Last Blog Of The Year! Hail Rocky Balboa!

I've been off-line on the blog for a few weeks because the new OPEN RIDE AOL or whatever they are calling it fucking SUCKS. It has possibly the worst design of any web browser ever in the history of the web, and the mail section is completely fucked, so when I try to send out a link, it tells me something is wrong with the address line, but it won't tell me what. Luckily, I figured out a way to get the old AOL 9.0 so I can resume my blogging activities.

The stuff between Trump and Rosie is INSANE. I tend to side with The Donald, Rosie shoots her mouth off and it's not usually funny or especially informed, but I think calling someone out on being unattractive is lower then low. Especially on that high a profile. Still, Rosie's response: making a face? Sounds like she actually is afraid of being sued.

Wasn't that cool that we finally filmed a 30 foot giant squid!!! Then we split it open and killed it - just in time for the holidays!

ROCKY BALBOA (In Theaters)
One of the most pleasant surprises of the year, though I still think that script could've used another draft, there's enough great stuff here to warrant going to the theater.

In fact, I've seen every ROCKY movie in the theatre - even the dreadful 5, which this has more in common with then anybody is willing to admit - though in a good way. This is almost a great rewrite of 5. The acting from everybody is top notch, and stallion, once again, is completely on the money as Rocky, even better. The story moves along slow till fiction' time comes, but this is a bit of a character piece, and it's amazing how much you find yourself caring for Rocky at this point. When I heard they were bringing back Marie from the corner, I rolled my eyes - but it works great.

I have some problems with this - but I can't talk about them without giving away spoilers - and it's not about the results, it's about some questionable flimsiness late in the game, but again - there is no reason not to see this. Unlike LAND OF THE DEAD, the new STAR WARS and all the other creaky resurrections, this one packs a punch - and I swear I will not be shocked if we get one more out of Balboa - after this, it would be welcome. But if this is the end, what a way to go. Most impressive of all was that Stallone was finally able to again craft a real story of heart and emotion and actually make a subtle film. This is perhaps his greatest victory.
Despite some reservations...
Grade: A

THE ACTOR'S STUDIO: EDDIE MURPHY
Pretty great - fun to see Eddie doing character and being funny and humble. Ever since he tried to pick up a trannie Eddie has shyed away from the press, so this was a treat. He talked about his family, his past - his rise, it was unusually good.
Grade: B

Elevator To The Gallows (IFC)
Louise Malle's first film - this is a really good story about a guy who commits murder in the opening minutes of the film, then gets stuck in the elevator en route to escape and all the weird shit that goes on around the incident.
Grade: B

King Of Queens (CBS)
This show returns for one last 13 episode season. Aside from Carrie suddenly being model-thin again, and her hair looking like it might be a bad wig, this is the same funny show it's always been. Some have been better then others, and there's a noticeable lack of Arthur this season - and the show also has the air of something that's a dead issue re: the ending. I'm sure everybody's salary got too high.

It's a shame this never grew into more - Doug and Carrie should've had a kid towards the end (maybe they still will) and it seems like Doug and Arthur could've gotten further in their relationship - but this show's main concern has always been being funny - and aside from a funny but REALLY mean spirited episode that had Doug and Carrie trying to get rid of a dog, (what the fuck were they thinking?), the show has been as funny as ever. Partaker the strolling that had Arthur pimping out old people to sit in people's cars so they could use the rainbow lane (is that what it's called?) Anyway - good stuff. This will be missed.
Grade: A -

DEXTER (Showtime)
Great show. So-so ending. I thought they kind of de-fanged the ice cream truck killer in the last moments and really went for a foregone conclusion to the story. The side characters never really rise above the retarded machinations of late-era NYPD BLUE, but Michael C. Hall absolutely stuns as Dexter, and I can't wait for next season.
Season Finale: B -
Full Season Grade: A

SLEEPER CELL (Showtime)
I've watched the first 2 or 3 and it's good - though not quite as riveting as the first go round.
Grade: B -


THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE (DVD)
A much bigger bore then I ever would've expected, but whoever plays Bettie is as hot as a pistol - it's a shame the movie couldn't be as sexy as it's subject.
Grade: C -

WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR (DVD)
Great docu on the ill-fated electric car - a subject which makes a lot of people angry, since this was our shot at getting over our addiction to foreign oil. Nonetheless, the movie is worth the rental just to check out Mel Gibson's crazy beard.
Grade: B+

Jimmy Kimmel had Howard Stern on 2 Fridays ago and it was probably Howard's best talk show appearance in forever. I don't know how they put Howard in Jimmy's chair, being that Howard was in NY, but the off-air buddies and the ABC technology has now found an absolutely flawless way to have inter-state guests. Also hilarious was the superheroes re-enactment of Chanuka. Mr. Kimmel has been on quite a roll.

Grade: A

HOUSE (FOX)
House has been fun as usual, and thankfully, the Tritter storyline is coming to a close.
Grade: A

MY DATE WITH DREW (MAX)
Reminded me a lot of 30 DATES, another "cute" indie about a guy with a camera who thinks he's adorable because he has a camera. When he finally got his date with Drewtard I almost became nauseous.
Grade: D

SCARFACE (DVD PLATINUM EDITION)
I got suckered and bought this new edition with cleaned up sound - but you know what - the sound is now AWESOME. And there are some cool extras - but if you bought the box from 3 years ago, there's no reason to re-purchase. Best scene: too many to mention, but when Al tells the folks at the restaurant to "What are you looking at you fucking assholes? Say goodnight to the bad guy," there may be nothing else like that for a while.
Grade: A

EXTRAS (HBO ON DEMAND)
Been re-watching this Ricky Gervais show in anticipation of the new season - the first 3 were good - the last 3 eps were REALLY good. Still - it's no OFFICE.

REAL WORLD: COLORADO (MTV)
I like the new cast of developmentally challenged folks living together. Now, I hjust think they're going out of their way to pick out fucktards to live in the house.

BREAKING BONADUCE (VH1)
What a boring ending for such a usually crazy show.
SEASON FINALE: B -
FULL SEASON GRADE: B +


AWAKENINGS (DVD)
Re-watched this recently and forgot that this is one of the very best films of the 90s and a major tear jerker. Maybe Penny Marshal's finest hour as a director, ever. And perhaps Robin Williams finest acting until GOOD WILL HUNTING. There is also a haunting score to go along with it.
Grade: A +


24/7 (MTV)
Utterly fucking unwatchable.
Grade: F

STERN ON LETTERMAN (CBS)
Boring.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN (CBS)
Great. Though I had completely forgotten the storyline with the crazy magician and his evil hat!

SNL: ANNETE BENNING AND GWEN STEPHANI (NBC)
As bad as it gets.
Grade: D

20/20 - the McDonalds prank caller case
Disgusting. (If you saw it.)

DR PHIL - DANNY & GRETCHEN BONADUCE (SYND)
I'm getting to the point where I've had quite enough of Mr. Bonaduce - what was so compelling last year seems very sad now - and I'm starting to not like her.


JARHEAD (HBO)
I didn't watch the last 20 minutes because it seemed to head into predictable territory, but Jake Gylenhall is really good - but Peter Skarsgard steals the show in this war movie based in Iraq.
Grade: C

HANNAH & HER SISTERS (DVD)
Saw this again recently - perfect film. Woody has made 4 perfect films which seem like sequels or rewrites of each other. Annie Hall is great, but Manhattan seems like the even better remake. Hannah is great, and CRIMES & MISDEMEANORS seems like a stellar sequel.
Grade: A+

30 ROCK (NBC)
Funniest new show of the season. Alec Baldwin is da bomb, y'all.
Grade: A


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (CW)
I can't remember who won. That can't be a good sign.

NIP/TUCK (FX)
Once again, what would Christmas be without a WILDLY off the rails NIP/TUCK doing what it does best - fucking up it's legacy. This year, they ripped off MAGNOLIA (???) and ended with the characters deciding to go to LA. Honestly - if you were someone following this show - this episode proved to be sort of a landmark in stupidity and indulgence. Can this show ever be saved? No.
Grade: D
But - If I were grading for sheer audacity and balls with no thought whatsoever to good storytelling: B

THE WIRE (HBO)
Brilliant ending to a brilliant next-to-last season. If season 5 is any bleaker, we may all kill ourselves.

Grade: A


THE BEST OF 2006

Best Talk show: JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

Best Movie: Rocky Balboa, Babel, Borat, Jackass 2, Hard Candy, Who Killed The Electric Car, The Al Gore movie (forgot the name.)

Best TV Show: 30 Rock, THE OFFICE BBC, THE OFFICE AMERICA, Justice, Dexter, Weeds, The Sopranos, The Wire, King Of Queens, Family Guy, Entourage, Wonder Showzen, Drawn Together.

Best CDS: Meatloaf - Bat 3, My Chemical Romance, The KIlers - Tom's Town, Billy Joel - 12 Gardens Live (I admit, my musical taste runs a bit on the safe side.) But where was the new Dr. Drew CD they kept saying was coming out?

Best reason to get satellite radio: Howard Stern (and thanks for the plug!)

Too much stuff to mention, but thanks to everybody that read the blog this year, have a great holiday season, good luck and thanks for all the fish.

Shalom, Everybody.

Until Next Year,
The Digital Couch.

Seth Myers and Billy Crystal - two unfunny men.

SNL: MATTHEW FOX & TENASCIOUS D (NBC)
Mathew Fox was game but the skits were not, as usual. This is truly a season that rivals the one that Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downy Jr. were in. It's just that bad. Even the once unflappable WEEKEND UPDATE has come to a grinding halt - Amy Poehler is great, but you can't make Seth Myers funny no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try - he sucks so bad it truly boggles the mind that he's still on the show, now the head writer, and has single handedly made UPDATE obsolete. Fuck Seth Myers. He seems like a nice enough guy, but let him work at Sam Goody. This is god awful tv. And the usually great Tenacious D, ironically, don't rock quite as hard when they have a full band behind them and they try so hard. A fucked Saturday night.
Grade: D (for the D)
F (for the show)
F - (for Seth Myers)


Help me - still haunted by Billy Crystal's racist impression of a black man during COMIC RELIEF - Michael Richard's has nothing on this guy - believe me - every time Crystal did that cliche'd black smile - people across America were killing themselves because they were embarrassed for him.

