JZ leaves GLAM GOD! The fix is in!

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (NBC)
Was not horrible this week. Tina Fey was funny as Sarah Palin. There were some funny sketches. I already forgot who hosted but I remember Duffy being kind of great. Is this show every going to be great again? It’s been five or so years since they’ve had a decent season. Hmm…and Seth Myers was made head writer a few years ago….
Grade: C -


GLAM GOD (VH1)
Wha’ happened! So long, Jess! JZ finally got the boot even though I liked her designs a lot better than some of those that stayed – but still, she came in fifth place! She should’ve won, but – this is a reality show. By the way, for those of you watching – how much of a fucking douchebag is Ignashio, the constipated odd looking bald buck-toothed bi-sexual cowboy? If he wins it must be because they all felt sorry for him. Still, Jess went out in great style and humor, and in the mind of the DIGITAL COUCH, Jess wins!
Grade: A
Jess Zaino: A+


WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
After a reinvented season where the focus of the show was a little unclear, WEEDS turns out to have many tricks up its sleeve in its last batch of first run episodes. The last three eps of this were absolutely hilarious, profane, morally ambiguous and terrifically exciting. With a doozey of a cliffhanger and many situations resolved and new ones revived (does Andy really love Nancy?) – I can hardly wait for season 6. Who knew after 5 seasons this show had this much life left in it? Kudos to the creative team for allowing the show to evolve to this point. Mary Louise Parker continues to amaze as Nancy Botwin. And Kevin Nealon brought his character to an all new low this season – fantastic.
Grade: A


BRIAN WILSON “LUCKY OLD SUN” (AUDIO CD)
Kind of a cool concept CD without many great songs. It’s short – on the 32 minute side – and there are flashes of old Beach Boys genius in the air – but really, this feels more like a one-off novelty than anything else. Not as good as SMILE and nowhere near as good as his 86’ self-titled masterpiece, BRIAN WILSON.
Grade: C


THE EMMY AWARDS (ABC)
This is not good. A few people scored. Bob Hope, Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Jimmy Kimmel, Ricky Gervais….can’t think of anyone else. Most of it was unwatchable – the 5 hosts looked so insanely out of place that they should’ve probably been replaced during the broadcast. You know things are bad when Ryan Seacrest comes off as the most polished. But don’t blame them – blame the guy who thought that putting 5 reality hosts to run the Emmys was a good idea. The Josh Groban thing with him singing all the themes – well, that was just unfortunate and I’m sorry we all had to witness that. The DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES bullshit presentation made me sick and that weird move of Marcia Cross kissing Dana Delaney – it was just really cringe inducing. I’ve been watching the Emmys since I have been watching TV, and last night’s show was even worse than last year – which was the worst of all time. ABC – just imagine if you had your late night host - Jimmy Kimmel, did a superb job with NIGHT OF STARS - imagine if you had that guy actually hosting your show? Kathy Griffin was embarrassing, as was a dazed looking Christian Slater. As the night wore on, the jokes – those bad fucking jokes – they just grew worse and worse, and once again, THE AMAZING RACE won the Emmy for like – the 5th time in a row. Have you seen the show? It’s good but – 6 times? Is it THAT AMAZING? And Bryan Cranston over Jon Hamm? What is up with that??? Lastly, Heidi Klum might be the worst Emmy host, ever. She's fine on Project Runway - but my God, she was no camera-ready last Sunday night.
Grade: D


