The new JACKASS MOVIE!

This picture is one I took in Chatsworth when my mom's apartment complex was being evacuated by the fire department a few years ago.

JACKASS 2 (IN THEATRES)
Great. Disgusting. Revolting. Great. No story - just a great presentation of the most grossed out stunts you've ever seen. Not for the squamish - this film is helped greatly by the good humor of its stars. Best gag: the terrorist in the cab. Try seeing this one in the theatre.
Grade: A +

LOST ( SEASON 2 DVD SET) - WARNING: SPOILERS!
Me and The Girl are about 4 eps from finishing season 2 - Despite the very bad acting of Michelle Rodriguez, this is a fantastic show that continues to intrigue. Ep 20 just ended with the shock of what Michael does in the hatch - I don't really want to spill details in case you haven't seen it - but I do wonder what they're going to do about the fact that they showed the lovely female shrink in Hurley's flashback as another wacko. We're just waiting on Netflix for the final 4 eps.
Grade: A

SNL: STEVE MARTIN & PRINCE (NBC)
Aside from the opening sketch - horrendous.
Grade: D

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Gets better & better. Did Andy really get F..ed in the A... by the female Jewish instructor using a black dildo strap on?????
Grade: B +

THE WIRE (HBO)
Da Bomb.
Grade: A +

FLAVA OF LOVE (VH1)
What can I say - I love television.
A +

MTV'S LITTLE TALENT SHOW (MTV)
Bad. Real bad - and unfair to the poor kids performing in it. And Kimberly Locke thinks she's....I don't know who the hell she thinks she is - but she's annoying and horrible.
Grade: D

BLIND DATE (SYND)
Since The Girl never watched these on there original run, I'm showing her some from SPIKE TV - very funny writers. Unusual daters.
Grade: B

HOUSE OF GAMES (DVD)
A great gem from the 80s that almost made you believe that Joe Montegna was the next Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro. He's never been better - neither has David Mamet.
A +

SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS (CBS)
I appreciate the race thing they're doing - but the show is still boring.
Grade: C

I taped the CONDENDER marathon - whoo hoo!

JOE SIMPSON IS REALLY CREEPY!

The following is reprinted, without permission of course, from THE SUPERFICIAL blog site - which is one of my favorite gossip sites:
http://thesuperficial.com/
According to sources who've had recent dealings with him, Simpson has a tight working arrangement with WireImage, the mega-agency and wire service that rules the red-carpet at nearly every high-profile event in the western hemisphere. On several occasions, a camera-wielding Simpson has gone toe-to-toe with other snappers for shots of his own daughters, then approved only his own images for distribution through WireImage. At other times, he has provided the agency with exclusive (and even racy) shots of his daughters on family getaways or in other putatively private moments.
Needless to say, other photographers aren't happy. One recalled being invited to cover an event sponsored by Jessica's record label, Epic, only to find her shots blocked again and again by Joe and his Nikon. "I thought it was really odd that he was always in my way, since I was the one who was paid to be there shooting," she says. Though the freelancer did manage to get some clean shots, Joe's were the only ones WireImage deemed worthy of being distributed. (add pioc)
And look at the pictures he takes of his daughters - so now he's talking about his daughter's bodies in public, AND he's snapping these pictures. Why do I keep thinking that Joe Simpson is either going to end up on the JERRY SPRINGER show or DATELINE: TO CATCH A PREDATOR?

HOUSE (FOX)
The cane is back without much fanfare - not that it wasn't warranted - but House dismissed all talk of his cane and pain - choosing to focus on the guest star, JOEL GREY, who was fantastic as a revolutionary doctor. I thought the ep was great - even though I hated seeing those cute mice torn apart, but I wasn't sure what I thought of House going to the Church after Cameron did the deed and saying "I'm proud of you." The show is usually a bit more subtle then that - but an excellent hour nonetheless.
Grade: A

FAMILY GUY (TOON)
Me and The Girl caught a couple of repeats on TOON - the one where Lois and Meg go to Spring Break was great and Peter becomes a fisherman. This is one of the best animated shows to come along ever.
Grade: A

NIP/TUCK (FX)
Last night was another stellar, if BADLY directed entry in this series. I loved the storylines and Sean's fling and Christian's YOUTUBE experience - and his admiration of Mario Lopez - shockingly good as a nice-guy plastic surgeon. But what was with the color scheme of the ep, the look, the angles - it's rare that I notice when something is directed this badly - but this was screaming for attention.
Grade: B +