JUSTICE (ABC)
Even though ABC is just burning off these episodes, from what I understand, this great series is canceled. Justice had it all for a self-contained hour - usually juicy plots, credible cases, a star in Victor Gabor and a good supporting cast - including Eamonn Walker (Said from OZ) - and best of all, after the verdict is read, we see what really happened at the crime scene.
Justice, there is no justice. You will be missed. See the remaining eps while you can.
Grade: B +


SUPERMAN RETURNS: THE MOVIE (DVD) (Spoilers - sorry)
When I went to see this in the theatre, me and The Girl walked out after the first hour because NOTHING HAPPENED. It looked great, but really - NOTHING HAPPENED. So I got the dvd on Netflix, determined to finish the film but NOTHING HAPPENS. So we rode the fast forward on the dvd - seeing some very impressive flying sequences and some bad acting from the new Lois Lane and her husband (Brandon Routh as Superman is alright - he was just in need of a script.) Even the direction wasn't bad - it was just boring. And to top it all off - the plot makes NO SENSE. Superman says he was gone for 3 years because he heard his planet was still going, then returned to find nothing. Okay, in SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE we watched Superman circle the earth about a billion times in 30 seconds to turn back time. So why would it take him 3 years to find his planet? And why did Superman die 4 times in this movie? And why, when he was stabbed by an almost-menacing Lex Luthor (Spacey is ok, but could've REALLY done without Parker Posey and her Pomeranian yelping at him - talk about de-fanging your villain - the funny thing is - I think the first 2 Superman movies did the same thing by sticking Gene Hackman with some awful actress to bring in "the comedy." Wow, it doesn't work. I was waiting for Billy Crystal to walk in and give that stupid racially charged smile he did on COMIC RELIEF and talk about what it was like before SUPERMAN. Anyway - So Superman dies after Lex stabs him with the kryptonite (although - why would Lex then take it back out?) - then Superman falls into the water. The water, which just happens to be manned by an underwater helicopter driving by Lois Lane and her "seri-comic" new husband! They save him, yeah!!!! While I admire Bryan Singer's efforts to bring the franchise back to life, all he did was stab him with krypton again. This movie is the fucking pits.
Grade: F + (since the heart was in the right place.)


CLASSIC ALBUMS: NIRVANA: NEVERMIND (VH1)
If you're into the albums they're profiling, it doesn't get much better then having the producers and singers (when available) go back to the mixing board and wax on about the making of the album. Stellar, as always.
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH ULTIMATE ALBUMS - the US version, which fucked up the entire concept - forgetting about the album and just making the hour about the artist like any VH1 puff piece - STAY AWAY from ULTIMATE ALBUMS - it's shit. It's shit.
Grade: A


BABEL (DVD)
Me and The Girl watched the dvd of this last night - this year's CRASH. A multitude of stories, almost all, but one, compelling as hell. Brad Pitt gives a great performance, as does the rest of the mostly unknown actors. Though it doesn't quite have the same emotional impact as some of these movies do, it's a damn fine way to spend 2 1/2 hours (it's still in theaters - I had a screener.) The one story I don't believe - the most adorable Asian deaf girl who JUST COULDN"T GET ANYONE TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. While she was certainly fun to look at - the idea that this young model-like girl couldn't get anyone to like her was truly ridiculous and can only happen in the movies.
Grade: B +


HOWARD TV: ARTIE'S DATE DISCUSSION (ON DEMAND)
Okay, maybe I'm biased - but me and The Girl both were floored by the discussion of Artie Lange's date with the girl who won a date with Artie on the radio show. He spent the entire time talking about food, then ordered a rhinoceros burger, then took all of his own, and her food home in a doggy bag. I'm not kidding. Unbelievable. And mostly any one of these ON DEMAND shows is funnier then just about any sitcom you were going to watch instead.
Grade: A


PRISON BREAK (FOX - The Finale')
Thrilling as always - the momentum is crazy, the plot twist are insane, and T-Bag might be the greatest villain in the history of network tv, ever.
Grade: A


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (THE CW)
I think the finale is on tonite - if Melrose wins, there is no God.
Grade: B -


IKE & TINA TURNER IN 71 (PBS)
VERY COOL. Watching a young Tina Turner do RIVER DEEP, MOUNTAIN HIGH is an experience you don't soon forget. And when Ike wasn't beating her, she really shined.
Grade: A


HARD CANDY (DVD)
Just saw this movie on dvd - highly recommended. But not for the squeamish. It begins on a titilating note as a youngish 38 year old man meets a 14 year old girl in a coffee shop after engaging in some soft internet chat. She teases him until they get back to his place. I won't spoil what happens - but this is one of the much better acted and directed movies in the last year and now that it's on dvd, it's a must see. The girl who plays the 14 year old - solid gold. Lots of great extras and a lesson on how to make a small independent film with no money.
Grade: A

The Death Of Boston Legal

30 ROCK (NBC)
This is a really good show - last night's ep was particularly good. It's kind of cool that all the new Thursday Night shows on nbc this year are laugh track free. 30 ROCK is one of my new favorite shows, and again - last night's was kind of exceptional. But the show rarely lives up to the very funny pilot. It's a good show that I hope gets better - but this Rachel Dracht thing will probably haunt it for the rest of its existence. (She was supposed to play Jane K's character, but instead does these not quite that funny cameos that are truly beneath her. On the other hand, Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin are superb, particularly in their scenes together - and Tracy Morgan is right on the money when the script is serving him.
Grade: B


SCRUBS (NBC)
I watched this last night for the very first time - it was their 6th season prem. I remember trying to get into this show a few years back but not liking the style of it - that said, I thought most of last night was pretty funny - pretty bold, yet they still try to hard. But it did make me think that maybe this was one of the better comedies on the air. They do this quick style of jokes with sound effects that could probably have been rendered better - but they took chances with their storyline in an unusual way for a comedy.
Grade: C +


THE OFFICE (NBC)
We got a very special treat last night, as in an episode penned by Ricky Gervais (the original David Brent, creator of OFFICE BBC along with his partner, Stephen Merchant) - that was truly a cut above the usual episode. The laughs were harder, stranger, and you could almost hear the BBC OFFICE in the dialog. Great episode that Steve Carrel was incredibly funny in - and they should let those guys write more of these episodes. The Jim/Big Tuna/Pam stuff was GREAT. So was the reveal regarding an ex-con working at Dunder-Mifflen. It made me wonder what a OFFICE BBC reunion might be about - but they said they'd never revisit. And I guess that's for the best.
Grade: A


TRIBUTE TO JAMES TAYLER (PBS - I think?)
I didn't watch the whole thing yet, but just based on the first 40 minutes - the performers (including Springsteen, Costello, etc.) are fantastic and based just on what I've heard so far - this is one to record.
Grade: B+

God - did anybody see Billy Crystal on COMIC RELIEF doing that bad impression of a black man? He might want to kill himself after he sees the playback. Nothing I could say would prepare you for this.

THE WIRE (HBO)
Continues to great - one of the truly complex crime treatments on tv - I've been catching up on them
ON DEMAND and they never dissapoint. The humor is subtle and sly - and some of the scenes are just so bleak - even the actors I didn't like at the beginning are now in my favor.
Grade: A


MY BROTHER SCOTT
Came over and spent 9 hours fixing my computer problems when he was busy as shit with his own life.
Grade: A +


BORAT (IN THEATRES)
I think I was oversold on this one. Don't get me wrong - I loved it, have to own the dvd of it and will see it many more times on dvd and cable - but it's not quite as good as I'd been hyped to believe. Nonetheless, go with a crowd and laugh your head off at some truly inspired and insane and almost always profane situations.
Grade: A

FLIGHTPLAN (HBO)
Me and The Girl watched this for 20 minutes and decided life is too short. It's exactly what you think it is. Exactly.


BRICK (DVD)
Heard many good things about this teen thriller - me and The Girl tried for about 20 minutes - and was not able to make sense of any of it - so Brick, which sat like a brick in my dvd player for about a month, will be headed back to netflix without a fair review. Sorry.


FLASH GORDON (HBO)
A great, great relic of the 80s. And a truly fucking kick-ass score by Queen with some original songs and a shockingly good performance by Sam Jones as Flash, whose only credit later in life was living with Olivia Newton John for 13 years. But he was good here in this completely preposterous comic book adaption helped along by great performances (if over the top) from Topol as the mad scientist, Tim Dalton (Pre-Bond - he was great here) as a rival spaceman and Max Von Sydow right on the money as Ming the Merciless. This was a favorite of mine growing up, and it has a cult following. I'm surprised there hasn't been a dvd release yet, but I'm guessing there are music issues with Queen tying that up. But this is really deserving of a dvd treatment. As ridiculous as the various scenarios are, they're really exciting and you can really get into this movie, which gets much better after an awkward 20 minute opening sequence. Once they get to Ming's planet - things really get good in a 50s pulpy sort of way.
Grade: A

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Just keeps having great episodes. Just thought I'd mention that.


FIDDLER ON THE ROOF (MAX)
Watched with The Girl for about 40 minutes - what a great movie and a great, hammy performance from Topol. Singing and choreography are first rate - and Mel Gibson does a commentary track.


STUDIO 60 (NBS)
I love it/I hate it. I love it/I hate it.


BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)
D.O.A. TIME OF DEATH - this last episode 2 parter where Shirly is taken hostage. The show went brain dead when Denny and Alan talked extensivly (yet again) about their love of their "balcony time" and screaming "I love you" to each other. This would be great if the rest of the show were on the ball - but it's just like - filler to get Shatner and Spader in a room together. And boy, theyre sticking witht that insulting soundtrack. The shame of this show is it had true potential - great actors, David Kelly - awesome characters - but they just went a different way. And now I go mine. Boston Legal, R.I.P.

BOSTON LEGAL WILL NO LONGER BE REVIEWED HERE.


NIP/TUCK (FX)
On creative life support but barely ingesting oxygen. Another show with creative potention, but they seem so much more interested in these cut-rate bad thriller plots that they never become what the show should really be about - instead it's just...ridiculous. They're hanging onto my dvr by a thread.
Grade: D -


THE REAL WORLD: COLORADO (MTV)
Watched the first two. What a strange bunch this time around. Colie is ridiculous - that short girl that slept with Alex is a major wierdo - though she got off the early season's best line so far - after knowing Colie for less then 36 hours, she sleeps with someone she slept with hours earlier, and then declares "Screw that guy - Colie is someone I LOVE and who will be at my wedding!" So far, so good. Everyone seems to really hate each other.
Grade: B

THE SOPRANOS: ROAD 2 RESPECT ( PS2)
So far - a complete waste of all the SOPRANOS talents - But I haven't gotten that far yet - will let you know how game progresses. So far, a waste.

