Part 1.
I haven't seen all the year end films and probably won't - so this is a highly subjective and limited list. None the less, I've seen quite a few films.
In no particular order, here are some of the best things about 2009. And some of the worst. And some in between.
1.) PRECIOUS
It's really bleak. It's pretty dark and it was never meant to be ROCKY. But it's about the best drama I've seen in a long time with such originality that all of its ghetto cliches feel fresh and new. Based on a harrowing true story of a real girl growing up in Harlem in the 80s, precious features out of the box performances by its lead, Gabourey Sidibe as the young girl and as her mother, Monique gives a completely unexpected and lived in performance. Mariah Carrey is shockingly good in her two quick scenes and the direction is quite good, if a little outlandish in some of the quick fantasy sequences that feel completely out of place and amateurishly executed. That very minor quibble aside - this is a must see.
2.) WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
Completely original and wholly indescribable. The film, about the needs and yearnings of an aggressive young boy, quickly gets to a place where we are stuck for the rest of the movie. Initially it feels like a sentence. About 5 minutes later I realized I was literally in the mind of the boy and taken to a place in film I've never been before. The creatures are CGI marvels, James Gandolfini does some of his best work voicing the main puppet, and while I would not recommend this for kids at all - it's maybe one of the best kids films made for adults ever.
3.) PAUL BLART: MALL COP
Okay - not one of the year's best at all - but a far funnier film than it had a right to be. Kevin James can save almost any material and this had the feel of DIE HARD in a mall - and it all worked really well. I laughed out loud often. (not one of the year's best, just a great rental - but felt I should include this.)
4.) GOMORRAH
Unsentimental, hard, complicated to understand, and ultimately brilliant. Doing away with the kind of mob-sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS the best show ever, this slow burn of multi-story mob tales builds to an overall feeling that - loyalty doesn't mean shit.
5.) I LOVE YOU, MAN
The best Judd Apatow film not directed by Judd Apatow. Paul Rudd and Jason Siegal are just great as new found pals and the supporting cast, particularly Jon Favrau and Jamie Presley, do killer work in this likable comedy.
6.) THE GREAT BUCK HOWARD
Offbeat film that's supposedly about The Amazing Kreskin, I really enjoyed this. Colin Hanks is great and John Malchovich is perfect as the age-addled Buck Howard.
7.) CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE
Outrageous sequel to the outrageous and cult classic original - this film had no right to be funny, fresh and moving. Yet it was all those things. Way better than you'd think. And yes, it made no sense.
8.) TERMINATOR: SALVATION
Part 1 was great. T2 was probably one of the best of the genre. Part 3 sucked hard - this one almost fails to show up. The best thing this film produced was Christian Bale's outragous on set tirade at the sound man who kept stepping into frame during shooting: in fact, the following might be the best thing about 2009 (although - Tiger Woods was caught with 14 women right in time for Christmas) - in the meantime, enjoy one last jaunt through Mr. Bale's words:
...kick your fucking ass. I want you off the fucking set you prick. No, don't just be sorry, think for one fucking second. What the fuck are you doing? Are you professional or not? Do I fucking walk around and rip- no, shut the fuck up Bruce, do I-no! No! Don't shut me up. Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lighs down? In the middle of a scene? Then why the fuck are you walking right through? a-tada-tada like this in the background, what the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about- Hey! It's fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind bryce in the middle of the fucking scene. Gimme a fucking answer. What don't you get about it? ... fuck sake man you're amateur... you've got something to say to this prick? Well somebody's should be watching him and keeping an eye on him. It's the second time that he doesn't give a fuck about what is going on in front of the camera. Alright? I'm trying to fucking do a scene here and I'm going why the fuck is Shane walking in there? What is he doing there? Do you understand? My mind is not in the scene if you're doing that. Stay off the fucking set man, for fuck's set. Right let's go again. Let's not take a fucking minute, let's go again. And let's not have you fucking walking in... You're unbelievable man, you're un-fucking-believable. The number of times you stroll in the fucking background. I've never had a DP behave like this. You don't fucking understand what its like working with actors. That's what that is. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. You wouldn't have done that otherwise. I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass if you don't shut up for a second, alright? I'm gonna go, do you want me to go and trash your lights? Do you want me to fucking trash them? Then why are you trashing my scene? You do it one more time, and I wain't walking back to set if you're still hired... seriously man - you and me, we're fucking done professionally.... fucking ass.
How fucking great is that? If I could live, breathe and work in that - I would. It's that good.
Fucking amateur.
The movie itself was really rubbish, though. A true waste of time.
9.) UP
I have the last half hour to go on this, and aside from the amazing first 20 minutes which show a life, a marriage and a death with unbelievable poetry and wisdom, I never got into the rest of this Pixar film the way some did. Sorry. I didn't really get this one.
10) THE HANGOVER
Kinda funny, but very overrated.
11.) LAND OF THE LOST
Had its moments, but considering the amazing source material - this could've been the best super specific spoof in the world or the coolest action movie ever. Instead, it was a middling Will Ferrel comedy that was saved occasionally by some crude humor courtesy of the always hilarious Danny McBride.
12.) PUBLIC ENEMIES
Considering the director and the star, this was a massive one-note disappointment.
13.) DISTRICT 9
One of the year's best and one of the more unique movies in the sci-fi category. Starts as a documentary then casually morphs into a straight narrative. The special effects are very special and the metaphors actually work the relationship between the two leads was both moving and original.
14.) INGLORIOUS BASTERDS
QT honestly did it again. I would say one of his best, but then - he's only made about 6 films and they're all spectacular. Even JACKIE BROWN, originally kind of dissed in its theatrical release, is amazing if you go back and look at it. I even really liked DEATH PROOF, though that may be the least of his efforts. But getting back to BASTARDS, the cast is great, particularly the Jew Hunter, Brad Pitt is perfect and the last sequence between the theatre owner and the star of the faux film - haunting. The finale is one of the best 15 minutes of 2009. One of the years, and decades, very best. It exists as both a great war film, and firmly a Tarantino film.
15.) THE INFORMANT!
Really good, if not great. But really good. Matt Damon , howeer, is great.
16.) ZOMBIELAND
I love zombie movies and was hoping for more pathos in this - but it remained mostly a comedy throughout and as that, worked just fine. I just felt it could've been so much more. They just announced a 3-D sequel - that should be fun.
17.) THE BLIND SIDE
Like Hilary Swank before her, Sandra Bullock bravely plays a white woman who feels a compassionate need to help a needy young black man. Only this movie, with all its white guilt cliches, is written and directed so well that it all works. And Bullock, who really has found a way to step up her acting game in this film. is pitch perfect. Based on a true story, this is way better than I ever thought it could be.
Ok, so - I promised 10, gave you 17 - and I still have many films to watch.
This is the first part of my year end series and will do a few blogs with the rest of the notable 2009 releases along with my best picks for tv of the year, the year in music, and then I will really fuck up the best of the decade list.
In the meantime, here are some of the best of the decade films:
THE WRESTLER (not just a Mickey Rourke comeback but a great film all on its own)
THE DARK KNIGHT (superhero masterpiece)
WALL.E
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (unrated version - one of my very favorites)
TOWELHEAD (very dark, very good - maybe not a decade best, but one of the years best.)
ROLE MODELS (maybe not best of the decade - but pretty awesome.)
Stay tuned for part 2.
2009/09/18
Andy Samberg, Michael Jackson and The Real World
There is a backlog of things I need to review – so, these are going to be a bit older for a while – but I’ll eventually catch up.
HOT ROD (HBO)
I love Andy Samberg. That said - this is fucking awful.
Grade: D -
MICHAEL JACKSON: STRIPPED PERFORMANCES (ITUNES)
Right after MJ died Mowtown cynically took his most known performances and “stripped” them down to the vocals and bass. As opportunistic as this is – it’s a fantastic disc that highlights the young MJ’s voice to perfection.
Grade: A
CREEPSHOW 2 (HBO)
CREEPSHOW 1 began a partnership between George A. Romero and Stephen King that lasted 12 years, took much of their time and energies, and yielded exactly ONE good film – CREEPSHOW. They then went on to collaborate on about 34 other really shitty projects. (BRUISER anyone?) CREEPSHOW 2, like all of their post CREEPSHOW efforts, is mediocre at best. But of the 34 shitty projects, one of the better ones.
Grade: C -
PUBLIC ENEMY (IN THEATERS)
Depp is game and the shot on video look works in this period piece – but the script never takes flight, the romance doesn’t work at all, and we don’t care about any of these people. As good as Depp is, he never makes us relate to the famous bank robber. Michael Mann can be an expert filmmaker – here he’s just dull.
Grade: C
STASH (STRAIGHT to DVD)
Unwatchable.
F
RECOUNT (HBO)
Great HBO docu-drama about the voting process that showed itself to be insanely flawed during the Bush-Gore face off. If 10 percent of this film is true, the procedures used to count votes are reprehensible. The acting here, is superb. Particularly Kevin Spacey and Dennis Leary.
Grade: B +
REAL WORLD: CANCUN (MTV)
What a season of hookups, threesomes and that certain insanity that only 20 somethings can bring. The REAL WORLD is probably still one of the very best reality shows on tv – as it doesn’t waste time with a stupid competition – it just plays more like a fly on the wall as these seemingly nice people eventually plot to destroy each other. Speaking of which – While the Joey/Aaiya hook up was a surprise – the 3some involving Aiya, Pat, and the hot girl whose name I can’t remember but who showed up with a boyfriend and ended up fucking almost everyone in Cancun – that was a shocker. That girl whose name I can’t think of – she’s really a piece of work. And of course – great TV.
Grade: B
HOT ROD (HBO)
I love Andy Samberg. That said - this is fucking awful.
Grade: D -
MICHAEL JACKSON: STRIPPED PERFORMANCES (ITUNES)
Right after MJ died Mowtown cynically took his most known performances and “stripped” them down to the vocals and bass. As opportunistic as this is – it’s a fantastic disc that highlights the young MJ’s voice to perfection.
Grade: A
CREEPSHOW 2 (HBO)
CREEPSHOW 1 began a partnership between George A. Romero and Stephen King that lasted 12 years, took much of their time and energies, and yielded exactly ONE good film – CREEPSHOW. They then went on to collaborate on about 34 other really shitty projects. (BRUISER anyone?) CREEPSHOW 2, like all of their post CREEPSHOW efforts, is mediocre at best. But of the 34 shitty projects, one of the better ones.
