AMERICAN IDOL starts

AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
Off to a GREAT start - the 16 year old crack baby was fantastic. Simon was crueler then usual and Paula is out of her fucking mind. Let the games begin! They've also fixed their annoying habbit of telegraphing who does well at the auditions SOMEWHAT. God forbid they just let the tape run without the tool-of-the-century Ryan fuckface Seacrest giving his ridiculous commentary "They sure got a great audition from this little guy!" It's much more exciting to NOT KNOW what's going to happen when someone opens his mouth - but they've gotten a little better at it this year.
Grade: A -


SURREAL LIFE: GAMES (VH1)
Jimmy Kimmel said it best Tues. night - "You have Vanilla Ice using this advice from Eric Estrada and giving it to Vern Troyer." It's that insane - and that fun. Chyna Doll and Brigitte Nielson have some kind of disgusting vile thing going on - and I intend to watch every gross minute of it. If Chyna isn't the biggest train-wreck on television - then I don't know who is.
Grade: B +


HOGAN KNOWS BEST (VH1)
The gang learns spanish in an ep that seemed REALLY contrived by the producers.
Grade: D

FAMILY BUSINASS (SHOWTIME - DVD SEASON 2 SET)
I give up on this show. What started as a great expose' into the adult film industry has turned into a completely staged event that doesn't seem real or authentic for even a minute. A shame - since all they have to do is leave the cameras running - but these idiots just have to produce - and make the show seem insanely fake and written.
Grade: F


TOP CHEF! (BRAVO)
My current obsession - this is a great show that features great drama and best of all - great food. What's with that guy Marcel? I kind of liked him till he did his "rap." And I like the guy Michael - who was kind of like the Artie Lange of the group - he even looked like him. A dead ringer, actually.
Grade: B +


STERN ON SIRIUS (SIRIUS RADIO)
Funnier then ever.
Grade: A +


SLEEPER CELL (SHOWTIME)
I almost started to love this show again, but after the spectacular 3rd episode, it's been all boringly downhill.
Grade: C -


ROCK DOCS: THE RETURN OF COURTNEY LOVE (VH1)
Courtney Love is sort of the culmination of everything I've always hated about show-biz. She's fake - she's marginally talented, marginally pretty (and losing that every single day) - and so narcisstic and full of herself that it's borderline beyond-belief. She talks about the Kimmel-Roast for Pam Anderson and says "Someone should've just said - Get out of here. Go!" Like the world has to look out for her. She constantly talks about her celeb friends - can't get through a fucking sentence without mentioning little annoying things like "Elton gave me those." Or - "I have to pray for my friend - he's in Hollywood - really big star." She's such a star-fucker, AND she drove Kurt Cobain to suicide - and that, in my book, gets an...
Grade: F
but - a:
Grade: B
for filmaking.

However - as fucked up as she is - Kurt had his own problems. But I miss Nirvana and find it inconcievable that Kurt is dead. I'm sure being married to fuck face didn't help.

TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: THE FINAL DAYS OF ELVIS (E!)
I had no idea what a drug snorting, pill popping, food orgiastic pig Elvis had turned into in the final days. God, I relate. (Not to the drugs - but the food.)
Grade: B +


SNL: JAKE GYLENHALL & THE SHINS (NBC)
Jake was shockingly funny and The Shins are really good - the whole thing was pretty funny - a rarity this season. They still need to delete Seth Myers from the equation before he does more damage. He needs off the show and to stop wreaking havoc on UPDATE.
Grade: B -


THE OFFICE (NBC)
Did Dwight quit? This show can be really funny - it can also be seriously over the top and just plain dumb. This ep was one of those.
Grade: D


30 ROCK (NBC)
Really on a roll and funnier then ever. It was great to see Alec Baldwin win his Golden Globe for the funniest portrayel on tv - however, I'd like to see Tracey Morgan have more of a fleshed out character.
Grade: A -


8 BELOW (DVD)
The dogs were heart breaking, but between Paul "Iceman" Walker and Jason "Suddenly Straight-haired" Biggs, this movie was impossible to enjoy.
Grade: C


RENO 911 (SEASON 1 DVD SET)
Getting funnier and funnnier.
Grade: B -


THE GOLDEN GLOBES (ABC)
Borat had the night's funniest speech. Everything else on the show was the usual bore. Although it was nice to see Scorsesee pick up an award for his just-okay film. Where was ROCKY BALBOA during all this?


NOTES ON A SCANDAL (IN THEATERS)
I just watched the screener - great movie, great performances. A must see.
Grade: B +


EXTRAS (HBO)
Very funny. Off to a great start - though some bits were pushed to their limit - and the guest stars seem to want it in their contract that their humor can emulate David Brent from the THE OFFICE BBC - from which I suppose is how this whole enterprise got started. Nonetheless, they've gelled into a very funny and knowing show that sometimes misses but always aims with great respect for the audience. And you'll laugh out loud. But like THE OFFICE BBC - it's a show that works best in order - so I suggest you rent the first season, then watch the new ones ON DEMAND on HBO as they roll out. Good stuff.
Grade: B+


THE APPRENTICE: LOS ANGELES (NBC)
I started to watch this with the intention of following the season - then I saw Donald, then I saw the wierd looking son, then I saw the gorgeous daughter, then I saw him posing with his gorgeous wife - and I realized that the show's main theme has been completely compromised. I deleted the program and have deleted all future airings. I don't think I give a shit about this show anymore. Besides - how many apprentices can one man have?

BEAUTY & THE GEEK (THE CW)
Stupid fun. Nothing special - but the girls are particularly pathetic this year.
Grade: C +


AMERICAN IDOL (NIGHT 2) (FOX)
More of the same but with less inspired moments. Too much focus on the people clearly there to do some shtick and get on tv.
Grade: A -

I'm getting a lot of shit for including ROCKY BALBOA so much in this blog and for naming it one of the best of the year. There is a difference between a film that makes you think, and a film you just enjoy. While ROCKY might not have had the fucking political agenda of a BLOOD DIAMOND, it certainly had universal concerns that all men face, and resurrected a character that has been one of our favorites for decades. And, unlike so many re-births, this movie actually - you know what - if you've seen it and think it sucks - I understand. But don't judge me for loving the Italian Stallian.

I started to watch RUMOR HAS IT and it was even worse then I could have ever suspected. Mark Rafallo is a great actor - he must have had to take OxyCotten to get through this one. It went off after 20 minutes - after every single person involved had embarressed themselves on film forever.

And I don't care what anybody says, BAT OUT OF HELL 3 was great.