BABA BOOEY ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE....

THE COMEDY CENTRAL ROAST OF WILLIAM SHATNER (COM)
Hilarious and profane as always, the roast rocked, Shatner was in fine form, taking it like the best of them. Sulu and Artie Lange were there, which gave the whole thing a Howard Stern effect - although I thought Artie wasn't his usual self and didn't score as well as people like Jeff Ross (great), Greg Giraldo, and even Betty White, who was shockingly good. Lisa Lampanelli is usually great, but her same - "I go out with the black man" shtick is getting really old. But this was as good as these things usually get. I just wonder where people like James Spader and Leanard Nimoy were.
Grade: B +
THE ROAST OF BABA BOOEY (HOWARD TV)
On the other side of the taste-meter, here was the roast for Howard's long suffering producer, Gary Dell'Abate. I've met Gary a few times and have to say he's one of the nicest human beings I've ever met - so I wasn't surprised that nobody (except a delightfully insane Sal) went for the jugular. I was a little surprised Howard himself didn't do a set, but Artie was a grand slam - as was almost everybody. These roasts are becoming the talk of the town, but the real oddball thing in this was to see the long-departed Jackie The Jokeman in the roaster's seat. Being a fan of Howards now for 20 plus years, this was a real thrill. About 10 years ago, Jackie walked off the show in a contract dispute (he wanted more money) and has really not been heard from since. Probably one of the all time career blunders ever made - and the roasters did not let that go unnoticed. Jackie is back now with a one hour weekly show on Sirious, and well - what can I say - Jackie is a HUGE part of Stern show history - one of the elements that originally attracted people to the show - and I will always have affection for The Jokeman. A lot of the roasters really came after him - and he handled it about as well as he could have. His own set was pretty funny - and it was heartwarming to see him and Fred Norris working together again. But that song did go too long - and if it wasn't the triumphant return that we'd hoped for, it was a return of sorts - and a memorable one. And hopefuly, not the last. While Artie was funny, he seemed to really skewer Jackie in a set that was a departure from his usual sweetness. Gary never really got skewered, and Sal was probably the best roaster of the night. But his targets were not so much Gary as they were Beth (he actually made a Horse whinny - I guess implying that Beth looks like a horse - and got the weirdest look from Howard I've ever seen - but he did kill. Maybe the best roaster of the bunch.
Grade: A +

ICE T's RAP SCHOOL (VH1)
Very fun, the kids are hysterical. But the real tension here is usually whether or not Ice T is going to beat the kids on camera.
Grade: B

FLAVA OF LOVE - THE REUNION (VH1)
This could've run 2 hours, as this is probably one of the best reality shows ever. No spoilers in case you haven't seen it - but I know I'll be ready for I LOVE NY! - a new reality show that will have NEW YORK picking out her new man from a bunch of suitors. That VH1 is willing to put this mentally questionable woman on tv is really pushing the envelope - but Jesus, I can't wait for that show to come on.
Grade: A


LOST (ABC)
Comes in with another episode that trafficked in "THE OTHERS." Many plot points were insanely convenient - but I'll admit the thing with the pacemaker was pretty cool. All in all, a push.
Grade: C +

NIP/TUCK (FX)

Had a decent episode that dealt with Sean operating to fix his child's hands. A more sturdy installment.
Grade: B

BREAKING BONADUCE (VH1)
I just watched the first 2 eps of this reality show and am riveted. Artie Lange's impression of Danny in the premiere was priceless. And Danny is out of his mind.
Grade: A

MONSTER HOUSE (PPV)
Really good. Great voice work from Steve Buscemi.
Grade: B +

MIAMI VICE: THE MOVIE (PPV)
I fell asleep in this mess after the first half hour - and I didn't understand anything. Not one bit of it.
Grade: D

You, ME & DUPREE (PPV)
Funny opening, so-so middle, disastrous ending.
Grade: D +

CLERKS 2 (PPV)
Kevin Smith, of whom I'm not the biggest fan (that distinction would belong to him) directs CLERKS 2 and comes close to matching the shot pattern and vibe of the original. I didn't love the original but thought it had it's moments. This one does, too - but not as many of them.
Grade: B -

30 ROCK (NBC)
3rd funny ep in a row. Nice work. Funny that Jane Kcaewrwlfrjkadack wasn't in ep 3 - and it still rankles me that the brilliant Rachel Dracht was fucked out of this role by short sighted network executives.

THE BACHELOR (ABC)
Still fun. The girls are whack. I think they should have the next one be your typical ABC bachelor but have the girls of FLAVA in da house!
Grade: B

THE SOPRANOS (HBO ON DEMAND)
Started watching the last season just to catch up and review the season that I didn't think was so good - thought I have to say - the premiere episode, MEMBERS ONLY - was pretty damn good. And the end where Tony takes a bullet from his uncle works very very well.
Grade: B +

One more before I go...

PROJECT RUNWAY MARATHON (3rd season - BRAVO)
I'd never seen this before but The Girl really wanted to catch up with it, so Sun we watched every episode of the 3rd season. What a great show. Even more then America's Next Top Model, you actually learn about fashion and you almost get a better sense of what a model is supposed to do - on Tyra's show you would think that it's all about becoming a star. This show reminds you that the outfits are supposed to be the stars. I loved the fact that this was a much less nasty experience then most reality shows, where everybody hates each other. I forget the name of the girl who tried to rat out Jeffrey, but I loved that she was the first one eliminated in the final. I also loved how full of shit she was to Jeffrey after his investigation proved that he didn't outsource the work on his clothing line. Jeffrey deserved to win - but he now needs to get that neck tattoo removed - he's a skinny guy and it always looks like he has triple chins because of that crazy tattoo.
Grade: B +


STUDIO 60 (NBC)
This show has gotten BAD. I don't mean Michael Jackson bad - I mean...bad bad.
You would think that all of America is peeled to this fictional late night show on NBS! Speaking of which - couldn't they just have said "NBC" and pretended to be some version of SNL instead of a show that doesn't exist? Why is the reporter there to do a "ground breaking" story whose best sketches never even rise to the level of a particularly crummy episode of MAD TV? And if you care whether or not Mathew Perry and the blonde Christian girl get together - then you might have less of a life than me.
Grade: D

EXTREME MAKE OVER (ABC)
The girl with the spider living in her face for 7 months and the deaf guy - both great stories - both had huge rewarding endings. I don't watch these shows regularly, but they do work. I like when they take someone with a legitimate problem over them taking someone who's just - in their eyes - a fashion disaster. They always do the same exact thing - they cut the person's hair really short, give him big fat long fake choppers, and make them look like a generic host of an infomercial. They should really just stick with the true stories of people who truly need the makeover.
Grade: B

SNL: JOHN C. REILY (NBC)
Didn't see the whole thing - but it looked kind of funny. I wonder what studio 60 will do!