Grade: C -
PUBLIC ENEMY (IN THEATERS)
Depp is game and the shot on video look works in this period piece – but the script never takes flight, the romance doesn’t work at all, and we don’t care about any of these people. As good as Depp is, he never makes us relate to the famous bank robber. Michael Mann can be an expert filmmaker – here he’s just dull.
Grade: C
STASH (STRAIGHT to DVD)
Unwatchable.
F
RECOUNT (HBO)
Great HBO docu-drama about the voting process that showed itself to be insanely flawed during the Bush-Gore face off. If 10 percent of this film is true, the procedures used to count votes are reprehensible. The acting here, is superb. Particularly Kevin Spacey and Dennis Leary.
Grade: B +
REAL WORLD: CANCUN (MTV)
What a season of hookups, threesomes and that certain insanity that only 20 somethings can bring. The REAL WORLD is probably still one of the very best reality shows on tv – as it doesn’t waste time with a stupid competition – it just plays more like a fly on the wall as these seemingly nice people eventually plot to destroy each other. Speaking of which – While the Joey/Aaiya hook up was a surprise – the 3some involving Aiya, Pat, and the hot girl whose name I can’t remember but who showed up with a boyfriend and ended up fucking almost everyone in Cancun – that was a shocker. That girl whose name I can’t think of – she’s really a piece of work. And of course – great TV.
Grade: B
2009/08/04
You're F..ing out - I'm F... in!
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE! (abc)
Last night's Jake Byrd segment was insanely funny. Check it out on youtube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FPIMMTx6n4
(sorry - don't know how to make this link hot - but cut and paste - this is that funny.)
DATELINE: THE TAKING OF PATTY HEARST (NBC)
Great new docu on the forever fascinating kidnapping of Patty Hearst by the ASL. I’ve never drawn a real conclusion as to what went on there but this hour provided lots of new insight. It's also a story I somehow can't get enough of.
Grade: B
DRIVEN (HBO)
Sly Stallone and Burt Reynolds – written by Sly and Directed by Renny Halan. An older race car driver (stallone) is called out of retirement by his old boss (Burt Reynolds) to stage a comeback on the road.
Written by Stallone.
Directed by Renny Harlen.
Grade: F
AMERICAN TEEN (DVD – Paramount)
Simply the best documentary I’ve seen in forever and the kids are pretty real, smart, straightforward, insecure, self hating and unforgettable. A home run.
Grade: A +
PRIMETIME: THE JACKSONS AFTER MICHAEL (ABC)
AND ALL OTHER VARIOUS JACKSON SPECIALS
I felt bad when I heard about MJ. We share the same b-day (aug 29) and I always felt close to him in some weird way because of that. During the 80s there was no bigger MJ fan than I – I can perfectly moonwalk (I swear.) At this point - there is nothing left to say. Joe Jackson is criminally scary - his mom seems weird - Debbie Rowe is out of her mind - Tito seems criminally stupid "Michael fathered those kids - look in their eyes - that's Michael in their eyes - Eyes don't lie..." But for whatever its worth - the 2 weeks that followed his death I could not get enough of his old CDs. God only knows what he did with those kids - and in death he really achieved something he could never obtain while alive - a bona fide comeback.
PARIS HILTON’S NEW BFF (MTV)
Insanly bad and yet…deliciously good. The premise is so retarded – Paris is so thick – yet someone it works….somehow.
Grade: C –
THE X FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (HBO)
Much better than the reviews had suggested – this was not some big sweeping mythology baiting swan song, but rather an intriguing follow up to the lame duck final episode which had a whole 2 hours of Mulder being taken to court by the FBI over his findings (it was a ridiculously bad ending and completely anti-climactic which put Mulder on the run from the FBI for the rest of his life – it was that bad.) This film handily makes up for the finale’s bullshit and jumps right back into the fray with our favorite subject – Mulder and Scully – it picks up reasonably where the finale left off – it has a so-so X-Files case involving Billy Connolly (only Chris Carter - famous purvert and porn addict - would posit a child molester as his hero - seriously) but it actually does further all the arcs and relationships and includes quite a few sweet surprises for long time X fans. This is not a great movie, but rather a really tasty follow up to a series that had seen its better days long before that final hour rolled. Reccomendded for completists and X fans alike – and for the record – they could make a few more of these and I’d be happy to watch them.
There is still a lot of life left in this franchise, and while I enjoy watching Duchovny get his freak on in CALIFORNICATION, this is clearly the best role he’ll ever have and his chemistry with Gillian Anderson remains a high point in this. I thought the ending could have put a wrap on the entire series as they could've realized this might be their final bow, but frankly, it does not go quite far enough in putting this to bed. I hope there's another one - with a better stand alone story.
Grade: B
PAULA ABDUL NOT ON IDOL?
Say it isn’t so. Though I’ve attacked her many times in this very blog, I’ve come to appreciate her insane brand of criticism and her unpredictable medically prescribed moments of insanity. Basically, she puts on a freak show that we all love watching – without her – it’s just Simon’s trenchant words that mean anything – the new girl Karla is bright but as for the show – she stinks – and Randy is as useless as always, dawg. Simon and Paula have the real chemistry here (and Simon and Ryan – interestingly enough) – and if I were Paula I’d recognize that this is home – take the money and make a drug induced run.
UPDATE: It's official - she's gone. It was fun while it lasted. Be prepared for a few really bad Paula driven competition shows.
MEAGAN WANTS A MILLIONAIRE (vh1)
Meagan is a beautiful and wretched presense. The men here are kind of pathetic and hilarious. Sounds like another winner. The ultimate problem is that of any great movie – Meagan is a great foil but not somebody we care at all about.
Grade: C -
LOLITA (68’ Stanley Kubrick Version)
I really liked this movie. I’d never seen it before – nor the remake, nor read the book. From what I have heard, the book is great and this film could not at the time really portray what was going on in the book. The funny thing is – it works to Kubrick’s advantage – in a weird way – the less he said – the more salacious the impliciation. In fact, by the time this hits the half-way mark, we believe that debauchery is going on that might not even be intended.
That said – there are some problems here – “Lolita” was cast to be not all that young – in the book she was 13 – here she’s cusping 17 and looks quite womanly – although it still works – just does not come off quite as scandalous. I also have to say – I had the entire Peter Sellers character quite wrong – although – even though it was a big reveal – (no spoilers) – there were aspects of it that did not really play out. Still, this is a very sturdy movie with a killer lead performance by James Mason, unafraid to take the role after half of Hollywood had turned it down.
Grade: B +
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke goes green! C’mon Guys!
Grade: F
RESCUE ME (FX)
Winding down from a VERY high wire and ambitious season with a spate of episodes that seem like after thoughts. This has been such a good season I hope they are planning some big time stuff for the final few eps. Either way, this has been a great year for a 5 year old show that I look forward to coming back again. This was their make it or break it year and they made it – I just hope that they shake off the 22 episode fatigue and go out of season 5 in as much style as they came into it.
Grade: B +
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
No human nature truth telling, no real life lesssons, just good old fashioned vampire yarns in a creepy, swampy town. And now with its most recents twists – this is better than ever. Sunday's episode was INSANE.
Grade: A +
THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE (DVD)
Yet another example of a film so bad, it’s delicious. Paris Hilton gives this her best shot – which is to say – she’s incompressible bad in this incomprehensibly plotted out film. The actress playing the “nottie” is really the best thing about this – and by HOTTIE – they mean Paris – playing an even dumber version of her public persona, and THE NOTTIE – is CLEARLY beautiful in a film beset by truly tragic lighting and direction problems – in which THE NOTTIE sometimes looks beautiful (her 3rd grade prostetichs don’t really hold the illusion that she’s ugly up very well.)
There are some ok actors in this – the story does have some kind of arc – but this is all very ridiculous – and perfect for a lazy Sunday with popcorn if you’re in the mood for a flim with 100 percent unintentional laughs. My favorite bit has to do with the Nottie – who at the beginning of the film is balding – gets a treatment at a spa and walks out with the nicest head of hair ever seen in the movies. The explanation – they slipped her a little Rogaine at her one hour treatment and it transformed her hair.
It’s that kind of shoddy research (P. Hilton was a producer on this – HUUUUGE), along with the male lead coming to yoga class in tight jeans – which, by the way – nobody batted an eyelash at – that makes this film so sinfully good.
I watched it with one of my best friends in July and we’re still laughing about it. As a real movie – don’t go near it. As something to make fun of and laugh at - highly recommended.
Grade: A/F
EASTBOUND & DOWN (HBO)
I recently caught up with all 6 original HBO eps and I’m convinced this was the comedy event of the tv season. Amazing – and about as funny as television gets – Kenny Powers – you are fucking in. And the guy that plays Stevie – he’s a miracle and maybe the most originally weird character ever in the history of a tv show. And as for April, Power’s ex – enchanting. The rest of the cast is every bit as rock solid and this series, thus far, is one for the record books. Never before have I rooted so hard for such an insane and messed up in every possible way protagonist. One of my favorite lines “I’m in the autumn of my youth and I would just like some peace, quiet and a warm glass of wine.”
Grade: A+
RANDOM FLIPPINGS:
Jay Mohr doing his Chris Walken impression on RACHEL RAY - I did not see the actual impressions - I just saw Mohr with that stupid fucking grin and Rachel say "We're here with Jay Mohr, Chris Walken and Tracey Jordan! (Tracey Jordan is now the go-to impression for no-talents who can't really do impressions) - Jay Mohr is on it!...
Zach uncovering a MURDERER by taking off the person's wig and revealing them to be a man on SAVED BY THE BELL...
The entire new season of BIG BROTHER kind of sucks....these might be the cheeziest characters ever - the fact that they are real people is almost disturbing...
Check out the latest Noel Gallaher (one half of Oasis) club shows on YOUTUBE...
Also check out thhe 2009 PROMS version of NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU on YOUTUBE - Sinead O'Conner gained 30 pounds, a full head of hair and still sings like an angel...
Last night's Jake Byrd segment was insanely funny. Check it out on youtube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FPIMMTx6n4
(sorry - don't know how to make this link hot - but cut and paste - this is that funny.)
DATELINE: THE TAKING OF PATTY HEARST (NBC)
Great new docu on the forever fascinating kidnapping of Patty Hearst by the ASL. I’ve never drawn a real conclusion as to what went on there but this hour provided lots of new insight. It's also a story I somehow can't get enough of.
Grade: B
DRIVEN (HBO)
Sly Stallone and Burt Reynolds – written by Sly and Directed by Renny Halan. An older race car driver (stallone) is called out of retirement by his old boss (Burt Reynolds) to stage a comeback on the road.
Written by Stallone.
Directed by Renny Harlen.
