The Pala Casino Rocks!

ADAM SANDLER hosts LETTERMAN (CBS)
Adam's funniest hour in years, filling in for a sick Letterman. Sandler was funny, warm, insightful - talked about his kids, had Don Cheadle take Letterman's desk and interview him - kibitzed with Paul - this was The Sandman at his very best.
Grade: A

DATELINE: TO CATCH AN EMAIL PREDATOR (NBC)
Chris Hanson changes his targes from perverts to those assholes on the web who try to rip you off. The one guy that came for half a billion was priceless. Chris Hanson is the new Superman.
Grade: B +

GREY'S ANATOMY (2nd SEASON DVD)
So - I watched the first few eps - it's okay - not bad at all - nothing great. But no evidence I saw that warrants watching the rest. It's sort of a safe, well-written, well-acted but never really suprising and more then occasionally cloying show. And I'm done.
Grade: C

ROGER WATERS IN CONCERT

Far be it for me to promote an upcoming concert, but ROGER WATERS is playing here in June and I went over the summer with Tony B. and his family at the HOLLYWOOD BOWL show - and it was easily one of the best concerts I'd been to in my life. It's basically the Pink Floyd show superbly renedered with lazer shows and the whole vibe of that band. If you can see it in June, go here to get tickets:
http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/09003E50E5A4739D

THE HONEYMOONERS (REMAKE) - (HBO)
Cedric the Entertainer and some other people ruin THE HONEYMOONERS. Beyond bad, beyond embarressing - just beyond.
Grade: F

DUANE HOPWOOD (HBO)
A movie with David Schwimmer and Janine Garafolo. Schwimmer tries to be a "dumb guy" by saying things like "With all due respect and stuff" - he plays an alchoholic pit boss. From the 12 minutes I saw - one of the worst ever produced.
Grade: F

DEBBIE DOES DALLAS AGAIN (SHOWTIME)
Another SHOWTIME stab at documenting the porn biz. This follows FAMILY BIZ - the Seymour Butts show about porn that seemed more scripted then THE HONEYMOONERS. This is more of the same - a bit more fun, I'd have enough of "cousin Stevie" and his bad scripted schtick. But this one is defintely better - Paul Thomas - the former porn star turned REALLY insane director is funny - but again - SHOWTIME has no interest in the shame, the reality or the moral questions of people who fuck on film. They just posit it as yet another career a beautiful young girl or guy can choose. On some level, I appreciate the non-judmental tone - on another - I miss seeingwhat these people actually think about when they go home. The whole show is really just a big promo for the upcoming Vivid release - DEBBIE DOES DALLAS AGAIN. For whatever it's worth - DEBBIE DOES DALLAS - the late 70s porn flick that became a sensation - is a legitmately fun movie to watch that - in abundance to laughable acting - is actually a sexy movie. To see this horribly overproduced porn movie and have the producers talk about it as if it's the second coming (no pun intended) - I don't know - it's ok. They don't even seem to know HOW to recapture the style of that old movie. I know II have no desire to see the remake. But if somebody gave it to me - who knows?
Grade: C +


THE SHOWBIZ SHOW W/DAVID SPADE (COM)
David is getting old and chubby - and still pretty hilarious. Particularly on RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. This show - kind of like a tired retread of BEST WEEK EVER, which I like. I'm pretty sure you can skip this one unless you can't live without David Spade.
Grade: D


THE JANICE DICKINSON MODELING AGENCY (OXY)
Been slowly checking out the 2nd season off my DVR - I like it. I particularly liked that 18 year old girl beauty who refused to work out and got really arrogant about drinking soda and eating french fries.


I'm saving up LOST and 24 on DVR and will review the latest batch of eps at some future point. They've both been so fucking lousy that I think they might benefit from a longer length - I don't know - I've almost given up hope for both.


I can't say how much I love the PALA CASINO in San Diego. I went to see Meatloaf there about a month ago (part 2 of that story will come next week) - and lost my watch. VIRGINIA from LOST & FOUND called me yesterday because they found my watch in the room - it was a truly treasured present from The Girl. I had written off my beloved Zodiac watch - and their calling me to have found it was a rare moment of grace in this cold, hard world.
THE PALA CASINO: A+

CASINO ROYALE (DVD)
Daniel Craig is an awesome Bond. This is a much grittier film then the previous outtings - but I fell dead asleep halfway thru - probably due to the never ending poker games in the movie - I'm not kidding - many of the plot points have to do purely with the game of poker. I didn't get to watch the whole dvd, but I heard there's a great GIRLS OF BOND segment on there.
Grade: B +


SNL: PEYTON MANNING (NBC)

One of the worst in the show's 30 year history. Even the great Amy Poehler couldn't save her lame ass sketches. By the way, BRONX TALK is a retread of the decade earlier, MUCH funnier COFFEE TALK - this version sucks and it's disheartening that they rip themselves off so badly and with such little success.
Grade: F

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY (?)
I don't know what network ran this - I can just tell you that David Arquette was the only recognizable face - and it took me all of 18 seconds to figure out this was complete utter shite.

MEATLOAF LIVE IN SAN DIEGO!

ROCKY BALBOA (DVD)

Awesome. If you loved the movie - the final chapter in the Balboa saga, you will fucking LOVE this film. It plays more like the first two, with a slow first half and then a heart racing second half leading to the big fight. But this film is much less about the fight than the spiritual quest Balboa is on. If that sounds lame - blame me - the movie is great. The DVD is loaded with tasty extras - a blooper reel - a 20 minute docu on the making of -- another 20 minute docu on the fight scenes - a mini-doc on the computer fight in the film, awesome Stallone commentary on the film itself, and a treasure trove of deleted scenes (all good in their own way - all probably best left on cutting room floor - and an alternate ending that has the fight going a different way (it doesn't work nearly as well as the one they went with.) A must see.
MOVIE: A +

DVD EXTRAS: A

(we could've used Stallone's commentary on the deleted scenes and why he deleted them.