The World Could've Been Yours, Michael Richards

SCARFACE (DVD)
Just watched this for the first time in about 20 years (I'm old.) What a great, ridiculous, brutal, preposterous movie! And it works exceedingly well despite, or because of, the insane amounts of excess. Pacino never flinches from his Cuban tough guy persona, Steven Baeur shined briefly here in his underdevelop role, and Mary Elizabeth Mastrioanni wears a crazy long 'fro that has to be seen to be believed. Michelle Pfeiffer is here as well - perfect in her role as the wife of the highest bidding drug lord. The film remains all surface, never really delving into any of these people, but there are scenes that have the ring of truth to them throughout. I loved the scene where Tony goes home for the first time in 5 years and throws a crumpled thousand dollar bill on the table to show what a great man he's become. The mother coming down on him has to be a humiliating moment in the movies that's hard to shake. Though I think, even though there are GREAT scenes of violence and action here - the best scene in the movie - the real doozy - is a coked-out Tony biting the heads off his wife "my wife is a junkie with a polluted womb" and his buddy in the restaurant, then turning to the whole crowd and saying "What the fuck are you looking at you fucking assholes? You never seen a bad guy like this. Say goodnight to the bad guy." What a great scene. I think Oliver Stone the screenwriter kind of shot himself in the foot by having Tony want to fuck both his wife and his sister. That's why Michelle goes away without a real resolve to their story, and the sister takes the stage in the final act. And in general, I think the one component this really missed out on was emotion. Every scene is sort of a classic gangster/American dream beat - but there's a certain individuality to Scarface that I think could've been capitalized on more. Had they figured out a way to integrate both the wife and the sister into the last act, it could've been more epic, but either way - this is some kind of twisted masterpiece.
The extras are really good, from about 5 featurettes on the making of - to a revealing half hour of deleted scenes, to a hilarious reel of the changes the movie made from film to tv.
Grade: A +

DRAWN TOGETHER (COM)
Has anyone else noticed that this has become the raunchiest, funniest cartoon on the block? Just watched a bunch of them and found the general quality to be really good to brilliant.
Grade: A -

BREAKING BONADUCE (VH1)
I love this show - and Danny seems just as insane as ever. Don't expect this little moment of happiness between Danny & his wife to stay that way. People like Danny crave the drama (and so does vh1) so believe me, a calm environment is not what keeps his interest - it's conflict and chaos - that's what he thrives on. For the record, I think Gretchen should just divorce him, but I'm sure she likes being on TV, too.
Grade: A


THE LAKE HOUSE (DVD)
Slow moving but really cool movie about romance and time travel. No spoilers here, but Sandra Bullock does her best acting work since SPEED (not counting her good work in CRASH - but she was barely in it) - and Keanue is (dare I say) the thinking man's romantic.
Grade: B


EBERT & ROEPER (SYND)
Roger Ebert's recovering from a stroke, so the show has been trotting out different people to sit in with Roeper. Here are their grades:
AISHA TYLER - probably the most idiotic cement headed critic ever to be on a tv show. She's such a fucking knucklehead. A true idiot. She uses words that sound right but don't exist. She has a ridiculous wink she keeps working, and I can't believe I'm devoting this much space to her.
Grade: F

ZORIANNA KITT (from TV GUIDE "movies" - whatever that meant.) Almost dumber then Aisha - a complete moron and insanely embarrassing moment for this tv show.
Grade: F +

Fred Willard - Great. Funny, if not completely insightful.
Grade: B

Kevin Smith - Another great guest critic and true fan of movies - though I'm not a huge fan of his. But I've always found his persona really engaging. And his take on movies is pretty on the money.
Grade: B +

Harold Ramis - The GHOSTBUSTERS director and former SCTV frontman did a great job reviewing the movies. Full of insight, humor and warmth - a great guest critic.
A -

A.O. Scott - from the Chicago Times (Or New York?) - he's the best. A real critic and good foil for Roeper. A true critic with solid opinions, and who I think should be the permanent guest till Roger's return.
Grade: A
dexter (Showtime)
Clocked in with a fantastic episode last week that wrapped up the Ice Cream Truck killer case - or did it? And also brought in the menacing ex husband of Dexter's girlfriend. No spoilers, but this was a first rate ep.
Grade: A +


STUDIO 60 (NBS)
I watched 3 on my dvr, NEVADA DAY 1 & 2, and OPTION PERIOD. Slowly starting to re-like this show, though it's still complete bullshit - they seem to be getting into a better storytelling mode - even though it feels like a show from the 50s. (John Goodman's judge was a complete cliche'.) Worst of it's current misdeeds, taking DAWN, from THE OFFICE BBC, and literally humiliating her every single episode by giving her really bad comedy to perform. Surely, Tim would not stand for this?
Grade: B -


NIP/TUCK (FX)
Why be so idiotic as to set a show 25 years in the future and put a cap on everybody's character. A suicidal idea that went over like a lead balloon. The following ep was somewhat better - but the non chalance with which these characters handle their increasingly outlandish lots in life - what happened to this show?
Grade: D


THE SOPRANOS (HBO)
Just finished the 6th season. It really did kind of just peter out at the end - but as a chapter in an ongoing story - it worked well enough. There was an interesting finale that dealt with the love lives of Christopher and AJ that sort of worked. Now, on to the final 8 in March.
Grade: A -


For those who can't get enough of Chris Makepeace, my friend Jason contributed this site:
http://www.artstomp.com/makepeace/index.html
If you don't know who Chris Makepeace is, you've obviously never seen MEATBALLS or MY BODYGUARD (or MAZES & MONSTERS.)


GPS SYSTEM (STAR)
Okay, I'm not sure what system it is - but I used one of these things in Vegas over the weekend to get around (my mother's new car has it.) And if you're one of those people (like me) who get lost going to the grocery store - this is probably the greatest invention of the 21st Century.
Grade: A +


THE KRAMER FIASCO
A lot of talk about Michael Richards. You can see his original onstage rant HERE:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9sEUIZsmTOE

After watching it, it's pretty clear that he had an awful night. When I first saw it, I thought it was just part of his shtick. If this were on a COMEDY CENTRAL ROAST, nobody would've thought twice about - well, maybe - but really - I've been to many comedy clubs and heard those words out of many comedians mouths - and I don't necessarily think it automatically brands you as a racist - I just think he was reacting. They found a 80s clip of Richards doing the same bit with a Jewish guy. I think had he just said he went over the line and didn't mean anything by it, this might've gone away. But then came this Letterman appearance which you can view in it's entirety here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1UR4sysYE3A

You see, it gets harder to defend him because he's coming off like a sedated lunatic. He's also going around giving a LOT of weird quotes, sounding like a guy who's really out of touch with reality.

I think I prefer to remember Kramer as the K-Man - because this shit is ultimately just too disturbing. For the record, I doubt he's a racist, and there's something very fucked up about being on a late night comedy stage and saying the wrong thing and suddenly it's out in the world to vilify you and ruin your life. On the other hand, he's been so strange about in print and on Letterman - I just think he might have personal problems. This is not Mel Gibson calling people Jews as he dangerously drunk drives - this is a comedian on stage dealing with a heckler. I think no matter what the nationality of the person - they would've gotten the same treatment. Was it appropriate - look, that's not for me to decide. I've been to the COMEDY STORE where worse things were said by just as famous comedians and people were laughing their heads off. It could've went another way - but it didn't, and I feel a lot of sympathy for Richards because I think this is going to fuck him up for a long time to come - and be a part of his legacy, as well as SEINFELD's. (I thought Jerry was masterful in his handling of this on Letterman - except for his ridiculous "Be quiet - it's not funny.") So, first they give us the worst last episode in history - and now Kramer's a racist! I don't know what the answer is, but this is one of those horrible things that just makes me sad.


CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING
I had the pleasure to watch this with my 5 year old niece, Chloe, and was reminded of why I loved the PEANUTS crew so much and how fantastic those old tv specials were. They don't make 'em like this anymore, and watching this special after not having seen it in over a decade was something of a revelation.
Grade: A +


I thought the K-FED gag on Jimmy Kimmel's AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS (they should have him host every year - he was terrific) was pretty insane. They had a K-Fed look a like descend from the roof to the floor, then put in a box and thrown into the river. Right after the bit, Brittney came out to present, and looked really pissed. Great tv. And what's she so pissed about - she married him.


ICONOCLASTS: PAUL SIMON & LORNE MICHAEL (Sundance)
A great 45 minutes with these two fast friends - this offered insight on both men, plus plenty of revealing behind the scenes stuff of both SNL and the recent SIMON & GARFUNKLE reunion. Great show.
Grade: A

TGIF

THE SOPRANOS (Season 3 HBO ON DEMAND)
For some reason, HBO stopped putting the eps up on demand. Too bad - I was rather enjoying the 5th season and definitely thinking I might've been too hard on it. With the expectations lowered, it's quite a cool, albeit very slow moving season. But it certainly had it's very high points.


THE OFFICE (NBC)
Super-sized with an extra 15 minutes to introduce the two branch merger (a direct plot point from the BBC show.) Although - they didn't give Michael a boss, which they did in the BBC show - but I'm sure that's to prolong the tragectory of the show. The episode itself was great fun - i love the BIG TUNA guy going toe to toe with Michael in terms of bad humor. The Pam/Jim stuff is interesting - and as usual - Dwight is so far over the top he keeps the show from becoming great. All that aside - I really like the American version and it's a welcome addition to Thursday nights.
Grade: B

WORLD'S GREATEST BATHROOMS (E!)
Worth watching if you happen by it.

MEATLOAF: BAT 3: THE MONSTER IS LOOSE (AUDIO)
Possibly too harsh the first review around - I'm still listening to it. Liking THE MONSTER IS LOOSE title track more and more (I didn't realize there was a cool middle to the song) - BLIND AS A BAT must be the best song on the cd, IT"S ALL COMING BACK TO ME is played out but Meat delivers a great vocal that saves it (almost), BAD FOR GOOD is another high point - it sounds a lot like INTO THE FIRE from BAT 2 - but that's not a bad thing. Except for one unfortunate refrain (I was built for speed) - this songs rocks pretty hard in the tradition of Jim Steinman. Still hating CRY FOR ME, IF GOD COULD TALK, LAND OF PIGS, IF IT AIN'T BROKE - but really loving ALIVE. Can't stand WHAT ABOUT LOVE. Kind of think SIEZE THE NIGHT was well intentioned but misfired. THE FUTURE is getting better to my ears - and CRY TO HEAVEN is as somber a piece as u'll find in the plundered Steinman cataloge to end this thing. All in all - a very decent showing and I still can't help thinking that if Jim had done this from top to bottom, we'd be in a different ball game - but for the meantime, i'm going to have to change my B - to a B for the songs that do work.
REVISED GRADE (RARE) - B / B +

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE: SINGLE: CANCER (AUDIO)
Haven't really given the whole cd a whirl yet - but CANCER is a heartbreaking song perfectly executed.
Grade: A

I WANT YOU TO KILL ME (vh1)
Very enteraining doc on Kiefer Sutherland's bad that he's promoting in England. Surprisingly absorbing. And watching Kiefer is really fun and interesting.
Grade: B

So -- in the life is too short category, I've dropped 2 shows.
STUDIO 60 - very close to being dumped - but it's getting into levels of badness that I find entertaining. The 2-parter with John Goodman seemed like it was done in the 70s. Even with a corny ending you could see coming 8 miles away.

VERONICA MARS - brilliant first season. Decent 3rd season, but - it's over. I don't even know what's going on anymore and I watch it every week.

HEROES - great vibe - but after 8 eps, I expected something to happen. It's a slow build and they haven't gone anywhere with it - so as for now, it's off the dvr.

AMERICAN DAD (FOX)
Stan becomes a drag racer. Funnier then last week, but not that funny.

FAMILY GUY (FOX)
I swear I can't remember what it was about but it was very funny.
Grade: B +

THE SHIELD (3rd season dvd set)
Boring opening eps - GREAT middle section, then sort of peters out in the last couple of episodes. All in all, a pretty decent season.
Grade: B +

OVER THERE (dvd set)
Just finished watching this with The Girl. Thought it had a really lame uneventful season ender - but it was still a good episode. The highlite had to be when Curry Graham guested as a suicidal doctor - I think that was the last great ep - but this was a great show, and the 90 minute docu on the making of it is extremely fun and very revealing. This is a show that should've had more seasons. But, as it stands:
Grade: A -

nothing much to say monday

I watched part of the WORLD'S UGLIEST DOG competition - was pretty hilarious - though I thought all the dogs were cute.

Saw the ZOO TV show that they're selling on AMAZON these days. I think it's only for the die hards - wasn't impressed with sound quality, song selection or image quality. But if you love U2 - I'm sure you'll love it.

