GOOD with comedy) but the rest of the show BLEW... including the usually funny UPDATE... i REALLY miss AMY POHLER and PLEASE keep
J. TIMBERLAKE out of the bldg
...now theres a guy whos NOT FUNNY!
theres been ALOT to like about the show this year
RALPHGRADE: GRADE B- (SEASON OVERALL)
LOST (ABC)
(CAUTION – SPOILERS AHEAD - MAJOR SPOILERS)
I finally caught up on the last batch of 7 or 8 eps of LOST. Before I say anything else – these episodes are truly a pleasure to watch. TV at its finest in many ways. Having an ending in sight has clearly allowed the writers and producers to tell and end the story the way they want to. I have some quibbles, but first let me say what I think is RIGHT about the ABC drama in it’s 5th and next to last season.
Every episode is now answering more questions than asking. We are getting closure and for the most part, the answers seem right and (mostly) ingenious. We finally get Sawyer as a full fledged action hero, and it’s a good fit. We get a bunch of the survivors (The Oceanic 6) on dry land, we get Ben as a (seemingly) good guy – which he plays astonishingly well. Although we don't know the truth of his war with Charles Whitmore – I’m riveted by the feud.
Daniel Faraday is the best new character in the history of the series. RIP Charlotte – who (SPOILER AHEAD) – even though time-travel proved to rough for her system – in my own humble opinion – I thought Charlotte – or rather the actress that played her – was truly one of the most exquisite woman ever on prime time. Her eyes…okay, this is clearly another conversation. And a great character that I was sorry to see go – although with LOST – you never know who’ll pop back up again. (Thank God they finally answered the WALT question this very last episode.)
And while I”ve LOVED the time traveling back and forth angle – let’s talk about the few things that aren’t quite working. First of all, not for a minute did I buy the BAD SUN plot – Sun as this revenge seeking – tough talking mama who’s out to kill Ben and having these – really insipid conversations with Whitmore complete with bad “B” dialog (Remember the scene where she was detained at the airport and she was screaming at Whitmore “Why did you do this? Was is it YOU who put me in this room!!!” Really bad – seriously – thank God Jin’s alive and we don’t have to endure “Killer Sun” anymore. Also – 2 episodes ago – things got REALLY woozy and the mythology almost got seriously fucked. The idea that they would go to that house with this woman (Faraday’s mom) and she had all the answers while she sat there in that ridiculous outfit with this absolutely nonsensical explanation of how to get them back to the island – I half expected her to say “Just tap your shoes and say “There’s no place like the Island. There’s no place like the Island.” Seriously – Faraday’s mom and her whole persona and her whole way to get them back to the island – not good. An awful key moment in a mostly stellar season.
Also – I’m still not sure – why in the fuck do they all want to go back there? Ok, I can see Sun wanting to retrieve her husband after her brief career as a laughable 84 pound assassin. (Boy, did that dialogue not serve the actress well.) Oh – I almost forgot – Sawyer slapping Farraday was as unexpected as it was AWESOME. But – getting back to the Island – why? Why would the doctor want to go back? Or Kate? (maybe Kate has a thing left for Sawyer – but that still would not really explain her going back.) Hurley? Well – I still don’t think they have a great fix on his character so – I never really understand any of his motivations. Sayid and Desmond – in a million years they would never go back – to save “THE OTHERS” this weird radial group of hippies that wanted them dead. So – therein lies the problem for me – I absolutely LOVE the storytelling – but can’t really put my finger on why exactly the survivors would want to go back beyond Ben telling them “Because the Island needs you.”
I just watched the most recent episode “Les Flour” which was a completely Sawyer-centric episode and slowed things down considerably to lesieurly tell the story of what Sawyer’s been doing for the last 3 years. Really, the ep was a complete let down and I was rather bored with Sawyer’s storyline – as much as I like the actor in that role and even though the twist ending was cool – it lacked any real moments. Again – a pretty rare misstep in an otherwise amazing season.
Despite my quibbles, LOST is as alive as ever, and once again, one of the big events of the TV season.
Grade: A
RALPH SAYS:
TOTALLY AGREE....your much more analytical then me though,
I don’t dig too deep with this show, I like to sit back and enjoy
the ride. The show is SMART, FUN, SURPRISING and ALWAYS ENTERTAINING.... I'm amazed at how they can write FLASH-BACKS... FLASH FOWARDS and now TIMESHIFTING...a CONFUSING mess that ALWAYS sorts itself out and satisfies on MANY LEVELS.
MUST SEE and a MUST SEE in real time, quite a feat these days
RALPHGRADE: A+
WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (ABC)
If you haven’t seen this – this is a great show from the ABC news division. They stage these tense incidents with actors to see if people watching would jump in. (Like a woman yelling at her nanny and being racist.) Unfortunately – some of the setups are as old as a bad Candid Camera segment – usually about half the show is relevant and great and the other half sucks out loud – but tune in – there is fun to be had here.
Grade: B -
RALPH SAYS:
dont watch this show....I dont care what anyone else would do,
most people are STUPID
SOBER HOUSE (VH1)
I’m a huge fan of this show – and I realize why it’s more exciting than CELEB REHAB – because in this show – you get the celeb, you get the addiction, the rehab AND the relapses! But I have to say – there are a few things in this show that are beginning to feel – don’t laugh when you read this – but exploitive. The whole thing with Seth on his crack run was frightening and real I’m sure – but the SCOOBY GANG in their van going around looking for Seth – highlighted by a trip to a porn star’s home who they woke up (I think her name was Jessie Jane) – and when she did wake up sporting a black eye, an uncharacteristically compassionate Andy Dick asked “Did Seth give you that, baby?” I mean – this was probably the apex of insanity. And there is some weird incestuous bent to all the relationships. Mary Carrey’s boyfriend is this major douche (at least how he’s being edited) named David – and everybody in the house seems to both know him and somehow work for him. It’s weird and they don’t bother to explain all the connections and what David’s actual connection to Seth is. And Dr. Drew bringing Rodney King back to where he was beaten – I’m sure it was cathartic for Mr. King – but it felt like something that should’ve been done with the cameras off. Still – it’s unbelievably compelling. And even if it can be exploitive and ridiculous – within every episode something really great/horrifying happens (after Seth was MIA for a few days, Steve, the heavy set dude who’s the bodyguard of the house finally found him in a depressing hotel room. After they reunited, Steve said “I love this guy – he’s a fool like me.”
It’s that kind of humanity that goes a LONG way in redeeming the more exploitive moments.
Grade: A
UPDATE: Just watched the ep where Andy Dick makes amends to a lot of people – very sobering and very real. Worst of all was watching Steven Adler completely fall apart.
RALPH SAYS:
NEVER saw this show and from your description I never WILL.
I once saw a few min of CELEB REHAB, JEFF CONWAY was hunched over and feeble, and some CRACKHEAD was trying to score.
I don’t find peoples MISERY entertaining.
DIGITAL COUCH SAYS: Since fucking when?
