Last Blog Of The Year! Hail Rocky Balboa!

I've been off-line on the blog for a few weeks because the new OPEN RIDE AOL or whatever they are calling it fucking SUCKS. It has possibly the worst design of any web browser ever in the history of the web, and the mail section is completely fucked, so when I try to send out a link, it tells me something is wrong with the address line, but it won't tell me what. Luckily, I figured out a way to get the old AOL 9.0 so I can resume my blogging activities.

The stuff between Trump and Rosie is INSANE. I tend to side with The Donald, Rosie shoots her mouth off and it's not usually funny or especially informed, but I think calling someone out on being unattractive is lower then low. Especially on that high a profile. Still, Rosie's response: making a face? Sounds like she actually is afraid of being sued.

Wasn't that cool that we finally filmed a 30 foot giant squid!!! Then we split it open and killed it - just in time for the holidays!

ROCKY BALBOA (In Theaters)
One of the most pleasant surprises of the year, though I still think that script could've used another draft, there's enough great stuff here to warrant going to the theater.

In fact, I've seen every ROCKY movie in the theatre - even the dreadful 5, which this has more in common with then anybody is willing to admit - though in a good way. This is almost a great rewrite of 5. The acting from everybody is top notch, and stallion, once again, is completely on the money as Rocky, even better. The story moves along slow till fiction' time comes, but this is a bit of a character piece, and it's amazing how much you find yourself caring for Rocky at this point. When I heard they were bringing back Marie from the corner, I rolled my eyes - but it works great.

I have some problems with this - but I can't talk about them without giving away spoilers - and it's not about the results, it's about some questionable flimsiness late in the game, but again - there is no reason not to see this. Unlike LAND OF THE DEAD, the new STAR WARS and all the other creaky resurrections, this one packs a punch - and I swear I will not be shocked if we get one more out of Balboa - after this, it would be welcome. But if this is the end, what a way to go. Most impressive of all was that Stallone was finally able to again craft a real story of heart and emotion and actually make a subtle film. This is perhaps his greatest victory.
Despite some reservations...
Grade: A

THE ACTOR'S STUDIO: EDDIE MURPHY
Pretty great - fun to see Eddie doing character and being funny and humble. Ever since he tried to pick up a trannie Eddie has shyed away from the press, so this was a treat. He talked about his family, his past - his rise, it was unusually good.
Grade: B

Elevator To The Gallows (IFC)
Louise Malle's first film - this is a really good story about a guy who commits murder in the opening minutes of the film, then gets stuck in the elevator en route to escape and all the weird shit that goes on around the incident.
Grade: B

King Of Queens (CBS)
This show returns for one last 13 episode season. Aside from Carrie suddenly being model-thin again, and her hair looking like it might be a bad wig, this is the same funny show it's always been. Some have been better then others, and there's a noticeable lack of Arthur this season - and the show also has the air of something that's a dead issue re: the ending. I'm sure everybody's salary got too high.

It's a shame this never grew into more - Doug and Carrie should've had a kid towards the end (maybe they still will) and it seems like Doug and Arthur could've gotten further in their relationship - but this show's main concern has always been being funny - and aside from a funny but REALLY mean spirited episode that had Doug and Carrie trying to get rid of a dog, (what the fuck were they thinking?), the show has been as funny as ever. Partaker the strolling that had Arthur pimping out old people to sit in people's cars so they could use the rainbow lane (is that what it's called?) Anyway - good stuff. This will be missed.
Grade: A -

DEXTER (Showtime)
Great show. So-so ending. I thought they kind of de-fanged the ice cream truck killer in the last moments and really went for a foregone conclusion to the story. The side characters never really rise above the retarded machinations of late-era NYPD BLUE, but Michael C. Hall absolutely stuns as Dexter, and I can't wait for next season.
Season Finale: B -
Full Season Grade: A

SLEEPER CELL (Showtime)
I've watched the first 2 or 3 and it's good - though not quite as riveting as the first go round.
Grade: B -


THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE (DVD)
A much bigger bore then I ever would've expected, but whoever plays Bettie is as hot as a pistol - it's a shame the movie couldn't be as sexy as it's subject.
Grade: C -

WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR (DVD)
Great docu on the ill-fated electric car - a subject which makes a lot of people angry, since this was our shot at getting over our addiction to foreign oil. Nonetheless, the movie is worth the rental just to check out Mel Gibson's crazy beard.
Grade: B+

Jimmy Kimmel had Howard Stern on 2 Fridays ago and it was probably Howard's best talk show appearance in forever. I don't know how they put Howard in Jimmy's chair, being that Howard was in NY, but the off-air buddies and the ABC technology has now found an absolutely flawless way to have inter-state guests. Also hilarious was the superheroes re-enactment of Chanuka. Mr. Kimmel has been on quite a roll.