Grade: F
AMERICAN TEEN (DVD – Paramount)
Simply the best documentary I’ve seen in forever and the kids are pretty real, smart, straightforward, insecure, self hating and unforgettable. A home run.
Grade: A +
PRIMETIME: THE JACKSONS AFTER MICHAEL (ABC)
AND ALL OTHER VARIOUS JACKSON SPECIALS
I felt bad when I heard about MJ. We share the same b-day (aug 29) and I always felt close to him in some weird way because of that. During the 80s there was no bigger MJ fan than I – I can perfectly moonwalk (I swear.) At this point - there is nothing left to say. Joe Jackson is criminally scary - his mom seems weird - Debbie Rowe is out of her mind - Tito seems criminally stupid "Michael fathered those kids - look in their eyes - that's Michael in their eyes - Eyes don't lie..." But for whatever its worth - the 2 weeks that followed his death I could not get enough of his old CDs. God only knows what he did with those kids - and in death he really achieved something he could never obtain while alive - a bona fide comeback.
PARIS HILTON’S NEW BFF (MTV)
Insanly bad and yet…deliciously good. The premise is so retarded – Paris is so thick – yet someone it works….somehow.
Grade: C –
THE X FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (HBO)
Much better than the reviews had suggested – this was not some big sweeping mythology baiting swan song, but rather an intriguing follow up to the lame duck final episode which had a whole 2 hours of Mulder being taken to court by the FBI over his findings (it was a ridiculously bad ending and completely anti-climactic which put Mulder on the run from the FBI for the rest of his life – it was that bad.) This film handily makes up for the finale’s bullshit and jumps right back into the fray with our favorite subject – Mulder and Scully – it picks up reasonably where the finale left off – it has a so-so X-Files case involving Billy Connolly (only Chris Carter - famous purvert and porn addict - would posit a child molester as his hero - seriously) but it actually does further all the arcs and relationships and includes quite a few sweet surprises for long time X fans. This is not a great movie, but rather a really tasty follow up to a series that had seen its better days long before that final hour rolled. Reccomendded for completists and X fans alike – and for the record – they could make a few more of these and I’d be happy to watch them.
There is still a lot of life left in this franchise, and while I enjoy watching Duchovny get his freak on in CALIFORNICATION, this is clearly the best role he’ll ever have and his chemistry with Gillian Anderson remains a high point in this. I thought the ending could have put a wrap on the entire series as they could've realized this might be their final bow, but frankly, it does not go quite far enough in putting this to bed. I hope there's another one - with a better stand alone story.
Grade: B
PAULA ABDUL NOT ON IDOL?
Say it isn’t so. Though I’ve attacked her many times in this very blog, I’ve come to appreciate her insane brand of criticism and her unpredictable medically prescribed moments of insanity. Basically, she puts on a freak show that we all love watching – without her – it’s just Simon’s trenchant words that mean anything – the new girl Karla is bright but as for the show – she stinks – and Randy is as useless as always, dawg. Simon and Paula have the real chemistry here (and Simon and Ryan – interestingly enough) – and if I were Paula I’d recognize that this is home – take the money and make a drug induced run.
UPDATE: It's official - she's gone. It was fun while it lasted. Be prepared for a few really bad Paula driven competition shows.
MEAGAN WANTS A MILLIONAIRE (vh1)
Meagan is a beautiful and wretched presense. The men here are kind of pathetic and hilarious. Sounds like another winner. The ultimate problem is that of any great movie – Meagan is a great foil but not somebody we care at all about.
Grade: C -
LOLITA (68’ Stanley Kubrick Version)
I really liked this movie. I’d never seen it before – nor the remake, nor read the book. From what I have heard, the book is great and this film could not at the time really portray what was going on in the book. The funny thing is – it works to Kubrick’s advantage – in a weird way – the less he said – the more salacious the impliciation. In fact, by the time this hits the half-way mark, we believe that debauchery is going on that might not even be intended.
That said – there are some problems here – “Lolita” was cast to be not all that young – in the book she was 13 – here she’s cusping 17 and looks quite womanly – although it still works – just does not come off quite as scandalous. I also have to say – I had the entire Peter Sellers character quite wrong – although – even though it was a big reveal – (no spoilers) – there were aspects of it that did not really play out. Still, this is a very sturdy movie with a killer lead performance by James Mason, unafraid to take the role after half of Hollywood had turned it down.
Grade: B +
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke goes green! C’mon Guys!
Grade: F
RESCUE ME (FX)
Winding down from a VERY high wire and ambitious season with a spate of episodes that seem like after thoughts. This has been such a good season I hope they are planning some big time stuff for the final few eps. Either way, this has been a great year for a 5 year old show that I look forward to coming back again. This was their make it or break it year and they made it – I just hope that they shake off the 22 episode fatigue and go out of season 5 in as much style as they came into it.
Grade: B +
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
No human nature truth telling, no real life lesssons, just good old fashioned vampire yarns in a creepy, swampy town. And now with its most recents twists – this is better than ever. Sunday's episode was INSANE.
Grade: A +
THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE (DVD)
Yet another example of a film so bad, it’s delicious. Paris Hilton gives this her best shot – which is to say – she’s incompressible bad in this incomprehensibly plotted out film. The actress playing the “nottie” is really the best thing about this – and by HOTTIE – they mean Paris – playing an even dumber version of her public persona, and THE NOTTIE – is CLEARLY beautiful in a film beset by truly tragic lighting and direction problems – in which THE NOTTIE sometimes looks beautiful (her 3rd grade prostetichs don’t really hold the illusion that she’s ugly up very well.)
There are some ok actors in this – the story does have some kind of arc – but this is all very ridiculous – and perfect for a lazy Sunday with popcorn if you’re in the mood for a flim with 100 percent unintentional laughs. My favorite bit has to do with the Nottie – who at the beginning of the film is balding – gets a treatment at a spa and walks out with the nicest head of hair ever seen in the movies. The explanation – they slipped her a little Rogaine at her one hour treatment and it transformed her hair.
It’s that kind of shoddy research (P. Hilton was a producer on this – HUUUUGE), along with the male lead coming to yoga class in tight jeans – which, by the way – nobody batted an eyelash at – that makes this film so sinfully good.
I watched it with one of my best friends in July and we’re still laughing about it. As a real movie – don’t go near it. As something to make fun of and laugh at - highly recommended.
Grade: A/F
EASTBOUND & DOWN (HBO)
I recently caught up with all 6 original HBO eps and I’m convinced this was the comedy event of the tv season. Amazing – and about as funny as television gets – Kenny Powers – you are fucking in. And the guy that plays Stevie – he’s a miracle and maybe the most originally weird character ever in the history of a tv show. And as for April, Power’s ex – enchanting. The rest of the cast is every bit as rock solid and this series, thus far, is one for the record books. Never before have I rooted so hard for such an insane and messed up in every possible way protagonist. One of my favorite lines “I’m in the autumn of my youth and I would just like some peace, quiet and a warm glass of wine.”
Grade: A+
RANDOM FLIPPINGS:
Jay Mohr doing his Chris Walken impression on RACHEL RAY - I did not see the actual impressions - I just saw Mohr with that stupid fucking grin and Rachel say "We're here with Jay Mohr, Chris Walken and Tracey Jordan! (Tracey Jordan is now the go-to impression for no-talents who can't really do impressions) - Jay Mohr is on it!...
Zach uncovering a MURDERER by taking off the person's wig and revealing them to be a man on SAVED BY THE BELL...
The entire new season of BIG BROTHER kind of sucks....these might be the cheeziest characters ever - the fact that they are real people is almost disturbing...
Check out the latest Noel Gallaher (one half of Oasis) club shows on YOUTUBE...
Also check out thhe 2009 PROMS version of NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU on YOUTUBE - Sinead O'Conner gained 30 pounds, a full head of hair and still sings like an angel...
2009/06/27
RIP MJ, FARRAH and ED. America's Got Nothin'!
This is seriuosly behind - I had a guest staying with me in July and then got busy so - while I apologize for the un-timeliness of these reviews - thank goodness I've finally published so you can actually read my thoughtful gems.
AMERICA'S GOT TALENT! (NBC)
Wow - after the Susan Boyle thing blew up here in the states with her famous YOUTUBE clip - NBC must be absolutely convinced that this show is going to blow up here in the states.
I don't think so.
First of all - We like singing competitions - but I don't think we collectively like the oddball talent show quite as much. I like Piers Morgan, I like Sharon Osbourn - but who lit a fire under Hasslehoff's ass this year? He has really taken to being the "Simon" of the group - whereas everybody might love an act - Hasslehoff will say "Now wait a minute - I have a problem. This is for a million dollars - are people really...." and then he looks at the crowd and generally bows to whatever they tell him to do - in other words - he's no Simon.
Just a pathetic shchill who really - I mean - for God's sakes - this is truly the last man in the WORLD you need judging talent. His opinions are as ill fitting as his awesomely bad attire. A total moron - and thank God he's there because without him this would really be boring. But let's move on to the absolute MOST troubling new aspect of this show: Nick Fucking Cannon.
Trying to ape the British formula all the way down to the MC's cutaway reactions - now - in the middle of the acts and the critics - they keep cutting to Nick, who says retarded one-liners like "what am I supposed to do with that" or "Man, we got no talent!" I mean - he's about as bad a host as you can dig up. Truly awful and even more embarresssing than the Hoff - which is pretty embarressing.
I don't know who was on - I can't remember one act. I get it but - I'd simply prefer to wait for Idol than see dudes who juggle fire and Hoff playing to the crowd while they cut away to Nick Cannon doing a poor man's LAUGH IN. Why are we supposed to like Nick Cannon again?
Grade: D -
UPDATE: Blah. I checked out. Even worse.
KATHERINE HEIGEL
on Leterman, Kimmel, etc...
Appears to be a full-on overly entitled monster.
She must be stopped.
Blech.
SICKO (SHOWTIME)
If 1/3 of this is true - then we have the most shameful system of health care ever. It's depressing as Moore trots out professionals in the medical/insurance biz to admit that part of their job was to save money even if it meant people needlessly died. It's an important film and doesn't really offer much in the way of answers - just presents a very ugly problem.
Grade: B
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Watching the new eps - fucking great. I love this show. Sex, drugs, vampires, sex, gore, vampires - and most of all - really fresh storytelling - I fucking love this. HBO has a serious winner here.
Grade: A
UPDATE: Better than ever - I love this show. Even more than in my other review.
UPDATE: Better than above.
