The World Could've Been Yours, Michael Richards

SCARFACE (DVD)
Just watched this for the first time in about 20 years (I'm old.) What a great, ridiculous, brutal, preposterous movie! And it works exceedingly well despite, or because of, the insane amounts of excess. Pacino never flinches from his Cuban tough guy persona, Steven Baeur shined briefly here in his underdevelop role, and Mary Elizabeth Mastrioanni wears a crazy long 'fro that has to be seen to be believed. Michelle Pfeiffer is here as well - perfect in her role as the wife of the highest bidding drug lord. The film remains all surface, never really delving into any of these people, but there are scenes that have the ring of truth to them throughout. I loved the scene where Tony goes home for the first time in 5 years and throws a crumpled thousand dollar bill on the table to show what a great man he's become. The mother coming down on him has to be a humiliating moment in the movies that's hard to shake. Though I think, even though there are GREAT scenes of violence and action here - the best scene in the movie - the real doozy - is a coked-out Tony biting the heads off his wife "my wife is a junkie with a polluted womb" and his buddy in the restaurant, then turning to the whole crowd and saying "What the fuck are you looking at you fucking assholes? You never seen a bad guy like this. Say goodnight to the bad guy." What a great scene. I think Oliver Stone the screenwriter kind of shot himself in the foot by having Tony want to fuck both his wife and his sister. That's why Michelle goes away without a real resolve to their story, and the sister takes the stage in the final act. And in general, I think the one component this really missed out on was emotion. Every scene is sort of a classic gangster/American dream beat - but there's a certain individuality to Scarface that I think could've been capitalized on more. Had they figured out a way to integrate both the wife and the sister into the last act, it could've been more epic, but either way - this is some kind of twisted masterpiece.
The extras are really good, from about 5 featurettes on the making of - to a revealing half hour of deleted scenes, to a hilarious reel of the changes the movie made from film to tv.
Grade: A +

DRAWN TOGETHER (COM)
Has anyone else noticed that this has become the raunchiest, funniest cartoon on the block? Just watched a bunch of them and found the general quality to be really good to brilliant.
Grade: A -

BREAKING BONADUCE (VH1)
I love this show - and Danny seems just as insane as ever. Don't expect this little moment of happiness between Danny & his wife to stay that way. People like Danny crave the drama (and so does vh1) so believe me, a calm environment is not what keeps his interest - it's conflict and chaos - that's what he thrives on. For the record, I think Gretchen should just divorce him, but I'm sure she likes being on TV, too.
Grade: A


THE LAKE HOUSE (DVD)
Slow moving but really cool movie about romance and time travel. No spoilers here, but Sandra Bullock does her best acting work since SPEED (not counting her good work in CRASH - but she was barely in it) - and Keanue is (dare I say) the thinking man's romantic.
Grade: B


EBERT & ROEPER (SYND)
Roger Ebert's recovering from a stroke, so the show has been trotting out different people to sit in with Roeper. Here are their grades:
AISHA TYLER - probably the most idiotic cement headed critic ever to be on a tv show. She's such a fucking knucklehead. A true idiot. She uses words that sound right but don't exist. She has a ridiculous wink she keeps working, and I can't believe I'm devoting this much space to her.
Grade: F

ZORIANNA KITT (from TV GUIDE "movies" - whatever that meant.) Almost dumber then Aisha - a complete moron and insanely embarrassing moment for this tv show.
Grade: F +

Fred Willard - Great. Funny, if not completely insightful.
Grade: B

Kevin Smith - Another great guest critic and true fan of movies - though I'm not a huge fan of his. But I've always found his persona really engaging. And his take on movies is pretty on the money.
Grade: B +

Harold Ramis - The GHOSTBUSTERS director and former SCTV frontman did a great job reviewing the movies. Full of insight, humor and warmth - a great guest critic.
A -

A.O. Scott - from the Chicago Times (Or New York?) - he's the best. A real critic and good foil for Roeper. A true critic with solid opinions, and who I think should be the permanent guest till Roger's return.
Grade: A
dexter (Showtime)
Clocked in with a fantastic episode last week that wrapped up the Ice Cream Truck killer case - or did it? And also brought in the menacing ex husband of Dexter's girlfriend. No spoilers, but this was a first rate ep.
Grade: A +


STUDIO 60 (NBS)
I watched 3 on my dvr, NEVADA DAY 1 & 2, and OPTION PERIOD. Slowly starting to re-like this show, though it's still complete bullshit - they seem to be getting into a better storytelling mode - even though it feels like a show from the 50s. (John Goodman's judge was a complete cliche'.) Worst of it's current misdeeds, taking DAWN, from THE OFFICE BBC, and literally humiliating her every single episode by giving her really bad comedy to perform. Surely, Tim would not stand for this?
Grade: B -