30 ROCK (NBC)
This show really works - even Jane Kckaomvweaacrack was better this time around - although, again - Rachel Dracht would've been profoundly better in the role. Tracey Morgan is great, Alec Baldwin steals the show.
Grade: B +

THE DEPARTED

So - me & Jessica are headed to Maui for my birthday (her present to me) - so the blog won't be updated for about a week and a half. In the meantime, enjoy these reviews and post comments if you think they suck. Have a great week - the digital couch.

THE DEPARTED (In Theaters)
Directed by Martin Scorsese. Staring Leo, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin, Mark Wahlburg and Jack fucking Nicholson. I was hoping for GOODFELLAS with cell phones. What I got was a supremely well shot and well acted and well played chess match between the Irish mob and the police. The big problem: it was just that. There were no characters to root for - nobody to love - nothing that tapped into our own feelings about the subject matter....It was just - kind of empty. Gorgeous to look at - great dialog - but yet - I can't remember one single scene. It kind of reminded me of the new STAR WARS, LAND OF THE DEAD - all these directors returning to their roots and coming up empty. I was HOPING to LOVE this film - believe me - I own every Martin Scorsese movie there is - but this just doesn't make it. A diverting rental - sure. A new gangster classic? For that, check the new season of the Sopranos.
Grade: B -

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE (ABC)
Clocked in with a hilarious episode last night that parodied LOST with Billy Dee Williams - and Uncle Frank was truly insane last night in the best way.
Grade: A

FLAVA OF LOVE (VH1 - FINALE)
The best. I can't imagine a more vivid finale where everything happens that you could hope for - and then some. But here is the deal - I honestly - and I'm not kidding around here - I honestly think that NEW YORK truly needs serious mental help - she might needs years of intensive help. Her mother is insane and NEW YORK might even be more insane. She even scared the shit out of Flava - and that's not easy to do; but when he jumped off the boat - I was ready to do the same.

This is reportedly the very last season of the show - for those keeping score, VH1 has never seen ratings like this - and the finale came in as the most watched non sports program in the history of cable - or something like that. The point is - it was BIG. My prediction: we haven't seen the last of NEW YORK and Flav - there is a demented magic there that the network can't let go of. That said - I hope she gets help because she's a stunningly beautiful girl, but so deeply, deeply fucked up, it's a pity.
Grade: A

DIRTY (DVD)
Cuba Gooding Jr. gets his TRAINING DAY on. The problem: Cuba is so non-ghetto he can't even say "mother fucker" right.
Grade: D

THANK YOU FOR SMOKING (DVD)
Good movie. Funny. Over the top? Kind of - but it still works.
Grade: B

TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: SCARFACE (E!)
Great Docu on the landmark movie that was surprisingly good with testimonials from many of the stars, plenty of clips and plenty of crazy stories from the set. Best of all, it made me want to see the movie again - which I haven't seen in over ten years.
Grade: B -

THE BACHELOR (ABC)
What can I say - I love this show.
Grade: B +

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Has gotten diabolical. I'm so hooked.
Grade: A

THE SHIELD (3rd season DVD)
Opens up with a farily boring episode - but I remember very good things about this season.

WISEGUY & THE GIRL
The Girl has put a stop to the RAG TRADE ARC. I think she's had enough of Mr. Terranova - which breaks my heart - especially since the RAG TRADE is probably the last arc that was truly great and had a fantastic finish - but she'll never know - and the tv gods weep.
WISEGUY GRADE: A +
Jess' Decision: Grade: F!

WIFE SWAP
The "HOLLYWOOD" couple and the country bumpkins. This show is usually fun - but the "hollywood" wife and her parenting skills were really disgusting. And the country bumpkins could not have been more frightening.
Grade: B -

HOUSE OF CARTERS (E!)
Fun, but we've seen it all before - and this doesn't add much to the genre. These people are very dysfunctional - but it's getting old. And these guys are BARELY stars.
Grade: C -

WEEDS vol. 1 & 2 (CD)
If you like the show, you'll LOVE both cds. The first CD has the original LITTLE BOXES - the second CD features a fantastic version of LITTLE BOXES and the rest of the songs really evoke the mood of this great series.
Grade: A

ROGER WATERS: IN THE FLESH (CD)
Just as good as the dvd and taped over various nights.
Grade: A

SKINNY COW DIET CONES (IN YOUR GROCERY)
Move over Weight Watchers cones - the Skinny cow cones are one less gram of fiber - 10 more calories, and about 3 times as good. They have chocolate and - even better - vanilla with little caramel ribbons in the ice cream along wit that chocolate filled bottom - all at only 140 calories for this little slice of heaven.
Grade: A

NIP/TUCK (FX)
Continues it's descent into hell with another Rosie O' Donnel appearance as a woman who got "earjacked." Kimber is used and abused in a way completely inconsistent with the show - and Matt sleeps with Kimber - now making her have slept with every dude on the show.
Yikes. Someone should put this thing out of it's misery.
Grade: D

LOST (ABC)
LOST clocked in with a very good episode that was good for exactly the reasons the last 2 eps weren't. It concerned the castaways we love (and 2 we never even knew were there!) the flashback with Locke was actually used effectively - although why do they have to now say that Locke is a guy that nearly killed a cop with a shotgun? It's like - do we really need these characters to have been EXTRAORDINARY before the Island - I thought that some of the steam from this show came from the fact that the Island made them people they weren't before - so I had a bit of an issue with that development - but it was still light years better then the season opening 2 eps. I guess the two new goodlooking cast members were added since they killed so many off last year. I still think the show feels like there is no master plan left, but last night's show was a good solid ep and hopefuly is the beginning of a season.
Grade: B