RALPH SAYS:
I just found it DISTURBING and I'm REALLY SURPRISED that
DR. DREW NEVER gets any heat for this.
DIGITAL COUCH SAYS: Dr. Drew is a very stabilizing presence on this show – without him it’d be lost. If I ever got into this kind of trouble – Dr. Drew would be the first guy I called.
ZACK & MINI MAKE A PORNO (DVD)
How bad does Kevin Smith want to be Judd Apatow? How’s this for starters – he gets 4 or more major players from the Apatow repertory company – he allows them to completely riff on his (what he thinks is) modern relevant script (it’s not) and just improv all the shittiness of the script away. Sorry, Kevin, even Seth Rogan can’t save your ass. Even with these talented actors and an admittedly fun idea, Smith still manages to make one of the worst comedies of the year. There are a couple of funny moments – 3 or 4 maybe – tops – but mostly its Kevin Smith desperately trying to get in on the new Apatow style comedy – a style that has never suited Smith. The truth is – I’m not a fan – so read this with a grain of salt – but besides CLERKS (overrated), I don’t’ think the guy has made one decent movie since. Why doesn’t he just buy a completed film of Apatow’s and stick his name on it? It would be a lot better than this – and by the way – the “porno” they make resembles absolutely nothing related remotely to porn – and it’s as if Smith nor anyone else in this entire movie – including Katie Morgan – the porn star who does those HBO specials – and Traci Lords, looking and sounding real tired – has never seen an actual porn – it’s that bad. The endless deleted scenes are even worse. And you can see every plot twist coming from 40 miles away – the worst. Any movie that can make Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks unappealing deserves a special place in Hell.
Grade: D
RALPH SAYS:
UGH... KEVIN SMITH is a whiny bitch who ALWAYS BLAMES someone else for his MANY failures...I have ZERO interest in his CHATTY, BORING MOVIES.
...and for the record CLERKS was WAY OVERATED!
THE ACADEMY AWARDS (ABC)
Umm….what to say. Hugh Jackman is disturbing. His song & dance routine – really disturbing. Like every year – there were highs and lows. HIGH – the inspired sketch from PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. LOW – Hugh Jackman sitting in Frank Langella’s lap. LOW – Sean Penn beating Mickey Rourke. By the way – I read something hilarious but don’t remember where so I can’t properly attribute it – but it went something like “Sean Penn won for MILK with the EXACT same performance he gave in I AM SAM without the mental retardation.” I kind of agree – Penn WAS great in a good movie – but he played a flawless character with no real arc. Rourke, on the other hand – took us through that guy’s entire life with clear precision – Rourke literally took all the other nominees to school on this one – but what do I know? Anyway – how many years are they NOT going to ask their main man, Jimmy Kimmel, to host this fucking thing? And the past presenters giving their personal notes to the nominees – awkward. Particularly Adrien Brody’s strange, rambling presentation to a mystified Richard Jenkins.
Grade: B –
RALPH SAYS:
B-!!...were u HIGH when u watched this??? this was ABSOLUTELY THE WORST FUCKING broadcast of the show EVER.
I tuned out/zoned out SEVERAL TIMES.
I TOTALLY agree HUGH JACKMAN was disturbing.... starting off with him PRANCING around to that ill-conceived low rent prop extravaganza was more then EMBARRASSING....
yeah I got the attempted joke there, but it wasnt funny.
As for the AWARDS themselves PENN TOTALLY deserved it, he was ACTING.... ROURKE was just playing HIMSELF, BASICALLY.
HATED that SYMPATHY VOTE for LEDGER.
-speaking of the JOKER someone PLEASE tell ANN HATAWAY to stop doing her makeup like a CLOWN!!
I LOVED the 5 PRESENTERS, for me that was the only saving grace of the night, problem is it happened in the first and last half hour....EVERYTHING in between was completely unsatisfying.
RALPHGRADE: a solid D for DULL.
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE! AFTER THE OSCARS (ABC)
Ok, this had a lot to live up to after last year’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck.” And he did it – the Mel Gibson interview was nothing short of genius. From minute one when Mel got out there and Jimmy asked “can I say Shalom?” to Jimmy telling Gibson that he should trademark “Sugartits” (which Mel claims he didn’t actually say – but wished he had) – and the whole thing was just kind of wonderful and gave Mel a chance to re-connect to the public he angered. Who knows if it worked. I don’t think it was really about that – I was genuinely curious about Mel at this point. I don’t know what the deal is with his new beard and such – but 1 – it’s nice to see Mel embracing old age – 2 – Kimmel & Co. worked wonders with it with the near-perfect KFC movie starring Mel Gibson (You Tube it – it’s that funny – you tube the whole interview.)
When things looked like they could not get any funnier – We got a “behind the scenes of the Kimmel Live! Promo” – who knew that the next great comedy team just might be Kimmel & Cruise? Every year Jimmy’s after Oscar show is better than the actual Oscars – when do they give this man the hosting gig? I mean, we’ve had Ryan Seacrest, Howie Mandel, Whoopi Goldberg, Hugh Jackman – who’s next – William Hung? But – back to this hour – awesome.
Grade: A +
RALPH SAYS:
I REALLY enjoyed JIMMYS after show too, esp. the stuff with CRUISE, and the show in general has been really good but...
"GENIUS"-"WONDERFUL" -"KIMMEL and CO. WORKED WONDERS"
STOP embarrassing yourself. You love JIMMY. We get it.
HOWARD TV (ON DEMAND)
Have been catching up a bit on some of these great segments from the greatest radio show in the world:
GARY VS. ARTIE
This was great. Gary was under the impression that Artie did not want him in Afganistan when Artie went to entertain the troops. He might’ve been right but Artie backed off the sentiment – which lead to some GREAT insane stories of Artie losing it overseas. Artie said there was one soldier who he had only known as this very nice guy and at some point the soldier had to get Artie in a headlock and tell him to get back in his room. Artie said he marched.
Grade: A
Gary’s TAKE ME BACK video (aka “hello hello”)
This was a video Gary made I think in the late 80s or early 90s to try and win back his girlfriend. Anyone who’s ever written any kind of “take me back” email or video would relate to this – though they showed the video straight – rather than the segment where Howard auctioned off seats and commented on every line – which is the version which I prefer – still – for pure humiliation grounded in humanity – it doesn’t’ get more humiliating than this – and god bless Gary for having a sense of humor about it.
Grade: A
RALPH SAYS:
A CLASSIC among CLASSICS!!! I'm not sure about that sense of humor though....If GOD didn't bless him with $20,000 (or whatever he got paid for showing it) u would have NEVER seen it!
EAST BOUND & DOWN (HBO)
Nothing less than the hands-down funniest new show in recent memory. The first 2 were stellar and star Danny McBride as a washed up pitcher who’s forced to move back to his home town and live with his brother and his horrified family. There are so many good jokes, so many great moments – Danny gets a job as a substitute teacher and walks into the lunchroom and announces to the faculty “There are four kids raping a 6th grader – awww, I’m just kidding!” The humor is as crass as it gets, Danny is a much of a mess as one person can possibly be. In episode two he agreed – for 200 bucks, to make a guest appearance at a local car dealership run by a wig wearing insane Will Ferrel – who completely humiliated Danny until the former pitcher was forced to take ecstacy and show up at a school dance of which he is faculty. This is fresh, unpredictable writing – every single scene goes in the opposite direction you were expecting and McBride is the best at being the worst. This show is DA BOMB. You can start from the beginning ON DEMAND. Highest recommendation.