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke was on a yacht, B—ch! Yes, In one of the absolute rock bottom moments in reality television – or one of the best - depending upon how you look at such things - Brooke’s roommate – and I have to say – in one of the most insanely overly scripted produced and acted half hours in the “reality” biz history – so Brooke’s roommate takes some money from a shady Persian dude for an appearance from her and Brooke on his yacht.
Brooke warns her that it sounds shady but they need the money – so they go – and it quickly turns into a nightmare as these guys seem interested in some kind of rape scenario – gently suggested by VH1 by having one of the guys grab the roommate and smack her on the ass. Ok, enough is enough. At one point they even lock themselves in the room while the Persians are breaking down the door and saying cheesy scripted lines like “Don’t play hard to get!”
Then Brooke and the roommate – in a cliffhanger no less – escape at port to the Bahamas – with no money – what are the going to do, guys!!!!!
Ok – listen – in order to enjoy that you have suspend disbelief entirely. Most girls don’t get lured into a situation like that with a massive camera crew and set up shots. This played like a very bad ABC afterschool special – this show is so bad in fact – it’s maybe the best ever. I don’t know what to say but it’s reached a level of badness that you kind of have to watch.
Grade F/A
UPDATE: It's gotten to spectacular/bad to mostly bad/bad.
Too bad.
GOMORRAH (DVD)
A completely unsentimental journey into the real mafia in Italy with scary, documentary vibe. It's a modern epic crime and the nature of organized crime and loyalty based on a series of articles written in Italy. This is the anti-Sopranos – people get whacked and loyalty is not rewarded and nobody gives a moments hesitation to the carnage. It’s sort of too big and ambitious to really start reviewing every storyline - but it’s one of the best of the year. If you like mob movies – and are ready for something completely devoid of the type of sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS great – the coldness here works like a charm and you cannot help but be mesmerized by the dizzying high wire direction and the ambitious scope of this story. Mafia drama at its very finest.
Grade: A
I know it got good reviews, but I didn’t really get into the new Eminem CD. I did however – strangely enough – enjoy the PRISON BREAK soundtrack recently released – if you’re into the now defunct show – and I was – it’s a mini-masterpiece of tense music to break out of prisons to.
MOOLA (HBO)
An unwatchable mess about…money…or something? With the guy that plays Ethan on LOST and Daniel Baldwin – completely unwatchable. I watched for 40 minutes and had no idea what the fuck was going on.
Grade: F
UNDERDOG (HBO)
A much bigger mess – this time with Jim Belushi. I loved the cartoon – one of my all time favorites. This movie is one of the all time worst – live action and – I can’t even explain how very bad it is. With a score that rips off BATMAN (the Danny Elfman version) and a farting underdog who jokes mostly about his own farts – this is truly an abomination.
Grade: F -
DECEPTION (SHOWTIME) (SPOILER ALERT - I REVEAL THE ENDING)
Another fucking mess – although at least this one has its moments (mostly in the first half hour.) Hugh Jackman plays a conman with a plot too complex to recount and also - it ultimately makes no sense. However, the sex club scam idea is initialy ingenius - and it's the sole original idea in this otherwise god awful movie. The first half hour is sort of intriguing, though. Ewen McGregor also stars in this piece of shit. If you're planning on seeing it - let me save you the trouble. Ewen McGregor is the shy victim who can't get laid in the beginning - and Hugh Jackman plays a guy that only exists in bad movies who gets Ewen laid - than takes advantage of him for some weird reason involving money - then Ewen ultimately discovers that if he cuts his hair and gets a cool jacket - he'll look hot and can fuck anyone he wants.
I swear that's basically this movie.
Grade; D -
The new CAT STEVENS CD – YUSEF is the name he goes by now – is called ROADSLINGER and sounds a lot like old Cat Stevens. Highly recommended – much better than last year’s ANOTHER CUP.
MTV AWARDS (MTV)
The Ben Stiller Tribute was pretty funny. Hayden Pantiere was useless. Miley Cyrus did something or other. She's cute and all - but who told her she was hilariously funny? Why does all her stuff involve her being "hilarious?" She's really not. The Bruno gag with Eminem I guess was funny but scripted. That lovely version of DICK IN A BOX sounded a lot funnier in theory than it did on TV.
But – the real star of the evening was Andy Samberg – who I’m kind of growing to love. He’s the best host they’ve had in ages – did a hilarious parody called “Cool guys don’t look at explosions” and the whole show was far better in general than its been in years – and a huge part of that was Samberg. Check out COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS on YOUTUBE - while you're at it, check out Samberg's MOTHERLOVER unsencored as well on YOUTUBE - I'd link you to it but I simply don't know how.
Grade: B
DAY OF THE DEAD 2008 REMAKE (DVD)
I’m a huge fan of the original Romero DEAD trilogy – Night, Dawn and Day. More than a fan actually - more like a super fan. Day is probably the worst of the three but still pretty damn good. And it gets better with age. Coming off the amazing DAWN - DAY had a tough task and also - had its budget slashed by over half when Romero would not buckle and deliver an R rating (he preferred the unrated ultra gore version - so he had to scale back and deliver a sliver of his original script - a masterpiece by the way (you can read it on DREWS MEAT AND POTATOES site.
While DAY was the least of the three - comparing it to LAND OF THE DEAD OR DIARY OF THE DEAD is like comparing RETURN OF THE JEDI - the least of the original trilogy - to any one of the new, shitty films. Yes - all three new films - each shittier than the one before it.
In fact, most DEAD fans consider the news that Romero is now helming another one – the new Romero DEAD films are sort of like the new STAR WARS. That bad. That said – all of them seem like Shakespeare compared to this ill conceived and badly executed remake. Departing completely from the original story – this concerns – I don’t know – the army and a bunch of zombies. Mena Suveri is so bad in this – I thought I was watching a bad SNL sketch. She is...just so bad you can't believe it - it's as though - as good as she was in AMERICAN BEAUTY - it's like THAT CHARACTER became a bad actress and got this film. Every bit as bad (possibly even worse) is the generally useless Nick Cannon – who seems to have two expressions – and they both look stupid. Directed by Steve Minor – who is a bad horror movie director veteran (He helmed the original FRIDAY and the HALLOWEEN H20 remake) – this is about as bad as it gets. Even the zombie action is badly computer generated and the storylines and just about everything else in here was offensively awful.
Grade: F
MARLEY & ME (DVD)
I loved the book - one of my very favorites. The movie - not so much. Owen Wilson is perfect as dad - but the film itself goes out of its way to clean up the real life messiness of the book. Jennifer Aniston is nothing mnre than a shrew - and despite all this - the last half hour works like a charm.
Grade: C +
I know I'm going back a few weeks - but I simply love YA YA on KIMMEL LIVE! and the bit with the President's dog giving a ghetto handshake was really funny. And a few weeks ago both a skinnier Artie Lange(!) and a still chunky Danny McBride stopped by - both were killer.
SNL: JUST SHORTS (NBC)
Hilarious collection of the DIGITAL SHORTS that have become the shining spot on most SNL episodes – needless to say, Andy Samberg was front and center – hosting and presenting some of his own best work. The digital shorts have quite revitalized this entire franchise and as much as I was initially annoyed with the show seeming to shove Samberg down our throats – his talent won out – he’s a hilarious, awesomely creative dude and my hat is way off to him. Also here were some classics like Eddie Murphy’s brilliant “WHITE LIKE ME” and some other great stuff. Very sad that they showed just the beginning of SEINFELD IN OZ – which was one of my favorites but only got short thrift here.
Grade: A -
SNL: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE (NBC)
Justin was okay – but once again – the show came to life with a GREAT instant classic digital short called MOTHER LOVER. If you haven’t seen it – YOUTUBE it – it’s da bomb.
Episode: C –
MOTHER LOVER - A
SNL: LOST & FOUND IN THE 80s (DVD)
Lof of SNL stuff this week. Moving on, this happened to show up in my Netflix que and turned out be a sort of part 2 of SNL: THE FIRST FIVE YEARS. This one covers the 80s and there is another one that picks up the story in the 90s (which I have to see next.) I gotta say – I’m somebody who has always had a pretty reasonable fascination with SNL – it’s one of the few shows that is garunteed every few years to produce a gaggle of real stars and people that will be relevant in comedy for the next 10 years – and even during the bad episodes there is always something funny. Anyway – this is a GREAT document about the 80s – if a bit out of order (they never really reconcile the seasons, nor admit just how fucking bad Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. were – even though the great Lorne Michaels brought them in when he was asked to come back and run the show after a 4 year absence.) I’ve always been blown away by that one magnificent season that had Billy Crystal, Chris Guest and Martin Short – and then the very next season they all left. That was crazy – and a phenomical season it was. In recent years, Crystal has shown just no evidence at all of ever being funny – so if you doubt that it ever happened – like it was maybe a myth (he’s that showbiz-cringey character now) – check out how funny he was here. (And in SOAP for that matter.) Anyway – the show is very frank about things that went on – a lot about Eddie Murphy – a pumped up slightly deluded Joe Piscopo shows up to talk about his buddy “The Murph” (Yikes) and if you have any interest in this show – this is a must see. Also included on the disc is about another hour of well produced docu not seen on the original NBC telecast.
Grade: A
THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK (SHOWTIME)
Laughable 70s pic starring a mugging Al Pacino as a heroin addict – even more hilarious than it sounds, and a small warning about the monster ham Pacino would later become. Hoo ha!
Grade: C + (I love bad movies)
Wall-E (DVD)
The story kind of moves away from Wall-E towards the end – but overall – this is one of the best Pixar films I’ve ever seen. The first 20 minutes which plays as a silent film with Wall-E basically taking the Buster Keaton role – is truly a marvel. I loved this movie.
Grade: A
THE GOODE FAMILY (FOX)
Very bad. And not in a good way.
Cousin Sal from KIMMEL LIVE! Made his Howard Stern radio debut a few weeks ago with cousin Jimmy and they killed.
How funny is Norm McDonald? He's been killing in everything he's done lately - most recently LETTERMAN and a guest shot on SNL reprising his BURT REYNOLDS for JEAPARDY.
I kind of love all the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT videos - but JESUS is that show overproduced! My God - the segments come complete with their own soundtrack - a billion reaction shots from the two douche bags behind the stage, a segment finishing song – I mean, what the what????
They are remaking one of all time favorite horror films from the 80s – MOTHER’S DAY. Since it’s such a sick and twisted film – and probably the ONLY film to EVER come out of the TROMA TEAM that was actually a “serious” horror film – I can only imagine the damage they will inflict upon it. However – I wish I could see it tomorrow.