E.R. (NBC)Still pumping. Forrest Whitaker might be one of the best actors alive. Here he plays a guy who had a stroke due to negligence of the ER - and the show is better for having him on. By the way - John Stamos is GREAT on the show - surprise, surprise.
Grade: A

THE OFFICE (NBC)
Another so-so episode - there was a very sly reference to the BBC series last night. The joke they were telling about the kid who ends up in the hospital and how the doctor won't treat them - was actually a partial joke from the BBC FINALE - in which David Brent was telling the joke in the last minutes of the show. Only someone who's watched the commentary on that episode would know that - and frankly, I feel like this season is trying to tap into some of the ideas of the BBC series. I didn't think the phone call between Jim and Pam was that big a deal - though NBC hyped it like the second coming.
Grade: B -

VERONICA MARS (CW)
Aside from Weevil getting really fat and Logan clearly just using Veronica at this point for sex, I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this show anymore. They mysteries are all really convoluted - and the campus rapist storyline feels really cheap. The banter and characters are still good - though a few new ones are trying REALLY hard to be funny - I think this show might've outlived it's usefulness.
Grade: C

Thought this was funny - BIFF from BACK TO THE FUTURE does stand up now and put together this song about the questions he keeps getting based on the popular trilogy.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y

The problems with LOST and NIP/TUCK.

LOST (ABC)
After a stellar first season and a brilliant second season - the third season slump started early for this once great show. These opening two eps were a real let down and I've been trying to figure out why. Here is what I think: the beauty of LOST used to be that these were characters we somewhat related to and cared about. And as they got to know each other, we got to know them. Add to the mix the strangeness and creepiness of the Island - and you have a great mix of elements.

Unfortunately - the third season forgets the beauty of getting to know new people. Season 2 intro'd us to a whole bunch of new, worthwhile characters (at least most of them - thank God Anna Lucia, the horridly badly cast role, is GONE). The problem with the new season I think falls into a couple of categories. First of all, the only new characters are "THE OTHERS." And frankly, "The Others" were a LOT more interesting the less we knew about them. Now that they're here - they all seem like various version of STEPFORD WIVES and it's just boring. Like bad science fiction. That's the problem with the OTHERS. Even when Ben was the locked up Henry Gale in the 2nd season, he was somewhat interesting. But now - he's like a really caricatured James Bond villain. He talks like a bad guy in BATTLEFIELD EARTH and erases all shreds of credibility the show once had. I don't know if it's the actor or the producers encouraging him to do this - but his acting like the head alien doesn't help the show. So "The Others" seem be to inhuman and Ben - seems to be a menacing robot that you might find in a late 80s bad horror movie.

Then you have our characters tied up in jails, pressing buttons for food - it seems like a really bad version of PLANET OF THE APES - THE SERIES. I don't believe the "guards" for a minute - it just seems really silly.

The show seems to have completely forgotten about some of our very favorite characters, like Hurley and Locke. They keep opening doors to story ideas that they'll probably never have the time to get to - they've left the Hurly's shrink is really in his mind idea as if we wouldn't remember that the show went out of it's way to say the entire series is in Hurley's head.

Worst of all, there is WAY too much contact with the outside world. They're watching tv, they're getting food, THE OTHERS seem to be directly plugged in - it seems like the only thing standing between them & rescue is key and a door. So now even the desperation of the situation is gone.

Can this show be saved? Only time will tell - but if anybody from ABC is reading this: STOP WITH THE FUCKING FLASHBACKS already that just add to a story we already know. What was innovative at first has grown weary and tired at this point.

What can I say - I used to love this show - I'd like to love it again. But they've made THE OTHERS bad sci-fi villains, forgot about the core characters - and, worst of all - escaping the island is no longer an issue. In a sense, the dread that was their plane crash was the real enemy, and by making escape seem SO easy and plausible, they've de-fanged their best villain.

Current Grade: C -


NIP/TUCK (FX)
While I'm guessing that LOST will eventually find its way, there seems to be no hope at all left for NIP/TUCK. What a shame. Their first season was great, the second season even better. Then the 3rd season came and the CARVER storyline dominated - and while some of it worked, much of it, most of it - did not.

This season was off to a fantastic start with a great first trio of eps that succssefully re-captured the first and second season glory with storylines that were sick, slick and very mindful of the relationship between Christian and Sean being the main drive of the show. But in the last three eps, they've taken back all that good will, and I don't think they'll ever get it back. The shark circled last week, but this week it bit, and next week's installment, with Rosie O'Donnel BACK! (Jesus) again - this time with no ear - saying she's been "ear-jacked."

When did things get this bad? Why did they involve Kimber with Matt and make Matt a senseless Scientologist who hates his parents (this was particularly badly written.) Why Rosie in what amounted to the most embarrassing cameo ever written and performed? (Rosie was a lotto winner who came into money and got tons of lippo - then when she came on to the show later, she was still fat as a horse - no logic.) She had a "funny" NY accent. Ughh. Now, she's back to further fuck up this show. The Sena/Christian/Larry Hagman triangle had promise - until Christian told almost anybody who asked him that he's fucking his bosses wife - and in both cases he was blackmailed.

Worst of all, every storyline Sean finds himself in, the Mexican Drug Dealer from season 1 comes back as his alter-ego and actually inserts himself into every single scene. So, as this night-nurse storyline could've been a great one, it was reduced to bad tv, watching the smirking character actor sitting at the table - and only Sean could see him....

Might be best to bring back the Carver this year and have him kill everybody - as I don't think the show can bear to go on anymore. What a let down. Even the "gay dream sequence" where Christian imagined having a gay life with Sean - could've been GREAT had they not made it every cliche' of the lifestlye. Ryan Murphy - the writer/creator of this show is GAY - he should know a thing or two about it - not populate his shows with the most juvenile ideas about the life choice. As bad as all that is, nothing compares to the absolute HORRENDOUS acting of BROOKE SHIELDS, playing Christian's crazy therapist. I'm not fucking kidding - Brooke "Suddenly Susan - the worst fucking actress and show of all time" Shields. And she's only gotten worse. Much worse. So bad that if her scenes were burned on a pyre the stench would still make one gag decades from now.

