FUNNY GAMES, Call Girls, Geisha House and Weeds!

FUNNY GAMES (Original Version - DVD)
I know they made a remake of this – in fact, it’s next on my NETFLIX que – but in the meantime, if you can stomach a 30 minute opening of ratcheting tension that finally escalates into one of the most disturbing stories I’ve seen in ages – this is your film. My guess is the American version fucked this up somehow – but it was the original director and from what I have heard – a shot for shot remake. Nevertheless, this subtitled version that comes only with one dvd extra – a fascinating interview with the director, is a perfect film in many ways and a truly unforgiving one – it’ll stay with you for days.
Grade: A +

If you ever think you’re losing weight, try on a shirt in the TARGET dressing room – you will walk out of that mirrored funhouse with a completely different fucking opinion.

BIG BROTHER 10 (CBS)
Wow, ten seasons of treachery, back stabbing and insanity! So far, season 10 is the weakest edition in a very long time. The characters are truly boring, the games boring – no twists or tweaks to the game – I’m watching – but for how long I can’t really say. Bring back Dr. Will and Mike Boogie!
Grade: C -

Speaking of which…last week I had a spectacular dinner over at Mike “Boogie” Malin and Lonnie Moore’s great sushi and party house.


GEISHA HOUSE (Sushi/Fusion Japanese food and major bar scene)
6633 Hollywood Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90028
(323) 460-6300
www.dolcegroup.com/geisha
• Hours:
Mon-Sun 6:00 p.m.-2:00 a.m.

Since I’ve been dieting over the summer, I had a pretty light, but insanely delicious meal. I had the Shisito Peppers sautéed in soy and garlic – one of the best things I’ve ever had in my life. I had some other appetizer with albacore tuna and crunchy things, I had the chix karage (chicken with phenomenal dipping sauces) and a variety of perfectly selected sashimi. Best of all, I had the company of Lonnie and Boogie throughout the meal. It had been so long since I’ve been to Geisha, I’d forgotten how much I love it, and was happy that it still appears to be the place everyone goes to – as the resturaunt was packed to the rafters in it’s (3rd?) year of business. My highest recommendation. Get the Shisisto Peppers.
And a huge BIRTHDAY shout out to one of my favorite people – Mike “Boogie” Malin.
Grade: A +


GONE BABY GONE (DVD)
Awesome directorial debut from Ben Affleck (maybe fucking Jimmy Kimmel knocked the artistry back into him.) Far from a vanity project, this is a seriously gritty mystery about a missing baby starring Ben’s brother, Casey (excellent) as a truly two-bit private eye hired to help find the missing kid. Acting greats everywhere on display, from Amy Ryan’s perfect turn as a coke-addled mom to Morgan Freeman’s virtuious police captain. Ed Harris and John Ashton (yeap – the guy from BEVERY HILLS COP) each do great turns as the cops who get too involved in this case. For the first 45 minutes this is another episode of tv. From there on, it becomes a great movie with twists and turns up its sleeve you never see coming. Not much in the way of extras and the movie is sorely missing a commentary track from Affleck, who maybe let the film speak for itself. From Affleck’s interviews and tv appearances, he probably made the right move.
Grade: B +


BEST WEEK EVER (VH1)
Is still the best and funniest of all the weekly round up shows. If not for this show, I would’ve never seen Jesse Jackson lean over to his associate and whisper “Barack is talking down to black people. I want to cut his nuts off.” But that comment didn’t fool me – I’ve known Jesse Jackson was an asshole for decades. Remember “Hymietown?”


SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL (SHOWTIME)
A very upscale call girl, that is. Far from the depths of HBO’s ongoing call-girl docus, this frothy half hour makes fucking for money seem way funner than it can possibly be. Nothing seems to affect the star of this show – and I don’t mean that in a good way. The English accents help put a light spin on the subject and the “Sex and the City” style narration and breezy direction all make for a somewhat fun and sexy half hour. But this is mostly bullshit, with ideas of prostitution that are as old as the Three Wise Men.
Grade: C


WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
The new season has fit in everything from Albert Brooks, to euthanasia to the Mexican Border Patrol. Amazingly, it all still works its own logic and the leads still pull it off. I still wish they’d put back the title song. Better yet, the new storyline regarding Andy’s new business and the maternity shop are right on the money.
Grade: A


RODGER DODGER (SHOWTIME)
I had no idea what this movie was, and it sat in my DVR for the last 5 months. I finally watched it. Wow. It was like spending a night out with the Jason Patrick character from FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS. Which is to say the lead character played by Cambell Scott is one of your more aggressive male types, and giving him a night with his 16 year old nephew to try and get him laid – pure genius. The kid has a surprising amount more game than we expect (he gets to make out with an unrecognizable Jennifer Beals) and Roger is hilarious, profane and pathetic. God bless independent film.
Grade: A


COMING SOON (IFC)
On the other hand, you also get this dreck which purports to be about young women and sex and the first time and life….it’s really about somebody who had money to shoot their own piss poor script – and shoot it incompetently they did. You have a few young fetching girls having sex in every other scene – and this mother fucker is unwatchable.
Grade: F


CONVERATIONS WITH OTHER WOMEN (IFC)
Agreeable, but worthless.
Grade: D


CELEB FAMILY FEUD (NBC)
This week it was THE OFFICE vs. AMERICAN GLADIATORS. It was very weird - the characters from all the shows were called by their characters names – and supposedly were supposed to perform IN CHARACTER. Well – The Gladiators did it – but – who are they playing anyway. I loved the fact that the side characters from THE OFFICE didn’t try to be their characters. (They had all the people you’d expect – Kevin, Creed, none of the principals.) Then the cast of EARL came out – and so help me God, they did the whole thing in character and it kinda/sorta worked – the biggest obstacle to the entire thing is the man himself – Al Roker. What happened to Al Roker? He used to come on the Howard Stern show and be really funny. Now he’s just a jumbled mess of bad jokes, bad puns, awful fake laughter – just a fucking mess. He makes Byron Allen seem like Bryant Gumbell. It’s weird. You almost kind of have to see it to believe the sickening sight of Al Roker walking around this god-awful production.
Grade: Z (it’s in its own category)
UPDATE: I saw the edition with the Ed McMahon family – Jesus.


ROMAN POLANSKI “Wanted & Desired” (HBO DOCU)
This is a fascinating nearly 2 hour look at the entire life and criminal case of Roman Polanski. The genius director behind CHINATOWN, ROSEMARY’S BABY and THE PIANIST (and many, many others.) He was married to the gorgeous Sharon Tate – while he was away on business she was butchered at one of the Beach Boys’ houses by a pack of killers sent by Charles Manson (who was pissed that they wouldn’t use one of his songs on their upcoming album – true story.) Sometime after the death of his wife, Roman found himself doing a photo layout with a 13 year old girl – he gave her drugs and alchohol and ended up having sex with this minor in a Jacuzzi. The docu brings a lot of facts to the case that I had either never heard or forgotten, and also brings us the adult woman who was at the center of the crime – who now seems to be over the incident, very philosophical about Roman but in no way condones what he did – she just questions the level of the crime. Whatever you think of the crime, and Roman was very upfront about what he did – never thought it was okay after the fact and was resigned to the 2 year parole sentence he was to be given – until a picture of him at Oktoberfest appeared somewhere that had him drinking beer with 2 women – it was an event he was dragged to during the making of a film, someone snapped a picture – and it infuriated the judge to the point that he was to throw Polanski in prison. You can get the rest from the docu, but fascinating and very well told and directed study of this truly sensational headline grabbing event before the world of TMZ.
Grade: A