OVER THERE (FX - 1ST SEASON DVD SET (only season))
Continues to get better. The battle scenes in Iraq were actually shot in Chatsworth - but I defy anyone to point that out while watching it. This was one of the most intense shows ever, and I wish FX would've given it another season - but the 13 episode dvd set is a real treat and like a great, extended war film.
Grade: A

THE SIMPSON (FOX)
Still hilarious - after 14 years.
Grade: A -

DATELINE (NBC)
They did something pretty cool - they pretended to make a hydrating pill made solely from NESTLE QUICK and tried to get one of these infomercial production houses to put together the infomercial. Only they secretly taped everything and interviewed all the participants after - I swear - I will never look at another infomercial the same way. It's so fucking fake! The actors are paid to rave about the product and the companies don't seem to care about getting any proof that the items work.
Grade: B +

BLIND DATE UNSENCORED (DVD)
A gem if you were a fan of the show back in the late 90s - It revisits all the dates and adds boobies and curses. And it's laugh out loud funny.
Grade: B

THE SHIELD (SEASON 2 DVDS)
THE SHIELD has a pretty good second season - though from what I remember - the weakest of all 5 seasons. I'm not sure they knew where to go - but they still found many great stories to tell. We have about 7 more to go on this one, but I remember seasons 3,4 & 5.1 rocking the house - with 5 being nail-biting.

HOUSE (FOX)
"Cane & Abel." The 2nd episode was superbly written, acted and directed. This is one of the very best one hours on network tv and to those who missed it - they repeat at some point the week after the initial airing on USA network. Hugh Laurie was great - the mystery was fantastic and the stakes were high. The question of whether House will go back to using his cain and popping vicoden was handled with integrity to the show and honesty to the character. Man, this show is good.
Grade: A +

HAPPY HOUR (Fox)
Unwatchable.
Grade: F

DEAL OR NO DEAL (NBC)
Addictive, and now that I've found the game online, even more so.
Grade: B

PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Continues to kick ass. RIP Abruzzi - you will be sorely missed. T-Bag - you fucking scumbag - I can't wait till you die.
Grade: B +

THE WIRE is back!

Look what happened to Ashlee Simpson - I found her real look much cuter then the Jessica Clone she's been turned into. What is up with Joe Simpson? He's a really creepy dude.

KILL BILL PART 2 (TNT)

The Girl was sick this weekend so we ended up watching the edited tv version of this - even without letterbox and 5.1 - this movie still rocks the house. QT was at his very best here. Best Edit: instead of calling her a "cunt" - Bill calls The Bride a "sour puss."

Grade: A +

THE WIRE (HBO)
Sprawling. Ambitious. Trenchant. Da Bomb.
Grade: A

THE WIRE (HBO)
Episode 2. Sprawling. Ambitious. Trenchant. Moving. Da Bomb.
Grade: A +

THE PATH TO 9/11 (ABC)
I just watched the first 30 minutes of this 5 hour movie - will wait till I'm done to offer a real review - but - just based on the opening incident - they bombed the WTC over 8 years ago - they were supposed to topple over each other - apparently they kept going till they got it right. I'll leave my anger and my politics out of this - but the film is really good and I'll finish it over the weekend.

LOST (SEASON 2 DVDS)
Up to episode 10 - we just found out the back story on Mr. Ecco. It's a different show from the first season - and I like where it's going - I just wonder if they do.
Grade: A -

LOST (SEASON 2 DVDS)
Me and THE GIRL just watched up to ep 16 - it's getting really nasty again. I think I hate Sawyer for crushing that frog in front of Hurley. Charlie has turned into a little nasty freak. And the tension between Lock and Jack is palpable. I can't figure out if Sun is lying about her pregancy to spare Jin's feelings - and lastly - while I do love this show - they put a LOT of effort into building up the character of ANNA LUCIA - only to cast her with an actress that doesn't have near the acting chops nor the gravitas - and frankly, looks WAY WAY WAY too young to be playing this bad-ass jaded cop. She's much better in scenes where she's in and out - as opposed to the first batch of eps where she was front and center. And I think the guy in the Hatch is with the others - but that's just my guess - we won't know till netflix gets here on monday.
I can't wait.
Grade: A

DUETS (FOX)
I only tune in for Hal Sparks - Rock God.