It's time for NIP/TUCK to take one last run at being solid again. It just doesn't seem very promising.

Current Grade: D -


UGLY BETTY (ABC)

I liked it - but not enough to continue watching. Seems more like a family show. But the appeal of the star is undeniable. I saw her on Jimmy Kimmel the other night and thought she was a real cutie pie - the transformation is pretty astonishing. I wish I got into the show a little more, but I'm not a young woman. Not anymore.

Grade: C +

NEW TARANTINO MOVIE!!!!
Here is the link to the trailer for the upcoming Tarantino/Rodriguez film GRINDHOUSE. I don't remember being this excited over a film since KILL BILL rocked the house. The trailer looks fucking great and the film stock, colors, etc. - looks like this could be the film to beat. I'm actually looking forward to seeing THE DEPARTED this weekend with The Girl. I heard SHORTBUS is great and disturbing, and I hear BORAT is the funniest film ever made.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUuuBe4Glmk

They just opened two phenomenal eateries on Melrose - PINKBERRYS - the greatest yogurt store to ever live, and M CHAYA - a completely macrobiotic (whatever that means) restaurant - it's basically veggie - though apparently fish aren't included in the cruelty free scenerio, as they have plenty of sushi. Highly recommended is the Shrimp/Avocado rolls - which are really cheap and really awesome. Their cherry chocolate cupcakes have turned my C's into D's.

WIFE SWAP (ABC)
The one where the professional eater trades with the fitness trainer. A rare ep that had very little conflict, but people that actually learned from each other and had respect. Also an ep that left me in tears as the 489 pound man gave up his eating and turned to the gym with the swapped wife's help. I forgot how much I like this show. Although I am I fan of the more conflicted episodes.
Grade: B

KIDNAPPED (NBC)
I had heard it was great - had 3 set up on my dvr - then watched it - not so much. It was kind of over the top, I didn't believe much of it - and Tim Hutton's gravely voice scared my cat. And in order to buy into the actual kidnapping, you have to believe that a major shootout on the L.A. freeway would go completely unnoticed. If you have a Jones for this type of show, VANISHED is where it's at.
GRADE: D

VANISHED (FOX)
No spoilers here - but a kick ass show it is. And it's particularly well cast. Gale Harrold - RIP. I didn't see it coming.
Grade: A

HEROES (NBC)
I finally watched the pilot - a real winner. I have to watch a few more to get a real feel for the show - but quirky, original, mysterious - this could be a major franchise. I see a long running series AND theatrical films based on this idea. But I do need to see more of them before I could review this proper, but - for now:
Grade: B +

SEINFELD (DVD - SEASON 3)
"The Parking Garage"
A GREAT episode from the reinvigorated 3rd season of one of the best sitcoms of all time - THE PARKING GARAGE had a great Larry David script, great direction from Tom Cherones and a brilliant plot of the gang being stranded in a mall parking garage. Readers of this blog know how much I love the dvd presentation of the series (except the endless piracy warnings that precede every episode) - this ep has a really informative commentary, a making of docu - apparantly it was incredibly hard to shoot that garage. They had to strike all the permanent sets and build it. I found out that Kramer really WAS lugging around an air conditioner that whole time (he wanted the real weight) and that the car not starting at the end was a brilliant accident.
Grade: A +

WISEGUY "THE RAG TRADE ARC" (DVD - SEASON 2)
"7th AVENUE FREEZE OUT"
Re-watching this arc with The Girl - I forgot how hammy Ron Silver could be, and how evil Stanley Tucci could play. This was one of the series very best arcs, even though main man Ken Wahl went AWOL for this arc due to a real life broken leg. Anthony Dennison, currently on THE CLOSER and occasionally on PRISON BREAK - and a fantastic guy - is brilliant as John Raglin, who comes in to pick up the pieces after Terranova has to sit this one out.
Grade: A

I PITY THE FOOL (TV LAND)
So, Mr. T finally gets another show after A TEAM. It's fun - surprisingly funny, and it's great to see Mr. T. healthy and alive.
Grade: C +

LUNAR PARK by Brett Easton Ellis (Print)
The opening chapters were great, but this got so self - indulgent. For a minute, you think he's writing about his real life - but then a real life PATRICK BATEMAN (the murdering yuppie from Easton Ellis' AMERICAN PSYCHO shows up and starts killing people - you know this guy is a little full of himself and the self indulgence eventually kills the book. Stopped me dead by page 100.
Grade: D

SKIN CITY by Jack Sheehan (Print)
Great expose' on all things sex-trade in Vegas - lots of chapters devoted to Ashlyn Gere - a 90s porn star whose star burns forever. It doesn't tell you much you don't already know - but a fun read, anyway.
Grade: B -

MATCH POINT (DVD)
Directed by Woody Allen and starring the girl from LOST IN TRANSLATION (whose name escapes me - oh yeah, Scarlett Johannsen) - this is one of the best from the Wood Man in YEARS. The English setting does a world of good as it seems to be the first Woody movie in a while to actually feel contemporary. The story is slow and takes it's time to unwind - but builds a lot of power in the process. The story itself seems to be a deliberate re-working of the director/writer/pedophile's own CRIMES & MISDERMEANORS (one of my very favorites) but this tale takes a nastier turn. It's far from great - but it's solid - and that's a lot more then I could say about the last 5 or so films from Woody Allen. So that's a lot.
Grade: B

THE KILLERS "Tom's Room" (CD)
Lyrics like Bruce, sound like U2 - great fucking cd. Better then the first.
Grade: B +

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Continues to get even better in it's second season. No spoilers - just a great show reaching it's creative potential.
Grade: A

ROGER WATERS - IN THE FLESH (DVD)
Seeing the PHENOMINAL show at the Hollywood Bowl - one of the best shows I've ever seen, re-interested me in this Roger Waters dvd - which is excellent - has lots of WALL and DARK SIDE songs - though in my opinion, could've used a bit more from THE WALL and even THE FINAL CUT. The 5.1 mix is genius - and at this point, I think next year we're all going to get the PINK FLOYD REUNION TOUR that we've all been waiting for. At least - you would think that there's WAY too much money to be made to persuade them to get it done. Not that you could notice here, as Waters' band and backup singers recreate Floyd brilliantly.
Grade: A

30 ROCK (NBC)
It's impossible not to compare this to STUDIO 60 - but the truth is - there is no comparison. This is a much better show on every level. The script, written by Tina Fey, and her character (who knew Tina could be so fetching) was smart, funny and seemed to come from a place of reality of knowledge about late nite tv, unlike STUDIO 60 - which is even more fictional then Sorkin's White House. Sorkin doesn't want his show within a show to look dumb - he wants it to be as brilliant as the writer's he's portraying. A, the portrayals aren't as brilliant as he thinks. B, even the best late nite shows, such as SNL, are usually hit and miss - Fey seems to know this - Sorkin seems to be on mushrooms.

