Happy New Year! First blog of 2008!

LATE NITE: THE REVIEWS:

THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO (NBC)
JAY LENO. In the words of that ill-fated character from that really funny movie I can’t remember the name of’ “Wha’ happened?” He USED to be a comic. He used to be really funny. He used to eat roast beef sandwiches on the Letterman show in between being hilarious. Now, the show is…I don’t know – he does this bad, pandering monologues. The jokes are solid, but his delivery is full of insecurity. Like a dog that needs his belly rubbed. So yes, he has no writers, and no, I can’t tell much of a difference. He does earn points, though - for appearing very honest during his last bunch of shows, and frankly, I can’t even tell the difference in his monologue – but is he really writing it on his own???? Who cares. The best thing he ever did was have Jimmy Kimmel on as a guest – that was a CLASS MOVE and one of the better interviews he’s ever done.
GRADE: C +

THE LATE, LATE SHOW with CRAIG FERGUSON (CBS)
Ferguson - As insignificant as before the strike. Boy, do I not get this one. He was fine on DREW CARRY – but really, in the however many years he’s been on, not once has anyone ever said to me, nor have I ever overheard, nor will I ever over hear “Did you catch Ferguson last night?”
GRADE: D +

LATE NIGHT with CONAN O’BRIEN (NBC)
We're going on something like 13 years without Conan making me laugh - without his writers - he's actually making me frown. His videotaped "guitar hero" bit was the unfunniest moment of the new year. So many of my friends and associates just love him – and I will admit – he has GREAT writers and there are many inspired bits. But Conan himself? Unfunny. Always has been, always will be. The worst interviewer in the world – on par with Tyra Banks. I’m not kidding. Have you seen him conduct an interview. He lets the celeb say something, than he interrupts with a shockingly unfunny self deprecating remark. I guess he really is the white Tyra Banks. Although, Tyra is clearly insane. I don’t think Conan’s actually insane – just really, really REALLY not funny.
Grade: D

THE LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN (CBS)
Letterman - Looked very manly with his beard - and his show was just flat-out funny. He had writers, and Letterman just happens to be funny and nearly at the top of his game. His top ten list with out of work writers was particularly funny. As the weeks have gone on, what can I say – the guy is just late night gold.
Grade: A -

KIMMEL LIVE! With JIMMY KIMMEL (ABC)
The very best of the lot. Jimmy was just himself, funny and charming, and Andy Dick was very funny as well as the first picket crossing guest. Jimmy’s monologue has been very interesting, and he’s truly a gifted ad-libber. And as far as the future of late nite, Kimmel is the one to watch.
Jimmy Kimmel was really funny with Dr. Drew talking about CELEB REHAB. He called Jeff Conway criminally insane and among the living dead. I love his MOMENTS OF THE PAST which pays his on strike staff residuals. I wish he’d dig into the closet from the summer of 06’ – now there was some comedy bit GOLD! But Kimmel is the guy, and if they put him on at 11 30, I think he would give all these guys a serious run for their money. Having Jay on was great, and hands down the funniest Jay's been since his pre-Tonight show days. That "monkey-in-a-cup" story was laugh out loud funny. Jay actually rocked on Jimmy's show. They should do that more often.
Grade: A +



SWEENEY TODD (DVD SCREENER)
Johnny Depp is brilliant and haunted in one of his best roles ever. Tune wise, he sort of channels David Bowie (Mark G. pointed that out to me) and succeeds much more in song than I ever would’ve suspected. Helena Bonham Carter is just okay – but the tragic tale and revenge blood lust take center stage in this lavishly produced, extremely dark musical. I enjoyed it, but at just under 2 hours, it drags a bit, and as usual with Tim Burton directing, the story could’ve been a bit clearer.
Grade: A


BEST NIGHT EVER (VH1)
A five minute version of BEST WEEK EVER – I love this show – so I’ll take it every night, but the format here is very different with only one comic doing some bits and the overall quality isn’t as funny – but it’s good – and only five minutes.
GRADE: B -