24 (FOX)
Some of these reviews are really late – what can I say? Read the really late ones as an after thought – but I have a DVR and I use it. Anyway – great season, loved the Almeda stuff – the Bill stuff – thought it kind of slowed down in the last batch of eps and didn’t love the stuff with his daughter and the risky operation that we know is no risk – but coming off season 6 – season 7 renewed the entire franchise, poked fun at itself in a way that did not wink to the audience, and I hope this show continues.
Season Grade: A –
PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Wow. It’s over. What a crazy, insane four year run Year one was almost like a normal series –year 2 dealt with the aftermath, year 3 was insanely stuck inside a prison that literally resembled the bowels of hell – and season 4 boasted one of their most ludicrous plots yet. Why did this show work so well? How do I count the ways…Wentworth as Michael Scofield was the awesome lead and moral compass, Linc his dumber brother – but who always smartened up when it counted – the great guests of seasons past (Gretchen, Kellerman) – there are no words for the brilliance of the T-Bag character, the sliminess of Michael Rappaport’s character – and frankly – William Fitcher routinely stole the show and became maybe the greatest character on there. Best of all – even though the season went a little bit off the rails at times – it wrapped things up in such a satisfying way that it will have forever secured its legacy in the pantheon of memorable action shows. This show was a little more memorable than most – and the 2 hour finale rocked the fucking house.
Overall Grade: A +
Spaulding Grey’s MONSTER IN A BOX (DVD)
A lot more overproduced and corny than I had remembered it.
Grade: C +
WEST SIDE STORY (CABLE)
I finally saw this for the first time – and all the great things I’d heard about it – they were mostly right. Although for pure spectacle – nothing beats the first 15 minutes.
Grade:B +
THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (NBC)
I don’t remember if I reviewed the last installment or not – but I do know that I loved it, loved Joan, loved the tension – and think that of all the celeb installments – this war between Joan and Annie was a remarkable high bench mark the series will probably never hit again.
AMERICAN IDOL FINALE (FOX)
This has been reviewed too much – but real quick – the Queen and Kiss stuff was great, Cyndi Lapuer’s TIME AFTER TIME with Allison was amazing – yeah, Lambert should’ve won by a mile – but if we are paying attention to tradition – he will go on to have a much bigger career than the likable but bland Kriss Alan. Probably better that Lambert didn’t win as he’ll have a bit more freedom to do his own thing. I think Adam will end up as one of the real Idol winners to go on and have a Kelly/Carrie type of career – he’s that goddamned great.
For what its worth – here’s my choice of best moments of the season:
Danny Gokey:
What Hurts The Most, Hero
Allison:
You can’t Make Me love you
Kris Allen:
She works hard for the money, Falling, Heartless
Matt:
Part Time Lover
Adam Lambert:
Tracks of my Tears, If I can’t Have you, Mad World, too many to count, actually – the fucker is great.
THE DIGITAL COUCH is going on vacation!
(not really – staying in my apartment – but have plans for the next few weeks.)
See you guys in August.
Courage.
AMERICA'S GOT TALENT! (NBC)
Wow - after the Susan Boyle thing blew up here in the states with her famous YOUTUBE clip - NBC must be absolutely convinced that this show is going to blow up here in the states.
I don't think so.
First of all - We like singing competitions - but I don't think we collectively like the oddball talent show quite as much. I like Piers Morgan, I like Sharon Osbourn - but who lit a fire under Hasslehoff's ass this year? He has really taken to being the "Simon" of the group - whereas everybody might love an act - Hasslehoff will say "Now wait a minute - I have a problem. This is for a million dollars - are people really...." and then he looks at the crowd and generally bows to whatever they tell him to do - in other words - he's no Simon.
Just a pathetic shchill who really - I mean - for God's sakes - this is truly the last man in the WORLD you need judging talent. His opinions are as ill fitting as his awesomely bad attire. A total moron - and thank God he's there because without him this would really be boring. But let's move on to the absolute MOST troubling new aspect of this show: Nick Fucking Cannon.
Trying to ape the British formula all the way down to the MC's cutaway reactions - now - in the middle of the acts and the critics - they keep cutting to Nick, who says retarded one-liners like "what am I supposed to do with that" or "Man, we got no talent!" I mean - he's about as bad a host as you can dig up. Truly awful and even more embarresssing than the Hoff - which is pretty embarressing.
I don't know who was on - I can't remember one act. I get it but - I'd simply prefer to wait for Idol than see dudes who juggle fire and Hoff playing to the crowd while they cut away to Nick Cannon doing a poor man's LAUGH IN. Why are we supposed to like Nick Cannon again?
Grade: D -
UPDATE: Blah. I checked out. Even worse.
KATHERINE HEIGEL
on Leterman, Kimmel, etc...
Appears to be a full-on overly entitled monster.
She must be stopped.
Blech.
SICKO (SHOWTIME)
If 1/3 of this is true - then we have the most shameful system of health care ever. It's depressing as Moore trots out professionals in the medical/insurance biz to admit that part of their job was to save money even if it meant people needlessly died. It's an important film and doesn't really offer much in the way of answers - just presents a very ugly problem.
Grade: B
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Watching the new eps - fucking great. I love this show. Sex, drugs, vampires, sex, gore, vampires - and most of all - really fresh storytelling - I fucking love this. HBO has a serious winner here.
Grade: A
UPDATE: Better than ever - I love this show. Even more than in my other review.
UPDATE: Better than above.
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke was on a yacht, B—ch! Yes, In one of the absolute rock bottom moments in reality television – or one of the best - depending upon how you look at such things - Brooke’s roommate – and I have to say – in one of the most insanely overly scripted produced and acted half hours in the “reality” biz history – so Brooke’s roommate takes some money from a shady Persian dude for an appearance from her and Brooke on his yacht.
Brooke warns her that it sounds shady but they need the money – so they go – and it quickly turns into a nightmare as these guys seem interested in some kind of rape scenario – gently suggested by VH1 by having one of the guys grab the roommate and smack her on the ass. Ok, enough is enough. At one point they even lock themselves in the room while the Persians are breaking down the door and saying cheesy scripted lines like “Don’t play hard to get!”
Then Brooke and the roommate – in a cliffhanger no less – escape at port to the Bahamas – with no money – what are the going to do, guys!!!!!
Ok – listen – in order to enjoy that you have suspend disbelief entirely. Most girls don’t get lured into a situation like that with a massive camera crew and set up shots. This played like a very bad ABC afterschool special – this show is so bad in fact – it’s maybe the best ever. I don’t know what to say but it’s reached a level of badness that you kind of have to watch.
Grade F/A
UPDATE: It's gotten to spectacular/bad to mostly bad/bad.
Too bad.
GOMORRAH (DVD)
A completely unsentimental journey into the real mafia in Italy with scary, documentary vibe. It's a modern epic crime and the nature of organized crime and loyalty based on a series of articles written in Italy. This is the anti-Sopranos – people get whacked and loyalty is not rewarded and nobody gives a moments hesitation to the carnage. It’s sort of too big and ambitious to really start reviewing every storyline - but it’s one of the best of the year. If you like mob movies – and are ready for something completely devoid of the type of sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS great – the coldness here works like a charm and you cannot help but be mesmerized by the dizzying high wire direction and the ambitious scope of this story. Mafia drama at its very finest.
Grade: A
I know it got good reviews, but I didn’t really get into the new Eminem CD. I did however – strangely enough – enjoy the PRISON BREAK soundtrack recently released – if you’re into the now defunct show – and I was – it’s a mini-masterpiece of tense music to break out of prisons to.
MOOLA (HBO)
An unwatchable mess about…money…or something? With the guy that plays Ethan on LOST and Daniel Baldwin – completely unwatchable. I watched for 40 minutes and had no idea what the fuck was going on.
Grade: F
UNDERDOG (HBO)
A much bigger mess – this time with Jim Belushi. I loved the cartoon – one of my all time favorites. This movie is one of the all time worst – live action and – I can’t even explain how very bad it is. With a score that rips off BATMAN (the Danny Elfman version) and a farting underdog who jokes mostly about his own farts – this is truly an abomination.
Grade: F -
DECEPTION (SHOWTIME) (SPOILER ALERT - I REVEAL THE ENDING)
Another fucking mess – although at least this one has its moments (mostly in the first half hour.) Hugh Jackman plays a conman with a plot too complex to recount and also - it ultimately makes no sense. However, the sex club scam idea is initialy ingenius - and it's the sole original idea in this otherwise god awful movie. The first half hour is sort of intriguing, though. Ewen McGregor also stars in this piece of shit. If you're planning on seeing it - let me save you the trouble. Ewen McGregor is the shy victim who can't get laid in the beginning - and Hugh Jackman plays a guy that only exists in bad movies who gets Ewen laid - than takes advantage of him for some weird reason involving money - then Ewen ultimately discovers that if he cuts his hair and gets a cool jacket - he'll look hot and can fuck anyone he wants.
I swear that's basically this movie.
Grade; D -
The new CAT STEVENS CD – YUSEF is the name he goes by now – is called ROADSLINGER and sounds a lot like old Cat Stevens. Highly recommended – much better than last year’s ANOTHER CUP.
MTV AWARDS (MTV)
The Ben Stiller Tribute was pretty funny. Hayden Pantiere was useless. Miley Cyrus did something or other. She's cute and all - but who told her she was hilariously funny? Why does all her stuff involve her being "hilarious?" She's really not. The Bruno gag with Eminem I guess was funny but scripted. That lovely version of DICK IN A BOX sounded a lot funnier in theory than it did on TV.
But – the real star of the evening was Andy Samberg – who I’m kind of growing to love. He’s the best host they’ve had in ages – did a hilarious parody called “Cool guys don’t look at explosions” and the whole show was far better in general than its been in years – and a huge part of that was Samberg. Check out COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS on YOUTUBE - while you're at it, check out Samberg's MOTHERLOVER unsencored as well on YOUTUBE - I'd link you to it but I simply don't know how.
Grade: B
DAY OF THE DEAD 2008 REMAKE (DVD)
I’m a huge fan of the original Romero DEAD trilogy – Night, Dawn and Day. More than a fan actually - more like a super fan. Day is probably the worst of the three but still pretty damn good. And it gets better with age. Coming off the amazing DAWN - DAY had a tough task and also - had its budget slashed by over half when Romero would not buckle and deliver an R rating (he preferred the unrated ultra gore version - so he had to scale back and deliver a sliver of his original script - a masterpiece by the way (you can read it on DREWS MEAT AND POTATOES site.
While DAY was the least of the three - comparing it to LAND OF THE DEAD OR DIARY OF THE DEAD is like comparing RETURN OF THE JEDI - the least of the original trilogy - to any one of the new, shitty films. Yes - all three new films - each shittier than the one before it.