But back to 30 ROCK - not only is this the best new sitcom to come along in a while, but there is much to marvel at here. Alec Baldwin, from his opening line of "Phil is dead - I'm the new head of Late Night programming" is in top form. He's really a pisser. Tracey Morgan - this might be the best role he's ever had. In his own words, he's "Hilaaarious." The shot of him walking down the busy street in his boxers holding a rod and screaming "I'm a Jedi, I'm a Jedi" - he is just so fucking funny.

Which leads me to the only distracting problem of the show - Jane Kcmarackaodaddack. (Is that how she spells it?) The chick from Ally McBeal ("Snappish" was her line that she rode for 6 seasons - 2 of them actually funny.)

Here's the problem - the role was originally supposed to go the brilliantly and always funny Rachel Dracht - one of the most talented people to ever come to SNL. But the network wanted someone funny AND hot. With Jane Kckramwabvsxlck, they have neither. She's certainly not funny, and her hotness reached it's peak in NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION (where she was hot and funny - but that was 20 years ago. Seriously - 20 years ago.)

So the idea is that Fey and Jane have been partners in showbiz for decades - yet - it doesn't work because it was supposed to be Rachel Dracht in that role - which would be much funnier, much more believable - and call me crazy, but I've always thought Rachel is a pretty girl in addition to being comic gold. So now Jane is in Rachel's role, and Rachel is reduced to these semi-funny but all too quick walk on's. The problem is that along with this great show - it has to now co-exist with Jace Kcmaaricack,dqa2w3 - who is kind of talented - but is badly, badly cast here. And that is the sole problem with this show. Otherwise it's a riot, and I'll watch every episode as long as it's at least as funny as the pilot.

Grade: B + (would've gotten an A if not for Jane KCdaearsdlkrjwe30985234mai8ck.)

TIME WASTER HERE:
For a truly addictive way to waste some time, play the online version of DEAL OR NO DEAL - I literally just won a million dollars! In fake money!
http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/game/flash.shtml

THE MEL GIBSON INTERVIEW (ABC GOOD MORNING AMERICA)
He seemed awfully defensive, embarressed - and he's still blaming the Jews! I swear. He better make another LETHAL WEAPON movie fast and just keep his mouth shut. Or he should start talking in that Aremeic language - that might be best. His interview, I think, probably made things worse. Now he looks like a certified nut sack.


NEW ADDITION TO THE BLOG!
You all know my good friend and media consultant, Anthony, who does some reviews here from time to time. But now Anthony has agreed to do a mostly weekly roundup of the ratings that will now be called:


ANTHONY'S RATINGS ROUNDUP
by Anthony.

Now that the dust has settled a bit, we have a view of the ratings landscape - and the networks are already making moves for November. However, some of these moves appear premature to us - and some don't make sense. Here's a network-by-network look at what's going on - and our take on it:

ABC

"Lost" seems to be lost. The one time ratings giant has fallen very quickly (keep in mind we're only in the beginning of season 3) - and we're seeing year-to-year erosion of 25% or more. While the American viewing public has shown they will stay invested in serialized dramas - how long can one go? A lot of these shows were done because of the success of Fox's "24" - but the brilliant producers of "24" are smart enough to know that they keep us for 22-24 episodes - but could you imagine if "24" was still fighting the battle from season one.
We predict ABC will re-tool the falling drama when it returns from its planned hiatus after November sweeps - and if they don't - we think "Lost" could be in real trouble by the end of season 4.

Besides the erosion of "Lost" this year, ABC hasn't been able to gain any kind of momentum with their new dramas "The Nine" or "Six Degrees." The latter will probably be h-i-s-t-o-r-y prior to November sweeps - and ABC needs to find the backup troops real quickly here. We were fans of "Commander In Chief" - and think the network pulled the plug way too early last year.

While ABC has been toward the top of the heap in the 18-49 battle, don't expect that to last much longer. Fox's baseball is over soon - and along with "Lost" - "Desperate Housewives" isn't the smash it used to be.

ABC may want to consider doing two runs of "Dancing With The Stars" - if at all possible.

CBS
For the most part, CBS looks to be in the best position. Their procedural dramas repeat well and they have a new hit in "Jericho" and some potential with "Shark." Their Wednesday and Friday drama blocks perform well 18-49.

CBS is still looking for another breakout comedy on Monday - although we personally think "The Class" is the best new comedy in years. It may, however, be too sophisticated for CBS's rural audience.

CBS is still looking to replace "Judging Amy" (which we thought was canceled prematurely) on Tuesday ... They may just want to move "The Unit" there and find another drama to run at 9pm.

FOX
Fox is playing it cool, waiting for the "American Idol" to return in January. In the meantime, they still need a 9:30 show for Sunday.

Of the new Fox shows "Justice" seems to have the best shot at longevity because it is self contained, although we are VERY big fans of VANISHED.

At this point, Fox still needs to cure it's Thursday ills. And with ABC and CBS so strong on that, there's not many scraps left...

NBC
This is the network that we feel has the right pieces - but in the wrong place.

It's very clear that the "Law & Order" trio are not what they used to be ratings wise (although we find the underrated "SVU" to be creatively as strong as ever). NBC made a mistake moving the flagship "L&O" off on Wednesday night - and NBC announced that they are going to take the cult favorite (and pretty well rated) "Medium" and throw it into the Wednesday frying pan.

Our move would be to take "Medium" and pair it with the similarly sci-fi themed "Heroes" on Monday (especially since the show was successful there the last two seasons). "Heroes" is the biggest new show of the season and the overrated "Studio 60" is losing a ton of audience each week.

