The problems with LOST and NIP/TUCK.

LOST (ABC)
After a stellar first season and a brilliant second season - the third season slump started early for this once great show. These opening two eps were a real let down and I've been trying to figure out why. Here is what I think: the beauty of LOST used to be that these were characters we somewhat related to and cared about. And as they got to know each other, we got to know them. Add to the mix the strangeness and creepiness of the Island - and you have a great mix of elements.

Unfortunately - the third season forgets the beauty of getting to know new people. Season 2 intro'd us to a whole bunch of new, worthwhile characters (at least most of them - thank God Anna Lucia, the horridly badly cast role, is GONE). The problem with the new season I think falls into a couple of categories. First of all, the only new characters are "THE OTHERS." And frankly, "The Others" were a LOT more interesting the less we knew about them. Now that they're here - they all seem like various version of STEPFORD WIVES and it's just boring. Like bad science fiction. That's the problem with the OTHERS. Even when Ben was the locked up Henry Gale in the 2nd season, he was somewhat interesting. But now - he's like a really caricatured James Bond villain. He talks like a bad guy in BATTLEFIELD EARTH and erases all shreds of credibility the show once had. I don't know if it's the actor or the producers encouraging him to do this - but his acting like the head alien doesn't help the show. So "The Others" seem be to inhuman and Ben - seems to be a menacing robot that you might find in a late 80s bad horror movie.

Then you have our characters tied up in jails, pressing buttons for food - it seems like a really bad version of PLANET OF THE APES - THE SERIES. I don't believe the "guards" for a minute - it just seems really silly.

The show seems to have completely forgotten about some of our very favorite characters, like Hurley and Locke. They keep opening doors to story ideas that they'll probably never have the time to get to - they've left the Hurly's shrink is really in his mind idea as if we wouldn't remember that the show went out of it's way to say the entire series is in Hurley's head.

Worst of all, there is WAY too much contact with the outside world. They're watching tv, they're getting food, THE OTHERS seem to be directly plugged in - it seems like the only thing standing between them & rescue is key and a door. So now even the desperation of the situation is gone.

Can this show be saved? Only time will tell - but if anybody from ABC is reading this: STOP WITH THE FUCKING FLASHBACKS already that just add to a story we already know. What was innovative at first has grown weary and tired at this point.

What can I say - I used to love this show - I'd like to love it again. But they've made THE OTHERS bad sci-fi villains, forgot about the core characters - and, worst of all - escaping the island is no longer an issue. In a sense, the dread that was their plane crash was the real enemy, and by making escape seem SO easy and plausible, they've de-fanged their best villain.

Current Grade: C -


NIP/TUCK (FX)
While I'm guessing that LOST will eventually find its way, there seems to be no hope at all left for NIP/TUCK. What a shame. Their first season was great, the second season even better. Then the 3rd season came and the CARVER storyline dominated - and while some of it worked, much of it, most of it - did not.

This season was off to a fantastic start with a great first trio of eps that succssefully re-captured the first and second season glory with storylines that were sick, slick and very mindful of the relationship between Christian and Sean being the main drive of the show. But in the last three eps, they've taken back all that good will, and I don't think they'll ever get it back. The shark circled last week, but this week it bit, and next week's installment, with Rosie O'Donnel BACK! (Jesus) again - this time with no ear - saying she's been "ear-jacked."

When did things get this bad? Why did they involve Kimber with Matt and make Matt a senseless Scientologist who hates his parents (this was particularly badly written.) Why Rosie in what amounted to the most embarrassing cameo ever written and performed? (Rosie was a lotto winner who came into money and got tons of lippo - then when she came on to the show later, she was still fat as a horse - no logic.) She had a "funny" NY accent. Ughh. Now, she's back to further fuck up this show. The Sena/Christian/Larry Hagman triangle had promise - until Christian told almost anybody who asked him that he's fucking his bosses wife - and in both cases he was blackmailed.

Worst of all, every storyline Sean finds himself in, the Mexican Drug Dealer from season 1 comes back as his alter-ego and actually inserts himself into every single scene. So, as this night-nurse storyline could've been a great one, it was reduced to bad tv, watching the smirking character actor sitting at the table - and only Sean could see him....

Might be best to bring back the Carver this year and have him kill everybody - as I don't think the show can bear to go on anymore. What a let down. Even the "gay dream sequence" where Christian imagined having a gay life with Sean - could've been GREAT had they not made it every cliche' of the lifestlye. Ryan Murphy - the writer/creator of this show is GAY - he should know a thing or two about it - not populate his shows with the most juvenile ideas about the life choice. As bad as all that is, nothing compares to the absolute HORRENDOUS acting of BROOKE SHIELDS, playing Christian's crazy therapist. I'm not fucking kidding - Brooke "Suddenly Susan - the worst fucking actress and show of all time" Shields. And she's only gotten worse. Much worse. So bad that if her scenes were burned on a pyre the stench would still make one gag decades from now.