MICHAEL CLAYTON (DVD)
I don’t go to the movies much as I prefer DVD with my own sound system. That said – wish I would’ve seen this sooner – the best George Clooney film ever made – the best acting Clooney’s ever done (besides early seasons of E.R) in his entire career – and the best script he’s ever had the good sense to attach himself to. I doubt he’ll ever be this smart again (See: LEATHERHEADS for George’s idea of a good time. Yikes.) Watching those clips of Clooney and Renee Zelwigger trading those zany zingers must be what if feels like to put a gun to one’s own head. That fiasco aside (let’s not even get into Clooney’s take on BATMAN or O, BROTHER) – but in this, Clooney has finally, finally found a perfect character for the superficial dude we all thought he was – and he’s brilliant in the role. Also brilliant is Doug Wilkins, and the screenplay is nearly perfect. With the exception of a slightly predictable ending, this is a towering achievement for everyone involved. Okay Clooney, get back to your next remake of a bad 50’s movie with you doing snappy, romantic dialog that makes the audience want to vomit in their own mouths. But for now:
Grade: A


KIMMEL LIVE! (ABC)
I missed it the first time around, but Jimmy Kimmel was hilarious with Barack Obama and John McCain. I have to say – Barack is definitely funnier and more quick witted than I ever would’ve guessed, and McCain was a few beats behind, but very game. Mostly it was Jimmy who shined and he was able to bring us both candidates in a real and vivid way that all the debates in the world couldn’t do. I think the winner of the election should have to be interviewed by the superheroes from across the street about crime. Jimmy was also hilarious recently with Justin Timberlake and Kim Kardashian. Kardashian came out claiming that her sister was going to jail the next day and her mother didn’t know what to be – happy for Kim to finally land on Jimmy’s show – or sad for her sister going to jail. Jimmy replied “I’m no expert in these matters, but she should probably be sad for your sister.” After Kim explained that she’s proud of her sister for dealing with this situation, Jimmy quipped “There comes a time when every parent must watch their child go off to jail.”
Grade: A +


BILLY JOEL “THE STRANGER” reissue (AUDIO – FIND ON AMAZON)
I can’t really tell you how the new mix is on the classic CD because it sounded really good to me – nice and vibrant and it’s great to hear all those old great songs in their original order with the STRANGER whistling in and out of the CD, but some were complaining that the new release caters to mp3s and dulled some of the subtleties in the mix – so - if u’re into such things, you may want to hold on to your previous edition CDs and still keep the new one, which sounds great. THE STRANGER is a fantastic album and it should be heard by everyone. It’s jarring because I always seem to remember the album opening with The Stranger – I had forgotten that it opens with MOVIN’ OUT – which still sounds great – I imagine it must’ve been the single so they wanted it up front – but it’s great when it then moves into the STRANGER – he should do concert where he does THE STRANGER and then 52nd STREET after intermission. Anyway – great CD. Then I listened to the bonus live CD, a recording from Canargie Hall that’s never shown up anywhere – and it’s in pristine shape – and the whole thing is a complete revelation. All the old songs rendered with an orchestra and it really is a joy – particularly hearing the slightly different take on “Just The Way You Are.” If you buy this certain places there is a bonus CD with 5 songs from an often-bootlegged 77 Nassau Coliseum concert – only the songs here sound perfect in their mastering and it’s like hearing it for the first time. I know this comes with a DVD of their KING BISCUIT FLOWER HOUR one hour appearance, but I haven’t seen it yet. But based on everything I’ve heard thus far: also taking into account that it’s a gorgeous package on every level with a few unadvertised extras that are all good: But – for the record – the bonus concert audio disc here is the true revelation. It’s worth the entire price of the package.
Grade: A +

For the record, here is my dream Billy Joel show – keep in mind I’m leaving out a bunch of song that he’s been doing in every show since 1977, so no “Piano Man” in this list:
This would be my 18 song set: (in no particular order)
1 Why Judy, Why,
2 I’ve Got to Begin again
3 Great suburban showdown
4 Roberta
5 James
6 Los Angelinos
7 Get it right the first time
8 Code Of Silence
9 Rosalinda’s Eyes
10 Everybody Has A Dream
11 Half a mile away
12 Don’t want tot be alone anymore
13 C’et Tu’
14 Closer to the borderline
15 Through the long night
16 Where’s the orchestra?
17 Sleeping with the tv on.
18 Famous Last Words


