Happy New Year's Eve!
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NEW REVIEWS:
UP IN THE AIR (IN THEATERS)
George Clooney is finally taking the right kind of roles after a very shaky film start. Jason Reitman is an immensely talented filmmaker. He made THANK YOU FOR SMOKING, a fine if not great satire, JUNO, an out and out winner that blended Diablo Cody's ultra hip script with great performances and casting, and now comes this new one. For the first 30 minutes I thought I was in for a real treat. Then the story started. It wasn't about the fact that George Clooney was a guy hired to go around to different companies and fire people while traveling - I kind of loved that. And I loved the opening narration where Clooney explains his job. But then the movie starts, and the job is over and he's stuck with some young actress who's all over the place and by the time this thing is at midway point, I just wanted it to be over. I would've preferred a movie that was about what Clonney did for a living and its affect on him - instead it became about Clooney's need for love. Blech. This coulda been a contender. I know it's getting accolades everywhere, but I just don't get it. Great opening, though. And well directed, it's the story that let me down.
Grade: C +
THIS IS IT (DVD)
Whatever you thought of Michael Jackson, this is a fascinating documentary about his last weeks getting ready for what was to be his final curtain call of concerts in London. I'm sure he would've performed more but it was a great commercial hook to call these the last live shows, and he certainly was prepping them to be a fitting send off. After all the drug use, allegations and rumors and horrifying documentaries, it was sort of cathartic to finally see him just do what he's best at - creating pop music, singing, dancing, working with the crew (those were actually my favorite parts of the movie) when Jackson had fits over the direction here and there - though he always ends every small tirade by saying "that is said with L-O-V-E."" (I realize - what he really might have been best at is keeping the cops at bay - but that's another blog.)
No matter what you thought of Jackson, there is no disputing what a uniquely talented artist he was, and this film not only helps you remember that but is a great glimpse into his creative soul and the performer we lost. A much better film than I was expecting somehow. The funny thing is - I hate those kind of huge spectacle shows. I realize a lot of people get off on the spectacle, but for me, it was more interesting to see him put it all together than to actually experience the show. For my money, I would've paid good money to see Jackson come out with a guitarist and just acoustically run through his biggest hits. And here, in rehearsal, you not only get quite a bit of that, but you realize just what a great singer this man really was.
Grade: B +
BAD LT: PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS (IN THEATERS)
I really liked, if not loved, the 2003 Harvey Keitel version. Reportedly, when Ed Pressman sold the remake rights to Warner Herzog, Abel Ferrar, the director behind the original BAD LT., as well as THE KING OF NY and many other low life classics, said "I hope he burns in hell." Well, Herzog did not burn in hell, instead with Nicholas Cage, he has crafted a new movie related only to that earlier version in very broad plot threads, that is really the sparkplug of the winter movie season.
These films that dwell on subjects like these, murder, drugs, madness...they're not exactly big money makers. So when they do slip through the cracks and actually get made - it's usually a labor of love.
Cage plays a cop who, in the midst of Katrina, nearly breaks his back trying to free a trapped prisoner from drowning. This has left him with a chronic back pain that Vicoden can't really quell - and his quest to score drugs is one of the nasty fun parts of the movie. Also terrific is Eva Mendes as his hooker girlfriend and Val Kilmer is surprisingly subdued in his role as Cage's ex partner. He actually doesn't even look like himself anymore - it's kind of weird.
The first movie was much more spiritual and about deeper issues of the spirit and religion, this is a bit more straight forward and frankly - while I admire the hell out of the original, this is a lot more fun and Cage works hard to keep us liking this utterly corrupted and very complicated guy.
And to see Nic Cage, mr. movie star as of late, crack smoking his way through his role as a crazy corrupt cop in the Big Easy with supporting performance crackling all around him - this is very hard to resist. No spoilers here because I just suggest you see it, but this was one of the more exciting signs of life this movie season.
Grade: A
THE HISTORY OF HOWARD STERN (ACT 3) (Sirius Radio)
Every Holiday season Howard releases a 14 part (or so) radio documentary on his rise to the top. This new one covers the time from the mid to about 2002 (something like that.) For me, what's so great about these are that in my own radio worship of Stern, these were the things I remembered most, when he first got out LA radio and these bits are music to my ears, bringing up a lot of great memories of hilarity. These are also exceedingly well produced and edited and really gave the subscribers a lot of bang for the buck in Howard and Co's absence. There is talk of this being Stern's last year. I don't believe it. I think he's good for another 5, but either way - this is the beginning of the end of the greatest era of radio ever. Go the store, buy the radio, have it installed. It's 15 bucks a month for the funniest radio you'll ever hear. It actually makes your day better and there will be days you won't leave your car because what's going on over the air is too compelling to leave.
Grade: A +
TOUGH LOVE II (VH1)
Just started going through these on my DVR. Love it.
SEX ADDICT REHAB w/Dr. Drew (VH1)
Another winner, though the "celebs" were barely recognizable. Is there ANY addiction left for Amber Smith to have?
DECADES CONTINUED:
Okay, tomorrow is a new year and clearly I have not seen all the new movies yet, but I will continue to review them. In the meantime, here are my final picks - based solely on what I've seen - as the 10 best movies of 2009.
These are all in the A to A+ category.
10 BEST OF 2009:
TWO FILMS TIE FOR FIRST PLACE:
INGLORIUS BASTERDS
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
Both spectacular out of the box creations.
2.) THE BAD LT. PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS
3.) PRECIOUS
4.)TYSON
5.) GOMORRAH
6.) I LOVE YOU, MAN
7.) FUNNY PEOPLE (Despite the wonkiest 3rd act ever, the first 90 minutes were so great I forgive the last act. But not to include this film doesn't work for me.)
8.) THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE
9.) DISTRICT 9
10) TWO LOVERS
BEST & WORST OF DECADES
Moving on, while I certainly can't pick the top 10 for 10 years - I have been going through the decades. Here are some more best and most memorable stinkers from the last few years. I will stop when I get to 2000.
BEST & WORST OF 2006 (in no particular order)
HOSTEL: B +
BIG MOMMAS HOUSE 2: F
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS (remake): F
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING: B
INSIDE MAN: B
BASIC INSTINCT 2: RISK ADDIDCTION : A for unintentional hilarity, F for everything else
UNITED 93: A
ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL: C
THE BREAK UP: D
THE LAKE HOUSE: C +
NACHO LIBRE: D
SUPERMAN RETURNS: D
YOU, ME & DUPREE: C -
CLERKS II: C
TALLEDEGA NIGHTS: A
MIAMI VICE (unwatchable)
CRANK: B +
THE DEPARTED: B + (sorry - great storytelling but not the classic it wants to be)
THE PRESTIGE: B
BABEL: B -
SAW III: F
BORAT: A
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: C - (A rare misstep in the Chris Guest mock dock area)
HAPPY FEET: B -
TENACIOUS D: PICK OF DESTINY: C - (sorry - not nearly as sharp as the series of shorts)
APOCOLYPTO: B (take that, sugar tits)
BLOOD DIAMOND: B +
DREAMGIRLS: A
ROCKY BALBOA: A +
WE ARE MARSHAL: C
NOTES ON A SCANDAL: B
FIND ME GUILTY: B
LAST KING OF SCOTLAND: B +
THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE: C
STRANGERS WITH CANDY: C -
WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR: B +
Will be back for more reviews in the new year.
Drive safe, drink responsibly, easy on the weed and don't OD on X.
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2009/12/31
2009/12/30
DIGITAL COUCH NOW ON TWITTER
Not for nothing...
SONS OF ANARCHY had a killer 2nd season.
CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM had a a great 6th season. Obviuosly, anyone who reads this blog knows what a major SEINFEILD fan I am. I loved the reunion and seeing those actors together again. The funny thing was - I am one of those who thought the original finale of Seinfeld was the very worst episdoe of Seinfeld ever. Ever.
Did this make up for it? Not really. We stil have no real finality for these people, thought it was fun to see scenes written for them and performed in character. And it was a major kick - the way the finale was just put together not for creative reasons but for Larry to get Cheryl back. On the same note - those scenes could've worked as a real finale and its a shame that they were just written as just another episode - although - in some ways maybe that was the better idea. To not try to wrap it all up but just do one killer episode. I had heard that Elaine was a mother now of adopted childred but that a lot of those scenes got cut for time.
It was still a kick, yet the entire season was stolen by Super Dave's telling of the profane joke about the just-married couple. And what about a REAL Seinfeld finale? (I know - never happen.)
I am putting together a future blog that solely discusses series endings. Please let me know if you want your favorite series touched on in the comments section.
CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM had a a great 6th season. Obviuosly, anyone who reads this blog knows what a major SEINFEILD fan I am. I loved the reunion and seeing those actors together again. The funny thing was - I am one of those who thought the original finale of Seinfeld was the very worst episdoe of Seinfeld ever. Ever.
Did this make up for it? Not really. We stil have no real finality for these people, thought it was fun to see scenes written for them and performed in character. And it was a major kick - the way the finale was just put together not for creative reasons but for Larry to get Cheryl back. On the same note - those scenes could've worked as a real finale and its a shame that they were just written as just another episode - although - in some ways maybe that was the better idea. To not try to wrap it all up but just do one killer episode. I had heard that Elaine was a mother now of adopted childred but that a lot of those scenes got cut for time.
It was still a kick, yet the entire season was stolen by Super Dave's telling of the profane joke about the just-married couple. And what about a REAL Seinfeld finale? (I know - never happen.)
I am putting together a future blog that solely discusses series endings. Please let me know if you want your favorite series touched on in the comments section.
2009/12/29
THE JERSEY SHORE and DEXTER
JERSEY SHORE (MTV)
Awesome. Check it out if only to find out about "The Situation." This show makes me laugh out loud, hss some of the best, most original characters in reality and for me - a former resident of Brooklyn, NY - these authentic accents are music to my ears. The show is exceedingly well produced and has a great sense of humor. I actually grew up with people like this, and this show gets it right and the hair-gelled cast is very likable and the vibe here is fun. And addicting. And you really gotta see "the situation." Or "Snickers." Or "Snookie." Just trust me - check this out.
Grade: B +
DEXTER: 4th season (SHOWTIME)
No spoilers here, but bravo to the entire team who rose from the ashes of a middling season 3 (Jimmy Smits was not a good centerpiece for this show) and had an absolutely chilling madman in John Lithgow and completely go-for-the-throat ending. Well done.
Grade: A
Awesome. Check it out if only to find out about "The Situation." This show makes me laugh out loud, hss some of the best, most original characters in reality and for me - a former resident of Brooklyn, NY - these authentic accents are music to my ears. The show is exceedingly well produced and has a great sense of humor. I actually grew up with people like this, and this show gets it right and the hair-gelled cast is very likable and the vibe here is fun. And addicting. And you really gotta see "the situation." Or "Snickers." Or "Snookie." Just trust me - check this out.
Grade: B +
DEXTER: 4th season (SHOWTIME)
No spoilers here, but bravo to the entire team who rose from the ashes of a middling season 3 (Jimmy Smits was not a good centerpiece for this show) and had an absolutely chilling madman in John Lithgow and completely go-for-the-throat ending. Well done.
Grade: A
2009/12/21
DECADES EDITION part II
THE BEST OF THE YEAR – PART II…
YOU CAN NOW FOLLOW THE DIGITAL COUCH ON TWITTER!
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Now when I see something great/bad/mediocre – you can hear about it as soon as I figure out how to "tweet" from my cell phone.
What a douche I’ve become.
I will have more reviews coming - I had a recent tragedy in my extended family which has kept me away from the TV and the theaters. That said – not only was I able to see a couple of things during the week, but I came across a Word file on my computer from a few months ago, so in addition to some new reviews, here are some vintage COUCH reviews that have not seen the light of day just yet.
By the way, when I say “Sandra Bullock bravely plays a white woman who takes an interest in a young black man…” that is what’s called FUCKING SARCASM.
A lot of people didn’t understand how I could find THE HANGOVER funny, yet overrated. I will explain since I got quite a few emails and much ball busting over that review – yes, THE HANGOVER definitely has its moments along with an ingenious premise. That said – the movie doesn’t make you laugh the way…say SOMETHING ABOUT MARY did, or even SUPERBAD. It’s a clever comedy that somehow got billed as the funniest movie ever – and it’s not. But its funny enough to recommend.
Also - I do these fast and don't do a whole lot of going over them as I think my first impressions are kind of what's real about this blog. That means I have shit spelling and I get actors names wrong or mispell them. To be honest - I could care less how Mariah (100 people told me 1 R her name) spells her name. I do care that her performance in PRECIOUS was awesome - but give me a break. Blogs were made for mispelling.
But there is a review that bothers me – there were two films last week that I reviewed before finishing.
UP
I reviewed and basically dismissed before finishing that last half hour.
I still have yet to look at the last half hour.
But I will.
THE BLIND SIDE
…got a great review from me – unfortunately – the second half of this film goes total wish-fullfillment cheeseball bullshit bordering on fantasy. I know it’s a true story, and the performances are uniformly good, and the first half is particularly good, but Sandra Bullock’s character becomes not only a saint half way through, but a walking 5 camera sitcom with no laugh track. The scene where she just can’t wait on line to fill out a form, then cuts to the front of the line and the guy she cuts says "go ahead - I have to hear this." That was fucking retarded. Sandra Bullock threatening a group of dangerous gang members by telling them about her gun she keeps at home – even more fucking retarded.
Still a good film – but far from the great one I had thought it might be.
THE BLIND SIDE:
NEW GRADE:
C –
FUNNY PEOPLE (DVD)
I rebelled against seeing this film for a long time. Judd Apatow is one of my favorite writer/producer/directors. He made 41 YR. OLD VIRGIN and KNOCKED UP, two fantastic comedies, and was involved in many more of my favorites, like FORGETTING SARAH MARSHAL, SUPERBAD, TALLADEGA NIGHTS and WALK HARD.
Not to mention FREAKS AND GEEKS. One of the best series EVER. (If you don’t believe me, go out and rent the single season 18 episode cycle – truly one of the finest hours ever on the air and perhaps the most realistic depiction of high school since James at 15.)
But calling your movie FUNNY PEOPLE and having it BE about FUNNY PEOPLE…that struck me as a bit…pretentious. But I talked to a friend of mine whom I respect and who’d seen it and he really liked it. Based on his short review, I finally unspooled the copy of it that had been sitting on my coffee table.
I liked the first half of FUNNY PEOPLE so much, that I was giddy. I thought it just might be the greatest film of the year, and one of the best of all time. That is how much I liked where this movie was going. It had the same vibe as ALMOST FAMOUS, but somehow, I related to this even more. The scene where Sandler as a famous comedy standup/actor named George Simmons (never better – truly – the performance of his lifetime) brings Seth Rogan as Ira Wright (also a career best playing against type as a geeky stand up writer) to the MY SPACE gig on his private jet over James Taylor’s “Going to Carolina” is one of 2009’s great movie moments. Later, when Sandler, whose prickish comic is responsible for a dozen clearly horrible hit movies (hilariously depicted here as variation of Sandler’s real life moronic fables – such as MERMAN) ends up bringing home two women well…it just felt very real and very informed. Judd Apatow lived with Sandler during and after college and wrote jokes for him and many other comics, and the film delivers on the kicky sequences of watching them craft jokes and then performing it onstage.
Okay, it’s a bit of an insiders film – but most films are about something. For some reason the people who read your stuff always say “never do a film about the biz” and yet – at the end of the year some of the very best films are always “about the biz.” The two movies the first half of this brought to mind were LENNY, which – if you haven’t seen, you should as Dustin Hoffman brilliantly plays Lenny Bruce and depicts how Lenny got really fucked up by the controversial nature of his act (back then he was dangerous – now his routines seem rather quaint.) The other movie I was thinking of was PUNCHLINE, which was utter garbage. Tom Hanks as a brilliant, (brilliant only because everyone said that – not one funny set was delivered in that film) tortured comedian and Sally Field – oy vey, let’s forget about that horrible fucking movie. (I will ruin it even further – at the end Tom Hanks “bravely” – yes Sal, that is a fucking sarcastic line, - Hanks BRAVELY throws his performance and lets Sally Field win the comedy competition. That was the big ending. They should all be very proud of that piece of shit film.)
Anyway, back to this good one, Jonah Hill and Jason Shwartzman are pitch perfect as Ira’s insecure roommates. The clips from Jason’s NBC TV show “Yo, Teach” are priceless. And frighteningly real. Rounding out the cast – the girl who looks like UGLY BETTY who Ira wants to go out with but Schwartzman, in one of the best lines of the film, gets to first, is really good, if not terribly funny. But she sort of looks and gets the part. I just didn't really buy her as a comic in the Janine Garafalo mode.
Best of all, mostly, the jokes and the routines in this are pretty funny. Most movies about stand ups have them go out there and suck. Not true on SEINFELD and not true here. I actually laughed from the sets (which Apatow had the comic actors write on their own and then filmed them at places like The Improv.)
As Sandler gets worse from his blood disease, he and Ira get closer and this is also one of the most compelling things about this film, which does carry a touch of the Cameron Crowe vibe in the best way.
Not to reveal spoilers here, but allow me to say that the 2nd half of this very long film (I saw a version that was well over 2 hours) takes such a bizarre left turn that the movie – unfortunately – never really recovers. Ira and George go on the road to do some comedy and run into George’s ex – the one that got away (played admirably by Judd’s real life wife, Leslie Mann, an actress who’s done fine supporting work in some of his other films – but here is given too much, and a thankless role at that.) Eric Bana is also in this and while he’s very good, by the time the four of them are duking it out on the lawn – something has gone terribly awry in both the direction and writing and arc of this film.
I get it – Sandler doesn’t learn from his mistakes. But they get into that idea in such a clunky way that – it doesn’t work. And then the messes start piling up. The completely gratuitous scene in which Sandler throws a party and many current comics, actors and rap stars show up and then exchange in some really warmed over ENTOURAGE shit that wasn’t funny the first time around. Case in point: witness the complete bullshit of the Ray Romano/Eminem exchange. Suddenly this perceptive precise film is now presenting a party in which every comic is somehow ON or CLUELESS.
It kind of starts to suck and resemble a bad sitcom in its third leg. Massively disappointing and a true let down that it doesn’t just go down the path it started out on.
That said, the last 10 minutes tidy things up a bit and while I ultimately liked this movie a lot, and hey – sometimes interesting failures are way better than mediocre successes – but what makes this one sad to me is that this came SO CLOSE to being that great movie.
I still highly recommend it, but you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Grade: (with a heavy sigh): B + (based on the first half – but it could’ve been so much more.)
500 DAYS OF SUMMER (DVD)
A very fine, creative screenplay brings to life the story of two people who were probably never meant to be together. Joseph Gordon Levitt plays a greeting cards writer who hooks up with assistant SUMMER, played by Zooey Deschanel (great name) as the two get into a relationship that is at turns sweet and sour. The gimmick here is a good one – the film charts the relationship in 500 days but does so by picking certain days then moving to others – giving it a constant ebb and flow that might not have been so easy to take in a linear narrative.
Here’s the thing – I love Zooey as an actress. I fucking hated her character. She wanted her cake and to eat it, too. Meanwhile, Joey Gordon is reduced to playing the guy who has to go along with all of her madcap whims. And yet – he’d probably be happy doing that – but she won’t give him the one thing he wants – to admit she loves him and that they’re an actual couple, so some of the days are wonderous, some torturous, and some of the dialoge is so movie-centric cutesy that the entire audience is almost invited to cut their writs in unison.
The thing is, the whole setup is designed for you to not like her. The entire romance is played out from the male POV only, and while there are times when Levitt's character is a little insensitive, this is a guy's fuck you letter to some woman who he feels wronged by - it would be curious to see what her POV was but that's not the way this film goes down.
But it’s a good tortured romantic film, the two leads play their roles well and the movie – it’s just kind of frustrating and a bit overdone for my tastes. (Very rarely does a movie get the characters to do “testimonials” about life and have it work. Here – it does not.)
Also – look, I’m a guy, I’ve been in these relationship with the Ice Queen who doesn’t let you in – and those relationships always become all about her. And while this is something that happens often in life – watching it happen is like watching your worst most tortured relationships play out on screen – not that fun. My anxiety started to rise as soon as Zooey lets her mean freak flag fly all over Joey Gordon’s nice guy character who just wants a girlfriend – not a psychological pummeling.
And Zooey/Summer tries WAY too hard to be cute, quirky and funny. Way too hard. As does the film. But kudos to the innovative screenplay and the moments that work - they work really well.
Grade: C +
I THINK I MISSED mentioning TWO OF THE YEAR’S BEST MOVIES.
TYSON (great Tyson documentary that demands to be seen.)