JANE, THE HERAPHODITE: HOWARD TV (ON DEMAND)
A hilarious 20 minutes spent with a deluded guy, who, as Howard points out, looks a LOT like Billy West. He came in wearing a dress and bra and claimed himself to be a hermaphodite - but further examination didn't really reveal that - it got much crazier then that - but you'll have to tune it to see it. Nonetheless, another stellar outting on what is quickly becoming the best comedy network on tv.
Grade: A

MEATLOAF FRIDAY

BAT OUT OF HELL 3: THE MONSTER IS LOOSE (AUDIO)
There's no way to talk about this CD without giving a nod to the unlikely history of Meatloaf. Before anything, there was his cameo in ROCKY HORROR as Eddie. HOT PATOOTIE is a great Rocky Horror song and one of the very few non-Steinman Meatloaf classics. Forgetting about that for a moment, BAT OUT OF HELL was one of my very first favorite albums. It was epic, grand - it had lots of drama and most of all, it sounded awesome. To this day I still listen. There are 7 songs - all perfect. The title track, Paradise, 2 out of 3, Heaven Can Wait and the stunning 10 minute closer, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Meatloaf became a household name after that album dropped in 1977, and it was one of the few albums to have the artist on the cover, yet feature WORDS & MUSIC BY JIM STEINMAN as well. You see - Steinman is Dr. Frankenstein and Meatloaf is the Monster. Meatloaf has NEVER written a song on his own that was any good. He's had a few non-Steinman hits, but far and wide, Meat is at his best when he's singing Steinman. In this little hub of music, think of Steinman/Meatloaf as you would Elton/Bernie Taupin. It doesn't really work without the other.

After BAT 1, Meatloaf had a nervous breakdown and lost his voice. Steinman, who had been preparing their follow up, BAD FOR GOOD, ended up using the material as his debut solo album, which, frankly - Steinman had the writing chops but not the pipes, though some of his song deliveries are not bad.

When Meatloaf came back to earth, they released DEAD RINGER, which sounded like a bad impression of BAT 1, and had a song called MORE THEN YOU DESERVE, in which Meatloaf walked in on his girlfriend as she was being gang-banged by all his friends. The opening, PEEL OUT tried to be some sort of sequel to BAT OUT OF HELL, but sounded dulled out and Meat's voice sounded like it was recorded at the wrong speed. There are those who like this CD, but it's just not the goods. The only real hit was READ EM AND WEEP - which still holds up, despite Meat's flinty vocal, which works well in this song. The song was later recorded by both MANILOW and STREISAND and became a hit for each of them.

Meat and Steinman went their seperate ways - apparantly they really don't get along. Steinman went on to do some albums with Air Supply (Making Love Out Of Nothing At All - classic Steinman,) Bonnie Tyler ("Total Eclipse of the heart" and "Holding out for a hero" clearly sound like BAT 1 - as well as Celine Dion "It's All Coming Back To Me Now."

He even did another album called PANDORA'S BOX which featured him and some others - but it didn't quite take - despite good songs and lofty ambitions. It did give Steinman his first and only radio hit, ROCK AND ROLL DREAMS COME THROUGH. (Later made a hit again by Meat on BAT 2.)

Later, Meatloaf went on to record a shitload of mediocre cds and started touring exensively. Of all his solo outings, only THE RAZOR'S EDGE from the same name CD was any good. But barely. He recorded a smattering of Steinman penned songs after that, but it seemed like all the passion from BAT 1 was dead.

I remember then being in MODY DISC in the valley and being shocked to find a pre-release copy of BAT OUT OF HELL II: BACK INTO HELL. I didn't know what to think - I was such a huge fan and somehow I had no idea this was even happening. I quickly became addicted to the CD as lightening struck twice and this CD had a similar passion as the first BAT. From the opening of that sterling piano on ANYTHING 4 LOVE, to Steinman's re-recorded ROCK AND ROLL DREAMS, to IT JUST WON'T QUIT - Meatloaf was back in a BIG way. There was the 13 minute opus OBJECT IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR and the beatiful closing LOST BOYS & GOLDEN GIRLS. The two CDs together seemed to tell a dramatic story with humor about growing up, sex, women, motorcycles - this was like Springsteen amped up to a 30 in over-the-topness - but Steinman's gift of melody and turn of phrase, along with Meatloaf's rebounded voice made this a major winner - even more shocking, it sold on par with BAT 1 - becoming a true comeback story that sounded like a fairy tale. How could this CD, 17 years after the first, become such a monster hit? Because, with the sole exception of an unfortunate, metal sounding LIFE IS A LEMON - the CD was again, nearly perfect.

All the start aligned and the thing just worked brilliantly.

After Bat 2, things got dicey again. Meat and Steinman fell out of favor yet again - however, Meat continued to record.

After Bat 2, Meat has a new audience and the next CD was WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD, which was actually a pretty decent non jim-produced Meat CD. It featured the biggest non-Steinman Meat song ever, I'D LIE FOR YOU (AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.) - A Dianne Warren penned duet that sounded a LOT like ANYTHING 4 LOVE (truth be told.) It also had 2 Steinman songs - Heat Of The Night (forget the exact name) which completely sounds like a BAT song, ("All I wanted was a piece of the Night") and even better, LEFT IN THE DARK, another 8 minute Steinman masterpiece. I don't know who produced it, but it sounded like a real Meat/Steinman classic.

All in all, an OK effort.

Then there was a hideous live album MEATLOAF LIVE ALL OVER THE WORLD that kinda sucked, which mystifies me, because they have a superb live band - but they had really bad, muddy mixes and strange vocals from Meat.

You are better off with the CD MEATLOAF STORYTELLERS. Sounds a lot better - but there is a very popular bootleg called TO HELL & BACK which is a superb document of the BAT 2 tour. (Why there isn't a proper Bat 2 era DVD is another mystery.)

Then a few years ago Meatloaf did an album with Nikki Six of Motley Crue which yielded only one modest hit - DID I SAY THAT - and no contributions from Steinman. The worst post BAT 2 CD ever.

And now, the following is all based on various stories I've heard, but there seems to be some truth in all the acounts.

Meatloaf saw Steinman on the street a few years ago and Steinman said "Let's do BAT 3- I have a bunch of songs." As a warm up, they recorded some new tracks for THE VERY BEST OF MEATLOAF - 3 tracks, GOTTA GET HOME BY NOW, which has lyrics by Steinman and music by Andrew Lloyd Webber - it's quite good. Two more tracks from that were A KISS IS A TERRIBLE THING 2 WASTE and there was another - and they all sounded kind of BATesque, if not quite the same thing.

So here is the story of BAT OUT OF HELL 3. This is all depending on who you talk to - but common speculation is this. Steinman wanted to do Bat 3. Meatloaf, of course, wants to do it - these are really the CDs that he builds his legend on - so Steinman contributes some songs and Meatloaf doesn't really love them. (This from the man who picked the worst song on the HEDWIG soundtrack to record. Still, he uses 7 of Steinman's songs - none written expressely for the the project - but so what - Bat Out Of Hell 2 featured at least a third of re-used Steinman songs.

Then Steinman doesn't get a producing credit on BAT 3, and all Hell breaks loose. Steinman takes Meat to court over the use of the name BAT OUT OF HELL - a judge orders that Meat can use it, under Steinman's provision that they both "just leave each other alone."

So Bat 3, the end of the trilogy (sure) is here. Meatloaf went out and got Desond Child to produce it - a producer known mostly for his bland top ten hits. He also turns out to be a decent mimic of Jim Steinman - but not that decent. Mealoaf's use of him, and Nikki Six from Motley Crue - none of this is really a good sign - but the speculation is over and the CD is out - so, at this point I've put so much ink on the subject, here is a song by song review of the new CD.

1 - THE MONSTER IS LOOSE - Non-Steinman. A cool rock song - it's been available on the web for about 5 months now - but it's no BAT OUT OF HELL - it barely seems like it belongs on this CD. I don't know why Meat thinks his future is in hard rock - and even though this track sort of works, as the opening number? Where is the sterling piano notes? The motorcycle sound effects? The continuity?
This is okay - but as the opener - unforgivable.
Monster Is Loose Grade: B -

2 - BLIND AS A BAT - Non-Steinman. Now we're talking - of all the non - Steinman songs, this is the most BAT like and probably the best track on the cd. Maybe even the best non-steinman moment of Bat's career. And it's a great imitation of Jim Steinman like grandeur. This is probably what they should've opened with.
Blind As A Bat: A -

3 - IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME - Meatloaf revisits this hit for Celine Dion that Steinman wrote & produced (originally - for the very first BAT cd) - and comes up with a winner. It's a shame the song is completely fucked out since this was a hit back when BAT 2 was around, but it sounds good.
Grade: B +

4 - BAD FOR GOOD - A Steinman classic, with some Brian May on guitar giving it a Queen sound - and a decent arrangement. Meat once said he would never record this song, but I'm glad he did. This is kind of like OUT OF THE FRYING PAN in BAT 2. In fact, this song sound more like BAT 2 then anyother song on the CD.
Grade: B +

The rest - not so good. ALIVE is okay. SIEZE THE NIGHT is a Steinman oldie from an aborted BATMAN play - not so great. And when Steinman doesn't produce Steinman songs - it never quite sounds right.

THE FUTURE JUST AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE is another cool Steinman oldie - first recorded for PANDORA'S BOX. This song actually starts out pretty good until Meat, on the 3rd duet on this disc (you can see his mind working overtime, knowing that some of his biggest hits have been duets), starts singing with Jennifer Hudson. It's real good - but I would rather had a stripped down production and let Meat sing his heart out without a partner. The disc really needed a song like that. Just Meat and a Piano playing a Steinman composition. That's usually the best recipe.

There's a Diane Warren penned CRY FOR ME which sounds like a bad 80s reject.

LAND OF THE PIGS is a Steinman and not of my favorite genre - very much in the LIFE IS A LEMMON variety.

The CD ends with CRY TO HEAVEN, another plundered Steinman song from the 80s. It's just ok - a 2 minute wrap up that sounds more like an Irish folk tale then a cohesive end to the Bat saga, but I guess this is an okay ending. At least we got it.

But it's hard to imagine what might've been. Had this been an all Steinman affair - but who knows if it ever would've come out? I'm betting it would've been what we were really waiting for.

Where are the pianos? The great choruses? The 12 minute standouts? The sly humour? None of this is present. But at least it's a new Meatloaf CD with Steinman songs on it. It doesn't really feel like a BAT record - but the saga probaly ended with BAT 2.

GRADES:
BAT OUT OF HELL 1: A +
BAT OUT OF HELL 2: A +

BAT OUT OF HELL 3: B -

The ultimate insult is that Jim Steinman and Meatloaf will probably never work again together after this, and all we get out of it is a sub-par BAT cd. Maybe Meat should've stopped while he was ahead. That said, here's hoping Meat And Jim reunite for some kind of BAT ENCORE, part 4, a 3 song EP DISC, something to put a more satisfying close on this epic that was such a part of my life growing up.

