This is seriuosly behind - I had a guest staying with me in July and then got busy so - while I apologize for the un-timeliness of these reviews - thank goodness I've finally published so you can actually read my thoughtful gems.
AMERICA'S GOT TALENT! (NBC)
Wow - after the Susan Boyle thing blew up here in the states with her famous YOUTUBE clip - NBC must be absolutely convinced that this show is going to blow up here in the states.
I don't think so.
First of all - We like singing competitions - but I don't think we collectively like the oddball talent show quite as much. I like Piers Morgan, I like Sharon Osbourn - but who lit a fire under Hasslehoff's ass this year? He has really taken to being the "Simon" of the group - whereas everybody might love an act - Hasslehoff will say "Now wait a minute - I have a problem. This is for a million dollars - are people really...." and then he looks at the crowd and generally bows to whatever they tell him to do - in other words - he's no Simon.
Just a pathetic shchill who really - I mean - for God's sakes - this is truly the last man in the WORLD you need judging talent. His opinions are as ill fitting as his awesomely bad attire. A total moron - and thank God he's there because without him this would really be boring. But let's move on to the absolute MOST troubling new aspect of this show: Nick Fucking Cannon.
Trying to ape the British formula all the way down to the MC's cutaway reactions - now - in the middle of the acts and the critics - they keep cutting to Nick, who says retarded one-liners like "what am I supposed to do with that" or "Man, we got no talent!" I mean - he's about as bad a host as you can dig up. Truly awful and even more embarresssing than the Hoff - which is pretty embarressing.
I don't know who was on - I can't remember one act. I get it but - I'd simply prefer to wait for Idol than see dudes who juggle fire and Hoff playing to the crowd while they cut away to Nick Cannon doing a poor man's LAUGH IN. Why are we supposed to like Nick Cannon again?
Grade: D -
UPDATE: Blah. I checked out. Even worse.
KATHERINE HEIGEL
on Leterman, Kimmel, etc...
Appears to be a full-on overly entitled monster.
She must be stopped.
Blech.
SICKO (SHOWTIME)
If 1/3 of this is true - then we have the most shameful system of health care ever. It's depressing as Moore trots out professionals in the medical/insurance biz to admit that part of their job was to save money even if it meant people needlessly died. It's an important film and doesn't really offer much in the way of answers - just presents a very ugly problem.
Grade: B
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Watching the new eps - fucking great. I love this show. Sex, drugs, vampires, sex, gore, vampires - and most of all - really fresh storytelling - I fucking love this. HBO has a serious winner here.
Grade: A
UPDATE: Better than ever - I love this show. Even more than in my other review.
UPDATE: Better than above.
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke was on a yacht, B—ch! Yes, In one of the absolute rock bottom moments in reality television – or one of the best - depending upon how you look at such things - Brooke’s roommate – and I have to say – in one of the most insanely overly scripted produced and acted half hours in the “reality” biz history – so Brooke’s roommate takes some money from a shady Persian dude for an appearance from her and Brooke on his yacht.
Brooke warns her that it sounds shady but they need the money – so they go – and it quickly turns into a nightmare as these guys seem interested in some kind of rape scenario – gently suggested by VH1 by having one of the guys grab the roommate and smack her on the ass. Ok, enough is enough. At one point they even lock themselves in the room while the Persians are breaking down the door and saying cheesy scripted lines like “Don’t play hard to get!”
Then Brooke and the roommate – in a cliffhanger no less – escape at port to the Bahamas – with no money – what are the going to do, guys!!!!!
Ok – listen – in order to enjoy that you have suspend disbelief entirely. Most girls don’t get lured into a situation like that with a massive camera crew and set up shots. This played like a very bad ABC afterschool special – this show is so bad in fact – it’s maybe the best ever. I don’t know what to say but it’s reached a level of badness that you kind of have to watch.
Grade F/A
UPDATE: It's gotten to spectacular/bad to mostly bad/bad.
Too bad.