30 DAYS (FX)
After the truly emotional tail of the game hunter who lived with the animal rights activists, the last two shows never reached that level of intensity. “GUN CONTROL” had some young attractive woman living in the house of a gun toting older family and she ultimately gave in and even shot the gun a few times. In “SAME SEX PARENTING” it was slightly shocking that the woman they sent to live with the gay couple and their adopted son never once broke her character and left thinking that all the gays were in sane – frankly, was a disappointment. But, this will be missed until next summer, and even though they’re not all winners, the good ones are seriously good –
Grade: B +


"Steve Winwood "Nine Lives" 2008
I guess the big deal is that Steve is 100 years old or something and he's still singing. The truth is, his voice is in fine shape. The songs - that's another story.
Grade: C -


HELL’S KITCHEN (FOX)
The wrong person won. Seriously. Based on what I saw – based on who seemed more likable – I just think Petroza had it by a mile. Plus, I couldn’t stand that girl who won. She was full of herself, completely unassertive in the kitchen, couldn’t handle people well – and seemed annoying. Petroza seemed reasonable, seasoned – it almost seemed as if the chef went for the young pretty thing instead of who deserved to win. I’m boycotting. The prize was that they get to be executive chef at his new L.A. eatery – I refuse to go. Unless someone else is buying.
Grade:
SEASON: B
FINAL HOUR: C –


DAVID’S EMMY PICKS:
Best Series, Drama
'Boston Legal'
'Damages'
'Dexter'
'House'
'Lost'
'Mad Men'
With the exception of BOSTON LEGAL, any of these shows winning would make sense – DAMAGES was a real thriller, DEXTER was dazzling this year – although it took quite a few eps to get going, HOUSE rocked and stunned with a nervy two part season finale, LOST was great but I thought it sort of lost its way with the two hour finale, and finally – MAD MEN – an HBO worthy show that for nearly 13 episodes single handedly brought subtlety back to television. It’s a fine list, but whose cock did BOSTON LEGAL suck to keep getting nominated?

Best Series, Comedy
'30 Rock'
'Curb Your Enthusiasm'
'Entourage'
'The Office'
'Two and a Half Men'
I’ve only seen 2 eps of TWO AND A HALF MEN and – wow, what the fuck? 30 ROCK continues to be great, if slightly uneven, CURB had a really good, also uneven season, ENTOURAGE was okay this year, and I think THE OFFICE is headed straight off the rails, though the Jim/Pam stuff was pretty good. If I had to choose – I’d give it to the best comedy of the year – ALIENS IN AMERICA!

Best Actor, Drama
James Spader, 'Boston Legal'
Bryan Cranston, 'Breaking Bad'
Michael C. Hall, 'Dexter'
Hugh Laurie, 'House'
Gabriel Byrne, 'In Treatment'
Jon Hamm, 'Mad Men'
Well – Spader should be hung after robbing Gandolfini last year – though his speech was hilarious – so let’s take him right off the table. Fine actor – very wobbly show. Cranston is good in BAD – but the show never quite found its legs. Michael Hall towers as DEXTER – and I’d be fine with him winning. Same with Hugh Laurie – who – if he hasn’t gotten one of these yet – is overdue. Sadly, I missed IN TREATMENT (but plan to catch up) and Jon Hamm was par excellence in MAD MEN. Lots of choices – the verdict – give it to Gandolfini after he was robbed last year. If he’s unavailabe – Hall, Hamm or Hugh will definitely suffice.

Best Actor, Comedy
Alec Baldwin, '30 Rock'
Tony Shalhoub, 'Monk'
Lee Pace, 'Pushing Daisies'
Steve Carell, 'The Office'
Charlie Sheen, 'Two and a Half Men'
Steve Carell’s schtick is now tiresome, Shaloub is great in MONK but sorry – that’s a one hour drama. Baldwin in 30 ROCK is fucking genius. It’s Baldwin’s game to lose.

Best Actress, Drama
Sally Field, 'Brothers & Sisters'
Glenn Close, 'Damages'
Mariska Hargitay, 'Law & Order: Special Victims Unit'
Holly Hunter, 'Saving Grace'
Kyra Sedgwick, 'The Closer'
All great, but Glenn Close blew me away this year. It’ll be close, but in the end, it should be Close.