To see that awful no talent Katherine McPHee talking shit about Meatloaf and being really disrespectful, go here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0QJjAskq9nE

To see a wierd take on ANYTHING 4 LOVE, go here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5Fgpq0xP33o

Jim Steinman's great website, where you can find endless BAT stuff, articles, and best of all - crazy downloads (MP3s) From Steinman's demos of BAT OUT OF HELL to complete free Meatloaf shows from the late 70s. Awesome, awesome sight.
http://www.jimsteinman.com/bottom.htm
another way to get in:

http://www.jimsteinman.com/whatsnew.htm




DEXTER (showtime)
After last week's slow-paced but always good hour, this week ratched things up quite a few notches. Dexter seems to be in deep shit - both with his work, his sister, his girlfriend and his freedom. The twists were great and even the actors I thought were poorly cast turned in great performances in this ep.
Grade: A

NIP/TUCK (F/X)
Matt is marrying Kimber and having a baby.
Boblit was back, and so was the drug dealer from the first season.
As well as the guy playing his underling, who's now on THE CLOSER.
I should really remember his name, but I don't.
This show is ridiculous.
And somehow I can't stop watching.
I don't know what kind of grade to give it.
It makes no sense, but it somehow works.
Grade: ?


PRISON BREAK (FOX)Has anyone noticed that this scrappy show has become one of the best guilty/smart pleasures of the entire season. There are more twists and turns then you can count, and the narrative drive seems to be working. And three cheers for the return of Anthony Dennison as their CIA pop!
Grade: B +

AMERICAN DAD (FOX)Stan goes gay.
Ho hum.
Grade: C

COMIC EVANGELISTS (AFI FILM SELECTION - THE ARCLIGHT)
The Girl dragged me out to the Arclight to see this film - an AFI film festival "mockumentary" about comic evangelists. This could not have sounded worse - yet it turned out to be one of the better films and funnier films I've seen all year. The take on the subject matter is hilarious and the acting is top notch and best of all - it was actually subtle. Great job.
Grade: B +

E.R. (NBC)
Forrest Whitaker rocks.

Mario Van Peebles seemed kind of verbosely retarded when he guest hosted on EBERT & ROEPER on Sunday. He's really taken with himself.

HOUSE OF CARTERS (E!)
Somehow growing on me - but those two kids are ready to kill each other.
Grade: C


STUDIO 60 (NBS)
Continues to kind of suck with the one exception of snappy, suprising dialog. Otherwise - this week, with the kind of bimbos that Sorkin only dreams about and the pitiful homeless man reminded me of the WEST WING ep where Toby stopped the whole White House to deal with a homeless person. This show is going down fast and hard. The whole thing with the black comic they hired - fucking ridiculous.
Grade: C -

NIP/TUCK (F/X)
Another decent episode - although it was hard to stomach Liz and Alanis Morrisette. I think the Sean/Julia romance may finally be coming to an end.
Grade: B

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE (CD)
A great new CD, with the standout track being "CANCER." This kind of sounds like a more sophisticated Green Day - but no surprise, they share a producer. Still, I'm listening to this a LOT and it gets better with every listen.

HOWARD STERN - UNCLEAN BEAVER (CD)
A CD from the old days - his first I think. Mostly sub-par, but a few standouts, like 50 WAYS TO RANK YOUR MOTHER and NEIL YOUNG'S CAT. Otherwise it's dated badly.
Grade: C -

SNL: THE BEST OF DARYL HAMMOND (NBC)
They did their best to remind us that Daryl Hammond has done a LOT of different characters on the show. He's really unrecognizable in many of the roles and possibly the same type of go to guy that Phil Hartman was - though not nearly as funny as Hartman. Still, this compilation of sketches reminds us why they kept Hammond in the mass firings over the summer. He's solid. I think Seth Myers has actually destroyed the WEEKEND UPDATE - he's bad. Real bad. The idea that he's head writer boggles my mind - but then again - this is SNL's worst year in a decade. That said - Amy Poehler single handedly keeps me tuning in - she might be the funniest lady on late nite left these days. And I actually miss Horatio Sanz - if for nothing else - his infectous laughter (who cares if they laugh - most of the sketches suck anyway) - and his demented "I'M CAROL!" were one of my old highlights. And I'd kill to see another BLOATER BROTHERS sketch - but I guess that's out of the question.

RESCUE ME (F/X) - 3rd Season Finale
Good show with a lot of resolutions you can guess from a mile away. And a dumb cliffhanger. Though I still kind of love this show for the dialoge, the characters, the vibe - if not the particular situations. And definintely not for Tatum O"Neal's over the topness.
Season Finale grade: B -
3rd SEASON GRADE: B+

TWILIGHT ZONE (SCI-FI)
Been watching a few of the old B&W eps that air virtually unct on sci-fi - almost had forgotten just how fantastic they are. The one with the kid who controls the town and everyone kisses his ass is superb.

PAULA POUNDSTONE (BRAVO)
I think - not sure where I caught this - but she was surprisingly lucid, together and very very funny. She talked about her situation for a bit, but mostly it was the tight observational comedy that turned her into minor comedy star in the first place.
Grade: C+

ROSANNE: BLONDE & BITCHIN' (HBO)
Me & The Girl shut this down 10 minutes in after she started getting real current - talking about gay marriage and the president. Wow. How could this delusional unfunny woman be the same mind behind the genius sitcom ROSANNE? (Except for the final season.) That these two personas can coexist truly boggles the mind - this felt like it was taped in the 70s. Her jokes were old even back when the old wisemen were telling it to the Isrealites.
Grade: F


AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (CW)
Anchel left - I thought she was cute. But she's no model.

One last word about BAT 3 - it's quite good - better then many CDs out there - but if you're asking me to say it's a worthy finale' to the Bat trilogy rather then what it really is - just a good Meatloaf CD with some cool Steinman songs and some interesting new originals. To put this CD in the same category that includes HEAVEN CAN WAIT and OBJECTS IN THE REARVIEW - just doesn't work for me. The shame of this, is that had Meat just released this as a regular release, it probably would've come off better. But he promised us RETURN OF THE JEDI and delivered EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH. While BAT 3 isn't anywhere near as hideous a creature as SITH, or that entire 2nd cycle for that matter, it's not Bat 1 or even 2. But it's not GODFATHER 3, either.

Somewhere between Rocky 3 and Lethal Weapon 3.

She Killed In Ecstasy!

Please excuse the smashed together paragraphs - the new computer is giving me trouble - Dig Couch.

What's funnier - Salma Hayeck's hilarious cameos on UGLY BETTY or Sandra Bullocks side splitting cameos as the "accident-prone" worker in GEORGE LOPEZ?

Kill me now before something like this happens again. Everytime I see a celebrity doing a bad over the top cameo, I think Bruce Willis in FRIENDS - or any episode of WILL & GRACE.

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's FACING FUTURE (CD)http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/B00000JFG3/ref=s9_asin_image_0/002-5995932-7604003
Known as "Iz" - it's impossible to really say how popular he was in Hawaii - but believe me, he was like Elvis in the late 50s - and this CD - I believe a compilation of some of his best songs - is da bomb. Remember that "somewhere over the rainbow" cover that seemed to be everywhere for a little while? That's Iz - included in this CD as well. Tracks 5, 8, and 14 are the best - but you really can't go wrong with Izzy.
Grade: A

SHE KILLED IN ECSTASY (Sundance)
This has to be the grooviest 1970 movie ever made. I watched it on Sundance - it kind of defies explanation - but I'll try. A woman avenges her husband's suicide against the colleagues who ridiculed him while he was alive. You have to see this movie - it's Italian and subtitled - with a seriously beach trip soundtrack and a healthy use of the ZOOM button - it's kind of like LAUGH IN for the weed set. And the great thing is, as bad as this thing gets - it keeps getting more and more ridiculous - really - one for the ages.
Grade: A

THE SOPRANOS (season 6.1 - first five eps)
Been watching the latest repeats to familiarize myself with the new season coming up - I think I was a bit harsh on this last season. Taken for what it is - it really wasn't bad - and some of it was superb. But the coma thing did go on for a bit too long, diminishing it's power. The Paulie storyline with his Aunt/Mother paternity - was really unfortunate. And some of it just seemed like they were going through the paces. Still, at it's worst, it's the best. And LIVE FREE OR DIE (the ep where the gang finds out Vito is gay - is fantastic. All the biz with Carmella and her spec house - not so much.
Grade: A -

ROSANNE BARR on JIMMY KIMMEL
Jimmy looked genuinely astonished when la lunatic talked about how her 11 year old son was the "hippest, funnest guy on the planet." Jimmy asked "I mean, how fun is he?" She's the exact opposite of all the things we used to love about her. The more I listened to the interview, the more insane she sounded. Still - discounting the last season (where she won the lottery - the premise, by the way - for the new already unwatchable Rosie O' Donnel FX show), ROSANNE, the sitcom was one of the best. But I'll still probably check out her return to stand up on her upcoming HBO concert. It sounds bad already - she was telling Jimmy that after 9/11 she HAD to come back - yikes. Nothing like hearing an insane person's thoughts on the world and how it relates to her.

LOST (ABC) (SPOILERS)
So long, Mr. Ecco. Sad to see such a great character exit in such a mediocre episode. This show is apparently taking a 13 week break after next week - let's hope they retool what they have and get back to being compelling instead of holding us hostage for one hour every week. I still love this show, but it's getting harder to believe in the narrative.
Grade: C +

30 ROCK (ABC)
Continues it's funny ways. The chemistry between Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin is great. And I can swear this was the 2nd episode in a row that didn't have even a cameo from the alleged "lead" - Jane "Snappish" whatever her last name is.

BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)
Not only has this thing jumped the shark, but it's now actually engaged in anal sex with the shark.
Grade: F

HEROES (NBC)
I really like this show - but there are still no great moments to dazzle - and life is too short. So I'm going to hang on - but something better happen soon.

HOWARD TV
Continues to be the most exciting channel on cable. The funniest stuff on right now is GARY PUPPET and GARY FIRES JOHN - watch them in that order. They're both culled from the late, great E! show - but re-edited and uncensored. The look on Gary's face concerning the stolen Gary puppet is one for the ages. And these episodes remind us why we used to love Stuttering John so much - the turncoat.
Grade: A +
ALSO: Look for a 1 penny offer on how to get a 2 1/2 hour ON DEMAND that show that culls the best of the year. It's one cent and you can see how good it is for yourself. It is truly a brilliant compilation and genius editing to somehow wrap up a year into two and a half hilarious hours.

Best line this month:

Artie: Why are we farting on this woman?

FRIDAY THE 13th PART 1 & 2 (DVD)
Watched this with friends Ron & Jen & The Girl over Halloween - found ourselves fast forwarding to the last act - when all the teenagers are on the run. The first film is a bit more stylish, as the mom being the killer was a pretty different way to go. Then Jason turns up for part 2 - we laughed a lot but never quite got scared. Still, for Halloween veiwing, hard to beat this 2 parter.