Mark G. Waldman - friend to this blog - uncovered this GEM of David O. Russel going off on Lily Tomlin during rehearsal. CRAZY.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LzqjimUs2RU

AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
Sanjaya went all the way! But Blake Lewis was pretty damn good with "She's Not There."

PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Another stellar outting. This has got to be the most exciting drama on TV right now. No spoilers, but this is really becoming an event. I have no idea what the ratings are - and the performance of William Fichter is getting better every week.
Grade: A +


The new promos for the Tarantino/Rodriguez GRINDHOUSE look absolutely amazing.


If you haven't seen THE DEVIL'S REJECTS (unrated) do so at once.


DANCING WITH THE STARS (ABC)
Cliff Claven looked dashing. Leeza Gibbons was literally as stiff as a board - and the show was simply all about Heather Mills. I'm not sure what I'm more interested in - her prosthetic leg or the fact that she might be the meanest woman in England.


I LOVE NY (VH1)
Chance is ridiculous - he basically sealed that disgusting deal with NY's mom (that kiss was revolting) and I'm not sure what young Tiffany is thinking - because she's using a network dating show to go out with a real 3rd rate hood. Real and Tango would be great choices, but I'm pretty sure NY is way too stupid to ever realize that.
Grade: B


LOST (ABC)
Wow - I started to watch last week's episode and I just had no interest left in the show. If I knew it was ending next year and that everything started to count dramatically - I think I'd redevelop my interest - but it just seems like continually opening doors that never lead to anything - and is now becoming a bit of a cliche of itself.

Grade: C -

LALA'S ON MELROSE
If you like skirt steak and rice - this is the place. Good steak, chicken - in the same league more or less as GAUCHO GRILL (really good) and Bossa Nova (Great) - somewhere in between those two places. Reasonably priced with good service.
Grade: B

KITANO'S on SUNSET
I ate here Sunday night for my friend Jeff's b-day - was probably one of the all time best dinners I've had in FOREVER. Pricey and fancy - they have asparagus wrapped fillet Mignon that will melt in your mouth.
It's a bit of a scene and you don't just go for a quickie - but it's the richest meal i've had in ages. Happy B-Day Cranky Franky!
Grade: A +


THE SURREAL LIFE FAME GAMES (VH1)
I can't really remember what happened - I think Vanilla Ice got really mad like every week - that's all I remember.


SNL: JULIA LOUIE DREYFUSS (NBC)
Bad. Really bad.


HOWARD ON DEMAND: (IN DEMAND TV)
HOWARD TV: THE SIRIUS/XM MERGER
Was a pretty interesting discussion about whether this proposed merger will get to happen, due to the fact that it can be interpreted as a monopoly.
Grade: B

HOWARD TV: JACKIE'S RETURN!
I heard this on the radio the other day but the video was much more interesting. I had no idea Fred harbored so much resentment, but they all still clearly love and loathe each other. If Artie were to leave, I personally think it would be a cheat to the fans to keep Jackie out of that chair. As much as some of the Artie fans will protest (and I'm one of them - i LOVE Artie) - but if he decides to leave - Put Jackie in there for a few months and see how it goes.


HOWARD TV: THE SYBIAN DOCUMENTARY
For those not in the know - the SYBIAN is the orgasm machine in Howard's studio that he gets girls to ride on and hopefuly climax in the studio. This has happened a shocking number of times. Surprisingly well put together 90 minute docu - with PLENTY of footage of Stern & co - and many of the famous Sybian riders. not a must - but it's good. If a little long.
Grade: B -

ADDICTION: CRACKED, BUT NOT BROKEN (HBO)
A documentary on HBO and HBO ON DEMAND thatoffers a portrait of a very pretty 30ish crack whore operating from her Vancouver hotel, fielding prostitution calls while scheming to get more crack and making crack to inject as she's on the phone. Her attitude about it all is so non chalant and rather intellectual you'd think she'd make better choices. The scare sad thing is that she's in a hamster trail chasing herself unless she really wakes up. This is a shame because this woman seems like a real firecracker. I know that sounds weird - but I think if she got off crack she'd actually be okay. This docu is shot in absolute realism.
Grade: A


ARCADE FIRE: (CD)
The new CD is da bomb. Check some tunes out on YOUTUBE and have fun. I've been listening for 2 weeks.
Grade: B


EDMOND (HBO)
The David Mamet play directed for the screen by RE-ANIMATOR director Stuart Gordon - this played even better than the first time I saw it. Bill Macy is frighteningly good in the role and Joe Montegna is superb in his small but prophetic role. While the FALLING DOWN path is familiar, this tale had some nastier aspects that the Joel Shumacker wouldn't dare touch.
Grade: B +


BULLY (DVD)
Re watched this GREAT Larry Clarke film, based on a true story about sex, sleaze, squalor and murder in the teenage set in Hollywood, Fla. Shot, edited and acted brilliantly - this is a completely worthy follow up to KIDS, if not an even better film. Though I really love KIDS for it's lack of story and focus on the kids in their day to activities. In fact KIDS, BULLY and KEN PARK is a one of a kind film trilogy of Larry Clarke that I fully recommend. ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE, the heist film with James Woods and Melanie Griffith is a good film, but not in this category. His latest, WUSSUP ROCKERS, for me, was his first serious misfire.
But BULLY - solid gold.
Grade: A +
The other Larry Clarke Movies:
KIDS: A +
ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE: B -

KEN PARK: B +
WUSSUP ROCKERS: C


My friend JAKE turned me on to this - i don't know why but it's kind of addicting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVMOHJXYI8I


I just started watching THE JANICE DICKINSON MODELING AGENCY marathon on OXY. So far, so good. Janice was so insane on SURREAL LIFE but seems kind of in control on this.