Grade: A +
RALPH SAYS:
been on the fence with this one but based on your review i'll def check it out
THE BIGGEST LOSER (NBC)
Ok – Bob literally CRYING about the changing of the teams – leading to a 20 minute montage of Bob, thought tears, remembering the workout moments with his trainees…ok, this is starting to get RETARDED. Bob is fucking CRYING on the show because they split the teams – and Jillian is not far behind. By the way – the show is getting to the point where people have lost even 100 pounds and are starting to look great – that’s the money shot of this show – the weigh ins – not all the other bullshit with the complicated games – believe me. This is really simple - just show us huge giant people losing massive amounts of weight. That’s all we ask. Thank you.
Grade: B -
RALPH SAYS:
UGH...I've NEVER watched this....I HATE when people get rewarded for doing what they should be doing in the first place!
REAL TIME W/ BILL MAHER (HBO)
Maher returns not a moment too soon. I’ve always loved this show – I loved it on ABC before they gave it the ax – but I do have this one negative thing to say. Bill – you are funny, very insightful and often times brilliant. Your interplay with your carefully selected guests is always great. But Bill – as a friend who doesn’t know you – please heed my advice – for GOD’S SAKES – STOP WITH THE FUCKING BITS. What can we do to beg you to stop? THEY ARE NOT FUNNY. Truly not funny. And you trying to make them funny only makes you look lame – keep the show – drop the bits. They are a cancer on your otherwise healthy show. I say this with love – let it go.
Grade: A -
RALPH SAYS:
CONSISTENTLY GREAT and a MUST SEE, ignore the bad bits...just be happy they dont last as long as some of those bad SNL SKITS...
besides, the ALWAYS BRILLIANT NEW RULES makes up for it.
speaking of SNL, check this out, from awhile back but STILL CRACKS ME UP...
http://www.hulu.com/watch/47604/saturday-night-live-digital-short-j-in-my-pants
MR. WOODCOCK (HBO)
Ridiculous. Not funny. Worst of all – in the last 20 minutes – the bad film goes from bad laughs to bad sentiment. There seemed to be something funny in the premise, but it was never realized.
Grade: D
RALPH SAYS:
D?....CMON MAN... that was a funny premise and had its moments...although it did fall apart at the end.
RALPHGRADE: C+
30 ROCK (NBC)
Continues to be one of the funniest shows on network TV – BUT – they have to stay away from the more surreal storylines and stay GROUNDED and about the weekly show they put on and not get into these crazy flights of fancy with…the weird stuff they do in a lot of episodes. Still, even at it’s worst, it’s great.
Grade: B +
UPDATE: Just watched the episode from last Thursday. The best moment of it – and perhaps one of the funniest moments of the season – Jack Donagy explaining, with great pain in his heart, the ending of HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS. That speech alone was worth the price of admission.
Grade: A
RALPH SAYS: I agree, i'm not always so into it when they get too surreal but the OPRAH episode was pretty out there and still an A+ ...u gotta take a shot sometimes with the absurd.
Bottom line: the show is ALWAYS GREAT and BALDWIN is always BRILLANT!...and BRING BACK THE BEEPER KING!!
RALPHGRADE: consistently B+ to A+
CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (ABC)
What can you really say about this show? It’s been on forever – the format is completely the same pretty much every year. I actually prefer this new incarnation with the celebrities as its fun to watch them go after each other. But this first installment was no different from any other – just the celebs have changed. To that end – here is what stuck out in my mind – first of all – I’m rooting for Claudia from DEAL OR NO DEAL – she’s a friend and starred with Jess Zaino on TLC’s late, great series “GIRLS MODERN GUIDE TO LIFE.” That aside – that girl poker player looks pretty tough – thought I’d never heard of her. There are about 4 or 5 people – I don’t know who they are. Scott Hamilton is a weirdo with all his weird enthusiasm. Brandy Roderick (is that her name?) seems like one of these generic model/Playboy types who just…I don’t know. She’s made a living out of being pretty and then wants to be patted on the back for it – I guess.
Joan Rivers has had so much plastic surgery that it’s beginning to get really disturbing and poor Joan looks great from some angles – from others – she really does look like Donald Duck. I like the presence of her daughter, Melissa – they seem to be attached at the hip on every TV project either one of them does – but Joan is clearly the one with the charisma – Melissa seems nice – but she has zero personality on here. Dennis Rodman was his usual weird self – saying and doing little but just sort of being there and getting angry when he’s accused (rightfully so) of doing nothing. Some Monster Truck guy is there who’s lame.
Tom Greene – who I never found funny even when he was hot – comes off as fairly normal and nice – except for the one moment where he tried to be funny and it just got awkward. But hands down – the biggest mess this year was Andrew Dice Clay – the first guy to get kicked off (deservedly so) and just – a total mess. Anyone who reads this blog knows I love Dice and used to think he was the best comic around (he’s still funny when he does his thing both on stand-up and in the Stern studios) but here, on the Trump show, he seemed ill at ease, tired, cranky, petulant, every bit the character he supposedly “plays.” I felt bad for the horrified girl in the office he asked out. Worst of all was him thinking he had an audience of millions – he’d remind them what a great comedian he was – huge mistake. His 40 year old impression of Travolta (he still does the Travolta routine from WELCOME BACK KOTTER – seriously) and a REALLY wonky impression of Stallone that my niece could probably best him on – Dice – stick to the filthy material and it would’ve been nice to see you on here with a decent attitude instead of thinking you’re some kind of diva. He kept referring to the fact that he was bigger than everyone else in the room and that nobody ever sold out Madison Square Garden 3 nights in a row like him. And it’s like – Yeah, Dice – we know that – that was cool. It was also 92’. It’s 17 years later – you’re not the same guy so – act like a human being and instead he acted like a moron and made any Dice fan embarrassed to have once championed him. Throwing him off – that was tricky because he was bound to be more of a train wreck – but maybe Trump had mercy and saved the man from himself. I almost forgot – Donald Trump, Jr. Wow – he’s been around the show for years – he always sounds weird and awkward when he talks – that explanation about what he’s doing with his life by his father – WOW. This guy must be doing nothing but CELEB APPRENTICE. That said – he’s already starting in with the insanity of the hair like his dad. I can’t even describe nor explain what he does with his hair. Dude – cut the hair short and be done with it. Just how psychologically fucked up are you that you are trying to emulate the worst hair-do in the entire planet?
Grade: B –
UPDATE: I heard Dice on the Stern radio show and he had a very credible reason for being such a train wreck on the show – of course, mixed in with a good dose of Dice style self-sabotage.
