Orphan (Horror (2009) (DVD)
One of the most wretched films I'll ever love. This 2 hour creepfest is a true bad movie masterpiece grounded heavily by a terrific set of performances by the parents, a twisted performance by the lead little girl playing the orphan, an absolutly ludicrous plot that will astonish and inspire some weird sense of awe, and basic good filmaking. As much as I despise the horrifying things that happen to the kids in this, I loved every second of it.
Grade: B +
Friday The 13th (2009 Remake HBO)
Terrible, terrible remake/reboot of the 80s film which spawned more than 10 sequels. The truth is, aside from a 2 minute nonsensical opening which referred to the opening film, there is absolutely nothing original about this. Bad script, bad direction and very bad kills. Worst of all, I can't see what really seperates this from any of the bad sequels, with the one exception that this might be the very worst of them all. BORING!
Grade: F
The Last House On the Left (DVD - 2009 remake)
Another huge surprise. Get the unrated version for all the nastiness in a well-mounted and very well acted film about a gang of hooligans who do the unthinkable to a pair of young women in the woods, then accidentily look for shelter in the home of the parents of one of the missing girls. This is a porn-torture film and particularly grisly in its unedited form, but also glorious in its ideas of retribution. Very well staged and actually improves on the Wes Craven classic from which this is inspired by.
Grade: A
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