It's time for NIP/TUCK to take one last run at being solid again. It just doesn't seem very promising.

Current Grade: D -


UGLY BETTY (ABC)

I liked it - but not enough to continue watching. Seems more like a family show. But the appeal of the star is undeniable. I saw her on Jimmy Kimmel the other night and thought she was a real cutie pie - the transformation is pretty astonishing. I wish I got into the show a little more, but I'm not a young woman. Not anymore.

Grade: C +

NEW TARANTINO MOVIE!!!!
Here is the link to the trailer for the upcoming Tarantino/Rodriguez film GRINDHOUSE. I don't remember being this excited over a film since KILL BILL rocked the house. The trailer looks fucking great and the film stock, colors, etc. - looks like this could be the film to beat. I'm actually looking forward to seeing THE DEPARTED this weekend with The Girl. I heard SHORTBUS is great and disturbing, and I hear BORAT is the funniest film ever made.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUuuBe4Glmk

They just opened two phenomenal eateries on Melrose - PINKBERRYS - the greatest yogurt store to ever live, and M CHAYA - a completely macrobiotic (whatever that means) restaurant - it's basically veggie - though apparently fish aren't included in the cruelty free scenerio, as they have plenty of sushi. Highly recommended is the Shrimp/Avocado rolls - which are really cheap and really awesome. Their cherry chocolate cupcakes have turned my C's into D's.

WIFE SWAP (ABC)
The one where the professional eater trades with the fitness trainer. A rare ep that had very little conflict, but people that actually learned from each other and had respect. Also an ep that left me in tears as the 489 pound man gave up his eating and turned to the gym with the swapped wife's help. I forgot how much I like this show. Although I am I fan of the more conflicted episodes.
Grade: B

KIDNAPPED (NBC)
I had heard it was great - had 3 set up on my dvr - then watched it - not so much. It was kind of over the top, I didn't believe much of it - and Tim Hutton's gravely voice scared my cat. And in order to buy into the actual kidnapping, you have to believe that a major shootout on the L.A. freeway would go completely unnoticed. If you have a Jones for this type of show, VANISHED is where it's at.
GRADE: D

VANISHED (FOX)
No spoilers here - but a kick ass show it is. And it's particularly well cast. Gale Harrold - RIP. I didn't see it coming.
Grade: A

HEROES (NBC)
I finally watched the pilot - a real winner. I have to watch a few more to get a real feel for the show - but quirky, original, mysterious - this could be a major franchise. I see a long running series AND theatrical films based on this idea. But I do need to see more of them before I could review this proper, but - for now:
Grade: B +

SEINFELD (DVD - SEASON 3)
"The Parking Garage"
A GREAT episode from the reinvigorated 3rd season of one of the best sitcoms of all time - THE PARKING GARAGE had a great Larry David script, great direction from Tom Cherones and a brilliant plot of the gang being stranded in a mall parking garage. Readers of this blog know how much I love the dvd presentation of the series (except the endless piracy warnings that precede every episode) - this ep has a really informative commentary, a making of docu - apparantly it was incredibly hard to shoot that garage. They had to strike all the permanent sets and build it. I found out that Kramer really WAS lugging around an air conditioner that whole time (he wanted the real weight) and that the car not starting at the end was a brilliant accident.
Grade: A +

WISEGUY "THE RAG TRADE ARC" (DVD - SEASON 2)
"7th AVENUE FREEZE OUT"
Re-watching this arc with The Girl - I forgot how hammy Ron Silver could be, and how evil Stanley Tucci could play. This was one of the series very best arcs, even though main man Ken Wahl went AWOL for this arc due to a real life broken leg. Anthony Dennison, currently on THE CLOSER and occasionally on PRISON BREAK - and a fantastic guy - is brilliant as John Raglin, who comes in to pick up the pieces after Terranova has to sit this one out.
Grade: A

I PITY THE FOOL (TV LAND)
So, Mr. T finally gets another show after A TEAM. It's fun - surprisingly funny, and it's great to see Mr. T. healthy and alive.
Grade: C +

LUNAR PARK by Brett Easton Ellis (Print)
The opening chapters were great, but this got so self - indulgent. For a minute, you think he's writing about his real life - but then a real life PATRICK BATEMAN (the murdering yuppie from Easton Ellis' AMERICAN PSYCHO shows up and starts killing people - you know this guy is a little full of himself and the self indulgence eventually kills the book. Stopped me dead by page 100.
Grade: D