RALPH SAYS:
DAMN... THAT’S quite the exhaustive review... EDIT MAN, EDIT!
anyway, this was the first time in AWHILE I was interested in the show and it didn't disappoint...although I wish they had kept DICE on a little longer esp. when I heard him explain on THE STERN SHOW why he was such an uncooperative pain in the ASS.
do all the TRUMP men HAVE to have BAD HAIR??
RALPHGRADE: A
NOTE TO JIMMY FALLON:
Dude, stop going around and talking about how your show is going to be so fucking funny because unlike all the other shows, you’re into the internet and Twitter. The fucking guy is running around saying because he’s using TWITTER his show rules. Jimmy Fallon, what in the fuck are you talking about? You don’t need the internet. People aren’t tuning in to see you play with a computer. What people would like is some hard comedy – the kind that makes them laugh. Then, after the monoluage – it usually works best if you actually have some curiosity and enthusiasm about your guests. Get it together. Although – I don’t know – Conan has made a living off not being funny for 15 years and now he’s getting the 11:30 slot, so what do I know? And Leno hasn’t made me laugh in the last 15 years and he’s getting 10:PM – so who knows? I just know that Fallon should shut up already about how the internet is what’s going to separate him from the pack – that may be true – but boy, will it not be in the way you want it to be. I think Fallon’s late night career will turn out worse than his big screen one. Good luck,
UPDATE: I saw a batch of eps. Fallon is really bad. He’s comes out and gives these monologues that he doesn’t seem to believe in. His bits, for the most part – are horrible. And he was supposed to innovate his whole process with TWITTER – instead he’s like – in an SNL sketch almost pretending to be in a bad tv talk show. Deniro interview was a fucking disaster. Cameron Diaz came out and looked great, but Jimmy Fallon has no idea what to ask since all he seems to care about is what people think of him – like because he’s cute and genial everyone’s going to just fall in love with him – despite the fact that he can’t conduct an interview to save his life. He reminds of a girl on a nervous first date. Then he had Drew Barrymore – of course the whole world knows that Fallon is married to Drew’s producing partner – and Drew is every bit as annoying as Tattiana from IDOL. I swear she is. She comes out with this cow-pie grin like everything is just so fucking wonderful in the air she’s in – she was like “Jimmy – you’re like family – you’re the funniest human being I know!!!!!!” And it’s all this fake, pie in the phoney hollwyood shit – yikes.
I know it’s just the beginning – but I’ll be shocked if this works.
RALPH SAYS:
Saw EPISODE 3 (CAMERON DIAZ), I'll say upfront I've NEVER been a fan of FALLONS...at all....cant stand that FAKE, GEE GOLLY, MESSY HAIRED, nice guy act he does (see SANDLER, SAMBERG).
Trying so hard to be likeable makes him TOTALLY UNLIKABLE...
one step above DANE COOK in the comedy world.
All that being said I obviously wasn’t expecting much
...and he didn't disappoint.
HOSTING a talk show is CLEARLY a role he’s not cut out for...
DURING the UNFUNNY monologue he appeared NERVOUS and UNSURE....Then it was on to some VERY LAME bits...BROMANCE NOVEL covers and THE WORST, some ill conceived celebrity feud thing with audience members that i cant even EXPLAIN
(which is supposed to be a recurring bit...lets hope not!)
His interview with CAMERON DIAZ was HORRIBLE...
he was LISPING, MUMBLING and talking over her answers.
(*NOTE to FALLON...it helps if u let the guest talk, esp. after u ask them a question) Then as you mention, he tries way too hard to be "with it" and reads questions for her that people submitted from TWITTER...and TERRIBLE ones at that.
UGH!....HOW LAME and DESPERATE...
you cant think of any questions yourself?!
The one and only HIGH POINT was the DANCE OFF with DIAZ...
FUN and GOOFEY...they should have just done that the entire show!
...the good news is it CANT get ANY WORSE!
RALPHGRADE... NONE...DO OVER!
I’ve been seeing the promos for DUPLICITY, in which Julia Roberts plays a brilliant, scheming woman to Clive Owen’s equally slippery character. There are shots of Roberts being “brilliant” and other shots of her resurrecting her thousand watt smile and laugh – I don’t know about you guys, but it made me throw up in my mouth.
RALPH SAYS:
YEAH...LOOKS AWFUL..... like one of those trailers you'd see in a movie for a fake movie...yaknow?? ... and speaking of BAD MOVIES dont waste your time/money on....
STEP BROTHERS...couple funny moments but WAY too over the top and GRATUITOUS... there appeared to be no script, and they just let those guys loose to do whatever the F they wanted.
RIGHTEOUS KILL... DUMB PREDICTABLE story that doesnt come close to living up to the potential of these two LEGENDARY ACTORS.... one of them alone in this would be bad enough, but to bring them together for such a useless piece of shit is a CRIME!
STREET KINGS (HBO)... WOW....TOTAL SHIT!
cant imagine how upset i'd be if i actually paid to see that mess
On more POSITIVE NOTES just saw LAST CHANCE HARVEY...
GOOD SUNDAY AFTERNOON LOVE STORY.
also check out BODY of LIES...DICAPRIO NEVER disappoints.
On the TV front STOP with all that REALITY CRAP man and get into some quality programming like...
BSG
continues to be the best show on television.
Z-ROCK
ROCKERS at NIGHT...KIDS PARTY BAND by DAY....
good guest stars and awkward situations.
24
GREAT CAST* and storylines...yeah, ALOT of the same notes but EVERY EPISODE is SOLID....a wkly MINI-MOVIE
*except for the ALWAYS ANNOYING GARAFALO
SHOOT HER JACK... PLEASE!!!
FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
as good as ever... I want to live in that town... GO PANTHERS!
BIG BANG THEORY
gets a little too GEEKY sometimes, but can be VERY FUNNY
NEW ADVENTURES of OLD CHRISTINE
ALWAYS makes me laugh out loud...almost as good as 30 ROCK
FRINGE
another GREAT CAST and VERY WELL WRITTEN...
INTRIGUING SUBPLOT
THANKS for having me....CIRELLA OUT!
2009/02/22
SPECIAL ACADAMY AWARDS EDITION
MILK (DVD SCREENER)
I’m sure it’s all been said about this film, but I just got to see it the other day. Sean Penn is completely transformed into Harvey Milk, the San Francisco politician who inspired both love and hate and brought many gay issues to the light of day. While Harvey Milk is pretty much portrayed lovingly, Penn brings some real life pathos to the guy, and Josh Brolin is dynamite as the politician who feels out of place in the new political climate. Good film, epic in scale, but never really gets down to a human level. Milk is never shown to have any serious personal problems. When one boyfriend leaves, another one is around the corner. Because he’s portrayed as so very saintly with not one single negative aspect, I think the film never truly takes off and instead of any kind of character study, it’s just about this movement, which is important, but not as dramatic had a real live person inhabited the role. Penn makes the very most of what’s on the page, but there isn’t much. Gus Van Zandt, one of my favorite directors, shoots a very watchable and important film but one that's not terribly dramatic. It just never really takes off as the epic it so badly wants to be.