In fact, most DEAD fans consider the news that Romero is now helming another one – the new Romero DEAD films are sort of like the new STAR WARS. That bad. That said – all of them seem like Shakespeare compared to this ill conceived and badly executed remake. Departing completely from the original story – this concerns – I don’t know – the army and a bunch of zombies. Mena Suveri is so bad in this – I thought I was watching a bad SNL sketch. She is...just so bad you can't believe it - it's as though - as good as she was in AMERICAN BEAUTY - it's like THAT CHARACTER became a bad actress and got this film. Every bit as bad (possibly even worse) is the generally useless Nick Cannon – who seems to have two expressions – and they both look stupid. Directed by Steve Minor – who is a bad horror movie director veteran (He helmed the original FRIDAY and the HALLOWEEN H20 remake) – this is about as bad as it gets. Even the zombie action is badly computer generated and the storylines and just about everything else in here was offensively awful.
Grade: F
MARLEY & ME (DVD)
I loved the book - one of my very favorites. The movie - not so much. Owen Wilson is perfect as dad - but the film itself goes out of its way to clean up the real life messiness of the book. Jennifer Aniston is nothing mnre than a shrew - and despite all this - the last half hour works like a charm.
Grade: C +
I know I'm going back a few weeks - but I simply love YA YA on KIMMEL LIVE! and the bit with the President's dog giving a ghetto handshake was really funny. And a few weeks ago both a skinnier Artie Lange(!) and a still chunky Danny McBride stopped by - both were killer.
SNL: JUST SHORTS (NBC)
Hilarious collection of the DIGITAL SHORTS that have become the shining spot on most SNL episodes – needless to say, Andy Samberg was front and center – hosting and presenting some of his own best work. The digital shorts have quite revitalized this entire franchise and as much as I was initially annoyed with the show seeming to shove Samberg down our throats – his talent won out – he’s a hilarious, awesomely creative dude and my hat is way off to him. Also here were some classics like Eddie Murphy’s brilliant “WHITE LIKE ME” and some other great stuff. Very sad that they showed just the beginning of SEINFELD IN OZ – which was one of my favorites but only got short thrift here.
Grade: A -
SNL: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE (NBC)
Justin was okay – but once again – the show came to life with a GREAT instant classic digital short called MOTHER LOVER. If you haven’t seen it – YOUTUBE it – it’s da bomb.
Episode: C –
MOTHER LOVER - A
SNL: LOST & FOUND IN THE 80s (DVD)
Lof of SNL stuff this week. Moving on, this happened to show up in my Netflix que and turned out be a sort of part 2 of SNL: THE FIRST FIVE YEARS. This one covers the 80s and there is another one that picks up the story in the 90s (which I have to see next.) I gotta say – I’m somebody who has always had a pretty reasonable fascination with SNL – it’s one of the few shows that is garunteed every few years to produce a gaggle of real stars and people that will be relevant in comedy for the next 10 years – and even during the bad episodes there is always something funny. Anyway – this is a GREAT document about the 80s – if a bit out of order (they never really reconcile the seasons, nor admit just how fucking bad Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. were – even though the great Lorne Michaels brought them in when he was asked to come back and run the show after a 4 year absence.) I’ve always been blown away by that one magnificent season that had Billy Crystal, Chris Guest and Martin Short – and then the very next season they all left. That was crazy – and a phenomical season it was. In recent years, Crystal has shown just no evidence at all of ever being funny – so if you doubt that it ever happened – like it was maybe a myth (he’s that showbiz-cringey character now) – check out how funny he was here. (And in SOAP for that matter.) Anyway – the show is very frank about things that went on – a lot about Eddie Murphy – a pumped up slightly deluded Joe Piscopo shows up to talk about his buddy “The Murph” (Yikes) and if you have any interest in this show – this is a must see. Also included on the disc is about another hour of well produced docu not seen on the original NBC telecast.
Grade: A
THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK (SHOWTIME)
Laughable 70s pic starring a mugging Al Pacino as a heroin addict – even more hilarious than it sounds, and a small warning about the monster ham Pacino would later become. Hoo ha!
Grade: C + (I love bad movies)
Wall-E (DVD)
The story kind of moves away from Wall-E towards the end – but overall – this is one of the best Pixar films I’ve ever seen. The first 20 minutes which plays as a silent film with Wall-E basically taking the Buster Keaton role – is truly a marvel. I loved this movie.
Grade: A
THE GOODE FAMILY (FOX)
Very bad. And not in a good way.
Cousin Sal from KIMMEL LIVE! Made his Howard Stern radio debut a few weeks ago with cousin Jimmy and they killed.
How funny is Norm McDonald? He's been killing in everything he's done lately - most recently LETTERMAN and a guest shot on SNL reprising his BURT REYNOLDS for JEAPARDY.
I kind of love all the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT videos - but JESUS is that show overproduced! My God - the segments come complete with their own soundtrack - a billion reaction shots from the two douche bags behind the stage, a segment finishing song – I mean, what the what????
They are remaking one of all time favorite horror films from the 80s – MOTHER’S DAY. Since it’s such a sick and twisted film – and probably the ONLY film to EVER come out of the TROMA TEAM that was actually a “serious” horror film – I can only imagine the damage they will inflict upon it. However – I wish I could see it tomorrow.
24 (FOX)
Some of these reviews are really late – what can I say? Read the really late ones as an after thought – but I have a DVR and I use it. Anyway – great season, loved the Almeda stuff – the Bill stuff – thought it kind of slowed down in the last batch of eps and didn’t love the stuff with his daughter and the risky operation that we know is no risk – but coming off season 6 – season 7 renewed the entire franchise, poked fun at itself in a way that did not wink to the audience, and I hope this show continues.
Season Grade: A –
PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Wow. It’s over. What a crazy, insane four year run Year one was almost like a normal series –year 2 dealt with the aftermath, year 3 was insanely stuck inside a prison that literally resembled the bowels of hell – and season 4 boasted one of their most ludicrous plots yet. Why did this show work so well? How do I count the ways…Wentworth as Michael Scofield was the awesome lead and moral compass, Linc his dumber brother – but who always smartened up when it counted – the great guests of seasons past (Gretchen, Kellerman) – there are no words for the brilliance of the T-Bag character, the sliminess of Michael Rappaport’s character – and frankly – William Fitcher routinely stole the show and became maybe the greatest character on there. Best of all – even though the season went a little bit off the rails at times – it wrapped things up in such a satisfying way that it will have forever secured its legacy in the pantheon of memorable action shows. This show was a little more memorable than most – and the 2 hour finale rocked the fucking house.
Overall Grade: A +
Spaulding Grey’s MONSTER IN A BOX (DVD)
A lot more overproduced and corny than I had remembered it.
Grade: C +
WEST SIDE STORY (CABLE)
I finally saw this for the first time – and all the great things I’d heard about it – they were mostly right. Although for pure spectacle – nothing beats the first 15 minutes.
Grade:B +
THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (NBC)
I don’t remember if I reviewed the last installment or not – but I do know that I loved it, loved Joan, loved the tension – and think that of all the celeb installments – this war between Joan and Annie was a remarkable high bench mark the series will probably never hit again.
AMERICAN IDOL FINALE (FOX)
This has been reviewed too much – but real quick – the Queen and Kiss stuff was great, Cyndi Lapuer’s TIME AFTER TIME with Allison was amazing – yeah, Lambert should’ve won by a mile – but if we are paying attention to tradition – he will go on to have a much bigger career than the likable but bland Kriss Alan. Probably better that Lambert didn’t win as he’ll have a bit more freedom to do his own thing. I think Adam will end up as one of the real Idol winners to go on and have a Kelly/Carrie type of career – he’s that goddamned great.
For what its worth – here’s my choice of best moments of the season:
Danny Gokey:
What Hurts The Most, Hero
Allison:
You can’t Make Me love you
Kris Allen:
She works hard for the money, Falling, Heartless
Matt:
Part Time Lover
Adam Lambert:
Tracks of my Tears, If I can’t Have you, Mad World, too many to count, actually – the fucker is great.
THE DIGITAL COUCH is going on vacation!
(not really – staying in my apartment – but have plans for the next few weeks.)
See you guys in August.
Courage.
2009/06/20
YOGURTLAND RULES.
CELEBRITY PASSWORD (NBC)
I caught some of Jamie Kennedy and Norm McDonald’s episode. Norm was great and smart – getting most of the answers and giving great clues. Kennedy completely fell apart and told a story about how he recently hurt his leg on the street and people wouldn’t help him because they all thought hidden cameras were around and that it was a goof. Okay – there are many things wrong with this story: that show was I THINK in the mid-90s – and while it was one of the better hidden cam shows – it’s at least been ten years. Jamie Kennedy – I don’t know what’s wrong with you – but you are annoying, sir. And you are a big fat LIAR! Now – Norm McDonald seems funnier than ever and more comfortable in his skin these days based on his apparent new ease with performing. He’s killed on a host of talk shows recently and I’m a huge fan. Regis, as always, makes a fine host.
Grade: B -
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke knows nothing. Her show sucks. The only thing we’re really interested in is the juicy shit going on in the Hogan’s lives – not these insanely scripted and laugh-track contrived plotlines they follow. The episode that featured Brooke on a….EEEKKKK!! a lesbian date!!!! "Oh my God, guys!!!!" That ep proved to be both retarded, insulting and unbelievably homophobic at the same time. Although Brooke learned at the end that some people ARE GAY and THAT’S OKAY. This was like a really bad episode of a government funded program from the mid 70s. Fucking bad.
Grade: F -
SHOWBIZ TONITE (CNN)
Not sure if I got the channel right – but since this was on a news channel – I incorrectly assumed it would have some more legitimacy than Entertainment Tonight – boy, was I off. It makes TMZ seem like NIGHTLINE. The episode I watched devoted a full half hour to their biggest breaking story in months – Jennifer Aniston went on some show and joked about her love life, comparing her love life to her movie titles! And they thought this was coragious, hilarious, endearing, surprising, shocking – they organized an entire panel of experts to discuss the routine, Jen’s life – her gift for satire and comedy – then they went beyond the panel to "experts" to really try and figure out what this routine meant in the bigger picture (nothing.) Although the panal was completely knocked on their asses by this crazy Hollywood development. I repeat - the story was Anniston joked about her love life. They treated this like the story of the decade. Okay, never mind that Anniston is generaly annoying, has a terrible love life because she will only date big time celebs - that is her perogative. Showbiz tonight devoted 3 episodes to this story. And why shouldn't they. SHOWBIZ TONIGHT! is the worst – but in its own insane way – maybe it’s also the best?