NIP/TUCK (FX)
Why be so idiotic as to set a show 25 years in the future and put a cap on everybody's character. A suicidal idea that went over like a lead balloon. The following ep was somewhat better - but the non chalance with which these characters handle their increasingly outlandish lots in life - what happened to this show?
Grade: D


THE SOPRANOS (HBO)
Just finished the 6th season. It really did kind of just peter out at the end - but as a chapter in an ongoing story - it worked well enough. There was an interesting finale that dealt with the love lives of Christopher and AJ that sort of worked. Now, on to the final 8 in March.
Grade: A -


For those who can't get enough of Chris Makepeace, my friend Jason contributed this site:
http://www.artstomp.com/makepeace/index.html
If you don't know who Chris Makepeace is, you've obviously never seen MEATBALLS or MY BODYGUARD (or MAZES & MONSTERS.)


GPS SYSTEM (STAR)
Okay, I'm not sure what system it is - but I used one of these things in Vegas over the weekend to get around (my mother's new car has it.) And if you're one of those people (like me) who get lost going to the grocery store - this is probably the greatest invention of the 21st Century.
Grade: A +


THE KRAMER FIASCO
A lot of talk about Michael Richards. You can see his original onstage rant HERE:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9sEUIZsmTOE

After watching it, it's pretty clear that he had an awful night. When I first saw it, I thought it was just part of his shtick. If this were on a COMEDY CENTRAL ROAST, nobody would've thought twice about - well, maybe - but really - I've been to many comedy clubs and heard those words out of many comedians mouths - and I don't necessarily think it automatically brands you as a racist - I just think he was reacting. They found a 80s clip of Richards doing the same bit with a Jewish guy. I think had he just said he went over the line and didn't mean anything by it, this might've gone away. But then came this Letterman appearance which you can view in it's entirety here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1UR4sysYE3A

You see, it gets harder to defend him because he's coming off like a sedated lunatic. He's also going around giving a LOT of weird quotes, sounding like a guy who's really out of touch with reality.

I think I prefer to remember Kramer as the K-Man - because this shit is ultimately just too disturbing. For the record, I doubt he's a racist, and there's something very fucked up about being on a late night comedy stage and saying the wrong thing and suddenly it's out in the world to vilify you and ruin your life. On the other hand, he's been so strange about in print and on Letterman - I just think he might have personal problems. This is not Mel Gibson calling people Jews as he dangerously drunk drives - this is a comedian on stage dealing with a heckler. I think no matter what the nationality of the person - they would've gotten the same treatment. Was it appropriate - look, that's not for me to decide. I've been to the COMEDY STORE where worse things were said by just as famous comedians and people were laughing their heads off. It could've went another way - but it didn't, and I feel a lot of sympathy for Richards because I think this is going to fuck him up for a long time to come - and be a part of his legacy, as well as SEINFELD's. (I thought Jerry was masterful in his handling of this on Letterman - except for his ridiculous "Be quiet - it's not funny.") So, first they give us the worst last episode in history - and now Kramer's a racist! I don't know what the answer is, but this is one of those horrible things that just makes me sad.


CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING
I had the pleasure to watch this with my 5 year old niece, Chloe, and was reminded of why I loved the PEANUTS crew so much and how fantastic those old tv specials were. They don't make 'em like this anymore, and watching this special after not having seen it in over a decade was something of a revelation.
Grade: A +


I thought the K-FED gag on Jimmy Kimmel's AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS (they should have him host every year - he was terrific) was pretty insane. They had a K-Fed look a like descend from the roof to the floor, then put in a box and thrown into the river. Right after the bit, Brittney came out to present, and looked really pissed. Great tv. And what's she so pissed about - she married him.


ICONOCLASTS: PAUL SIMON & LORNE MICHAEL (Sundance)
A great 45 minutes with these two fast friends - this offered insight on both men, plus plenty of revealing behind the scenes stuff of both SNL and the recent SIMON & GARFUNKLE reunion. Great show.
Grade: A

TGIF

THE SOPRANOS (Season 3 HBO ON DEMAND)
For some reason, HBO stopped putting the eps up on demand. Too bad - I was rather enjoying the 5th season and definitely thinking I might've been too hard on it. With the expectations lowered, it's quite a cool, albeit very slow moving season. But it certainly had it's very high points.