Grade: B
PAUL BLART: MALL COP (In Theaters)
Very funny movie with Kevin James taking center stage as a mall security cop who had aspirations of being a real cop – but his various sicknesses have kept him out of that game. Kevin James in his macho mustache and sweet demeanor is simply hilarious – he takes a thin premise and a “Die Hard” structure and turns it into something completely hilarious just by way of his comic take on situations and his great line readings. He’s in on the joke, and it shows. Highly recommended for some low-brow laughs.
Grade: B +
VALKERIE (IN THEATERS)
Tom Cruise takes on Hitler! This is not an epic, but a down and dirty conspiracy film with Cruise standing tall as the Nazi who wants Hitler dead so that future generations of the world can know that not every German believed in Hitler’s bullshit. This is an exciting film, well directed by Bryan Singer and very well acted by Mister Cruise.
Grade: B
THE READER (In Theaters)
Kate Winslett plays a sexually charged German woman who finds herself in a hot and heavy romance with a 16 year old boy. Later, as that boy moves on to college and starts taking law classes, he finds out quite a bit more about “Hanna.” No spoilers here, but suffice it to say that Kate Winslet is perfection in this amazing role about a woman who is capable of the worst kinds of atrocities, yet Winset’s performance makes us feel compassion for her. The movie itself is wonderfully shot and directed, and this is a major piece of filmmaking.
Grade: A
RESERVATION ROAD (HBO)
A really diverting drama/thriller about a car wreck that involves Joaquin Pheonix’s son and Mark Ruffalo. It’s not over the top, it’s just a solid, conveniatnely plotted movie with great performances from Ruffalo and Phoenix. Jennifer Connely, as Phoenix’s wife, is dead on arrival in her nothing role, but otherwise, this is a highly recommended film that ratchets up the intensity with every scene.
Grade: B
GONE COUNTRY (CMT)
Getting a little boring. Not only that – this week they had a new wonderful game for the contestants that involved abusing chickens. Not only was I unamused, but completely offended and now wondering if I’ll ever tune in again. This used to be one of the better reality shows, it’s now sunk to the bottom.
Grade: F
AMERICAN IDOL (HOLLYWOOD ROUNDS) Fox
Jimmy Kimmel had it right the other day, when during his monologue, he pointed out that every single person who got through always got sidetracked by one of the judges saying something like “we don’t have good news for you….we have FANTASTIC news – you’re going to Hollywood, DAWG!!!!!” It’s really getting a little old. They did this every single time, by the way. Anyway, I think the people who got through seem great, let the competition begin and let’s face it – nothing is better than seeing someone get up and not knowing how they’re going to sound. I can’t wait.
UPDATE: AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
Let the games begin. So far, my money is pretty much on that Danny guy who sang HERO at the end of last week. Still, I can’t believe that weak voiced dude who sang the Gavin McGraw song is still around.
Speaking of Kimmel, Danny McBride killed on the show the other day.
And R.I.P. for the mighty Adam Carolla's morning radio show, since 97.1 has abandoned their all-talk format. Carolla's show was the only solid thing on the morning dial that you didn't have to pay for - and his show and voice will be sorely missed.
DOUBT (DVD)
A total knockout. Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Meryl Streep are about as good as it gets in this Catholic Church drama set in the early 90s. Streep and Hoffman are just so good in this – it’s like a master class in acting. Just as good is John Patrick Shanley’s script an direction. A completely captivating stunner.
Grade: A +
NIP/TUCK (F/X)
This episode was penned by none other than series creator Ryan Murphy.
There is something still watchable about this show, but it’s really ready for the TV graveyward. A good barometer of the show is the question: Whatever happened to Kimber? During the first season or two she was realistic. Then in the 3rd season Christian was going to marry her – now she’s slept with Christian, Sean, married the son, Matt, starred and produced thousands of pornos, was captured by the Carver and tortured for months, and is now injecting botox into the lips of her baby so she can get a good modeling contract. At least they kept her realistic.
Ridiculous.
And un-gradable.
SNL (NBC)
Two weeks ago, hosted by a guy I can’t seem to recall in any movie I’ve ever seen. The next week hosted by Alec Baldwin. Pretty much, both episodes unwatchable. This last week started with a sketch where a bunch of the players and a confused Dan Ackeroyd sat around pretending to be Republicans and making fun of Obama (but REALLY – it was how GREAT Obama was.) That was about the most unsophisticated piece of comedy I’ve ever seen. They would’ve done a better job on HANNA MONTANA.
GIRLS OF WINDSOR HALL (MTV)
First of all, this shows owes a huge debt to VH1’s CHARM SCHOOL. And maybe not a creative debt – maybe an actual amount. But who am I to say? In the meantime, I’ll review the show that not only ripped off CHARM SCHOOL, but also goes a bit further with the premise. This one takes not girls from previous shows, but girls we haven’t met – girls who frankly, are really rough. One girl looks like she’s ready to kill everyone there, another runs a raunchy adult web site that stars her having sex with strangers, another strips when she wants to buy something – you get the idea. And the house mothers are really really strict – I mean, you kind of know the premise already – but this is a pretty fun show.
Grade: B -
THE VISITOR (DVD SCREENER)
I have to say – I was really looking forward to this – but the story itself is a bit of a bore. Richard Jenkins saves the day with his completely moving performance, but the film lacks and real energy.
Grade: C
THE ICE PAN (PAN ICE CREAM) (TARGET/BLOCKBUSTER ON LA BREA)
THE ICE PAN is probably the best ice cream I’ve ever had in recent memory. It’s in that little strip mall where Target and Best Buy are on La Brea and Melrose. The ice cream is uniquely healthy – in that you choose the type of milk – regular, non fat, low fat and soy. Soy milk means lactose intolerants can have Ice Cream. I prefer the low fat but it all tastes vaguely the same. You order what you want, and the toppings and they actually put the toppings in the ice cream. They make the ice cream in front of you on this sub-zero pan. They pour it on the pan and it’s liquid, then it starts to thicken and they add the toppings – I prefer chocolate with almonds and bananas. It’s amazing to watch them make your ice cream in minutes, but it tastes even more amazing. It’s kind of like the Benihana of Ice Cream. I can’t say enough good things about this place, but if you’re interested – go here:
http://www.icepanusa.com/ice_cream.html
IF I PICKED THE ACADAMY AWARDS
By the Digital Couch
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Heath Ledger probably will and should win – but if there is to be an upset, it should be with Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who was superb in DOUBT. However, if I was voting I, too would probably pull the lever for Heath, whose turn as THE JOKER will go down in the books as one of the most original takes on a known character ever.
BEST ACTOR
If it’s a dogfight between Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke – Mickey gets my vote. Penn was great, but he played a character that had no flaws and no real doubts about anything. He affected a voice that sounded like Harvey Milk and just played in these wonderful scenes where he was always the sweetest funniest and smartest guy in the room. My vote goes straight to Mickey Rourke.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Penelope Cruz is unusually good in VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA, but it’s Marissa Tomei who I thought gave the most lived in performance. My vote goes to Marissa.