PATRICK (DVD)
Almost forgot about this oldie - a British horror film that has PATRICK in a coma and falling love with his nurse, using his telekinetic powers to terrify her. Rent this if you get a chance - still scary, and a little ridiculous.
Grade: C +

NIGHTMARE ON ELM ST. (DVD)
This was the last film we watched on All Hallow's Eve - and easily the very scariest of the bunch. Even though Freddy went on to be Horror's answer to HennyYoungman, to quote my friend, Ron - "he was scary as shit in the first one." At one point, the movie was really scary and the trick or treaters started jangling the door and all the ladies screamed. Pretty cool.
Grade: B +

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Another show well done. As they've all been.
Grade:A

AUDITION (MAX)
A VERY creepy film that is slooooow, until the last half hour. Really creepy.
Grade: B +

HOGAN KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Surprisingly compelling. Hulk usually looks miserable, and his wife seems manic.
Grade: C +

THE BACHELOR (ABC)
You knew he was going to ditch the Italian girl who couldn't speak English. Now I guess he'll 86 the marriage-happy psycho who came to her date in a wedding dress. I like how they use Erica, the only true whack job in the bunch who got eliminated a few weeks ago - and have her comment on the show - this edition is losing a lot of steam with these sweet but very boring girls.
Grade: C


WEEDS (SHOWTIME - SEASON FINALE)
Good show. Bad season ender with ridiculous cliffhanger. Even worse - her best friend shooting off that gun in the house. Strange - they'd been pitch perfect all season and now this. An all but the kitchen sink episode (incidently - the highest rated episode of WEEDS history.)

Season Finale Grade: B -
OVERALL SEASON GRADE: B +

THE PARANORMAL PROJECT (Vh1)
Haven't seen it - but the girl LOVED it!

Have a great weekend - will be back next week with reviews of BREAKING BONADUCE, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, LAKE HOUSE and MEATLOAF: BAT OUT OF HELL 3 - THE MONSTER IS LOOSE!

BABA BOOEY ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE....

THE COMEDY CENTRAL ROAST OF WILLIAM SHATNER (COM)
Hilarious and profane as always, the roast rocked, Shatner was in fine form, taking it like the best of them. Sulu and Artie Lange were there, which gave the whole thing a Howard Stern effect - although I thought Artie wasn't his usual self and didn't score as well as people like Jeff Ross (great), Greg Giraldo, and even Betty White, who was shockingly good. Lisa Lampanelli is usually great, but her same - "I go out with the black man" shtick is getting really old. But this was as good as these things usually get. I just wonder where people like James Spader and Leanard Nimoy were.
Grade: B +
THE ROAST OF BABA BOOEY (HOWARD TV)
On the other side of the taste-meter, here was the roast for Howard's long suffering producer, Gary Dell'Abate. I've met Gary a few times and have to say he's one of the nicest human beings I've ever met - so I wasn't surprised that nobody (except a delightfully insane Sal) went for the jugular. I was a little surprised Howard himself didn't do a set, but Artie was a grand slam - as was almost everybody. These roasts are becoming the talk of the town, but the real oddball thing in this was to see the long-departed Jackie The Jokeman in the roaster's seat. Being a fan of Howards now for 20 plus years, this was a real thrill. About 10 years ago, Jackie walked off the show in a contract dispute (he wanted more money) and has really not been heard from since. Probably one of the all time career blunders ever made - and the roasters did not let that go unnoticed. Jackie is back now with a one hour weekly show on Sirious, and well - what can I say - Jackie is a HUGE part of Stern show history - one of the elements that originally attracted people to the show - and I will always have affection for The Jokeman. A lot of the roasters really came after him - and he handled it about as well as he could have. His own set was pretty funny - and it was heartwarming to see him and Fred Norris working together again. But that song did go too long - and if it wasn't the triumphant return that we'd hoped for, it was a return of sorts - and a memorable one. And hopefuly, not the last. While Artie was funny, he seemed to really skewer Jackie in a set that was a departure from his usual sweetness. Gary never really got skewered, and Sal was probably the best roaster of the night. But his targets were not so much Gary as they were Beth (he actually made a Horse whinny - I guess implying that Beth looks like a horse - and got the weirdest look from Howard I've ever seen - but he did kill. Maybe the best roaster of the bunch.
Grade: A +

ICE T's RAP SCHOOL (VH1)
Very fun, the kids are hysterical. But the real tension here is usually whether or not Ice T is going to beat the kids on camera.
Grade: B

FLAVA OF LOVE - THE REUNION (VH1)
This could've run 2 hours, as this is probably one of the best reality shows ever. No spoilers in case you haven't seen it - but I know I'll be ready for I LOVE NY! - a new reality show that will have NEW YORK picking out her new man from a bunch of suitors. That VH1 is willing to put this mentally questionable woman on tv is really pushing the envelope - but Jesus, I can't wait for that show to come on.
Grade: A


LOST (ABC)
Comes in with another episode that trafficked in "THE OTHERS." Many plot points were insanely convenient - but I'll admit the thing with the pacemaker was pretty cool. All in all, a push.
Grade: C +

NIP/TUCK (FX)

Had a decent episode that dealt with Sean operating to fix his child's hands. A more sturdy installment.
Grade: B

BREAKING BONADUCE (VH1)
I just watched the first 2 eps of this reality show and am riveted. Artie Lange's impression of Danny in the premiere was priceless. And Danny is out of his mind.
Grade: A

MONSTER HOUSE (PPV)
Really good. Great voice work from Steve Buscemi.
Grade: B +

MIAMI VICE: THE MOVIE (PPV)
I fell asleep in this mess after the first half hour - and I didn't understand anything. Not one bit of it.
Grade: D

You, ME & DUPREE (PPV)
Funny opening, so-so middle, disastrous ending.
Grade: D +

CLERKS 2 (PPV)
Kevin Smith, of whom I'm not the biggest fan (that distinction would belong to him) directs CLERKS 2 and comes close to matching the shot pattern and vibe of the original. I didn't love the original but thought it had it's moments. This one does, too - but not as many of them.
Grade: B -

30 ROCK (NBC)
3rd funny ep in a row. Nice work. Funny that Jane Kcaewrwlfrjkadack wasn't in ep 3 - and it still rankles me that the brilliant Rachel Dracht was fucked out of this role by short sighted network executives.

THE BACHELOR (ABC)
Still fun. The girls are whack. I think they should have the next one be your typical ABC bachelor but have the girls of FLAVA in da house!
Grade: B

THE SOPRANOS (HBO ON DEMAND)
Started watching the last season just to catch up and review the season that I didn't think was so good - thought I have to say - the premiere episode, MEMBERS ONLY - was pretty damn good. And the end where Tony takes a bullet from his uncle works very very well.
Grade: B +

One more before I go...

PROJECT RUNWAY MARATHON (3rd season - BRAVO)
I'd never seen this before but The Girl really wanted to catch up with it, so Sun we watched every episode of the 3rd season. What a great show. Even more then America's Next Top Model, you actually learn about fashion and you almost get a better sense of what a model is supposed to do - on Tyra's show you would think that it's all about becoming a star. This show reminds you that the outfits are supposed to be the stars. I loved the fact that this was a much less nasty experience then most reality shows, where everybody hates each other. I forget the name of the girl who tried to rat out Jeffrey, but I loved that she was the first one eliminated in the final. I also loved how full of shit she was to Jeffrey after his investigation proved that he didn't outsource the work on his clothing line. Jeffrey deserved to win - but he now needs to get that neck tattoo removed - he's a skinny guy and it always looks like he has triple chins because of that crazy tattoo.
Grade: B +


STUDIO 60 (NBC)
This show has gotten BAD. I don't mean Michael Jackson bad - I mean...bad bad.
You would think that all of America is peeled to this fictional late night show on NBS! Speaking of which - couldn't they just have said "NBC" and pretended to be some version of SNL instead of a show that doesn't exist? Why is the reporter there to do a "ground breaking" story whose best sketches never even rise to the level of a particularly crummy episode of MAD TV? And if you care whether or not Mathew Perry and the blonde Christian girl get together - then you might have less of a life than me.
Grade: D

EXTREME MAKE OVER (ABC)
The girl with the spider living in her face for 7 months and the deaf guy - both great stories - both had huge rewarding endings. I don't watch these shows regularly, but they do work. I like when they take someone with a legitimate problem over them taking someone who's just - in their eyes - a fashion disaster. They always do the same exact thing - they cut the person's hair really short, give him big fat long fake choppers, and make them look like a generic host of an infomercial. They should really just stick with the true stories of people who truly need the makeover.
Grade: B

SNL: JOHN C. REILY (NBC)
Didn't see the whole thing - but it looked kind of funny. I wonder what studio 60 will do!

30 ROCK (NBC)
This show really works - even Jane Kckaomvweaacrack was better this time around - although, again - Rachel Dracht would've been profoundly better in the role. Tracey Morgan is great, Alec Baldwin steals the show.
Grade: B +

THE DEPARTED

So - me & Jessica are headed to Maui for my birthday (her present to me) - so the blog won't be updated for about a week and a half. In the meantime, enjoy these reviews and post comments if you think they suck. Have a great week - the digital couch.

THE DEPARTED (In Theaters)
Directed by Martin Scorsese. Staring Leo, Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin, Mark Wahlburg and Jack fucking Nicholson. I was hoping for GOODFELLAS with cell phones. What I got was a supremely well shot and well acted and well played chess match between the Irish mob and the police. The big problem: it was just that. There were no characters to root for - nobody to love - nothing that tapped into our own feelings about the subject matter....It was just - kind of empty. Gorgeous to look at - great dialog - but yet - I can't remember one single scene. It kind of reminded me of the new STAR WARS, LAND OF THE DEAD - all these directors returning to their roots and coming up empty. I was HOPING to LOVE this film - believe me - I own every Martin Scorsese movie there is - but this just doesn't make it. A diverting rental - sure. A new gangster classic? For that, check the new season of the Sopranos.
Grade: B -

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE (ABC)
Clocked in with a hilarious episode last night that parodied LOST with Billy Dee Williams - and Uncle Frank was truly insane last night in the best way.
Grade: A

FLAVA OF LOVE (VH1 - FINALE)
The best. I can't imagine a more vivid finale where everything happens that you could hope for - and then some. But here is the deal - I honestly - and I'm not kidding around here - I honestly think that NEW YORK truly needs serious mental help - she might needs years of intensive help. Her mother is insane and NEW YORK might even be more insane. She even scared the shit out of Flava - and that's not easy to do; but when he jumped off the boat - I was ready to do the same.

This is reportedly the very last season of the show - for those keeping score, VH1 has never seen ratings like this - and the finale came in as the most watched non sports program in the history of cable - or something like that. The point is - it was BIG. My prediction: we haven't seen the last of NEW YORK and Flav - there is a demented magic there that the network can't let go of. That said - I hope she gets help because she's a stunningly beautiful girl, but so deeply, deeply fucked up, it's a pity.
Grade: A

DIRTY (DVD)
Cuba Gooding Jr. gets his TRAINING DAY on. The problem: Cuba is so non-ghetto he can't even say "mother fucker" right.
Grade: D

THANK YOU FOR SMOKING (DVD)
Good movie. Funny. Over the top? Kind of - but it still works.
Grade: B

TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: SCARFACE (E!)
Great Docu on the landmark movie that was surprisingly good with testimonials from many of the stars, plenty of clips and plenty of crazy stories from the set. Best of all, it made me want to see the movie again - which I haven't seen in over ten years.
Grade: B -

THE BACHELOR (ABC)
What can I say - I love this show.
Grade: B +

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Has gotten diabolical. I'm so hooked.
Grade: A

THE SHIELD (3rd season DVD)
Opens up with a farily boring episode - but I remember very good things about this season.