TWO LOVERS
Here are some older reviews I’d never posted:
MY ANTIONIO (VH1)
Antonio seems like a nice, slightly brain damaged fella. The girls here are all hot, and all developmentally slow as well. Antionio’s mother…is one for the books. This show should be fun but somehow it’s….pretty much a bore. Antonio is a bit too serious and self important and like I said, slightly retarded - and the casting doesn’t really make for the kind of lunacy we expect from these types of shows. The presence of Antiono’s ex here is just kind of pathetic and on the mean side. I check out after episode #3.
Grade: D
DADDY’S GIRLS (MTV)
A spin off of RUNS HOUSE – which I’ve never seen. I accidently caught this and found it to be an overly scripted reality show that has no resemblance whatsoever to anything remotely real, or the least bit entertaining.
Grade: D –
BIG BROTHER (CBS)
Another casting nightmare, this usually great peep into the lives of strangers got bogged down in some of the cheesiest cast members since season 1. Another early check out.
TYSON (in theaters)
A must see. Mike Tyson is open, honest and candid – and often quite chilling. His remembrences of a misspent youth and friends who are gone is wrenching, and you havne’t quite lived till you’ve heard Tyson call the woman who sent him to prison (for rap) “that wretched, wretched woman.”
Grade: A
HOWARD TV – your love of this network, a pay cable channel available only on ON DEMAND is dependant upon your love of Stern. I’ve been a listener for over 25 years and show no signs of slowing down. Plus, this channel gets you all the stuff you missed, all the stuff you didn’t see on the original segment, original outrageous programming, and is frequently the funniest thing on TV. If you don’t have the radio show, this is a fantastic optional choice and if you have the radio show, this is a great addition.
Grade: A +
RENT FILMED LIVE ON BROADWAY FINAL NIGHT (DVD)
Maybe just for RENTHEADS, but for those of you who found the Christopher Columbus overblown RENT musical film much too much, this is a very proper way to view what RENT actually was. Unfortunately, the cast, while game, isn’t up to the originals singers who brought this to life. But they’re ok. If you want to see the superb, mostly original cast, you have to rent the overblown movie. If you want to see a great production of the stage play – presented here in its last night of life, rent this.
Grade: B +
UNDERBELLY (season 1)
Based on real events, this Australian import depicts the infamous Carlton Crew – all leading up to the Melbourne street wars. Sort of a less sentimental Sopranos without the sort of character work that show was known for, this is none the less a plot heavy, action packed mob show that is both addictive and satisfying with those with a sweet tooth for multi-storied mob sagas. The first season was a lot of fun and introduced some great characters to the mob show pantheon. I haven’t unveiled season 2 yet, but understand that it’s a prequel. Highly recommended. Choose the subtitles – they help with those thick accents.
Grade: B
JCVD (DVD)
Jean Claude Van Damme stars in the best movie he’s ever made – a crime/thriller/fantasy in which JCVD plays a version of himself caught up in a bank robbery. The plot thickens and Jean Claude gets into acting territory I never thought him capable of – and just a really great movie. Highly recommended.
B +
FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS (2nd season) HBO
Loved the first season. New season – not so much. Somehow everything that was so great for the first season somehow lost it’s sizzle in season….but always entertaining.
Grade: B -
MORE TO LOVE (abc)
Same ABC dating game deal – this time it’s with basically attractive fat people. But these shows have really all become a bore. There is nothing new here, though I suppose its nice to see some reality show that isn’t littered from head to toe with pretty people. The problem, I suspect, is that some of these overweight women are more phsychologically vulnerable than their perfect bodied counterparts on other shows – and I hope exposure on this show doesn’t hurt them more. Still, this is a very progressive effort on ABC’s part to shine a spotlight on the more “real” people – if you will.
Grade: A for effort.
Grade: C for execution.
TUPAC: RESSURECTION (VH1)
They rerun this a lot. It’s great – if you loved Tupac – you’d probably love this loving recreation of his life with his own words and tons of info and images. Tupac, we hardly knew ya’.
Grade: B
COM CENTRAL ROAST OF JOAN RIVERS (COM)Some sucked – some were ok – I don’t know. Jeff Ross was funny – Robin Quivers – whom I love dearly – was not. I remember Alan King being kind of inspired. I think the whole thing was ok – I don’t remember it much – which is not a great sign. I love Joan Rivers – I love these roasts – somehow this one didn’t live up to it’s usual hilarity. I think I sort of remember Gilbert Godfried being pretty funny. He always is.
Grade: B -
THE GREAT BUCK HOWARD(DVD)
Very fine film based on the life of KRESKIN the Magician (who appappeared on Letterman and Johnny Carson a billion times.) Colin Hanks is a law student who chucks it all to go on the road with Buck Henry and his dwindling audience. While I can’t superficially gush about it because frankly, I can’t remember the specific scenes here all that well, I just really liked the tone, the performances and the life lessons imparted to Hanks.
Grade: C +
THE BEATLES REMASTERS
Jimmy Kimmel recently said “there is nobody in the world that can tell the difference between the remasters and the old cds.” He’s pretty close. I’m an audiophile and I can tell you that in a side by side comparison – there is a hair more clarity in the new recordings, the mixes are just a tad punchier – a dallop louder. Maybe. If you don’t listen to them side by side – you probably can't hear the difference. And these “new” remasters sound a lot like the songs they put on the “NUMBER ONES” CD a few years ago. If you really want to experience the Beatles old songs with a truly unique mix – throw the George Martin mixed LOVE onto your 5.1 system – now that is the Beatles Remastered – but then again, never a bad reason to listen to the Beatles.
DECADES
I realized that my BEST (and some of the worst) OF THE DECADES LIST mostly consisted of films from 08’.
This week, I offer you the BEST and WORST in movies of 07’. Or – at least what I remember about it:
DECADES LIST 2007:
THERE WILL BE BLOOD (amazing opening – great film.)
MICHAEL CLAYTON (Clooney starts taking the right roles)
JUNO (which made a star out of everyone, particularly Diablo Cody)
I could not get through 8 minutes of AUSTRALIA!
I loved ALPHA DOG.
NORBIT was hateful and inept.
MUSIC AND LYRICS was charming.
BREACH was tense and terrific. Best husband of Reese Witherspoon performance ever.
RENO 911: MIAMI was funny in spots.
I could not bring myself to watch WILD HOGS. Nor will I bring myself to watch OLD DOGS. (I defy anyone to explain the OLD DOGS poster to me.)
I kind of liked BLACK SNAKE MOAN.
ZODIAC was way too long and not all that exciting.
I didn’t get into 300.
BLADES OF GLORY WAS A LITTLE FUNNIER than you’d expect.
THE LOOKOUT was pretty good.
GRINDHOUSE was fun, but QT’s segment was light years better than the Rodriguez chapter.
DISTURBIA was a bit better than it should’ve been, but Shia is no Tom Hanks.
I never saw SPIDERMAN 3.
Or I don’t remember it.
28 WEEKS LATER was a great zombie movie.
I don’t get the PIRATES movies – sorry.
KNOCKED UP knocked me out. One of the decade’s best.
HOSTEL PART II was a great sequel.
LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD sucked. It took all the charm of the original and made you hate the character.
HAIRSPRAY had a great opening number – don’t remember too much else.
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE should’ve been better.
HOT ROD was unwatchable.
UNDERDOG was detestable.
SUPERBAD was awesome.
ROB ZOMBIE’S HALLOWEEN was pretty cool.
EASTERN PROMISES was solid. Great bathroom fighting scene.
I still can’t get through THE DARJEELING LIMITED.
GONE BABY GONE was very well done and a startling good directing debut from Ben Affleck.
WALK HARD was hilarious.
REVIEWS FOR NEXT BLOG:
CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM Season 6 (HBO)
DEXTER Season 4 (SHOWTIME)
SONS OF ANARCHY season 2 (FX)
JULIA & JULIA
THE HURT LOCKER
UP IN THE AIR
THE LOVELY BONES
DISTRICT 9
The last half hour of UP!
And more!
Thanks for stopping by.
YOU CAN NOW FOLLOW THE DIGITAL COUCH ON TWITTER!
twitter.com/TheDigitalCouch
Now when I see something great/bad/mediocre – you can hear about it as soon as I figure out how to "tweet" from my cell phone.
What a douche I’ve become.
I will have more reviews coming - I had a recent tragedy in my extended family which has kept me away from the TV and the theaters. That said – not only was I able to see a couple of things during the week, but I came across a Word file on my computer from a few months ago, so in addition to some new reviews, here are some vintage COUCH reviews that have not seen the light of day just yet.
By the way, when I say “Sandra Bullock bravely plays a white woman who takes an interest in a young black man…” that is what’s called FUCKING SARCASM.
A lot of people didn’t understand how I could find THE HANGOVER funny, yet overrated. I will explain since I got quite a few emails and much ball busting over that review – yes, THE HANGOVER definitely has its moments along with an ingenious premise. That said – the movie doesn’t make you laugh the way…say SOMETHING ABOUT MARY did, or even SUPERBAD. It’s a clever comedy that somehow got billed as the funniest movie ever – and it’s not. But its funny enough to recommend.
Also - I do these fast and don't do a whole lot of going over them as I think my first impressions are kind of what's real about this blog. That means I have shit spelling and I get actors names wrong or mispell them. To be honest - I could care less how Mariah (100 people told me 1 R her name) spells her name. I do care that her performance in PRECIOUS was awesome - but give me a break. Blogs were made for mispelling.
But there is a review that bothers me – there were two films last week that I reviewed before finishing.
UP
I reviewed and basically dismissed before finishing that last half hour.
I still have yet to look at the last half hour.
But I will.
THE BLIND SIDE
…got a great review from me – unfortunately – the second half of this film goes total wish-fullfillment cheeseball bullshit bordering on fantasy. I know it’s a true story, and the performances are uniformly good, and the first half is particularly good, but Sandra Bullock’s character becomes not only a saint half way through, but a walking 5 camera sitcom with no laugh track. The scene where she just can’t wait on line to fill out a form, then cuts to the front of the line and the guy she cuts says "go ahead - I have to hear this." That was fucking retarded. Sandra Bullock threatening a group of dangerous gang members by telling them about her gun she keeps at home – even more fucking retarded.
Still a good film – but far from the great one I had thought it might be.
THE BLIND SIDE:
NEW GRADE:
C –
FUNNY PEOPLE (DVD)
I rebelled against seeing this film for a long time. Judd Apatow is one of my favorite writer/producer/directors. He made 41 YR. OLD VIRGIN and KNOCKED UP, two fantastic comedies, and was involved in many more of my favorites, like FORGETTING SARAH MARSHAL, SUPERBAD, TALLADEGA NIGHTS and WALK HARD.
Not to mention FREAKS AND GEEKS. One of the best series EVER. (If you don’t believe me, go out and rent the single season 18 episode cycle – truly one of the finest hours ever on the air and perhaps the most realistic depiction of high school since James at 15.)
But calling your movie FUNNY PEOPLE and having it BE about FUNNY PEOPLE…that struck me as a bit…pretentious. But I talked to a friend of mine whom I respect and who’d seen it and he really liked it. Based on his short review, I finally unspooled the copy of it that had been sitting on my coffee table.
I liked the first half of FUNNY PEOPLE so much, that I was giddy. I thought it just might be the greatest film of the year, and one of the best of all time. That is how much I liked where this movie was going. It had the same vibe as ALMOST FAMOUS, but somehow, I related to this even more. The scene where Sandler as a famous comedy standup/actor named George Simmons (never better – truly – the performance of his lifetime) brings Seth Rogan as Ira Wright (also a career best playing against type as a geeky stand up writer) to the MY SPACE gig on his private jet over James Taylor’s “Going to Carolina” is one of 2009’s great movie moments. Later, when Sandler, whose prickish comic is responsible for a dozen clearly horrible hit movies (hilariously depicted here as variation of Sandler’s real life moronic fables – such as MERMAN) ends up bringing home two women well…it just felt very real and very informed. Judd Apatow lived with Sandler during and after college and wrote jokes for him and many other comics, and the film delivers on the kicky sequences of watching them craft jokes and then performing it onstage.
Okay, it’s a bit of an insiders film – but most films are about something. For some reason the people who read your stuff always say “never do a film about the biz” and yet – at the end of the year some of the very best films are always “about the biz.” The two movies the first half of this brought to mind were LENNY, which – if you haven’t seen, you should as Dustin Hoffman brilliantly plays Lenny Bruce and depicts how Lenny got really fucked up by the controversial nature of his act (back then he was dangerous – now his routines seem rather quaint.) The other movie I was thinking of was PUNCHLINE, which was utter garbage. Tom Hanks as a brilliant, (brilliant only because everyone said that – not one funny set was delivered in that film) tortured comedian and Sally Field – oy vey, let’s forget about that horrible fucking movie. (I will ruin it even further – at the end Tom Hanks “bravely” – yes Sal, that is a fucking sarcastic line, - Hanks BRAVELY throws his performance and lets Sally Field win the comedy competition. That was the big ending. They should all be very proud of that piece of shit film.)
Anyway, back to this good one, Jonah Hill and Jason Shwartzman are pitch perfect as Ira’s insecure roommates. The clips from Jason’s NBC TV show “Yo, Teach” are priceless. And frighteningly real. Rounding out the cast – the girl who looks like UGLY BETTY who Ira wants to go out with but Schwartzman, in one of the best lines of the film, gets to first, is really good, if not terribly funny. But she sort of looks and gets the part. I just didn't really buy her as a comic in the Janine Garafalo mode.
Best of all, mostly, the jokes and the routines in this are pretty funny. Most movies about stand ups have them go out there and suck. Not true on SEINFELD and not true here. I actually laughed from the sets (which Apatow had the comic actors write on their own and then filmed them at places like The Improv.)
As Sandler gets worse from his blood disease, he and Ira get closer and this is also one of the most compelling things about this film, which does carry a touch of the Cameron Crowe vibe in the best way.
Not to reveal spoilers here, but allow me to say that the 2nd half of this very long film (I saw a version that was well over 2 hours) takes such a bizarre left turn that the movie – unfortunately – never really recovers. Ira and George go on the road to do some comedy and run into George’s ex – the one that got away (played admirably by Judd’s real life wife, Leslie Mann, an actress who’s done fine supporting work in some of his other films – but here is given too much, and a thankless role at that.) Eric Bana is also in this and while he’s very good, by the time the four of them are duking it out on the lawn – something has gone terribly awry in both the direction and writing and arc of this film.
I get it – Sandler doesn’t learn from his mistakes. But they get into that idea in such a clunky way that – it doesn’t work. And then the messes start piling up. The completely gratuitous scene in which Sandler throws a party and many current comics, actors and rap stars show up and then exchange in some really warmed over ENTOURAGE shit that wasn’t funny the first time around. Case in point: witness the complete bullshit of the Ray Romano/Eminem exchange. Suddenly this perceptive precise film is now presenting a party in which every comic is somehow ON or CLUELESS.
It kind of starts to suck and resemble a bad sitcom in its third leg. Massively disappointing and a true let down that it doesn’t just go down the path it started out on.
That said, the last 10 minutes tidy things up a bit and while I ultimately liked this movie a lot, and hey – sometimes interesting failures are way better than mediocre successes – but what makes this one sad to me is that this came SO CLOSE to being that great movie.
I still highly recommend it, but you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Grade: (with a heavy sigh): B + (based on the first half – but it could’ve been so much more.)
500 DAYS OF SUMMER (DVD)
A very fine, creative screenplay brings to life the story of two people who were probably never meant to be together. Joseph Gordon Levitt plays a greeting cards writer who hooks up with assistant SUMMER, played by Zooey Deschanel (great name) as the two get into a relationship that is at turns sweet and sour. The gimmick here is a good one – the film charts the relationship in 500 days but does so by picking certain days then moving to others – giving it a constant ebb and flow that might not have been so easy to take in a linear narrative.
Here’s the thing – I love Zooey as an actress. I fucking hated her character. She wanted her cake and to eat it, too. Meanwhile, Joey Gordon is reduced to playing the guy who has to go along with all of her madcap whims. And yet – he’d probably be happy doing that – but she won’t give him the one thing he wants – to admit she loves him and that they’re an actual couple, so some of the days are wonderous, some torturous, and some of the dialoge is so movie-centric cutesy that the entire audience is almost invited to cut their writs in unison.
The thing is, the whole setup is designed for you to not like her. The entire romance is played out from the male POV only, and while there are times when Levitt's character is a little insensitive, this is a guy's fuck you letter to some woman who he feels wronged by - it would be curious to see what her POV was but that's not the way this film goes down.
But it’s a good tortured romantic film, the two leads play their roles well and the movie – it’s just kind of frustrating and a bit overdone for my tastes. (Very rarely does a movie get the characters to do “testimonials” about life and have it work. Here – it does not.)
Also – look, I’m a guy, I’ve been in these relationship with the Ice Queen who doesn’t let you in – and those relationships always become all about her. And while this is something that happens often in life – watching it happen is like watching your worst most tortured relationships play out on screen – not that fun. My anxiety started to rise as soon as Zooey lets her mean freak flag fly all over Joey Gordon’s nice guy character who just wants a girlfriend – not a psychological pummeling.
And Zooey/Summer tries WAY too hard to be cute, quirky and funny. Way too hard. As does the film. But kudos to the innovative screenplay and the moments that work - they work really well.
Grade: C +
I THINK I MISSED mentioning TWO OF THE YEAR’S BEST MOVIES.
TYSON (great Tyson documentary that demands to be seen.)
TWO LOVERS
Here are some older reviews I’d never posted:
MY ANTIONIO (VH1)
Antonio seems like a nice, slightly brain damaged fella. The girls here are all hot, and all developmentally slow as well. Antionio’s mother…is one for the books. This show should be fun but somehow it’s….pretty much a bore. Antonio is a bit too serious and self important and like I said, slightly retarded - and the casting doesn’t really make for the kind of lunacy we expect from these types of shows. The presence of Antiono’s ex here is just kind of pathetic and on the mean side. I check out after episode #3.
Grade: D
DADDY’S GIRLS (MTV)
A spin off of RUNS HOUSE – which I’ve never seen. I accidently caught this and found it to be an overly scripted reality show that has no resemblance whatsoever to anything remotely real, or the least bit entertaining.
Grade: D –
BIG BROTHER (CBS)
Another casting nightmare, this usually great peep into the lives of strangers got bogged down in some of the cheesiest cast members since season 1. Another early check out.
TYSON (in theaters)
A must see. Mike Tyson is open, honest and candid – and often quite chilling. His remembrences of a misspent youth and friends who are gone is wrenching, and you havne’t quite lived till you’ve heard Tyson call the woman who sent him to prison (for rap) “that wretched, wretched woman.”
Grade: A
HOWARD TV – your love of this network, a pay cable channel available only on ON DEMAND is dependant upon your love of Stern. I’ve been a listener for over 25 years and show no signs of slowing down. Plus, this channel gets you all the stuff you missed, all the stuff you didn’t see on the original segment, original outrageous programming, and is frequently the funniest thing on TV. If you don’t have the radio show, this is a fantastic optional choice and if you have the radio show, this is a great addition.
Grade: A +
RENT FILMED LIVE ON BROADWAY FINAL NIGHT (DVD)
Maybe just for RENTHEADS, but for those of you who found the Christopher Columbus overblown RENT musical film much too much, this is a very proper way to view what RENT actually was. Unfortunately, the cast, while game, isn’t up to the originals singers who brought this to life. But they’re ok. If you want to see the superb, mostly original cast, you have to rent the overblown movie. If you want to see a great production of the stage play – presented here in its last night of life, rent this.
Grade: B +
UNDERBELLY (season 1)
Based on real events, this Australian import depicts the infamous Carlton Crew – all leading up to the Melbourne street wars. Sort of a less sentimental Sopranos without the sort of character work that show was known for, this is none the less a plot heavy, action packed mob show that is both addictive and satisfying with those with a sweet tooth for multi-storied mob sagas. The first season was a lot of fun and introduced some great characters to the mob show pantheon. I haven’t unveiled season 2 yet, but understand that it’s a prequel. Highly recommended. Choose the subtitles – they help with those thick accents.
Grade: B
JCVD (DVD)
Jean Claude Van Damme stars in the best movie he’s ever made – a crime/thriller/fantasy in which JCVD plays a version of himself caught up in a bank robbery. The plot thickens and Jean Claude gets into acting territory I never thought him capable of – and just a really great movie. Highly recommended.
B +
FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS (2nd season) HBO
Loved the first season. New season – not so much. Somehow everything that was so great for the first season somehow lost it’s sizzle in season….but always entertaining.