THE REAL WORLD: COLORADO (MTV)
The penultimate episode reminded us all that Jen had a boyfriend. Jen has been a real ho' this season - and by the episode's end, she was a ho' once more!
Grade: B -


THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXY)
Is starting to get a little boring after a great start. That girl leaving stripping and leaving the house because the other girls weren't doing anything productive? Give me a fat fucking break. Good riddance, Danielle. Fix thyself - don't look to your housemates to do it - and hurry back to that dancer's pole, where I suspect you'll be headed next. And as far as the visit from Zara's boyfriend - BORING. Lastly, the girls visited TYRA this week - I guess BAD GIRLS has become the highest rated show on OXYGEN - it was fun - Tyra was her usual moronic self - but I liked seeing the ladies made up for TV. Jodie kept switching from beautiful to man-like.
Grade: B


THE STERN SHOW (Sirius)
JACKIE RETURNS!
Jackie "the jokeman" Martling returns to plug an appearance and ends up spending over an hour in the studio with the guy, reminiscing, busting balls - it was like he never left. I even liked his interaction with Artie. Benji's sour grapes aside (he's probably afraid he'd be fired if Jackie came back) - this was a GREAT blast from the past, and with all this talk about Artie leaving - look, I'd be crushed if Artie left because in many ways - he's as much a voice of the show as Howard these days. At the same point, If Artie ever leaves, I personally think it's a no brainer to bring Jackie back. Some of them will scream - but ultimately - it's like THE POLICE or VAN HALEN - people would really respond to the old group being back and this blog would support that 100 percent.
Jackie's grade: A +


SOUTH PARK (COM)
Cartman takes a picture of Butters penis in his mouth to show the world....I can't explain this. Just see it immediately. The new South Park episodes are funnier then ever.
Grade: A


RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (CBS)
Still funny. Still hate the two leads.


JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE (ABC)
I caught a very funny repeat last night - they had a very funny sketch about TO CATCH A PREDATOR that had Chris Elliot and Jimmy re-enacting all the details of the real show. Later, Jimmy had on Jackie Earle Haley Jr. (of both BAD NEWS BEARS and LITTLE CHILDREN fame.) Jimmy had a great chemistry with Jackie Earle and it was a great thing to see him interviewed after all this time. I have my very own Jackie Earle Haley Jr. story. When I was I was about 17, I worked in Woodland Hills at the SAM GOODY VIDEO. I was the manager of the video section and this guy - he always looked a little familiar, walked in. He was this scrawny little guy who always had this very hot blond on his arm. We used to joke in the store about the "mismatch." (I was 17.) Anyway - one day I looked at him, and then blurted out "you're Kelly from the BAD NEWS BEARS." He was devastated - he really didn't want to deal with it. He told me he was headed to Vegas to try and get a production company going - and I learned on Jimmy that he eventually did and was happy for him - because he was really a nice guy and I'm really glad about his recent success.


THE COMEDIANS OF COMEDY (HBO)
Is a really good tour movie of three talented comedians. Brian Phelan from SARAH SILVERMAN, Patton Oswalt from KING OF QUEENS and some other comics. Better then the onstage stuff was just listening to the comics talk abou their lives. Brian was particularly interesting.

AFTER WEEKS OF PROMO-ING - IT'S HERE:

THE MEATLOAF SHOW !!!

(San Palo Casino - 2 weeks ago)
So me and my friend Steven G. went down to San Diego to see the Meat Man live. The San Palo casino is an interesting place. We got there around 3 pm after driving (a drive in which I somehow lost the nicest watch ever given to me in my life) for around 3 hours to San Diego - but it's not quite San Diego - it's kind of in the middle of nowhere. And they do these vintage shows - next week they have Huey Lewis - then Taylor Hicks - they had Cyndi Lauper - it's a weird thing. They must only have about 5 thousand seats - but between the price (about 70 bux a ticket) and the people staying at the hotel for the show - it can probably be a very lucrative one night gig.

Word of warning - DON'T play at the San Pala casino. I don't know what or how they did it - but every single game is engineered to have the dealer win. I lost way too much money in almost no time at all. I think Steven lost a hundred in five minutes and decided to stop. I'm not saying there's something illegal going on there - but I didn't see anybody winning at any point there during my stay. I would never say their games of chance are fixed, but it certainly does seem impossible to win at any given game there. I don't know how that happens. There is no way I could've played the range of games I did and not win a single hand of anything. I'm sure it was bad luck...but it sure seemed strange. Even for a casino.

Anyway - on to the show. I will say that despite their healthy earnings in the gaming room, it was nice surprise that the restaurants within the casino/hotel were shockingly good. Me and Steven had a first rate pizza and pasta dinner and an even better breakfast the next day. The accommodations were pretty nice. There are plenty of worse places to spend your weekend. I would definitely not advise gambling there, however. But other than the casino that never loses, the place was pretty nice.