Best Actress, Comedy
Tina Fey, '30 Rock'
Christina Applegate, 'Samantha Who?'
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, 'The New Adventures of Old Christine'
America Ferrera, 'Ugly Betty'
Mary-Louise Parker, 'Weeds'
UGLY BETTY is a one hour drama – and it plays like 4th year ALLY MCBEAL – so give me a break, though I do love America. Old Christine and SAMANTHA WHO are shows I don’t watch so – can’t really judge them fairly. WEEDS has been uneven – but Mary-Louise is right on the fucking money in that role – it’s her or Tina Fey – who is perfect in her show. Perfect. It could go to either.

Best Supporting Actor, Drama Series
William Shatner, 'Boston Legal'
Ted Danson, 'Damages'
Zeljko Ivanek, 'Damages'
Michael Emerson, 'Lost'
John Slattery, 'Mad Men'
Shatner has won ENOUGH. I don’t know who Zelijko played in DAMAGES and I watched every episode. Michael Emerson had a GREAT year on LOST – John Slattery is a fucking SCREAM on MAD MEN, but I think this might be Ted Danson’s year. Slattery’s after-hours office party should assure him the win. Though Danson was thrilling on DAMAGES – this is a hard one – but Ted or Slattery gets my vote.

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy Series
Jeremy Piven, 'Entourage'
Kevin Dillon, 'Entourage'
Neil Patrick Harris, 'How I Met Your Mother'
Rainn Wilson, 'The Office'
Jon Cryer, 'Two and a Half Men'
My choice would the guy who voices Stan’s father on SOUTH PARK for his work in the “THE INTERNET IS GONE” episode of SOUTH PARK this year. As far as Rainn Wilson goes, he RUINS the “Office” – overacting often does. His kind of overacting should get motherfuckers arrested. And to watch Piven’s satisfied strut to the podium – I’d rather watch all 13 hours of JOHN FROM CINCINATTI with subtitles in one sitting.

Best Supporting Actress, Drama Series
Candice Bergen, 'Boston Legal'
Rachel Griffiths, 'Brothers & Sisters'
Chandra Wilson, 'Grey's Anatomy'
Sandra Oh, 'Grey's Anatomy'
Dianne Wiest, 'In Treatment'
All good – all deserving. Give it to Edie Falco. For her Carmella, she deserves the award for the next 10 years. If that doesn’t work, give it to my mom for acting as if I’m a normal child for years.

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy Series
Kristin Chenoweth, 'Pushing Daisies'
Jean Smart, 'Samantha Who?'
Amy Poehler, 'Saturday Night Live'
Holland Taylor, 'Two and a Half Men'
Vanessa Williams, 'Ugly Betty'
SNL is a comedy series like DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES is a comedy – but – all that said – and I LOVE Holland Taylor ever since BOSOM BUDDIES – Poehler is the funniest woman alive right now. To call SNL a comedy series is fucking retarded – but – nothing could be worse for this planet than Vanessa “unfunny” Williams picking up a statuette in the half hour category for her god-awful over-the-top insanity in UGLY BETTY, a 60 minute DRAMA (yes, with highly questionable comedy.)

Outstanding Reality Competition Program
'American Idol'
'Dancing With the Stars'
'Project Runway'
'The Amazing Race'
'Top Chef'
MY PICK: THE TWO COREYS!

Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program
Ryan Seacrest, 'American Idol'
Tom Bergeron, 'Dancing With the Stars'
Howie Mandel, 'Deal or No Deal'
Heidi Klum, 'Project Runway'
Jeff Probst, 'Survivor'
Gordon Ramsey for “Hell’s Kitchen” Seacrest is a fucking tool.

Best Made for Television Movie
'A Raisin in the Sun'
'Bernard and Doris'
'Extras: The Extra Special Series Finale'
'Recount'
'The Memory Keeper's Daughter'

I LOVE EXTRAS. But how in the fuck was that a television movie? It was a one hour cap to a tv show. Why not nominate the SEINFELD finale in this category? It was an hour! (actually – the Seinfeld ending was – at that point – the biggest dissapointment in my adult life. Don’t worry – since then, I’ve had many more bigger more disturbing disappointments.) I mean, who’s in charge of categorizing shows – how is a series finale that goes 40 minutes longer than its usual time slot a made for tv movie? Have we all gone mad, people? (But I did love that finale, even if it was a lot more mawkish than the series ever was.)