Grade: B -
MORE TO LOVE (abc)
Same ABC dating game deal – this time it’s with basically attractive fat people. But these shows have really all become a bore. There is nothing new here, though I suppose its nice to see some reality show that isn’t littered from head to toe with pretty people. The problem, I suspect, is that some of these overweight women are more phsychologically vulnerable than their perfect bodied counterparts on other shows – and I hope exposure on this show doesn’t hurt them more. Still, this is a very progressive effort on ABC’s part to shine a spotlight on the more “real” people – if you will.
Grade: A for effort.
Grade: C for execution.
TUPAC: RESSURECTION (VH1)
They rerun this a lot. It’s great – if you loved Tupac – you’d probably love this loving recreation of his life with his own words and tons of info and images. Tupac, we hardly knew ya’.
Grade: B
COM CENTRAL ROAST OF JOAN RIVERS (COM)Some sucked – some were ok – I don’t know. Jeff Ross was funny – Robin Quivers – whom I love dearly – was not. I remember Alan King being kind of inspired. I think the whole thing was ok – I don’t remember it much – which is not a great sign. I love Joan Rivers – I love these roasts – somehow this one didn’t live up to it’s usual hilarity. I think I sort of remember Gilbert Godfried being pretty funny. He always is.
Grade: B -
THE GREAT BUCK HOWARD(DVD)
Very fine film based on the life of KRESKIN the Magician (who appappeared on Letterman and Johnny Carson a billion times.) Colin Hanks is a law student who chucks it all to go on the road with Buck Henry and his dwindling audience. While I can’t superficially gush about it because frankly, I can’t remember the specific scenes here all that well, I just really liked the tone, the performances and the life lessons imparted to Hanks.
Grade: C +
THE BEATLES REMASTERS
Jimmy Kimmel recently said “there is nobody in the world that can tell the difference between the remasters and the old cds.” He’s pretty close. I’m an audiophile and I can tell you that in a side by side comparison – there is a hair more clarity in the new recordings, the mixes are just a tad punchier – a dallop louder. Maybe. If you don’t listen to them side by side – you probably can't hear the difference. And these “new” remasters sound a lot like the songs they put on the “NUMBER ONES” CD a few years ago. If you really want to experience the Beatles old songs with a truly unique mix – throw the George Martin mixed LOVE onto your 5.1 system – now that is the Beatles Remastered – but then again, never a bad reason to listen to the Beatles.
DECADES
I realized that my BEST (and some of the worst) OF THE DECADES LIST mostly consisted of films from 08’.
This week, I offer you the BEST and WORST in movies of 07’. Or – at least what I remember about it:
DECADES LIST 2007:
THERE WILL BE BLOOD (amazing opening – great film.)
MICHAEL CLAYTON (Clooney starts taking the right roles)
JUNO (which made a star out of everyone, particularly Diablo Cody)
I could not get through 8 minutes of AUSTRALIA!
I loved ALPHA DOG.
NORBIT was hateful and inept.
MUSIC AND LYRICS was charming.
BREACH was tense and terrific. Best husband of Reese Witherspoon performance ever.
RENO 911: MIAMI was funny in spots.
I could not bring myself to watch WILD HOGS. Nor will I bring myself to watch OLD DOGS. (I defy anyone to explain the OLD DOGS poster to me.)
I kind of liked BLACK SNAKE MOAN.
ZODIAC was way too long and not all that exciting.
I didn’t get into 300.
BLADES OF GLORY WAS A LITTLE FUNNIER than you’d expect.
THE LOOKOUT was pretty good.
GRINDHOUSE was fun, but QT’s segment was light years better than the Rodriguez chapter.
DISTURBIA was a bit better than it should’ve been, but Shia is no Tom Hanks.
I never saw SPIDERMAN 3.
Or I don’t remember it.
28 WEEKS LATER was a great zombie movie.
I don’t get the PIRATES movies – sorry.
KNOCKED UP knocked me out. One of the decade’s best.
HOSTEL PART II was a great sequel.
LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD sucked. It took all the charm of the original and made you hate the character.
HAIRSPRAY had a great opening number – don’t remember too much else.
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE should’ve been better.
HOT ROD was unwatchable.
UNDERDOG was detestable.
SUPERBAD was awesome.
ROB ZOMBIE’S HALLOWEEN was pretty cool.
EASTERN PROMISES was solid. Great bathroom fighting scene.
I still can’t get through THE DARJEELING LIMITED.
GONE BABY GONE was very well done and a startling good directing debut from Ben Affleck.
WALK HARD was hilarious.
REVIEWS FOR NEXT BLOG:
CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM Season 6 (HBO)
DEXTER Season 4 (SHOWTIME)
SONS OF ANARCHY season 2 (FX)
JULIA & JULIA
THE HURT LOCKER
UP IN THE AIR
THE LOVELY BONES
DISTRICT 9
The last half hour of UP!
And more!
Thanks for stopping by.
2009/12/12
The return of the couch! Decades edition. Sort of.
Part 1.
I haven't seen all the year end films and probably won't - so this is a highly subjective and limited list. None the less, I've seen quite a few films.
In no particular order, here are some of the best things about 2009. And some of the worst. And some in between.
1.) PRECIOUS
It's really bleak. It's pretty dark and it was never meant to be ROCKY. But it's about the best drama I've seen in a long time with such originality that all of its ghetto cliches feel fresh and new. Based on a harrowing true story of a real girl growing up in Harlem in the 80s, precious features out of the box performances by its lead, Gabourey Sidibe as the young girl and as her mother, Monique gives a completely unexpected and lived in performance. Mariah Carrey is shockingly good in her two quick scenes and the direction is quite good, if a little outlandish in some of the quick fantasy sequences that feel completely out of place and amateurishly executed. That very minor quibble aside - this is a must see.
2.) WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
Completely original and wholly indescribable. The film, about the needs and yearnings of an aggressive young boy, quickly gets to a place where we are stuck for the rest of the movie. Initially it feels like a sentence. About 5 minutes later I realized I was literally in the mind of the boy and taken to a place in film I've never been before. The creatures are CGI marvels, James Gandolfini does some of his best work voicing the main puppet, and while I would not recommend this for kids at all - it's maybe one of the best kids films made for adults ever.
3.) PAUL BLART: MALL COP
Okay - not one of the year's best at all - but a far funnier film than it had a right to be. Kevin James can save almost any material and this had the feel of DIE HARD in a mall - and it all worked really well. I laughed out loud often. (not one of the year's best, just a great rental - but felt I should include this.)
4.) GOMORRAH
Unsentimental, hard, complicated to understand, and ultimately brilliant. Doing away with the kind of mob-sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS the best show ever, this slow burn of multi-story mob tales builds to an overall feeling that - loyalty doesn't mean shit.
5.) I LOVE YOU, MAN
The best Judd Apatow film not directed by Judd Apatow. Paul Rudd and Jason Siegal are just great as new found pals and the supporting cast, particularly Jon Favrau and Jamie Presley, do killer work in this likable comedy.
6.) THE GREAT BUCK HOWARD
Offbeat film that's supposedly about The Amazing Kreskin, I really enjoyed this. Colin Hanks is great and John Malchovich is perfect as the age-addled Buck Howard.
7.) CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE
Outrageous sequel to the outrageous and cult classic original - this film had no right to be funny, fresh and moving. Yet it was all those things. Way better than you'd think. And yes, it made no sense.
8.) TERMINATOR: SALVATION
Part 1 was great. T2 was probably one of the best of the genre. Part 3 sucked hard - this one almost fails to show up. The best thing this film produced was Christian Bale's outragous on set tirade at the sound man who kept stepping into frame during shooting: in fact, the following might be the best thing about 2009 (although - Tiger Woods was caught with 14 women right in time for Christmas) - in the meantime, enjoy one last jaunt through Mr. Bale's words:
...kick your fucking ass. I want you off the fucking set you prick. No, don't just be sorry, think for one fucking second. What the fuck are you doing? Are you professional or not? Do I fucking walk around and rip- no, shut the fuck up Bruce, do I-no! No! Don't shut me up. Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lighs down? In the middle of a scene? Then why the fuck are you walking right through? a-tada-tada like this in the background, what the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about- Hey! It's fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind bryce in the middle of the fucking scene. Gimme a fucking answer. What don't you get about it? ... fuck sake man you're amateur... you've got something to say to this prick? Well somebody's should be watching him and keeping an eye on him. It's the second time that he doesn't give a fuck about what is going on in front of the camera. Alright? I'm trying to fucking do a scene here and I'm going why the fuck is Shane walking in there? What is he doing there? Do you understand? My mind is not in the scene if you're doing that. Stay off the fucking set man, for fuck's set. Right let's go again. Let's not take a fucking minute, let's go again. And let's not have you fucking walking in... You're unbelievable man, you're un-fucking-believable. The number of times you stroll in the fucking background. I've never had a DP behave like this. You don't fucking understand what its like working with actors. That's what that is. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. You wouldn't have done that otherwise. I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass if you don't shut up for a second, alright? I'm gonna go, do you want me to go and trash your lights? Do you want me to fucking trash them? Then why are you trashing my scene? You do it one more time, and I wain't walking back to set if you're still hired... seriously man - you and me, we're fucking done professionally.... fucking ass.
How fucking great is that? If I could live, breathe and work in that - I would. It's that good.
Fucking amateur.
The movie itself was really rubbish, though. A true waste of time.
9.) UP
I have the last half hour to go on this, and aside from the amazing first 20 minutes which show a life, a marriage and a death with unbelievable poetry and wisdom, I never got into the rest of this Pixar film the way some did. Sorry. I didn't really get this one.
10) THE HANGOVER
Kinda funny, but very overrated.
11.) LAND OF THE LOST
Had its moments, but considering the amazing source material - this could've been the best super specific spoof in the world or the coolest action movie ever. Instead, it was a middling Will Ferrel comedy that was saved occasionally by some crude humor courtesy of the always hilarious Danny McBride.
12.) PUBLIC ENEMIES
Considering the director and the star, this was a massive one-note disappointment.
13.) DISTRICT 9
One of the year's best and one of the more unique movies in the sci-fi category. Starts as a documentary then casually morphs into a straight narrative. The special effects are very special and the metaphors actually work the relationship between the two leads was both moving and original.
14.) INGLORIOUS BASTERDS
QT honestly did it again. I would say one of his best, but then - he's only made about 6 films and they're all spectacular. Even JACKIE BROWN, originally kind of dissed in its theatrical release, is amazing if you go back and look at it. I even really liked DEATH PROOF, though that may be the least of his efforts. But getting back to BASTARDS, the cast is great, particularly the Jew Hunter, Brad Pitt is perfect and the last sequence between the theatre owner and the star of the faux film - haunting. The finale is one of the best 15 minutes of 2009. One of the years, and decades, very best. It exists as both a great war film, and firmly a Tarantino film.
15.) THE INFORMANT!
Really good, if not great. But really good. Matt Damon , howeer, is great.
16.) ZOMBIELAND
I love zombie movies and was hoping for more pathos in this - but it remained mostly a comedy throughout and as that, worked just fine. I just felt it could've been so much more. They just announced a 3-D sequel - that should be fun.
17.) THE BLIND SIDE
Like Hilary Swank before her, Sandra Bullock bravely plays a white woman who feels a compassionate need to help a needy young black man. Only this movie, with all its white guilt cliches, is written and directed so well that it all works. And Bullock, who really has found a way to step up her acting game in this film. is pitch perfect. Based on a true story, this is way better than I ever thought it could be.
Ok, so - I promised 10, gave you 17 - and I still have many films to watch.
This is the first part of my year end series and will do a few blogs with the rest of the notable 2009 releases along with my best picks for tv of the year, the year in music, and then I will really fuck up the best of the decade list.
In the meantime, here are some of the best of the decade films:
THE WRESTLER (not just a Mickey Rourke comeback but a great film all on its own)
THE DARK KNIGHT (superhero masterpiece)
WALL.E
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (unrated version - one of my very favorites)
TOWELHEAD (very dark, very good - maybe not a decade best, but one of the years best.)
ROLE MODELS (maybe not best of the decade - but pretty awesome.)
Stay tuned for part 2.
I haven't seen all the year end films and probably won't - so this is a highly subjective and limited list. None the less, I've seen quite a few films.
In no particular order, here are some of the best things about 2009. And some of the worst. And some in between.
1.) PRECIOUS
It's really bleak. It's pretty dark and it was never meant to be ROCKY. But it's about the best drama I've seen in a long time with such originality that all of its ghetto cliches feel fresh and new. Based on a harrowing true story of a real girl growing up in Harlem in the 80s, precious features out of the box performances by its lead, Gabourey Sidibe as the young girl and as her mother, Monique gives a completely unexpected and lived in performance. Mariah Carrey is shockingly good in her two quick scenes and the direction is quite good, if a little outlandish in some of the quick fantasy sequences that feel completely out of place and amateurishly executed. That very minor quibble aside - this is a must see.
2.) WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
Completely original and wholly indescribable. The film, about the needs and yearnings of an aggressive young boy, quickly gets to a place where we are stuck for the rest of the movie. Initially it feels like a sentence. About 5 minutes later I realized I was literally in the mind of the boy and taken to a place in film I've never been before. The creatures are CGI marvels, James Gandolfini does some of his best work voicing the main puppet, and while I would not recommend this for kids at all - it's maybe one of the best kids films made for adults ever.
3.) PAUL BLART: MALL COP
Okay - not one of the year's best at all - but a far funnier film than it had a right to be. Kevin James can save almost any material and this had the feel of DIE HARD in a mall - and it all worked really well. I laughed out loud often. (not one of the year's best, just a great rental - but felt I should include this.)
4.) GOMORRAH
Unsentimental, hard, complicated to understand, and ultimately brilliant. Doing away with the kind of mob-sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS the best show ever, this slow burn of multi-story mob tales builds to an overall feeling that - loyalty doesn't mean shit.
5.) I LOVE YOU, MAN
The best Judd Apatow film not directed by Judd Apatow. Paul Rudd and Jason Siegal are just great as new found pals and the supporting cast, particularly Jon Favrau and Jamie Presley, do killer work in this likable comedy.
6.) THE GREAT BUCK HOWARD
Offbeat film that's supposedly about The Amazing Kreskin, I really enjoyed this. Colin Hanks is great and John Malchovich is perfect as the age-addled Buck Howard.
7.) CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE
Outrageous sequel to the outrageous and cult classic original - this film had no right to be funny, fresh and moving. Yet it was all those things. Way better than you'd think. And yes, it made no sense.
8.) TERMINATOR: SALVATION
Part 1 was great. T2 was probably one of the best of the genre. Part 3 sucked hard - this one almost fails to show up. The best thing this film produced was Christian Bale's outragous on set tirade at the sound man who kept stepping into frame during shooting: in fact, the following might be the best thing about 2009 (although - Tiger Woods was caught with 14 women right in time for Christmas) - in the meantime, enjoy one last jaunt through Mr. Bale's words:
...kick your fucking ass. I want you off the fucking set you prick. No, don't just be sorry, think for one fucking second. What the fuck are you doing? Are you professional or not? Do I fucking walk around and rip- no, shut the fuck up Bruce, do I-no! No! Don't shut me up. Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lighs down? In the middle of a scene? Then why the fuck are you walking right through? a-tada-tada like this in the background, what the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about- Hey! It's fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind bryce in the middle of the fucking scene. Gimme a fucking answer. What don't you get about it? ... fuck sake man you're amateur... you've got something to say to this prick? Well somebody's should be watching him and keeping an eye on him. It's the second time that he doesn't give a fuck about what is going on in front of the camera. Alright? I'm trying to fucking do a scene here and I'm going why the fuck is Shane walking in there? What is he doing there? Do you understand? My mind is not in the scene if you're doing that. Stay off the fucking set man, for fuck's set. Right let's go again. Let's not take a fucking minute, let's go again. And let's not have you fucking walking in... You're unbelievable man, you're un-fucking-believable. The number of times you stroll in the fucking background. I've never had a DP behave like this. You don't fucking understand what its like working with actors. That's what that is. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. You wouldn't have done that otherwise. I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass if you don't shut up for a second, alright? I'm gonna go, do you want me to go and trash your lights? Do you want me to fucking trash them? Then why are you trashing my scene? You do it one more time, and I wain't walking back to set if you're still hired... seriously man - you and me, we're fucking done professionally.... fucking ass.
How fucking great is that? If I could live, breathe and work in that - I would. It's that good.
Fucking amateur.
The movie itself was really rubbish, though. A true waste of time.
9.) UP
I have the last half hour to go on this, and aside from the amazing first 20 minutes which show a life, a marriage and a death with unbelievable poetry and wisdom, I never got into the rest of this Pixar film the way some did. Sorry. I didn't really get this one.
10) THE HANGOVER
Kinda funny, but very overrated.
11.) LAND OF THE LOST
Had its moments, but considering the amazing source material - this could've been the best super specific spoof in the world or the coolest action movie ever. Instead, it was a middling Will Ferrel comedy that was saved occasionally by some crude humor courtesy of the always hilarious Danny McBride.
12.) PUBLIC ENEMIES
Considering the director and the star, this was a massive one-note disappointment.
13.) DISTRICT 9
One of the year's best and one of the more unique movies in the sci-fi category. Starts as a documentary then casually morphs into a straight narrative. The special effects are very special and the metaphors actually work the relationship between the two leads was both moving and original.
14.) INGLORIOUS BASTERDS
QT honestly did it again. I would say one of his best, but then - he's only made about 6 films and they're all spectacular. Even JACKIE BROWN, originally kind of dissed in its theatrical release, is amazing if you go back and look at it. I even really liked DEATH PROOF, though that may be the least of his efforts. But getting back to BASTARDS, the cast is great, particularly the Jew Hunter, Brad Pitt is perfect and the last sequence between the theatre owner and the star of the faux film - haunting. The finale is one of the best 15 minutes of 2009. One of the years, and decades, very best. It exists as both a great war film, and firmly a Tarantino film.
15.) THE INFORMANT!
Really good, if not great. But really good. Matt Damon , howeer, is great.
16.) ZOMBIELAND
I love zombie movies and was hoping for more pathos in this - but it remained mostly a comedy throughout and as that, worked just fine. I just felt it could've been so much more. They just announced a 3-D sequel - that should be fun.
17.) THE BLIND SIDE
Like Hilary Swank before her, Sandra Bullock bravely plays a white woman who feels a compassionate need to help a needy young black man. Only this movie, with all its white guilt cliches, is written and directed so well that it all works. And Bullock, who really has found a way to step up her acting game in this film. is pitch perfect. Based on a true story, this is way better than I ever thought it could be.
Ok, so - I promised 10, gave you 17 - and I still have many films to watch.
This is the first part of my year end series and will do a few blogs with the rest of the notable 2009 releases along with my best picks for tv of the year, the year in music, and then I will really fuck up the best of the decade list.
In the meantime, here are some of the best of the decade films:
THE WRESTLER (not just a Mickey Rourke comeback but a great film all on its own)
THE DARK KNIGHT (superhero masterpiece)
WALL.E
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (unrated version - one of my very favorites)
TOWELHEAD (very dark, very good - maybe not a decade best, but one of the years best.)
ROLE MODELS (maybe not best of the decade - but pretty awesome.)
Stay tuned for part 2.
2009/09/18
Andy Samberg, Michael Jackson and The Real World
There is a backlog of things I need to review – so, these are going to be a bit older for a while – but I’ll eventually catch up.
HOT ROD (HBO)
I love Andy Samberg. That said - this is fucking awful.
Grade: D -
MICHAEL JACKSON: STRIPPED PERFORMANCES (ITUNES)
Right after MJ died Mowtown cynically took his most known performances and “stripped” them down to the vocals and bass. As opportunistic as this is – it’s a fantastic disc that highlights the young MJ’s voice to perfection.
Grade: A
CREEPSHOW 2 (HBO)
CREEPSHOW 1 began a partnership between George A. Romero and Stephen King that lasted 12 years, took much of their time and energies, and yielded exactly ONE good film – CREEPSHOW. They then went on to collaborate on about 34 other really shitty projects. (BRUISER anyone?) CREEPSHOW 2, like all of their post CREEPSHOW efforts, is mediocre at best. But of the 34 shitty projects, one of the better ones.
Grade: C -
PUBLIC ENEMY (IN THEATERS)
Depp is game and the shot on video look works in this period piece – but the script never takes flight, the romance doesn’t work at all, and we don’t care about any of these people. As good as Depp is, he never makes us relate to the famous bank robber. Michael Mann can be an expert filmmaker – here he’s just dull.
Grade: C
STASH (STRAIGHT to DVD)
Unwatchable.