Grade: A/F
I'M A CELEBRITY - GET ME OUT OF HERE! (ABC)Spenser Pratt - mean spirited, weird, confrontational – and compellingly good television. He really is the guy you love to hate – though I suspect while he might not have a clue to this – I don’t think the young man has any self-awareness to sit back and appreciate any of this – I think rather he’s found a way to capitalize on who he is – but I don’t think there is a “real” Spenser – I think he’s created this strange persona for himself and that’s just the life he lives. And while you can’t help but hate him as you watch him – and not just for his meanness. For his bad jokes. For his idiotic remarks. For his insane arrogance. Sheer stupidity. For asking Jesus for a double date with Miley Cyrus and then being arrogant about his connection to God when he got it. Yet – the boy is entertaining – I give him that. Much more so than his wife, who's a real bore. Torrie Wilson isn’t very interesting – Jon Solley seems like a nice guy. The two funny girls from BEST WEEK EVER look like they’re about to have a heart attack between every commercial break. Lou Diamond Phillips is WAY too happy to be there. He’s taking this as seriously as a heart attack. The Baldwin brothers are pretty goofy. Daniel is out of his mind. Lastly – after Speidi left for good – the show settled comfortably into what most reality shows often become – a plea for all the world to get Janice Dickkinson into rehab fast – the woman is so far out of her mind I don’t believe she can ever make it back. Somehow I find her more offensive and vulgar than Spenser Pratt – maybe because unlike those clueless kids – she’s a knowing fame whore who says things like “I dated RAMBO, okay – and he’s no Rambo.” (She has to remind everyone she dated Stallone (who called her evil) for a month in the mid 90s. She’s clearly on drugs and/or out her mind from drugs – and she’s a racist and she’s just so horrible – yet again – without her – who would we care to watch on this show. One last note – I like Sanjaya – I think he’s the most unpretentious kid there – and he rocks a Mohawk better than anyone since Mr. T. And he's sweet. If anyone wins – I hope its him.
Grade: B –
Oh, by the way – those two people who host the show – complete tools. He’s a disturbing clone of a puffy Leo DiCaprio – and a complete tool. And she’s an idiot and their banter goes over like a lead balloon. And with every episode - they get more confident and more annoying to watch.
UPDATE: I’ve watched a few – I'm bailing. It takes FOREVER to vote someone out – there are far too many episodes, I fucking HATE Janice – I think she’s a retarded junkie and I’m not kidding about the junkie part. And I don’t actually think she’s retarded – I think she’s just plain fucked up and mean. I love Lou Diamond – I love Sanjaya – I really like Heidi’s sister who’s on the show now. The biggest surprise is how much I like Patty Govoyivich, the wife of the disgraced politician. I don’t know if he’s innocent or guilty – it seems like he is but she is really is his best advocate – talking passionately about him and his innocence and also seeming like one of the realest down to earth good people connected to politics. There is nothing fake about Patty and she is a much better mouth piece for them then her wild eyed husband. The two hosts might be the two most irritating people alive – and the biggest reason for my bailout is probably the casual animal torture disguised as “competitions.” Believe it or not – when these creatures are born, I don’t think they were intended for their life to be a laughing stock to see if Daniel Baldwin can eat it alive. I don’t like animal torture or cruelty and this show traffics way too much in it – so – I’m out of here!
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
Jimmy had this unbelievable clip of Janice on some foreign model type realiy show – it’s so great – she screams at the models in some nonsensical rant, then immediately falls down a spiral staircase and begs for help – Jimmy remarked that if you’re going to fall down a staircase in a place you don’t speak the language – probably best not to ream everybody out 3 minutes beforehand.
Speaking of Kimmel – he recently had on Heather Graham. I always liked Heather as an actress and loved her turn as ROLLERGIRL in BOOGIE NIGHTS. Now that I got to see her interviewed, I can’t stand Heather Graham. She is beautiful – but also quite insane – bragging how her astrology books got her a boyfriend who cooks and has good sex with her. (I wonder what...forget it.) Anyway – she then proceeded to explain her role in THE HANGOVER. Wait a minute – not explain it – but SPOIL THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I haven’t seen it yet – but THE HANGOVER’S gimmick I presume is that the boys go out for a wild night in Vegas, then wake up and all these insane things have happened and they have to figure out the what and why. But don't worry, Heather fills us in on the mystery pretty quickly. I don’t think she understood how the movie unfolded, as she basically explained who she was in the film and why all the things happened – basically exposing every plot twist in the movie. Thanks, Rollergirl. Who knew Heather Graham was so whacky? She's like a heartbeat away from mid-90s (fill in the name of your own favorite insane celeb here.)
NURSE JACKIE (SHOWTIME)
Both my mom and grandmother were nurses – so I know first hand that a lot of this is wishful thinking (Nurse Jackie would never be allowed to talk to the doctors the way she does – she wouldn’t be able to do a LOT of the things she does in a real hospital.) All that aside, this is a terrific show with a superb performance by Edie Falco – not crazy about the fact that they put the priest from SOPRANOS as Falco’s hospital romance – it reeks of stale thinking – but this is a very solid and fun show that makes a compelling half hour with both humor and pathos with one of the best actresses working today at the helm. Also good are the new nurse that Falco works with – thought I’m not quite into the Unit Supervisor – (the one that took the drugs by accident.) Last week after a man died and she coldly came into the room and said “he’s dead – you need to give us the room” – that would never happen in a hospital and it really stretched credibility here. And I don’t quite get Falco’s marriage either – it seems to lack…something. But what works here works so well that I’m quite happy to stick with this show as I’m sure it will only get better with age, Like Falco.
Grade: B +
THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE (In Theaters)
This is one of Steven Soderburgh’s small movies – and probably his best one yet. Sasha Gray – a real life 21 year old porn star (I’ve heard) plays the lead in this – a seemingly cold and beautiful prostitute with an astonishingly upscale client base who support her high-style apartment and generally expensive way of life. Her boyfriend, who she lives with, is a trainer with good clients but constantly trying to find ways to make more money. In the background of this is contant talk about the current state of the economy – as if it were shot a few weeks ago. This is a talky movie – and for all the prostitution – there’s not one real sex scene to be found – mostly talk. And it works really well as both a look into the lives of this prostitute and her relationships, and as metaphor for the sinking economy – as everyone in this starts to sink in their own way – and when it gets right down to it – what is left to sell? Sasha Gray, who has only done porn and returned to porn immediately after this film is astonishingly good as the icy hooker with the live in boyfriend. And although nothing much happens in the way of plot or action, there is movement and through the talk the film continues to gauge our interest and curiosity until the very last frame. This tepidly paced film somehow works really well.
Grade: A
DAISY OF LOVE (VH1)Okay, Daisy seems to be a bit of an idiot who can’t sing – and I tuned out after episode one because somewhere along the line, Daisy started to believe her one liners are just hilarious and I found her insanely irritating. Then a friend of mine who I’ll call “NYC” told me to give the show a second chance – so I did. And I’m glad I did, because as the show goes along – what we did not expect out of Daisy is that she’s kind of a total sweetheart really looking for love – a rarity in this genre – and I like her a lot. And I like some of the guys (12 pack and Chi Chi are standouts) and this is a very well produced hour. Also- MVP on the show goes to Richi Rachman (is that how you spell it) – I love how he really looks out for Daisy and does not appear to be trying to hit on her. He seems like he genuinely cares and there is a depth to this that does not appear in the male version of this show. With Flava and Brett – it seems like they just want to get laid. I think Daisy is looking for love – albeit in all the wrong places.
Grade: B
Rock/Flavor of love CHARM SCHOOL (VH1)
Okay, you would think that the inclusion of Rikki Lake as headmistress would be a great decision since she did so well for years with her own rip off of Jerry Springer’s show. Not so much – she comes off as a bit of gas bag and a phony – Sharon Osbourn was probably the best they ever did in this genre – but I like the girls, the show is slick and well produced and mixing the ROCK OF LOVE GIRLS (aka – the WHITE girls) with the FLAVOR girls (aka – the HOOD girls) proved to be a great move and the show got a lot of mileage out of that combination. This is no HILL STREET BLUES, but as far as these shows go – it’s a pretty good edition.
Grade: B –
GREEN DAY “21st Century Breakdown”Another winner from Green Day – though not quite as crisp as the earlier more inspired AMERICAN IDIOT. Here is another concept album that tries to go one better but ends up being a worthy sequel if not much more. There are about 4 or 5 winners here – and some really shitty stuff to balance it out. There’s one song I could swear is a complete rip off of a song from the GREAT Julian Lennon CD DAY AFTER DAY – but who would know what I’m even talking about? The songs that work here are the ballads – frankly, the punk thing doesn’t quite play for these guys anymore. I think they got too old. What they’re best at now is probably the music they used to hate.
STANDOUTS:
Last Night On Earth (track 7) Last of American Girls (track 10) Restless Heart Syndrome & 21 Guns (tracks 13 & 16)
Grade: B -
RESCUE ME (FX)
Rescue Me has officially shrugged off last years sort of stuck in a rut storytelling and has returned with what might be the best season ever. If you’re not already watching this – you’re probably not going to start – but this show, in its fifth season, is on fire.
Grade: A
BEST WEEK EVER (VH1)
Is still great - Paul F. Thomkins is hilarious. Just thought I'd remind you.
And yes, Yogurtland rules - I said it, and I mean it.
Peace!
I caught some of Jamie Kennedy and Norm McDonald’s episode. Norm was great and smart – getting most of the answers and giving great clues. Kennedy completely fell apart and told a story about how he recently hurt his leg on the street and people wouldn’t help him because they all thought hidden cameras were around and that it was a goof. Okay – there are many things wrong with this story: that show was I THINK in the mid-90s – and while it was one of the better hidden cam shows – it’s at least been ten years. Jamie Kennedy – I don’t know what’s wrong with you – but you are annoying, sir. And you are a big fat LIAR! Now – Norm McDonald seems funnier than ever and more comfortable in his skin these days based on his apparent new ease with performing. He’s killed on a host of talk shows recently and I’m a huge fan. Regis, as always, makes a fine host.
Grade: B -
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke knows nothing. Her show sucks. The only thing we’re really interested in is the juicy shit going on in the Hogan’s lives – not these insanely scripted and laugh-track contrived plotlines they follow. The episode that featured Brooke on a….EEEKKKK!! a lesbian date!!!! "Oh my God, guys!!!!" That ep proved to be both retarded, insulting and unbelievably homophobic at the same time. Although Brooke learned at the end that some people ARE GAY and THAT’S OKAY. This was like a really bad episode of a government funded program from the mid 70s. Fucking bad.