JIMMY KIMMEL’S NIGHT OF STARS (ABC)
In a zany take off of the pre-Oscar Barbara Walters special, Jimmy interviews a bunch of celebs but rather than a straight forward approach, this is satire in which Jimmy satirizes Walters in an attempt to get these celebs to cry. He was hilarious with Mike Phelps, asking him if there was a “little mermaid” in his life. The interview also included a hysterical parody of GREYS ANATOMY starring Phelps that’s probably making the rounds on YOUTUBE if you want to see it. When he introduced Tracey Morgan, he claimed that the job on SNL “got his family off welfare – 8 months later.” He also added that for 30 ROCK, Tracey was “almost nominated for an Emmy.” He even made Mr. Morgan cry, which lead to a tender embrace. He then egged Tracey on to destroy the set of “How I Married Your Mother” screaming about “Doogie Houser!” Morgan followed suit – with a baseball bat to that set. Ben Stein made a funny appearance, followed by a hilarious one-on-one with Selma Hayek that lead to a great singing duet between Jimmy and Selma in which Jimmy kept pleading for Selma to take her shirt off. That lead to a full blown musical number which probably should’ve been included in the actual Emmy telecast. The show concluded with Jimmy interviewing the 5 reality show hosts about what they planned for the Emmys – which was much funnier than anything the useless reality hosts actually did on the actual show. Why ABC didn’t just have Jimmy host the awards show is beyond me, but even if he does next year, I’d still love to see this hour become a perennial.
Grade: A +

MAD MEN (AMC)
Don Draper is finally called out on his bullshit by his wife. Jon Hamm is so good in this role it saddens me that I published a blog a few months ago that referred to Jon as PETER HAMM. My apologies to Jon – as he’s one of my very favorite actors working today and his performance not only should’ve taken home the Emmy Sunday night, but he’s now created the most interesting character on TV since Tony Soprano. And this show, by getting into some of the other characters and constantly upping the ante of what’s come before, has again become the event of the season.
Grade: A +


OASIS “NEW CD” (AUDIO CD)
I went into this skeptically. I’ve been a huge fan of OASIS since WONDERWALL and the MORNING GLORY CD. I even stayed with them through their last few worthless CDs. Up until about 3 CDs ago, they still managed to pull off a cool song here and there. But the last few yielded not one memorable tune. Not one. They went from cool pop songs with a Beatles-esque flair to bad harder-rock with useless Beatles-esque flairs. This new CD, their newest in years – blows. Hard. Not one fucking likable song. Well – there is ONE song that comes close to reminding me of why I used to love this band in the first place. But it’s not even that good. This is like – Dylan’s 80s period – just a string of one useless CD after the other. And they are so arrogant that when they go on tour they refuse to play the songs we like, opting for a full recreation of their latest piece of garbage. This new CD is basically like – hard guitar rock mixed with every old Beatles sound-effect that they could take out of context and drop it into their music as if would breathe life into this most careless collection. Track 5 is the only redeemable moment in this turgid hour. Will they ever make a good record again?
Grade: D –
THAT ONE SONG: B -


DANCING WITH THE STARS (ABC)
Ted McGinley got old and started wearing a very strange wig. But very likable. Jeff Ross was funny, Kim Kardashian looked downright retarded, with that strange bob of a haircut and her cold facial expressions. Chloris Leachman was funny, Susan Lucci was not. Brooke Burke might be the most dazzling woman on planet earth. But I can’t review the dancing – I truly know nothing of dance. I can only review the overall impact of the show. And I’ve always liked DANCING best when they give us what we want – true B-listers slumming it and making us remember what we loved about them while showing us how graceful they are. But this season, it seems like I don’t know half of these “stars” and to be honest – once the people I know are gone, I don’t stick around to find out who wins.
Grade: C
UPDATE: Now Kim Kardashian is gone. So am I.

BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)
I think the reason I’ve been so hard on this show over the years is because it comes so frustratingly close to being great, yet it absolutely refuses to yield it’s “comedy” to let the drama breathe. And yes, there are moments of true wit, and yes, Spader and Shatner truly have unbelievable chemistry. But imagine if this had been set in the real world instead of this post-Ally McBeal weirdo universe. I remember the last season of McBeal, when a character would walk in the room they had this sort of, sound-off of all the character tics. The one guy would whistle, the dragon lady would hiss, someone would swoop their necks – all in drama-killing sound effects. This is essentially the same show with a classier cast and issue-oriented cases (mostly.) Shatner is great as Denny Crane, but they overplay his shtick shamelessly. James Spader, who seems to be finally underplaying Alan just a little bit, is undeniably great as Alan – but this show – in its last season, never cared enough about these characters to draw a real storyline – it’s just like, bad sitcom ideas with some juicy courtroom drama. Anyway, I’m sure I will watch this season to see what happens – but, if only the producers would just trust the acting and the stories to carry this instead of the Catskills Comedy vibe that infects every episode.
Grade: C +