BEST SONG
Should’ve been THE WRESTLER by Bruce Springsteen – somehow he got locked out of the category.
BEST ACTRESS
I didn’t see RACHEL GETTING MARRIED yet, nor CHANGELING or FROZEN RIVER – however – based on what I did see it’s between Meryl Streep for DOUBT and Kate Winslet of THE READER. My vote – Winslet for THE READER.
BEST DIRECTOR
Chris Nolan should’ve owned this, but as it is, I assume SLUMDOG’s Danny Boyle will walk away with the award. If I were picking, I would give it to Ron Howard’s measured rhythms of FROST/NIXON.
BEST SCREENPLAY (ADAPTED)
For me it would be THE READER or DOUBT – with the award probably going to DOUBT. Again, THE DARK KNIGHT got screwed here.
BEST SCREENPLAY (ORIGINAL)
The fantastic screenplay of THE WRESTLER got screwed on this, but if I’m too believe the hype, MILK will probably walk away with this.
BEST FILM
Because of the screwings THE DARK KNIGHT, THE WRESTLER and yes – even FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (the best 3 films of the year) – I’m going to have to guess the award goes to MILK, or SLUMDOG, but if THE READER walked away with it, that would be a moral victory for storytelling, as the main story point to MILK seemed to be “Isn’t Harver Milk fucking wonderful?”
I’m sure it’s all been said about this film, but I just got to see it the other day. Sean Penn is completely transformed into Harvey Milk, the San Francisco politician who inspired both love and hate and brought many gay issues to the light of day. While Harvey Milk is pretty much portrayed lovingly, Penn brings some real life pathos to the guy, and Josh Brolin is dynamite as the politician who feels out of place in the new political climate. Good film, epic in scale, but never really gets down to a human level. Milk is never shown to have any serious personal problems. When one boyfriend leaves, another one is around the corner. Because he’s portrayed as so very saintly with not one single negative aspect, I think the film never truly takes off and instead of any kind of character study, it’s just about this movement, which is important, but not as dramatic had a real live person inhabited the role. Penn makes the very most of what’s on the page, but there isn’t much. Gus Van Zandt, one of my favorite directors, shoots a very watchable and important film but one that's not terribly dramatic. It just never really takes off as the epic it so badly wants to be.
Grade: B
PAUL BLART: MALL COP (In Theaters)
Very funny movie with Kevin James taking center stage as a mall security cop who had aspirations of being a real cop – but his various sicknesses have kept him out of that game. Kevin James in his macho mustache and sweet demeanor is simply hilarious – he takes a thin premise and a “Die Hard” structure and turns it into something completely hilarious just by way of his comic take on situations and his great line readings. He’s in on the joke, and it shows. Highly recommended for some low-brow laughs.
Grade: B +
VALKERIE (IN THEATERS)
Tom Cruise takes on Hitler! This is not an epic, but a down and dirty conspiracy film with Cruise standing tall as the Nazi who wants Hitler dead so that future generations of the world can know that not every German believed in Hitler’s bullshit. This is an exciting film, well directed by Bryan Singer and very well acted by Mister Cruise.
Grade: B
THE READER (In Theaters)
Kate Winslett plays a sexually charged German woman who finds herself in a hot and heavy romance with a 16 year old boy. Later, as that boy moves on to college and starts taking law classes, he finds out quite a bit more about “Hanna.” No spoilers here, but suffice it to say that Kate Winslet is perfection in this amazing role about a woman who is capable of the worst kinds of atrocities, yet Winset’s performance makes us feel compassion for her. The movie itself is wonderfully shot and directed, and this is a major piece of filmmaking.
Grade: A
RESERVATION ROAD (HBO)
A really diverting drama/thriller about a car wreck that involves Joaquin Pheonix’s son and Mark Ruffalo. It’s not over the top, it’s just a solid, conveniatnely plotted movie with great performances from Ruffalo and Phoenix. Jennifer Connely, as Phoenix’s wife, is dead on arrival in her nothing role, but otherwise, this is a highly recommended film that ratchets up the intensity with every scene.
Grade: B
GONE COUNTRY (CMT)
Getting a little boring. Not only that – this week they had a new wonderful game for the contestants that involved abusing chickens. Not only was I unamused, but completely offended and now wondering if I’ll ever tune in again. This used to be one of the better reality shows, it’s now sunk to the bottom.
Grade: F
AMERICAN IDOL (HOLLYWOOD ROUNDS) Fox
Jimmy Kimmel had it right the other day, when during his monologue, he pointed out that every single person who got through always got sidetracked by one of the judges saying something like “we don’t have good news for you….we have FANTASTIC news – you’re going to Hollywood, DAWG!!!!!” It’s really getting a little old. They did this every single time, by the way. Anyway, I think the people who got through seem great, let the competition begin and let’s face it – nothing is better than seeing someone get up and not knowing how they’re going to sound. I can’t wait.
UPDATE: AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
Let the games begin. So far, my money is pretty much on that Danny guy who sang HERO at the end of last week. Still, I can’t believe that weak voiced dude who sang the Gavin McGraw song is still around.
Speaking of Kimmel, Danny McBride killed on the show the other day.
And R.I.P. for the mighty Adam Carolla's morning radio show, since 97.1 has abandoned their all-talk format. Carolla's show was the only solid thing on the morning dial that you didn't have to pay for - and his show and voice will be sorely missed.
DOUBT (DVD)
A total knockout. Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Meryl Streep are about as good as it gets in this Catholic Church drama set in the early 90s. Streep and Hoffman are just so good in this – it’s like a master class in acting. Just as good is John Patrick Shanley’s script an direction. A completely captivating stunner.
Grade: A +
NIP/TUCK (F/X)
This episode was penned by none other than series creator Ryan Murphy.
There is something still watchable about this show, but it’s really ready for the TV graveyward. A good barometer of the show is the question: Whatever happened to Kimber? During the first season or two she was realistic. Then in the 3rd season Christian was going to marry her – now she’s slept with Christian, Sean, married the son, Matt, starred and produced thousands of pornos, was captured by the Carver and tortured for months, and is now injecting botox into the lips of her baby so she can get a good modeling contract. At least they kept her realistic.
Ridiculous.
And un-gradable.
SNL (NBC)
Two weeks ago, hosted by a guy I can’t seem to recall in any movie I’ve ever seen. The next week hosted by Alec Baldwin. Pretty much, both episodes unwatchable. This last week started with a sketch where a bunch of the players and a confused Dan Ackeroyd sat around pretending to be Republicans and making fun of Obama (but REALLY – it was how GREAT Obama was.) That was about the most unsophisticated piece of comedy I’ve ever seen. They would’ve done a better job on HANNA MONTANA.