THE OFFICE (NBC)
Super-sized with an extra 15 minutes to introduce the two branch merger (a direct plot point from the BBC show.) Although - they didn't give Michael a boss, which they did in the BBC show - but I'm sure that's to prolong the tragectory of the show. The episode itself was great fun - i love the BIG TUNA guy going toe to toe with Michael in terms of bad humor. The Pam/Jim stuff is interesting - and as usual - Dwight is so far over the top he keeps the show from becoming great. All that aside - I really like the American version and it's a welcome addition to Thursday nights.
Grade: B

WORLD'S GREATEST BATHROOMS (E!)
Worth watching if you happen by it.

MEATLOAF: BAT 3: THE MONSTER IS LOOSE (AUDIO)
Possibly too harsh the first review around - I'm still listening to it. Liking THE MONSTER IS LOOSE title track more and more (I didn't realize there was a cool middle to the song) - BLIND AS A BAT must be the best song on the cd, IT"S ALL COMING BACK TO ME is played out but Meat delivers a great vocal that saves it (almost), BAD FOR GOOD is another high point - it sounds a lot like INTO THE FIRE from BAT 2 - but that's not a bad thing. Except for one unfortunate refrain (I was built for speed) - this songs rocks pretty hard in the tradition of Jim Steinman. Still hating CRY FOR ME, IF GOD COULD TALK, LAND OF PIGS, IF IT AIN'T BROKE - but really loving ALIVE. Can't stand WHAT ABOUT LOVE. Kind of think SIEZE THE NIGHT was well intentioned but misfired. THE FUTURE is getting better to my ears - and CRY TO HEAVEN is as somber a piece as u'll find in the plundered Steinman cataloge to end this thing. All in all - a very decent showing and I still can't help thinking that if Jim had done this from top to bottom, we'd be in a different ball game - but for the meantime, i'm going to have to change my B - to a B for the songs that do work.
REVISED GRADE (RARE) - B / B +

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE: SINGLE: CANCER (AUDIO)
Haven't really given the whole cd a whirl yet - but CANCER is a heartbreaking song perfectly executed.
Grade: A

I WANT YOU TO KILL ME (vh1)
Very enteraining doc on Kiefer Sutherland's bad that he's promoting in England. Surprisingly absorbing. And watching Kiefer is really fun and interesting.
Grade: B

So -- in the life is too short category, I've dropped 2 shows.
STUDIO 60 - very close to being dumped - but it's getting into levels of badness that I find entertaining. The 2-parter with John Goodman seemed like it was done in the 70s. Even with a corny ending you could see coming 8 miles away.

VERONICA MARS - brilliant first season. Decent 3rd season, but - it's over. I don't even know what's going on anymore and I watch it every week.

HEROES - great vibe - but after 8 eps, I expected something to happen. It's a slow build and they haven't gone anywhere with it - so as for now, it's off the dvr.

AMERICAN DAD (FOX)
Stan becomes a drag racer. Funnier then last week, but not that funny.

FAMILY GUY (FOX)
I swear I can't remember what it was about but it was very funny.
Grade: B +

THE SHIELD (3rd season dvd set)
Boring opening eps - GREAT middle section, then sort of peters out in the last couple of episodes. All in all, a pretty decent season.
Grade: B +

OVER THERE (dvd set)
Just finished watching this with The Girl. Thought it had a really lame uneventful season ender - but it was still a good episode. The highlite had to be when Curry Graham guested as a suicidal doctor - I think that was the last great ep - but this was a great show, and the 90 minute docu on the making of it is extremely fun and very revealing. This is a show that should've had more seasons. But, as it stands:
Grade: A -

nothing much to say monday

I watched part of the WORLD'S UGLIEST DOG competition - was pretty hilarious - though I thought all the dogs were cute.

Saw the ZOO TV show that they're selling on AMAZON these days. I think it's only for the die hards - wasn't impressed with sound quality, song selection or image quality. But if you love U2 - I'm sure you'll love it.

JANE, THE HERAPHODITE: HOWARD TV (ON DEMAND)
A hilarious 20 minutes spent with a deluded guy, who, as Howard points out, looks a LOT like Billy West. He came in wearing a dress and bra and claimed himself to be a hermaphodite - but further examination didn't really reveal that - it got much crazier then that - but you'll have to tune it to see it. Nonetheless, another stellar outting on what is quickly becoming the best comedy network on tv.
Grade: A

MEATLOAF FRIDAY

BAT OUT OF HELL 3: THE MONSTER IS LOOSE (AUDIO)
There's no way to talk about this CD without giving a nod to the unlikely history of Meatloaf. Before anything, there was his cameo in ROCKY HORROR as Eddie. HOT PATOOTIE is a great Rocky Horror song and one of the very few non-Steinman Meatloaf classics. Forgetting about that for a moment, BAT OUT OF HELL was one of my very first favorite albums. It was epic, grand - it had lots of drama and most of all, it sounded awesome. To this day I still listen. There are 7 songs - all perfect. The title track, Paradise, 2 out of 3, Heaven Can Wait and the stunning 10 minute closer, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Meatloaf became a household name after that album dropped in 1977, and it was one of the few albums to have the artist on the cover, yet feature WORDS & MUSIC BY JIM STEINMAN as well. You see - Steinman is Dr. Frankenstein and Meatloaf is the Monster. Meatloaf has NEVER written a song on his own that was any good. He's had a few non-Steinman hits, but far and wide, Meat is at his best when he's singing Steinman. In this little hub of music, think of Steinman/Meatloaf as you would Elton/Bernie Taupin. It doesn't really work without the other.