F
RECOUNT (HBO)
Great HBO docu-drama about the voting process that showed itself to be insanely flawed during the Bush-Gore face off. If 10 percent of this film is true, the procedures used to count votes are reprehensible. The acting here, is superb. Particularly Kevin Spacey and Dennis Leary.
Grade: B +
REAL WORLD: CANCUN (MTV)
What a season of hookups, threesomes and that certain insanity that only 20 somethings can bring. The REAL WORLD is probably still one of the very best reality shows on tv – as it doesn’t waste time with a stupid competition – it just plays more like a fly on the wall as these seemingly nice people eventually plot to destroy each other. Speaking of which – While the Joey/Aaiya hook up was a surprise – the 3some involving Aiya, Pat, and the hot girl whose name I can’t remember but who showed up with a boyfriend and ended up fucking almost everyone in Cancun – that was a shocker. That girl whose name I can’t think of – she’s really a piece of work. And of course – great TV.
Grade: B
HOT ROD (HBO)
I love Andy Samberg. That said - this is fucking awful.
Grade: D -
MICHAEL JACKSON: STRIPPED PERFORMANCES (ITUNES)
Right after MJ died Mowtown cynically took his most known performances and “stripped” them down to the vocals and bass. As opportunistic as this is – it’s a fantastic disc that highlights the young MJ’s voice to perfection.
Grade: A
CREEPSHOW 2 (HBO)
CREEPSHOW 1 began a partnership between George A. Romero and Stephen King that lasted 12 years, took much of their time and energies, and yielded exactly ONE good film – CREEPSHOW. They then went on to collaborate on about 34 other really shitty projects. (BRUISER anyone?) CREEPSHOW 2, like all of their post CREEPSHOW efforts, is mediocre at best. But of the 34 shitty projects, one of the better ones.
Grade: C -
PUBLIC ENEMY (IN THEATERS)
Depp is game and the shot on video look works in this period piece – but the script never takes flight, the romance doesn’t work at all, and we don’t care about any of these people. As good as Depp is, he never makes us relate to the famous bank robber. Michael Mann can be an expert filmmaker – here he’s just dull.
Grade: C
STASH (STRAIGHT to DVD)
Unwatchable.
F
RECOUNT (HBO)
Great HBO docu-drama about the voting process that showed itself to be insanely flawed during the Bush-Gore face off. If 10 percent of this film is true, the procedures used to count votes are reprehensible. The acting here, is superb. Particularly Kevin Spacey and Dennis Leary.
Grade: B +
REAL WORLD: CANCUN (MTV)
What a season of hookups, threesomes and that certain insanity that only 20 somethings can bring. The REAL WORLD is probably still one of the very best reality shows on tv – as it doesn’t waste time with a stupid competition – it just plays more like a fly on the wall as these seemingly nice people eventually plot to destroy each other. Speaking of which – While the Joey/Aaiya hook up was a surprise – the 3some involving Aiya, Pat, and the hot girl whose name I can’t remember but who showed up with a boyfriend and ended up fucking almost everyone in Cancun – that was a shocker. That girl whose name I can’t think of – she’s really a piece of work. And of course – great TV.
Grade: B
2009/08/04
You're F..ing out - I'm F... in!
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE! (abc)
Last night's Jake Byrd segment was insanely funny. Check it out on youtube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FPIMMTx6n4
(sorry - don't know how to make this link hot - but cut and paste - this is that funny.)
DATELINE: THE TAKING OF PATTY HEARST (NBC)
Great new docu on the forever fascinating kidnapping of Patty Hearst by the ASL. I’ve never drawn a real conclusion as to what went on there but this hour provided lots of new insight. It's also a story I somehow can't get enough of.
Grade: B
DRIVEN (HBO)
Sly Stallone and Burt Reynolds – written by Sly and Directed by Renny Halan. An older race car driver (stallone) is called out of retirement by his old boss (Burt Reynolds) to stage a comeback on the road.
Written by Stallone.
Directed by Renny Harlen.
Grade: F
AMERICAN TEEN (DVD – Paramount)
Simply the best documentary I’ve seen in forever and the kids are pretty real, smart, straightforward, insecure, self hating and unforgettable. A home run.
Grade: A +
PRIMETIME: THE JACKSONS AFTER MICHAEL (ABC)
AND ALL OTHER VARIOUS JACKSON SPECIALS
I felt bad when I heard about MJ. We share the same b-day (aug 29) and I always felt close to him in some weird way because of that. During the 80s there was no bigger MJ fan than I – I can perfectly moonwalk (I swear.) At this point - there is nothing left to say. Joe Jackson is criminally scary - his mom seems weird - Debbie Rowe is out of her mind - Tito seems criminally stupid "Michael fathered those kids - look in their eyes - that's Michael in their eyes - Eyes don't lie..." But for whatever its worth - the 2 weeks that followed his death I could not get enough of his old CDs. God only knows what he did with those kids - and in death he really achieved something he could never obtain while alive - a bona fide comeback.
PARIS HILTON’S NEW BFF (MTV)
Insanly bad and yet…deliciously good. The premise is so retarded – Paris is so thick – yet someone it works….somehow.
Grade: C –
THE X FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (HBO)
Much better than the reviews had suggested – this was not some big sweeping mythology baiting swan song, but rather an intriguing follow up to the lame duck final episode which had a whole 2 hours of Mulder being taken to court by the FBI over his findings (it was a ridiculously bad ending and completely anti-climactic which put Mulder on the run from the FBI for the rest of his life – it was that bad.) This film handily makes up for the finale’s bullshit and jumps right back into the fray with our favorite subject – Mulder and Scully – it picks up reasonably where the finale left off – it has a so-so X-Files case involving Billy Connolly (only Chris Carter - famous purvert and porn addict - would posit a child molester as his hero - seriously) but it actually does further all the arcs and relationships and includes quite a few sweet surprises for long time X fans. This is not a great movie, but rather a really tasty follow up to a series that had seen its better days long before that final hour rolled. Reccomendded for completists and X fans alike – and for the record – they could make a few more of these and I’d be happy to watch them.
There is still a lot of life left in this franchise, and while I enjoy watching Duchovny get his freak on in CALIFORNICATION, this is clearly the best role he’ll ever have and his chemistry with Gillian Anderson remains a high point in this. I thought the ending could have put a wrap on the entire series as they could've realized this might be their final bow, but frankly, it does not go quite far enough in putting this to bed. I hope there's another one - with a better stand alone story.
Grade: B
PAULA ABDUL NOT ON IDOL?
Say it isn’t so. Though I’ve attacked her many times in this very blog, I’ve come to appreciate her insane brand of criticism and her unpredictable medically prescribed moments of insanity. Basically, she puts on a freak show that we all love watching – without her – it’s just Simon’s trenchant words that mean anything – the new girl Karla is bright but as for the show – she stinks – and Randy is as useless as always, dawg. Simon and Paula have the real chemistry here (and Simon and Ryan – interestingly enough) – and if I were Paula I’d recognize that this is home – take the money and make a drug induced run.
UPDATE: It's official - she's gone. It was fun while it lasted. Be prepared for a few really bad Paula driven competition shows.
MEAGAN WANTS A MILLIONAIRE (vh1)
Meagan is a beautiful and wretched presense. The men here are kind of pathetic and hilarious. Sounds like another winner. The ultimate problem is that of any great movie – Meagan is a great foil but not somebody we care at all about.
Grade: C -
LOLITA (68’ Stanley Kubrick Version)
I really liked this movie. I’d never seen it before – nor the remake, nor read the book. From what I have heard, the book is great and this film could not at the time really portray what was going on in the book. The funny thing is – it works to Kubrick’s advantage – in a weird way – the less he said – the more salacious the impliciation. In fact, by the time this hits the half-way mark, we believe that debauchery is going on that might not even be intended.
That said – there are some problems here – “Lolita” was cast to be not all that young – in the book she was 13 – here she’s cusping 17 and looks quite womanly – although it still works – just does not come off quite as scandalous. I also have to say – I had the entire Peter Sellers character quite wrong – although – even though it was a big reveal – (no spoilers) – there were aspects of it that did not really play out. Still, this is a very sturdy movie with a killer lead performance by James Mason, unafraid to take the role after half of Hollywood had turned it down.
Grade: B +
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke goes green! C’mon Guys!
Grade: F
RESCUE ME (FX)
Winding down from a VERY high wire and ambitious season with a spate of episodes that seem like after thoughts. This has been such a good season I hope they are planning some big time stuff for the final few eps. Either way, this has been a great year for a 5 year old show that I look forward to coming back again. This was their make it or break it year and they made it – I just hope that they shake off the 22 episode fatigue and go out of season 5 in as much style as they came into it.
Grade: B +
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
No human nature truth telling, no real life lesssons, just good old fashioned vampire yarns in a creepy, swampy town. And now with its most recents twists – this is better than ever. Sunday's episode was INSANE.
Grade: A +
THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE (DVD)
Yet another example of a film so bad, it’s delicious. Paris Hilton gives this her best shot – which is to say – she’s incompressible bad in this incomprehensibly plotted out film. The actress playing the “nottie” is really the best thing about this – and by HOTTIE – they mean Paris – playing an even dumber version of her public persona, and THE NOTTIE – is CLEARLY beautiful in a film beset by truly tragic lighting and direction problems – in which THE NOTTIE sometimes looks beautiful (her 3rd grade prostetichs don’t really hold the illusion that she’s ugly up very well.)
There are some ok actors in this – the story does have some kind of arc – but this is all very ridiculous – and perfect for a lazy Sunday with popcorn if you’re in the mood for a flim with 100 percent unintentional laughs. My favorite bit has to do with the Nottie – who at the beginning of the film is balding – gets a treatment at a spa and walks out with the nicest head of hair ever seen in the movies. The explanation – they slipped her a little Rogaine at her one hour treatment and it transformed her hair.
It’s that kind of shoddy research (P. Hilton was a producer on this – HUUUUGE), along with the male lead coming to yoga class in tight jeans – which, by the way – nobody batted an eyelash at – that makes this film so sinfully good.
I watched it with one of my best friends in July and we’re still laughing about it. As a real movie – don’t go near it. As something to make fun of and laugh at - highly recommended.
Grade: A/F
EASTBOUND & DOWN (HBO)
I recently caught up with all 6 original HBO eps and I’m convinced this was the comedy event of the tv season. Amazing – and about as funny as television gets – Kenny Powers – you are fucking in. And the guy that plays Stevie – he’s a miracle and maybe the most originally weird character ever in the history of a tv show. And as for April, Power’s ex – enchanting. The rest of the cast is every bit as rock solid and this series, thus far, is one for the record books. Never before have I rooted so hard for such an insane and messed up in every possible way protagonist. One of my favorite lines “I’m in the autumn of my youth and I would just like some peace, quiet and a warm glass of wine.”
Grade: A+
RANDOM FLIPPINGS:
Jay Mohr doing his Chris Walken impression on RACHEL RAY - I did not see the actual impressions - I just saw Mohr with that stupid fucking grin and Rachel say "We're here with Jay Mohr, Chris Walken and Tracey Jordan! (Tracey Jordan is now the go-to impression for no-talents who can't really do impressions) - Jay Mohr is on it!...
Zach uncovering a MURDERER by taking off the person's wig and revealing them to be a man on SAVED BY THE BELL...
The entire new season of BIG BROTHER kind of sucks....these might be the cheeziest characters ever - the fact that they are real people is almost disturbing...
Check out the latest Noel Gallaher (one half of Oasis) club shows on YOUTUBE...
Also check out thhe 2009 PROMS version of NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU on YOUTUBE - Sinead O'Conner gained 30 pounds, a full head of hair and still sings like an angel...
Last night's Jake Byrd segment was insanely funny. Check it out on youtube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FPIMMTx6n4
(sorry - don't know how to make this link hot - but cut and paste - this is that funny.)
DATELINE: THE TAKING OF PATTY HEARST (NBC)
Great new docu on the forever fascinating kidnapping of Patty Hearst by the ASL. I’ve never drawn a real conclusion as to what went on there but this hour provided lots of new insight. It's also a story I somehow can't get enough of.
Grade: B
DRIVEN (HBO)
Sly Stallone and Burt Reynolds – written by Sly and Directed by Renny Halan. An older race car driver (stallone) is called out of retirement by his old boss (Burt Reynolds) to stage a comeback on the road.
Written by Stallone.
Directed by Renny Harlen.
Grade: F
AMERICAN TEEN (DVD – Paramount)
Simply the best documentary I’ve seen in forever and the kids are pretty real, smart, straightforward, insecure, self hating and unforgettable. A home run.
Grade: A +
PRIMETIME: THE JACKSONS AFTER MICHAEL (ABC)
AND ALL OTHER VARIOUS JACKSON SPECIALS
I felt bad when I heard about MJ. We share the same b-day (aug 29) and I always felt close to him in some weird way because of that. During the 80s there was no bigger MJ fan than I – I can perfectly moonwalk (I swear.) At this point - there is nothing left to say. Joe Jackson is criminally scary - his mom seems weird - Debbie Rowe is out of her mind - Tito seems criminally stupid "Michael fathered those kids - look in their eyes - that's Michael in their eyes - Eyes don't lie..." But for whatever its worth - the 2 weeks that followed his death I could not get enough of his old CDs. God only knows what he did with those kids - and in death he really achieved something he could never obtain while alive - a bona fide comeback.
PARIS HILTON’S NEW BFF (MTV)
Insanly bad and yet…deliciously good. The premise is so retarded – Paris is so thick – yet someone it works….somehow.
Grade: C –
THE X FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (HBO)
Much better than the reviews had suggested – this was not some big sweeping mythology baiting swan song, but rather an intriguing follow up to the lame duck final episode which had a whole 2 hours of Mulder being taken to court by the FBI over his findings (it was a ridiculously bad ending and completely anti-climactic which put Mulder on the run from the FBI for the rest of his life – it was that bad.) This film handily makes up for the finale’s bullshit and jumps right back into the fray with our favorite subject – Mulder and Scully – it picks up reasonably where the finale left off – it has a so-so X-Files case involving Billy Connolly (only Chris Carter - famous purvert and porn addict - would posit a child molester as his hero - seriously) but it actually does further all the arcs and relationships and includes quite a few sweet surprises for long time X fans. This is not a great movie, but rather a really tasty follow up to a series that had seen its better days long before that final hour rolled. Reccomendded for completists and X fans alike – and for the record – they could make a few more of these and I’d be happy to watch them.
There is still a lot of life left in this franchise, and while I enjoy watching Duchovny get his freak on in CALIFORNICATION, this is clearly the best role he’ll ever have and his chemistry with Gillian Anderson remains a high point in this. I thought the ending could have put a wrap on the entire series as they could've realized this might be their final bow, but frankly, it does not go quite far enough in putting this to bed. I hope there's another one - with a better stand alone story.
Grade: B
PAULA ABDUL NOT ON IDOL?
Say it isn’t so. Though I’ve attacked her many times in this very blog, I’ve come to appreciate her insane brand of criticism and her unpredictable medically prescribed moments of insanity. Basically, she puts on a freak show that we all love watching – without her – it’s just Simon’s trenchant words that mean anything – the new girl Karla is bright but as for the show – she stinks – and Randy is as useless as always, dawg. Simon and Paula have the real chemistry here (and Simon and Ryan – interestingly enough) – and if I were Paula I’d recognize that this is home – take the money and make a drug induced run.
UPDATE: It's official - she's gone. It was fun while it lasted. Be prepared for a few really bad Paula driven competition shows.
MEAGAN WANTS A MILLIONAIRE (vh1)
Meagan is a beautiful and wretched presense. The men here are kind of pathetic and hilarious. Sounds like another winner. The ultimate problem is that of any great movie – Meagan is a great foil but not somebody we care at all about.
Grade: C -
LOLITA (68’ Stanley Kubrick Version)
I really liked this movie. I’d never seen it before – nor the remake, nor read the book. From what I have heard, the book is great and this film could not at the time really portray what was going on in the book. The funny thing is – it works to Kubrick’s advantage – in a weird way – the less he said – the more salacious the impliciation. In fact, by the time this hits the half-way mark, we believe that debauchery is going on that might not even be intended.
That said – there are some problems here – “Lolita” was cast to be not all that young – in the book she was 13 – here she’s cusping 17 and looks quite womanly – although it still works – just does not come off quite as scandalous. I also have to say – I had the entire Peter Sellers character quite wrong – although – even though it was a big reveal – (no spoilers) – there were aspects of it that did not really play out. Still, this is a very sturdy movie with a killer lead performance by James Mason, unafraid to take the role after half of Hollywood had turned it down.
Grade: B +
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke goes green! C’mon Guys!
Grade: F
RESCUE ME (FX)
Winding down from a VERY high wire and ambitious season with a spate of episodes that seem like after thoughts. This has been such a good season I hope they are planning some big time stuff for the final few eps. Either way, this has been a great year for a 5 year old show that I look forward to coming back again. This was their make it or break it year and they made it – I just hope that they shake off the 22 episode fatigue and go out of season 5 in as much style as they came into it.
Grade: B +
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
No human nature truth telling, no real life lesssons, just good old fashioned vampire yarns in a creepy, swampy town. And now with its most recents twists – this is better than ever. Sunday's episode was INSANE.
Grade: A +
THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE (DVD)
Yet another example of a film so bad, it’s delicious. Paris Hilton gives this her best shot – which is to say – she’s incompressible bad in this incomprehensibly plotted out film. The actress playing the “nottie” is really the best thing about this – and by HOTTIE – they mean Paris – playing an even dumber version of her public persona, and THE NOTTIE – is CLEARLY beautiful in a film beset by truly tragic lighting and direction problems – in which THE NOTTIE sometimes looks beautiful (her 3rd grade prostetichs don’t really hold the illusion that she’s ugly up very well.)
There are some ok actors in this – the story does have some kind of arc – but this is all very ridiculous – and perfect for a lazy Sunday with popcorn if you’re in the mood for a flim with 100 percent unintentional laughs. My favorite bit has to do with the Nottie – who at the beginning of the film is balding – gets a treatment at a spa and walks out with the nicest head of hair ever seen in the movies. The explanation – they slipped her a little Rogaine at her one hour treatment and it transformed her hair.
It’s that kind of shoddy research (P. Hilton was a producer on this – HUUUUGE), along with the male lead coming to yoga class in tight jeans – which, by the way – nobody batted an eyelash at – that makes this film so sinfully good.
I watched it with one of my best friends in July and we’re still laughing about it. As a real movie – don’t go near it. As something to make fun of and laugh at - highly recommended.
Grade: A/F
EASTBOUND & DOWN (HBO)
I recently caught up with all 6 original HBO eps and I’m convinced this was the comedy event of the tv season. Amazing – and about as funny as television gets – Kenny Powers – you are fucking in. And the guy that plays Stevie – he’s a miracle and maybe the most originally weird character ever in the history of a tv show. And as for April, Power’s ex – enchanting. The rest of the cast is every bit as rock solid and this series, thus far, is one for the record books. Never before have I rooted so hard for such an insane and messed up in every possible way protagonist. One of my favorite lines “I’m in the autumn of my youth and I would just like some peace, quiet and a warm glass of wine.”
Grade: A+
RANDOM FLIPPINGS:
Jay Mohr doing his Chris Walken impression on RACHEL RAY - I did not see the actual impressions - I just saw Mohr with that stupid fucking grin and Rachel say "We're here with Jay Mohr, Chris Walken and Tracey Jordan! (Tracey Jordan is now the go-to impression for no-talents who can't really do impressions) - Jay Mohr is on it!...
Zach uncovering a MURDERER by taking off the person's wig and revealing them to be a man on SAVED BY THE BELL...
The entire new season of BIG BROTHER kind of sucks....these might be the cheeziest characters ever - the fact that they are real people is almost disturbing...
Check out the latest Noel Gallaher (one half of Oasis) club shows on YOUTUBE...
Also check out thhe 2009 PROMS version of NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU on YOUTUBE - Sinead O'Conner gained 30 pounds, a full head of hair and still sings like an angel...
2009/06/27
RIP MJ, FARRAH and ED. America's Got Nothin'!
This is seriuosly behind - I had a guest staying with me in July and then got busy so - while I apologize for the un-timeliness of these reviews - thank goodness I've finally published so you can actually read my thoughtful gems.
AMERICA'S GOT TALENT! (NBC)
Wow - after the Susan Boyle thing blew up here in the states with her famous YOUTUBE clip - NBC must be absolutely convinced that this show is going to blow up here in the states.
I don't think so.
First of all - We like singing competitions - but I don't think we collectively like the oddball talent show quite as much. I like Piers Morgan, I like Sharon Osbourn - but who lit a fire under Hasslehoff's ass this year? He has really taken to being the "Simon" of the group - whereas everybody might love an act - Hasslehoff will say "Now wait a minute - I have a problem. This is for a million dollars - are people really...." and then he looks at the crowd and generally bows to whatever they tell him to do - in other words - he's no Simon.