UPDATE: BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)
So – fucking BOSTON LEGAL bounced back the next week with an insanely good story that tackled the voting age, a little girl’s rape and a case against the big pharmaceutical companies – and it was great. They even made some inside jokes about this being their last year (Shatner asked “Can’t we try another time slot?”) but I have to admit – this was a great, gripping episode that definitely showed why Shatner and Spader have walked off with so many Emmys.
Grade: B +


TaLK TO ME (HBO)
Don Cheadle stars as real-life radio trailblazer Ralph "Petey" Greene, a high-school dropout and charismatic ex-con who leveraged a prison disc jockey gig into a stint at a Washington, D.C., radio station, a television show and an invitation to the White House. Don Cheadle is electrifying in the role, and the first hour of this film, which charts Greene’s ascension from Jail to radio star is fantastic. And then the film takes a completely unexpected turn (at least to me) and becomes less electrifying but very interesting. The supporting cast is stellar, and I personally thought this was going to be some kind of Howard Stern PRIVATE PARTS retread – but it’s completely original and real and highly recommended.
Grade: B


ENTOURAGE (HBO – 3rd episode)
Vince agrees to come to a sweet 16 for an appearance fee and Ari gets into an escalating war with his long time rival agent, Davies. This was the best of the first batch of 5th season eps, and the sweet 16 girl was hilarious and the place that Ari’s war goes was surprising, although – Ari is seen without his car at the end saying “there was a problem” that seemed to get left on the cutting room floor. Still – this was a particularly good episode.
Grade: A -

UPDATE: Next Episdoe.
ENTOURAGE (HBO – 4th episode)
Finally, after all that talk and wish fulfillment of the boys – we are returning to my favorite topic of ENTOURAGE – the art of the deal. This ep, which had Ari and Vince trying to sell SMOKEJUMPERS while E. tried to weasel out of his commitment to Vince’s old agent (I forget her name) – was awesome. Not a huge fan of Giavani Ribisi – but otherwise – these are killer eps.
Grade: A


DON’T FORGET THE LYRICS! (FOX)
The only thing more annoying than the two singing sisters was Wayne Brady himself. I would probably like this show if not for Brady. He’s either the most useless, phoniest guy in Hollywood, or just doing a great impression of it. The two sisters on the show I watched were so unbearable, seriously – did anybody see them? Yet I love the idea of this show. Replace the host and I’d watch it every week. Wayne Brady is to comedy what Adolph Hitler is to comedy.
Grade: C -


KITCHEN NIGHTMARES (FOX)
Chef Ramsey had his toughest challenge yet with an incredibly arrogant young chef, and this continues to be one of the best reality shows on TV. Every episode is usually packed with great stuff and Ramsey is a great reality star. Funny, quick witted and real – although I still think the wrong person won last summers HELL’S KITCHEN.
Grade: A


ER (NBC)
ER debuted to their 15th and final season with a frantic and somber tale about Greg Pratt, who’s been on the show for 7 seasons. No spoilers – but this was as harrowing and tense hour as the show has had in a long time.
Grade B +


THE OFFICE ( NBC)
Would do you say about a show that believes itself to be the funniest show on television, but – in actuality – is one of the least funny shows on television?
Grade: C –