After BAT 1, Meatloaf had a nervous breakdown and lost his voice. Steinman, who had been preparing their follow up, BAD FOR GOOD, ended up using the material as his debut solo album, which, frankly - Steinman had the writing chops but not the pipes, though some of his song deliveries are not bad.

When Meatloaf came back to earth, they released DEAD RINGER, which sounded like a bad impression of BAT 1, and had a song called MORE THEN YOU DESERVE, in which Meatloaf walked in on his girlfriend as she was being gang-banged by all his friends. The opening, PEEL OUT tried to be some sort of sequel to BAT OUT OF HELL, but sounded dulled out and Meat's voice sounded like it was recorded at the wrong speed. There are those who like this CD, but it's just not the goods. The only real hit was READ EM AND WEEP - which still holds up, despite Meat's flinty vocal, which works well in this song. The song was later recorded by both MANILOW and STREISAND and became a hit for each of them.

Meat and Steinman went their seperate ways - apparantly they really don't get along. Steinman went on to do some albums with Air Supply (Making Love Out Of Nothing At All - classic Steinman,) Bonnie Tyler ("Total Eclipse of the heart" and "Holding out for a hero" clearly sound like BAT 1 - as well as Celine Dion "It's All Coming Back To Me Now."

He even did another album called PANDORA'S BOX which featured him and some others - but it didn't quite take - despite good songs and lofty ambitions. It did give Steinman his first and only radio hit, ROCK AND ROLL DREAMS COME THROUGH. (Later made a hit again by Meat on BAT 2.)

Later, Meatloaf went on to record a shitload of mediocre cds and started touring exensively. Of all his solo outings, only THE RAZOR'S EDGE from the same name CD was any good. But barely. He recorded a smattering of Steinman penned songs after that, but it seemed like all the passion from BAT 1 was dead.

I remember then being in MODY DISC in the valley and being shocked to find a pre-release copy of BAT OUT OF HELL II: BACK INTO HELL. I didn't know what to think - I was such a huge fan and somehow I had no idea this was even happening. I quickly became addicted to the CD as lightening struck twice and this CD had a similar passion as the first BAT. From the opening of that sterling piano on ANYTHING 4 LOVE, to Steinman's re-recorded ROCK AND ROLL DREAMS, to IT JUST WON'T QUIT - Meatloaf was back in a BIG way. There was the 13 minute opus OBJECT IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR and the beatiful closing LOST BOYS & GOLDEN GIRLS. The two CDs together seemed to tell a dramatic story with humor about growing up, sex, women, motorcycles - this was like Springsteen amped up to a 30 in over-the-topness - but Steinman's gift of melody and turn of phrase, along with Meatloaf's rebounded voice made this a major winner - even more shocking, it sold on par with BAT 1 - becoming a true comeback story that sounded like a fairy tale. How could this CD, 17 years after the first, become such a monster hit? Because, with the sole exception of an unfortunate, metal sounding LIFE IS A LEMON - the CD was again, nearly perfect.

All the start aligned and the thing just worked brilliantly.

After Bat 2, things got dicey again. Meat and Steinman fell out of favor yet again - however, Meat continued to record.

After Bat 2, Meat has a new audience and the next CD was WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD, which was actually a pretty decent non jim-produced Meat CD. It featured the biggest non-Steinman Meat song ever, I'D LIE FOR YOU (AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.) - A Dianne Warren penned duet that sounded a LOT like ANYTHING 4 LOVE (truth be told.) It also had 2 Steinman songs - Heat Of The Night (forget the exact name) which completely sounds like a BAT song, ("All I wanted was a piece of the Night") and even better, LEFT IN THE DARK, another 8 minute Steinman masterpiece. I don't know who produced it, but it sounded like a real Meat/Steinman classic.

All in all, an OK effort.

Then there was a hideous live album MEATLOAF LIVE ALL OVER THE WORLD that kinda sucked, which mystifies me, because they have a superb live band - but they had really bad, muddy mixes and strange vocals from Meat.