BIGGEST LOSER: COUPLES (NBC)
I had never really watched this before but I have quickly become a huge fan. This couples idea is great and let’s face it – it’s just really fun to watch seriously overweight people lose a lot of weight and see that transformation. But I can’t believe how fat some of the people are when they start – there is one guy on there that was over 400 pounds. He’s now lost about 40 pounds and the only minute difference I can spot is that his tits are now sagging about a half inch lower.
Grade: B +


AMERICAN DAD (FOX)
"TEARJERKER" This was a full on 007 spoof that worked SO well – you just had to be there.
Grade: A -


DR. DREW'S CELEB REHAB (VH1)
Wow, where do I begin. Mary Carry literally looks like she’s there to get stoned and laid from the guy from CRAZY TOWN. She is such a complete moron I can’t believe that drugs are her number one problem. I loved when she said “Some people also know me from politics.” Yes, as the crazy porn star who made a ridiculous bid for office that included porn. About 4 years ago I was at Oddysey Video on Lankershim and I was innocently renting some dvds when Mary Carry came in – asked me to hold a camera, and photograph her with the two guys behind the front desk. Right as I was about to click, Ms. Carry pulled down her top. I will always remember that and be grateful to Ms. Carry, however, she has to be one of the more ridiculous “celebrities” out there. She was told at the beginning by Dr. Drew that “no drugs and no sex” were part of the routine there, so she brings her own porno tapes and says “At least I can watch myself have sex!” Yeah, she’s getting cured. I have no idea who the guy from CRAZYTOWN is, but he reminds me of a less angry Vanilla Ice. Chyna Doll is sort of a train wreck, as is Brigitte Nielson, who actually does seem to take this a bit seriously. But the hands down, bat shit crazy spectacle of this entire show, and a man I’d like to see get his own comical half hour next season, has to be the hilarious Jeff Conway. Man, he is so fucked up – he video’d himself doing blow the entire night before he got there – and he can’t actually talk. I mean, the guy who used to crack me up on TAXI can’t talk. Even after his rest he came out and reminded me of one of the patients in AWAKENINGS before they got the miracle drug. And Jessica Sierra – I know she was on IDOL, I know she has been in and out of jail, I know she is expecting both a baby and a porn film she did for drugs. I think the porno arrives first. And the show is surprisingly real and candid and with the exception of Mary Carry and Daniel Baldwin, who appears to be in an infomercial for himself, you can’t help but feel incredibly empathetic towards these people (I hate to use the term celebrity – as some of them I have never heard of) – but – just the fact that they’re in there getting help is actually heartening. Is it completely exploitive? Completely. But if Dr. Drew can make Jeff Conway talk again, then the entire enterprise was worth it.
Grade: A
UPDATE: I just watched the second episode – apparently Jeff Conway has two personalities: comatose and explosively angry. All kidding aside, this show is serious about calling these guys out on their bullshit, Dr. Drew is a perfect host and doctor on this, and I’m actually rooting for every one of these people to get better – they all really need it. Although I swear Daniel Baldwin is there simply to make jokes and get some face time.
Grade: A


SCOTT BAIO IS 46 and PREGNANT
After a mildly fun, mildly scripted first season, this show is back for an even less fun, more scripted season. The scripting at the beginning of the show was laughable.
Grade: D


ROCK OF LOVE 2
This is the one! I don’t know what it is about this setup, but Bret Michaels is absolutely the man to be doing this show – and the girls they are getting on are crazy in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY. But don’t threaten me with a good time.
Grade: A


I LOVE NY SEASON 2: THE REUNION (VH1)
NY and Taylor Made find love! But…are those grainy images true – is there a NY sex tape on the way????.....if you have info on this alleged tape, links, descriptions, screen shots, please send them to this blog so I can personally help New York out and find the culprit! Send your info to

TheDigitalCouch@aol.com


By the way – if there are any comments, questions or anything you want to talk about – please drop me a line at that email.