Just a pathetic shchill who really - I mean - for God's sakes - this is truly the last man in the WORLD you need judging talent. His opinions are as ill fitting as his awesomely bad attire. A total moron - and thank God he's there because without him this would really be boring. But let's move on to the absolute MOST troubling new aspect of this show: Nick Fucking Cannon.
Trying to ape the British formula all the way down to the MC's cutaway reactions - now - in the middle of the acts and the critics - they keep cutting to Nick, who says retarded one-liners like "what am I supposed to do with that" or "Man, we got no talent!" I mean - he's about as bad a host as you can dig up. Truly awful and even more embarresssing than the Hoff - which is pretty embarressing.
I don't know who was on - I can't remember one act. I get it but - I'd simply prefer to wait for Idol than see dudes who juggle fire and Hoff playing to the crowd while they cut away to Nick Cannon doing a poor man's LAUGH IN. Why are we supposed to like Nick Cannon again?
Grade: D -
UPDATE: Blah. I checked out. Even worse.
KATHERINE HEIGEL
on Leterman, Kimmel, etc...
Appears to be a full-on overly entitled monster.
She must be stopped.
Blech.
SICKO (SHOWTIME)
If 1/3 of this is true - then we have the most shameful system of health care ever. It's depressing as Moore trots out professionals in the medical/insurance biz to admit that part of their job was to save money even if it meant people needlessly died. It's an important film and doesn't really offer much in the way of answers - just presents a very ugly problem.
Grade: B
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Watching the new eps - fucking great. I love this show. Sex, drugs, vampires, sex, gore, vampires - and most of all - really fresh storytelling - I fucking love this. HBO has a serious winner here.
Grade: A
UPDATE: Better than ever - I love this show. Even more than in my other review.
UPDATE: Better than above.
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke was on a yacht, B—ch! Yes, In one of the absolute rock bottom moments in reality television – or one of the best - depending upon how you look at such things - Brooke’s roommate – and I have to say – in one of the most insanely overly scripted produced and acted half hours in the “reality” biz history – so Brooke’s roommate takes some money from a shady Persian dude for an appearance from her and Brooke on his yacht.
Brooke warns her that it sounds shady but they need the money – so they go – and it quickly turns into a nightmare as these guys seem interested in some kind of rape scenario – gently suggested by VH1 by having one of the guys grab the roommate and smack her on the ass. Ok, enough is enough. At one point they even lock themselves in the room while the Persians are breaking down the door and saying cheesy scripted lines like “Don’t play hard to get!”
Then Brooke and the roommate – in a cliffhanger no less – escape at port to the Bahamas – with no money – what are the going to do, guys!!!!!
Ok – listen – in order to enjoy that you have suspend disbelief entirely. Most girls don’t get lured into a situation like that with a massive camera crew and set up shots. This played like a very bad ABC afterschool special – this show is so bad in fact – it’s maybe the best ever. I don’t know what to say but it’s reached a level of badness that you kind of have to watch.
Grade F/A
UPDATE: It's gotten to spectacular/bad to mostly bad/bad.
Too bad.
GOMORRAH (DVD)
A completely unsentimental journey into the real mafia in Italy with scary, documentary vibe. It's a modern epic crime and the nature of organized crime and loyalty based on a series of articles written in Italy. This is the anti-Sopranos – people get whacked and loyalty is not rewarded and nobody gives a moments hesitation to the carnage. It’s sort of too big and ambitious to really start reviewing every storyline - but it’s one of the best of the year. If you like mob movies – and are ready for something completely devoid of the type of sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS great – the coldness here works like a charm and you cannot help but be mesmerized by the dizzying high wire direction and the ambitious scope of this story. Mafia drama at its very finest.
Grade: A
I know it got good reviews, but I didn’t really get into the new Eminem CD. I did however – strangely enough – enjoy the PRISON BREAK soundtrack recently released – if you’re into the now defunct show – and I was – it’s a mini-masterpiece of tense music to break out of prisons to.
MOOLA (HBO)
An unwatchable mess about…money…or something? With the guy that plays Ethan on LOST and Daniel Baldwin – completely unwatchable. I watched for 40 minutes and had no idea what the fuck was going on.
Grade: F
UNDERDOG (HBO)
A much bigger mess – this time with Jim Belushi. I loved the cartoon – one of my all time favorites. This movie is one of the all time worst – live action and – I can’t even explain how very bad it is. With a score that rips off BATMAN (the Danny Elfman version) and a farting underdog who jokes mostly about his own farts – this is truly an abomination.
Grade: F -
DECEPTION (SHOWTIME) (SPOILER ALERT - I REVEAL THE ENDING)
Another fucking mess – although at least this one has its moments (mostly in the first half hour.) Hugh Jackman plays a conman with a plot too complex to recount and also - it ultimately makes no sense. However, the sex club scam idea is initialy ingenius - and it's the sole original idea in this otherwise god awful movie. The first half hour is sort of intriguing, though. Ewen McGregor also stars in this piece of shit. If you're planning on seeing it - let me save you the trouble. Ewen McGregor is the shy victim who can't get laid in the beginning - and Hugh Jackman plays a guy that only exists in bad movies who gets Ewen laid - than takes advantage of him for some weird reason involving money - then Ewen ultimately discovers that if he cuts his hair and gets a cool jacket - he'll look hot and can fuck anyone he wants.
I swear that's basically this movie.
Grade; D -
The new CAT STEVENS CD – YUSEF is the name he goes by now – is called ROADSLINGER and sounds a lot like old Cat Stevens. Highly recommended – much better than last year’s ANOTHER CUP.
MTV AWARDS (MTV)
The Ben Stiller Tribute was pretty funny. Hayden Pantiere was useless. Miley Cyrus did something or other. She's cute and all - but who told her she was hilariously funny? Why does all her stuff involve her being "hilarious?" She's really not. The Bruno gag with Eminem I guess was funny but scripted. That lovely version of DICK IN A BOX sounded a lot funnier in theory than it did on TV.
But – the real star of the evening was Andy Samberg – who I’m kind of growing to love. He’s the best host they’ve had in ages – did a hilarious parody called “Cool guys don’t look at explosions” and the whole show was far better in general than its been in years – and a huge part of that was Samberg. Check out COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS on YOUTUBE - while you're at it, check out Samberg's MOTHERLOVER unsencored as well on YOUTUBE - I'd link you to it but I simply don't know how.
Grade: B
DAY OF THE DEAD 2008 REMAKE (DVD)
I’m a huge fan of the original Romero DEAD trilogy – Night, Dawn and Day. More than a fan actually - more like a super fan. Day is probably the worst of the three but still pretty damn good. And it gets better with age. Coming off the amazing DAWN - DAY had a tough task and also - had its budget slashed by over half when Romero would not buckle and deliver an R rating (he preferred the unrated ultra gore version - so he had to scale back and deliver a sliver of his original script - a masterpiece by the way (you can read it on DREWS MEAT AND POTATOES site.
While DAY was the least of the three - comparing it to LAND OF THE DEAD OR DIARY OF THE DEAD is like comparing RETURN OF THE JEDI - the least of the original trilogy - to any one of the new, shitty films. Yes - all three new films - each shittier than the one before it.
In fact, most DEAD fans consider the news that Romero is now helming another one – the new Romero DEAD films are sort of like the new STAR WARS. That bad. That said – all of them seem like Shakespeare compared to this ill conceived and badly executed remake. Departing completely from the original story – this concerns – I don’t know – the army and a bunch of zombies. Mena Suveri is so bad in this – I thought I was watching a bad SNL sketch. She is...just so bad you can't believe it - it's as though - as good as she was in AMERICAN BEAUTY - it's like THAT CHARACTER became a bad actress and got this film. Every bit as bad (possibly even worse) is the generally useless Nick Cannon – who seems to have two expressions – and they both look stupid. Directed by Steve Minor – who is a bad horror movie director veteran (He helmed the original FRIDAY and the HALLOWEEN H20 remake) – this is about as bad as it gets. Even the zombie action is badly computer generated and the storylines and just about everything else in here was offensively awful.
Grade: F
MARLEY & ME (DVD)
I loved the book - one of my very favorites. The movie - not so much. Owen Wilson is perfect as dad - but the film itself goes out of its way to clean up the real life messiness of the book. Jennifer Aniston is nothing mnre than a shrew - and despite all this - the last half hour works like a charm.
Grade: C +
I know I'm going back a few weeks - but I simply love YA YA on KIMMEL LIVE! and the bit with the President's dog giving a ghetto handshake was really funny. And a few weeks ago both a skinnier Artie Lange(!) and a still chunky Danny McBride stopped by - both were killer.
SNL: JUST SHORTS (NBC)
Hilarious collection of the DIGITAL SHORTS that have become the shining spot on most SNL episodes – needless to say, Andy Samberg was front and center – hosting and presenting some of his own best work. The digital shorts have quite revitalized this entire franchise and as much as I was initially annoyed with the show seeming to shove Samberg down our throats – his talent won out – he’s a hilarious, awesomely creative dude and my hat is way off to him. Also here were some classics like Eddie Murphy’s brilliant “WHITE LIKE ME” and some other great stuff. Very sad that they showed just the beginning of SEINFELD IN OZ – which was one of my favorites but only got short thrift here.
Grade: A -
SNL: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE (NBC)
Justin was okay – but once again – the show came to life with a GREAT instant classic digital short called MOTHER LOVER. If you haven’t seen it – YOUTUBE it – it’s da bomb.
Episode: C –
MOTHER LOVER - A
SNL: LOST & FOUND IN THE 80s (DVD)
Lof of SNL stuff this week. Moving on, this happened to show up in my Netflix que and turned out be a sort of part 2 of SNL: THE FIRST FIVE YEARS. This one covers the 80s and there is another one that picks up the story in the 90s (which I have to see next.) I gotta say – I’m somebody who has always had a pretty reasonable fascination with SNL – it’s one of the few shows that is garunteed every few years to produce a gaggle of real stars and people that will be relevant in comedy for the next 10 years – and even during the bad episodes there is always something funny. Anyway – this is a GREAT document about the 80s – if a bit out of order (they never really reconcile the seasons, nor admit just how fucking bad Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. were – even though the great Lorne Michaels brought them in when he was asked to come back and run the show after a 4 year absence.) I’ve always been blown away by that one magnificent season that had Billy Crystal, Chris Guest and Martin Short – and then the very next season they all left. That was crazy – and a phenomical season it was. In recent years, Crystal has shown just no evidence at all of ever being funny – so if you doubt that it ever happened – like it was maybe a myth (he’s that showbiz-cringey character now) – check out how funny he was here. (And in SOAP for that matter.) Anyway – the show is very frank about things that went on – a lot about Eddie Murphy – a pumped up slightly deluded Joe Piscopo shows up to talk about his buddy “The Murph” (Yikes) and if you have any interest in this show – this is a must see. Also included on the disc is about another hour of well produced docu not seen on the original NBC telecast.
Grade: A
THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK (SHOWTIME)
Laughable 70s pic starring a mugging Al Pacino as a heroin addict – even more hilarious than it sounds, and a small warning about the monster ham Pacino would later become. Hoo ha!
Grade: C + (I love bad movies)
Wall-E (DVD)
The story kind of moves away from Wall-E towards the end – but overall – this is one of the best Pixar films I’ve ever seen. The first 20 minutes which plays as a silent film with Wall-E basically taking the Buster Keaton role – is truly a marvel. I loved this movie.
Grade: A
THE GOODE FAMILY (FOX)
Very bad. And not in a good way.
Cousin Sal from KIMMEL LIVE! Made his Howard Stern radio debut a few weeks ago with cousin Jimmy and they killed.
How funny is Norm McDonald? He's been killing in everything he's done lately - most recently LETTERMAN and a guest shot on SNL reprising his BURT REYNOLDS for JEAPARDY.
I kind of love all the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT videos - but JESUS is that show overproduced! My God - the segments come complete with their own soundtrack - a billion reaction shots from the two douche bags behind the stage, a segment finishing song – I mean, what the what????
They are remaking one of all time favorite horror films from the 80s – MOTHER’S DAY. Since it’s such a sick and twisted film – and probably the ONLY film to EVER come out of the TROMA TEAM that was actually a “serious” horror film – I can only imagine the damage they will inflict upon it. However – I wish I could see it tomorrow.
24 (FOX)
Some of these reviews are really late – what can I say? Read the really late ones as an after thought – but I have a DVR and I use it. Anyway – great season, loved the Almeda stuff – the Bill stuff – thought it kind of slowed down in the last batch of eps and didn’t love the stuff with his daughter and the risky operation that we know is no risk – but coming off season 6 – season 7 renewed the entire franchise, poked fun at itself in a way that did not wink to the audience, and I hope this show continues.
Season Grade: A –
PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Wow. It’s over. What a crazy, insane four year run Year one was almost like a normal series –year 2 dealt with the aftermath, year 3 was insanely stuck inside a prison that literally resembled the bowels of hell – and season 4 boasted one of their most ludicrous plots yet. Why did this show work so well? How do I count the ways…Wentworth as Michael Scofield was the awesome lead and moral compass, Linc his dumber brother – but who always smartened up when it counted – the great guests of seasons past (Gretchen, Kellerman) – there are no words for the brilliance of the T-Bag character, the sliminess of Michael Rappaport’s character – and frankly – William Fitcher routinely stole the show and became maybe the greatest character on there. Best of all – even though the season went a little bit off the rails at times – it wrapped things up in such a satisfying way that it will have forever secured its legacy in the pantheon of memorable action shows. This show was a little more memorable than most – and the 2 hour finale rocked the fucking house.
Overall Grade: A +
Spaulding Grey’s MONSTER IN A BOX (DVD)
A lot more overproduced and corny than I had remembered it.
Grade: C +
WEST SIDE STORY (CABLE)
I finally saw this for the first time – and all the great things I’d heard about it – they were mostly right. Although for pure spectacle – nothing beats the first 15 minutes.
Grade:B +
THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (NBC)
I don’t remember if I reviewed the last installment or not – but I do know that I loved it, loved Joan, loved the tension – and think that of all the celeb installments – this war between Joan and Annie was a remarkable high bench mark the series will probably never hit again.
AMERICAN IDOL FINALE (FOX)
This has been reviewed too much – but real quick – the Queen and Kiss stuff was great, Cyndi Lapuer’s TIME AFTER TIME with Allison was amazing – yeah, Lambert should’ve won by a mile – but if we are paying attention to tradition – he will go on to have a much bigger career than the likable but bland Kriss Alan. Probably better that Lambert didn’t win as he’ll have a bit more freedom to do his own thing. I think Adam will end up as one of the real Idol winners to go on and have a Kelly/Carrie type of career – he’s that goddamned great.
For what its worth – here’s my choice of best moments of the season:
Danny Gokey:
What Hurts The Most, Hero
Allison:
You can’t Make Me love you
Kris Allen:
She works hard for the money, Falling, Heartless
Matt:
Part Time Lover
Adam Lambert:
Tracks of my Tears, If I can’t Have you, Mad World, too many to count, actually – the fucker is great.
THE DIGITAL COUCH is going on vacation!
(not really – staying in my apartment – but have plans for the next few weeks.)
See you guys in August.
Courage.
AMERICA'S GOT TALENT! (NBC)
Wow - after the Susan Boyle thing blew up here in the states with her famous YOUTUBE clip - NBC must be absolutely convinced that this show is going to blow up here in the states.
I don't think so.
First of all - We like singing competitions - but I don't think we collectively like the oddball talent show quite as much. I like Piers Morgan, I like Sharon Osbourn - but who lit a fire under Hasslehoff's ass this year? He has really taken to being the "Simon" of the group - whereas everybody might love an act - Hasslehoff will say "Now wait a minute - I have a problem. This is for a million dollars - are people really...." and then he looks at the crowd and generally bows to whatever they tell him to do - in other words - he's no Simon.
Just a pathetic shchill who really - I mean - for God's sakes - this is truly the last man in the WORLD you need judging talent. His opinions are as ill fitting as his awesomely bad attire. A total moron - and thank God he's there because without him this would really be boring. But let's move on to the absolute MOST troubling new aspect of this show: Nick Fucking Cannon.
Trying to ape the British formula all the way down to the MC's cutaway reactions - now - in the middle of the acts and the critics - they keep cutting to Nick, who says retarded one-liners like "what am I supposed to do with that" or "Man, we got no talent!" I mean - he's about as bad a host as you can dig up. Truly awful and even more embarresssing than the Hoff - which is pretty embarressing.
I don't know who was on - I can't remember one act. I get it but - I'd simply prefer to wait for Idol than see dudes who juggle fire and Hoff playing to the crowd while they cut away to Nick Cannon doing a poor man's LAUGH IN. Why are we supposed to like Nick Cannon again?
Grade: D -
UPDATE: Blah. I checked out. Even worse.
KATHERINE HEIGEL
on Leterman, Kimmel, etc...
Appears to be a full-on overly entitled monster.
She must be stopped.
Blech.
SICKO (SHOWTIME)
If 1/3 of this is true - then we have the most shameful system of health care ever. It's depressing as Moore trots out professionals in the medical/insurance biz to admit that part of their job was to save money even if it meant people needlessly died. It's an important film and doesn't really offer much in the way of answers - just presents a very ugly problem.
Grade: B
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Watching the new eps - fucking great. I love this show. Sex, drugs, vampires, sex, gore, vampires - and most of all - really fresh storytelling - I fucking love this. HBO has a serious winner here.
Grade: A
UPDATE: Better than ever - I love this show. Even more than in my other review.
UPDATE: Better than above.
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke was on a yacht, B—ch! Yes, In one of the absolute rock bottom moments in reality television – or one of the best - depending upon how you look at such things - Brooke’s roommate – and I have to say – in one of the most insanely overly scripted produced and acted half hours in the “reality” biz history – so Brooke’s roommate takes some money from a shady Persian dude for an appearance from her and Brooke on his yacht.
Brooke warns her that it sounds shady but they need the money – so they go – and it quickly turns into a nightmare as these guys seem interested in some kind of rape scenario – gently suggested by VH1 by having one of the guys grab the roommate and smack her on the ass. Ok, enough is enough. At one point they even lock themselves in the room while the Persians are breaking down the door and saying cheesy scripted lines like “Don’t play hard to get!”
Then Brooke and the roommate – in a cliffhanger no less – escape at port to the Bahamas – with no money – what are the going to do, guys!!!!!
Ok – listen – in order to enjoy that you have suspend disbelief entirely. Most girls don’t get lured into a situation like that with a massive camera crew and set up shots. This played like a very bad ABC afterschool special – this show is so bad in fact – it’s maybe the best ever. I don’t know what to say but it’s reached a level of badness that you kind of have to watch.
Grade F/A
UPDATE: It's gotten to spectacular/bad to mostly bad/bad.
Too bad.
GOMORRAH (DVD)
A completely unsentimental journey into the real mafia in Italy with scary, documentary vibe. It's a modern epic crime and the nature of organized crime and loyalty based on a series of articles written in Italy. This is the anti-Sopranos – people get whacked and loyalty is not rewarded and nobody gives a moments hesitation to the carnage. It’s sort of too big and ambitious to really start reviewing every storyline - but it’s one of the best of the year. If you like mob movies – and are ready for something completely devoid of the type of sentimentality that made THE SOPRANOS great – the coldness here works like a charm and you cannot help but be mesmerized by the dizzying high wire direction and the ambitious scope of this story. Mafia drama at its very finest.
Grade: A
I know it got good reviews, but I didn’t really get into the new Eminem CD. I did however – strangely enough – enjoy the PRISON BREAK soundtrack recently released – if you’re into the now defunct show – and I was – it’s a mini-masterpiece of tense music to break out of prisons to.
MOOLA (HBO)
An unwatchable mess about…money…or something? With the guy that plays Ethan on LOST and Daniel Baldwin – completely unwatchable. I watched for 40 minutes and had no idea what the fuck was going on.
Grade: F
UNDERDOG (HBO)
A much bigger mess – this time with Jim Belushi. I loved the cartoon – one of my all time favorites. This movie is one of the all time worst – live action and – I can’t even explain how very bad it is. With a score that rips off BATMAN (the Danny Elfman version) and a farting underdog who jokes mostly about his own farts – this is truly an abomination.