You are better off with the CD MEATLOAF STORYTELLERS. Sounds a lot better - but there is a very popular bootleg called TO HELL & BACK which is a superb document of the BAT 2 tour. (Why there isn't a proper Bat 2 era DVD is another mystery.)

Then a few years ago Meatloaf did an album with Nikki Six of Motley Crue which yielded only one modest hit - DID I SAY THAT - and no contributions from Steinman. The worst post BAT 2 CD ever.

And now, the following is all based on various stories I've heard, but there seems to be some truth in all the acounts.

Meatloaf saw Steinman on the street a few years ago and Steinman said "Let's do BAT 3- I have a bunch of songs." As a warm up, they recorded some new tracks for THE VERY BEST OF MEATLOAF - 3 tracks, GOTTA GET HOME BY NOW, which has lyrics by Steinman and music by Andrew Lloyd Webber - it's quite good. Two more tracks from that were A KISS IS A TERRIBLE THING 2 WASTE and there was another - and they all sounded kind of BATesque, if not quite the same thing.

So here is the story of BAT OUT OF HELL 3. This is all depending on who you talk to - but common speculation is this. Steinman wanted to do Bat 3. Meatloaf, of course, wants to do it - these are really the CDs that he builds his legend on - so Steinman contributes some songs and Meatloaf doesn't really love them. (This from the man who picked the worst song on the HEDWIG soundtrack to record. Still, he uses 7 of Steinman's songs - none written expressely for the the project - but so what - Bat Out Of Hell 2 featured at least a third of re-used Steinman songs.

Then Steinman doesn't get a producing credit on BAT 3, and all Hell breaks loose. Steinman takes Meat to court over the use of the name BAT OUT OF HELL - a judge orders that Meat can use it, under Steinman's provision that they both "just leave each other alone."

So Bat 3, the end of the trilogy (sure) is here. Meatloaf went out and got Desond Child to produce it - a producer known mostly for his bland top ten hits. He also turns out to be a decent mimic of Jim Steinman - but not that decent. Mealoaf's use of him, and Nikki Six from Motley Crue - none of this is really a good sign - but the speculation is over and the CD is out - so, at this point I've put so much ink on the subject, here is a song by song review of the new CD.

1 - THE MONSTER IS LOOSE - Non-Steinman. A cool rock song - it's been available on the web for about 5 months now - but it's no BAT OUT OF HELL - it barely seems like it belongs on this CD. I don't know why Meat thinks his future is in hard rock - and even though this track sort of works, as the opening number? Where is the sterling piano notes? The motorcycle sound effects? The continuity?
This is okay - but as the opener - unforgivable.
Monster Is Loose Grade: B -

2 - BLIND AS A BAT - Non-Steinman. Now we're talking - of all the non - Steinman songs, this is the most BAT like and probably the best track on the cd. Maybe even the best non-steinman moment of Bat's career. And it's a great imitation of Jim Steinman like grandeur. This is probably what they should've opened with.
Blind As A Bat: A -

3 - IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME - Meatloaf revisits this hit for Celine Dion that Steinman wrote & produced (originally - for the very first BAT cd) - and comes up with a winner. It's a shame the song is completely fucked out since this was a hit back when BAT 2 was around, but it sounds good.
Grade: B +

4 - BAD FOR GOOD - A Steinman classic, with some Brian May on guitar giving it a Queen sound - and a decent arrangement. Meat once said he would never record this song, but I'm glad he did. This is kind of like OUT OF THE FRYING PAN in BAT 2. In fact, this song sound more like BAT 2 then anyother song on the CD.
Grade: B +

The rest - not so good. ALIVE is okay. SIEZE THE NIGHT is a Steinman oldie from an aborted BATMAN play - not so great. And when Steinman doesn't produce Steinman songs - it never quite sounds right.

THE FUTURE JUST AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE is another cool Steinman oldie - first recorded for PANDORA'S BOX. This song actually starts out pretty good until Meat, on the 3rd duet on this disc (you can see his mind working overtime, knowing that some of his biggest hits have been duets), starts singing with Jennifer Hudson. It's real good - but I would rather had a stripped down production and let Meat sing his heart out without a partner. The disc really needed a song like that. Just Meat and a Piano playing a Steinman composition. That's usually the best recipe.

There's a Diane Warren penned CRY FOR ME which sounds like a bad 80s reject.

LAND OF THE PIGS is a Steinman and not of my favorite genre - very much in the LIFE IS A LEMMON variety.

The CD ends with CRY TO HEAVEN, another plundered Steinman song from the 80s. It's just ok - a 2 minute wrap up that sounds more like an Irish folk tale then a cohesive end to the Bat saga, but I guess this is an okay ending. At least we got it.