DAN IN REAL LIFE (DVD SCREENER)
Wow – this was SO much better than I ever would’ve thought. Carrel is pitch perfect – and Dane Cook – God Bless him – he’s fine in this role. Anything that doesn’t have comedy in it – Dane seems to succeed in – so basically, Dane Cook started this entire MYSPACE revolution to become this big comic based on his internet audience (and not, sad to say, on his "scary dangerous comedy.) And as it turns out – not only does he fucking SUCK at anything resembling comedy, but he turns out to be a decent character actor. Go figure. Meanwhile, the film is terrific and Steve Carrel, after grating everyone’s nerves all year on the increasingly fucking horrible OFFICE, reminds us just how great and subtle an actor he can really be. And touching. Recommended.
Grade: B +


BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)
What the hell happened? How did this show get good all of a sudden? The recent ep where Shatner took on a murder case by himself was terrific.
Grade: B –


WIFE SWAP (ABC)
I know this is a particularly low rent show, but it rocks.
Grade: C +


THE APPRENTICE: CELEBRITY EDITION (NBC)
Wow, this show has gotten exactly the right makeover. The celebs are mostly people you’ve heard of at least. For me, it’s fun to see Big Pussy Pastore try to operate with humans. But the real draw here is the insanely unlikable Omarosa, who could literally give lessons on how to alienate everybody around you simply by opening your mouth.
UPDATE: I watched the 2nd ep – where Nadia Commenichi gets fired! How dare Trump! But this version of the show is terrific.
Grade: B -


THE JANICE DICKINSON SHOW (OXY)
A very nasty woman. A mildly entertaining show. At a full hour though, seems like this is padded. Janice slapping her drunk model recently was very bracing. Remember when her and Omarosa had the BEST SEASON EVER on Surreal Life? With Omarosa calling Janice a “crackhead” and Janice trying to climb out of a window?
Grade: C +


THE BAD GIRLS CLUB (OXY)
The sick, deeply disturbed girls are getting even sicker. I don’t know any of their names, their all just memorable for the layers of craziness. I fuckign HATE Naveen - the odd looking judgemental woman who supposedly co-hosts some morning radio show in Portland. For some reason, I seroiusly doubt this scenario. Like -maybe she was an intern and got on the air a few times? If she is a part of a real show, I can't imagine the unfunniness going down. Lyric is self centered and somewhat retarded. Her music career is going about as well as her criminal record. Her explanation for why she ripped off a woman at a bar was priceless. ("I needed to pay rent a lot more than that rich bitch needed her drinks.") Priceless. Genavecia seems pointless and I can't remember anything about her. Darlene is insane, with a six year old daughter and a penchant for being drunk, fighting and cursing. She's also a slob. She seems born to have confrontation. Hannah does not register AT ALL! Tenisha is the loud, angry black woman who runs around the house physicaly trying to fight people. She is a one man show and they should probably give her her own half hour next year. She's hilarious and sick and cruel and crazy, and that's just the half of it. Lastly, my favorite slut, Cordelia. She has a fiance', she strips, she's screwing some Jewish guy she met since being there, and she says she uses sex as a weapon. My cat Munchy is smarter than this woman. He is!
Anyway, as usual, I love this show. Keep it coming!
Grade: B +
www.badgirlsclubonoxygen.com/bio.html


FAST FOOD NATION (HBO)
I missed this in theaters, but caught up with this film a few days ago on HBO. Based on the fact filled FAST FOOD NATION book that documented just how fucked up the fast food industry is (Apparently, Mickey D’s has more actual feces in their meat than any of the other chains – Go McDonald’s!,) this movie – instead of trying to be a docu, decided to dramatize the whole thing with Greg Kinear as a fast food investigator who works for one of the biggest chains. There are lots of star cameos, from Wilmer Valderama (surprisingly good) to Bruce Willis (always an asshole – but it works here.) Richard Linklatter directs. I have to say, having seen many docus on the subject, having read the book – I’m super familiar with all the themes. But this really might be the first time a studio movie made a film that is anti-meat. We find out why there is so much crap in the fast food meat, how the stuff is made – from the farms to the slaughterhouses, and finally, in the haunting, wordless final 13 minutes, the absolute nightmare of the slaughterhouse. This is a great, important film and while it meanders here and there, it’s short and mostly to the point, with some of the most grave sequences I”ve ever seen. I don’t think anything I’ve seen recently that beats the last 15 minutes. A great, important film that I give my absolute highest recommendation to.
Grade: A +

Remember the first, great few seasons of JUST SHOOT ME when it was just this really funny new show that figured out a perfect way to use David Spade? I don't know what happened to that show - but it was pretty fucking great in its first 3 seasons.