NBC has done ok on Tuesday from 9-11pm with the two "Law & Order" spinoffs but can't seem to find any luck at 8pm - and we anticipate things won't get better once "American Idol" gets rolling. NBC would probably be best served to counter program and fill that slot with "Dateline NBC."

NBC used to have a decent lineup on Wednesday - but the moves of "The West Wing" and "Law & Order" have turned the night over to CBS and ABC. Getting that audience back won't be easy.

We would take the second installment of "Deal Or No Deal" and shift it to Wednesday at 8pm once "Dancing With The Stars" is done. We would follow it at 9pm with the venerable "Crossing Jordan" - which would pick up some steam while "Lost" is on hiatus. We then bring the original "Law & Order" back to 10pm - creating a night of established brands.

ABC and CBS pretty much own Thursday - although NBC's "ER" (which has really come on creatively lately) - is pulling solid numbers at 10:00. NBC is smart to counter program with comedies - and should continue to do so.

NBC has two comedies in "The Office" and "My Name Is Earl" that perform relatively well. The network should bring "Scrubs" back and find one other comedy and make a block from 8:00-10:00. While none of these comedies remind us of "Cosby," "Cheers" or "Seinfeld," they definitely do help NBC counter program the heavy drama night on the other networks.

On Friday, the first week of "1 vs. 100" was strong - and NBC should use the show to lead off the night. "Las Vegas" should do well at 9pm - and that opens up 10pm for "Studio 60" - which we would relocate there.

THE BACHELOR rules and STUDIO 60 sucks!

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Weeds SCORES with a great ep including Snoop Dogg, MILF WEED, and some very hairy changing to an old acquaintance.
Grade: A

THE BACHELOR (ABC)
Another great installment. I love the girl with the angry/pouty face. And Erica, the "princess" is a total trip. I love when she said "that girl didn't go to college so you won't be able to talk to her about anything." When the bachelor was taken aback by her meanness, she simply replied "Sorry. I judge." Then when she didn't get her rose during dinner she completely fell apart. The girl form Italy is adorable. I love the girl who keeps calling him "baby" - I keep waiting for her to say "Shagadelic." And then there was the blonde who fell asleep - the camera operator did her no favors by literally shooting right up her nose - the bachelor awoke her - and she LITERALLY started talking sleepy gibberish which was funny - and to top it all off - she thought for a few minutes, in her stupor, that the bachelor was her waiter and was lambasting him for waking her up. She did not receive a rose. Go figure. This is one of the best seasons of THE BACHELOR ever.
Grade: B +

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Episode 2 continues down the same creepy path, and I'm loving it.
Grade: A

STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP (NBC)
What a weird show. On one hand, there's the Sorkin rapid-fire dialog to marvel at - but on the other - what the fuck planet is this show from? The "comedy" show they put on seems to be the worst show ever put on the air in the history of television. The "jokes" they come up with wouldn't even get on MAD TV. I mean - who are they kidding? And now even the drama is forced - Chandler's attraction to the blond Christian girl is so ridiculous - his going to the dancers to get advice was mind numbingly dumb - and they have DAWN from THE OFFICE BBC there in the writer's room and don't give her anything to do! But she does look fetching. Oh, Tim. Anyway - this show appears headed for the rails. I loved how they went to their faux "UPDATE" and the actors were so unfunny - I mean, Nick Cage and Juliette Lewis impressions would be funny in 2006? Wow - yet, as I berate the show, I also find it somewhat compulsively watchable - and that's my problem - for now. Most ridiculous was the reporter (Christine Lahti) who appeared to be covering the Iraqi war. This show....kinda sucks in a good way - but I suspect will soon start sucking completely.
Grade: C

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (CW)
I can't believe they let that gorgeous black girl go - but she was a real jerk - which lead me to believe she'd be sticking around a while longer. I REALLY like the twins. Tyra's self-promotion, self-talk, constant references to herself and her REALLY BAD "acting" on all shows Tyra - they have got to stop NOW. Tyra used to be the level head on this show - now she's the biggest.
Grade: B -
FOR THOSE KEEPING UP - I think I lost the weight competition.

Why does IN DEMAND keep running promos for LOVE SONG FOR BOBBY LONG like it just came out yesterday and is the biggest hit of the season? I could actually quote the promo for it at this point - "I'm just a girl - don't you get it!!!!"

HOWARD STERN ON DEMAND remains one of the funniest things on tv.

One of my favorite sites is back up - go here for ZENtertainment!

http://www.zentertainment.com/blog/

WINDY CITY HEAT (DVD)
For those who didn't read my last column, WINDY CITY has been released on DVD. Only rent or buy if you want to watch the funniest movie of the last 4 years.
Grade: A +

E.R. (NBC)
Keeps chugging along. This week John Stamos joined the cast and John Mahoney was fantastic as a gay man who's live partner ends up in the hospital. 13 years later, this show still earns itself a solid:
Grade: A

THE OFFICE (NBC)
Dwight uproots Michael for the prime gig in the office. I didn't really buy it - thought this was a rare ep that didn't really stay true to the format - and any episode that's DWIGHT-CENTRIC is always going to be over the top. On the other hand - the stuff with Jim and that video game he was playing and all the scenes built around it - gold.
Grade: B -


ROGER WATERS AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL (THURSDAY NITE)
Nothing short of spectacular and one of the best shows I've seen in FOREVER. This was a truly epic retelling of much of the THE WALL and he then played DARK SIDE in it's entirety - complete with 6.1 like sound thought out the venue, and with imagery and great voice - this WAS a Pink Floyd concert and it truly came off perfect. Highly reccomended.
Grade: A +

From time to time, my old friend Anthony, both my ex-boss at SAM GOODY and now a media consultant - gives his reviews on the current crop. Again , these are not mine, but ANTHONY'S REVIEWS and the comment page should reflect if u're talking about my reviews or Anthony's. But he always offers a valuable contrast to my opinion and I'm glad to share his views - he also watches a lot of shows I don't see - so here goes Anthony:

ANTHONY'S REVIEWS:

THE CLASS
I am shocked at how the show hasn't caught on. However, I just wonder if it is simply too sophisticated for CBS's more rural, older audience. I find myself down to only a handful of comedies (three of them are animated). This is definitely one of the best new shows in years. The cast is terrific, and it balances comedy and emotion very well. Glad to see CBS swap it with the not as funny - but still good "How I Met Your Mother"
Grade: A