SKIN CITY by Jack Sheehan (Print)
Great expose' on all things sex-trade in Vegas - lots of chapters devoted to Ashlyn Gere - a 90s porn star whose star burns forever. It doesn't tell you much you don't already know - but a fun read, anyway.
Grade: B -

MATCH POINT (DVD)
Directed by Woody Allen and starring the girl from LOST IN TRANSLATION (whose name escapes me - oh yeah, Scarlett Johannsen) - this is one of the best from the Wood Man in YEARS. The English setting does a world of good as it seems to be the first Woody movie in a while to actually feel contemporary. The story is slow and takes it's time to unwind - but builds a lot of power in the process. The story itself seems to be a deliberate re-working of the director/writer/pedophile's own CRIMES & MISDERMEANORS (one of my very favorites) but this tale takes a nastier turn. It's far from great - but it's solid - and that's a lot more then I could say about the last 5 or so films from Woody Allen. So that's a lot.
Grade: B

THE KILLERS "Tom's Room" (CD)
Lyrics like Bruce, sound like U2 - great fucking cd. Better then the first.
Grade: B +

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Continues to get even better in it's second season. No spoilers - just a great show reaching it's creative potential.
Grade: A

ROGER WATERS - IN THE FLESH (DVD)
Seeing the PHENOMINAL show at the Hollywood Bowl - one of the best shows I've ever seen, re-interested me in this Roger Waters dvd - which is excellent - has lots of WALL and DARK SIDE songs - though in my opinion, could've used a bit more from THE WALL and even THE FINAL CUT. The 5.1 mix is genius - and at this point, I think next year we're all going to get the PINK FLOYD REUNION TOUR that we've all been waiting for. At least - you would think that there's WAY too much money to be made to persuade them to get it done. Not that you could notice here, as Waters' band and backup singers recreate Floyd brilliantly.
Grade: A

30 ROCK (NBC)
It's impossible not to compare this to STUDIO 60 - but the truth is - there is no comparison. This is a much better show on every level. The script, written by Tina Fey, and her character (who knew Tina could be so fetching) was smart, funny and seemed to come from a place of reality of knowledge about late nite tv, unlike STUDIO 60 - which is even more fictional then Sorkin's White House. Sorkin doesn't want his show within a show to look dumb - he wants it to be as brilliant as the writer's he's portraying. A, the portrayals aren't as brilliant as he thinks. B, even the best late nite shows, such as SNL, are usually hit and miss - Fey seems to know this - Sorkin seems to be on mushrooms.

But back to 30 ROCK - not only is this the best new sitcom to come along in a while, but there is much to marvel at here. Alec Baldwin, from his opening line of "Phil is dead - I'm the new head of Late Night programming" is in top form. He's really a pisser. Tracey Morgan - this might be the best role he's ever had. In his own words, he's "Hilaaarious." The shot of him walking down the busy street in his boxers holding a rod and screaming "I'm a Jedi, I'm a Jedi" - he is just so fucking funny.

Which leads me to the only distracting problem of the show - Jane Kcmarackaodaddack. (Is that how she spells it?) The chick from Ally McBeal ("Snappish" was her line that she rode for 6 seasons - 2 of them actually funny.)

Here's the problem - the role was originally supposed to go the brilliantly and always funny Rachel Dracht - one of the most talented people to ever come to SNL. But the network wanted someone funny AND hot. With Jane Kckramwabvsxlck, they have neither. She's certainly not funny, and her hotness reached it's peak in NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION (where she was hot and funny - but that was 20 years ago. Seriously - 20 years ago.)

So the idea is that Fey and Jane have been partners in showbiz for decades - yet - it doesn't work because it was supposed to be Rachel Dracht in that role - which would be much funnier, much more believable - and call me crazy, but I've always thought Rachel is a pretty girl in addition to being comic gold. So now Jane is in Rachel's role, and Rachel is reduced to these semi-funny but all too quick walk on's. The problem is that along with this great show - it has to now co-exist with Jace Kcmaaricack,dqa2w3 - who is kind of talented - but is badly, badly cast here. And that is the sole problem with this show. Otherwise it's a riot, and I'll watch every episode as long as it's at least as funny as the pilot.

Grade: B + (would've gotten an A if not for Jane KCdaearsdlkrjwe30985234mai8ck.)

TIME WASTER HERE:
For a truly addictive way to waste some time, play the online version of DEAL OR NO DEAL - I literally just won a million dollars! In fake money!
http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/game/flash.shtml

THE MEL GIBSON INTERVIEW (ABC GOOD MORNING AMERICA)
He seemed awfully defensive, embarressed - and he's still blaming the Jews! I swear. He better make another LETHAL WEAPON movie fast and just keep his mouth shut. Or he should start talking in that Aremeic language - that might be best. His interview, I think, probably made things worse. Now he looks like a certified nut sack.