The show began at 7 30 pm so we got there at 7 and i bought a great Meatloaf hoodie with the SEIZE THE NIGHT TOUR on the front and a MEATLOAF logo on the back. They were also selling a book written by Meat called TO HELL & BACK that I've never seen anywhere else.

The concert hall was pretty amusing - a small stage, a wedding style bar and 5,000 banquet chairs. On line, someone said to me he drove 400 miles to watch Meat sing his two favorite songs of all time - PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT and I'M GONNA LOVE YOU TILL THE END OF TIME. After I informed him that they were the same song, he looked really confused.

Something kind of odd happened at the show, but I'll get to that after the show review.

The setlist, as best as I can remember it, was like this -
1 - All Revved Up (very short intro version)
2 - You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth
3 - Paradise By The Dashboard Light
4 - I'd Do Anything For Love
5 - Rock & Roll Dreams Come Through
6 - Out Of The Frying Pan (and into the fire)
7 - Objects In The Rearview Mirror
INTERMISSION
8 - The Monster Is Loose
9 - Blind As A Bat
10 - Bad For Good
11 - 2 Out Of 3 Ain't Bad
12 - Bat Out Of Hell
Encore:
13 - Life Is A Lemon (And I want my money back)
2nd Encore:
14 - Gimme Shelter (Rolling Stones cover)

So, if you're not a real fan - you can skip to the story of the crazy couple in my row. If you're into Meatloaf - here's the scoop.

Meat is now 61 years old. His voice is not what it used to be. While he clearly can belt it out in a studio environment, the live arena is not as kind to his vocal, which was shaky at many points in the night - yet better then you'd expect it to be.

He came out in a football jersey literally looking like he just woke up. They did this sort of quickie-hotel resort version of ALL REVVED UP that didn't really register. Then he tore into TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH with the new girl in his band. He replaced Patti Russo after 20 years (details on that are murky) and now has a girl with a great voice, but who might actually be 21 years old. After WORDS they went into PARADISE - which was great, because instead of the 30 minute version we've been getting for the last 10 years, they pared the song back to it's original 8 minute version. But I think this is due to the fact that when Meat used to do PARADISE with Patti Russo, it was age appropriate. To see Meat make out with a 21 year old - was kind of creepy. Still, it was GREAT to hear the song in its original version again.

Meatloaf seemed to follow his BATS ON BROADWAY show, in which he does a few songs from each Bat CD - but really, the show felt like it should've opened with the newer songs.

After PARADISE, he went into the great ANYTHING 4 LOVE. He sounded great - but he took out the middle verse - which, if he was trying to cut for time, cut some of the music - not the words. ROCK AND ROLL DREAMS was one of those songs I used to really like, but it's kind of grown boring over the years, and Meat himself seemed a little bored with it.

By the time he got to OBJECTS IN THE REARVIEW - the stadium (I mean, the 4000 banquet chairs) had gone to pin dropping silence. Meat then talked about the fact that OBJECTS is his 2nd favorite song (his first being FOR CRYING OUT LOUD - which he didn't do, but thanks for teasing us.) Meat's vocals were crystal clear and he did a stunning version - and he left out the 2nd verse. What the fuck! Meat - sing the complete songs. This isn't a comp CD. Still, it was a great concert moment.

Then he did an intermission, then went into BAT OUT OF HELL 3.

PART 2 of MEATLOAF IN SAN PALO cont'd in the next Blog.

THE SOPRANOS STARTS IN APRIL

In less than a month, THE SOPRANOS starts its end run. I am so curious as to what they will do for the last run of eps. According to the promos, which just show Tony standing by the beach as images from seasons past race by us for a few minutes, my friend Tony suggested that the 7th season will just be a montage of all the previous seasons. In reality, I'm sure they're guarding the details as much as they can, though I have heard some things (not much.) Still, how often in life do you actually get excited to see the further journeys of tv characters? This was a one of a kind show - and I hope they have a creatively successful final chapter.

SURREAL LIFE GAMES (VH1)
First of all, last week was bullshit - Chyna Doll should not have left - it should've been Andrea. But Andrea cried so the judges took pity on her. Although - seeing Chyna Doll in any way at this point is somewhat disturbing. The game itself - where the celebs had to see how many famous people they could get on the phone. Andrea got just about nobody - but she cried. I tend to think there might've been something else to it and perhaps there was another reason why Chyna had to go. Ron Jeremy is frighteningly heavy - but Robin Leach might have been beat. Vanilla Ice is a complete hothead and his tirades are becoming somewhat predictable. Tracy Bingham spent the night fondling Verne Troyer, than said in the morning "it doesn't count because he's under 3 feet." Andrea is completely pathetic. Hearing her talk about the job of "being a celebrity" - what? Who is she again? I think she was in Playboy twice in 10 years. Andrea was SUCH a bitter loser. What a bunch.
Grade: C

Was it just me or did last night's THE SIMPSONS and FAMILY GUY both kind of suck?

YOUR FRIENDS & NEIGHBORS (HBO)
Currently airing on cable these days - I accidentally caught the 2nd half of this Neil LaBute film and was reminded of it's frank greatness. Not for the squeamish, this film examines the sex lives of a trio of couples who are all highly dysfunctional beings. But Jason Patric - he performance and explaining his "best fuck" is one of the creepier moments in recent film history. With the sole exception of Ben Stiller, who somehow doesn't really come across well defined, the acting and writing on display are top notch. While I thought IN THE COMPANY OF MEN was a great small film, Labutes next one, this one, was his finest moment.
Grade: A


DICE: UNDISPUTED (VH1)
Dice is a little less appealing in the 3rd outing of this enjoyable show. He really does have a temper and flies off the handle a bit too much. Well - he's a weird guy - but he gets comeuppance at the end of the episode.
Still, there wasn't much to love in this ep.
Grade: C


One of my very favorite bands, THE EELS, do my favorite song from SOULJACKER BLUES (actually - the only song I like on that CD) - THIS FRESH FEELING in an acoustic, slow version.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OH0hMpiVM3Y


For a great live rendition of Free Bird from Leonard Skynard, go here:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2331361172433508243&q=Free+Bird
If you have ITUNES, type in BRIDGE SCHOOL - these are some fantastic live performances that are done for the annual Bridge School benefits. Supposedly there are about a hundred more songs coming - but there are some great ones already there.