But it's hard to imagine what might've been. Had this been an all Steinman affair - but who knows if it ever would've come out? I'm betting it would've been what we were really waiting for.

Where are the pianos? The great choruses? The 12 minute standouts? The sly humour? None of this is present. But at least it's a new Meatloaf CD with Steinman songs on it. It doesn't really feel like a BAT record - but the saga probaly ended with BAT 2.

GRADES:
BAT OUT OF HELL 1: A +
BAT OUT OF HELL 2: A +

BAT OUT OF HELL 3: B -

The ultimate insult is that Jim Steinman and Meatloaf will probably never work again together after this, and all we get out of it is a sub-par BAT cd. Maybe Meat should've stopped while he was ahead. That said, here's hoping Meat And Jim reunite for some kind of BAT ENCORE, part 4, a 3 song EP DISC, something to put a more satisfying close on this epic that was such a part of my life growing up.

To see that awful no talent Katherine McPHee talking shit about Meatloaf and being really disrespectful, go here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0QJjAskq9nE

To see a wierd take on ANYTHING 4 LOVE, go here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5Fgpq0xP33o

Jim Steinman's great website, where you can find endless BAT stuff, articles, and best of all - crazy downloads (MP3s) From Steinman's demos of BAT OUT OF HELL to complete free Meatloaf shows from the late 70s. Awesome, awesome sight.
http://www.jimsteinman.com/bottom.htm
another way to get in:

http://www.jimsteinman.com/whatsnew.htm




DEXTER (showtime)
After last week's slow-paced but always good hour, this week ratched things up quite a few notches. Dexter seems to be in deep shit - both with his work, his sister, his girlfriend and his freedom. The twists were great and even the actors I thought were poorly cast turned in great performances in this ep.
Grade: A

NIP/TUCK (F/X)
Matt is marrying Kimber and having a baby.
Boblit was back, and so was the drug dealer from the first season.
As well as the guy playing his underling, who's now on THE CLOSER.
I should really remember his name, but I don't.
This show is ridiculous.
And somehow I can't stop watching.
I don't know what kind of grade to give it.
It makes no sense, but it somehow works.
Grade: ?


PRISON BREAK (FOX)Has anyone noticed that this scrappy show has become one of the best guilty/smart pleasures of the entire season. There are more twists and turns then you can count, and the narrative drive seems to be working. And three cheers for the return of Anthony Dennison as their CIA pop!
Grade: B +

AMERICAN DAD (FOX)Stan goes gay.
Ho hum.
Grade: C

COMIC EVANGELISTS (AFI FILM SELECTION - THE ARCLIGHT)
The Girl dragged me out to the Arclight to see this film - an AFI film festival "mockumentary" about comic evangelists. This could not have sounded worse - yet it turned out to be one of the better films and funnier films I've seen all year. The take on the subject matter is hilarious and the acting is top notch and best of all - it was actually subtle. Great job.
Grade: B +

E.R. (NBC)
Forrest Whitaker rocks.

Mario Van Peebles seemed kind of verbosely retarded when he guest hosted on EBERT & ROEPER on Sunday. He's really taken with himself.

HOUSE OF CARTERS (E!)
Somehow growing on me - but those two kids are ready to kill each other.
Grade: C


STUDIO 60 (NBS)
Continues to kind of suck with the one exception of snappy, suprising dialog. Otherwise - this week, with the kind of bimbos that Sorkin only dreams about and the pitiful homeless man reminded me of the WEST WING ep where Toby stopped the whole White House to deal with a homeless person. This show is going down fast and hard. The whole thing with the black comic they hired - fucking ridiculous.
Grade: C -

NIP/TUCK (F/X)
Another decent episode - although it was hard to stomach Liz and Alanis Morrisette. I think the Sean/Julia romance may finally be coming to an end.
Grade: B

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE (CD)
A great new CD, with the standout track being "CANCER." This kind of sounds like a more sophisticated Green Day - but no surprise, they share a producer. Still, I'm listening to this a LOT and it gets better with every listen.

HOWARD STERN - UNCLEAN BEAVER (CD)
A CD from the old days - his first I think. Mostly sub-par, but a few standouts, like 50 WAYS TO RANK YOUR MOTHER and NEIL YOUNG'S CAT. Otherwise it's dated badly.
Grade: C -

SNL: THE BEST OF DARYL HAMMOND (NBC)
They did their best to remind us that Daryl Hammond has done a LOT of different characters on the show. He's really unrecognizable in many of the roles and possibly the same type of go to guy that Phil Hartman was - though not nearly as funny as Hartman. Still, this compilation of sketches reminds us why they kept Hammond in the mass firings over the summer. He's solid. I think Seth Myers has actually destroyed the WEEKEND UPDATE - he's bad. Real bad. The idea that he's head writer boggles my mind - but then again - this is SNL's worst year in a decade. That said - Amy Poehler single handedly keeps me tuning in - she might be the funniest lady on late nite left these days. And I actually miss Horatio Sanz - if for nothing else - his infectous laughter (who cares if they laugh - most of the sketches suck anyway) - and his demented "I'M CAROL!" were one of my old highlights. And I'd kill to see another BLOATER BROTHERS sketch - but I guess that's out of the question.