Best Variety, Music or Comedy Series
'Late Show With David Letterman'
'Real Time With Bill Maher'
'Saturday Night Live'
'The Colbert Report'
'The Daily Show With Jon Stewart'
MY PICK: KIMMEL LIVE!

Best Writing, Variety, Music or Comedy Program
'Late Night With Conan O'Brien'
'Late Show With David Letterman'
'Saturday Night Live'
'The Colbert Report'
'The Daily Show With Jon Stewart'
Jimmy Kimmel and his team of crack writers for the perpetually snubbed KIMMEL LIVE!
If Spader and Shatner walk away with the statues again this year, this will be my final year of watching the Emmy Awards ever.


BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke moves out and gets her own place in this highly scripted, still enjoyable extension of HOGAN KNOWS BEST. Brooke is a much less compelling figure than Hulk and his wife, Linda – so my guess is that the focus of the show will be Brooke fucking up and the parents swooping in to teach her lessons about life. While the brother Nick rots away in prison for putting his friend in a coma. Good stuff. I watched the second episode with mom visiting…the real story here is the Hogan divorce – I guess this is the only way to see it. But you can get more dish on the divorce by listening to an hour of BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE (Sirius Satellite) than you can on this overly scripted “reality” show. And Brooke is a real fucking annoyance.

As far as reality shows go, THE REAL WORLD had an ok wrap up, but was much better a few weeks ago. In the meantime – I think I LOVE MONEY is alright, and FROM G’S TO GENTS is even better.

I also saw THE DARK KNIGHT (in a theatre no less!) and I’ll review it in my next blog.


ONLY READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ARE STILL AS INSANE AS ME AND FOLLOWING THE MEATLOAF/ JIM STEINMAN SAGA:
On his latest blog, Steinman fires what appears to be a pretty tough shot to the heart of Meatloaf and BAT 3 – maybe I’m crazy – you tell me if Mr. Steinman thinks Bat 3 is shit:
THE FOLLOWING EXCERT IS FROM JIM STEINMAN’S BLOG:
Hi! I swore Id never do this but here it is!! I wrote these lyrics off the top of my head, stream of consciousness style. SO its not even first draft! But I thought it'd be interesting to get your responses. JUST THE LYRICS! Dont even imagine the music, unless you want to. Read it & if u want, please write SPECIFIC detailed observations....each & every line if u wish......I hope you like it.

THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND

I will decorate this city
With Ribbons Of Blood
I will find the endless tears
Soon to be a flood
I will conjure up the magic
Far beyond your sight
I’ll illuminate this city
With the ascension of the light

Eternal terrors hold us down
Keep us plodding in the mud
I WILL DECORATE THIS CITY
IN RIBBONS OF BLOOD.

Broken hearts
Are the Devil’s Playground
Shattered dreams
Disillusioned youth
And all of man
Is the Devil’s Playground
Shameless lies
And Shameful truth

Trembling hands
Are the Devil’s Playground
Empty plans
And hollow hopes
ETERNAL TERRORS HOLD US DOWN
AND WE’LL ALL BE DROWNING IN THE MUD!
I will decorate this city
With ribbons of blood………………


In the blink of an eye
All is lost
The storms they rumble
And the winds are tossed
In the blink of an eye
You’re a sad old man
Trying to remember
Whatever you can
In the blink of an eye
Death will clutch you
No respect
For fortune or Fame
In the blink of an eye
It all awaits you
Thousand of tombstones
Waiting for the names
Just waiting for the names

(soft)
No matter
How tragic the loss
No matter
How heavy the cost
To this very day
I can stand tall and say:
I fought for Paradise
But Paradise lost
I fought for Paradise
And Paradise lost.
It wasn’t your fault or mine
Wasn’t this it wasn’t that
But Paradise lost
In the final at bat
Paradise lost
In the last at bat.

(DARK.)