Also - I've been meaning to mention. About a year ago The Girl turned me onto Molten Brown. It's a pricey little bottle that'll last a good two/three months - but if you want to smell delicious all day - I highly recommend you go here:

http://www.amazon.com/Molton-Brown-Relaxing-Moisture-Therapy/dp/B0002YLVIO/ref=pd_bbs_6/002-0208208-0155266?ie=UTF8&s=beauty&qid=1173717674&sr=8-6

That link points to my very favorite scent - I'm addicted and wear it everyday. I know Adam E., friend to this blog, prefers the Black Pepper, but I haven't tried it yet.

DENZEL WASHINGTON on OPRAH (SYND)
Perhaps the most self-congratulatory mutual ass kissing session I've ever witnessed in my life.

The lead singer of BOSTON died. While I was not really into them at the time of MORE THEN A FEELING, DON'T LOOK BACK or PEACE OF MIND - my age appropriate Boston CD was THIRD STAGE - where they took a really pop approach with their music. Anyway, in tribute, here's some dude lip synching AMANDA to his girlfriend - it's goofy but almost funny in the way the guy just goes for it.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=i4dZdXgHCIs


THE AGENCY (VH1)
Becky is HORRIBLE. I love her.


REAL WORLD: COLORADO (MTV)
Brooke comes on to Davis and his boyfriend, makes out with Tyrie, bad mouths everyone, and throws water in Davis' face when he calls her a bitch. That was pretty much the episode. I think Brooke might be insane.


I will pay ON DEMAND to stop running that ridiculous promo for EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH where Jessica Simpson says "You will pee your pants from this movie" and Dan Cook talks about the RPMS - the "laughs per minute, man." Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson, the Burns and Allen of this generation.


BAD GIRL'S CLUB (OXY)
The house was haunted! Ridiculous - by the way - whenever a "house" is "haunted" in a reality show - it means the producers had nothing better to do but throw bullshit at the viewer. Since this is the first bad ep in a long line of great ones, I forgive the Bad, Bad Girls.

MP3 FREE DOWNLOAD FREE PORN SPEARS FEDERLINE ANNA NICOLE AMERICAN IDOL KIM KARDASHIAN

Sorry about the misleading blog title, just trying to get more hits on my site.

THE SARAH SILVERMAN SHOW (COM)
Sarah Silverman wrapped her season in a story that really pushed her character's casual hatefulness, had her sleeping with God, then ignoring him in the morning, which lead to God screaming "Sorry for liking you!" Although my favorite sequence in the episode was the extended fart joke at brunch.

For that scene, go here:

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_sarah_silverman_program/index.jhtml

Too weird to explain - but hilarious with a perfect ending. Sarah is particularly good at making fun of everyday small talk and expressions. I'll miss this show when it's gone - hopefully it'll be back very soon. In the meantime, if you haven't caught it, catch extended clips and show extras here:
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_sarah_silverman_program/index.jhtml
Grade: A +


AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
Shocks - by eliminating 2 great contestants. I can't believe that Sanjaya kid is still around - he's terrible and I love every second of it.


FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION (DVD)
The weakest link in the Chris Guest mockumentary cannon - this is the first of these films that felt completely forced, lame and....kind of a bad parody of mockumentary. Like a mock-mockumentary. In any case - it's not without a few laughs - but what's the old saying "Like a Hollywood party - you wait around for hours for a few good lines." Something like that. Ricky Gervais barely registers. Eugene Levy should be tarred and feathered for his unfunny agent shtick, and Christopher Guest's director and everybody's "cleverness" at improv come together to make this one really bad film.
Grade: D -

HOWARD TV:
DICE RETURNS AGAIN! (IN DEMAND)Andrew Dice Clay came on, fought with his wife, opened up - and I'm starting to believe maybe he will play Giant Stadium again. Howard and the gang and Dice together have never been funnier. And Dice transforming in front of eyes into a real human being was great.
Grade: A
In the same show, Sal dons a GARY mask and does a ridiculous dance that was inexplicably hilarious.


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (THE CW)
The girls are as catty as ever, Tyra is literally over the top insane - and this show has a formula that just can't lose. I like the cocky girl who cries and then brags when she wins - then rats everyone out for not liking her - she looks like a junkie and she has to get voted off soon (I think her name is JAZLEEN?) - And the Russian girl who doesn't know how to take criticism (literally - she thinks it's always a compliment) is a hoot.
Grade: B

HOUSE (FOX)
House has cancer and Dave Mathews stars as a man with half a brain. Only by the end of the hour, the plot twists completely, and we have the lingering image of House greedily grabbing Cuddy's ass. Another stellar outing and a really twisty story.
Grade: A

WHY WE FIGHT (MAX)
First off, I have to apologize to Adam B. - you loaned me this dvd about 2 years ago - not only did I not watch it, I lost it. However, earlier that month, Wendy W. borrowed my MARCH OF THE PENGUINS dvd and never returned it - so unfortunately, you had to pay the price.