GOMORRAH (DVD)
A completely unsentimental journey into the real mafia in Italy with scary, documentary vibe. It's a modern epic crime and the nature of organized crime and loyalty based on a series of articles written in Italy. This is the anti-Sopranos – people get whacked and loyalty is not rewarded and nobody gives a moments hesitation to the carnage. It’s sort of too big and ambitious to really start reviewing every storyline - but it’s one of the best of the year. If you like mob movies – and are ready for something completely devoid of the type of sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS great – the coldness here works like a charm and you cannot help but be mesmerized by the dizzying high wire direction and the ambitious scope of this story. Mafia drama at its very finest.
Grade: A
I know it got good reviews, but I didn’t really get into the new Eminem CD. I did however – strangely enough – enjoy the PRISON BREAK soundtrack recently released – if you’re into the now defunct show – and I was – it’s a mini-masterpiece of tense music to break out of prisons to.
MOOLA (HBO)
An unwatchable mess about…money…or something? With the guy that plays Ethan on LOST and Daniel Baldwin – completely unwatchable. I watched for 40 minutes and had no idea what the fuck was going on.
Grade: F
UNDERDOG (HBO)
A much bigger mess – this time with Jim Belushi. I loved the cartoon – one of my all time favorites. This movie is one of the all time worst – live action and – I can’t even explain how very bad it is. With a score that rips off BATMAN (the Danny Elfman version) and a farting underdog who jokes mostly about his own farts – this is truly an abomination.
Grade: F -
DECEPTION (SHOWTIME) (SPOILER ALERT - I REVEAL THE ENDING)
Another fucking mess – although at least this one has its moments (mostly in the first half hour.) Hugh Jackman plays a conman with a plot too complex to recount and also - it ultimately makes no sense. However, the sex club scam idea is initialy ingenius - and it's the sole original idea in this otherwise god awful movie. The first half hour is sort of intriguing, though. Ewen McGregor also stars in this piece of shit. If you're planning on seeing it - let me save you the trouble. Ewen McGregor is the shy victim who can't get laid in the beginning - and Hugh Jackman plays a guy that only exists in bad movies who gets Ewen laid - than takes advantage of him for some weird reason involving money - then Ewen ultimately discovers that if he cuts his hair and gets a cool jacket - he'll look hot and can fuck anyone he wants.
I swear that's basically this movie.
Grade; D -
The new CAT STEVENS CD – YUSEF is the name he goes by now – is called ROADSLINGER and sounds a lot like old Cat Stevens. Highly recommended – much better than last year’s ANOTHER CUP.
MTV AWARDS (MTV)
The Ben Stiller Tribute was pretty funny. Hayden Pantiere was useless. Miley Cyrus did something or other. She's cute and all - but who told her she was hilariously funny? Why does all her stuff involve her being "hilarious?" She's really not. The Bruno gag with Eminem I guess was funny but scripted. That lovely version of DICK IN A BOX sounded a lot funnier in theory than it did on TV.
But – the real star of the evening was Andy Samberg – who I’m kind of growing to love. He’s the best host they’ve had in ages – did a hilarious parody called “Cool guys don’t look at explosions” and the whole show was far better in general than its been in years – and a huge part of that was Samberg. Check out COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS on YOUTUBE - while you're at it, check out Samberg's MOTHERLOVER unsencored as well on YOUTUBE - I'd link you to it but I simply don't know how.
Grade: B
DAY OF THE DEAD 2008 REMAKE (DVD)
I’m a huge fan of the original Romero DEAD trilogy – Night, Dawn and Day. More than a fan actually - more like a super fan. Day is probably the worst of the three but still pretty damn good. And it gets better with age. Coming off the amazing DAWN - DAY had a tough task and also - had its budget slashed by over half when Romero would not buckle and deliver an R rating (he preferred the unrated ultra gore version - so he had to scale back and deliver a sliver of his original script - a masterpiece by the way (you can read it on DREWS MEAT AND POTATOES site.
While DAY was the least of the three - comparing it to LAND OF THE DEAD OR DIARY OF THE DEAD is like comparing RETURN OF THE JEDI - the least of the original trilogy - to any one of the new, shitty films. Yes - all three new films - each shittier than the one before it.