RESCUE ME (F/X) - 3rd Season Finale
Good show with a lot of resolutions you can guess from a mile away. And a dumb cliffhanger. Though I still kind of love this show for the dialoge, the characters, the vibe - if not the particular situations. And definintely not for Tatum O"Neal's over the topness.
Season Finale grade: B -
3rd SEASON GRADE: B+

TWILIGHT ZONE (SCI-FI)
Been watching a few of the old B&W eps that air virtually unct on sci-fi - almost had forgotten just how fantastic they are. The one with the kid who controls the town and everyone kisses his ass is superb.

PAULA POUNDSTONE (BRAVO)
I think - not sure where I caught this - but she was surprisingly lucid, together and very very funny. She talked about her situation for a bit, but mostly it was the tight observational comedy that turned her into minor comedy star in the first place.
Grade: C+

ROSANNE: BLONDE & BITCHIN' (HBO)
Me & The Girl shut this down 10 minutes in after she started getting real current - talking about gay marriage and the president. Wow. How could this delusional unfunny woman be the same mind behind the genius sitcom ROSANNE? (Except for the final season.) That these two personas can coexist truly boggles the mind - this felt like it was taped in the 70s. Her jokes were old even back when the old wisemen were telling it to the Isrealites.
Grade: F


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (CW)
Anchel left - I thought she was cute. But she's no model.

One last word about BAT 3 - it's quite good - better then many CDs out there - but if you're asking me to say it's a worthy finale' to the Bat trilogy rather then what it really is - just a good Meatloaf CD with some cool Steinman songs and some interesting new originals. To put this CD in the same category that includes HEAVEN CAN WAIT and OBJECTS IN THE REARVIEW - just doesn't work for me. The shame of this, is that had Meat just released this as a regular release, it probably would've come off better. But he promised us RETURN OF THE JEDI and delivered EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH. While BAT 3 isn't anywhere near as hideous a creature as SITH, or that entire 2nd cycle for that matter, it's not Bat 1 or even 2. But it's not GODFATHER 3, either.

Somewhere between Rocky 3 and Lethal Weapon 3.

She Killed In Ecstasy!

Please excuse the smashed together paragraphs - the new computer is giving me trouble - Dig Couch.

What's funnier - Salma Hayeck's hilarious cameos on UGLY BETTY or Sandra Bullocks side splitting cameos as the "accident-prone" worker in GEORGE LOPEZ?

Kill me now before something like this happens again. Everytime I see a celebrity doing a bad over the top cameo, I think Bruce Willis in FRIENDS - or any episode of WILL & GRACE.

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's FACING FUTURE (CD)http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/B00000JFG3/ref=s9_asin_image_0/002-5995932-7604003
Known as "Iz" - it's impossible to really say how popular he was in Hawaii - but believe me, he was like Elvis in the late 50s - and this CD - I believe a compilation of some of his best songs - is da bomb. Remember that "somewhere over the rainbow" cover that seemed to be everywhere for a little while? That's Iz - included in this CD as well. Tracks 5, 8, and 14 are the best - but you really can't go wrong with Izzy.
Grade: A

SHE KILLED IN ECSTASY (Sundance)
This has to be the grooviest 1970 movie ever made. I watched it on Sundance - it kind of defies explanation - but I'll try. A woman avenges her husband's suicide against the colleagues who ridiculed him while he was alive. You have to see this movie - it's Italian and subtitled - with a seriously beach trip soundtrack and a healthy use of the ZOOM button - it's kind of like LAUGH IN for the weed set. And the great thing is, as bad as this thing gets - it keeps getting more and more ridiculous - really - one for the ages.
Grade: A

THE SOPRANOS (season 6.1 - first five eps)
Been watching the latest repeats to familiarize myself with the new season coming up - I think I was a bit harsh on this last season. Taken for what it is - it really wasn't bad - and some of it was superb. But the coma thing did go on for a bit too long, diminishing it's power. The Paulie storyline with his Aunt/Mother paternity - was really unfortunate. And some of it just seemed like they were going through the paces. Still, at it's worst, it's the best. And LIVE FREE OR DIE (the ep where the gang finds out Vito is gay - is fantastic. All the biz with Carmella and her spec house - not so much.
Grade: A -