So, the movie turned up on Cinemax last year and I finally decided to take it off my Tivo and watch it. This is a great documentary that actually does explain somewhat why we fight - the financial incentives involved and the link between Dick Cheney and Haliburton are both documented and commented on at length as well as exploring the relationship between the U.S. and Sadamm Husein, who was looked at by our country as a friend for a long time - this movie asserts - until we needed the fossil fuel his country harbored so we turned Sadamm into a villain (it probably wasn't that hard) to suit our oil needs. I have no idea what the veracity of these statements are - but it's a lot of food for thought, and if this documentary speaks the truth, we are all in trouble.
Grade: A

THE WEDDING BELLS (FOX)
The latest David E. Kelly piece of shit. I don't know who would watch this. I can't imagine who would find it funny. It reminded me of the old Stallone movie, OSCAR - a lot of comic "energy" and not a single laugh, insight or....this was really bad. Bad drama is one thing, unfunny frantic comedy is embarrassing. What the fuck were they thinking?
Grade: F

SOUTH PARK (COM)
The latest season opened with a funny episode that used the N word a record amount of times for an animated half-hour - and how often do you find a show in its 9th season that still has the complete interest of it's creators - almost never.
Grade: A

JUDGE JUDY (SYND)
Don't ask me why I started watching these - but it's great to see Judge Judy yelling at idiots.
Grade: B

AMERICAN IDOL (Fox)
The thrill is truly gone. A bore from start to finish. They really need to start singing some songs that people actually know and like. But there just seems to be a real....lameness to this season.
Grade: C -


RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (CBS)
This show has just the right mix of David Spade and Puddy from Seinfeld - now if they could just get rid of the central couple - who both graduated from the school of over acting... Still, when Puddy (I know that's not his name on this show - but that's who he's essentially playing) says to Spade, "How old is she?" and Spade returns with "You better call Jack Bauer because she's 24!" - this can be a pretty funny show.
Grade: B

ARTIE LANGE'S BEER LEAGUE (DVD)
I finally finished this and think I might've been too harsh in my initial review. This is actually a pretty funny movie that has many amateurish moments to be sure, but also has a great gift of a comedian writing very funny jokes for his actors. While the direction here leaves much to be desired - Artie is really appealing, his romance actually plays better than the baseball segment (Anthony DeSando acts as if he were taught acting by spastic monkeys) - but between the good naturedness of the movies, some of the REALLY dirty jokes, and the great extras including a terrific commentary from Artie (that the Stern show should use sound bites from as Artie waxes philosophically on this film that made a hundred bux at the box office) - it's really not bad and a good diverting comedy - particularly the writing. So I revise this slightly:
Grade: B


Remember the MAGNOLIA moment in the finale to NIP/TUCK last year? When all the characters starting singing along to a tune about their wacky situations? As crazy a scene as it was - you have to admit the song was da bomb. It's called BRIGHTER DISCONTENT by The Submarines. Here it is, sans NIP/TUCK for your enjoyment:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=zsOqN8-9NgI

Jim Steinman playing his own 2 OUT OF 3 AIN'T BAD on the piano for CLASSIC ALBUMShttp://youtube.com/watch?v=0JJn40lCX54

If you missed it, Prince's halftime show from the Superbowl - here he is at the end of it doing PURPLE RAIN:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EffEF7fNLTQ

And here's part 1 of the Prince halftime show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmjDlGgzy0Q&NR

Have a great weekend.

The Unlikely Journey of Zyzzyx Road

The wild story of the film, Zyzzyx Road - written & directed by my buddy, John Penney.

For as long as I've done this blog, once in a while I know somebody involved in one of these wacky public episodes. This time, my friend John Penny, who's been my good friend for over 15 years, introduced to me by my Mom. My Mom is a nurse who worked with John's wife. Anyway - details you're not interested in aside, John is a great writer/director. He used to write films like RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 3 - the one where Mindee Clark from THE OC dug piercings into her decaying zombie corpse, IN PURSUIT, a low budget action film with a lot of brains, THE CONTAMINATED MAN, with William Hurt - which is a low budget masterpiece - and a bunch of others I'm sure he'll remind me of once reading this blog.

A few years ago, he started getting into directing his own scripts and has done very well for himself. About a year ago, me and my ex, Heidi, had gone to his house screening room to watch ZYZZYX ROAD - which was a low budget thriller set around Las Vegas that started Kathryn Heigl and Tom Sizemore. ROAD was a fine thriller with a low budget and a great claustrophobic tone and great performances from all the leads. I suspected my friend would do very well with his movie. I thought "this is the one you're going to be hearing about." And I turned out to be right, though not for the reasons John nor I ever thought.

As it turns out, to make the deal with SAG to do a low budget film, there is a financial incentive to having your film play in a theater. So the way to deal with this, as the producers of Zyzzyx ROAD did, was to have the film play in Texas at one theater, unannounced for a five day run in a once a day showing that ran at 11: AM. Now, this sounds ludicrous to me - I can't believe anyway saw the film. But under scrutiny, it was determined that 20 of the 30 dollars was from cast and crew who happened to live near the theater and got to see the movie they worked on. (The producer actually sent them their money back when he heard about it.)

In any case, the movie was really good - the producer ran the film in Texas once a day at 11:AM to qualify it for the DGA for 5 days and it made (somehow) 30 bux. Now, my suspicion is that if you ran THE GODFATHER with no fanfare or promotion once a day in Texas while nobody knew it was there - and without curious former crew members, it would probably make about 10 dollars or so. If that.