GIRLS OF WINDSOR HALL (MTV)
First of all, this shows owes a huge debt to VH1’s CHARM SCHOOL. And maybe not a creative debt – maybe an actual amount. But who am I to say? In the meantime, I’ll review the show that not only ripped off CHARM SCHOOL, but also goes a bit further with the premise. This one takes not girls from previous shows, but girls we haven’t met – girls who frankly, are really rough. One girl looks like she’s ready to kill everyone there, another runs a raunchy adult web site that stars her having sex with strangers, another strips when she wants to buy something – you get the idea. And the house mothers are really really strict – I mean, you kind of know the premise already – but this is a pretty fun show.
Grade: B -
THE VISITOR (DVD SCREENER)
I have to say – I was really looking forward to this – but the story itself is a bit of a bore. Richard Jenkins saves the day with his completely moving performance, but the film lacks and real energy.
Grade: C
THE ICE PAN (PAN ICE CREAM) (TARGET/BLOCKBUSTER ON LA BREA)
THE ICE PAN is probably the best ice cream I’ve ever had in recent memory. It’s in that little strip mall where Target and Best Buy are on La Brea and Melrose. The ice cream is uniquely healthy – in that you choose the type of milk – regular, non fat, low fat and soy. Soy milk means lactose intolerants can have Ice Cream. I prefer the low fat but it all tastes vaguely the same. You order what you want, and the toppings and they actually put the toppings in the ice cream. They make the ice cream in front of you on this sub-zero pan. They pour it on the pan and it’s liquid, then it starts to thicken and they add the toppings – I prefer chocolate with almonds and bananas. It’s amazing to watch them make your ice cream in minutes, but it tastes even more amazing. It’s kind of like the Benihana of Ice Cream. I can’t say enough good things about this place, but if you’re interested – go here:
http://www.icepanusa.com/ice_cream.html
IF I PICKED THE ACADAMY AWARDS
By the Digital Couch
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Heath Ledger probably will and should win – but if there is to be an upset, it should be with Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who was superb in DOUBT. However, if I was voting I, too would probably pull the lever for Heath, whose turn as THE JOKER will go down in the books as one of the most original takes on a known character ever.
BEST ACTOR
If it’s a dogfight between Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke – Mickey gets my vote. Penn was great, but he played a character that had no flaws and no real doubts about anything. He affected a voice that sounded like Harvey Milk and just played in these wonderful scenes where he was always the sweetest funniest and smartest guy in the room. My vote goes straight to Mickey Rourke.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Penelope Cruz is unusually good in VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA, but it’s Marissa Tomei who I thought gave the most lived in performance. My vote goes to Marissa.
BEST SONG
Should’ve been THE WRESTLER by Bruce Springsteen – somehow he got locked out of the category.
BEST ACTRESS
I didn’t see RACHEL GETTING MARRIED yet, nor CHANGELING or FROZEN RIVER – however – based on what I did see it’s between Meryl Streep for DOUBT and Kate Winslet of THE READER. My vote – Winslet for THE READER.
BEST DIRECTOR
Chris Nolan should’ve owned this, but as it is, I assume SLUMDOG’s Danny Boyle will walk away with the award. If I were picking, I would give it to Ron Howard’s measured rhythms of FROST/NIXON.
BEST SCREENPLAY (ADAPTED)
For me it would be THE READER or DOUBT – with the award probably going to DOUBT. Again, THE DARK KNIGHT got screwed here.
BEST SCREENPLAY (ORIGINAL)
The fantastic screenplay of THE WRESTLER got screwed on this, but if I’m too believe the hype, MILK will probably walk away with this.
BEST FILM
Because of the screwings THE DARK KNIGHT, THE WRESTLER and yes – even FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (the best 3 films of the year) – I’m going to have to guess the award goes to MILK, or SLUMDOG, but if THE READER walked away with it, that would be a moral victory for storytelling, as the main story point to MILK seemed to be “Isn’t Harver Milk fucking wonderful?”
2009/02/10
24, the grammys, I LOVE MONEY 2, and ROCK OF LOVE BUS.
24 (FOX)
I don’t know what it is – but this show has really gotten its mojo back. Jack Baeur is better than ever, I love his relationship with the new President and I like the woman he’s running around with. I’m even starting to like Janine Garafalo in the role (I love Janine – but didn’t think this would work – it’s starting to.) Great stuff. I have no idea what they’re all fighting about – but it almost doesn’t matter. They did a car wreck last night that was as good as any low budget action movie. Best moment of the night – when Cherry Jones, the new President says to Jack “How can I be sure where your loyalty lies?” and Jack answers “Ask around.”
Grade: A
I LOVE MONEY 2 (VH1)
What a collection of freaks and hos. I’ll be watching every episode.
Grade: B -
THE GRAMMYS (CBS)
Where do I begin? That opener, with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson doing his stand-up bit – that is really one for the record books. I loved how he had a joke for every celebrity and every single joke landed like a lead balloon. That aside – there was a lot to love about the proceedings. Whitney Houston seemed like she was about to tip over. I got very excited when she came out – then as soon as she started to talk I realized she was high. I didn’t really get the Jonas Brothers (who remind me a lot of the Goth kids from SOUTH PARK) and Stevie Wonder together. The Bo Diddly thing was cool. J.T. and Al Green were fantastic together. I guess I have to check out this Alison Krauss and Robert Plant record. But I thought the best singer of the night was Adele, whose CHASING PAVEMENTS is the song of the year, even if she didn’t win. It was also great to see Jenifer Hudson singing and winning after her tragic year – yet a little jarring to see “Punk” from I LOVE NY sitting with her in the audience.
Have you seen the ads for DIDDY who’s going to be on CSI: MIAMI? His line readings as a lawyer reminds one of the very worst junior high school production that ever lived. Diddy can do a lot – but boy are his line readings for shit.
HIS NAME WAS JASON (FRIDAY THE 13th) DVD DOCUMENTARY
This was really good. It’s a 90 minute documentary hosted by gore expert Tom Savini (who did effects for FRIDAY 1 and 4.) If you are a FRIDAY fan, like myself, you’ll find this fascinating, although there is no real discussion of the series decline, just sort of a celebration of all things Jason with as many original actors as they could muster. This is just the beginning of the FRIDAY rennasaince. This Friday, the new movie re-boot comes out, along with an extended dvd cut of the original FRIDAY with more of Tom Savini’s gore, and FRIDAY the 13th 3D is coming out with remastered 3D and the glasses. In fact - every film is coming out with tons of extras. Let’s hope the reboot is actually scary.
Grade: B
SPRINGSTEEN AT THE SUPERBOWL
I think Bruce did a pretty great job, though I would’ve never had him open with 10th AVE FREEZE OUT – which is one of those fan songs but – not really the crowd pleaser I would’ve preffered. I thought he did a great BORN TO RUN, I liked WORKING ON A DREAM and I thought he could’ve picked a different song than GLORY DAYS to finish out the set – however – it was still pretty great to have a real rock star doing the half time show.
Grade: B +
ROCK OF LOVE BUS (VH1)
Brett Michaels is bald and 60. The girls are insanely hot and completely insane. And Brett doesn't appear to be looking for love at all. He seems to like having the girls around and being the center of attention. And I'm completely addicted. But of all the installments, this one has the least going for it.