AS I AM - ALICIA KEYS (CD)
The whole CD is pretty spectacular in a quiet, moving way. But it really reaches an early peak with "No One" which is a fantastic bouncy single. Here is the link:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ktUSIJEiOug&feature=related
there are 3 or 4 other songs on thd CD that are in the same arena - it's really good.
Grade: B


THE STORY OF US (CABLE)
Once in a great, great while - a movie comes along that is so bad, so pretentious, so confident about it's horrible sense of humor - that movie, is THE STORY OF US. I have never seen this, but did not pass up the opportunity when it came on cable (I can't remember which channel.) I truly can't describe the levels of badness this filmed entertainment reaches. Just know that Bruce Willis sets the tone right in the first minute, giving a ridiculous testimonial to the camera as he tries to be funny, sad and poignant. I knew right there - in the first minute - that this was going to be one of the all time worst movies in the history of the movies. The film is about the break up of Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer. Michelle looks gorgeous. Bruce looks like his usual total douche bag self. Only he's trying to be "comic." The kids are given "funny" dialog. The movie seems to be made around the time that SEINFELD was really popular and tries for that vibe of irreverence. Boy, does it not work. Perhaps the best/worst of the film is NOT the girls getting together and complaining about the men (although - make no mistake - it's really bad and unfunny.) Just wait until Bruce gets together with his two buddies, Rob Reiner (the writer/director of this piece of shit) and long time Seinfeld impersonator - the achingly unfunny Paul Resier. In their scenes together, Reiser does a really bad Seinfeld impression and Reiner does a really bad George Costanza impression - with no laugh track - and no laughs. Nothing I could write here could prepare you for this - but mark my words, this is one of the very worst excuses of a movie you will ever see - and on that level - you are in for a treat.
Grade: Z

FAMILY GUY (FOX)
Movin' Out (Brian's Song). Even in the title – this episode lampoons more things (including the Robot from ROCKY IV) then any other half hour out there. And this episode in particular was about as funny as things get on this show. Brian moves in with his girlfriend, and Stewie ends up moving in to help them pay the rent. One of this season’s best.
Grade: A

ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL (SHOWTIME)
Much better than it’s reputation, but can somebody who’s seen this please shoot me an email and let me know who the killer is? (Yes, there is a serial killer subplot that subverts, and ultimately completely derails this film.)
Grade: C +


THE SIMPSONS (FOX)
Homer burns down Fast Food row. I forget what happened after that, but I think it was funny. But I can’t be sure.


THE LITTLE GIRL WHO LIVES DOWN THE LANE (SHOWTIME)
Wow – this is a great old movie with Jodie Foster as the little girl and Martin Sheen as the sicko perv trying to play LOLITA with her. This is a GREAT, creepy old movie, and besides one unfortunate scene involving prosthetics, is nearly perfect. I remember reading this book as a kid and kind of loving it. Somehow, the movie casts a glow nearly as somber and interesting as the book. This is the perfect chilly date movie with a bottle of wine – and though the movie is dangerous in its sort of pre-politically correct notions – the most startling moment came about half way through when a 13 year old Jodie Foster changes clothes and the camera doesn’t flinch. That was really shocking and brief – but something you’d never see in today’s modern cinema. But it’s an important scene in that it cinematically displays the womanhood that this very young girl has due to an adult life lived too soon.
Grade: A +


THE WIRE (HBO)
It’s back. It’s better than ever, and I can’t believe this is the last season. Though it does feel like the end of something, this was truly edgy and complicated television. Like THE SOPRANOS, a one of a kind show that will never have an imitator. I’m looking forward to these last episodes. I thought last Sunday, with McNulty screwing around with that dead body, was pretty disturbing.
Grade: A +