THE SHIELD (SEASON 1 DVD)
Just watched this with the girl - great circle of initial 13 eps - was great to re-watch them. At the time I thought the real-estate scam was not only bullshit, but way to much caught up in the "corruption" theme of the whole series - but I liked it much better the second time around - or maybe I'm just more partial to stuff I watch with the girl Also - every episode has an extremely annoying and self congratulatory commentary - but hey - it is a great show, so maybe they've earned their bragging rights. There are TONS of extras, including like - 30 deleted scenes.
Grade: A

THE VIEW (ABC)
Peppery Rosie! I hear she's not getting along there and wants to re-design the show. My prediction: she will not last the season but ABC or another network will give her her own show. This won't last.

RESCUE ME (3rd SEASON FINALE - FX)
The Girl hasn't seen this yet - I fucked up on TIVO so she missed the last 5 or so of the season - but suffice it to say - I thought the season ended very well - though the bit with Tommy's brother seemed REALLY convenient.
Grade: B

FLAVA OF LOVE (VH1)
This might be the BEST of all reality shows now that BB ALL STARS has finished. These women on these shows - they are fucking HILARIOUS - and Flav is just a star. This 2nd season is getting really good - now that NEW YORK is back up in this bitch.
Grade: A

BIG BROTHER ALL STARS (CBS)
Hands down - one of the very best seasons ever of any reality show. The finale' was great, and Mike Boogie did an excellent job of turning the jury on his side - but he had a lot more votes than I would've thought, as the jury voted for his game play, rather then indulge their vengeance of not winning. This was really a sequel to season 2 - as Dr. Will won that, his sidekick now picks up the pace to win the prize the 2nd time around. I can't believe how much hatred for Erica was on display - and I plan to interview both Boogie and Dr. Will for this blog. Mike - you did it.
Grade: A +

THE VIEW (ABC)
They had on Mike Boogie, Erica and Janelle. Rosie gave Mike a bunch of shit. Elizabeth talked strangely about "reality shows" - perhaps forgetting that she's be nothing without SURVIVOR, where she was "discovered."

CARRIE (DVD)
Horror film done as art. Spectacular turns from Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie. John Travolta shines in his very first role, as does Nancy Allen. The extras are packed - the transfer devine - alas - no commentary - but a docu that catches up with most of the principles 30 years later - and 30 years later - that ending still scared the shit out of everybody in the house and probably changed movies forever. If you've forgotten, I refer to the scene where Amy Irving puts flowers on a grave...
A

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Continues to get better and better - with twists I never see coming and a refreshing "newness" that places it in the upper echelon of half hour dramadies. I like this show a LOT. The Girl LOVES IT.
Grade: B +

DANE COOK: VICIOUS CYCLE (HBO)
Shocking only in the fact that Dane seems to have worked on his material and actually made me laugh hard quite a few times. A very good show and Dane Cook is finally in top form (for Dane.) While it doesn't have the tear stained belly laughs that Eddie, Chris Rock or even Mitch Hedberg used to deliver, it was a great concert and I laughed a LOT.
Grade: B

NIP/TUCK (FX)
Continues to be really good in it's 4th season. Another good episode. They seemed to have really forgotten about The Carver (Thank God) and now we can set our sites back on Kimberly, where they belong. And Matt's becoming a Scientologist - will the insanity ever stop? And will Matt ever find a suitable hair style?
Grade: B +

From time to time, my buddy MARK WALDMAN writes a poem that I fancy enough to share with my blog readers. Although usually on the depressing side, the uplift is in the craft.

As usual - please feel free and feel encouraged to leave anonymous postings on my board.

And now, I give you mark's latest:

All the famous writers, and me

by Mark G. Waldman

Some of them are terrificothers mortifying

I can't make it past a few pages f

or someothers

I can pour through endlessly

Hard to say what makes a writer greator

at least what forms that connection

I find the more flowery the language

and more density to the work

the more I nod off

I honestly think I have attention-deficit problems

though I've never been diagnosed with anything

I can focus for a long time on what I like

not so long and what I don't

if the writing is boringI skim

I've skimmed a lot in life

When the words are pure

and the sentiment relatable I am there

I won't go into what writers I like

and which I don't

some you would guess

others you wouldn't

and occasionally a fist fight might break out

and there's nothing more tragic

than literary-minded dorks beating hell out of one another

I like it quick

and I like it clean

I like it to make sense

I like whimsy

I like the words to be organicand feel as if I wrote them

I like to smirk when I read

and occasionally laugh out loud

if it's sad I like to feel profoundly moved

and pages of bullshit doesn't make me move more

in fact

quite the opposite

I recall one summer in my youth

laying in my backyard on a too hot day

trying to drink some sunlight into my pasty, pale skin

Flies buzzed around it was unbearably sizzling and I was reading a convoluted

yet famous book

by a well-regarded Southern writerI read

and read

and re-read

and swatted away flies,while my skinboiled

I finally gave up

went inside

figured that this Southern writer must be wonderful but I was missing it

The writing was too thick

too unwieldy

and me without any interest

so

whether the writer is from the South

or a slob from California beware

if there are flies buzzing around

and the weather conditions not just so

you don't stand a chance

***by Mark Waldman

THE RETURN OF LOST!