Grade: F -
DECEPTION (SHOWTIME) (SPOILER ALERT - I REVEAL THE ENDING)
Another fucking mess – although at least this one has its moments (mostly in the first half hour.) Hugh Jackman plays a conman with a plot too complex to recount and also - it ultimately makes no sense. However, the sex club scam idea is initialy ingenius - and it's the sole original idea in this otherwise god awful movie. The first half hour is sort of intriguing, though. Ewen McGregor also stars in this piece of shit. If you're planning on seeing it - let me save you the trouble. Ewen McGregor is the shy victim who can't get laid in the beginning - and Hugh Jackman plays a guy that only exists in bad movies who gets Ewen laid - than takes advantage of him for some weird reason involving money - then Ewen ultimately discovers that if he cuts his hair and gets a cool jacket - he'll look hot and can fuck anyone he wants.
I swear that's basically this movie.
Grade; D -
The new CAT STEVENS CD – YUSEF is the name he goes by now – is called ROADSLINGER and sounds a lot like old Cat Stevens. Highly recommended – much better than last year’s ANOTHER CUP.
MTV AWARDS (MTV)
The Ben Stiller Tribute was pretty funny. Hayden Pantiere was useless. Miley Cyrus did something or other. She's cute and all - but who told her she was hilariously funny? Why does all her stuff involve her being "hilarious?" She's really not. The Bruno gag with Eminem I guess was funny but scripted. That lovely version of DICK IN A BOX sounded a lot funnier in theory than it did on TV.
But – the real star of the evening was Andy Samberg – who I’m kind of growing to love. He’s the best host they’ve had in ages – did a hilarious parody called “Cool guys don’t look at explosions” and the whole show was far better in general than its been in years – and a huge part of that was Samberg. Check out COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS on YOUTUBE - while you're at it, check out Samberg's MOTHERLOVER unsencored as well on YOUTUBE - I'd link you to it but I simply don't know how.
Grade: B
DAY OF THE DEAD 2008 REMAKE (DVD)
I’m a huge fan of the original Romero DEAD trilogy – Night, Dawn and Day. More than a fan actually - more like a super fan. Day is probably the worst of the three but still pretty damn good. And it gets better with age. Coming off the amazing DAWN - DAY had a tough task and also - had its budget slashed by over half when Romero would not buckle and deliver an R rating (he preferred the unrated ultra gore version - so he had to scale back and deliver a sliver of his original script - a masterpiece by the way (you can read it on DREWS MEAT AND POTATOES site.
While DAY was the least of the three - comparing it to LAND OF THE DEAD OR DIARY OF THE DEAD is like comparing RETURN OF THE JEDI - the least of the original trilogy - to any one of the new, shitty films. Yes - all three new films - each shittier than the one before it.
In fact, most DEAD fans consider the news that Romero is now helming another one – the new Romero DEAD films are sort of like the new STAR WARS. That bad. That said – all of them seem like Shakespeare compared to this ill conceived and badly executed remake. Departing completely from the original story – this concerns – I don’t know – the army and a bunch of zombies. Mena Suveri is so bad in this – I thought I was watching a bad SNL sketch. She is...just so bad you can't believe it - it's as though - as good as she was in AMERICAN BEAUTY - it's like THAT CHARACTER became a bad actress and got this film. Every bit as bad (possibly even worse) is the generally useless Nick Cannon – who seems to have two expressions – and they both look stupid. Directed by Steve Minor – who is a bad horror movie director veteran (He helmed the original FRIDAY and the HALLOWEEN H20 remake) – this is about as bad as it gets. Even the zombie action is badly computer generated and the storylines and just about everything else in here was offensively awful.
Grade: F
MARLEY & ME (DVD)
I loved the book - one of my very favorites. The movie - not so much. Owen Wilson is perfect as dad - but the film itself goes out of its way to clean up the real life messiness of the book. Jennifer Aniston is nothing mnre than a shrew - and despite all this - the last half hour works like a charm.
Grade: C +
I know I'm going back a few weeks - but I simply love YA YA on KIMMEL LIVE! and the bit with the President's dog giving a ghetto handshake was really funny. And a few weeks ago both a skinnier Artie Lange(!) and a still chunky Danny McBride stopped by - both were killer.
SNL: JUST SHORTS (NBC)
Hilarious collection of the DIGITAL SHORTS that have become the shining spot on most SNL episodes – needless to say, Andy Samberg was front and center – hosting and presenting some of his own best work. The digital shorts have quite revitalized this entire franchise and as much as I was initially annoyed with the show seeming to shove Samberg down our throats – his talent won out – he’s a hilarious, awesomely creative dude and my hat is way off to him. Also here were some classics like Eddie Murphy’s brilliant “WHITE LIKE ME” and some other great stuff. Very sad that they showed just the beginning of SEINFELD IN OZ – which was one of my favorites but only got short thrift here.
Grade: A -
SNL: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE (NBC)
Justin was okay – but once again – the show came to life with a GREAT instant classic digital short called MOTHER LOVER. If you haven’t seen it – YOUTUBE it – it’s da bomb.
Episode: C –
MOTHER LOVER - A
SNL: LOST & FOUND IN THE 80s (DVD)
Lof of SNL stuff this week. Moving on, this happened to show up in my Netflix que and turned out be a sort of part 2 of SNL: THE FIRST FIVE YEARS. This one covers the 80s and there is another one that picks up the story in the 90s (which I have to see next.) I gotta say – I’m somebody who has always had a pretty reasonable fascination with SNL – it’s one of the few shows that is garunteed every few years to produce a gaggle of real stars and people that will be relevant in comedy for the next 10 years – and even during the bad episodes there is always something funny. Anyway – this is a GREAT document about the 80s – if a bit out of order (they never really reconcile the seasons, nor admit just how fucking bad Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. were – even though the great Lorne Michaels brought them in when he was asked to come back and run the show after a 4 year absence.) I’ve always been blown away by that one magnificent season that had Billy Crystal, Chris Guest and Martin Short – and then the very next season they all left. That was crazy – and a phenomical season it was. In recent years, Crystal has shown just no evidence at all of ever being funny – so if you doubt that it ever happened – like it was maybe a myth (he’s that showbiz-cringey character now) – check out how funny he was here. (And in SOAP for that matter.) Anyway – the show is very frank about things that went on – a lot about Eddie Murphy – a pumped up slightly deluded Joe Piscopo shows up to talk about his buddy “The Murph” (Yikes) and if you have any interest in this show – this is a must see. Also included on the disc is about another hour of well produced docu not seen on the original NBC telecast.
Grade: A
THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK (SHOWTIME)
Laughable 70s pic starring a mugging Al Pacino as a heroin addict – even more hilarious than it sounds, and a small warning about the monster ham Pacino would later become. Hoo ha!
Grade: C + (I love bad movies)
Wall-E (DVD)
The story kind of moves away from Wall-E towards the end – but overall – this is one of the best Pixar films I’ve ever seen. The first 20 minutes which plays as a silent film with Wall-E basically taking the Buster Keaton role – is truly a marvel. I loved this movie.
Grade: A
THE GOODE FAMILY (FOX)
Very bad. And not in a good way.
Cousin Sal from KIMMEL LIVE! Made his Howard Stern radio debut a few weeks ago with cousin Jimmy and they killed.
How funny is Norm McDonald? He's been killing in everything he's done lately - most recently LETTERMAN and a guest shot on SNL reprising his BURT REYNOLDS for JEAPARDY.
I kind of love all the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT videos - but JESUS is that show overproduced! My God - the segments come complete with their own soundtrack - a billion reaction shots from the two douche bags behind the stage, a segment finishing song – I mean, what the what????
They are remaking one of all time favorite horror films from the 80s – MOTHER’S DAY. Since it’s such a sick and twisted film – and probably the ONLY film to EVER come out of the TROMA TEAM that was actually a “serious” horror film – I can only imagine the damage they will inflict upon it. However – I wish I could see it tomorrow.
24 (FOX)
Some of these reviews are really late – what can I say? Read the really late ones as an after thought – but I have a DVR and I use it. Anyway – great season, loved the Almeda stuff – the Bill stuff – thought it kind of slowed down in the last batch of eps and didn’t love the stuff with his daughter and the risky operation that we know is no risk – but coming off season 6 – season 7 renewed the entire franchise, poked fun at itself in a way that did not wink to the audience, and I hope this show continues.
Season Grade: A –
PRISON BREAK (FOX)
Wow. It’s over. What a crazy, insane four year run Year one was almost like a normal series –year 2 dealt with the aftermath, year 3 was insanely stuck inside a prison that literally resembled the bowels of hell – and season 4 boasted one of their most ludicrous plots yet. Why did this show work so well? How do I count the ways…Wentworth as Michael Scofield was the awesome lead and moral compass, Linc his dumber brother – but who always smartened up when it counted – the great guests of seasons past (Gretchen, Kellerman) – there are no words for the brilliance of the T-Bag character, the sliminess of Michael Rappaport’s character – and frankly – William Fitcher routinely stole the show and became maybe the greatest character on there. Best of all – even though the season went a little bit off the rails at times – it wrapped things up in such a satisfying way that it will have forever secured its legacy in the pantheon of memorable action shows. This show was a little more memorable than most – and the 2 hour finale rocked the fucking house.
Overall Grade: A +
Spaulding Grey’s MONSTER IN A BOX (DVD)
A lot more overproduced and corny than I had remembered it.
Grade: C +
WEST SIDE STORY (CABLE)
I finally saw this for the first time – and all the great things I’d heard about it – they were mostly right. Although for pure spectacle – nothing beats the first 15 minutes.
Grade:B +
THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE (NBC)
I don’t remember if I reviewed the last installment or not – but I do know that I loved it, loved Joan, loved the tension – and think that of all the celeb installments – this war between Joan and Annie was a remarkable high bench mark the series will probably never hit again.
AMERICAN IDOL FINALE (FOX)
This has been reviewed too much – but real quick – the Queen and Kiss stuff was great, Cyndi Lapuer’s TIME AFTER TIME with Allison was amazing – yeah, Lambert should’ve won by a mile – but if we are paying attention to tradition – he will go on to have a much bigger career than the likable but bland Kriss Alan. Probably better that Lambert didn’t win as he’ll have a bit more freedom to do his own thing. I think Adam will end up as one of the real Idol winners to go on and have a Kelly/Carrie type of career – he’s that goddamned great.
For what its worth – here’s my choice of best moments of the season:
Danny Gokey:
What Hurts The Most, Hero
Allison:
You can’t Make Me love you
Kris Allen:
She works hard for the money, Falling, Heartless
Matt:
Part Time Lover
Adam Lambert:
Tracks of my Tears, If I can’t Have you, Mad World, too many to count, actually – the fucker is great.
THE DIGITAL COUCH is going on vacation!
(not really – staying in my apartment – but have plans for the next few weeks.)
See you guys in August.
Courage.
2009/06/20
YOGURTLAND RULES.
CELEBRITY PASSWORD (NBC)
I caught some of Jamie Kennedy and Norm McDonald’s episode. Norm was great and smart – getting most of the answers and giving great clues. Kennedy completely fell apart and told a story about how he recently hurt his leg on the street and people wouldn’t help him because they all thought hidden cameras were around and that it was a goof. Okay – there are many things wrong with this story: that show was I THINK in the mid-90s – and while it was one of the better hidden cam shows – it’s at least been ten years. Jamie Kennedy – I don’t know what’s wrong with you – but you are annoying, sir. And you are a big fat LIAR! Now – Norm McDonald seems funnier than ever and more comfortable in his skin these days based on his apparent new ease with performing. He’s killed on a host of talk shows recently and I’m a huge fan. Regis, as always, makes a fine host.
Grade: B -
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke knows nothing. Her show sucks. The only thing we’re really interested in is the juicy shit going on in the Hogan’s lives – not these insanely scripted and laugh-track contrived plotlines they follow. The episode that featured Brooke on a….EEEKKKK!! a lesbian date!!!! "Oh my God, guys!!!!" That ep proved to be both retarded, insulting and unbelievably homophobic at the same time. Although Brooke learned at the end that some people ARE GAY and THAT’S OKAY. This was like a really bad episode of a government funded program from the mid 70s. Fucking bad.
Grade: F -
SHOWBIZ TONITE (CNN)
Not sure if I got the channel right – but since this was on a news channel – I incorrectly assumed it would have some more legitimacy than Entertainment Tonight – boy, was I off. It makes TMZ seem like NIGHTLINE. The episode I watched devoted a full half hour to their biggest breaking story in months – Jennifer Aniston went on some show and joked about her love life, comparing her love life to her movie titles! And they thought this was coragious, hilarious, endearing, surprising, shocking – they organized an entire panel of experts to discuss the routine, Jen’s life – her gift for satire and comedy – then they went beyond the panel to "experts" to really try and figure out what this routine meant in the bigger picture (nothing.) Although the panal was completely knocked on their asses by this crazy Hollywood development. I repeat - the story was Anniston joked about her love life. They treated this like the story of the decade. Okay, never mind that Anniston is generaly annoying, has a terrible love life because she will only date big time celebs - that is her perogative. Showbiz tonight devoted 3 episodes to this story. And why shouldn't they. SHOWBIZ TONIGHT! is the worst – but in its own insane way – maybe it’s also the best?
Grade: A/F
I'M A CELEBRITY - GET ME OUT OF HERE! (ABC)Spenser Pratt - mean spirited, weird, confrontational – and compellingly good television. He really is the guy you love to hate – though I suspect while he might not have a clue to this – I don’t think the young man has any self-awareness to sit back and appreciate any of this – I think rather he’s found a way to capitalize on who he is – but I don’t think there is a “real” Spenser – I think he’s created this strange persona for himself and that’s just the life he lives. And while you can’t help but hate him as you watch him – and not just for his meanness. For his bad jokes. For his idiotic remarks. For his insane arrogance. Sheer stupidity. For asking Jesus for a double date with Miley Cyrus and then being arrogant about his connection to God when he got it. Yet – the boy is entertaining – I give him that. Much more so than his wife, who's a real bore. Torrie Wilson isn’t very interesting – Jon Solley seems like a nice guy. The two funny girls from BEST WEEK EVER look like they’re about to have a heart attack between every commercial break. Lou Diamond Phillips is WAY too happy to be there. He’s taking this as seriously as a heart attack. The Baldwin brothers are pretty goofy. Daniel is out of his mind. Lastly – after Speidi left for good – the show settled comfortably into what most reality shows often become – a plea for all the world to get Janice Dickkinson into rehab fast – the woman is so far out of her mind I don’t believe she can ever make it back. Somehow I find her more offensive and vulgar than Spenser Pratt – maybe because unlike those clueless kids – she’s a knowing fame whore who says things like “I dated RAMBO, okay – and he’s no Rambo.” (She has to remind everyone she dated Stallone (who called her evil) for a month in the mid 90s. She’s clearly on drugs and/or out her mind from drugs – and she’s a racist and she’s just so horrible – yet again – without her – who would we care to watch on this show. One last note – I like Sanjaya – I think he’s the most unpretentious kid there – and he rocks a Mohawk better than anyone since Mr. T. And he's sweet. If anyone wins – I hope its him.
Grade: B –
Oh, by the way – those two people who host the show – complete tools. He’s a disturbing clone of a puffy Leo DiCaprio – and a complete tool. And she’s an idiot and their banter goes over like a lead balloon. And with every episode - they get more confident and more annoying to watch.
UPDATE: I’ve watched a few – I'm bailing. It takes FOREVER to vote someone out – there are far too many episodes, I fucking HATE Janice – I think she’s a retarded junkie and I’m not kidding about the junkie part. And I don’t actually think she’s retarded – I think she’s just plain fucked up and mean. I love Lou Diamond – I love Sanjaya – I really like Heidi’s sister who’s on the show now. The biggest surprise is how much I like Patty Govoyivich, the wife of the disgraced politician. I don’t know if he’s innocent or guilty – it seems like he is but she is really is his best advocate – talking passionately about him and his innocence and also seeming like one of the realest down to earth good people connected to politics. There is nothing fake about Patty and she is a much better mouth piece for them then her wild eyed husband. The two hosts might be the two most irritating people alive – and the biggest reason for my bailout is probably the casual animal torture disguised as “competitions.” Believe it or not – when these creatures are born, I don’t think they were intended for their life to be a laughing stock to see if Daniel Baldwin can eat it alive. I don’t like animal torture or cruelty and this show traffics way too much in it – so – I’m out of here!
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
Jimmy had this unbelievable clip of Janice on some foreign model type realiy show – it’s so great – she screams at the models in some nonsensical rant, then immediately falls down a spiral staircase and begs for help – Jimmy remarked that if you’re going to fall down a staircase in a place you don’t speak the language – probably best not to ream everybody out 3 minutes beforehand.
Speaking of Kimmel – he recently had on Heather Graham. I always liked Heather as an actress and loved her turn as ROLLERGIRL in BOOGIE NIGHTS. Now that I got to see her interviewed, I can’t stand Heather Graham. She is beautiful – but also quite insane – bragging how her astrology books got her a boyfriend who cooks and has good sex with her. (I wonder what...forget it.) Anyway – she then proceeded to explain her role in THE HANGOVER. Wait a minute – not explain it – but SPOIL THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I haven’t seen it yet – but THE HANGOVER’S gimmick I presume is that the boys go out for a wild night in Vegas, then wake up and all these insane things have happened and they have to figure out the what and why. But don't worry, Heather fills us in on the mystery pretty quickly. I don’t think she understood how the movie unfolded, as she basically explained who she was in the film and why all the things happened – basically exposing every plot twist in the movie. Thanks, Rollergirl. Who knew Heather Graham was so whacky? She's like a heartbeat away from mid-90s (fill in the name of your own favorite insane celeb here.)
NURSE JACKIE (SHOWTIME)
Both my mom and grandmother were nurses – so I know first hand that a lot of this is wishful thinking (Nurse Jackie would never be allowed to talk to the doctors the way she does – she wouldn’t be able to do a LOT of the things she does in a real hospital.) All that aside, this is a terrific show with a superb performance by Edie Falco – not crazy about the fact that they put the priest from SOPRANOS as Falco’s hospital romance – it reeks of stale thinking – but this is a very solid and fun show that makes a compelling half hour with both humor and pathos with one of the best actresses working today at the helm. Also good are the new nurse that Falco works with – thought I’m not quite into the Unit Supervisor – (the one that took the drugs by accident.) Last week after a man died and she coldly came into the room and said “he’s dead – you need to give us the room” – that would never happen in a hospital and it really stretched credibility here. And I don’t quite get Falco’s marriage either – it seems to lack…something. But what works here works so well that I’m quite happy to stick with this show as I’m sure it will only get better with age, Like Falco.
Grade: B +
THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE (In Theaters)
This is one of Steven Soderburgh’s small movies – and probably his best one yet. Sasha Gray – a real life 21 year old porn star (I’ve heard) plays the lead in this – a seemingly cold and beautiful prostitute with an astonishingly upscale client base who support her high-style apartment and generally expensive way of life. Her boyfriend, who she lives with, is a trainer with good clients but constantly trying to find ways to make more money. In the background of this is contant talk about the current state of the economy – as if it were shot a few weeks ago. This is a talky movie – and for all the prostitution – there’s not one real sex scene to be found – mostly talk. And it works really well as both a look into the lives of this prostitute and her relationships, and as metaphor for the sinking economy – as everyone in this starts to sink in their own way – and when it gets right down to it – what is left to sell? Sasha Gray, who has only done porn and returned to porn immediately after this film is astonishingly good as the icy hooker with the live in boyfriend. And although nothing much happens in the way of plot or action, there is movement and through the talk the film continues to gauge our interest and curiosity until the very last frame. This tepidly paced film somehow works really well.
Grade: A
DAISY OF LOVE (VH1)Okay, Daisy seems to be a bit of an idiot who can’t sing – and I tuned out after episode one because somewhere along the line, Daisy started to believe her one liners are just hilarious and I found her insanely irritating. Then a friend of mine who I’ll call “NYC” told me to give the show a second chance – so I did. And I’m glad I did, because as the show goes along – what we did not expect out of Daisy is that she’s kind of a total sweetheart really looking for love – a rarity in this genre – and I like her a lot. And I like some of the guys (12 pack and Chi Chi are standouts) and this is a very well produced hour. Also- MVP on the show goes to Richi Rachman (is that how you spell it) – I love how he really looks out for Daisy and does not appear to be trying to hit on her. He seems like he genuinely cares and there is a depth to this that does not appear in the male version of this show. With Flava and Brett – it seems like they just want to get laid. I think Daisy is looking for love – albeit in all the wrong places.
Grade: B
Rock/Flavor of love CHARM SCHOOL (VH1)
Okay, you would think that the inclusion of Rikki Lake as headmistress would be a great decision since she did so well for years with her own rip off of Jerry Springer’s show. Not so much – she comes off as a bit of gas bag and a phony – Sharon Osbourn was probably the best they ever did in this genre – but I like the girls, the show is slick and well produced and mixing the ROCK OF LOVE GIRLS (aka – the WHITE girls) with the FLAVOR girls (aka – the HOOD girls) proved to be a great move and the show got a lot of mileage out of that combination. This is no HILL STREET BLUES, but as far as these shows go – it’s a pretty good edition.