In fact, most DEAD fans consider the news that Romero is now helming another one – the new Romero DEAD films are sort of like the new STAR WARS. That bad. That said – all of them seem like Shakespeare compared to this ill conceived and badly executed remake. Departing completely from the original story – this concerns – I don’t know – the army and a bunch of zombies. Mena Suveri is so bad in this – I thought I was watching a bad SNL sketch. She is...just so bad you can't believe it - it's as though - as good as she was in AMERICAN BEAUTY - it's like THAT CHARACTER became a bad actress and got this film. Every bit as bad (possibly even worse) is the generally useless Nick Cannon – who seems to have two expressions – and they both look stupid. Directed by Steve Minor – who is a bad horror movie director veteran (He helmed the original FRIDAY and the HALLOWEEN H20 remake) – this is about as bad as it gets. Even the zombie action is badly computer generated and the storylines and just about everything else in here was offensively awful.
Grade: F
MARLEY & ME (DVD)
I loved the book - one of my very favorites. The movie - not so much. Owen Wilson is perfect as dad - but the film itself goes out of its way to clean up the real life messiness of the book. Jennifer Aniston is nothing mnre than a shrew - and despite all this - the last half hour works like a charm.
Grade: C +
I know I'm going back a few weeks - but I simply love YA YA on KIMMEL LIVE! and the bit with the President's dog giving a ghetto handshake was really funny. And a few weeks ago both a skinnier Artie Lange(!) and a still chunky Danny McBride stopped by - both were killer.
SNL: JUST SHORTS (NBC)
Hilarious collection of the DIGITAL SHORTS that have become the shining spot on most SNL episodes – needless to say, Andy Samberg was front and center – hosting and presenting some of his own best work. The digital shorts have quite revitalized this entire franchise and as much as I was initially annoyed with the show seeming to shove Samberg down our throats – his talent won out – he’s a hilarious, awesomely creative dude and my hat is way off to him. Also here were some classics like Eddie Murphy’s brilliant “WHITE LIKE ME” and some other great stuff. Very sad that they showed just the beginning of SEINFELD IN OZ – which was one of my favorites but only got short thrift here.
Grade: A -
SNL: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE (NBC)
Justin was okay – but once again – the show came to life with a GREAT instant classic digital short called MOTHER LOVER. If you haven’t seen it – YOUTUBE it – it’s da bomb.
Episode: C –
MOTHER LOVER - A
SNL: LOST & FOUND IN THE 80s (DVD)
Lof of SNL stuff this week. Moving on, this happened to show up in my Netflix que and turned out be a sort of part 2 of SNL: THE FIRST FIVE YEARS. This one covers the 80s and there is another one that picks up the story in the 90s (which I have to see next.) I gotta say – I’m somebody who has always had a pretty reasonable fascination with SNL – it’s one of the few shows that is garunteed every few years to produce a gaggle of real stars and people that will be relevant in comedy for the next 10 years – and even during the bad episodes there is always something funny. Anyway – this is a GREAT document about the 80s – if a bit out of order (they never really reconcile the seasons, nor admit just how fucking bad Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. were – even though the great Lorne Michaels brought them in when he was asked to come back and run the show after a 4 year absence.) I’ve always been blown away by that one magnificent season that had Billy Crystal, Chris Guest and Martin Short – and then the very next season they all left. That was crazy – and a phenomical season it was. In recent years, Crystal has shown just no evidence at all of ever being funny – so if you doubt that it ever happened – like it was maybe a myth (he’s that showbiz-cringey character now) – check out how funny he was here. (And in SOAP for that matter.) Anyway – the show is very frank about things that went on – a lot about Eddie Murphy – a pumped up slightly deluded Joe Piscopo shows up to talk about his buddy “The Murph” (Yikes) and if you have any interest in this show – this is a must see. Also included on the disc is about another hour of well produced docu not seen on the original NBC telecast.
Grade: A
THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK (SHOWTIME)
Laughable 70s pic starring a mugging Al Pacino as a heroin addict – even more hilarious than it sounds, and a small warning about the monster ham Pacino would later become. Hoo ha!