WISEGUY & THE GIRL
The Girl has put a stop to the RAG TRADE ARC. I think she's had enough of Mr. Terranova - which breaks my heart - especially since the RAG TRADE is probably the last arc that was truly great and had a fantastic finish - but she'll never know - and the tv gods weep.
WISEGUY GRADE: A +
Jess' Decision: Grade: F!

WIFE SWAP
The "HOLLYWOOD" couple and the country bumpkins. This show is usually fun - but the "hollywood" wife and her parenting skills were really disgusting. And the country bumpkins could not have been more frightening.
Grade: B -

HOUSE OF CARTERS (E!)
Fun, but we've seen it all before - and this doesn't add much to the genre. These people are very dysfunctional - but it's getting old. And these guys are BARELY stars.
Grade: C -

WEEDS vol. 1 & 2 (CD)
If you like the show, you'll LOVE both cds. The first CD has the original LITTLE BOXES - the second CD features a fantastic version of LITTLE BOXES and the rest of the songs really evoke the mood of this great series.
Grade: A

ROGER WATERS: IN THE FLESH (CD)
Just as good as the dvd and taped over various nights.
Grade: A

SKINNY COW DIET CONES (IN YOUR GROCERY)
Move over Weight Watchers cones - the Skinny cow cones are one less gram of fiber - 10 more calories, and about 3 times as good. They have chocolate and - even better - vanilla with little caramel ribbons in the ice cream along wit that chocolate filled bottom - all at only 140 calories for this little slice of heaven.
Grade: A

NIP/TUCK (FX)
Continues it's descent into hell with another Rosie O' Donnel appearance as a woman who got "earjacked." Kimber is used and abused in a way completely inconsistent with the show - and Matt sleeps with Kimber - now making her have slept with every dude on the show.
Yikes. Someone should put this thing out of it's misery.
Grade: D

LOST (ABC)
LOST clocked in with a very good episode that was good for exactly the reasons the last 2 eps weren't. It concerned the castaways we love (and 2 we never even knew were there!) the flashback with Locke was actually used effectively - although why do they have to now say that Locke is a guy that nearly killed a cop with a shotgun? It's like - do we really need these characters to have been EXTRAORDINARY before the Island - I thought that some of the steam from this show came from the fact that the Island made them people they weren't before - so I had a bit of an issue with that development - but it was still light years better then the season opening 2 eps. I guess the two new goodlooking cast members were added since they killed so many off last year. I still think the show feels like there is no master plan left, but last night's show was a good solid ep and hopefuly is the beginning of a season.
Grade: B

E.R. (NBC)Still pumping. Forrest Whitaker might be one of the best actors alive. Here he plays a guy who had a stroke due to negligence of the ER - and the show is better for having him on. By the way - John Stamos is GREAT on the show - surprise, surprise.
Grade: A

THE OFFICE (NBC)
Another so-so episode - there was a very sly reference to the BBC series last night. The joke they were telling about the kid who ends up in the hospital and how the doctor won't treat them - was actually a partial joke from the BBC FINALE - in which David Brent was telling the joke in the last minutes of the show. Only someone who's watched the commentary on that episode would know that - and frankly, I feel like this season is trying to tap into some of the ideas of the BBC series. I didn't think the phone call between Jim and Pam was that big a deal - though NBC hyped it like the second coming.
Grade: B -

VERONICA MARS (CW)
Aside from Weevil getting really fat and Logan clearly just using Veronica at this point for sex, I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this show anymore. They mysteries are all really convoluted - and the campus rapist storyline feels really cheap. The banter and characters are still good - though a few new ones are trying REALLY hard to be funny - I think this show might've outlived it's usefulness.
Grade: C

Thought this was funny - BIFF from BACK TO THE FUTURE does stand up now and put together this song about the questions he keeps getting based on the popular trilogy.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y

The problems with LOST and NIP/TUCK.

LOST (ABC)
After a stellar first season and a brilliant second season - the third season slump started early for this once great show. These opening two eps were a real let down and I've been trying to figure out why. Here is what I think: the beauty of LOST used to be that these were characters we somewhat related to and cared about. And as they got to know each other, we got to know them. Add to the mix the strangeness and creepiness of the Island - and you have a great mix of elements.

Unfortunately - the third season forgets the beauty of getting to know new people. Season 2 intro'd us to a whole bunch of new, worthwhile characters (at least most of them - thank God Anna Lucia, the horridly badly cast role, is GONE). The problem with the new season I think falls into a couple of categories. First of all, the only new characters are "THE OTHERS." And frankly, "The Others" were a LOT more interesting the less we knew about them. Now that they're here - they all seem like various version of STEPFORD WIVES and it's just boring. Like bad science fiction. That's the problem with the OTHERS. Even when Ben was the locked up Henry Gale in the 2nd season, he was somewhat interesting. But now - he's like a really caricatured James Bond villain. He talks like a bad guy in BATTLEFIELD EARTH and erases all shreds of credibility the show once had. I don't know if it's the actor or the producers encouraging him to do this - but his acting like the head alien doesn't help the show. So "The Others" seem be to inhuman and Ben - seems to be a menacing robot that you might find in a late 80s bad horror movie.

Then you have our characters tied up in jails, pressing buttons for food - it seems like a really bad version of PLANET OF THE APES - THE SERIES. I don't believe the "guards" for a minute - it just seems really silly.

The show seems to have completely forgotten about some of our very favorite characters, like Hurley and Locke. They keep opening doors to story ideas that they'll probably never have the time to get to - they've left the Hurly's shrink is really in his mind idea as if we wouldn't remember that the show went out of it's way to say the entire series is in Hurley's head.

Worst of all, there is WAY too much contact with the outside world. They're watching tv, they're getting food, THE OTHERS seem to be directly plugged in - it seems like the only thing standing between them & rescue is key and a door. So now even the desperation of the situation is gone.

Can this show be saved? Only time will tell - but if anybody from ABC is reading this: STOP WITH THE FUCKING FLASHBACKS already that just add to a story we already know. What was innovative at first has grown weary and tired at this point.

What can I say - I used to love this show - I'd like to love it again. But they've made THE OTHERS bad sci-fi villains, forgot about the core characters - and, worst of all - escaping the island is no longer an issue. In a sense, the dread that was their plane crash was the real enemy, and by making escape seem SO easy and plausible, they've de-fanged their best villain.

Current Grade: C -


NIP/TUCK (FX)
While I'm guessing that LOST will eventually find its way, there seems to be no hope at all left for NIP/TUCK. What a shame. Their first season was great, the second season even better. Then the 3rd season came and the CARVER storyline dominated - and while some of it worked, much of it, most of it - did not.

This season was off to a fantastic start with a great first trio of eps that succssefully re-captured the first and second season glory with storylines that were sick, slick and very mindful of the relationship between Christian and Sean being the main drive of the show. But in the last three eps, they've taken back all that good will, and I don't think they'll ever get it back. The shark circled last week, but this week it bit, and next week's installment, with Rosie O'Donnel BACK! (Jesus) again - this time with no ear - saying she's been "ear-jacked."

When did things get this bad? Why did they involve Kimber with Matt and make Matt a senseless Scientologist who hates his parents (this was particularly badly written.) Why Rosie in what amounted to the most embarrassing cameo ever written and performed? (Rosie was a lotto winner who came into money and got tons of lippo - then when she came on to the show later, she was still fat as a horse - no logic.) She had a "funny" NY accent. Ughh. Now, she's back to further fuck up this show. The Sena/Christian/Larry Hagman triangle had promise - until Christian told almost anybody who asked him that he's fucking his bosses wife - and in both cases he was blackmailed.

Worst of all, every storyline Sean finds himself in, the Mexican Drug Dealer from season 1 comes back as his alter-ego and actually inserts himself into every single scene. So, as this night-nurse storyline could've been a great one, it was reduced to bad tv, watching the smirking character actor sitting at the table - and only Sean could see him....

Might be best to bring back the Carver this year and have him kill everybody - as I don't think the show can bear to go on anymore. What a let down. Even the "gay dream sequence" where Christian imagined having a gay life with Sean - could've been GREAT had they not made it every cliche' of the lifestlye. Ryan Murphy - the writer/creator of this show is GAY - he should know a thing or two about it - not populate his shows with the most juvenile ideas about the life choice. As bad as all that is, nothing compares to the absolute HORRENDOUS acting of BROOKE SHIELDS, playing Christian's crazy therapist. I'm not fucking kidding - Brooke "Suddenly Susan - the worst fucking actress and show of all time" Shields. And she's only gotten worse. Much worse. So bad that if her scenes were burned on a pyre the stench would still make one gag decades from now.

It's time for NIP/TUCK to take one last run at being solid again. It just doesn't seem very promising.

Current Grade: D -


UGLY BETTY (ABC)

I liked it - but not enough to continue watching. Seems more like a family show. But the appeal of the star is undeniable. I saw her on Jimmy Kimmel the other night and thought she was a real cutie pie - the transformation is pretty astonishing. I wish I got into the show a little more, but I'm not a young woman. Not anymore.

Grade: C +

NEW TARANTINO MOVIE!!!!
Here is the link to the trailer for the upcoming Tarantino/Rodriguez film GRINDHOUSE. I don't remember being this excited over a film since KILL BILL rocked the house. The trailer looks fucking great and the film stock, colors, etc. - looks like this could be the film to beat. I'm actually looking forward to seeing THE DEPARTED this weekend with The Girl. I heard SHORTBUS is great and disturbing, and I hear BORAT is the funniest film ever made.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUuuBe4Glmk

They just opened two phenomenal eateries on Melrose - PINKBERRYS - the greatest yogurt store to ever live, and M CHAYA - a completely macrobiotic (whatever that means) restaurant - it's basically veggie - though apparently fish aren't included in the cruelty free scenerio, as they have plenty of sushi. Highly recommended is the Shrimp/Avocado rolls - which are really cheap and really awesome. Their cherry chocolate cupcakes have turned my C's into D's.