Grade: B –
GREEN DAY “21st Century Breakdown”Another winner from Green Day – though not quite as crisp as the earlier more inspired AMERICAN IDIOT. Here is another concept album that tries to go one better but ends up being a worthy sequel if not much more. There are about 4 or 5 winners here – and some really shitty stuff to balance it out. There’s one song I could swear is a complete rip off of a song from the GREAT Julian Lennon CD DAY AFTER DAY – but who would know what I’m even talking about? The songs that work here are the ballads – frankly, the punk thing doesn’t quite play for these guys anymore. I think they got too old. What they’re best at now is probably the music they used to hate.
STANDOUTS:
Last Night On Earth (track 7) Last of American Girls (track 10) Restless Heart Syndrome & 21 Guns (tracks 13 & 16)
Grade: B -
RESCUE ME (FX)
Rescue Me has officially shrugged off last years sort of stuck in a rut storytelling and has returned with what might be the best season ever. If you’re not already watching this – you’re probably not going to start – but this show, in its fifth season, is on fire.
Grade: A
BEST WEEK EVER (VH1)
Is still great - Paul F. Thomkins is hilarious. Just thought I'd remind you.
And yes, Yogurtland rules - I said it, and I mean it.
Peace!
I caught some of Jamie Kennedy and Norm McDonald’s episode. Norm was great and smart – getting most of the answers and giving great clues. Kennedy completely fell apart and told a story about how he recently hurt his leg on the street and people wouldn’t help him because they all thought hidden cameras were around and that it was a goof. Okay – there are many things wrong with this story: that show was I THINK in the mid-90s – and while it was one of the better hidden cam shows – it’s at least been ten years. Jamie Kennedy – I don’t know what’s wrong with you – but you are annoying, sir. And you are a big fat LIAR! Now – Norm McDonald seems funnier than ever and more comfortable in his skin these days based on his apparent new ease with performing. He’s killed on a host of talk shows recently and I’m a huge fan. Regis, as always, makes a fine host.
Grade: B -
BROOKE KNOWS BEST (VH1)
Brooke knows nothing. Her show sucks. The only thing we’re really interested in is the juicy shit going on in the Hogan’s lives – not these insanely scripted and laugh-track contrived plotlines they follow. The episode that featured Brooke on a….EEEKKKK!! a lesbian date!!!! "Oh my God, guys!!!!" That ep proved to be both retarded, insulting and unbelievably homophobic at the same time. Although Brooke learned at the end that some people ARE GAY and THAT’S OKAY. This was like a really bad episode of a government funded program from the mid 70s. Fucking bad.
Grade: F -
SHOWBIZ TONITE (CNN)
Not sure if I got the channel right – but since this was on a news channel – I incorrectly assumed it would have some more legitimacy than Entertainment Tonight – boy, was I off. It makes TMZ seem like NIGHTLINE. The episode I watched devoted a full half hour to their biggest breaking story in months – Jennifer Aniston went on some show and joked about her love life, comparing her love life to her movie titles! And they thought this was coragious, hilarious, endearing, surprising, shocking – they organized an entire panel of experts to discuss the routine, Jen’s life – her gift for satire and comedy – then they went beyond the panel to "experts" to really try and figure out what this routine meant in the bigger picture (nothing.) Although the panal was completely knocked on their asses by this crazy Hollywood development. I repeat - the story was Anniston joked about her love life. They treated this like the story of the decade. Okay, never mind that Anniston is generaly annoying, has a terrible love life because she will only date big time celebs - that is her perogative. Showbiz tonight devoted 3 episodes to this story. And why shouldn't they. SHOWBIZ TONIGHT! is the worst – but in its own insane way – maybe it’s also the best?
Grade: A/F
I'M A CELEBRITY - GET ME OUT OF HERE! (ABC)Spenser Pratt - mean spirited, weird, confrontational – and compellingly good television. He really is the guy you love to hate – though I suspect while he might not have a clue to this – I don’t think the young man has any self-awareness to sit back and appreciate any of this – I think rather he’s found a way to capitalize on who he is – but I don’t think there is a “real” Spenser – I think he’s created this strange persona for himself and that’s just the life he lives. And while you can’t help but hate him as you watch him – and not just for his meanness. For his bad jokes. For his idiotic remarks. For his insane arrogance. Sheer stupidity. For asking Jesus for a double date with Miley Cyrus and then being arrogant about his connection to God when he got it. Yet – the boy is entertaining – I give him that. Much more so than his wife, who's a real bore. Torrie Wilson isn’t very interesting – Jon Solley seems like a nice guy. The two funny girls from BEST WEEK EVER look like they’re about to have a heart attack between every commercial break. Lou Diamond Phillips is WAY too happy to be there. He’s taking this as seriously as a heart attack. The Baldwin brothers are pretty goofy. Daniel is out of his mind. Lastly – after Speidi left for good – the show settled comfortably into what most reality shows often become – a plea for all the world to get Janice Dickkinson into rehab fast – the woman is so far out of her mind I don’t believe she can ever make it back. Somehow I find her more offensive and vulgar than Spenser Pratt – maybe because unlike those clueless kids – she’s a knowing fame whore who says things like “I dated RAMBO, okay – and he’s no Rambo.” (She has to remind everyone she dated Stallone (who called her evil) for a month in the mid 90s. She’s clearly on drugs and/or out her mind from drugs – and she’s a racist and she’s just so horrible – yet again – without her – who would we care to watch on this show. One last note – I like Sanjaya – I think he’s the most unpretentious kid there – and he rocks a Mohawk better than anyone since Mr. T. And he's sweet. If anyone wins – I hope its him.
Grade: B –
Oh, by the way – those two people who host the show – complete tools. He’s a disturbing clone of a puffy Leo DiCaprio – and a complete tool. And she’s an idiot and their banter goes over like a lead balloon. And with every episode - they get more confident and more annoying to watch.
UPDATE: I’ve watched a few – I'm bailing. It takes FOREVER to vote someone out – there are far too many episodes, I fucking HATE Janice – I think she’s a retarded junkie and I’m not kidding about the junkie part. And I don’t actually think she’s retarded – I think she’s just plain fucked up and mean. I love Lou Diamond – I love Sanjaya – I really like Heidi’s sister who’s on the show now. The biggest surprise is how much I like Patty Govoyivich, the wife of the disgraced politician. I don’t know if he’s innocent or guilty – it seems like he is but she is really is his best advocate – talking passionately about him and his innocence and also seeming like one of the realest down to earth good people connected to politics. There is nothing fake about Patty and she is a much better mouth piece for them then her wild eyed husband. The two hosts might be the two most irritating people alive – and the biggest reason for my bailout is probably the casual animal torture disguised as “competitions.” Believe it or not – when these creatures are born, I don’t think they were intended for their life to be a laughing stock to see if Daniel Baldwin can eat it alive. I don’t like animal torture or cruelty and this show traffics way too much in it – so – I’m out of here!
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
Jimmy had this unbelievable clip of Janice on some foreign model type realiy show – it’s so great – she screams at the models in some nonsensical rant, then immediately falls down a spiral staircase and begs for help – Jimmy remarked that if you’re going to fall down a staircase in a place you don’t speak the language – probably best not to ream everybody out 3 minutes beforehand.
Speaking of Kimmel – he recently had on Heather Graham. I always liked Heather as an actress and loved her turn as ROLLERGIRL in BOOGIE NIGHTS. Now that I got to see her interviewed, I can’t stand Heather Graham. She is beautiful – but also quite insane – bragging how her astrology books got her a boyfriend who cooks and has good sex with her. (I wonder what...forget it.) Anyway – she then proceeded to explain her role in THE HANGOVER. Wait a minute – not explain it – but SPOIL THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I haven’t seen it yet – but THE HANGOVER’S gimmick I presume is that the boys go out for a wild night in Vegas, then wake up and all these insane things have happened and they have to figure out the what and why. But don't worry, Heather fills us in on the mystery pretty quickly. I don’t think she understood how the movie unfolded, as she basically explained who she was in the film and why all the things happened – basically exposing every plot twist in the movie. Thanks, Rollergirl. Who knew Heather Graham was so whacky? She's like a heartbeat away from mid-90s (fill in the name of your own favorite insane celeb here.)
NURSE JACKIE (SHOWTIME)
Both my mom and grandmother were nurses – so I know first hand that a lot of this is wishful thinking (Nurse Jackie would never be allowed to talk to the doctors the way she does – she wouldn’t be able to do a LOT of the things she does in a real hospital.) All that aside, this is a terrific show with a superb performance by Edie Falco – not crazy about the fact that they put the priest from SOPRANOS as Falco’s hospital romance – it reeks of stale thinking – but this is a very solid and fun show that makes a compelling half hour with both humor and pathos with one of the best actresses working today at the helm. Also good are the new nurse that Falco works with – thought I’m not quite into the Unit Supervisor – (the one that took the drugs by accident.) Last week after a man died and she coldly came into the room and said “he’s dead – you need to give us the room” – that would never happen in a hospital and it really stretched credibility here. And I don’t quite get Falco’s marriage either – it seems to lack…something. But what works here works so well that I’m quite happy to stick with this show as I’m sure it will only get better with age, Like Falco.
Grade: B +
THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE (In Theaters)
This is one of Steven Soderburgh’s small movies – and probably his best one yet. Sasha Gray – a real life 21 year old porn star (I’ve heard) plays the lead in this – a seemingly cold and beautiful prostitute with an astonishingly upscale client base who support her high-style apartment and generally expensive way of life. Her boyfriend, who she lives with, is a trainer with good clients but constantly trying to find ways to make more money. In the background of this is contant talk about the current state of the economy – as if it were shot a few weeks ago. This is a talky movie – and for all the prostitution – there’s not one real sex scene to be found – mostly talk. And it works really well as both a look into the lives of this prostitute and her relationships, and as metaphor for the sinking economy – as everyone in this starts to sink in their own way – and when it gets right down to it – what is left to sell? Sasha Gray, who has only done porn and returned to porn immediately after this film is astonishingly good as the icy hooker with the live in boyfriend. And although nothing much happens in the way of plot or action, there is movement and through the talk the film continues to gauge our interest and curiosity until the very last frame. This tepidly paced film somehow works really well.
Grade: A
DAISY OF LOVE (VH1)Okay, Daisy seems to be a bit of an idiot who can’t sing – and I tuned out after episode one because somewhere along the line, Daisy started to believe her one liners are just hilarious and I found her insanely irritating. Then a friend of mine who I’ll call “NYC” told me to give the show a second chance – so I did. And I’m glad I did, because as the show goes along – what we did not expect out of Daisy is that she’s kind of a total sweetheart really looking for love – a rarity in this genre – and I like her a lot. And I like some of the guys (12 pack and Chi Chi are standouts) and this is a very well produced hour. Also- MVP on the show goes to Richi Rachman (is that how you spell it) – I love how he really looks out for Daisy and does not appear to be trying to hit on her. He seems like he genuinely cares and there is a depth to this that does not appear in the male version of this show. With Flava and Brett – it seems like they just want to get laid. I think Daisy is looking for love – albeit in all the wrong places.
Grade: B
Rock/Flavor of love CHARM SCHOOL (VH1)
Okay, you would think that the inclusion of Rikki Lake as headmistress would be a great decision since she did so well for years with her own rip off of Jerry Springer’s show. Not so much – she comes off as a bit of gas bag and a phony – Sharon Osbourn was probably the best they ever did in this genre – but I like the girls, the show is slick and well produced and mixing the ROCK OF LOVE GIRLS (aka – the WHITE girls) with the FLAVOR girls (aka – the HOOD girls) proved to be a great move and the show got a lot of mileage out of that combination. This is no HILL STREET BLUES, but as far as these shows go – it’s a pretty good edition.
Grade: B –
GREEN DAY “21st Century Breakdown”Another winner from Green Day – though not quite as crisp as the earlier more inspired AMERICAN IDIOT. Here is another concept album that tries to go one better but ends up being a worthy sequel if not much more. There are about 4 or 5 winners here – and some really shitty stuff to balance it out. There’s one song I could swear is a complete rip off of a song from the GREAT Julian Lennon CD DAY AFTER DAY – but who would know what I’m even talking about? The songs that work here are the ballads – frankly, the punk thing doesn’t quite play for these guys anymore. I think they got too old. What they’re best at now is probably the music they used to hate.
STANDOUTS:
Last Night On Earth (track 7) Last of American Girls (track 10) Restless Heart Syndrome & 21 Guns (tracks 13 & 16)
Grade: B -
RESCUE ME (FX)
Rescue Me has officially shrugged off last years sort of stuck in a rut storytelling and has returned with what might be the best season ever. If you’re not already watching this – you’re probably not going to start – but this show, in its fifth season, is on fire.
Grade: A
BEST WEEK EVER (VH1)
Is still great - Paul F. Thomkins is hilarious. Just thought I'd remind you.
And yes, Yogurtland rules - I said it, and I mean it.
Peace!
2009/04/27
Hardcore Swine Flu Porn with Susan Boyle
Sorry for that title - just trying to get more hits.
Ok - that joke is a month old - it's been a while since I've posted anything.
Today the blog changes. No major changes, but vastly shorter reviews to adjust to my vastly reduced time to spend on this.
I haven't posted for a few weeks due to lots of personal and professional obligations - but I realized I can do this in an easier version - so bear with me while I try to figure out a stream lined version of this that's a little more do-able.
I was actually going to retire the blog (yet again) but - the truth is - there are simply some shows that come along and their so good that I realized - it's not enough for millions to see it on cable - I need to alert my 58 regular blog readers that these shows exist.
Just kidding, the number is much higher. (I think we're in the hundreds these days.)
In any case - Hope u like the new brevity.
PRINCE: AT PAISLY PARK (DOCU) - VH! CLASSICS
This pretended to be a current docu of the Purple One - it was just a bunch of clips and some REALLY old interviews with people like Sheila E. recorded when THE GLAMOUROUS LIFE was still on the charts. No real insight - just an excuse to listen to Prince for an hour - never really a bad thing - unless it's a CD that came out after 1997 - which is the last time he recorded anything worth any merit. (For the record - I think EMANCIPATION is the last batch of decent tunes he's put together. And SIGN OF THE TIMES is the last great CD he made.) Any good recent Prince song is only good if it reminds you of an older, better song - which is too bad, Prince is still one of my heros. You wouldn't know it from this docu.
Grade: C -
ROCK OF LOVE BUS (VH1)
A fire hazzard. The lamest of all the installments. They need to retire this.
Grade: D
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN at the LA SPORTS ARENA (last night - 4.15.09)Well - I guess it's been a while since I've published. Me and my friend Tony B. went to the show - amazing set list - although I never have to hear 10th Ave. Freeze Out again - seriously, I'm good. Same thing with the detestable AMERICAN LAND - which for the life of me - I have no idea how many shows he's let this ridiculous Irish flavored jig close out every show for the last two years. Other than that - this was probably one of the best shows I've ever been to. The news of possible cheating broke out right before the show, which both explained Patty's absense and Bruce's wrenching vocal on DARKNESS when he sang "I lost my money and I lost my wife, those thing don't seem to matter much to me now." He did SPRIRIT IN THE NIGHT, BORT TO RUN, LONESOME DAY - a bunch of tunes from WORKING ON A DREAM - although not my favorite track from the CD - QUEEN OF THE SUPERMARKET should've been on that list. But more importantly - me & Tony B. got to drink beer and stand on the floor section and listen up close to Bruce - doesn't get much better than that.
Grade: A
ADELE was absolutely captivating on LATER WITH CARSON DALY the other night - she delivered a shimmering TO MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE that left the viewer slack jawed. She's the real deal.
Speaking of Carson Daly, I love the new format of his LATER show on NBC. And the Digital Couch congratulaters him on the birth of his baby boy a few months ago.
ELTON JOHN - ME, MYSELF & I (LOGO)
This is really interesting - a fairly informative and well done profile of Sir Elton. They hit upon some really interesting times in his life (like his marriage to Renata in the 80s) and have Elton there talking exclusively about each incident. On the downside - the show did some really lame green-screen business with Elton on a roller coaster, running from monsters - all horribly unwatchable and unbelievably embarressing for Sir Elton, who continues to make compelling CDs (ok - THE CAPTAIN AND THE KID really sucked except for THE BRIDGE - however, SONGS FROM THE WEST COAST and - even better, PEACHTREE ROAD are minor masterpieces from a guy in this biz 30 plus years.) You should catch this - but try not to cringe at the "production."
Grade: B +
REAL LOSER: COUPLES (NBC)
Tim Gunn came by to give the losers a makeover - then the losers met their families and went to watch a movie that starred themselves. Recently, the show has mostly gotten back to what we love best - massively overweight people losing huge amounts of weight and getting to see what they look like thin. The show is emotional, educational (except for those RIDICULOUS on screen ads that tout things like EXTRA gum and some other shite) and really inspirational. There is a man on there who started the show at over 400 pounds and is now 380 - and he's in his late 50s with all kind of medical issues. His son went from 380 to 234 - and the workouts do NOT look easy. This is an example of fine reality TV - however - the two hour running time is a bit much.
Grade: B +
UPDATE: since writing that - the show ended and to my shock - the kid did not win - the blonde woman (Susan?) took home the prize. More importantly - these people lost massive amounts of weight and that's what makes them all winners. I highly reccomend this show to anyone who cares about health.
OVERALL GRADE: A -
SOUTH PARK (COM)
If you watched the "Fishsticks" episode, you know that SOUTH PARK can be as funny as ever - and frequetly is. Also great - the episode where Cartman joins up with pirates, telling them that he "swiped the credit card from me mother!"
Grade: A
PRETTY WICKED (OXY)
I don't get it - it's supposed to be a show about inner beauty, yet all the girls are...anyway - I watched this to the end - lost some brain cells - was kind of entertained - don't remember anything about it except the girls were uniquely weird and fake.
Grade: C
CELEB APPRENTICE (NBC)
Where do I begin? Jesse Jane and the midgets? The outragous alcoholism and subsequent major meltdown of Dennis Rodman? The retardation that is Clint Black? Trump's bullshit about throwing Chloe Kardashian off because she got a DUI? (Don't even get me started on that bit of fuckiing hypocrasy.) The insane fighting between Joan Rivers and Annie the poker player? The strange friendship between Annie and the Playboy model Brandy Roderick? The unbeliavable level of conceit of Annie the poker player "I'm a great cook, a superb wife, a superlative mother and I give a great BJ (I'm not kidding - she said this with no trace of humor.)" Then there is the most compelling love story of the year - Joan and her daughter Melissa - when I watch them together - how do I put this...I feel like I'm still in Brooklyn. And as much humor as the relationship invites - it's rather beautiful and rare. These two adult woman are still very much mother and daughter is both touching and a real stunner. What can I say - CELEB APPRENTICE fucking rules!
Grade: A
UPDATE: I watched the end of THE CELEB APPRENTICE - by now everybody knows that Joan Rivers won and that her fight with Annie the poker player was absolutely spectacular. Annie seemed like a jerk - but Joan was really over the top in her pursuit of getting under Annie's skin. But I have to say - this was the most compelling season in years, the tension between Annie and Joan was truly a unique thing - and Joan became our hero somehow. It boiled down to good versus evil - and we love Joan. I mean, to see this - 70 year old woman??? (I know - it's crazy - she's nearly 70 and while her plastic surgery has made her look a bit freakish - its also part of her whole schtick and the engery and tenacity that Joan displays at her advanced age is nothing short of heroic.) While I think that Annie probably won by most standards, thank God Trump gave the world (and me) the ending they wanted and allowed Joan Rivers to wow as again, 30 years later. I can't imagine Trump will ever top this stellar edition.
Grade: A +
TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: THE HOGAN FAMILY (E!)
A rarity - a TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY that really went for the jugular. The Hogans are a particularly juicy subject, but if you're going to watch this - you must follow it up with the UNBELIEVABLE article on HULK in this month's current ROLLING STONE.
Grade: B
STEVEN WRIGHT/THE LEAVES BLOW AWAY (COM)
Remember when he used to be funny? Remember when he used to say things like "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." He's still saying it. The same joke. 30 years later.
Grade: C -
IMPORTANT THINGS WITH DIMITRI (COM)
Umm....I kind of like the tone of this show - if not quite the execution.
I don't even remember what I saw.