Grade: A

HOUSE (FOX)
House has been fun as usual, and thankfully, the Tritter storyline is coming to a close.
Grade: A

MY DATE WITH DREW (MAX)
Reminded me a lot of 30 DATES, another "cute" indie about a guy with a camera who thinks he's adorable because he has a camera. When he finally got his date with Drewtard I almost became nauseous.
Grade: D

SCARFACE (DVD PLATINUM EDITION)
I got suckered and bought this new edition with cleaned up sound - but you know what - the sound is now AWESOME. And there are some cool extras - but if you bought the box from 3 years ago, there's no reason to re-purchase. Best scene: too many to mention, but when Al tells the folks at the restaurant to "What are you looking at you fucking assholes? Say goodnight to the bad guy," there may be nothing else like that for a while.
Grade: A

EXTRAS (HBO ON DEMAND)
Been re-watching this Ricky Gervais show in anticipation of the new season - the first 3 were good - the last 3 eps were REALLY good. Still - it's no OFFICE.

REAL WORLD: COLORADO (MTV)
I like the new cast of developmentally challenged folks living together. Now, I hjust think they're going out of their way to pick out fucktards to live in the house.

BREAKING BONADUCE (VH1)
What a boring ending for such a usually crazy show.
SEASON FINALE: B -
FULL SEASON GRADE: B +


AWAKENINGS (DVD)
Re-watched this recently and forgot that this is one of the very best films of the 90s and a major tear jerker. Maybe Penny Marshal's finest hour as a director, ever. And perhaps Robin Williams finest acting until GOOD WILL HUNTING. There is also a haunting score to go along with it.
Grade: A +


24/7 (MTV)
Utterly fucking unwatchable.
Grade: F

STERN ON LETTERMAN (CBS)
Boring.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN (CBS)
Great. Though I had completely forgotten the storyline with the crazy magician and his evil hat!

SNL: ANNETE BENNING AND GWEN STEPHANI (NBC)
As bad as it gets.
Grade: D

20/20 - the McDonalds prank caller case
Disgusting. (If you saw it.)

DR PHIL - DANNY & GRETCHEN BONADUCE (SYND)
I'm getting to the point where I've had quite enough of Mr. Bonaduce - what was so compelling last year seems very sad now - and I'm starting to not like her.


JARHEAD (HBO)
I didn't watch the last 20 minutes because it seemed to head into predictable territory, but Jake Gylenhall is really good - but Peter Skarsgard steals the show in this war movie based in Iraq.
Grade: C

HANNAH & HER SISTERS (DVD)
Saw this again recently - perfect film. Woody has made 4 perfect films which seem like sequels or rewrites of each other. Annie Hall is great, but Manhattan seems like the even better remake. Hannah is great, and CRIMES & MISDEMEANORS seems like a stellar sequel.
Grade: A+

30 ROCK (NBC)
Funniest new show of the season. Alec Baldwin is da bomb, y'all.
Grade: A


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (CW)
I can't remember who won. That can't be a good sign.

NIP/TUCK (FX)
Once again, what would Christmas be without a WILDLY off the rails NIP/TUCK doing what it does best - fucking up it's legacy. This year, they ripped off MAGNOLIA (???) and ended with the characters deciding to go to LA. Honestly - if you were someone following this show - this episode proved to be sort of a landmark in stupidity and indulgence. Can this show ever be saved? No.
Grade: D
But - If I were grading for sheer audacity and balls with no thought whatsoever to good storytelling: B

THE WIRE (HBO)
Brilliant ending to a brilliant next-to-last season. If season 5 is any bleaker, we may all kill ourselves.

Grade: A


THE BEST OF 2006

Best Talk show: JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

Best Movie: Rocky Balboa, Babel, Borat, Jackass 2, Hard Candy, Who Killed The Electric Car, The Al Gore movie (forgot the name.)