WIFE SWAP (ABC)
The one where the professional eater trades with the fitness trainer. A rare ep that had very little conflict, but people that actually learned from each other and had respect. Also an ep that left me in tears as the 489 pound man gave up his eating and turned to the gym with the swapped wife's help. I forgot how much I like this show. Although I am I fan of the more conflicted episodes.
Grade: B

KIDNAPPED (NBC)
I had heard it was great - had 3 set up on my dvr - then watched it - not so much. It was kind of over the top, I didn't believe much of it - and Tim Hutton's gravely voice scared my cat. And in order to buy into the actual kidnapping, you have to believe that a major shootout on the L.A. freeway would go completely unnoticed. If you have a Jones for this type of show, VANISHED is where it's at.
GRADE: D

VANISHED (FOX)
No spoilers here - but a kick ass show it is. And it's particularly well cast. Gale Harrold - RIP. I didn't see it coming.
Grade: A

HEROES (NBC)
I finally watched the pilot - a real winner. I have to watch a few more to get a real feel for the show - but quirky, original, mysterious - this could be a major franchise. I see a long running series AND theatrical films based on this idea. But I do need to see more of them before I could review this proper, but - for now:
Grade: B +

SEINFELD (DVD - SEASON 3)
"The Parking Garage"
A GREAT episode from the reinvigorated 3rd season of one of the best sitcoms of all time - THE PARKING GARAGE had a great Larry David script, great direction from Tom Cherones and a brilliant plot of the gang being stranded in a mall parking garage. Readers of this blog know how much I love the dvd presentation of the series (except the endless piracy warnings that precede every episode) - this ep has a really informative commentary, a making of docu - apparantly it was incredibly hard to shoot that garage. They had to strike all the permanent sets and build it. I found out that Kramer really WAS lugging around an air conditioner that whole time (he wanted the real weight) and that the car not starting at the end was a brilliant accident.
Grade: A +

WISEGUY "THE RAG TRADE ARC" (DVD - SEASON 2)
"7th AVENUE FREEZE OUT"
Re-watching this arc with The Girl - I forgot how hammy Ron Silver could be, and how evil Stanley Tucci could play. This was one of the series very best arcs, even though main man Ken Wahl went AWOL for this arc due to a real life broken leg. Anthony Dennison, currently on THE CLOSER and occasionally on PRISON BREAK - and a fantastic guy - is brilliant as John Raglin, who comes in to pick up the pieces after Terranova has to sit this one out.
Grade: A

I PITY THE FOOL (TV LAND)
So, Mr. T finally gets another show after A TEAM. It's fun - surprisingly funny, and it's great to see Mr. T. healthy and alive.
Grade: C +

LUNAR PARK by Brett Easton Ellis (Print)
The opening chapters were great, but this got so self - indulgent. For a minute, you think he's writing about his real life - but then a real life PATRICK BATEMAN (the murdering yuppie from Easton Ellis' AMERICAN PSYCHO shows up and starts killing people - you know this guy is a little full of himself and the self indulgence eventually kills the book. Stopped me dead by page 100.
Grade: D

SKIN CITY by Jack Sheehan (Print)
Great expose' on all things sex-trade in Vegas - lots of chapters devoted to Ashlyn Gere - a 90s porn star whose star burns forever. It doesn't tell you much you don't already know - but a fun read, anyway.
Grade: B -

MATCH POINT (DVD)
Directed by Woody Allen and starring the girl from LOST IN TRANSLATION (whose name escapes me - oh yeah, Scarlett Johannsen) - this is one of the best from the Wood Man in YEARS. The English setting does a world of good as it seems to be the first Woody movie in a while to actually feel contemporary. The story is slow and takes it's time to unwind - but builds a lot of power in the process. The story itself seems to be a deliberate re-working of the director/writer/pedophile's own CRIMES & MISDERMEANORS (one of my very favorites) but this tale takes a nastier turn. It's far from great - but it's solid - and that's a lot more then I could say about the last 5 or so films from Woody Allen. So that's a lot.
Grade: B

THE KILLERS "Tom's Room" (CD)
Lyrics like Bruce, sound like U2 - great fucking cd. Better then the first.
Grade: B +

WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Continues to get even better in it's second season. No spoilers - just a great show reaching it's creative potential.
Grade: A

ROGER WATERS - IN THE FLESH (DVD)
Seeing the PHENOMINAL show at the Hollywood Bowl - one of the best shows I've ever seen, re-interested me in this Roger Waters dvd - which is excellent - has lots of WALL and DARK SIDE songs - though in my opinion, could've used a bit more from THE WALL and even THE FINAL CUT. The 5.1 mix is genius - and at this point, I think next year we're all going to get the PINK FLOYD REUNION TOUR that we've all been waiting for. At least - you would think that there's WAY too much money to be made to persuade them to get it done. Not that you could notice here, as Waters' band and backup singers recreate Floyd brilliantly.
Grade: A

30 ROCK (NBC)
It's impossible not to compare this to STUDIO 60 - but the truth is - there is no comparison. This is a much better show on every level. The script, written by Tina Fey, and her character (who knew Tina could be so fetching) was smart, funny and seemed to come from a place of reality of knowledge about late nite tv, unlike STUDIO 60 - which is even more fictional then Sorkin's White House. Sorkin doesn't want his show within a show to look dumb - he wants it to be as brilliant as the writer's he's portraying. A, the portrayals aren't as brilliant as he thinks. B, even the best late nite shows, such as SNL, are usually hit and miss - Fey seems to know this - Sorkin seems to be on mushrooms.

But back to 30 ROCK - not only is this the best new sitcom to come along in a while, but there is much to marvel at here. Alec Baldwin, from his opening line of "Phil is dead - I'm the new head of Late Night programming" is in top form. He's really a pisser. Tracey Morgan - this might be the best role he's ever had. In his own words, he's "Hilaaarious." The shot of him walking down the busy street in his boxers holding a rod and screaming "I'm a Jedi, I'm a Jedi" - he is just so fucking funny.

Which leads me to the only distracting problem of the show - Jane Kcmarackaodaddack. (Is that how she spells it?) The chick from Ally McBeal ("Snappish" was her line that she rode for 6 seasons - 2 of them actually funny.)

Here's the problem - the role was originally supposed to go the brilliantly and always funny Rachel Dracht - one of the most talented people to ever come to SNL. But the network wanted someone funny AND hot. With Jane Kckramwabvsxlck, they have neither. She's certainly not funny, and her hotness reached it's peak in NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION (where she was hot and funny - but that was 20 years ago. Seriously - 20 years ago.)

So the idea is that Fey and Jane have been partners in showbiz for decades - yet - it doesn't work because it was supposed to be Rachel Dracht in that role - which would be much funnier, much more believable - and call me crazy, but I've always thought Rachel is a pretty girl in addition to being comic gold. So now Jane is in Rachel's role, and Rachel is reduced to these semi-funny but all too quick walk on's. The problem is that along with this great show - it has to now co-exist with Jace Kcmaaricack,dqa2w3 - who is kind of talented - but is badly, badly cast here. And that is the sole problem with this show. Otherwise it's a riot, and I'll watch every episode as long as it's at least as funny as the pilot.

Grade: B + (would've gotten an A if not for Jane KCdaearsdlkrjwe30985234mai8ck.)

TIME WASTER HERE:
For a truly addictive way to waste some time, play the online version of DEAL OR NO DEAL - I literally just won a million dollars! In fake money!
http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/game/flash.shtml

THE MEL GIBSON INTERVIEW (ABC GOOD MORNING AMERICA)
He seemed awfully defensive, embarressed - and he's still blaming the Jews! I swear. He better make another LETHAL WEAPON movie fast and just keep his mouth shut. Or he should start talking in that Aremeic language - that might be best. His interview, I think, probably made things worse. Now he looks like a certified nut sack.


NEW ADDITION TO THE BLOG!
You all know my good friend and media consultant, Anthony, who does some reviews here from time to time. But now Anthony has agreed to do a mostly weekly roundup of the ratings that will now be called:


ANTHONY'S RATINGS ROUNDUP
by Anthony.

Now that the dust has settled a bit, we have a view of the ratings landscape - and the networks are already making moves for November. However, some of these moves appear premature to us - and some don't make sense. Here's a network-by-network look at what's going on - and our take on it:

ABC

"Lost" seems to be lost. The one time ratings giant has fallen very quickly (keep in mind we're only in the beginning of season 3) - and we're seeing year-to-year erosion of 25% or more. While the American viewing public has shown they will stay invested in serialized dramas - how long can one go? A lot of these shows were done because of the success of Fox's "24" - but the brilliant producers of "24" are smart enough to know that they keep us for 22-24 episodes - but could you imagine if "24" was still fighting the battle from season one.
We predict ABC will re-tool the falling drama when it returns from its planned hiatus after November sweeps - and if they don't - we think "Lost" could be in real trouble by the end of season 4.

Besides the erosion of "Lost" this year, ABC hasn't been able to gain any kind of momentum with their new dramas "The Nine" or "Six Degrees." The latter will probably be h-i-s-t-o-r-y prior to November sweeps - and ABC needs to find the backup troops real quickly here. We were fans of "Commander In Chief" - and think the network pulled the plug way too early last year.

While ABC has been toward the top of the heap in the 18-49 battle, don't expect that to last much longer. Fox's baseball is over soon - and along with "Lost" - "Desperate Housewives" isn't the smash it used to be.

ABC may want to consider doing two runs of "Dancing With The Stars" - if at all possible.

CBS
For the most part, CBS looks to be in the best position. Their procedural dramas repeat well and they have a new hit in "Jericho" and some potential with "Shark." Their Wednesday and Friday drama blocks perform well 18-49.

CBS is still looking for another breakout comedy on Monday - although we personally think "The Class" is the best new comedy in years. It may, however, be too sophisticated for CBS's rural audience.

CBS is still looking to replace "Judging Amy" (which we thought was canceled prematurely) on Tuesday ... They may just want to move "The Unit" there and find another drama to run at 9pm.

FOX
Fox is playing it cool, waiting for the "American Idol" to return in January. In the meantime, they still need a 9:30 show for Sunday.

Of the new Fox shows "Justice" seems to have the best shot at longevity because it is self contained, although we are VERY big fans of VANISHED.

At this point, Fox still needs to cure it's Thursday ills. And with ABC and CBS so strong on that, there's not many scraps left...

NBC
This is the network that we feel has the right pieces - but in the wrong place.

It's very clear that the "Law & Order" trio are not what they used to be ratings wise (although we find the underrated "SVU" to be creatively as strong as ever). NBC made a mistake moving the flagship "L&O" off on Wednesday night - and NBC announced that they are going to take the cult favorite (and pretty well rated) "Medium" and throw it into the Wednesday frying pan.

Our move would be to take "Medium" and pair it with the similarly sci-fi themed "Heroes" on Monday (especially since the show was successful there the last two seasons). "Heroes" is the biggest new show of the season and the overrated "Studio 60" is losing a ton of audience each week.

NBC has done ok on Tuesday from 9-11pm with the two "Law & Order" spinoffs but can't seem to find any luck at 8pm - and we anticipate things won't get better once "American Idol" gets rolling. NBC would probably be best served to counter program and fill that slot with "Dateline NBC."

NBC used to have a decent lineup on Wednesday - but the moves of "The West Wing" and "Law & Order" have turned the night over to CBS and ABC. Getting that audience back won't be easy.

We would take the second installment of "Deal Or No Deal" and shift it to Wednesday at 8pm once "Dancing With The Stars" is done. We would follow it at 9pm with the venerable "Crossing Jordan" - which would pick up some steam while "Lost" is on hiatus. We then bring the original "Law & Order" back to 10pm - creating a night of established brands.

ABC and CBS pretty much own Thursday - although NBC's "ER" (which has really come on creatively lately) - is pulling solid numbers at 10:00. NBC is smart to counter program with comedies - and should continue to do so.

NBC has two comedies in "The Office" and "My Name Is Earl" that perform relatively well. The network should bring "Scrubs" back and find one other comedy and make a block from 8:00-10:00. While none of these comedies remind us of "Cosby," "Cheers" or "Seinfeld," they definitely do help NBC counter program the heavy drama night on the other networks.

On Friday, the first week of "1 vs. 100" was strong - and NBC should use the show to lead off the night. "Las Vegas" should do well at 9pm - and that opens up 10pm for "Studio 60" - which we would relocate there.