THE DEPARTED

So - me & Jessica are headed to Maui for my birthday (her present to me) - so the blog won't be updated for about a week and a half. In the meantime, enjoy these reviews and post comments if you think they suck. Have a great week - the digital couch.

THE DEPARTED (In Theaters)
Directed by Martin Scorsese. Staring Leo, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin, Mark Wahlburg and Jack fucking Nicholson. I was hoping for GOODFELLAS with cell phones. What I got was a supremely well shot and well acted and well played chess match between the Irish mob and the police. The big problem: it was just that. There were no characters to root for - nobody to love - nothing that tapped into our own feelings about the subject matter....It was just - kind of empty. Gorgeous to look at - great dialog - but yet - I can't remember one single scene. It kind of reminded me of the new STAR WARS, LAND OF THE DEAD - all these directors returning to their roots and coming up empty. I was HOPING to LOVE this film - believe me - I own every Martin Scorsese movie there is - but this just doesn't make it. A diverting rental - sure. A new gangster classic? For that, check the new season of the Sopranos.
Grade: B -

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE (ABC)
Clocked in with a hilarious episode last night that parodied LOST with Billy Dee Williams - and Uncle Frank was truly insane last night in the best way.
Grade: A

FLAVA OF LOVE (VH1 - FINALE)
The best. I can't imagine a more vivid finale where everything happens that you could hope for - and then some. But here is the deal - I honestly - and I'm not kidding around here - I honestly think that NEW YORK truly needs serious mental help - she might needs years of intensive help. Her mother is insane and NEW YORK might even be more insane. She even scared the shit out of Flava - and that's not easy to do; but when he jumped off the boat - I was ready to do the same.

This is reportedly the very last season of the show - for those keeping score, VH1 has never seen ratings like this - and the finale came in as the most watched non sports program in the history of cable - or something like that. The point is - it was BIG. My prediction: we haven't seen the last of NEW YORK and Flav - there is a demented magic there that the network can't let go of. That said - I hope she gets help because she's a stunningly beautiful girl, but so deeply, deeply fucked up, it's a pity.
Grade: A

DIRTY (DVD)
Cuba Gooding Jr. gets his TRAINING DAY on. The problem: Cuba is so non-ghetto he can't even say "mother fucker" right.
Grade: D

THANK YOU FOR SMOKING (DVD)
Good movie. Funny. Over the top? Kind of - but it still works.
Grade: B

TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: SCARFACE (E!)
Great Docu on the landmark movie that was surprisingly good with testimonials from many of the stars, plenty of clips and plenty of crazy stories from the set. Best of all, it made me want to see the movie again - which I haven't seen in over ten years.
Grade: B -

THE BACHELOR (ABC)
What can I say - I love this show.
Grade: B +

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Has gotten diabolical. I'm so hooked.
Grade: A

THE SHIELD (3rd season DVD)
Opens up with a farily boring episode - but I remember very good things about this season.

WISEGUY & THE GIRL
The Girl has put a stop to the RAG TRADE ARC. I think she's had enough of Mr. Terranova - which breaks my heart - especially since the RAG TRADE is probably the last arc that was truly great and had a fantastic finish - but she'll never know - and the tv gods weep.
WISEGUY GRADE: A +
Jess' Decision: Grade: F!

WIFE SWAP
The "HOLLYWOOD" couple and the country bumpkins. This show is usually fun - but the "hollywood" wife and her parenting skills were really disgusting. And the country bumpkins could not have been more frightening.
Grade: B -

HOUSE OF CARTERS (E!)
Fun, but we've seen it all before - and this doesn't add much to the genre. These people are very dysfunctional - but it's getting old. And these guys are BARELY stars.
Grade: C -

WEEDS vol. 1 & 2 (CD)
If you like the show, you'll LOVE both cds. The first CD has the original LITTLE BOXES - the second CD features a fantastic version of LITTLE BOXES and the rest of the songs really evoke the mood of this great series.
Grade: A

ROGER WATERS: IN THE FLESH (CD)
Just as good as the dvd and taped over various nights.
Grade: A

SKINNY COW DIET CONES (IN YOUR GROCERY)
Move over Weight Watchers cones - the Skinny cow cones are one less gram of fiber - 10 more calories, and about 3 times as good. They have chocolate and - even better - vanilla with little caramel ribbons in the ice cream along wit that chocolate filled bottom - all at only 140 calories for this little slice of heaven.
Grade: A

NIP/TUCK (FX)
Continues it's descent into hell with another Rosie O' Donnel appearance as a woman who got "earjacked." Kimber is used and abused in a way completely inconsistent with the show - and Matt sleeps with Kimber - now making her have slept with every dude on the show.
Yikes. Someone should put this thing out of it's misery.
Grade: D

LOST (ABC)
LOST clocked in with a very good episode that was good for exactly the reasons the last 2 eps weren't. It concerned the castaways we love (and 2 we never even knew were there!) the flashback with Locke was actually used effectively - although why do they have to now say that Locke is a guy that nearly killed a cop with a shotgun? It's like - do we really need these characters to have been EXTRAORDINARY before the Island - I thought that some of the steam from this show came from the fact that the Island made them people they weren't before - so I had a bit of an issue with that development - but it was still light years better then the season opening 2 eps. I guess the two new goodlooking cast members were added since they killed so many off last year. I still think the show feels like there is no master plan left, but last night's show was a good solid ep and hopefuly is the beginning of a season.
Grade: B

E.R. (NBC)Still pumping. Forrest Whitaker might be one of the best actors alive. Here he plays a guy who had a stroke due to negligence of the ER - and the show is better for having him on. By the way - John Stamos is GREAT on the show - surprise, surprise.
Grade: A

THE OFFICE (NBC)
Another so-so episode - there was a very sly reference to the BBC series last night. The joke they were telling about the kid who ends up in the hospital and how the doctor won't treat them - was actually a partial joke from the BBC FINALE - in which David Brent was telling the joke in the last minutes of the show. Only someone who's watched the commentary on that episode would know that - and frankly, I feel like this season is trying to tap into some of the ideas of the BBC series. I didn't think the phone call between Jim and Pam was that big a deal - though NBC hyped it like the second coming.
Grade: B -

VERONICA MARS (CW)
Aside from Weevil getting really fat and Logan clearly just using Veronica at this point for sex, I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this show anymore. They mysteries are all really convoluted - and the campus rapist storyline feels really cheap. The banter and characters are still good - though a few new ones are trying REALLY hard to be funny - I think this show might've outlived it's usefulness.
Grade: C

Thought this was funny - BIFF from BACK TO THE FUTURE does stand up now and put together this song about the questions he keeps getting based on the popular trilogy.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y