BROTHERS & SISTERS
Speaking of exceptional casts, ABC landed a strong one here. However, as a big fan of "Picket Fences" - and of Tom Skerritt, I think the show would've been much stronger had he not died in the first episode. A big waste of a talented actor. Despite all the upheavel that apparently has gone on behind the scenes, it sure did not show in the finished product.
Grade: A-

JUSTICE
David is correct that this show does a nice job of telling its story in an hour. And, you definitely feel the payoff when you find out the real deal at the end of the episode. So far, I have yet to be disappointed and Garber is strong in the lead. Glad to see Fox move it to Monday.
Grade: B+

STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP
As someone who was always thought that "The West Wing" was overrated (that is until NBC booted Sorkin's ass out of there and it turned into a great show), I kind of feel the same with "Studio 60." A lot of hype and critical praise. I didn't care too much for the pilot - but I did think the second episode came back better. The cast is solid - but Sorkin tends to lose me because he takes himself way too seriously.
Grade: C

THE NINE
I guess the theme for the new fall shows is generally some strong casts - and this show is no exception. Because I only saw the pilot - and I thought it was just OK - I will reserve judgment ... Right now it's a Grade: C, but check back,

SIX DEGREES
I think a weak cast full of characters who no one could care less about will doom this show. Ratings have been nothing short of a disaster - and I don't expect to see it last into November. I like the concept - but not the execution.
Grade: D


RUNAWAY
I really like the premise here and Wahlberg and Hope are strong as the parents. But the CW made a big mistake in not keeping "Everwood" as a back up show. This show has a little bit too much bite to follow the campy "7th Heaven." Like the show, but it will be gone soon.
Grade: B


UGLY BETTY
Only saw the pilot and I think it has potential. Want to see how the other characters develop. It is sort of early to judge it so I will give it an incomplete.

Grade: C

KIDNAPPED
NBC stuck this marvelous show in a bad slot on Wednesday against heavy competition - and with a horrible lead-in. When they re-ran the pilot on Saturday - it almost garnered similar numbers to Wednesday. Now that NBC has shut production and moved the show to Saturday, I am hoping that we will at least be able to see it wrap up. I think this was a good show lost in the shuffle of similarly themed programming.
Grade: A-

JERICHO
The critics kept saying this show would be an early goner - and as I expected, it has surprised many. Granted, it will have its work cut out for it when "Idol" and company return - but I fully expect it to have a loyal audience. We're still learning the characters but I hope to see it flesh out.
Grade: B

LOST premieres - what happened!

BACHELOR: PARIS (ABC)
What a premiere. The "bachelor" in question seems like a real shchmendrick - I can't vouch for this but I hear he's no prince - he's just a normal guy with royal lineage who lives in a one bedroom condo in NY. While I don't think he's Brad Pitt, he does seem a little goofy, way over his head - and actually seems like a really nice guy. The girls are a great mix of lunatics (mostly.) Some of them seem very sweet - and I can't wait till next week when everybody is at each other's throats.
Grade: B

DEXTER ( SHOWTIME)
An excellent new hour from Showtime that posits Michael C. Hall (6 FEET UNDER) as a Forensics expert who has a girlfriend and a secret double life in which he serial kills the bad guys that got away. If that sounds gimmicky - it plays really well - Michael Hall is a GREAT actor, the supporting roles are mostly well cast - the dialog original and quirky - and a great, creepy vibe. This is a completely solid new show and maybe the best show SHOWTIME has ever given us. Makes a very nice companion with WEEDS.
Grade: A

THE SHIELD (SEASON 2 DVD SET)
So - me and the girl finished season 2 - the money train went down and there is this great shot of all the strike team looking at the loot - great finish to a fun season - but looking forward to future seasons - as 3,4 & 5 kept getting progressively better.
Grade for season 2: A -

SHOPGIRL (DVD)
A very slow but completely absorbing straight forward drama about a girl (Scarlett Johansen) who sees two very different guys - the kid from RUSHMORE and Steve Martin, who plays a very rich man who is mostly interested in sex. No real surprises, but recommended
Grade: B -

THE WIRE (HBO)
Keeps getting better - so bleak, moving, funny, sad - God, I'm glad I got in on this at the beginning. After it's gone there will likely never be a show like it again. What it revealed this week about the Baltimore school system was deplorable.
Grade: A

PRISON BREAK (FOX)
I hate to give out spoilers - but suffice it to say that this is one of the most twisty, inventive action dramas out there. It works the same way 24 does in terms of adrenalin - but it has it's own vibe - and this season is turning very nasty. This last ep, where the gang tries to dig up some money located in a garage - was a stunner on many levels. Kudos.
Grade: B +

LOST (ABC - SEASON PREMIERE)

Season 2 ended on a fantastic note.
The promos promised the opening of season 3 would BLOW OUR MIND.
Uh huh.
Grade: C -

NIP/TUCK (FX)
The season had been going SO nicely - then Rosie O'Donnel shows up - has TONS of LIPPO - yet remains huge. She was terrible - her storyline could've been good had they not played for really bad laughs. The stuff with Matt and Kimber is RETARDED, and - on an obscure note - do you remember that really awful music they played during the CARVER finale? That really MIAMI sound? For some reason - they are now putting this samba music into every single episode - wow - I was really into the new season and then last nite - that shark just keeps swimming around the edges. This was truly the worst episode not only of the season, but one of the worst of the series. And why did Christian just give away to that lady that he's sleeping with the married woman and then he was SHOCKED that she used the info to blackmail him. Wow. This was about as bad as it gets.
Grade: D

WINDY CITY HEAT (DVD)

Finally - one of my favorite movies of all time is released on dvd. There are plenty of extras - but the film itself remains the brilliant centerpiece. Thank Comedy Central for putting together such a nice package and the extras are plentiful. I can't really describe this film - only to say in it's own way - it's as good as CITIZEN CANE.
Grade: A +

THE CAPTAIN AND THE KID

LOST (2nd SEASON DVD SET)