Grade: C + (I love bad movies)
Wall-E (DVD)
The story kind of moves away from Wall-E towards the end – but overall – this is one of the best Pixar films I’ve ever seen. The first 20 minutes which plays as a silent film with Wall-E basically taking the Buster Keaton role – is truly a marvel. I loved this movie.
Grade: A
THE GOODE FAMILY (FOX)
Very bad. And not in a good way.
Cousin Sal from KIMMEL LIVE! Made his Howard Stern radio debut a few weeks ago with cousin Jimmy and they killed.
How funny is Norm McDonald? He's been killing in everything he's done lately - most recently LETTERMAN and a guest shot on SNL reprising his BURT REYNOLDS for JEAPARDY.
I kind of love all the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT videos - but JESUS is that show overproduced! My God - the segments come complete with their own soundtrack - a billion reaction shots from the two douche bags behind the stage, a segment finishing song – I mean, what the what????
They are remaking one of all time favorite horror films from the 80s – MOTHER’S DAY. Since it’s such a sick and twisted film – and probably the ONLY film to EVER come out of the TROMA TEAM that was actually a “serious” horror film – I can only imagine the damage they will inflict upon it. However – I wish I could see it tomorrow.
24 (FOX)
Some of these reviews are really late – what can I say? Read the really late ones as an after thought – but I have a DVR and I use it. Anyway – great season, loved the Almeda stuff – the Bill stuff – thought it kind of slowed down in the last batch of eps and didn’t love the stuff with his daughter and the risky operation that we know is no risk – but coming off season 6 – season 7 renewed the entire franchise, poked fun at itself in a way that did not wink to the audience, and I hope this show continues.
Season Grade: A –
PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Wow. It’s over. What a crazy, insane four year run Year one was almost like a normal series –year 2 dealt with the aftermath, year 3 was insanely stuck inside a prison that literally resembled the bowels of hell – and season 4 boasted one of their most ludicrous plots yet. Why did this show work so well? How do I count the ways…Wentworth as Michael Scofield was the awesome lead and moral compass, Linc his dumber brother – but who always smartened up when it counted – the great guests of seasons past (Gretchen, Kellerman) – there are no words for the brilliance of the T-Bag character, the sliminess of Michael Rappaport’s character – and frankly – William Fitcher routinely stole the show and became maybe the greatest character on there. Best of all – even though the season went a little bit off the rails at times – it wrapped things up in such a satisfying way that it will have forever secured its legacy in the pantheon of memorable action shows. This show was a little more memorable than most – and the 2 hour finale rocked the fucking house.
Overall Grade: A +
Spaulding Grey’s MONSTER IN A BOX (DVD)
A lot more overproduced and corny than I had remembered it.
Grade: C +
WEST SIDE STORY (CABLE)
I finally saw this for the first time – and all the great things I’d heard about it – they were mostly right. Although for pure spectacle – nothing beats the first 15 minutes.
Grade:B +
THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (NBC)
I don’t remember if I reviewed the last installment or not – but I do know that I loved it, loved Joan, loved the tension – and think that of all the celeb installments – this war between Joan and Annie was a remarkable high bench mark the series will probably never hit again.
AMERICAN IDOL FINALE (FOX)
This has been reviewed too much – but real quick – the Queen and Kiss stuff was great, Cyndi Lapuer’s TIME AFTER TIME with Allison was amazing – yeah, Lambert should’ve won by a mile – but if we are paying attention to tradition – he will go on to have a much bigger career than the likable but bland Kriss Alan. Probably better that Lambert didn’t win as he’ll have a bit more freedom to do his own thing. I think Adam will end up as one of the real Idol winners to go on and have a Kelly/Carrie type of career – he’s that goddamned great.
For what its worth – here’s my choice of best moments of the season:
Danny Gokey:
What Hurts The Most, Hero
Allison:
You can’t Make Me love you
Kris Allen:
She works hard for the money, Falling, Heartless
Matt:
Part Time Lover
Adam Lambert:
Tracks of my Tears, If I can’t Have you, Mad World, too many to count, actually – the fucker is great.
THE DIGITAL COUCH is going on vacation!
(not really – staying in my apartment – but have plans for the next few weeks.)
See you guys in August.
Courage.
No comments:
Post a Comment