Grade: C
SPARTAN (SHOWTIME)
Criminally ignored political gem from writer/director David Mamet. Kristin Bell is the President’s daughter – she’s been abducted and on her trail is Val Kilmer in an absolutely “I’ll make you completely forget I’m insane” role. His tough performance here ranks among his best. Lending support are a cadre of Mamet regulars, David Paymer, William Macy, and a few more from one of the living masters – David Mamet. The film not only plays as an absolute shoot-em-up to get to the truth, but also serves as a nasty commentary on modern day politics. Not much humor – but this is a sweaty, tough as nails hard ass drama that catches flight early on and doesn’t let up till the very last frame. Highly recommended.
Grade: A
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
(This review is a month old)
Don Rickles was a guest – so in the opening, Kimmel mentions that Don Rickles is going to be on that night – he then says that people have slept there and are going crazy – he then cuts to footage of hot young girls with signs saying “DON WE LOVE YOU AND WANT TO MARRY YOU.” It was Beatlemania! Fantastic bit - also really funny -Jimmy showed a clip of Obama meeting the Queen, then did an insert of them doing a real ghetto handshake. I wish I could link to it but BLOGSPOT refuses to make links easy. (Which is why the links have dissapeared from my blog.)
Speaking of Jimmy, who knew that having Depeche Mode on would force them to close down Hollywood Blvd? I was alive in the 80s - was Depeche Mode THAT fucking big? Jesus Christ - I sort of remember "Master & Servant" - but closing down Hollywood Blvd? That should only happen when Meatloaf performs.
Billy Bob Thorton came on the show and frankly - I thought he'd humbly explain all that insanity he started with the nice guy radio reporter who Billy fucked with in Canada. If you don't know what happened - just YOUTUBE in BILLY BOB RADIO INTERVIEW and listen to Billy Box quicly become Asshole of The Year. So Billy Bob comes on - not only did Billy Bob NOT apologize or humbly explain - he proceeded to boast about his own insanity and proudly wear his asshole-esque personality on his arm. His only concession to the insanity was saying "Is this really news?" Yeah, Billy Bob - when you act like a moron, try to humiliate a nice guy trying to interview you, and then continue to believe you did something good - people are interested in that.
Fuck Billy Bob. Seriously. Fuck him.
Jamie Foxx was on - Wholy Christ - if there has ever been a man more full of himself on the planet - I swear I can't imagine who it is. And Jamie calling himself "the black Howard Stern" to apologize for his remarks about Miley Cyrus - give us all a break, bro. Howard is one of the funniest guys alive - you are one of the most annoying men alive. But - you were pretty good on IDOL with the kids. I'll give you that.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE w/TRACEY MORGAN & Kelly Clarkson (NBC)
Tracey Morgan is HILARIOUS - so, how was his return to the NBC show that made him famous?
Eh.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE /SETH ROGAN & ????? (NBC)
Seth Rogan is one of the funniest guys around. So the show had to be great, right?
Even more eh. (Deep shrug/sigh)
RIGHT AMERICA FEELING WRONGED “OBAMA vs. McCAIN” (HBO)
White people are angry! And embarrassing!
I really loved BLACK TO THE FUTURE on VH1.
NITRO CIRCUS (MTV)
GREAT stunts. Sort of like JACKKASS without the humor or personality.
GONE CONTRY (CMT)
I loved the finale – Tara Conner was aghast because right before the final show she lost her voice – only she has a terrible fucking voice, so it was like losing a horrible apendage. She should've been happy. I don't remember much about this season as it was pretty unmemorable. I don't even remember who won to be honest.
THE EX (Showtime)
Unseen little gem starring Zach Braff and Jason Bateman - small comedy - huge laughs. Highly reccommended.
Grade: B +
ELVIS COSTELLO “MIGHTY LIKE A ROSE” (CD/Digital Download)
I totally forgot how great this CD from the late 90s is – one of Elvis’ later era best. And it holds up like he cut it yesterday.
Grade: A +
Speaking of Costello - his SPECTACLE on SUNDANCE is literally the best music show since "MUSICIANS" on the now defunct .. something channel (I forgot the name - but it was a great weekly acoustic show.) - But SPECTACLE is even better because you get Elvis to sing on many of the tunes. There have been so many highlights already I can't believe there's not a CD out yet - but he and Jenny Lewis singing CARPETBAGGERS, he and Lou Reed doing PERFECT DAY, it goes on and on. This might be the best music show in 30 years, as good as when Johnny Cash has musical guests on to Old Grey Whistle Test - Elvis' show is THAT good. Killer guests and killer sets and great interviews.
Grade: A +
HELL'S KITCHEN (NBC)
I love Chef Ramsey and particularly KITCHEN NIGHTMARES. But frankly, in its 4th or 5th season, this is just starting to seem tired and the beats all seem similar from the week before. This was fun for a while - and I'm sure it's still enjoyable - I'm just over it. I won’t be watching.
E.R. (NBC)“Old Times” – what a trip seeing those names in the opening credits – written and directed by John Wells. Starring George Clooney, Noah Wylie, Eriq LaSalle, Sherry Stringfield, Julia Marguiles - it did feel like old times - and it was a great episode that picked up the Dr. Doug Ross character and the whole 2 hour finale was also really well done. An very respectable ending to a long running show. Extra points for throwing on the old title sequence for the final episode. This is the way a long running show goes out in style.
Grade: A
John Lennon “Plastic Ono Band”After watching CLASSIC ALBUMS I went ahead and listened to this CD in its original song sequence. Awesome.
Grade: A +
TOUGH LOVE (VH1)
The best reality show you're not watching (if you are - you know why I love it so much.)
Grade: B
UPDATE: They did their season finale - it began a little more exciting than it ended - but this was a class act in the reality show world. A rarity.
Overall Grade: B
TWO LOVERS (ON DEMAND)
Great, low key, intensely moody film with Joequin Phoenix playing a suicidal man in Brooklyn living with his parents and romancing two very different women. This is James Grey's 4th film set in Brooklyn and the 3rd time he's used Phoenix - and I'm a huge fan of what seems like an ongoing anthology of Brooklyn.
Grade: B +
HECKLER (Sundance)
I loved this film, and I loathe Jamie Kennedy (he's unbelievably unlikable here - yet since he left his annoying stuff in - he was one of the producers - he gets some credit for recognizing his annoyingness.) But there was some truly great stuff about the nature of criticism, and every great heckling story was either told or had clips to represent it.
Grade: B
DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS (ABC)
Meatloaf was fun with his daughter. Bababooey was even better. Gary really does know his music and I was almost surprised he didn't make it to the million - but to sing in that voice in front of millions...he has guts. It was also fun to see him outside of the Stern show doing something for a charity he really believes in.
Grades:
Meatloaf and his daughter: B
Ba Ba Booey: A
I have some more reviews - but I'll probably put them up next week. Sorry it's been so long. I'm sure I was missed.
Ok - that joke is a month old - it's been a while since I've posted anything.
Today the blog changes. No major changes, but vastly shorter reviews to adjust to my vastly reduced time to spend on this.
I haven't posted for a few weeks due to lots of personal and professional obligations - but I realized I can do this in an easier version - so bear with me while I try to figure out a stream lined version of this that's a little more do-able.
I was actually going to retire the blog (yet again) but - the truth is - there are simply some shows that come along and their so good that I realized - it's not enough for millions to see it on cable - I need to alert my 58 regular blog readers that these shows exist.
Just kidding, the number is much higher. (I think we're in the hundreds these days.)
In any case - Hope u like the new brevity.
PRINCE: AT PAISLY PARK (DOCU) - VH! CLASSICS
This pretended to be a current docu of the Purple One - it was just a bunch of clips and some REALLY old interviews with people like Sheila E. recorded when THE GLAMOUROUS LIFE was still on the charts. No real insight - just an excuse to listen to Prince for an hour - never really a bad thing - unless it's a CD that came out after 1997 - which is the last time he recorded anything worth any merit. (For the record - I think EMANCIPATION is the last batch of decent tunes he's put together. And SIGN OF THE TIMES is the last great CD he made.) Any good recent Prince song is only good if it reminds you of an older, better song - which is too bad, Prince is still one of my heros. You wouldn't know it from this docu.
Grade: C -
ROCK OF LOVE BUS (VH1)
A fire hazzard. The lamest of all the installments. They need to retire this.
Grade: D
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN at the LA SPORTS ARENA (last night - 4.15.09)Well - I guess it's been a while since I've published. Me and my friend Tony B. went to the show - amazing set list - although I never have to hear 10th Ave. Freeze Out again - seriously, I'm good. Same thing with the detestable AMERICAN LAND - which for the life of me - I have no idea how many shows he's let this ridiculous Irish flavored jig close out every show for the last two years. Other than that - this was probably one of the best shows I've ever been to. The news of possible cheating broke out right before the show, which both explained Patty's absense and Bruce's wrenching vocal on DARKNESS when he sang "I lost my money and I lost my wife, those thing don't seem to matter much to me now." He did SPRIRIT IN THE NIGHT, BORT TO RUN, LONESOME DAY - a bunch of tunes from WORKING ON A DREAM - although not my favorite track from the CD - QUEEN OF THE SUPERMARKET should've been on that list. But more importantly - me & Tony B. got to drink beer and stand on the floor section and listen up close to Bruce - doesn't get much better than that.
Grade: A
ADELE was absolutely captivating on LATER WITH CARSON DALY the other night - she delivered a shimmering TO MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE that left the viewer slack jawed. She's the real deal.
Speaking of Carson Daly, I love the new format of his LATER show on NBC. And the Digital Couch congratulaters him on the birth of his baby boy a few months ago.
ELTON JOHN - ME, MYSELF & I (LOGO)
This is really interesting - a fairly informative and well done profile of Sir Elton. They hit upon some really interesting times in his life (like his marriage to Renata in the 80s) and have Elton there talking exclusively about each incident. On the downside - the show did some really lame green-screen business with Elton on a roller coaster, running from monsters - all horribly unwatchable and unbelievably embarressing for Sir Elton, who continues to make compelling CDs (ok - THE CAPTAIN AND THE KID really sucked except for THE BRIDGE - however, SONGS FROM THE WEST COAST and - even better, PEACHTREE ROAD are minor masterpieces from a guy in this biz 30 plus years.) You should catch this - but try not to cringe at the "production."
Grade: B +
REAL LOSER: COUPLES (NBC)
Tim Gunn came by to give the losers a makeover - then the losers met their families and went to watch a movie that starred themselves. Recently, the show has mostly gotten back to what we love best - massively overweight people losing huge amounts of weight and getting to see what they look like thin. The show is emotional, educational (except for those RIDICULOUS on screen ads that tout things like EXTRA gum and some other shite) and really inspirational. There is a man on there who started the show at over 400 pounds and is now 380 - and he's in his late 50s with all kind of medical issues. His son went from 380 to 234 - and the workouts do NOT look easy. This is an example of fine reality TV - however - the two hour running time is a bit much.
Grade: B +
UPDATE: since writing that - the show ended and to my shock - the kid did not win - the blonde woman (Susan?) took home the prize. More importantly - these people lost massive amounts of weight and that's what makes them all winners. I highly reccomend this show to anyone who cares about health.
OVERALL GRADE: A -
SOUTH PARK (COM)
If you watched the "Fishsticks" episode, you know that SOUTH PARK can be as funny as ever - and frequetly is. Also great - the episode where Cartman joins up with pirates, telling them that he "swiped the credit card from me mother!"
Grade: A
PRETTY WICKED (OXY)
I don't get it - it's supposed to be a show about inner beauty, yet all the girls are...anyway - I watched this to the end - lost some brain cells - was kind of entertained - don't remember anything about it except the girls were uniquely weird and fake.
Grade: C
CELEB APPRENTICE (NBC)
Where do I begin? Jesse Jane and the midgets? The outragous alcoholism and subsequent major meltdown of Dennis Rodman? The retardation that is Clint Black? Trump's bullshit about throwing Chloe Kardashian off because she got a DUI? (Don't even get me started on that bit of fuckiing hypocrasy.) The insane fighting between Joan Rivers and Annie the poker player? The strange friendship between Annie and the Playboy model Brandy Roderick? The unbeliavable level of conceit of Annie the poker player "I'm a great cook, a superb wife, a superlative mother and I give a great BJ (I'm not kidding - she said this with no trace of humor.)" Then there is the most compelling love story of the year - Joan and her daughter Melissa - when I watch them together - how do I put this...I feel like I'm still in Brooklyn. And as much humor as the relationship invites - it's rather beautiful and rare. These two adult woman are still very much mother and daughter is both touching and a real stunner. What can I say - CELEB APPRENTICE fucking rules!
Grade: A
UPDATE: I watched the end of THE CELEB APPRENTICE - by now everybody knows that Joan Rivers won and that her fight with Annie the poker player was absolutely spectacular. Annie seemed like a jerk - but Joan was really over the top in her pursuit of getting under Annie's skin. But I have to say - this was the most compelling season in years, the tension between Annie and Joan was truly a unique thing - and Joan became our hero somehow. It boiled down to good versus evil - and we love Joan. I mean, to see this - 70 year old woman??? (I know - it's crazy - she's nearly 70 and while her plastic surgery has made her look a bit freakish - its also part of her whole schtick and the engery and tenacity that Joan displays at her advanced age is nothing short of heroic.) While I think that Annie probably won by most standards, thank God Trump gave the world (and me) the ending they wanted and allowed Joan Rivers to wow as again, 30 years later. I can't imagine Trump will ever top this stellar edition.
Grade: A +
TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: THE HOGAN FAMILY (E!)
A rarity - a TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY that really went for the jugular. The Hogans are a particularly juicy subject, but if you're going to watch this - you must follow it up with the UNBELIEVABLE article on HULK in this month's current ROLLING STONE.
Grade: B
STEVEN WRIGHT/THE LEAVES BLOW AWAY (COM)
Remember when he used to be funny? Remember when he used to say things like "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." He's still saying it. The same joke. 30 years later.
Grade: C -
IMPORTANT THINGS WITH DIMITRI (COM)
Umm....I kind of like the tone of this show - if not quite the execution.
I don't even remember what I saw.
Grade: C
SPARTAN (SHOWTIME)
Criminally ignored political gem from writer/director David Mamet. Kristin Bell is the President’s daughter – she’s been abducted and on her trail is Val Kilmer in an absolutely “I’ll make you completely forget I’m insane” role. His tough performance here ranks among his best. Lending support are a cadre of Mamet regulars, David Paymer, William Macy, and a few more from one of the living masters – David Mamet. The film not only plays as an absolute shoot-em-up to get to the truth, but also serves as a nasty commentary on modern day politics. Not much humor – but this is a sweaty, tough as nails hard ass drama that catches flight early on and doesn’t let up till the very last frame. Highly recommended.
Grade: A
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
(This review is a month old)
Don Rickles was a guest – so in the opening, Kimmel mentions that Don Rickles is going to be on that night – he then says that people have slept there and are going crazy – he then cuts to footage of hot young girls with signs saying “DON WE LOVE YOU AND WANT TO MARRY YOU.” It was Beatlemania! Fantastic bit - also really funny -Jimmy showed a clip of Obama meeting the Queen, then did an insert of them doing a real ghetto handshake. I wish I could link to it but BLOGSPOT refuses to make links easy. (Which is why the links have dissapeared from my blog.)
Speaking of Jimmy, who knew that having Depeche Mode on would force them to close down Hollywood Blvd? I was alive in the 80s - was Depeche Mode THAT fucking big? Jesus Christ - I sort of remember "Master & Servant" - but closing down Hollywood Blvd? That should only happen when Meatloaf performs.
Billy Bob Thorton came on the show and frankly - I thought he'd humbly explain all that insanity he started with the nice guy radio reporter who Billy fucked with in Canada. If you don't know what happened - just YOUTUBE in BILLY BOB RADIO INTERVIEW and listen to Billy Box quicly become Asshole of The Year. So Billy Bob comes on - not only did Billy Bob NOT apologize or humbly explain - he proceeded to boast about his own insanity and proudly wear his asshole-esque personality on his arm. His only concession to the insanity was saying "Is this really news?" Yeah, Billy Bob - when you act like a moron, try to humiliate a nice guy trying to interview you, and then continue to believe you did something good - people are interested in that.
Fuck Billy Bob. Seriously. Fuck him.
Jamie Foxx was on - Wholy Christ - if there has ever been a man more full of himself on the planet - I swear I can't imagine who it is. And Jamie calling himself "the black Howard Stern" to apologize for his remarks about Miley Cyrus - give us all a break, bro. Howard is one of the funniest guys alive - you are one of the most annoying men alive. But - you were pretty good on IDOL with the kids. I'll give you that.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE w/TRACEY MORGAN & Kelly Clarkson (NBC)
Tracey Morgan is HILARIOUS - so, how was his return to the NBC show that made him famous?
Eh.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE /SETH ROGAN & ????? (NBC)
Seth Rogan is one of the funniest guys around. So the show had to be great, right?
Even more eh. (Deep shrug/sigh)
RIGHT AMERICA FEELING WRONGED “OBAMA vs. McCAIN” (HBO)
White people are angry! And embarrassing!
I really loved BLACK TO THE FUTURE on VH1.
NITRO CIRCUS (MTV)
GREAT stunts. Sort of like JACKKASS without the humor or personality.
GONE CONTRY (CMT)
I loved the finale – Tara Conner was aghast because right before the final show she lost her voice – only she has a terrible fucking voice, so it was like losing a horrible apendage. She should've been happy. I don't remember much about this season as it was pretty unmemorable. I don't even remember who won to be honest.
THE EX (Showtime)
Unseen little gem starring Zach Braff and Jason Bateman - small comedy - huge laughs. Highly reccommended.
Grade: B +
ELVIS COSTELLO “MIGHTY LIKE A ROSE” (CD/Digital Download)
I totally forgot how great this CD from the late 90s is – one of Elvis’ later era best. And it holds up like he cut it yesterday.
Grade: A +
Speaking of Costello - his SPECTACLE on SUNDANCE is literally the best music show since "MUSICIANS" on the now defunct .. something channel (I forgot the name - but it was a great weekly acoustic show.) - But SPECTACLE is even better because you get Elvis to sing on many of the tunes. There have been so many highlights already I can't believe there's not a CD out yet - but he and Jenny Lewis singing CARPETBAGGERS, he and Lou Reed doing PERFECT DAY, it goes on and on. This might be the best music show in 30 years, as good as when Johnny Cash has musical guests on to Old Grey Whistle Test - Elvis' show is THAT good. Killer guests and killer sets and great interviews.
Grade: A +
HELL'S KITCHEN (NBC)
I love Chef Ramsey and particularly KITCHEN NIGHTMARES. But frankly, in its 4th or 5th season, this is just starting to seem tired and the beats all seem similar from the week before. This was fun for a while - and I'm sure it's still enjoyable - I'm just over it. I won’t be watching.
E.R. (NBC)“Old Times” – what a trip seeing those names in the opening credits – written and directed by John Wells. Starring George Clooney, Noah Wylie, Eriq LaSalle, Sherry Stringfield, Julia Marguiles - it did feel like old times - and it was a great episode that picked up the Dr. Doug Ross character and the whole 2 hour finale was also really well done. An very respectable ending to a long running show. Extra points for throwing on the old title sequence for the final episode. This is the way a long running show goes out in style.
Grade: A
John Lennon “Plastic Ono Band”After watching CLASSIC ALBUMS I went ahead and listened to this CD in its original song sequence. Awesome.
Grade: A +
TOUGH LOVE (VH1)
The best reality show you're not watching (if you are - you know why I love it so much.)
Grade: B
UPDATE: They did their season finale - it began a little more exciting than it ended - but this was a class act in the reality show world. A rarity.
Overall Grade: B
TWO LOVERS (ON DEMAND)
Great, low key, intensely moody film with Joequin Phoenix playing a suicidal man in Brooklyn living with his parents and romancing two very different women. This is James Grey's 4th film set in Brooklyn and the 3rd time he's used Phoenix - and I'm a huge fan of what seems like an ongoing anthology of Brooklyn.
Grade: B +
HECKLER (Sundance)
I loved this film, and I loathe Jamie Kennedy (he's unbelievably unlikable here - yet since he left his annoying stuff in - he was one of the producers - he gets some credit for recognizing his annoyingness.) But there was some truly great stuff about the nature of criticism, and every great heckling story was either told or had clips to represent it.
Grade: B
DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS (ABC)
Meatloaf was fun with his daughter. Bababooey was even better. Gary really does know his music and I was almost surprised he didn't make it to the million - but to sing in that voice in front of millions...he has guts. It was also fun to see him outside of the Stern show doing something for a charity he really believes in.
Grades:
Meatloaf and his daughter: B
Ba Ba Booey: A
I have some more reviews - but I'll probably put them up next week. Sorry it's been so long. I'm sure I was missed.
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