Best TV Show: 30 Rock, THE OFFICE BBC, THE OFFICE AMERICA, Justice, Dexter, Weeds, The Sopranos, The Wire, King Of Queens, Family Guy, Entourage, Wonder Showzen, Drawn Together.

Best CDS: Meatloaf - Bat 3, My Chemical Romance, The KIlers - Tom's Town, Billy Joel - 12 Gardens Live (I admit, my musical taste runs a bit on the safe side.) But where was the new Dr. Drew CD they kept saying was coming out?

Best reason to get satellite radio: Howard Stern (and thanks for the plug!)

Too much stuff to mention, but thanks to everybody that read the blog this year, have a great holiday season, good luck and thanks for all the fish.

Shalom, Everybody.

Until Next Year,
The Digital Couch.

Seth Myers and Billy Crystal - two unfunny men.

SNL: MATTHEW FOX & TENASCIOUS D (NBC)
Mathew Fox was game but the skits were not, as usual. This is truly a season that rivals the one that Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downy Jr. were in. It's just that bad. Even the once unflappable WEEKEND UPDATE has come to a grinding halt - Amy Poehler is great, but you can't make Seth Myers funny no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try - he sucks so bad it truly boggles the mind that he's still on the show, now the head writer, and has single handedly made UPDATE obsolete. Fuck Seth Myers. He seems like a nice enough guy, but let him work at Sam Goody. This is god awful tv. And the usually great Tenacious D, ironically, don't rock quite as hard when they have a full band behind them and they try so hard. A fucked Saturday night.
Grade: D (for the D)
F (for the show)
F - (for Seth Myers)


Help me - still haunted by Billy Crystal's racist impression of a black man during COMIC RELIEF - Michael Richard's has nothing on this guy - believe me - every time Crystal did that cliche'd black smile - people across America were killing themselves because they were embarrassed for him.

JUSTICE (ABC)
Even though ABC is just burning off these episodes, from what I understand, this great series is canceled. Justice had it all for a self-contained hour - usually juicy plots, credible cases, a star in Victor Gabor and a good supporting cast - including Eamonn Walker (Said from OZ) - and best of all, after the verdict is read, we see what really happened at the crime scene.
Justice, there is no justice. You will be missed. See the remaining eps while you can.
Grade: B +


SUPERMAN RETURNS: THE MOVIE (DVD) (Spoilers - sorry)
When I went to see this in the theatre, me and The Girl walked out after the first hour because NOTHING HAPPENED. It looked great, but really - NOTHING HAPPENED. So I got the dvd on Netflix, determined to finish the film but NOTHING HAPPENS. So we rode the fast forward on the dvd - seeing some very impressive flying sequences and some bad acting from the new Lois Lane and her husband (Brandon Routh as Superman is alright - he was just in need of a script.) Even the direction wasn't bad - it was just boring. And to top it all off - the plot makes NO SENSE. Superman says he was gone for 3 years because he heard his planet was still going, then returned to find nothing. Okay, in SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE we watched Superman circle the earth about a billion times in 30 seconds to turn back time. So why would it take him 3 years to find his planet? And why did Superman die 4 times in this movie? And why, when he was stabbed by an almost-menacing Lex Luthor (Spacey is ok, but could've REALLY done without Parker Posey and her Pomeranian yelping at him - talk about de-fanging your villain - the funny thing is - I think the first 2 Superman movies did the same thing by sticking Gene Hackman with some awful actress to bring in "the comedy." Wow, it doesn't work. I was waiting for Billy Crystal to walk in and give that stupid racially charged smile he did on COMIC RELIEF and talk about what it was like before SUPERMAN. Anyway - So Superman dies after Lex stabs him with the kryptonite (although - why would Lex then take it back out?) - then Superman falls into the water. The water, which just happens to be manned by an underwater helicopter driving by Lois Lane and her "seri-comic" new husband! They save him, yeah!!!! While I admire Bryan Singer's efforts to bring the franchise back to life, all he did was stab him with krypton again. This movie is the fucking pits.
Grade: F + (since the heart was in the right place.)