I'M NOT THERE (IN THEATERS)
I have to confess, while I know all the big hits, I’ve never been a HUGE Dylan fan, so me and G. went into this hoping to become fans, but quickly found out that one needs to already BE one in order to enjoy this properly. We left after an hour, in a sea of frustration and exhaustion. That makes maybe the 5th time in my life I’ve ever left a theater mid-movie. (The other ones were FAR & AWAY, ENCINO MAN, THE LAST ACTION HERO, and SUPERMAN RETURNS.) Amazingly, I stayed all the way to the end on the two films I consider the worst every made – ARTHUR 2: ARTHUR ON THE ROCKS and…I can’t say it. A friend wrote it and I just can’t. Let’s just say….nothing. If you ask me personally I’ll tell you (via email.) (HINT: the film is over 12 years old and features Kathy Bates - and the movie is a truly obscure one.
Grade: ?


THE SOPRANOS "Whitecaps" (DVD)
Wow – what an episode to close out the 4th season. The fighting that went on between Tony and Carmella over a lifetime of Tony’s infidelity was literally a shake the walls experience – and a masterful episode.
Grade: A +


30 ROCK (nbc)
An okay episode about Kenneth becoming a coffee junky and Alec Baldwin ending his affair with Edie Falco. I think this was their last fresh ep, and the ending, which was a musical – was excellent.
Grade: B


THE SIMPSONS MOVIE (DVD)
What can I say? A pretty big disappointment, but certainly not without laughs. It just seemed really crude and not as layered as the half hour version, nor as witty.
Grade: C


OPRAH WINFREY PRESENTS ONE MORE DAY (ABC)
I think the title was actually longer - but this was a tv movie that I probably wouldn't have paid attention to if not for the inclusion of the great Michael Imperiolli, whose career I will follow for a long time to come. Anyway - this aired forever ago and I don't even know if anybody watched it - but it was really good, if really sentimental, and Imperiolli can do anything. The tv film was about a washed up ball player (Imperiolli) who gets one more day his mother after she dies. It was sort of predictable, but Ellen Burstyn was fine as mom and Imperiolli was great - anyway - there it is. Pointless since the network tv movie has to be the hardest to track down - and this wasn't great.
Grade: C -

Okay, of all places, I found this new singer, ADELE, on PEREZHILTON.COM of all fucking places. But she sounds a bit like the Wino, but different....I don't know. It's almost a brilliant impression, but her voice is great if you like that smokey Wino affect - and the songs I've heard thus far are really really good. Anyway - if you're interested - go here:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=7032442


DATELINE: TO CATCH A PREDATOR (NBC)
I hadn't seen this in a long time. Since the last ep aired, there has been a LOT of controversy and speculation that this show is truly entrapping some of these guys, that the operation is dangerous and sloppy, and that real law enforcement aren't running the show. All that aside for a moment, how fucking great is this show? Maybe the best EVER? Did you see the one guy on his birthday - he was so happy to be there! Or that parapeligic who was quite sexually evil? I think the real drawer on this is that - once those dudes enter that house - it is straight downhill. Their entire lives. This is a scary show, with scary people, and it raises a lot of moral questions. One question though, has never been in doubt. When this is running, you simply can't take your eyes off the screen.
Grade: A


DREAMGIRLS (HBO)
How did I not see this last year? Anyway, this is a GREAT movie. The first time I've ever really liked Jaime Fox (I fucking hated RAY) and Eddie Murphy is fantastic. The rest of the cast, Jenifer Hudson included, is a bit on the amateur side - but the ton of great songs, dancing and the actual story itself is so compelling that I wish the filmakers were a little more eloquent in the telling of it and some of the poor editing and directing choices make this less than perfect. Still, Hudson singing some of those songs, Eddie Murphy's final performance in the film - this is pretty great stuff. Highly reccomended.
Grade: A


AMERICAN IDOL (FOX)
What can I say, I’m not a huge fan of the first few weeks. But these early eps are slightly better produced then they were in years past, where they basically told you before the actual audition who did well. Ryan Seacrest would say something like “And before Brian Astin auditioned, these judges had thought they’d heard the worst of it!” I never understood why they cut the suspense from their own show. You can still tell – if they do a ton of production work on someone’s segment, like going to their hometown and stuff – they get through. I’m already bored of this – I wish we’d just get to the competition.
Grade: C