WAITRESS (HBO)
I loved this movie. I loved the story, I loved the theme – I especially loved the dialog. The dialog was as good as it gets in a wistful tale like this. At one point, Kerri Russel, who plays the married pregnant lead perfectly (and seems light years away from her FELICITY role,) is having this sort-of platonic relationship with a married man and they talk a lot in these scenes but it’s great talk. Kerri says in a VOICE OVER: “I became addicted to talking to him. And addicted to my words meaning something to someone.” The life observations in this are also real, shrewd and dead-on. At one point, Russel’s oafish husband, played to absolute perfection by Jeremy Sisto, doing yet another totally original take on the asshole, is having sex with her and asks her to talk dirty. She replies “what do you want me to…” and she’s interrupted by him finishing. This is just a great film and I really loved every single second of it. The director and co-star, Adrien Shelley did a superb job with this film, and days before its release she was killed in her apartment by a construction worker she had a beef with. I’m sketchy on the exact details – but – Jesus. In any case, I doubt she’d want the review to focus on her death, but if felt irresponsible not to mention it. Either way, she left behind 3 kids, a husband and a perfect film.
Grade: A+


IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA (FX)
I always thought this show tried way too hard to be funny and endearing. I recently watched a fresh batch of eps and found that I’m still right – except that the show is a bit more funny and endearing than I initially gave it credit for. Either they’ve really improved, or they’re simply more confident now in their storytelling and point of view. Danny Devito, such an 80s sitcom star – is completely reinvented as the wretched father and even though the main cast still tries a bit too hard - it all sort of works much better now and I will be watching and maybe catching up with some previous episodes. I sort of like the audacity of the stories even if I’m not always crazy about the execution.
Grade: B


KIMMEL LIVE! (ABC)
Jimmy had a really funny sketch on the other night – first they showed Matt Damon talking really vaguely about Sarah Palin and how it’s like a bad Disney movie –then they put a faux promo together that – this is impossible to explain – but really funny. Jon Hamm was on the same show and was hilarious with Jimmy.
Grade: A

IN BRUGES (DVD)
A very slow start that builds to a real depth in this look at these 2 hitmen who are laying low In Bruges after they’ve just completed some hit. It’s not at all an issue based film, but rather – it’s rumination on friendship and violence, movie violence – but it does so entertainingly and even wistfully. This is a rather unusual film in which there is nothing I can think of in recent memory that really compares to it. It’s truly unique and original and it will stay with you longer than you suspect. And by the way – Colin Farrell – best role of his career. Rest of the fairly unknown cast is as good – just can’t remember all their names. Highly recommended.
Grade: B +


BILL MAHR (HBO)
Is a great show, but did he really have to call Sarah Palin a bimbo? What is he?
Grade: A


OUTSIDERS INN (CMT)
So fucking ridiculous. So overly and obviously badly scripted. It started out okay – but by now, the 5th episode in, you literally can’t believe what you’re watching and how contrived, set up and god-awful the whole production is. You have these insane incidents that would NEVER happen in real life, then you have the three idiots, Bobby Brown, Maureen McCormick (Marcia Brady) and Carnie Wilson doing testimonials about there “night in jail.” (Because Maureen – in an insultingly scripted scene – was dancing with a cowboy in this empty bar when their central-casting hussies came by to make trouble and Maureen announced “Let’s throw down now!”) Then they got taken to the slammer. So you had Marcia Brady and Carnie Wilson complaining about being in jail because Maureen doesn’t back down from a fight….this is a fucking insult and everyone involved with this show should be arrested.
Grade: F -


FAMILY GUY (FOX)
Reminded us why it’s one of the best half hours on Fox with their season premiere, in an episode that had Brian dressed as Snoopy (along with a Woodstock to complete the profane joke that followed,) Brian having sex with a civilian while Stewie proved himself to be more of a freak than ever, and ended with Cleveland (soon to be star of his own series) complaining that having sex with that woman is something he will never forget – she left him a genital wart. Brian and Cleveland looked at each other a long time after Cleveland revealed the information – and then Cleveland said “It hurts.”
Grade: A


THE SIMPSONS (FOX)
Another winner – from the 20th season premiere. Ned and Homer became bounty hunters and Marge took to baking for an erotic bakery. While I think they missed about half the jokes re: the bakery – this show, after all these years, is still rock solid.
Grade: A


AMERICAN DAD (FOX)
Not so much.
Grade: C -