Grade: C
CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE IDOL (VH1)
I like the fact that this show is upbeat and seems to be about helping these guys rather than mocking them. Not that there isn't some of that - but this is a sweet natured show from Scott Baio and Jason Hervey - Jason is building quite a little cadre of reality shows - and I really liked this one and felt bad that Eric (REAL WORLD) Nies felt the need to leave because they all come off really well - even the odd looking Billy Huffsy.
Grade: B
GONE COUNTRY (CMT)
Richard Grieco is a lot angrier than I would've guessed. And I think he has a crush on Tara Conner.
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (DVD) and STEP BROTHERS (DVD)
Pineapple Express is really funny in the beginning, then turns into a so-so action movie…it’s a film that is kind of hard to review because it’s so ambitious but yet – while Rogan brings some heft to his role as…Seth Rogan, basically – Franco does a variation on his FREAKS & GEEKS character but without the depth and goes too often for cheap laughs. Danny McBride is a real standout here and I’ve heard the buzz for his new HBO series coming in a few weeks is off the charts. STEP BROTHERS had a really bad beginning, then it got really funny for about a half hour, then it sucked again. Being that STEPBROTHERS was an Apatow comedy, there were some nice moments in it – but definitely one you could skip.
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS: B +
STEPBROTHERS: C -
SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL (SHOWTIME)
Better than last year, still not a great show.
THE UNITED STATES OF TARA (SHOWTIME)
Way better than the ads suggested. The premise is completely goofy but if you can get over that, this becomes very enjoyable.
THE PUSHER TRILOGY (DVD)
I recently saw this on IFC and ordered the DVDs. This is an astonishing journey into the world of dealers, low lifes, prostitutes, all done with an unflinching camera and a great sense of humor. Made in Copenhagan, these films are both harrowing and exciting, funny and sad. The very first film is kind of brilliant, the second one great, the third one might top them all.
Grade: A +
I don’t know what it is – but this show has really gotten its mojo back. Jack Baeur is better than ever, I love his relationship with the new President and I like the woman he’s running around with. I’m even starting to like Janine Garafalo in the role (I love Janine – but didn’t think this would work – it’s starting to.) Great stuff. I have no idea what they’re all fighting about – but it almost doesn’t matter. They did a car wreck last night that was as good as any low budget action movie. Best moment of the night – when Cherry Jones, the new President says to Jack “How can I be sure where your loyalty lies?” and Jack answers “Ask around.”
Grade: A
I LOVE MONEY 2 (VH1)
What a collection of freaks and hos. I’ll be watching every episode.
Grade: B -
THE GRAMMYS (CBS)
Where do I begin? That opener, with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson doing his stand-up bit – that is really one for the record books. I loved how he had a joke for every celebrity and every single joke landed like a lead balloon. That aside – there was a lot to love about the proceedings. Whitney Houston seemed like she was about to tip over. I got very excited when she came out – then as soon as she started to talk I realized she was high. I didn’t really get the Jonas Brothers (who remind me a lot of the Goth kids from SOUTH PARK) and Stevie Wonder together. The Bo Diddly thing was cool. J.T. and Al Green were fantastic together. I guess I have to check out this Alison Krauss and Robert Plant record. But I thought the best singer of the night was Adele, whose CHASING PAVEMENTS is the song of the year, even if she didn’t win. It was also great to see Jenifer Hudson singing and winning after her tragic year – yet a little jarring to see “Punk” from I LOVE NY sitting with her in the audience.
Have you seen the ads for DIDDY who’s going to be on CSI: MIAMI? His line readings as a lawyer reminds one of the very worst junior high school production that ever lived. Diddy can do a lot – but boy are his line readings for shit.
HIS NAME WAS JASON (FRIDAY THE 13th) DVD DOCUMENTARY
This was really good. It’s a 90 minute documentary hosted by gore expert Tom Savini (who did effects for FRIDAY 1 and 4.) If you are a FRIDAY fan, like myself, you’ll find this fascinating, although there is no real discussion of the series decline, just sort of a celebration of all things Jason with as many original actors as they could muster. This is just the beginning of the FRIDAY rennasaince. This Friday, the new movie re-boot comes out, along with an extended dvd cut of the original FRIDAY with more of Tom Savini’s gore, and FRIDAY the 13th 3D is coming out with remastered 3D and the glasses. In fact - every film is coming out with tons of extras. Let’s hope the reboot is actually scary.
Grade: B
SPRINGSTEEN AT THE SUPERBOWL
I think Bruce did a pretty great job, though I would’ve never had him open with 10th AVE FREEZE OUT – which is one of those fan songs but – not really the crowd pleaser I would’ve preffered. I thought he did a great BORN TO RUN, I liked WORKING ON A DREAM and I thought he could’ve picked a different song than GLORY DAYS to finish out the set – however – it was still pretty great to have a real rock star doing the half time show.
Grade: B +
ROCK OF LOVE BUS (VH1)
Brett Michaels is bald and 60. The girls are insanely hot and completely insane. And Brett doesn't appear to be looking for love at all. He seems to like having the girls around and being the center of attention. And I'm completely addicted. But of all the installments, this one has the least going for it.
Grade: C
CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE IDOL (VH1)
I like the fact that this show is upbeat and seems to be about helping these guys rather than mocking them. Not that there isn't some of that - but this is a sweet natured show from Scott Baio and Jason Hervey - Jason is building quite a little cadre of reality shows - and I really liked this one and felt bad that Eric (REAL WORLD) Nies felt the need to leave because they all come off really well - even the odd looking Billy Huffsy.
Grade: B
GONE COUNTRY (CMT)
Richard Grieco is a lot angrier than I would've guessed. And I think he has a crush on Tara Conner.
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (DVD) and STEP BROTHERS (DVD)
Pineapple Express is really funny in the beginning, then turns into a so-so action movie…it’s a film that is kind of hard to review because it’s so ambitious but yet – while Rogan brings some heft to his role as…Seth Rogan, basically – Franco does a variation on his FREAKS & GEEKS character but without the depth and goes too often for cheap laughs. Danny McBride is a real standout here and I’ve heard the buzz for his new HBO series coming in a few weeks is off the charts. STEP BROTHERS had a really bad beginning, then it got really funny for about a half hour, then it sucked again. Being that STEPBROTHERS was an Apatow comedy, there were some nice moments in it – but definitely one you could skip.
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS: B +
STEPBROTHERS: C -
SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL (SHOWTIME)
Better than last year, still not a great show.
THE UNITED STATES OF TARA (SHOWTIME)
Way better than the ads suggested. The premise is completely goofy but if you can get over that, this becomes very enjoyable.
THE PUSHER TRILOGY (DVD)
I recently saw this on IFC and ordered the DVDs. This is an astonishing journey into the world of dealers, low lifes, prostitutes, all done with an unflinching camera and a great sense of humor. Made in Copenhagan, these films are both harrowing and exciting, funny and sad. The very first film is kind of brilliant, the second one great, the third one might top them all.
Grade: A +
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