ROSANNE BARR on JIMMY KIMMEL
Jimmy looked genuinely astonished when la lunatic talked about how her 11 year old son was the "hippest, funnest guy on the planet." Jimmy asked "I mean, how fun is he?" She's the exact opposite of all the things we used to love about her. The more I listened to the interview, the more insane she sounded. Still - discounting the last season (where she won the lottery - the premise, by the way - for the new already unwatchable Rosie O' Donnel FX show), ROSANNE, the sitcom was one of the best. But I'll still probably check out her return to stand up on her upcoming HBO concert. It sounds bad already - she was telling Jimmy that after 9/11 she HAD to come back - yikes. Nothing like hearing an insane person's thoughts on the world and how it relates to her.

LOST (ABC) (SPOILERS)
So long, Mr. Ecco. Sad to see such a great character exit in such a mediocre episode. This show is apparently taking a 13 week break after next week - let's hope they retool what they have and get back to being compelling instead of holding us hostage for one hour every week. I still love this show, but it's getting harder to believe in the narrative.
Grade: C +

30 ROCK (ABC)
Continues it's funny ways. The chemistry between Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin is great. And I can swear this was the 2nd episode in a row that didn't have even a cameo from the alleged "lead" - Jane "Snappish" whatever her last name is.

BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)
Not only has this thing jumped the shark, but it's now actually engaged in anal sex with the shark.
Grade: F

HEROES (NBC)
I really like this show - but there are still no great moments to dazzle - and life is too short. So I'm going to hang on - but something better happen soon.

HOWARD TV
Continues to be the most exciting channel on cable. The funniest stuff on right now is GARY PUPPET and GARY FIRES JOHN - watch them in that order. They're both culled from the late, great E! show - but re-edited and uncensored. The look on Gary's face concerning the stolen Gary puppet is one for the ages. And these episodes remind us why we used to love Stuttering John so much - the turncoat.
Grade: A +
ALSO: Look for a 1 penny offer on how to get a 2 1/2 hour ON DEMAND that show that culls the best of the year. It's one cent and you can see how good it is for yourself. It is truly a brilliant compilation and genius editing to somehow wrap up a year into two and a half hilarious hours.

Best line this month:

Artie: Why are we farting on this woman?

FRIDAY THE 13th PART 1 & 2 (DVD)
Watched this with friends Ron & Jen & The Girl over Halloween - found ourselves fast forwarding to the last act - when all the teenagers are on the run. The first film is a bit more stylish, as the mom being the killer was a pretty different way to go. Then Jason turns up for part 2 - we laughed a lot but never quite got scared. Still, for Halloween veiwing, hard to beat this 2 parter.

PATRICK (DVD)
Almost forgot about this oldie - a British horror film that has PATRICK in a coma and falling love with his nurse, using his telekinetic powers to terrify her. Rent this if you get a chance - still scary, and a little ridiculous.
Grade: C +

NIGHTMARE ON ELM ST. (DVD)
This was the last film we watched on All Hallow's Eve - and easily the very scariest of the bunch. Even though Freddy went on to be Horror's answer to HennyYoungman, to quote my friend, Ron - "he was scary as shit in the first one." At one point, the movie was really scary and the trick or treaters started jangling the door and all the ladies screamed. Pretty cool.
Grade: B +

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Another show well done. As they've all been.
Grade:A

AUDITION (MAX)
A VERY creepy film that is slooooow, until the last half hour. Really creepy.
Grade: B +

HOGAN KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Surprisingly compelling. Hulk usually looks miserable, and his wife seems manic.
Grade: C +

THE BACHELOR (ABC)
You knew he was going to ditch the Italian girl who couldn't speak English. Now I guess he'll 86 the marriage-happy psycho who came to her date in a wedding dress. I like how they use Erica, the only true whack job in the bunch who got eliminated a few weeks ago - and have her comment on the show - this edition is losing a lot of steam with these sweet but very boring girls.
Grade: C


WEEDS (SHOWTIME - SEASON FINALE)
Good show. Bad season ender with ridiculous cliffhanger. Even worse - her best friend shooting off that gun in the house. Strange - they'd been pitch perfect all season and now this. An all but the kitchen sink episode (incidently - the highest rated episode of WEEDS history.)

Season Finale Grade: B -
OVERALL SEASON GRADE: B +

THE PARANORMAL PROJECT (Vh1)
Haven't seen it - but the girl LOVED it!

Have a great weekend - will be back next week with reviews of BREAKING BONADUCE, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, LAKE HOUSE and MEATLOAF: BAT OUT OF HELL 3 - THE MONSTER IS LOOSE!