CLASSIC ALBUMS: NIRVANA: NEVERMIND (VH1)
If you're into the albums they're profiling, it doesn't get much better then having the producers and singers (when available) go back to the mixing board and wax on about the making of the album. Stellar, as always.
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH ULTIMATE ALBUMS - the US version, which fucked up the entire concept - forgetting about the album and just making the hour about the artist like any VH1 puff piece - STAY AWAY from ULTIMATE ALBUMS - it's shit. It's shit.
Grade: A


BABEL (DVD)
Me and The Girl watched the dvd of this last night - this year's CRASH. A multitude of stories, almost all, but one, compelling as hell. Brad Pitt gives a great performance, as does the rest of the mostly unknown actors. Though it doesn't quite have the same emotional impact as some of these movies do, it's a damn fine way to spend 2 1/2 hours (it's still in theaters - I had a screener.) The one story I don't believe - the most adorable Asian deaf girl who JUST COULDN"T GET ANYONE TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. While she was certainly fun to look at - the idea that this young model-like girl couldn't get anyone to like her was truly ridiculous and can only happen in the movies.
Grade: B +


HOWARD TV: ARTIE'S DATE DISCUSSION (ON DEMAND)
Okay, maybe I'm biased - but me and The Girl both were floored by the discussion of Artie Lange's date with the girl who won a date with Artie on the radio show. He spent the entire time talking about food, then ordered a rhinoceros burger, then took all of his own, and her food home in a doggy bag. I'm not kidding. Unbelievable. And mostly any one of these ON DEMAND shows is funnier then just about any sitcom you were going to watch instead.
Grade: A


PRISON BREAK (FOX - The Finale')
Thrilling as always - the momentum is crazy, the plot twist are insane, and T-Bag might be the greatest villain in the history of network tv, ever.
Grade: A


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (THE CW)
I think the finale is on tonite - if Melrose wins, there is no God.
Grade: B -


IKE & TINA TURNER IN 71 (PBS)
VERY COOL. Watching a young Tina Turner do RIVER DEEP, MOUNTAIN HIGH is an experience you don't soon forget. And when Ike wasn't beating her, she really shined.
Grade: A


HARD CANDY (DVD)
Just saw this movie on dvd - highly recommended. But not for the squeamish. It begins on a titilating note as a youngish 38 year old man meets a 14 year old girl in a coffee shop after engaging in some soft internet chat. She teases him until they get back to his place. I won't spoil what happens - but this is one of the much better acted and directed movies in the last year and now that it's on dvd, it's a must see. The girl who plays the 14 year old - solid gold. Lots of great extras and a lesson on how to make a small independent film with no money.
Grade: A

The Death Of Boston Legal

30 ROCK (NBC)
This is a really good show - last night's ep was particularly good. It's kind of cool that all the new Thursday Night shows on nbc this year are laugh track free. 30 ROCK is one of my new favorite shows, and again - last night's was kind of exceptional. But the show rarely lives up to the very funny pilot. It's a good show that I hope gets better - but this Rachel Dracht thing will probably haunt it for the rest of its existence. (She was supposed to play Jane K's character, but instead does these not quite that funny cameos that are truly beneath her. On the other hand, Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin are superb, particularly in their scenes together - and Tracy Morgan is right on the money when the script is serving him.
Grade: B


SCRUBS (NBC)
I watched this last night for the very first time - it was their 6th season prem. I remember trying to get into this show a few years back but not liking the style of it - that said, I thought most of last night was pretty funny - pretty bold, yet they still try to hard. But it did make me think that maybe this was one of the better comedies on the air. They do this quick style of jokes with sound effects that could probably have been rendered better - but they took chances with their storyline in an unusual way for a comedy.
Grade: C +


THE OFFICE (NBC)
We got a very special treat last night, as in an episode penned by Ricky Gervais (the original David Brent, creator of OFFICE BBC along with his partner, Stephen Merchant) - that was truly a cut above the usual episode. The laughs were harder, stranger, and you could almost hear the BBC OFFICE in the dialog. Great episode that Steve Carrel was incredibly funny in - and they should let those guys write more of these episodes. The Jim/Big Tuna/Pam stuff was GREAT. So was the reveal regarding an ex-con working at Dunder-Mifflen. It made me wonder what a OFFICE BBC reunion might be about - but they said they'd never revisit. And I guess that's for the best.
Grade: A


TRIBUTE TO JAMES TAYLER (PBS - I think?)
I didn't watch the whole thing yet, but just based on the first 40 minutes - the performers (including Springsteen, Costello, etc.) are fantastic and based just on what I've heard so far - this is one to record.
Grade: B+

God - did anybody see Billy Crystal on COMIC RELIEF doing that bad impression of a black man? He might want to kill himself after he sees the playback. Nothing I could say would prepare you for this.