So - we have netflixed the 2nd season - can't wait.

I just watched THE FLIGHT THAT FOUGHT BACK - it made me very angry and very sad.

I can't WAIT for the new Elton CD. Although they seemed to have cancelled plans to make the RED PIANO dvd. He's probably just going to wait for a new tour to release.

Why won't Billy Joel put out a proper dvd?

I hear the new DYLAN CD is awesome.

I watched a very interesting show on CRYSTAL METH today - that is one hard drug to kick evidently.

Me and my girl are in a 1st season SHIELD marathon - I had forgotten how very good that first season was. Vick Mackey is just a great fucking character. And I still kind of hate Shane.

I feel really bad for Anna Nicole Smith - that is a tragedy.

I wish FREAKS & GEEKS were still on.

I bought the first season of GREY'S ANATOMY - looking forward to it.

Can't get into DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. It's just too goofy.

Going to start getting into the Ricky Gervais podcasts now that I know how to upload to my Video Ipod.

Billy Joel called in to the STERN show today and said that 9/11 is one of the main reasons that he hasn't been able to write a new pop album. But I hope he gets over that - it's been over 10 years and he needs to come up with something new. His tours are too much of a greatest hits show (of which I will go to everyone.)

HOT WINGS CAFE on Melrose is really fucking delicious. So isCALIFORNIA CHICKEN CAFE. Frankie's on Melrose - a very very decent Italian place - is good and reasonable.

Today we started our weigh-in contest. I weighed in at 202 - I will not reveal what the little lady weighed - but she needs to lose 8 pounds to my 10 - let the games begin.

Until later...

Sunday Night Animated comedies are back!

JACKASS: UNRATED EDITION (DVD)
Almost exactly the same as the R version with a bit more penis and testacles in the mix - and a 5 minute extra bit of so-so gags. I should've stuck with the original but I paid 13 bux for this and felt ripped off. Still - no matter what - laugh out funny. Worst/Best gag: the paper cutting bit. I still can't watch that. The commentaries here are first rate and hysterical.

Grade: A

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (IN THEATERS)
Wanted to love it - ended up just sort of liking it. The cast is good, but everyone, especially the script, tries way to hard. The movie is sort of derivitave of every low budget Indie you've ever seen - but the little girl who battles for MISS SUNSHINE just about steals the show. Jess LOVED it - me:
Grade: C -

FASHION ROCKS (CBS)
One of the very best rock/dance shows - Elton spun the hits - Scizzor Sisters showed - there were so many great acts and songs - this was really one for the books - catch it if they repeat it. Elton even sung a new song from his upcoming CD, THE CAPTAIN AND THE KID.
A

SIMPSONS (FOX - SEASON PREMERE)
Homer and his son get involved in the mob. I think this is season 14??? And to have an episode be this funny - great. I hope all the Sunday nite animated shows stay on forever.
Grade: A

FAMILY GUY/AMERICAN DAD (FOX - SEASON PREMIERES)
What can I say - I laughed really hard last night - and FINALLY - THE SIMPSONS plays with the other 2 shows - I got really sick of the Simpsons being on at 7 or mixed in with the unwatchable KING OF THE HILL - now if we could just get rid of WAR AT HOME once and for all and find a way to stick new SOUTH PARKS in that 9 30 slot......
Grade for these 2 shows: A

It was great to watch brand new back to backs of these instant classics.

A moment of silence for the odd death of Anna Nicole's son 3 days after the birth of her new daughter. Strange and very sad.

I enjoyed listening to the STERN SHOW'S re-broadcast of their 9/11 radio show. I've also enjoyed listening to Howard on my computer now that the show streams to the computer if you are a subscriber to Sirius.

Me and my girl are in a weight loss competition - I will reveal the results as they come in. What are we betting? The human rights of the other for 5 days - so if I lose, she can make me do whatever she wants for 5 days - I suspect this will involve lots of LEAVING THE HOUSE. If I win - Jess can really expect to watch LOTS of WISEGUY, DAWN OF THE DEAD and HILL STREET BLUES episodes.