Grade: F -
SHOWBIZ TONITE (CNN)
Not sure if I got the channel right – but since this was on a news channel – I incorrectly assumed it would have some more legitimacy than Entertainment Tonight – boy, was I off. It makes TMZ seem like NIGHTLINE. The episode I watched devoted a full half hour to their biggest breaking story in months – Jennifer Aniston went on some show and joked about her love life, comparing her love life to her movie titles! And they thought this was coragious, hilarious, endearing, surprising, shocking – they organized an entire panel of experts to discuss the routine, Jen’s life – her gift for satire and comedy – then they went beyond the panel to "experts" to really try and figure out what this routine meant in the bigger picture (nothing.) Although the panal was completely knocked on their asses by this crazy Hollywood development. I repeat - the story was Anniston joked about her love life. They treated this like the story of the decade. Okay, never mind that Anniston is generaly annoying, has a terrible love life because she will only date big time celebs - that is her perogative. Showbiz tonight devoted 3 episodes to this story. And why shouldn't they. SHOWBIZ TONIGHT! is the worst – but in its own insane way – maybe it’s also the best?
Grade: A/F
I'M A CELEBRITY - GET ME OUT OF HERE! (ABC)Spenser Pratt - mean spirited, weird, confrontational – and compellingly good television. He really is the guy you love to hate – though I suspect while he might not have a clue to this – I don’t think the young man has any self-awareness to sit back and appreciate any of this – I think rather he’s found a way to capitalize on who he is – but I don’t think there is a “real” Spenser – I think he’s created this strange persona for himself and that’s just the life he lives. And while you can’t help but hate him as you watch him – and not just for his meanness. For his bad jokes. For his idiotic remarks. For his insane arrogance. Sheer stupidity. For asking Jesus for a double date with Miley Cyrus and then being arrogant about his connection to God when he got it. Yet – the boy is entertaining – I give him that. Much more so than his wife, who's a real bore. Torrie Wilson isn’t very interesting – Jon Solley seems like a nice guy. The two funny girls from BEST WEEK EVER look like they’re about to have a heart attack between every commercial break. Lou Diamond Phillips is WAY too happy to be there. He’s taking this as seriously as a heart attack. The Baldwin brothers are pretty goofy. Daniel is out of his mind. Lastly – after Speidi left for good – the show settled comfortably into what most reality shows often become – a plea for all the world to get Janice Dickkinson into rehab fast – the woman is so far out of her mind I don’t believe she can ever make it back. Somehow I find her more offensive and vulgar than Spenser Pratt – maybe because unlike those clueless kids – she’s a knowing fame whore who says things like “I dated RAMBO, okay – and he’s no Rambo.” (She has to remind everyone she dated Stallone (who called her evil) for a month in the mid 90s. She’s clearly on drugs and/or out her mind from drugs – and she’s a racist and she’s just so horrible – yet again – without her – who would we care to watch on this show. One last note – I like Sanjaya – I think he’s the most unpretentious kid there – and he rocks a Mohawk better than anyone since Mr. T. And he's sweet. If anyone wins – I hope its him.
Grade: B –
Oh, by the way – those two people who host the show – complete tools. He’s a disturbing clone of a puffy Leo DiCaprio – and a complete tool. And she’s an idiot and their banter goes over like a lead balloon. And with every episode - they get more confident and more annoying to watch.
UPDATE: I’ve watched a few – I'm bailing. It takes FOREVER to vote someone out – there are far too many episodes, I fucking HATE Janice – I think she’s a retarded junkie and I’m not kidding about the junkie part. And I don’t actually think she’s retarded – I think she’s just plain fucked up and mean. I love Lou Diamond – I love Sanjaya – I really like Heidi’s sister who’s on the show now. The biggest surprise is how much I like Patty Govoyivich, the wife of the disgraced politician. I don’t know if he’s innocent or guilty – it seems like he is but she is really is his best advocate – talking passionately about him and his innocence and also seeming like one of the realest down to earth good people connected to politics. There is nothing fake about Patty and she is a much better mouth piece for them then her wild eyed husband. The two hosts might be the two most irritating people alive – and the biggest reason for my bailout is probably the casual animal torture disguised as “competitions.” Believe it or not – when these creatures are born, I don’t think they were intended for their life to be a laughing stock to see if Daniel Baldwin can eat it alive. I don’t like animal torture or cruelty and this show traffics way too much in it – so – I’m out of here!
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
Jimmy had this unbelievable clip of Janice on some foreign model type realiy show – it’s so great – she screams at the models in some nonsensical rant, then immediately falls down a spiral staircase and begs for help – Jimmy remarked that if you’re going to fall down a staircase in a place you don’t speak the language – probably best not to ream everybody out 3 minutes beforehand.
Speaking of Kimmel – he recently had on Heather Graham. I always liked Heather as an actress and loved her turn as ROLLERGIRL in BOOGIE NIGHTS. Now that I got to see her interviewed, I can’t stand Heather Graham. She is beautiful – but also quite insane – bragging how her astrology books got her a boyfriend who cooks and has good sex with her. (I wonder what...forget it.) Anyway – she then proceeded to explain her role in THE HANGOVER. Wait a minute – not explain it – but SPOIL THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I haven’t seen it yet – but THE HANGOVER’S gimmick I presume is that the boys go out for a wild night in Vegas, then wake up and all these insane things have happened and they have to figure out the what and why. But don't worry, Heather fills us in on the mystery pretty quickly. I don’t think she understood how the movie unfolded, as she basically explained who she was in the film and why all the things happened – basically exposing every plot twist in the movie. Thanks, Rollergirl. Who knew Heather Graham was so whacky? She's like a heartbeat away from mid-90s (fill in the name of your own favorite insane celeb here.)
NURSE JACKIE (SHOWTIME)
Both my mom and grandmother were nurses – so I know first hand that a lot of this is wishful thinking (Nurse Jackie would never be allowed to talk to the doctors the way she does – she wouldn’t be able to do a LOT of the things she does in a real hospital.) All that aside, this is a terrific show with a superb performance by Edie Falco – not crazy about the fact that they put the priest from SOPRANOS as Falco’s hospital romance – it reeks of stale thinking – but this is a very solid and fun show that makes a compelling half hour with both humor and pathos with one of the best actresses working today at the helm. Also good are the new nurse that Falco works with – thought I’m not quite into the Unit Supervisor – (the one that took the drugs by accident.) Last week after a man died and she coldly came into the room and said “he’s dead – you need to give us the room” – that would never happen in a hospital and it really stretched credibility here. And I don’t quite get Falco’s marriage either – it seems to lack…something. But what works here works so well that I’m quite happy to stick with this show as I’m sure it will only get better with age, Like Falco.
Grade: B +
THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE (In Theaters)
This is one of Steven Soderburgh’s small movies – and probably his best one yet. Sasha Gray – a real life 21 year old porn star (I’ve heard) plays the lead in this – a seemingly cold and beautiful prostitute with an astonishingly upscale client base who support her high-style apartment and generally expensive way of life. Her boyfriend, who she lives with, is a trainer with good clients but constantly trying to find ways to make more money. In the background of this is contant talk about the current state of the economy – as if it were shot a few weeks ago. This is a talky movie – and for all the prostitution – there’s not one real sex scene to be found – mostly talk. And it works really well as both a look into the lives of this prostitute and her relationships, and as metaphor for the sinking economy – as everyone in this starts to sink in their own way – and when it gets right down to it – what is left to sell? Sasha Gray, who has only done porn and returned to porn immediately after this film is astonishingly good as the icy hooker with the live in boyfriend. And although nothing much happens in the way of plot or action, there is movement and through the talk the film continues to gauge our interest and curiosity until the very last frame. This tepidly paced film somehow works really well.
Grade: A
DAISY OF LOVE (VH1)Okay, Daisy seems to be a bit of an idiot who can’t sing – and I tuned out after episode one because somewhere along the line, Daisy started to believe her one liners are just hilarious and I found her insanely irritating. Then a friend of mine who I’ll call “NYC” told me to give the show a second chance – so I did. And I’m glad I did, because as the show goes along – what we did not expect out of Daisy is that she’s kind of a total sweetheart really looking for love – a rarity in this genre – and I like her a lot. And I like some of the guys (12 pack and Chi Chi are standouts) and this is a very well produced hour. Also- MVP on the show goes to Richi Rachman (is that how you spell it) – I love how he really looks out for Daisy and does not appear to be trying to hit on her. He seems like he genuinely cares and there is a depth to this that does not appear in the male version of this show. With Flava and Brett – it seems like they just want to get laid. I think Daisy is looking for love – albeit in all the wrong places.
Grade: B
Rock/Flavor of love CHARM SCHOOL (VH1)
Okay, you would think that the inclusion of Rikki Lake as headmistress would be a great decision since she did so well for years with her own rip off of Jerry Springer’s show. Not so much – she comes off as a bit of gas bag and a phony – Sharon Osbourn was probably the best they ever did in this genre – but I like the girls, the show is slick and well produced and mixing the ROCK OF LOVE GIRLS (aka – the WHITE girls) with the FLAVOR girls (aka – the HOOD girls) proved to be a great move and the show got a lot of mileage out of that combination. This is no HILL STREET BLUES, but as far as these shows go – it’s a pretty good edition.
Grade: B –
GREEN DAY “21st Century Breakdown”Another winner from Green Day – though not quite as crisp as the earlier more inspired AMERICAN IDIOT. Here is another concept album that tries to go one better but ends up being a worthy sequel if not much more. There are about 4 or 5 winners here – and some really shitty stuff to balance it out. There’s one song I could swear is a complete rip off of a song from the GREAT Julian Lennon CD DAY AFTER DAY – but who would know what I’m even talking about? The songs that work here are the ballads – frankly, the punk thing doesn’t quite play for these guys anymore. I think they got too old. What they’re best at now is probably the music they used to hate.
STANDOUTS:
Last Night On Earth (track 7) Last of American Girls (track 10) Restless Heart Syndrome & 21 Guns (tracks 13 & 16)
Grade: B -
RESCUE ME (FX)
Rescue Me has officially shrugged off last years sort of stuck in a rut storytelling and has returned with what might be the best season ever. If you’re not already watching this – you’re probably not going to start – but this show, in its fifth season, is on fire.
Grade: A
BEST WEEK EVER (VH1)
Is still great - Paul F. Thomkins is hilarious. Just thought I'd remind you.
And yes, Yogurtland rules - I said it, and I mean it.
Peace!
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