NEW ADDITION TO THE BLOG!
You all know my good friend and media consultant, Anthony, who does some reviews here from time to time. But now Anthony has agreed to do a mostly weekly roundup of the ratings that will now be called:


ANTHONY'S RATINGS ROUNDUP
by Anthony.

Now that the dust has settled a bit, we have a view of the ratings landscape - and the networks are already making moves for November. However, some of these moves appear premature to us - and some don't make sense. Here's a network-by-network look at what's going on - and our take on it:

ABC

"Lost" seems to be lost. The one time ratings giant has fallen very quickly (keep in mind we're only in the beginning of season 3) - and we're seeing year-to-year erosion of 25% or more. While the American viewing public has shown they will stay invested in serialized dramas - how long can one go? A lot of these shows were done because of the success of Fox's "24" - but the brilliant producers of "24" are smart enough to know that they keep us for 22-24 episodes - but could you imagine if "24" was still fighting the battle from season one.
We predict ABC will re-tool the falling drama when it returns from its planned hiatus after November sweeps - and if they don't - we think "Lost" could be in real trouble by the end of season 4.

Besides the erosion of "Lost" this year, ABC hasn't been able to gain any kind of momentum with their new dramas "The Nine" or "Six Degrees." The latter will probably be h-i-s-t-o-r-y prior to November sweeps - and ABC needs to find the backup troops real quickly here. We were fans of "Commander In Chief" - and think the network pulled the plug way too early last year.

While ABC has been toward the top of the heap in the 18-49 battle, don't expect that to last much longer. Fox's baseball is over soon - and along with "Lost" - "Desperate Housewives" isn't the smash it used to be.

ABC may want to consider doing two runs of "Dancing With The Stars" - if at all possible.

CBS
For the most part, CBS looks to be in the best position. Their procedural dramas repeat well and they have a new hit in "Jericho" and some potential with "Shark." Their Wednesday and Friday drama blocks perform well 18-49.

CBS is still looking for another breakout comedy on Monday - although we personally think "The Class" is the best new comedy in years. It may, however, be too sophisticated for CBS's rural audience.

CBS is still looking to replace "Judging Amy" (which we thought was canceled prematurely) on Tuesday ... They may just want to move "The Unit" there and find another drama to run at 9pm.

FOX
Fox is playing it cool, waiting for the "American Idol" to return in January. In the meantime, they still need a 9:30 show for Sunday.

Of the new Fox shows "Justice" seems to have the best shot at longevity because it is self contained, although we are VERY big fans of VANISHED.

At this point, Fox still needs to cure it's Thursday ills. And with ABC and CBS so strong on that, there's not many scraps left...

NBC
This is the network that we feel has the right pieces - but in the wrong place.

It's very clear that the "Law & Order" trio are not what they used to be ratings wise (although we find the underrated "SVU" to be creatively as strong as ever). NBC made a mistake moving the flagship "L&O" off on Wednesday night - and NBC announced that they are going to take the cult favorite (and pretty well rated) "Medium" and throw it into the Wednesday frying pan.

Our move would be to take "Medium" and pair it with the similarly sci-fi themed "Heroes" on Monday (especially since the show was successful there the last two seasons). "Heroes" is the biggest new show of the season and the overrated "Studio 60" is losing a ton of audience each week.

NBC has done ok on Tuesday from 9-11pm with the two "Law & Order" spinoffs but can't seem to find any luck at 8pm - and we anticipate things won't get better once "American Idol" gets rolling. NBC would probably be best served to counter program and fill that slot with "Dateline NBC."

NBC used to have a decent lineup on Wednesday - but the moves of "The West Wing" and "Law & Order" have turned the night over to CBS and ABC. Getting that audience back won't be easy.

We would take the second installment of "Deal Or No Deal" and shift it to Wednesday at 8pm once "Dancing With The Stars" is done. We would follow it at 9pm with the venerable "Crossing Jordan" - which would pick up some steam while "Lost" is on hiatus. We then bring the original "Law & Order" back to 10pm - creating a night of established brands.

ABC and CBS pretty much own Thursday - although NBC's "ER" (which has really come on creatively lately) - is pulling solid numbers at 10:00. NBC is smart to counter program with comedies - and should continue to do so.

NBC has two comedies in "The Office" and "My Name Is Earl" that perform relatively well. The network should bring "Scrubs" back and find one other comedy and make a block from 8:00-10:00. While none of these comedies remind us of "Cosby," "Cheers" or "Seinfeld," they definitely do help NBC counter program the heavy drama night on the other networks.

On Friday, the first week of "1 vs. 100" was strong - and NBC should use the show to lead off the night. "Las Vegas" should do well at 9pm - and that opens up 10pm for "Studio 60" - which we would relocate there.