The Animal Review.

THE ANIMAL REVIEW (in bookstores and Amazon.com)
(click HERE to order book!)

The Animal Review reminds me of my own blog, if my own blog were actually witty and funny on a line by line basis. But instead of reviewing film and television, the genius writing team of Jake Lentz and Steve Nash have chosen to review animals as if they were objectively gradable.

They gave the Panda an F which landed them in a lot of mock hot water, as they pointed out the national obsession with Pandas disinterest in mating and their "refusal to act like real bears."

They give the King Cobra an A +, since, as the writers put it "like you're going to be the one to give King Cobra an A -. Yeah, good luck with that one."

Not only is this hilarious but educational in the best way, you don't realize you're being educated because you're laughing too hard. This is literally the best thing I've read in ages.

I will tell you from a jaded media sponge who sees and watches everything, this book made me laugh out loud and hope for a second book. I even went and bought copies through Amazon for all my friends. It's probably the most original take on the role of a critic I've ever seen, and I urge all my readers to go out and buy this immediately.
Grade: A +


LOST (ABC)
I know I've been really giving LOST a hard time, but I have to say the last few episodes have been pretty good. The one with Hurley was actually great, and this week has been good as well with things finally coming to a head. Although...if I had to nitpick:
SPOILERS AHEAD: IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE LAST 2 WEEKS OF LOST, DO NOT READ

1.) Last week the Locke Monster threw a torch into the well and we never heard it land. He then through Desmond into the well, leading us to believe Desmond was dead and setting up Locke Monster as a real piece of shit. This week, to accomidate story, not only was Desmond fine in that well, but the well appeared to be about 4 feet deep and easily able to climb out of.
2.) They said Clair had the same disease that Sayid now has - that she died and came back and turned evil (pointed out by her big bad floppy makeup-room nightmare hair that is clearly some kind of fright wig that LOST producers didn't realize looked like a bad Halloween joke.) Okay, so Clair has this disease that Sayid the emotionless killer now has. The problem, Clair, after getting yelled at by a few cast members, now seems perfectly fine. So again, the mythology seems to bend for story convenience at every turn.

That said, I was completely impressed by the fact that they managed to tie the scene from the mental hospital with Hurley and Libby in from season 2 with the curent storyline. I was convinced that it was a huge error back then that went very far in suggesting that the entire thing was in Hurley's mind - but they have explained that very long gestating sore point of storytelling, and even though I didn't care for a lot of the direction, the finale is starting to really pick up steam and I'm kind of somewhere in between on it now. I can't say I'm not looking forward to the finale, although I'm not sure my original predictions are correct. I have a bit more to say about LOST but I'm going to wait a few more episodes and see how this last leg develops.
Final Season Grade So Far: B + (and climbing)


STANLEY KUBRICK: BOXES (Sundance)
A great documentary in a sea of documentaries about the late, great director, this tale revolves around the Kubrick estate and is narrated mostly by his brother. It seems Kubrick had about a million ideas on everything from TV to movies to building new types of everyday equipment. He kept all the ideas, scripts, notes, prototypes - in these boxes. And this fascinating 90 minute doc goes through the boxes and it doing so, treads over the director's life.
Grade: B


KITCHEN NIGHTMARES (Fox)
I've already written enough about this show, but let me say a few more things about maybe one of the best reality shows ever. First of all, I fucking HATE Hell's Kitchen. That show outlived its usefulness after about 2 seasons. But in this, it has this great formula where Chef Ramsey, a natural reality TV star if there ever was one, go into the resturaunt in question and taste their best dishes. This segment usually ends with the Chef either throwing up or pulling the food apart to reveal the ingredients like a 5 year old. Then he screams at everybody till they come around and usually, by the 3rd act, the owners, who are ready to fist fight Ramsey initially are hugging him and thanking him for completely re-doing his restaurant. I was at Dupar's last night on Ventura, famous for their pies and I was thinking hmmm......I could pull a Chef Ramsey in this place. It's just the greatest. I don't normally give such a high grade to these shows, and I'm sure we're all being manipulated by editing, but....
Grade: A


24 (Fox)
The last hours have proved to really perk up this initially dreary installment. The killing of Hassan, the promotion of Chloe, Jacks ill-fated romance (with a woman who had sex just a few hours earlier with a bad guy!), the return of Logan, they are really going balls-out on this finale and I am loving it. I know some of the turns are a bit wonky, but 24 has never been the most accurately detailed show - just one of the funnest. And these final hours have given the writers the freedom to really do everything they want, and suddenly this show is great again. If only it all didn't pivot around the Peace Talks! Still....
Grade: A

(I know it seems like I'm loving everything these days, but hey, I don't try to watch shows I don't like!)

I have more coming up.

Stay tuned.

I have a full review of the DAMAGES season finale on its way.

And check out THE ANIMAL REVIEW!