So the film runs, it makes 30 bux, gets recorded somewhere officially, and a website called www.Chud.com decides that it's a slow movie day - and that this 30 dollar recorded take is pretty funny. Soon, stories are all over the place about this movie that took in thirty dollars. My friend John had a a great sense of humor about it, but also worries that people will get the wrong idea. It's a fine film. The apex of this must've been the other day, talking to a friend who is NOT in the business at all. When I mentioned ZyZZyx Road, they said - "Oh Yeah, the film that only made 30 dollars."

This is my friend, John's worst nightmare. That this has become such a big Internet story is a double edged sword. On one hand, I'm sure he's tickled by the publicity and the interviews he's done (I think 3 or 4 magazine cover stories and endless Internet accounts - he's been interviewed on the radio over this a number of times in the last few weeks.)

Anyway - the only difference between my report and the rest of the blog reports on Zyzzyx Road is this: I've actually seen the movie. It's great.

I think what he's afraid of most is that people will somehow think that the 30 dollar box office haul was more to do with the movie than with the weird SAG laws that dictate these strange occurrences. I also thought I'd give John an unedited forum to say a few words, which I'm going to end this article with - but first, as someone who's seen it - Zyzzyx Road is a crackerjack thriller and with any luck, will end up with a nice distribution deal based on this strange and funny publicity.

I was going to interview John for this, but realized that I'm sure all my questions would be covered by the links to the articles - on the other hand, here is John's chance to speak about the strange journey of his movie:

Finally, in John Penney's own words, I asked him to say a few things about his much discussed feature:
JOHN PENNEY:
Who could've planned it?... We put the film in a matinee slot for six days in Dallas to satisfy a Screen Actors Guild requirement and the 30 dollars it makes shows up on the national box office reports. The funny headlines that followed on the net, Variety and the New York Times were much better than the boring truth... The movie was never really released. In fact, we wanted the screenings to be on the Q.T. so we could save our American release until we had sold foreign rights. Usually these SAG screenings are done in L.A. with one showing, but because our foreign distributor Regent owned theaters in Dallas, and the rate was 1000.00 for a week, we did it that way.
Needless to say, this is not how I envisioned my directing career to begin, but hey... The story took on a life of its own and you just gotta role with it.
Two things I can guarantee: First, the movie didn't only make 30.00 because it's a bad movie. In fact, test screenings were very positive. And second, my next movie will definitely out gross my first...JP

To visit John's MYSPACE site online and to drop him a kind word, please go here:
www.johnpenneyfilm.com

In the meantime, here was last weeks Entertainment Weekly cover story:
http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20011268,00.html

For the TIME MAGAZINE ONLINE article, go here:
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1593130,00.html

THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM (COM)
Had the best ep yet with Sarah delving into lesbianism. This is the funniest show on the air right now.

I LOVE NEW YORK (VH1)
Is still fun, but not as fun as it started out to be. And I couldn't figure out what offended New York more - that 12 pack was dancing in gay clubs, or that he had a girlfriend, or that he was there solely for publicity? He turned out to be one pretty strange dude.

LOST (ABC)
Has gotten WAY too goofy for it's own good. LOST is now truly lost. A bunch of plot points and devices in service of nothing - a bigger story that got weighed down with trying to do everything. Some of the characters are now borderline laughable - and this show just about sucks. The never ending "comedy" with Hurley, the ridiculously conspicuous "new" survivors - The Others - it's just all so bad now. If they had a heart, they'd find a way to end it next season and go out a winner - however, ABC plans to keep it on the air for another 5 years, so this will probably be the end of my reviews - I just don't think this show can ever work again.
Grade: D


FAME (DVD)
What a great movie. I re-watched this recently and really got into it. The dvd of it has director commentary which is quite good, a number of cool featurettes, and an update on all the cast members. Though I must admit, I'm much less patient now with the story of the comic who LOVED Freddie Prinz (I know - that's a great actor playing him, but it's really hokey now) - The Doris storyline and her tortured comic lover - was a real bore. Much better is the realism of the Irene Cara character (thought they imply she's sleeping with Leroy for a beat, and there was no other scenes to support it) - the Bruno character, the songs, the original stuff written and sung by America's favorite character actor - Paul McCrane (who's had about 23 lives in movies and television) and the Leroy storyline - culminating in SING THE BODY ELECTRIC. This was an ambitious movie that moved in 5 acts, the auditions and every year at the school - and somehow it really works.
Grade: A


CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC (DVD)
Ridiculously bad and for that reason, ridiculously great. A real disaster at the time of release, this VILLAGE PEOPLE movie was directed by Bounty paper towels pitch woman Nancy Walker, who said while they were making this film that movies were "little pieces of shit cobbled together by fancy editors." The spectacular failure was probably due to the film getting hung up on the stupid storyline of Valerie Perrine, Bruce Jenner and Steve Guttenberg - yes, the cast from hell. Worse than that - the film uses only one actual hit, YMCA, and instead decides they're going to sell albums, and decide to use all new untested songs - which leads to a truly mind blowingly bad video for a Village People song called MILKSHAKE - must be seen to be believed. Bad - and not nearly fun enough to be unintentionally great.
Grade: F


NEIL HAMBURGER: AMERICA'S FUNNY MAN (DVD)
For those in the know about Mr. Hamburger, he's an intentionally unfunny comic who is so unfunny he's funny. His old discs are odd and uncomfortable and mini-masterpieces. However, he's built up a bit of a fan base - so this disc is a mixed bag. On one hand, he's out of the studio and actually showing himself - but his added throat clearing to the mix simply isn't funny and it's been done to death by the likes of Martin Short 20 years ago on SNL. Yet some of his material now is actually funny - which breaks the idea of what he was doing initially. (Sample joke: "Why did Darth Vader cross the road? To fuck a Star Wars fan." So - I don't know - I'm entertained but I'm not sure what the joke is anymore.