Just finished the 2nd season - and I loved it. I have one major problem - I've said this before - but the flashback with the Shrink that Hurley had been getting close to (who has her own problems in the season ender) WAS shown in Hurley's mental ward to be a babbling idiot, giving a lot of creedance to the theory that the whole thing is based in Hurley's mind. I they need to address that flashback in season 3 - otherwise - I look forward to getting LOST on a weekly basis now that I'm all caught up.
Grade: A


ELTON JOHN: THE CAPTAIN & THE KID (CD)
There's no bigger EJ fan then I - and I've LOVED the last 2 cds, SONGS FROM THE WEST
COAST, and PEACHTREE ROAD. So when I heard that a 20 year later sequel to CAPTAIN FANTASTIC was in the works - I expected some great old school Elton - which sad to report - this is and it isn't. If the Elton of HONKY CAT is your cup of tea, then you might love this cd. If you're looking for things like the title track or SOMEONE SAVE MY LIFE TONITE - you won't find anything remotely close. There are a couple of ballads here that work - but overall, a major disappointment from a man who rarely disappoints. And whatever happened to the planned RED PIANO DVD?
Grade: C


DUST TO DUST: THE EFFECTS OF 9/11 (SUNDANCE)
Narrated by Steve Buscemi. A heartbreaking account of the police and firefighters who were at ground zero - then later turn up with cancer due to all the toxins in the air. It seems that the government didn't want to alarm people, so they hid the fact that breathing in the air would make you eventually sick - but it's unclear how much they really knew. A horrible story all around.
Grade: A

PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Keeps on going. This last episode was great, with T-Bag thinking he was about to get some - and then the lusty blonde calling for "the big one who doesn't speak."
Grade: B

SOUTH PARK (COMEDY CENTRAL)
"Ginger Kids" Like a lot of South Park's - starts with a really strong premise - then goes to a dumber place. This was one of those.
Grade: B -

THE OFFICE (NBC)
As the 3rd season opens, the show still isn't THE OFFICE BBC - but this is one of the best comedies on the schedule. The episode where Michael and Dwight go the convention and see Jim was great. Steve Carrell might take over the world.
Grade: B +
CHATEAU MARMONT (SUNSET STRIP)
I recently had the pleasure of staying at the famous hotel for a few days as The Girl booked us into the Marmont for her birthday weekend. If you have the time and money - the Marmont is great in precisely the opposite way that the STANDARD is great - staying at the Chateau is like staying in a old school NY apartment. With modern touches and a great vibe, if expensive bill.
Grade: A

STERN TV: 9/11 (In Demand)
Great rebroadcast of Stern's 9/11 broadcast. One minute he's talking about Pam Anderson's breasts and then they get news of the WTC report and the remarkable thing is how angry and scared the cast is - but also - how funny Howard remains in the face of this. One of the best broadcasts in the history of Radio - brought alive by the cameras and new testimonials from all the participants.
Grade: A +

JUSTICE (ABC)
About as exciting as you can make a one hour show about a single case. It's kind of like the CSI of law shows - and the endings - in which you are shown the actual crime - are riveting. The cast is pretty excellent as well - particularly Victor Gabor - though I'm not too fond of that kid from DAWSON'S CREEK.
UPDATE: Okay, I just watched the episode about the mother who died on the roller coaster - that was an exceptional episode and even that annoying kid was really good. This show is getting better.
Grade: B - to a B +

STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP (NBC)
A truly solid, entertaining show. Although, Sorkin seems to take this show as seriously as THE WEST WING - when it's really just a comedy show - and as much as I liked the preceding hour, they ended with "THE COLD OPEN." A musical number meant to lambast tv and show what a subversive show they run - yet that sketch would not even make it on the worst sketch show, ever. I'm thinking maybe they should leave scenes of the actual show within a show out of the actual show. Also - that clock in the office that counts down the time between shows - a little too doomsday for me though it's a terrific device. But this is a variety show they're producing, not 24. Still - this is one of the better new shows around and I hope it stays.
Grade: B

THE CONTENDER (ESPN)
This show moved from NBC to ESPN, and I think it works better on that channel. I just watched the first 5 eps of the second season. It still works really well - although the lack of Stallone's presence is felt. Yet - he might've been too busy shooting ROCKY BALBOA for December. In any case - it's an inspirational show that usually has a surprise ending. I love the way the fights are filmed and Sugar Ray Leonard makes for a great, knowledgeable host. Addictive.
Grade: B +
UPDATE: So - I watched the rest of the episodes, and it was a great run, with a great, suprising and deserving winner. I have only one complaint - the final bouts are fun live and veer away from the editing that makes the series so fun. Resulting in very boring final matches. Still - this is really good sports show and one that people should like whether or not they're into boxing.
FULL SEASON GRADE: B


UNITED 93 (DVD)
A great film I won't reveal too much about. The director ratchets up the tension for a good hour before we cut to the action on the plane - and you can't shake the feeling that you're watching a documentary rather then a film - but many of the air-traffic controllers play themselves, and the way 9/11 unfolded is great, sad drama. A must - see. Great sound and picture and plenty of extras.
Grade: A
SPRINKLES CUPCAKES (food!)
If you have not tried these - do so at once. These are the best sugary confections in town. They're located in LA and the best reason to break your diet. At your next birthday, forget buying a cake - get 2 dozen of these - look out for the best flavor: RED VELVET.
Grade: A+

FLAVA OF LOVE (VH1)
The penultimate episode featured New York and her mother, who reminded me a lot of Carrie White's mom in CARRIE. This is reportedly the last season of FLAVA and I will miss it greatly - but all good things must come to an end. Who will win the heart of Flav? Will it be NEW YORK or DELICIOUS? I have no idea - but New York seems headed for a major meltdown.
Grade: A


SMITH (FOX)
As cool as a cucumber - this show is sleek, proficient and in Ray Liotta, sports a great lead. Also of note - Frankie G. and Chris Bauer of the late, great JONNY ZERO are here - making it a reunion of sorts. Wells & Co. have done it again. Extra points for the amazing soundtrack.
Grade: A +

SNL w/DANE COOK (season premiere)
Lame. Completely. With the sole exception of the digital short - CUBICLE. And Seth Myers addition to the WEEKEND UPDATE - well, about as funny as Seth Myers - meaning not funny at all. The KILLERS were good, though.
Grade: D -