THE WIRE (HBO)
Continues to great - one of the truly complex crime treatments on tv - I've been catching up on them
ON DEMAND and they never dissapoint. The humor is subtle and sly - and some of the scenes are just so bleak - even the actors I didn't like at the beginning are now in my favor.
Grade: A


MY BROTHER SCOTT
Came over and spent 9 hours fixing my computer problems when he was busy as shit with his own life.
Grade: A +


BORAT (IN THEATRES)
I think I was oversold on this one. Don't get me wrong - I loved it, have to own the dvd of it and will see it many more times on dvd and cable - but it's not quite as good as I'd been hyped to believe. Nonetheless, go with a crowd and laugh your head off at some truly inspired and insane and almost always profane situations.
Grade: A

FLIGHTPLAN (HBO)
Me and The Girl watched this for 20 minutes and decided life is too short. It's exactly what you think it is. Exactly.


BRICK (DVD)
Heard many good things about this teen thriller - me and The Girl tried for about 20 minutes - and was not able to make sense of any of it - so Brick, which sat like a brick in my dvd player for about a month, will be headed back to netflix without a fair review. Sorry.


FLASH GORDON (HBO)
A great, great relic of the 80s. And a truly fucking kick-ass score by Queen with some original songs and a shockingly good performance by Sam Jones as Flash, whose only credit later in life was living with Olivia Newton John for 13 years. But he was good here in this completely preposterous comic book adaption helped along by great performances (if over the top) from Topol as the mad scientist, Tim Dalton (Pre-Bond - he was great here) as a rival spaceman and Max Von Sydow right on the money as Ming the Merciless. This was a favorite of mine growing up, and it has a cult following. I'm surprised there hasn't been a dvd release yet, but I'm guessing there are music issues with Queen tying that up. But this is really deserving of a dvd treatment. As ridiculous as the various scenarios are, they're really exciting and you can really get into this movie, which gets much better after an awkward 20 minute opening sequence. Once they get to Ming's planet - things really get good in a 50s pulpy sort of way.
Grade: A

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Just keeps having great episodes. Just thought I'd mention that.


FIDDLER ON THE ROOF (MAX)
Watched with The Girl for about 40 minutes - what a great movie and a great, hammy performance from Topol. Singing and choreography are first rate - and Mel Gibson does a commentary track.


STUDIO 60 (NBS)
I love it/I hate it. I love it/I hate it.


BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)
D.O.A. TIME OF DEATH - this last episode 2 parter where Shirly is taken hostage. The show went brain dead when Denny and Alan talked extensivly (yet again) about their love of their "balcony time" and screaming "I love you" to each other. This would be great if the rest of the show were on the ball - but it's just like - filler to get Shatner and Spader in a room together. And boy, theyre sticking witht that insulting soundtrack. The shame of this show is it had true potential - great actors, David Kelly - awesome characters - but they just went a different way. And now I go mine. Boston Legal, R.I.P.

BOSTON LEGAL WILL NO LONGER BE REVIEWED HERE.


NIP/TUCK (FX)
On creative life support but barely ingesting oxygen. Another show with creative potention, but they seem so much more interested in these cut-rate bad thriller plots that they never become what the show should really be about - instead it's just...ridiculous. They're hanging onto my dvr by a thread.
Grade: D -


THE REAL WORLD: COLORADO (MTV)
Watched the first two. What a strange bunch this time around. Colie is ridiculous - that short girl that slept with Alex is a major wierdo - though she got off the early season's best line so far - after knowing Colie for less then 36 hours, she sleeps with someone she slept with hours earlier, and then declares "Screw that guy - Colie is someone I LOVE and who will be at my wedding!" So far, so good. Everyone seems to really hate each other.
Grade: B

THE SOPRANOS: ROAD 2 RESPECT ( PS2)
So far - a complete waste of all the SOPRANOS talents - But I haven't gotten that far yet - will let you know how game progresses. So far, a waste.