PINK FLOYD: PULSE (DVD)
They keep running this show on PBS, but I just bought the Roger Waters-less dvd and the concert is actually twice as long and the sound on the dvd is 10 times as good. However - if you're only going to watch once or twice, I recommend Tivo-ing from PBS, who runs this concert about 4 times a week for the last 5 months.


RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (CBS)
At first seemed like a shockingly direct copy of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, then ended up being reasonably funny. Although the idea that all these characters become best friends overnight is TV's idea of...I don't know. It's dumb. But the episodes are funny. The biggest problem are the newly engaged couple - everybody else in the cast is funny.


HOGAN KNOWS BEST (VH1)
I caught a pretty funny rerun where Hogan's buddy from the WWF comes to visit. For once, the show did not seem completely scripted - only about half.

PRISON BREAK (FOX)
The most exciting (and insane) drama on network right now. The last 2 episodes were superb.
Grade: A +

I take back what I said about Britney Spears being sexy with the bald head. I've taken a few more looks at women who actually look GREAT with a shaved head - Sinead back in the day, my sexy ex, Jess Zaino, but the problem with Britney is that her face is just too big and full - I don't think you can lose weight in your head, so she may want to grow it back and not give it drugs this time so she could hold on to both her hair and a symmetrical look.

If you read this blog, you've seen the Joe "I'm a shitty comic but I'll kick your fucking ass" Rogan - Versus - Carlos "I'll steal all your material and then some" Mencia. Someone has posted the following, which is sort of (I guess) the Mencia side of the story - still, while entertaining, I don't think this quick film gives Mencia the sort of validation he's looking for. It basically posits that everybody steals. I have to say - I know a few comics personally and they'd rather die then do someone else's material on stage. That said - creative people do sometimes get a similar thought. Still, I think I'd rather be Joe Rogan in this argument - for part of this (I hope) never ending story, go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnr67Giq-LE


CRANK YANKERS (mtv2)
Is back with a bunch of great phony phone calls. I missed this show as it took a 2 year hiatus - but I'm glad it's back and more profanely funny then ever. The plastic surgery phone call was priceless.


DAUGHTRY (CD)
This is Chris Daughtry's CD, the bald angry guy from AMERICAN IDOL. I know it's insanely huge and has sold almost 2 million copies - but I thought it kind of sucked. Reminded me of a bad version of Stone Temple Pilots, who were a bad copy of Pearl Jam. Very ordinary.
Grade: C -


DICE UNDISPUTED (VH1)
Wasn't Dice "Banned" from MTV for life? Then how does he get a show with sister station VH1? Nonetheless - back in the day I used to be a HUGE fan. In the last decade, Dice has gone decidedly downhill. This series follows his daily ups and downs regarding his bid to play Giant Stadium (which sounds ludicrous.) The problem is I don't know what a funny comic he is anymore - at the same time - Dice in his everyday element is a fucking riot. And I love this show.

Grade: A

THE OFFICE (NBC)
Where have you gone, David Brent? You should come save your American counterpart.

ROCKY BALBOA the DVD is coming out - it includes an alternate ending (no spoilers - but very curious about it) and full commentary from Stallone. Hoping they give ROCKY II the special dvd treatment.

SEX, DRUGS & COCOA PUFFS - (IN SOFTCOVER)
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Drugs-Cocoa-Puffs-Manifesto/dp/0743236017/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-0208208-0155266?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1172858407&sr=8-1
Highly recommended book about pop culture that actually makes a case for Billy Joel's GLASS HOUSES as a great rock album of the 80s (it is) and posits that BAT OUT OF HELL is as strong an album from the 70s as BORN TO RUN (agreed - fine, I said it.) It goes much further than that, and this is truly a great, funny and deeply involving book.

THE REAL WORLD: COLORADO
These insane retards have been highly entertaining lately. Collie in the Jacuzzi with Alex was probably this year's all time most humiliating moments. (She goes in for a kiss and he literally recoils.) This is turning into a very humiliating season for almost everybody on this show.

THE DEVIL'S REJECTS (DVD)
Is a GREAT horror/action/suspence thriller in the best sense of the genre. Even though it was not really billed this way, DEVIL'S is a direct sequel to HOUSE OF 10,000 CORPSES - also written & directed by Rob Zombie. While HOUSE had potential it never quite reached, DEVIL'S REJECTS is a true small masterpiece of the genre. It's just such an odd, out there tone that while it's never exactly SCARY, it's kind of more than that - just kind of filling the viewer with morbid fascination and dread. This is a film where not all the good people get away. It's this everything's up for grabs approach, mixed with classic horror elements that really rocket this film - and the directorial touches of Zombie might seem elementary on some level - but yet, things like his unique blend of action, cutting and music have not just been invented - but he reinvents some of that like a true new trailblazer just on the scene. Anyway - it's a low-key film, so I don't want over sell something this somber, but do check out all the plentiful extras - the audio commentary by Zombie is as entertaining as the film, and thoughtful insights into the story provide the film with much more depth and also is just willing to give away all his secrets - watch HOUSE OF 10,000 CORPSES first, because it really is part one - but then jump right to the sequel and really get into something weird. It's really some epic movie making.
Grade: A +
Extras: A +